✎ art blog ✎

I drew this silly thing months ago while waiting for insurance to approve my top surgery. Now that I've finally gone through with the operation, it feels like the right moment to upload it

I did not hate my breasts. I did not avoid them at every possible turn. But I realized that the stress they caused me far outweighed the enjoyment I derived from them. I realized there were so many areas of my life in which this part of my body slashed my confidence, made me afraid of facing discrimination, or otherwise held me back. Many little things accumulating to one massive problem.

So I decided to have them removed.

I chose a life where I will no longer dissuade myself from pursuing sex or romance out of fear about how my body may be perceived. I chose dressing the way I want instead of having to layer no matter the weather, and having to resist wearing anything that would draw too much attention. I chose to spend this summer and each one after that frolicking through sprinklers and walking down the street at sundown without having to be hypervigilant about people noticing what my chest looks like.

But personally, I don't think of this choice as eliminating an enemy. Gender affirming care is a lot like relationships: Sometimes, your partner doesn't have to be an abusive monster. Sometimes things just don't work anymore, and forcing yourself to stay with them becomes exhausting and draining.