idioteque

Jess hates dressing up. In high school, it was easier to convince herself that it was worth it – she thrived on the attention and any effort was worth gaining it – but now, twenty-two with back aches and a simple desire to just be comfortable, it’s pretty much the worst thing she’s ever heard of. But there’s a school event tonight, and even though Jess isn’t a real teacher, she still feels obligated to be there. The closer she gets, though, the more she regrets the decision. Jess sighs and lifts up her hair, turning her back to Kevin, just thankful that he was there to pick up Sophie. “Can you just clip this for me?”

Jess looked at him in a mix of confusion and concern because she was the one who sometimes worried he didn’t care about her. Maybe they were friends, but there was always the doubt he only stuck around for Kyla, and while that would be fine, Jess found herself wanting more than that. “That’s why I call you stupid,” she said simply. Answering sincerely felt like a step she wasn’t ready to take just yet.

Jess eyed the stuffed animal and drew herself up straight. Okay, so she still slept with stuffed animals, so what, they were cute and comforting and it wasn’t exactly like she could cuddle Kyla in her crib at night. “If you make fun of me, I swear to god I will kick you.”At least he didn’t know its name. She sighed and pointed at her room. “Put it back.”

Jess didn’t know what she wanted. She hadn’t thought about what she wanted since Kyla became a factor; everything since then had only been about improving Kyla’s life, becoming better for Kyla, Kyla. And while Jess loved Kyla with every fiber of her being and never regretted a moment of it, it was difficult when people decided to suddenly confront her about her feelings. As good as she was with others, she wasn’t as in tune with herself. “Give me time, Adam. That’s all I’m asking for.”

When she’d seen Maigen rush by, her first instinct was to follow. After raising Kyla, she’d observed the scene enough times to understand what was happening; as the one with considerably more experience, she felt obligated to at least lend a hand. Jess leaned against the doorframe, staring at her niece with concern as she voiced her worries. She laughed dryly. “No, honey, you’re not dying,” she started, attempting an explanation, but was interrupted by Maigen’s sudden nausea. Her thoughts of consoling turned to thoughts of action instead, and she quickly bent beside her, rubbing circles into the small of her back. She’d always hated this part -- she ended up feeling sick, too, in the end -- but it was unavoidable. Jess stared at the wall in an attempt to distract herself for the time being, nose scrunched.

Adam chuckled before closing the car door behind her, it was weird walking into an interrogation. Really his parents had no right to demand to see Jess but after they found out about Kyla they threatened to cut him off and he can’t really afford teachers college without them. “It’ll be fine, just sit, eat, and occasionally smile. All else fails we’ll just get Kyla to fake sick,” he said with a smile trying to ease the woman before he opened up the back seat letting Kyla out.

The last thing she’d expected was having to meet Adam’s parents. She didn’t exactly mind, and she understood that they were Kyla’s grandparents, but it was sudden and confusing and she still wasn’t sure what to think about it. Jess sighed, watching as Adam handled Kyla, a small smile unintentionally settling on her mouth. “You’re terrible at excuses,” she commented, but didn’t argue; even if the excuse was horrible, she’d take it. Although she'd never had difficulty making people like her, especially the elderly, she couldn’t help feeling unnerved. “I’ll smile full-force and they’ll have no choice but to adore me.”

“You look nervous.”

“I am a little, but... it's fine. It's fine! I already know I'm likable.”