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I wish every day started with a “previously on” so that I’d know which of my life’s plot points were going to be important that day

ah, the crescent moon….the tasteful sideboob of the lunar cycle, 

This body is a vessel for my mayhem and as long as I can perform bafoonery it doesn’t matter if this stomach is flat or not

all women born after 800 AD do is tempt, blaspheme, witchcraft, eat potent herbs to aid in their foul divinations, and lie

bite the vampire first to establish dominance

the tension between two completely different academic departments forced to share a building 

Pressing the crosswalk button when there are already people standing there is like publicly announcing that you don’t trust any of them

I really try to challenge Canadian stereotypes at every opportunity but today I was walking down Young St. in Toronto and a firetruck honked very loudly and I clutched my chest and said “MY WORD” and as it drove past, a fireman leaned out of the window and apologized to me  so I just don’t know

if a demon possessed me I’d just b like ok take it from here good luck man

can lorde release her third album please i don’t know how to navigate my early twenties without her 

i should definitely win an oscar for my nonexistent movie that only exists as a vague idea in my head

honestly why the fuck am i already tired of this week? its monday