ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ⋆˳

✿ HERBARIUM SERIES ✿

♡ Before I can discuss Withering Purpurbloom, I have to talk about my previous fics and the Capitano brainrot that started it all. On July 11, 2022, the A Winter Night’s Lazzo trailer came out and introduced us to all of the Fatui Harbingers. Among the new faces was Il Capitano, who would go on to become my muse  _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):

♡ I’ve already discussed the origins and writing process for Herbarium in this author’s note. Looking back, it was not only my first Genshin fic but also the first time I began to explore my writing style. Before Herbarium, I didn’t have many fic ideas that inspired me to go “all out” with prose, symbolism, long storylines, and Darling personalities. Capidamsel’s story also drove me to experiment with new techniques/ mediums, like the Hades-Persephone subversions in Herbarium and the storybook-style chapter titles in Fairytale.

♡ Many people have said they are amazed by how “accurately” I wrote the Harbingers in 2022, and I attribute all of that to my hard work and character studies. Before writing Herbarium, I watched Capitano’s Lazzo scene on repeat to analyze his behavior and speech mannerisms. From this, I pieced together my own interpretation of his character. I would use these same methods for writing Pantalone, Dottore, and Pierro; I’m very happy to know that these characterizations still hold up in 2026!!

♡ I also gave Capitano his own Darling to complement him, in other words Damsel. (My name for her is Eveline.) When writing fanfics, I prefer to view my Readers/ Darlings as their own characters, but Damsel was the first to have such a detailed personality and background. This gave her a special dynamic with Capitano, plus a distinct “dark fairytale” vibe that set their story apart from my future Harbinger x Darling couples.

♡ On August 8, 2022, I finished writing Herbarium. After posting it on Tumblr, I thought I’d purged myself of my Capitano brainrot. But I was so wrong, as I kept getting new ideas for him and Damsel. He became my muse with the most fics, continuously inspiring me to try out new plots and writing techniques. For Forget-Me-Not, I learned how to write an action scene. For Laurestine, I experimented with an epistolary format and the POV of an outsider to Capidamsel’s relationship. And so on.

♡ The same year I wrote Herbarium, I wrote Housecat, Chemistry, and Disjecta Membra. As different as the other Harbingers’ stories are from Capitano’s, I’d argue that they wouldn’t have existed without Herbarium as their prototype. If not for Herbarium and my all-consuming thirst for Capitano, I never would’ve had the motivation to start writing fanfics as ambitious and time-consuming as my I Love You, Darling series. It’s all thanks to him…..

✿ CAPITANO’S DEATH ✿ 

♡ From 2022 to 2025, we slowly got more lore on Capitano. I remember Wanderer’s About Capitano voiceover, Mika’s story that revealed Capitano’s eye color, Arlecchino’s animated short where he wore the most out-of-place loafers, and so on. Each time, I celebrated the new information and added it to my writing notes.

♡ Then Natlan began!! When the Ignition Teaser came out, I couldn’t watch it immediately due to a meeting….it was the longest two hours of my life. (Welp it was better than having to write Herbarium in between meetings and requirements for a week-long event.) Once the meeting ended, I watched the teaser. Capitano’s appearance oh my gosh….my tl was full of his “hmph” dialogue afterwards.

♡ Honestly, Natlan’s story isn’t my cup of tea. But I enjoyed every Capitano scene, and I was happy to see that my characterization didn’t feel OOC. Even if some parts of Capitano and Damsel’s story would have to be retconned/changed to fit the new lore (i.e., Capitano’s face reveal, Capitano saying he’d return from Natlan), Capitano still had the personality I’d envisioned for him. When it was revealed that he was a Khaenri’ahn with a corrupted face, it gave me even more ideas for him and Damsel~

♡ ….And then 5.3 happened. I actually found out about Capitano’s death earlier due to the preload leaks. It was December 30, 2024, and I was on my way home from a restaurant. I checked my Twitter and it was full of screenshots and people mourning Capitano. I too went through the five stages of grief, and I did it a second time when 5.3 officially released with Capitano’s animation and voiced dialogue.

♡ It’s kind of….silly? absurd? how genuinely devastated I was. If I’m going to be personal, I’d been dealing with irl stress over the past years, but I could always depend on Capitano to cheer me up through official content, fanworks by other creators, or inspiration for my own writing. So I felt pretty upset when I realized there would be no more Capitano scenes in the future, especially when not enough lore was provided before/after his death. (Seriously, where is the story of how he joined the Fatui??) Funny story, I’d joked with a friend that if Capitano died, I’d change my blog theme from a pink sunset to a night sky, and that is how she got spoiled for his death ^^;

♡ All this to say, Withering Purpurbloom came from a place of grief towards my favorite character. Just like how Capitano’s introduction in A Winter Night’s Lazzo gave me brainrot that could only be sated by writing, his death in 5.3 invoked many emotions that I could only release through my art. With that, I wove Capitano's death into his and Damsel's story.

✿ IN LOVING MEMORY ✿ 

♡ I normally don’t write angst without comfort, especially if the character is the one experiencing the angst. For Readers, though, I can make them suffer just a liiiiiittle bit, and I dabbled with grief/ loss from time to time. Grief is a complicated experience that varies from person to person, and I kept that in mind when writing the stories of different characters and darlings.

♡ One example is Pierro’s Savior! Darling from Disjecta Membra. She is consumed by grief and survivor’s guilt, unable to live beyond the deaths of her loved ones. She forgets to adjust her food portions, sleeps on the same side of the bed, and sticks to her daily routine even though it provides daily reminders of her loss. This makes her a perfect foil to Pierro, whose own grief fuels his vengeance.

♡ I took a step further with A Candlelit Dinner and Ghost Heart. La Signora’s darling has conflicted feelings about her death but is nonetheless affected, losing their appetite and thinking of Signora as they cook without her. As for Wanderer’s darling, they have forgotten “Scaramouche” as per Irminsul but are subconsciously aware that someone important is missing from their life. They are only able to move on after meeting Wanderer for the “first” time.

✿ WITHERING PURPURBLOOM ✿ 

Damsel’s grief

♡ For Damsel, I knew her personality would yield a different reaction to loss. By the end of Herbarium, Capitano’s darling has fully accepted him as her captor and husband. Because of this, his sacrifice is anything but liberating. For Damsel, the death of her husband equates to the shattering of their fairytale. This is made more painful by the fact that Capitano pursued Damsel despite knowing from the start that their love story would not end happily.

♡ Damsel’s grief primarily takes the form of denial. She refuses to believe that Capitano could have died in Natlan or, more importantly, that her husband would cruelly subject her to a lifetime of grief. As a result, while her subordinates mourn the Captain, she refuses to acknowledge his death or read his goodbye letter until she can personally confirm his death.

♡ Damsel also falls back on her old coping mechanisms, namely books and flowers. Only, these distractions are futile in the face of her grief. She holes up in her personal library, surrounded by books gifted by Capitano. She hurts herself when she pricks her hand on the barren rosebush. She refuses to get a replacement for her notebook, stuffing it with new flowers and forcing it shut even when it refuses to close fully (haha symbolism).

♡ The turning point is her visit to the Throne of the Primal Fire. After trying and failing to “wake up” her husband, Damsel finally breaks down in tears and accepts his death. She gives him her flowers, reads his final letter, and begins to reconcile with his decision. But evidently, her grief remains. As far as Damsel is concerned, she has lost her “happy ending” and will spend the rest of her life mourning her beloved husband.

Capitano’s love, everlasting

♡ Compared to my previous fics, Capitano is more physically absent in Withering Purpurbloom. Nonetheless, he haunts the narrative in the form of memories and anecdotes. The story is very much about him, but he is in no place to tell it. Because the story is mainly told from Damsel’s perspective, his motives aren't fully understood.

♡ As mentioned earlier, parts of Herbarium had to be retconned/ changed to fit the new lore. When I wrote the series, I assumed Capitano was going to survive Natlan and become playable. So now I had to figure out how his long-anticipated sacrifice factored in his marriage to Damsel. What were his plans for his future widow? How did he feel about the pain he would cause her?

♡ In writing the Fatui Harbingers, I always acknowledge that they have personal goals and responsibilities that take precedence over their darlings. This doesn’t mean they love their darlings any less, but it does mean their work is to be taken seriously. In the case of Capitano and Damsel, he makes the choice to not lose sight of his original goal and to go ahead with his sacrifice.

♡ And yet long after his death, Damsel continues to feel her husband's love. Before his departure for Natlan, he prepares an envelope of documents to ensure that all of Damsel’s needs will be met. Their estate is filled with countless gifts and memories of their time together. No matter how their story ended, there was love and it persisted.

♡ I imagine that Capitano was very sad in his final moments with Damsel. In the ending scene of Withering Purpurbloom, he already knew that this would be the last time they would be together. His only wish was that Damsel could thrive long after his death, in the peaceful world he left behind to her.

Parallels and other techniques

♡ I don’t have as many writing techniques or creative decisions to mention here, because I already talked about it in the previous parts of this author’s note. But there are still some parts of the fic that I haven’t talked about yet!!

♡ Before writing my angst fic, I reread all of my Capitano fics, within and beyond my Herbarium series, to refamiliarize myself with the characters of Capitano and Damsel. Along the way, I took note of certain lines + phrasing to use as references/ callbacks. Because of this, there are many parallels between Herbarium and Withering Purpurbloom. See highlighted text in the images below, left for Herbarium and right for Withering Purpurbloom.

♡ I didn’t put much thought into it at the time, but I used a nonlinear narrative and two POVs for this fic. Withering Purpurbloom is arranged in chronological order and narrated from Damsel’s perspective up until the last scene, which is Capitano’s final memory with Damsel before he left for Natlan. At the time, I just added that scene to give the story more emotional damage. But looking back, I think that was an unconsciously brilliant idea. Throughout the fic, Damsel questions her husband’s decisions and her place in his heart. But when we reach the finale, we get to see Capitano—Thrain—tell his side of their story and affirm his everlasting love for his darling. I think that affirmation was the best way to end Withering Purpurbloom.

♡ Also, I’ve received questions about what Capitano wrote in his final letter to Damsel. The short answer is that I didn’t rlly think of it, because I never had plans to write the complete letter; I feel like enough was already implied in the story. The longer, more impressive answer is that I think it’s more intimate if Capitano’s last words to Damsel are a secret between the two of them, even from the irl readers, just as he would have intended lol.

♡ Lastly, I continued my tradition of using flower names for fic titles in the Herbarium series. My friend @diodellet was the one who suggested Withering Purpurbloom after I asked her if there is any Natlanese flower that suits Capitano’s story/ character. If I were to ever write another fic that focuses on his death, I think I would use the yellow daffodils/ lilies from his Honor story teaser.

✿ FINAL NOTES ✿ 

♡ Withering Purpurbloom was finished on January 20, 2025. In a separate post, I said I’d create a canon-divergent AU in which Capitano was resurrected. But I ended up scrapping this idea and adhering to canon, because I didn’t have enough fic ideas lol. And with how Capitano’s story was written, I can’t rlly think of a satisfying way to write his revival.

♡ This was also the last fanfic I wrote. After that, I did post some short brainrots but these were obviously unlike the fics and headcanons I’d spend hours writing. This was mainly because Capitano’s in-game death meant that we were back to having little new content. (Thank you to Varka, Columbina, and Sandrone for the crumbs…) So my Capitano brainrot and inspiration suffered as a result.

♡ In 2025, I was also super busy with work, other hobbies, and irl obligations that put fanfic at the bottom of my priorities. Plus, I felt the need to take a step back from Tumblr for personal reasons. Those factors, plus Capitano’s death doing a number on my writing inspiration, led me to go on hiatus. Honestly, it helped a lot, and I want to take the time to thank the Anonies and followers who checked on me during this period.

♡ Right now, I have plans to write again. It isn’t a Capitano fic, though it is also another angst fic set in the I Love You, Darling universe that was immediately inspired by the character’s death. Read:: It’s about Yandere! Dottore and Assistant! Darling lol. Because this fic also heavily focuses on grief, I recalled Withering Purpurbloom and the similar emotions that led to its conception. That is how I finally mustered the motivation to write this author’s note.

♡ At the time of writing this, it’s been a year and half since Capitano’s sacrifice. I’ve had a lot of time to think about his character and how he changed not only my writing but also my life. Because of my Capitano brainrot, I was able to explore my writing style and rediscover my love for writing. I also got to meet so many people in the Genshin fandom, some of whom have become close friends and my favorite writers. In difficult times, he gave me a reason to look forward to the future. It’s very dramatic of me to say all this, but that’s the truth.

♡ I know there are many theories of Capitano being resurrected in a future patch. If that happens, I will be elated. But if he remains dead, I can accept that too. Just because his story has ended in canon doesn’t mean our time with him also has to end. I still have my ways of enjoying the character, from my writing to others’ fanworks to brainrot shared with my mutuals to the Capitano merch on my desk.

♡ Lastly, I want to say thank you to everyone!! To those who read this author’s note to the end, to my friends who supported me through every brainrot session, to my fellow Capitano simps who shared their love for the character, to my readers who have been with me all these years. And, of course, to Thrain for bringing me so much happiness.

You added the last flower and closed your notebook.

All of the flowers were for him, to be enclosed in your next letter—assuming that his mission had to be extended. Your gift would make for a nice reminder of Snezhnaya.

Of you.

The flowers were still fresh on the night of the messenger’s arrival.

✿ ⚘

You don’t believe it.

This must be a joke. Another betrayal, even.

As usual, your guard speaks to him first. But when they come inside, the messenger’s hands are empty of letters and parcels. You are asked to take a seat on the sofa.

The messenger repeats what he told Cyane.

“The Captain has departed from this world.”

No.

You stare at him, eyes wide.

Despite his mask, his sorrow is evident. He doesn’t stop there, rambling about battles and souls and a god who presides over death.

Capitano…someone like him wouldn’t go down without a fight.

There is the sound of glass shattering—are the servants listening in? Cyane stands next to the messenger, a grim expression on their face.

He won’t stop talking.

Why is he saying that your husband sacrificed himself? That death is the end he had been trying to reach all along?

No, no, no. He wouldn’t do such a thing. Not when he has you. Not when he knows that you’re here, waiting for him to come home.

Your vision blurs.

The room closes in on you.

The messenger’s mouth is still moving, but you can no longer tell what he is saying. There is a different noise—your own voice?

But what makes you think you are more important?

“My lady!” Cyane rushes to your side but you slap their hand away.

Dizzily, you stand up. You rush past them, out of the living room, through the front door.

You have to leave.

How long has it been since your husband’s sacrifice?

Which direction is Natlan?

The sky is dark.

There are no flowers in sight.

But there are traces of the messenger’s footprints, leading the way out of the woods.

In your haste, you trip and fall into the snow.

Cold. It’s so cold.

Hands wrap around your upper arms. That is when you panic and struggle in the grasp of your unknown assailant, fear overriding all of your thoughts.

“Don’t touch me!”

“My lady?” It’s one of the Fatuus who guards the estate. Private Herkyna tries to help you up but you flinch nonetheless.

Cyane runs outside. “Unhand her! Lady ______ is not to be—have you forgotten the orders of the late Captain?!”

The late…why are they already calling him that?!

Private Herkyna lets go of you. Now she is bowing and apologizing profusely. You don’t see the messenger anywhere—is he still in your home?

Cyane walks over to you and crouches to your level.

“Lady ______, please.” The pity in their gaze is unbearable. “Come back inside.”

“N-No.” Your voice comes out in strained whispers. “You’re lying. Let me go. Let…”

Cyane holds out their hand but you turn away. The snow is numbingly cold yet you grip it with both hands, if only to ground yourself to something physical.

When you look up, the sky is empty of stars.

“Let me see my husband!”

This can’t be true.

Yes, that’s it. This must be a dream, just another nightmare crafted by your fears and memories. Soon enough, you’ll open your eyes and see the stars in your husband’s gaze. And when that happens, he will comfort you, pull you into the warmth of his embrace, tell you it was all a dream that will never come true.

✿ ⚘

Ideally, you’d be in Natlan by now.

But there is only so much authority you hold as the wife of the First Harbinger, so you are still awaiting approval. From who, you don’t know.

Until then, you refuse to believe in the rumors.

You have to see Capitano with your own eyes. Only then can you believe that he is truly gone.

In the meantime, you are incapable of waiting.

Time passes slowly in the manor. It has always felt too big, too quiet in Capitano’s absence. But back then, you could sustain yourself with the promise of his return.

Come to think of it, did he say anything about coming home?

He always made that promise, before his missions and in his letters, but on the day he left for Natlan…his last words to you were a prayer for your everlasting happiness.

It’s not just that. The servants have gone into mourning. They don’t know how to act around you, with their piteous gazes and fruitless attempts at comfort.

You don’t talk to any of them. You keep to yourself, drowning out their words, drifting from one room to another in a disoriented haze.

A family portrait hangs in the living room, depicting you and Capitano. He’d kept his mask on, of course, to conceal the abyssal rot consuming his body. As for you, your lacy gown made you look like the princesses in your storybooks.

His face is still vivid in your memories, along with his loving expressions. But when you stare at your husband’s painted imitation, all you can see is the black void of his mask.

✿ ⚘

Three days later, Cyane brings you to Capitano’s office.

“Cyane,” you whisper, “why are we here?”

They speak carefully. “When I was selected for this job, the Captain gave me access to special documents. I was told to only open them if we received news of his…absence.”

Absence. That is the word they use around you these days.

Well, they aren’t wrong. From what you heard, your husband is still in Natlan.

Cyane unlocks the door, stepping aside so you can enter.

The office is familiar. In the past, you avoided that room and only went there if Capitano called for you. But later on, you became a frequent visitor of your own volition.

The desk is empty. So is the chair behind it. On the days he worked from home, Capitano would be here, signing documents and speaking to subordinates. Whenever you visited, he’d adjust his sitting position so you could make yourself comfortable on his lap.

Cyane walks over to his desk and takes out a set of keys. They unlock the leftmost drawer.

Inside is a leather folder engraved with Capitano’s insignia and two names—yours and Sergeant C. Naiad. That, too, has to be unlocked.

It is filled with several documents written in familiar handwriting. A few words catch your eye, and that is all it takes for you to step back.

“What…what is this?”

“I opened it as soon as we received the news,” Cyane explains. “The Captain left this behind to ensure your welfare in the event that he died in battle.”

Died. But he technically isn’t…

“Cyane.” Your voice comes out in a deathly whisper. “Did you know?”

Just how long has he been planning this?

They shake their head. “I knew nothing. When the Captain gave me the key to this drawer, he phrased it as a contingency plan, not…an inevitability.”

Cyane explains the documents to you. There is a signed will. A pension that ensures all of your needs will be met for the remainder of your life. And many other considerations.

One document provides options for your living situation. If you want, you can stay in Capitano’s estate; you have sole ownership. Otherwise, you can return to Mondstadt or relocate to another nation entirely. Wherever you go, the Fatui will permit it and your servants will follow you.

It’s funny, really. Had your captor died a few years ago, you would’ve felt relief. Joy. Freedom. But at this moment, your chest feels hollow.

Has Mondstadt changed?

It should be safe, seeing how Capitano brought justice upon your tormentors. Mondstadt Library will still be there, though you doubt that your coworkers missed you. As for the meadow…it was never yours to begin with.

You have nothing to return to, really.

How can you return to your days of barely living? What is waiting for you in the nation you once called home?

The last document is a sealed envelope.

Cyane gives it to you. “I didn’t read this. It’s for your eyes only.”

Wordlessly, you accept it. The envelope is thicker than any of Capitano’s previous letters. Your name is written on the back, the handwriting still familiar.

With that, you leave the office before Cyane can say another word.

You don’t read the letter, however. It is slipped between the pages of your notebook, joining the flowers you’d saved for your husband.

✿ ⚘

The condolences are insufferable.

Thankfully, you don’t receive any visitors or official summons from the Fatui. But sympathy gifts begin to pile up in your estate, all from your husband’s colleagues.

You’ve overheard the servants predicting a funeral in Zapolyarny Palace. It will likely happen, seeing how all of the Harbingers gathered to “mourn” La Signora.

Hopefully, you won’t be invited. From what Capitano told you, the meeting will only be a clash of egos, insincere pleasantries, formal discussions in which your husband’s death will be referred to as a necessary step in the grand scheme of the Tsaritsa.

There are also rumors that there is more to Capitano’s plan than his sacrifice. But you’ve yet to receive any official confirmation.

There is a vase of lilies from a long-forgotten acquaintance. A maid asks if you’d like to preserve it, and your response is a blank stare.

The flowers are left to wilt.

✿ ⚘

Your hobbies are your only distraction.

A week later, you continue your morning strolls. Cyane escorts you as usual, but there are more Fatuus in the distance. They are likely here to stop you from running off to Natlan.

…Snezhnaya feels colder. At this time of the year, most of the flowers have shed their petals and returned to the earth. Those that remain are all picked and passed to Cyane.

You can give them to your husband when the two of you reunite.

To think that the last time you walked around the woods, you were picking flowers without a care in the world. Though your morning strolls are more enjoyable in Capitano’s company.

The rosebush is still there. But its flowers are gone; all that remain are frost-covered thorns.

A year ago, you learned that the rosebush was artificially planted in the estate. It’s just like your husband to perform these quiet gestures for you.

Back then, you were still afraid of him. Nonetheless, he remained patient with you.

Your hand wraps around a barren stem.

The thorns are sharp, just the way you remember them. Capitano always told you to be careful when handling the roses. He’d even offer to pick them and remove the thorns for you.

He was gentle with you, too, the first time you pricked yourself on these flowers.

But it’s different now. These thorns are pricking your palm in different places. There are no white petals to absorb the blood. It is Cyane’s hand that catches your wrist, their urgent tone that breaks the silence. It is a healer, not Capitano, who treats the wounds.

Later, you flip through your notebook. Capitano’s last letter included several Natlanese flowers. Even during his most important mission, he’d taken the time to pick them for you. It was always your favorite gift, not just the flowers but the knowledge that he was constantly thinking of you.

Cyane hands you the flowers you’d picked earlier, newly thawed.

Your notebook has run out of blank pages, but you refuse to get a new one. You stack layers of flowers and parchment paper between the final pages, then you slam it shut and press down on the cover. The flowers flatten.

Still, your notebook won’t close fully.

✿ ⚘

These days, you hide in the library.

In the beginning of your captivity, there was a single stack of books in your room. As the months passed, it expanded to a floor-to-ceiling bookcase, followed by a personal library. Your husband had always been supportive of your hobby, so long as it wasn’t used “as a means to avoid him.”

The entire library is yours. Every time you receive a new book, you write your name on the front page and place it on a specific shelf. Unlike the books you handled as a librarian, your books are arranged according to your own system of classification.

A week before the messenger’s arrival, a set of books was delivered to the manor. In addition to sequels, there were new titles which you expressed interest in but never mentioned to Capitano. You assumed that it was Cyane who told him.

One of the books was written by a Snezhnayan author, but he’d purchased a translated edition. Thus, you were able to read it on your own; there was no need to wait for Capitano’s return.

The Snezhnayan titles take up their own bookcase. Unlike their newest addition, the books are all printed in their native language. As such, you couldn’t read them without Capitano’s help. By now, your proficiency has improved but you haven’t touched those books ever since he left.

What was the last book he read to you?

It was a love story about a cursed dragon and a captive princess. In the end, the dragon’s curse was lifted with true love’s kiss. And they all lived happily ever after.

But that was an adaptation of a fairytale. The original story ended in tragedy.

✿ ⚘

One night, you dream of your husband.

In your dream, you reunite with him in a meadow of dandelions and Inteyvats.

He wears a pristine uniform with an eight-pointed star over his chest. His mask is off, revealing a face free of scars and abyssal rot.

His cursed appearance had never bothered you, at least after you got used to it.

His eyes are the only part of his body which remain the same. And yet those deep blue stars are gazing at you with indifference. The same emotion that you’d seen, time and time again, in the eyes of your foster family and caretakers from Mondstadt Orphanage.

He doesn’t acknowledge you. Is it because he doesn’t recognize you?

Perhaps that is it. After all, just as Capitano’s old body has been preserved, so has yours. Every inch of your skin is covered in old bruises and wounds, along with the pain of each memory.

Your voice is audible, restored to its original state before you began speaking in whispers. When you call out to him, there is no pain in your throat.

But he doesn’t respond. Behind him, you can make sight of a war-torn battlefield.

You run towards him but the meadow stretches, widening the distance to him. Capitano turns around and walks in the direction of the battlefield, leaving crushed flowers in his wake.

Is it because he doesn’t know you? Or has he simply tired of protecting you?

In the end, even this imaginary version of your husband didn’t hesitate to discard you.

✿ ⚘

Your trip to Natlan is finally approved.

A group of Fatuus, including Cyane, make preparations to escort you. An official report confirms that you will be welcomed by the Captain’s remaining soldiers stationed in Natlan.

You don’t pack much. You are only traveling to reunite with your husband, after all.

This is different from the trip you had in mind. Before, you’d envisioned Capitano bringing you to Natlan for a vacation after his victory. He only had good things to say about the nation.

It was a year into your marriage when he told you about his battles in Natlan, his previous life in Khaenri’ah, the souls he’d carried in his heart for the past five hundred years. What he didn’t tell you was the sacrifice required to grant salvation to his fallen comrades.

Sometimes, you forget that he has lived a whole life before you.

It’s nothing to be jealous over, not when the same can be said for you.

But in those moments…it became clear that you were only a short chapter in his life.

You tell the servants to prepare clothes suitable for Natlan’s climate. When you check your luggage, you are pleased to note that they didn’t pack mourning attire.

You still wear your wedding ring, with its little flowers sculpted from gold and jewels.

There was no romantic proposal or wedding. A few weeks after your abduction, Capitano simply slipped it onto your finger. From then on, he began calling you his wife.

It was a perfect fit. Capitano had his own ring, and you rarely saw him without it.

Similar to him, you wear it around your ring finger. Other times, you hang it from a necklace chain, keeping it close to your heart.

✿ ⚘

In Natlan, you introduce yourself with Capitano’s family name.

Until now, you aren’t used to hearing a surname after your first name.

In Mondstadt, only your first name is registered in official records. When you were part of your foster family, you had no opportunity to use your new name; you only know that “______ Maier” was written in adoption papers long reduced to ashes.

In contrast, your name is registered with Capitano’s family name in Snezhnaya. And when you began accepting his love, you were all too happy to use it in introductions.

It was a significant decision. To him, who had lost his family in the Cataclysm. To you, who never had a family before him.

You also know about Capitano’s true name, though you rarely use it out of respect for his past. But whenever you dared to call him Thrain, his reaction was one of affection.

Now, in Natlan, you hear his true name spoken in reference to a legendary hero. But you don’t ask for those stories, and instead focus on your husband’s soldiers.

They are visibly somber, eroding what is left of your hope. Worse are their thoughts of you.

Prior to their mission, you were mainly known as the mysterious wife of Il Capitano with your frail countenance and melancholy gaze. But now there is a different tone to their whispers.

“The Captain’s widow is here.”

“Was her gaze always this dim?”

“Poor thing…you can tell that something has broken in her.”

Rotchev brings you to a monument honoring those who lost their lives in the war. The Captain’s image is sculpted on it, and it isn’t just his soldiers who visit it. An elderly man named Munay offers to host you in his home, out of gratitude to him.

…The nation seems lovely, and you can see why it never left your husband’s memory. But grief plants persistent seeds of resentment, and you have little reason to enjoy Natlan in solitude.

In the end, you are introduced to Ororon, the Natlanese hero who worked closely with Capitano.

He is awkward around you, if not surprised by the revelation that the Captain was married. He does recall a few instances when he spied on him picking flowers; when he gives the names, you recognize those flowers from his last gift.

He agrees to bring you to him.

✿ ⚘

Here he is.

Your husband sits upon a throne surrounded by dark ice. A stairway leads up to him.

He looks like a character straight from a fairytale. A dignified ruler. A lonely warrior distanced from those he saved. Or perhaps even a sleeping beauty waiting for his beloved to wake him.

Cyane guides Ororon away from the Throne of the Primal Fire, far enough to give you privacy but close enough to come to your aid if anything happens.

With that, you walk up the steps. You don’t stop until you’re right in front of him.

Up close, your husband looks the same. His chest rises and falls with steady breaths.

Your voice is barely above a whisper. “Capitano?”

Silence. He remains seated.

You reach out to him. “It’s me, ______.”

Cold. His body is so cold.

Still, you don’t let go of his hand. The muscles are relaxed and when you check his palm, you find his wedding ring under his gauntlet. But the warmth of his touch is gone.

You look up. “I’m sorry for making you wait. I tried…I really did try to come here as soon as possible.”

The silence is stifling.

Carefully, you kneel on the space between his legs so you can face him. Up close, you can peer into his mask. But no stars gaze back at you, only darkness.

Why would he do such a thing?

“This…isn’t the end, is it?” You speak louder, as much as your voice permits. “You didn’t get the Gnosis, after all, and the Tsaritsa…there must be another phase to your plan.”

Why did he save you if he knew your story would only end in tragedy?

Your vision blurs.

“Please. Tell me you aren’t gone.”

Blinking back tears, you shake him by his shoulders. But the only sounds you hear are the clink of chains, your unsteady breaths. The cracking of your voice.

Why have you been holding on to false hope?

Desperately, you tilt his head and bring your lips to his.

…They’re just as cold. Unresponsive.

When you pull away, he remains asleep.

“Thrain, wake up!”

What made you think that life would play out like a fairytale?

That is when you give up.

The tears won’t stop.

It’s so hard to breathe.

“Could…Couldn’t you have at least told me?” you shout. Your voice breaks again, coupled with a familiar ache in your throat. “Why…?”

What is left of your future?

How could the gods be so cruel as to deprive you of love time and time again?

For once in your life, couldn’t you be less selfish?

You cover your mouth but incoherent noises continue to spill from your lips. It’s too loud, all distinction lost between your words and your sobs. So noisy.

But Capitano’s response is nonexistent. This body doesn’t hug you; neither does it carry you out of this horrible place. It remains still, cold as a corpse, indifferent to your grief.

You bury your face into his coat and continue crying.

✿ ⚘

At some point, you cry yourself to sleep.

When you wake up, the sky is dark. You’re still clinging to Capitano’s body but a blanket covers you—did Cyane check on you? Nothing else has changed.

By now, you’re exhausted. Your voice has reached its limit, and your tears have dried. Numbly, you change your position so you can sit on your husband’s lap.

For the next few minutes, you just stay there. Taking in the silence, the familiar shape of his body, the ambience of his final resting place.

Here, the sky is foggy. There are no stars in sight.

Finally, you turn around to face him.

“Thank you for everything,” you whisper. Your throat hurts but you force out the words. “Capitano…I’ve missed you. I hope—”

I hope you come back.

But you dare not say it, thinking of your time in Mondstadt Orphanage when such words were a cruel wish. Back then, goodbyes meant that someone was leaving for a happier place. Why would anyone want them to return—discarded, faded, like you?

So you don’t say it. Your husband has suffered enough.

Instead, you take your notebook out of your bag. “Here, this is for you.”

You flip to the final pages. Then you take out all of the flowers you’d preserved from the beginning of his mission—the Natlanese flowers from his gifts, the Snezhnayan flowers picked since the day of his death.

You slip each flower into his coat pocket, close to his heart. When you touch his chest, you feel the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

Well, there’s no denying that he loved you. Not in the same way as his comrades, but he still made room in his heart for you.

You stand up and fix the creases on his clothes. Another kiss is given but again, no reaction.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back,” you tell him. A ghost of a smile makes its way to your face. “I still have so many flowers to offer to you, after all.”

With that, you walk down the stairway. Before you head in the direction of the exit, you turn back to look at your husband.

…He looks tranquil. Preserved in death, just like your flowers.

Wherever it is, may his soul rest in peace.

✿ ⚘

Cyane says nothing when you approach them, eyes red and voice hoarse.

Neither does Ororon, though you can tell he is resisting the urge to ask questions. Before you go separate ways, he asks if you are leaving soon.

“...No,” you whisper. With the pain in your throat, you are barely audible. “I’d like to stay longer. I still have so much to tell my husband, after all. Thank you for showing me the way.”

Cyane brings you to the Fatui encampment. The soldiers look even more concerned when they see you, but you walk past them and enter your husband’s tent.

It’s still furnished. When you go through his things, you find your letters, including the last one you sent him. A locked box containing every flower you’d gifted him. Reports written in Cyane’s handwriting. A Withering Purpurbloom that didn’t make it into his letters.

The flower is added to your notebook. You can give it to him when it is fully preserved.

Sighing, you lie down. Now that you’ve seen your husband…what’s left to do?

There is the matter of your future. You don’t want to move out of Snezhnaya; the manor has too many memories you can’t let go of. Maybe you can arrange for regular visits to your husband’s body. You don’t know if it’s grief or hope that makes you unwilling to leave what remains of him.

For now, you might as well honor his wishes and read his last words to you.

You wrap yourself in his blanket; if you close your eyes, you can pretend the warmth is from his embrace. Then you take his letter out of your bag and open the envelope.

…There are so many pages. A past version of your husband awaits you, preserved in paper and ink. And this certainly won’t be the last time you read his message—you’ll read it again and again, as with his other letters, until you can memorize it by heart.

“My beloved flower…”

✿ ⚘

The night before your husband’s departure, you stayed awake to enjoy your remaining time together.

He told you not to force yourself but you were stubborn. This would be his longest mission and for just one night, you wanted to spare him of the voices within his heart.

You helped him pack his bags. Capitano read one last Snezhnayan story to you, then he shared anecdotes from his past. The two of you went outside to view the stars and when you found none, you turned to him and said that his gaze would suffice.

Before dawn broke, the two of you cuddled in bed.

“Will you miss me?” you whispered. This time, you didn’t hold back your yawn—you made Capitano promise to wake you up in a few hours.

By now, that question had become part of your routine. His answer was always the same.

“I will.” He pulled back to look at your face. But his arms were still around you, caging you in his embrace. “From the bottom of my heart.”

There was a soft light in your eyes as you met his gaze, committing his face to memory—his scars, his abyssal rot, his loving expression, those deep blue eyes that held the stars.

Your hand moved lower to his chest, feeling the rhythm of his heartbeat. “I’ll miss you too.”

His kiss was warm. He felt your smile against his lips.

With that, you closed your eyes and fell asleep. There were so many more things you wanted to tell him, but you decided to save it for another day. For your future letters. For your inevitable reunion. For the happy future in your delusions.

As for Capitano, everything had already been said and written.

“May you thrive in the peaceful world I leave behind to you.”

 ♡

Read the author's note here (⁠｡ > ⁠ω < ⁠｡⁠) ♡ .ᐟ

…And then Capitano got resurrected and they lived happily ever after hahahaha /deranged. 

Fufufufu so what did you think of this tragic ending?? *evil laugh* Like I said earlier, I’m not into angst but I had fun writing this fic. I even slipped in a few parallels to Herbarium for eagle-eyed readers. Also, a big thank you to my long-time beta-reader @diodellet <3

Lastly, I want to say thank you to everyone who has expressed their love for CapiDamsel!! Capitano and Damsel will always occupy a special place in my heart and don’t worry, this isn’t the last you’ll see of them. For now, do share your tears and reactions with me >:’3