annie

first, you’d wandered into the store in a daze, forgetting that joshua was grabbing the shopping cart with your daughter, after having sat in the front seat watching him drive for twenty minutes. his hand sat steady at ten and two, ever the safe driver when your daughter was present, though at stop lights he would sometimes grab your hand or settle his palm on your leg. you felt lost since the morning, woke up with your mind cloudy and your brain foggy just at the mere sight of him.

then, you couldn’t remember a single thing on your grocery list. in your clouded state, you must’ve forgotten the list in the kitchen; it wasn’t a big deal, except for the fact that you literally couldn’t think about a single thing that you needed to buy, and you are usually the one leading the pack around the store. so the three of you have been wandering around the grocery store for longer than you want to be, circling back to the same aisles you’ve already been on because you can’t remember what it is you need to buy.

now you’re back in the dairy aisle, unsure of why you’re back because youve already grabbed milk and cream cheese, so you’re just standing in front of the cold, double doors without a single thought in your head. “yogurt, maybe?” joshua tries, pausing his conversation with your child to help you out. you blink once, twice before mumbling out a ‘right’ and pulling the doors open and grabbing a container.

“mommy, that’s not the right one!” your daughter whines when you drop it in the basket. she’s frowning at you, eyebrows crinkled the same way joshua’s do. god. you make the mistake of looking up at him, and your entire body flushes you meet his gaze. his eyes are soft but questioning, asking if you if you’re alright without actually saying it. no, i’m not, you think to yourself, discreetly sweeping your hand up your neck to check your pulse. it’s fast, and you’re definitely still alive.

joshua watches you with mild concern; he’s noticed your strange, avoidant behavior since this morning when he got back from the gym. you had looked almost surprised when he walked into your bedroom, like you weren’t expecting him back. your eyes widened, and your lips parted like you were going to say something but nothing came out. he beat you to words, anyway, giving you a soft ‘good morning’ that made you blush—he’d ignored it because you seemed… off—and kissed you on the lips. he thought he really smelled with the way you rushed your lips off of his and rolled out of bed, nearly tripping over your own feet. joshua grabbed you so you wouldn’t fall, and he felt you tense in his hold, a frown etching on his features. he brushed it off and asked if you wanted to shower with him, expecting a ‘yes’ from the look that flashed through your eyes, but you instead mumbled something about having to make breakfast before hurrying out of the bedroom all together. you basically avoided him all day since then, never really looking at him or talking to him directly—none of which you do on a constant basis.

the yogurt was, in fact, incorrect down to the brand and flavor. “i’m sorry, baby,” you say to your daughter, running a hand over her hair before grabbing the yogurt to swap it out for the correct one, this time taking a few seconds to scan everything in the fridge. you appreciate the cold air from the refrigerator, as it cools you down from the rush of heat you feel along your face and neck. you take a breath and tell yourself to get a fucking grip before dropping the correct item into the cart.

“daddy, can i get ice cream?” your daughter asks joshua as you start ambling through the grocery store. you cut your eyes at your daughter for not asking you, but you know it’s because joshua never says no to her.

“of course, princess,” and you watch with pure adoration as he places a kiss on her forehead and she just giggles, scrunching her shoulders up to her ears. joshua is a good husband, but he’s an even better father, and you love watching him interact with your daughter. they have a special connection that you love to witness, a secret language just between the two of them. it’s moment like this where you want another kid—or maybe it’s part of the hazy mess you’re in because of his sheer existence.

you follow behind joshua towards the ice cream aisle. the shirt he wears is tight on him, straining against his biceps and shoulders. you can make out his back muscles depending on how the light hits the fabric, and you feel even crazier than before. his muscles have been the source of your you distracted state today. joshua has always been muscular, and he’s always worked out, but something about him recently has flipped a switch in your brain that has made you feel absolutely feral every time you catch a mere glimpse of his arms—which is quite literally every day. this morning it was too overwhelming, him coming home and shedding his jacket to reveal himself in a simple black tank top that looked a size too small, and gray sweats that made you feel like you needed to go to confessional.

another rush of cold air pulls you out of your lustful daze and you stand at the back of the shopping cart as joshua shuffles through the cartons of ice cream, asking your daughter her input. you try to keep your eyes focused on your daughter, anything else, but cant help when they drift over to your husband, his arms flexing each time he grabs a pint and displays it to your daughter. joshua casts a glance at you, a smile that says can you believe this? when you daughter shakes her head for the fourth time, despite not asking to look for herself. you blush under his gaze, heat spreading down your neck and chest before settling in your stomach.

"i thought you liked the oreo one?" you say to your daughter, voice slightly hoarse. you smooth a hand over her hair to give yourself something to do, hands a little clammy from all of your nerves working overtime.

"i do..." she trails off, turning to look at you with a tiny pout on her lips.

"tell daddy before he freezes," you say, placing a soft kiss on her cheek. just the mere reference to joshua feels heavy in your mouth, makes your stomach flutter for reasons you can't really explain.

joshua places the pint of oreo ice cream into the cart, circling around to the front and playfully ticking your daughter under her chin. she giggles loudly and you smile as you watch her become a spitting image of her father. arms cage you between the carts handlebar and a firm chest, and suddenly your eyes are no longer on your kid but on the strong, veiny forearms that belong to your husband. “excuse me,” he murmurs, a teasing lilt to his voice like he knows that you’re losing your mind at the simple sight of him.

wordlessly, you gently grab his right arm to remove yourself from his entrapment. “hey,” joshua says softly, reaching out for your wrist as you move swiftly to get away from him. turning, goosebumps arise on your skin, and you tell yourself that it’s because his hands are ice cold. “you okay, honey?” your stomach flips and you press your lips into a small smile, nodding.

joshua stares at you for a beat before leaning down a few inches, silently begging for a kiss. you nearly combust at the thought, not trustworthy of yourself to behave normally in public. but his eyes are fond, and you love him so much and want him so bad that you raise up on your toes and brace yourself on his shoulders before delivering a soft, quick peck to his lips. you’re proud of yourself for holding back, but joshua isn’t satisfied because he stays leaned over in the spot you kissed him in for a few seconds after the fact that you’ve pulled away. if you were at home, he’d yank you back to him but because you’re in public he files that grievance away and straightens up.

“i want a kiss,” your daughter pouts, cutely crossing her arms over her chest. since she doesn’t specify from whom, both of you lean in and press kisses to her cheeks. her giggle ripples through you, filling your stomach with butterflies and your chest with a type of love reserved only for her. you’re momentarily pulled away from your joshua shaped daze, until his hand is settling on your lower back. it chilling, his touch, and it’s not because his hands are ice cold from standing in the grocery store freezer for two minutes.

a shiver runs up your spine and you slip out of his grasp, not paying attention to where or what you’re walking into until joshua is pulling you back into him, his hand splayed across your stomach and your back colliding with his chest. “babe, watch out,” a woman pushing a cart stops short, a look of remorse on her face.

“oh my god, did i hit you?” she asks, and you figure you must look injured or something, because she looks genuinely concerned for your wellbeing. the flush on your face is not due to the fact that you were almost ran over, but because joshua hasn’t moved his hand from your stomach and hasn’t put any distance between your back and his front. he stays pressed against you, holding you firmly in front of him, his hold tightening ever so slightly.

“n-no, i’m alright,” you manage, lips tingling. “i swear.” you add when her eyebrows don’t drop from her hairline. at that, she seems to believe you enough snd offers you a smile and a curt nod before hurrying down the aisle.

“are you alright, honey? you’re trembling,” joshua says, his deep voice like melted wax running down your back. you make the mistake of looking up and over your shoulder at him, his palm pressing into your lower belly.

he peers down at you with soft eyes, ready to question you again until your tongue darts out to wet your lips before you tuck your bottom lip under your top one and nod. he knows the look in your eyes all too well—hunger, but not for food—and heat pools in his chest. joshua is much better at hiding his desire for you, especially in public and in front of your child, and he’s able to keep his expression the same, pretending he never saw that look in your eye. “i’m fine,” you’re shuffling away from him again, this time checking to make sure you’re not seconds away from being ran over with a shopping cart.

somehow, you three mange to finish your shopping trip without anymore mishaps. it requires circling back to the same aisles more than once because neither you nor josh can remember what you wanted to buy, but at least you can say you’re done. joshua loads the groceries into the trunk while you buckle your daughter into the backseat. she yawns, stretching her little arms up and out. “sleepy?” you ask her, a small smile on your face.

“no,” she says, vehemently shaking her head. you chuckle hum a sound of disbelief before dropping a kiss on her forehead and going to the front seat. the trunk closes and you suck in a breath as you watch him in the rearview mirror. he brushes his hand through his hair, and even through the mirror and the tint of the trunk window, you can make out his bicep muscle flexing with the motion.

it’s nearly pathetic how horny you feel just looking at him—like an overgrown teenager who just got into their first relationship. except you’re an adult, married to this man, and this behavior is no longer considered ‘cute’.

joshua gets into the front seat and smiles at you, leaning over the console to give you a kiss. his hand rests on the side of your neck, and you wonder if he’s trying to check your pulse, to mess with you. you keep your hands to yourself, because if you touch him, you might never stop.

pulling back from your mouth, he looks into your eyes before flicking them back down to your lips. joshua starts to lean in but seems to remember you’re not alone, and sits back in his seat, his hand lingering on your neck for a moment before he starts the car and asks your daughter if she’s ready to go.

the car ride is quiet, save for your daughters yawns and insistence that she is not tired. she makes most of the noise, talking about random things that you and joshua entertain with ease. he watches her in the review mirror with real, unconditional love in his eyes. it does nothing to help your situation, and just makes you want to give him another baby.

when you arrive back at your house, you quickly get out of the car, grateful to get out of the stuffy, suffocating feeling of being in the front seat. you walk around the back and help your daughter out, ready to carry her inside until she exclaims, “i want to help!”

you ser her down on the ground and she runs over to joshua. you watch him give her two of the lighter bags of groceries, and raises her arms to show you, a big smile on her face. you smile back and press in the garage code and tell her to go inside of the house, seemingly leaving you and joshua alone. you sidle up next to him, and joshua lightly bumps his hip into yours. “hmm?” you question without looking up from the numerous bags in the back of the car.

“why are you avoiding me?” he asks, and the directness makes your hands clam up.

“i’m not avoiding you,” you say, taking a few grocery bags and backing up from him.

“you quite literally are.”

you stare up at him, his eyebrows knitted together in slight irritation. “i still love you, if that’s what you’re asking,” you clarify. his features soften and his shoulders relax a bit. those shoulders. your eyes drifts down his figure, lingering on his flexed forearms, veins bulging out from the tension of carrying the grocery bags.

joshua watches you obviously ogle and check him out, his entire figure relaxing at his realization. “oh, i get it now,” he teases, a slow smirk sliding across his lips.

“get what?” you play dumb, taking a tentative step backwards before turning around and trying to keep your walk casual as you walk through the garage. it’s so obvious you’re trying to keep space between the two of you, putting anything in the way to keep you off of him.

“that you wan-“ joshua cuts himself off because you push open the door that leads you into the house. he clears his throat and closes the garage door before following behind you into the kitchen. your daughter is standing on her tippy toes trying to reach a cupboard that’s way to high for her, concentration etched on her face. “need help, bub?” he asks, setting his bags down on the counter.

“i can’t reach,” she whines, yawning immediately after. joshua lifts her up into his arms and opens the cupboard for her abd allows her to put the item away. “i’m tired, daddy.” she rests her head on his shoulder, tiny arms encircling around his neck.

you watch them and you feel your heart grow three times in size, like the grinch. joshua coos at her and pats her head before agreeing to put her down for a nap. you busy yourself with unloading the groceries, stomach flipping at the thought of having at least an hour alone with your husband. you can’t believe how depraved you feel.

joshua comes back downstairs a few minutes later, right when you’re putting the last thing into the fridge. “you finished?” he asks. you nod, heart hammering in your chest as he walks over to you. his hands drop onto your hips, pulling you flush against him. you keep your eyes straight ahead, leveled wirh his chest, and joshua dips his head down to meet your eyes. “see: you’re avoiding me.”

hear creeps up your neck and you shake your head. “i’m not.”

“don’t try to gaslight me,” he teases, making you roll your eyes and finally look up at him. “there she is.” he murmurs, leaning down a few centimeters to connect your lips. your hands flatten against his chest, and he walks your backwards into one of the kitchen counters. joshua leans over you, trying to press you flat against the surface despite the lack of space.

“shua,” you breathe once you pull away when he unbuttons your jeans.

“what, you’ve got somewhere better to be?” he asks, arching one of his eyebrows.

“i… i have to do laundry…” you say halfheartedly. joshua laughs at this, dropping his forehead against yours. “i’m serious!” you say, but you’re smiling too. “i want to go back to avoiding you.”

joshua pulls back to look down at you, making a face that says for what? “i thought you wanted me to fuck you?”

“yeah, i’m afraid nothing will keep me off of you if we start,” you say honestly. joshua blushes deeply, a boyish grin on his face. “i want you so bad—i think i might be ovulating? i don’t know. i just want you so. bad.” you punctuate the last part with the press of your knuckles into his chest.

“you’re ovulating?” it’s like bells went off in his head.

“maybe, i don’t know. i don’t keep track of that shit. i just need an explanation for how i feel,” you say, hands sliding along his chest absentmindedly.

joshua raises both of his eyebrows at you, fake shock on his face. “maybe because you have a super hot and sexy husband who is also a really good father? just a hunch.”

“no, i don’t think that’s it,” he rolls his eyes at you and you giggle, balling his shirt up into your fists and pulling him down to you. joshua grips onto the counter to steady himself, his hold tight enough to turn his knuckles white. he presses his pelvis into yours, his his erection pressing against your leg.

joshua wraps an arm around you and splays his hand across the small of your back. he presses you down onto the counter and you grip his shoulders tightly, craning your mouth away from his to breathe out, “not here.” he pulls you up from the counter and looks down at you, his chest moving up and down quickly. you can practically see the gears turning in his head as he thinks about a place to fuck you that won’t bring attention to the two of you. “laund-ah!” he swoops you up into his arms easily, already carrying you in the direction of your laundry room before you can even get the entire word out.

you wrap your legs around his waist as you buzz with need and anticipation. you let yourself revel at being carried by him after lusting over his arms all day. he carries you like you’re weightless, with his his hands resting under your ass for support. “god,” you whisper to yourself, pressing a kiss into his neck.

“i love you,” he rasps as he enters the laundry room. he shuts and locks the door behind him before dropping you onto the washing machine. his hands are flying to undo the buttons of your blouse and you pull him closer using your ankles that are still wrapped around him.

“love you more,” you murmur, helping him with removing your top. “your turn.” your urge, pulling the hem of his shirt.

“sure you can handle it?” he teases. you flush and lightly push at his abdomen. “don’t wanna make you pass out or anything.” he smirks at you, loving to watch you squirm.

“i can handle it,” you say, feeling so embarrassed to even be in this position. luckily, joshua is sweet to you above all and draws you in for a kiss. you skate your hands up underneath his shirt, nails lightly scratching against his torso. “take it off.” you mumble against his lips, hands pushing up the material of his shirt. you feel like you could rip him out of the fabric.

joshua pulls back and makes an entire show of getting undressed. he runs a hand through his hair and purposefully flexes his bicep as he does so. if this was any other time, you’d roll your eyes and call him annoying. but today, all you can do is watch and try not to drool.

he pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it into an empty laundry basket nearby. you waste no time leaning forward and pulling him into a kiss, threading your fingers through his hair. you move to kiss his jaw and then his neck, your hands sliding down his body. you kiss across his chest, going lower until the position becomes uncomfortable. lightly shoving him, you hop off of the washing machine and drop to your knees in front of him.

joshua watches you with dark eyes, holding onto the edge of the machine. you fumble with his belt, hands shaking with anticipation of finally having him, and he makes no effort to help you out. your hands work too fast, and you mess up when you try to pull the buckle open for the second time. “i’ve got all day,” he say smugly. you ignore him, and finally pull his belt free. you work his pants down to his ankles, leaving. him in just his briefs. you let out a breath and look up at him with pure lust. “as pretty as you look right now, you’d look much better with my cock in your mouth.”

quickly, you pull his underwear down and let them pool together with his pants, hands flying to grab ahold of his member. you pump him a few times, flicking your eyes to look up at him. joshua gives you a slight nod, signaling you to start sucking, and you eagerly oblige. sticking your tongue out, you lick up the precum that dribbles out of the tip before you wrap your lips around the head and push him into your mouth, cheeks hollowing as you go. a groan escapes joshua’s mouth and he gathers your hair into a makeshift ponytail.

you drag him into your mouth inch by inch, your eyes never once leaving his. his chest heaves up and down, moving faster and faster the closer you get to taking him all the way. tears prick in your eyes when he hits the back of your throat, but you keep going until your nose nearly presses into his hips. “shit,” he whispers, leaning more of his weight into the washing machine.

you bob your head up and down, pulling back and stroking what doesn’t fit. you swirl your tongue around the tip, cheeks hollowing to create more suction when you suck on the tip. joshua moans lowly above you and tells you how good you’re doing. his eyes flutter shut, squeezed shut in pleasure and his chin drops down to his mouth. you want his eyes on you, want him to watch you as you make him feel good, so you purposefully scrape your teach against his dick to get his attention.

his eyes fly open as he jerks back from you, glaring at you when you smile around him. “brat,” he spits and tightens his grip on your hair. you sigh through your nose and press your thighs together, cunt throbbing with need. you keep bobbing your head, speeding up slightly and taking more of him into your mouth. when joshua presses your head down, you relax your throat and let him take control, hands moving to hold onto his thighs. “good girl.” he grunts, holding your head down on his dick for a few seconds until you gag, and then he pulls you off of him.

he does this a few more times, his cock twitching against your tongue. tears gather in your eyes but you power through, determined to make him cum. he pulls you down onto him, cursing each time he hits the back of your throat. “fuck, you take me so well. i’m c-close,” tears slip down your cheeks and mix in with the spit and cum. your face is a mess, but neither of you care.

joshua fucks his cock into your mouth, holding your head steady in his hands. you dig your nails his thighs to combat the ache in your jaw. he thrusts into your mouth until he can’t take the feeling of your warm mouth around him anymore, his cum shooting into the back of your throat. you keep your mouth open to catch all of his seed, some of it gathering around the corner of your lips. “s-swallow,” he demands when he pulls his cock away from your mouth.

you obediently swallow, and he whines in the back of his throat. “goddamn, i love you,” he holds his hands out to you and helps you up onto his feet. he wipes the corners of you lips with his thumb and shoves it into your mouth, lips parting when you suck on his thumb like you just did his cock. “youre such a slut.” he murmurs, a loving gaze in his eyes.

a trail of saliva connects your lips to his thumb when you pull it out of your mouth. “promise?” you ask.

joshua smiles and pulls you into a kiss, his tongue slipping into your mouth. his hands make use of unbuttoning your jeans and shoving his hands down your pants. your panties are damp, and he’s a bit shocked and honored that you’re this wet for him. “i need you,” you whine, peppering kisses down his neck. you don’t even want his fingers, just want him inside of you.

“i know,” he rasps, slipping a finger between your folds. you shudder when he touches you, his finger playing with your arousal and brushing over your clit, just to make you jump. you clench around nothing, and it’s nearly painful how turned on you are.

“joshua!” you whine, nipping at his neck. his hand immediately grabs onto your hair and yanks, a hiss emitting from your lips followed by a smirk.

“needy brat,” he grumbles, walking the two of you over to the work bench in the room. he drops onto it and spreads his legs invitingly. you quickly step out of your jeans and underwear, his eyes roaming over your body. “you’re a beautiful, y/n.”joshua says sincerely; at the end of the day, he is simply a lover boy.

you smile at him and quickly drop yourself onto his lap, straddling him and wrapping your arms around his neck. you reach between the two of you and position yourself over his cock. his hands grip onto your hips tightly and guide you down onto him, bottom lip drawing in between his teeth.

“ah-fuck!” you cry when you sink onto the tip, the initial stretch rippling through you.

“you’ve got it, baby,” he encourages, thumbs rubbing sift circles into your hips. you bite down on your bottom lip, hands gripping tightly onto his shoulders as you sink lower and lower onto him. “goddamn, girl.” he grunts, hips bucking when you clench around him.

when you manage to take all of him, you sit still and catch your breath, head resting on his shoulder. joshua unhooks your bra and you lean back to slide it off your arms. “you okay?” he asks, hands groping your chest.

“uh huh,” you rasp, taking it as a sign to start fuckign him, licking your lips and raising your hips before dropping onto his lap. “fuck, shua.” whimpers leave you lips as you fuck yourself onto him, using his shoulders as leverage to move yourself up and down. joshua relaxes into the wall, his grip on your hips loosening as you gain momentum and find a rhythm.

“you’re so tight,” he groans, one of his thumbs finding your clit and rubbing slow circles around the sensitive nub. “been thinking about fucking you all day.” joshua sighs and rubs your clit quicker, eyes peering up to watch your facial expressions. “you need me as bad as i needed you?” he mumbles, voice low and husky.

“more,” you pant, still bouncing up and down on him. your cunt clamps around him like it’s trying to keep him there. “shuaaa!” you whine, thighs burning. you sit on his lap, rolling your hips into his.

he chuckles breathlessly, rolling his other thumb over one of your nipples. “yeah? tell me,” he grins at you devilishly, this side of him only coming out in your intimate moments.

“so bad,” you cry, grinding down onto his lap. “w-wanna give you a-another baby.” you squeeze around him involuntarily, a knot forming in your stomach. joshua twitches inside of you at the mention of having another child.

“yeah? want me to fill you up?” you whimper and nod, legs starting to shake. “want me to fuck you full of my cum until you’re pregnant again?” he lets go of you breast to place both hands underneath your ass. he lifts you up and drops you down, a show of his strength as he fucks you up an down onto him.

joshua grumbles filthy things into your ear; tells you that he’s gonna fuck you until you can’t walk, that he’s gonna stuff you full, that’s he’s going to give you another baby tonight. “f-fuck! i-im gonna cum,” you cry, throwing your head back in pleasure. he bucks his hips up into you, hitting that spongy spot inside of you repeatedly.

spots blur your vision and your cunt spasms around him as you reach your climax. it hits you like a thousand bricks, and you’re shaking in his arm and crying out his name. you expect him to stop, but he keeps thrusting up into you, drawing out your orgasm further. you can hardly think through the waves of pleasure, which is why you hardly register that he’s lifted you up until you’re placed on a cold surface.

joshua drags you to the edge of the washing machine and slams his cock into you, nearly knocking the wind out of you. “o-oh my god,” you gasp, tears brimming in your eyes for the second time tonight. “you feel so good!”

he drives his hips into you brutally, his fingers digging into the fat of your thighs. “f-fuck, i’m not gonna last,” he groans, dropping his head into your neck. he kisses your skin and lightly bites, though not hard enough to leave marks. you cling to him, arms secured around his shoulders like you may fall if you dont hold on.

his thrusts get sloppier by the second, indicative of his nearing climax. “i love you,” you breathe, nails clawing at his back. he grunts, whining out curses as he cums inside of you, his dick twitching between your walls. he stills, fingers applying bruising pressure to your hips.

after a few moments, he lifts his head from your shoulder and looks at you, a tender smile on his face. he presses his lips to your gently, sighing against you as he goes soft. “shit,” he pants, followed by a light chuckle.

you can’t help but giggle back, running a hand through his hair. he doesn’t want to pull out, not yet at least, wanting to make sure his cum stays inside of you as long as possible. he lets go of your thighs and wraps his arms around you, squeezing you into his chest. you kiss the column of his throat, right on his adam’s apple and rubs soft circles into your back.

“we should clean up,” he murmurs, starting to draw back from you. you make a sound of disagreement and squeeze around him on purpose. “b-brat.” he stammers, curling away from you.

he pulls out of you with a lewd squelch, both of you turning light shades of pink at the noise. he helps you off of the washer and you lean against it. he finds a random towel and comes back to wipe between your legs before cleaning himself off and tossing it in the same basket he threw his shirt in. “i guess i could start a load,” you say, looking at all of the discarded clothes, making joshua laugh.

You assumed that when you moved to the city, that notion would be like finding a needle in a haystack. New York City was bustling with life. Everyone moved here from all walks of life, looking to find another purpose, a deeper meaning. That’s how everyone became a New Yorker, one way or another. But live music existed in this city around every corner. You couldn’t go into a bar nowadays without seeing some new-age indie singer who looked like he hadn’t trimmed his beard in years and probably wasn’t wearing deodorant at the mic stand. Even on campus, where you were attending you final year of grad school, there was someone practicing their guitar in a dining hall.

Perhaps it was a cruel twist of fate that the only place that would hire you part-time was a record store. But you needed the cash and a job was a job. You were utterly unhelpful to customers who were looking for a certain artist or genre, but you were organized and did what you were told. No one kept the store as spotless as you did. Your boss, Aileen, might’ve even considered bumping you to manager status if you at least tried to learn a thing about the records you were selling. There wasn’t enough time in the day though. Your mind was almost entirely booked up by school work that you couldn’t even begin to think about learning the cultural significance of the Velvet Underground & Nico.

As the saying goes though: if you won’t do it, someone else will.

After a long day of classes, you ran from campus to the record store. It was only about a mile, but the autumn chill was coming fast and of course, the bus wasn’t working today. Which meant you had to sprint just to make your 4 PM to close shift. You busted through the doors, hair disheveled and your face halfway buried in a faux fur coat, only to see your boss handing over a key to some man by the cash register. Actually, not just a key. The key. To a man you didn’t know.

Was Aileen on some kind of new drug she didn’t tell you or the other employees about?

Your cheeks were red from running as you approached the counter, one eyebrow already cocked in confusion. Stuffing your hands inside your pockets to warm them up, you asked, “Um … what’s going on here?”

The man with Aileen turned around and you almost buckled. Almost. There wasn’t anything all that special about him. He was just … handsome. And truthfully, not many handsome people came into this record store, so it threw you off just a little. He didn’t notice though. You had learned to school your expression since undergrad, warding off any frat guy that tried to step within two feet of you.

“Oh, right on time,” Aileen said, gesturing between you two. “Meet Hansol, your new manager.”

You looked to where your coworker, Mingyu, was putting up new posters in the back of the store. He shrugged before going back to work, almost shoving a pin through the corner of his thumb by accident.

When you turned back to your new manager – apparently – his hand was out for you to shake. “You can just call me Vernon,” he said in a voice much deeper than you assumed.

You only had to take one look at him to know everything about him. Vernon thought he was special. Vernon wanted to be interesting. Vernon probably listened to artists that only had less than one thousand monthly listeners. The kind of person that made your teeth grind.

His brown hair was cropped and gelled into a few spikes, mimicking a look one of your ex-boyfriends had in high school. Probably. One hoop earring dangled from his ear and he smiled at you almost cat-like, both sides of his lips curling and looking like an upside down three. A small scar was near his mouth, right where a previous lip ring would be. He was wearing an oversized black tee with a washed-out picture of Green Day and baggy cargo pants.

Not management material. Incredibly pretentious. Even for a record store.

Eventually, you slipped your palm from your jacket pockets and shook his hand, telling him your name. He nodded and turned back to Aileen, who continued to give him the lowdown on everything in the store. You took that moment as your reprieve and hurried to the backroom, throwing your jacket and backpack in a locker. Pinning your name badge to your chest, you walked out and approached Mingyu, still pinning posters to the wall. He swore under his breath when he thought he got a paper cut.

“Hey,” you whispered up at him on the small step ladder. Your eyes never left where Vernon stood with Aileen, until he looked over at you and you felt your stomach curdle. “Mingyu,” you called, tugging on the bottom of his ripped jeans.

“I don’t have time to gossip with you about your Art History professor,” he whispered back, rather loudly. “My shift ends in 20 and I have to finish decorating or Aileen is gonna kill me.”

You ignored him and yanked on his jeans again. “Since when was she hiring a new manager?”

“Oh, him?” Mingyu looked back to the register before shrugging. “Beats me.”

You crossed your arms over your chest. “He looks pretentious.”

“I don’t know. He’s kinda hot though.”

Your brow furrowed as you looked up at him. “You think with your dick.”

“Most men do.” He jutted his chin towards the counter again. “I’d head over there before our new manager yells at you.”

Rolling your eyes, you headed to the register where Vernon was bringing a crate of vintage records behind the checkout. A lot of these were purchased for display purposes only, but you guessed that anyone could be bought, given the right price. His arms were kind of skinny, but he was able to lift up the crate without protest. Mingyu was built like a god and he didn’t go a second without complaining.

“Aileen told me you were really good with organizing. It’s half the reason why the store looks as put together as it does,” he said, hands on his hips as he surveyed the area. Turning back to you, he referred to the crate with one hand. “I was asked to go over inventory in the back. So as you man the register, I need you to display these records on the wall here in release date order.”

You glanced from the stack of records, and then back to him. You did this about three times until he realized he lost you somewhere. There would a few covers you recognized, a few you didn’t – you had never seen Surrealistic Pillow before – but this couldn’t be that hard.

“Of course,” you replied, surprising him. “I just need to use my phone to Google the release dates.”

“You don’t know them from the top of your head?”

“Do you?”

“Yeah, a good handful of them.” He picked up one from the crate. “Bleed American from Jimmy Eat World was released in … 2001, I think.”

You took your phone out, searched the release date, and … holy shit, he was right.

Meeting his eyes again, you replied, “How the hell do you know that? I can’t remember stuff like that.”

“I just like music a lot,” he shrugged, placing the record back in the stack. “You can’t even remember when Dookie was released?”

You narrowed your eyes. Was he trying to make you look stupid? Of course, you didn’t know this off the top of your head. You had a life. This was part-time.

He blinked, not waiting for you to answer. “You work at a record store.”

“I’m in a grad program,” you clarified, crossing your arms again. “I needed a job, and Aileen needed an employee that was type A. It was a match made in heaven.”

“I just don’t understand why you would wanna work somewhere when you’re not passionate about it –”

Your hands clenched. “Not everyone is passionate about their job, Vernon –”

“No one is really passionate about records anymore though,” he added, brushing past you, and your arms lowered to your sides. “I mean, look at this store. Reverb Records was one of a kind in the 70s, a staple in the New York music scene. To work here is like walking through history. And now it’s been reduced to … a fraction of the store dedicated to vintage comics and POP figures.”

“We needed to venture outside of music to stay in business,” you defended, remembering the day Aileen broke the news that they almost lost the property. “If we didn’t, none of us would even be working here.”

Vernon nodded, but you could tell he was struggling to not roll his eyes. “Whatever. I’ll be in the back if you need me. Feel free to use your phone for those dates.” 

You watched him as he headed to the backroom, walking past Mingyu, who was finally getting down from the step ladder. He put out his fist, which your coworker gladly bumped his own against. When Vernon disappeared into the backroom, Mingyu turned to you with a thumbs up.

You frowned. He never learned.

It was a particularly dead night at the record store, especially for a Friday. Reverb was located on a pretty popular shopping area in the city, surrounded by thrift stores and a chic coffee shop that a niche Fashion Week model went to once so now it was filled everyday with students. You had your notebook out for Medieval Art History next to the register, your eyes skimming over the barely legible writing. You supposed you could simply print out the slides Professor Lee made, which were far easier to read than your own handwriting, but copying down his notes helped you study better. 

Mingyu’s hand smacked down on the counter, startling you. Your head snapped up and you placed a hand on your chest. He giggled at your expense. “Not funny,” you chastised, looking back down at the page.

“It’s a Friday,” he whined. “Why are you concerning yourself with homework?”

“Maybe because I have a test Monday morning and I’m working every day this weekend.”

He tapped a finger against the counter, but you were steadfast, continuing to ignore him. Did that actually say Lindisfarne Gospels or was your handwriting really that bad?

Suddenly, Mingyu whipped the notebook closed and you viewed up at him with an aggravated expression. “What could you possibly want from me?”

“I have a free ticket to the DJ set at the Blitz Club tonight,” he said, picking up his backpack that you didn’t notice had been at his feet. “I’m heading out now, but I could meet you at the club tonight. You know you want to.”

Your nose scrunched up. “Too loud.”

“You had a blast the last time though.”

“I was drunk out of mind,” you recalled, “and I made out with said DJ.”

Mingyu shrugged. “Sounds like a normal Friday to me.”

You shook your head and opened your notebook back up. “I can’t. My shift doesn’t end until 10 PM anyway. The line for the Blitz Club is so long if you don’t get there right at 9:50.”

“Your loss,” he scoffed before heading for the door.

Your head tilted up again, and with a grin plastered on your face, you called out, “Try not to almost kiss your roommate like last time.”

Mingyu’s hand partially pushed open the entrance, making the bell chime as he sneered at you. “You’re hilarious. He’s hanging out with that girl he met at the office anyway.” He lifted his hand in a mock wave. “I’ll find someone to lock lips with. Trust me. See you!”

A sigh escaped your lips as your favorite coworker left. You busied yourself for a moment, finding Chan’s name badge that he’d been looking for near the cup of pens. You put in your reminders app to give it back when you shared a shift with him next week. Picking up your notebook, you said out loud to yourself, “Okay, Insular Art. The Book of Kells. Allegedly created in 800 AD. 340 folios –”

The store’s music volume immediately went up.

Your head shot up, jaw shifting, and you smacked the notebook back down on the counter. The store was deserted and you couldn’t even be left alone to study for a test that you were so terrified of failing. You turned on your heel, striding to the backroom as you wondered why you decided to go to grad school in the first place.

Vernon was sitting in the small office he shared with Aileen when she wasn’t working. The desk was made of metal and was probably as old as the store, with cabinets that creaked when opened. The computer, thankfully, was updated, but their internet went in and out sometimes when Aileen forgot to pay the bill. Currently, Vernon was leaning back in the chair, feet up on the desk, going through their long inventory list and checking off what needed to be restocked. (A project Aileen constantly abandoned.) He drummed his fingers on the tabletop while chewing on the end of a pen.

You leaned against the doorframe, crossing you arms over your chest. “You know, if you keep chewing on those, you’ll get ink in your mouth.”

His gaze lifted, a smirk playing at his lips. “Not the first time I’ve ingested it.”

Your nose wrinkled. “Anyway,” your arms released to your sides, “did you turn up the music? I can’t focus.”

“I figured our customers would enjoy a little bit of Blink this evening.”

You leaned forward to where the monitor with the security camera footage was displayed, showing no one inside the store. Your eyes flickered back to his. “We haven’t had a single customer since 5,” you informed him. “And I’m trying to study.”

“I think you’re just trying to kill my vibe.”

“I think you’re trying to kill my vibe.”

You were both competing in a staring contest that you were desperate to win, until you realized that it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered, especially this argument. Shoulders sinking, you sulked. “Can you please just turn down the volume a little?”

“Sure,” he replied in a tone much more friendly than anticipated. He sat up straight, leaning towards the computer, and adjusted the store volume. You tried to ignore the way his Adam’s Apple bobbed when he smiled, how his earring glinted in the shitty lights of the office. Turning around, he gestured to you with the pen. “Please is such a pretty word. You should use it more often.”

Your eyes narrowed. It was your turn to drum your fingers on the doorframe, afraid they would form into fists. “What is your problem? You’ve had a vendetta against me ever since your first day.”

He raised a single brow. “Name three things I’ve done.”

“One,” you lifted a finger, “you chastised me on that first day for not knowing the release dates of vintage LPs. Two …” Another finger. “You’re constantly turning the music up and down. Pretty sure just to annoy me or it’s when you really like a song because I can see you playing air guitar on the security cameras.” Your third finger went up. “And three, you practically pop quizzed me on our new release stock as soon as you entered the store last week.”

He exhaled heavily, finally standing from the chair and at his full height. “Honestly,” he shrugged, “I just think you’re pretentious.”

Your jaw nearly dropped. This man … this Vernon … was seriously calling you pretentious just because you didn’t know release dates off the top of your head. He was insane. Where did he get off?

“Well, I think you’re pretentious,” you snapped back.

“Shocker.”

After a long moment of silence, he let his head fall back and groaned with frustration. For a second, your mind wandered. Just for a second. But you didn’t even let yourself entertain that thought because this was your manager and he just insulted you.

“Listen,” he continued, rounding the desk and holding a hand out. “Let’s call it a truce. Working together is going to be hell if we don’t.”

You bit the inside of your cheek and studied him. “I’m not agreeing to anything until you admit that you were being a dick to me –”

“I was being a dick.”

Your lips pursed, not expecting that. He looked down at you, almost leaning into your space, and you felt your cheeks warm. Shaking your head, you clicked your tongue before letting your hand meet his. “Fine,” you said evenly, “truce.”

You felt your hands start to get clammy already, so you pulled it away. He tried to wipe his palm on the back of his pants, but you noticed. You always noticed. Bowing your head slightly, you muttered, “I’ll get back to it. Thanks for turning the volume down.” You spun around and walked towards the exit, hoping you didn’t find a teenager behind the register with a wad of cash in their hands. (Happened on a Chan-only shift, which meant he definitely nodded off in the backroom for an hour.)

Vernon called your name as you had one foot out of the backroom, and you turned your head. He was now leaning against the door frame, a smile tugging at his lips, and he stuck a hand in his front pocket. Your breath stilled for a moment. Only a moment. 

Maybe you should’ve agreed to go with Mingyu tonight. Obviously, you needed another drunk make out if you were starting to fawn over your shitbag manager.

“Who’s your favorite artist?” He asked.

You didn’t expect that question. “I … I don’t know,” you shrugged. “I’m almost always listening to the same couple of albums for the nostalgia. Maybe Avril Lavigne?”

“Interesting.” He nodded, amused. Why was he smiling at you? “You should let me show you some music sometime.”

You snorted. “What? So you can chastise me again?”

“Nooo,” he quipped, dragging out the word as he stepped closer to you. “We made a truce, remember?”

“R–Right …” Your voice got smaller the closer he was. Even just a foot away from you felt a little suffocating, but maybe that was because he was wearing a heavy cologne.

“I’m not going to chastise you. I promise.” He put his hands up in surrender. “I just want us to chill out, listen to music, and maybe you’ll be able to see why I appreciate working here so much. Why I’m so pretentious in your eyes. And I’m not saying that’s not a fair assessment, but I just want to show you some music and you can decide for yourself. Simple as that.”

You hummed then, almost wanting to laugh that he wanted to prove himself to you. It was … sweet. Somehow. Something about his voice here made you forget why you didn’t like him in the first place. “Sounds like something friends would do,” you muttered.

He smacked a hand on his head, feigning surprise. “I totally didn’t tell you,” he exclaimed before grinning down at you. “In the fine print of our truce, it said we had to become friends.”

In a shocking turn of events, you gave Vernon your number, but maybe that should’ve been a given since he was your manager. Even worse, you were currently spending your single day off this week by taking the subway to his apartment in Bushwick. You buried your face in the collar of your jacket, trying not to inhale the stench of cigarettes from the person next to you. This was an exquisite form of torture. You were being set up. Why else would you be doing this in the first place?

Maybe because your conversation over text went a little like this –

Vernon (Manager): you’re off today, right? want to spend it on your first music lesson, or is your brain too fried from school? You: he has jokes. hilarious. You: I can come over a little after 3.  Vernon (Manager): see you then!

You shook your head when your voice of reason fought against you. This was so dumb. Why were you doing this? So he could prove a point? You might’ve called a truce, but this was stepping out of bounds for work ethics. And he was still pretentious. So were you. Kind of.

Despite your reservations, you still got off at the right stop, walking up the stairs and into the cold autumn air. You pulled out your phone, struggling to bring up walking instructions, even with your screen-friendly gloves on. In the time span it took you to walk to his apartment and wait for him to let you in, you could’ve turned around and immediately took the subway back home, simply see him at work later that week. But you didn’t. And that was something for you to dwell on another day.

“You’re a fast walker.”

You turned, seeing him hold open the door to his building. Your cheeks were red from the chill – not for any other reason – and you squeezed past him just to feel the warmth of the old, rickety brownstone. “Yeah, well,” you said, already beginning to climb the stairs because you assumed he lived on the second floor. “I’m all legs anyway.”

He didn’t agree, just chuckled at your reply and followed behind you. Once you were both on the second story, he took the lead, gesturing for you to come inside apartment 202. Unwrapping the scarf from your neck, you let your gaze flit around the room. His studio looked the same as every other one in Bushwick, right down the peeling white wallpaper in the tiny kitchen. Where he differed, though, was the large record player in front of the couch, in lieu of a flatscreen TV. You walked over to it immediately, pulling at the sleeves of your sweater, and investigated the soft hum of whatever was playing. Oasis. Time Flies… Your dad liked to listen to Oasis when you were a kid.

“You ever heard that one before?” Vernon asked from behind you, crinkling some kind of paper.

“I’m … not sure. But my dad really liked this band,” you explained, not bothering to look back as you studied the large bookcase next to the player. Instead of novels, he filled these shelves to the brim with records. They weren’t organized, and some had more wear than others, but the collection was impressive.

Vernon noticed you admiring the shelves. “I’m not made of money. I get a lot of these as gifts or from yard sales.”

“Oh, I wasn’t assuming –”

You whirled, noticing the silver tray and ground weed on the coffee table before your eyes fixed on the joint he was rolling in his hands. Blinking slow, your gaze flicked up to his as he sealed the end of the joint with his tongue, wrapping his lips around it slightly. You swallowed, and he smiled. 

“Have you not smoked a joint before?” He lifted a brow. “I just thought – I can put it away –”

You tsked. “Oh, my god. Yes, I’ve smoked a joint before. I’m not a prude, Vernon.” You walked forward and opened the window slightly, allowing fresh air when he finally lit the end. “Truthfully, I was just surprised that you could roll one yourself. Bet you used to smoke cigarettes and hand-roll those too, right?”

“Now, that I take offense to. You really think I’m that pretentious?” He shook his head as you took a seat on the carpet beside him. After a moment, he smirked at you. “Yeah, I hand-rolled them in high school. You got me.”

You chuckled, hand over your mouth to hide your snort. When he smiled – really smiled – it was so wide that you could see his gums. His eyes even crinkled at the corners. For a moment, you wondered why you two ever disliked each other in the first place. It felt unfair to hate someone who beamed like that, who laughed with you as if you didn’t just tease him like a child.

He set down the joint to get to his feet, fingers brushing over the spines of his vinyls on the shelf. “I looked through some of the top sellers on Record Store Day this year. Figured that would be a cool place to start because you might recognize some of the album names,” he said, finally pulling out one in particular. “I really liked this one by the Cure. The Head On the Door.”

Your eyes squinted as he showed you the cover. “Oh, yeah, I recognize that one. I thought you might play something by – um … oh, Charli xcx. We sold out of that album of hers with the red cover in less than a few hours this year.”

He lifted the tonearm and looked back at you with a grin. “We can listen to that one next. I managed to snag that record a few years back on eBay.”

After lowering the stylus onto the spinning vinyl, the apartment was suddenly filled with the upbeat sounds of the first songs, slowly introducing a hyper-strummed acoustic guitar. Vernon lowered the volume slightly, and you weren’t sure if it was to cultivate a vibe or he was still cognizant of that time you stormed into the backroom to complain about the music inside the store. Sitting back down beside you on floor, he placed the joint in his mouth and lit the end with a lighter that had seen better days. Smoke wafted into the air before being pulled out the open window with the help of his overhead fan.

He held the joint out to you and you took it instantly. “What kind of strain is this?”

His shoulders sagged as he coughed softly. “Does it matter?”

“I guess not.” With the joint resting between two fingers, you brought it to your lips and inhaled. It was a little harsh, but not bad. You couldn’t remember the last time you smoked weed; it had to be a while though. Maybe you actually needed this just to chill the fuck out finally. If you kept worrying so much about your thesis, your head would surely explode.

He propped one elbow on the edge of the couch, facing you, as you handed the joint back to him. “Is this what you do when you’re not at the store?” You asked in a slightly hoarse voice.

His eyes narrowed. “I don’t just work at a record store and smoke weed all day. Do you really think I’m a walking stereotype?”

“None of those words just came out of my mouth.”

“Well, you sound a little judgey.”

“I’m not being judgey.”

“You sure?”

“Just answer the question.”

He laughed after taking a drag, and then another. You focused on the way smoked billowed from his nostrils, until he started speaking again. “I also do photography on the side. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to afford to live in this city.”

“I get it,” you nodded, playing with the joint between your fingers when he passed it over. “Reverb is for extra cash. Student services for my grad program pays half of my living expenses. Thank god.”

He adjusted his stance, his chin resting on his fist as he studied you. The record transitioned into the third song, but he barely noticed in that moment. He let you smoke the joint for as long as your heart desired. Something told him that you needed it. With one finger tracing his lips, he said, “You never told me what you study.”

He was smiling at you. Again. All cat-like.

“I didn’t think you’d be interested.”

“You gotta stop assuming things about me.” He tapped your arm jokingly. “Tell me. I’m interested.”

When you felt your insides start to turn to mush, you couldn’t help but mimic his posture: one elbow propped on the couch, the side of your head pressing into the heel of your palm. Your eyes were hazy now, a dull pink entering the whites. His words were swirling around in your head, haunting you like a ghost.

Tell me.

You breathed in another drag.

I’m interested.

You exhaled.

“I’m studying European History,” you finally replied, handing the joint back to him. Your fingers brushed, but only for a moment. “I want to become a professor.”

“A professor,” he nodded, his brow shooting up as he inhaled. Coughing away from her direction, he added, “That’s … oddly fitting. Are you almost done with the program?”

You nodded, unable stop looking at him as he flicked the end of the joint against an ash tray. “I’m working on my thesis while taking a few concurrent classes in my fall semester only. It makes things a little harder, but the courses are relevant and do help with research. I could do without having to take tests, though.” You shrugged. “I’m managing.”

“That’s a lot on your plate, on top of work,” he mused. One knee curled up to his chest and he rested his arm on top, the joint in his fingers halfway gone already. “You’re kind of a superhero.”

Your gaze flickered up to his again, breath stilling for a moment. The air was so warm, despite the open window, and your body was starting to feel fuzzy. He turned his head to yours, that grin on his lips so dangerous that it sent a shiver through you. Maybe it was the weed, but he looked like he was moving closer to you, invading your space. 

Not that you wanted that. No, you couldn’t want that. Because if you wanted that, it would ruin everything in the carefully crafted plan you made in your head long ago. 

Vernon’s eyes squinted then, and he finally replayed his words over. “Well,” he paused, “a superhero in the sense that you’re taking on a lot with probably no ‘thank you.’”

Blinking, you realized he was making a joke. You snorted and hit his arm, but he captured your hand before it could fall on your lap. For a moment, you wondered if time had stopped – it was the weed; it had to be the weed – because he was slipping the joint back into your palm so smoothly while saying the dorkiest line possible: “For you, my lady.”

He stood, walking over to the record player, leaving you with a half-lit joint in your open palm while your head was far too in the clouds to comprehend anything. You were so high that you didn’t even realize the album ended, and he was now switching it over to something different – Charli xcx, the red album. A melodic symphony hummed through the speakers, followed by a woman’s voice harmonizing, “I’m a dreamer … Step, step out the Beemer …”

When he came back to sit next to you, he noticed you still staring at the joint in your hand. His gaze flickered from your face, to the joint, before he started laughing. “You’re probably done, right?” He tried not to snicker, but it was hard not to when you were giving him this far-off look in your eyes. Plucking the joint from your hand, he put it between his lips and relit it.

It took you a whole minute to realize it wasn’t in your hand anymore, and you viewed up at him sheepishly. “I’m so sorry,” you whined. “I got … I think I got too high.”

He couldn’t hold back his laughter anymore. “It’s okay. Think you needed this more than I did.”

“My brain feels like slop. But in a good way.” Gravity got the upper hand as you let your whole head fall onto the cushion now. “How are you comprehending anything right now?”

Vernon smiled, all cocky. “My tolerance is infinitely better than yours.”

“Whatever. Dick.”

You flipped forward, letting your spine press into the edge of the couch as the back of your head rested on the cushion, which was just hard enough to ground you in this state of mind.  Neither of you said a word. The record played another song, and another, as Vernon finally ashed what was left of the joint. He let his head fall too, your gazes pinned to the ceiling. The overhead fan started to swirl in his vision, and he grinned to himself.

“Vernon?”

“Yeah?”

“You know a lot about music.”

He turned his head and dramatically held a hand to his chest. “That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said. I’m touched.”

You chuckled under your breath, hitting his forearm again. “No, I’m serious. I … This is nice.” You paused, listening to the song playing. All over … Deep under my skin … You got me so emotional … Your lips pursed. “I really like this album.”

He raised a brow. “Not just the weed talking?”

“No. Surprisingly,” you added. “We should keep doing this. Until you tire of me.”

“It’s a plan.”

You were beginning to realize that Vernon was true to his word. Almost every day – even after work, closing shifts and all – the two of you got together to listen to a few of his favorite records while he rambled on about the artist. Sometimes you got high, sometimes you didn’t. You simply liked being there besides a calming presence, listening to another person talk about their favorite subjects. A complete contrast to the hustle of grad school work, but you liked it.

There was a certain comfort that came to being around him, one you hadn’t experienced before. His voice was deep, yet soft, and he spoke about music with confidence. Like it was his favorite thing in the world. He could go on tangents without taking a breath, and you’d notice the way he’d sometimes pause when he talked for far too long. You didn’t stop him though. You only  smiled, let your head fall back against the couch, and listened.

What had you let yourself become?

Perhaps, it all started on the day you both met up in Central Park. Neither of you had a shift that day and you had managed to get done a good chunk of thesis research in the morning. Around 2 PM, you found him lying on a flannel blanket near the edge of Central Park, carrying two Italian subs from the pizza joint near your apartment that you swore had the best in the city. Vernon didn’t hear you approach; his eyes were closed as he listened to the music blasting through his headphones with one arm behind his head. A sliver of his stomach peeked out from underneath his grey hoodie, making you stumble – for what reason, you weren’t sure – and almost drop the tightly-wrapped sandwiches.

Vernon sat up then, finally hearing the rustle of your sneakers on the fallen leaves, and chuckled. “Woah, no need to rush.” He stood and grabbed the subs from your grasp. “You’re holding precious cargo.”

Your laughter was awkward, tense. You were simply not understanding why the mere sight of  his exposed skin had your stomach in knots, even though you knew the truth. Of course, you did. But you were going to sit there and pretend you didn’t because that was easier than confronting what was real. 

After demolishing both your sandwiches – “These actually might be the best in the city,” Vernon had agreed – you sat back on the blanket as he handed you one of his headphones. He hadn’t upgraded to Bluetooth ones yet, said he was going to use these until they died, but you did notice that the sound on right bud he gave you might be softer than the left. He asked if you wanted an edible and after all the schoolwork you did this morning, you took it before even answering him. 

“I’ve always thought that music sounds better on a record,” he said, scrolling through his library to find one artist in particular. “Besides this album. Maybe it’s because this is the first album I ever listened to and it was through headphones. Something about the nostalgia factor of it all.” He turned his head to yours and smiled. “But I want you to hear it this way.”

Intimacy, closeness, was always laced in his tone. Little statements like, “This is for you,” or “I’m interested,” or “I want you to hear it this way,” meant so much more when they came from his lips. Words lost meaning. Just a simple “hello” as he passed you at the register blurred into, “Do you want to hang out later?”

You managed to see the album cover before he turned off his phone. That blue album by the Smiths. You’d seen it before. Every douchebag with a mullet that came into Reverb bought it. But as you laid back and let the edible take over, you began to appreciate the music in a whole new way. Maybe you were becoming one of those douchebags with a mullet, but there was something about the melody of these songs, how some were recorded acoustic while others were with a full band. Everything blended into a kaleidoscope of powerful vocals and lyrics that made your brain melt.

Vernon would cut in at some parts to tell you fun facts about the song, and other times he would just stay quiet. Neither of you were comprehending much anyway, focused solely on the pretty words pouring into your ears. As the album finally hit the last song, you realized Vernon was singing under his breath. Your head slowly turned, watching the way his lips moved to form the words, “So please, please, please … Let me, let me, let me … Let me get what I want …” It helped that your earbud wasn’t as loud, letting you tune into more of his voice.

You were staring at him now. Nothing could tear your eyes away. He was drumming his fingers on his stomach, that small sliver of skin poking out yet again as he bent his arm behind his head. He was in his own world, singing softly, while the autumn leaves started to fall around his head. It was the last week of November. Leaves shouldn’t be falling, especially when it was forecasted to snow next week. But fate had a funny way of doing things, and the red and yellow cascading around his spiked hair looked like a painting. 

Maybe it was the edible hitting the home stretch, but you were noticing things about him that you didn’t before. His nose scrunched when he sang. His fingers tapped to the beat of the drum, the pads calloused and cold. His other ear was pierced once, but he only wore an earring on his right one. His skin was pretty, and yet, you liked that he still had some acne scars littered around his cheekbones. He needed chapstick – bad – but his lips were still pink and nice and –

What if you kissed him?

Jesus. That had to be the edible. Because no way in your right mind would you ever consider kissing Vernon. Just a couple months ago you were fighting the urge to wring his neck. But now you were … staring at his lips again, learning the way he mouthed, Please, remembering when he told you that itwas such a pretty word. It was even prettier when he sang it. 

Kissing him would be so easy. You could kiss him, and then get it all out of your system.  You could lick the smile off his lips, taste whatever made him secretly ache. Every lingering thought that you had about him would vanish. You didn’t have to worry about accidentally holding his hand when he passed you a joint, or hope that you wouldn’t moan his name the next time you touched yourself. You could kiss him right now and everything could go back to normal –

His eyes opened as soon as the song finished and he looked over at you. For a moment, you assumed he was going to ask why you were staring at him. Instead, he moved to his side and propped himself up on one elbow. “Do you even know who the Smiths are?”

Moment ruined. His inner douchebag with a mullet made a triumphant return. Thank god, you didn’t kiss him.

You frowned. “I might not know as much as you do about music, but I know who the fucking Smiths are, Vernon.”

His grin widened. “Just making sure you’ve been paying attention.”

Time seemed to blur. Autumn faded into the first frost, and snow started to gather on the streets of New York City. The air got even colder, making you revisit memories of stubbed-out joints and sharing headphones in nicer weather. If you tried hard enough, you didn’t think about kissing Vernon ever again, but most days, you found it too difficult to put in the effort. It was wrong, icky, harboring feelings for your friend and manager. But you told yourself that they weren’t deep; they were just a product of your yearning for intimacy, for the quick press of another’s lips against yours.

That’s all that it was. That’s all that it would be. It might take a few months, maybe a year, but feelings falter and you had more important things to worry about.

Was this what ego death felt like?

Mingyu had called out today because of the snow, saying that his “bike was frozen solid to the ground.” Thankfully, Chan had been available for his shift, and you watched him from the register as he helped a customer look through your stock of records from the 90s. He was truly a guru for all things 90s pop. And he could sing too, a mini Timberlake in the flesh.

“I was thinking …” Vernon started.

You stood up straight, looking away from your laptop. The store wasn’t so busy today because of the snow, so your delightful manager had given you permission to work on your thesis while manning the register. He was sitting on the edge of the counter behind the checkout, dangling his feet slightly while he studied one of the new releases they got in stock a few days ago. For a moment, you let your eyes follow his two fingers that skimmed down the track listing.

Finally, you blinked, leaning against the register and crossing your arms. “That isn’t good.”

He lifted his head, glaring at you. “Funny.” Setting the record back in the box, he bent forward and gripped the edge of the table. “Are you opposed to playlists?”

“Not particularly, no.”

“Second question: are you opposed to someone making you a playlist?” He asked, and when you simply tilted your head, not understanding what he was getting at, he sighed. “I was attempting to build up suspense. I made you a playlist.”

“Oh.” You released your arms, letting them fall at your sides. “Why?”

He was looking at anything but you now. “Because I …” His back was tense as he pulled out his phone. “I don’t know. I just thought it would be a nice way to share all the music we’ve listened together so far.” He lifted his head again. “Don’t read into it.”

Before you could reply, he slipped off the counter while pulling up your texts. You looked down at your own phone, seeing a new text from him on the lock screen.

Vernon (Manager Friend): [Spotify Link: Your New Favorite Playlist]

“It seemed almost wrong to make it on Spotify.”

You lifted your head up and met his eyes, brow furrowing.

“Burning music onto CDs is a lost art,” he explained, and just that one sentence completely killed every romanticization you had about him. “I’m simply too lazy to do all of that now.”

“Well, that’s good then,” you said, turning back to your laptop when you still felt your cheeks start to heat. Why were you blushing? This was unlike you; this didn’t mean anything. You reminded yourself this as you turned your head, finding him over your shoulder. “I don’t own a CD player. Most people don’t nowadays.”

He thought for a moment, and then flicked your arm. “Right.”

Despite yourself, despite what he told you – you read into it. There was no way to not when he told you it consisted of songs that he always wanted to show someone like you. You kept the playlist on repeat, wondering if it could be burned into your brain like a CD. Most were songs you’d heard before, but there were some that stood out, some that you wanted injected into your veins to be a part of you forever. Was this how he felt? Hearing a song so beautiful that you never wanted to part from it? You listened to the playlist more times than you liked to admit, allowing the last one in particular to replay until you got tired of it: Night Drive by Jimmy Eat World.

Come alive on the driver’s side … So close I taste your breath … Your lips go dry, but there’s sweet inside … Wine must go right to your head …

The lyrics were pouring through your right AirPod when Mingyu started waving a hand in front of your face. You had begun to listen to the playlist during shifts, distracting yourself from whatever album Aileen had plugged into the speakers to repeat throughout the day. Pausing the song, you took out your AirPod and asked, “Do you need me to yell at you again for your shitty organizational skills?”

“No,” he quipped, “and I find it rude that you would assume I would change my ways. I’m leaving now anyway. My bike is still frozen outside, so Wonwoo is picking me up.” He pondered, and then added, “Well, him and his girlfriend are picking me up in her car. But at least I don’t need to take public transit.”

Your brow lifted. “Your nerdy roommate finally bagged that girl from his office?”

“He is not important.” Mingyu tapped his fingers on your screen, noticing the album cover to the song you’re listening to pop up. “What the hell? Since when do you listen to anything other than Avril Lavigne?”

“Excuse you, I listen to more than just her. I just keep my favorites in rotation.” You then shrugged. “I’ve been trying to venture outside of my bubble.”

“You? Outside of your bubble?” He almost wanted to laugh, but that would earn him the kind of look that made him feel like knives were piercing his stomach. Instead, he smirked a little. “That seems like a song Vernon would listen to.”

You didn’t look at him, knowing you’d been caught redhanded. Mingyu could be such a gossip; telling him things meant the entire city knew. Busying yourself with cleaning up around the register, you replied, “Not sure what that could mean.”

“Well, you two have been hanging out after Reverb closes.” He crossed his arms over his chest, his biceps still visible even underneath his ripped denim jacket. “Oh, come on. I see your Instagram stories. You would never willingly be in Bushwick, unless …”

You shot him that signature glare. Already, he felt a pain in his gut. “What are you trying to suggest?”

He narrowed his eyes, and then said, “You guys are hooking up.”

“Can you lower your voice?” You whispered back harshly. “We do still have those security cameras, you know.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“No!”

“I thought we were lowering our voices.” His grin widened. “Honestly, he was the last person I expected you to go after, but I am kinda into the whole manager and employee thing.”

You frowned. “I am not hooking up with Vernon.”

Mingyu realized you were serious. His expression fell. “Then, what is it?”

“We’re just friends,” you scoffed, opening up your phone to check the time. It was then, as you were staring down at your screen, reading the title of the Spotify playlist, that you realized Mingyu was probably looking at the same thing. He saw it, noticed Vernon’s name as the creator, and you felt every bone in your body freeze as if you were standing outside.

Both of your heads lifted at the same time. Mingyu was the first to say, “He made you a playlist.”

There was no way out of this one, not even as you locked your screen again. “Um –” You swallowed hard. “Yes.”

“And you’re not fucking?”

“No, Mingyu, we’re not fucking,” you grumbled. “He told me not to read into it.”

Suddenly, it dawned on him, and Mingyu damn near giggled with how innocent both of you were being. Something about this was so pure, despite the obvious tension between you and Vernon. “So he likes you,” he stated confidently, “and you like him.”

“No,” you replied so quick he almost didn’t finish speaking. “We’ve been just hanging out for a couple months. He’s been showing me music on the off days I’m not at school and after work. That’s all.”

He chuckled under his breath. “A guy would never do all that unless he liked someone.”

“We’re just friends –”

“And you would never willingly go out of your comfort zone unless …” He scrunched up his nose, trying to think. “Well, unless you had a crush. I’ve known you for over a year now. This isn’t that hard to figure out.”

You blinked at him. “I resent that statement. I don’t have a crush.”

“Maybe I’m wrong.” Mingyu put his hands up in surrender, and then immediately lowered them. “But I’m not though.”

Your mouth opened to retort, but the bell above the door was chiming as a tall, lanky man sprinted through it. Wonwoo, Mingyu’s roommate, stopped short by the entrance, his glasses fogging from the heat inside the store. His voice was slightly muffled by the scarf wrapped around his neck, “Mingyu, come on. She has the car running outside and with our luck, she could get a ticket.”

“A tragedy,” Mingyu muttered, adjusting the strap of his backpack and heading for the door. Wonwoo sighed, stepping back into the cold air, and as Mingyu reached the door frame, he looked back at you. His expression was smug, and you felt every hair on the back of your neck stand up. “See you tomorrow, lover girl.”

So maybe you did have a crush.

But that didn’t mean anything. It couldn’t mean anything, and you simply didn’t have the balls to approach the conversation otherwise.

Mingyu had to be full of it. A guy would never do all that unless he liked someone, was such bullshit. You had been friends with men before, and you were sick of the assumption that the opposite sex couldn’t be friends. Just because you were defying your own rule with your crush meant nothing. Absolutely nothing. You knew that Vernon saw you as a friend anyway.

You didn’t want to ruin this. You couldn’t remember the last time you were this relaxed in your two years of grad school. The last thing you wanted was this to slip from your fingertips.

You needed a distraction – anything to not think about the stupid feelings growing inside you, the kind that made you want to claw at your stomach to stop the butterflies. For the first time, you were working the closing shift on a Saturday with Mingyu because Vernon had taken the day off. You were trying to focus on writing your thesis behind the register, but the store had been swamped today, leaving you with your racing thoughts and the best customer service smile you could muster. Mingyu was in the backroom doing god knows what, but you did notice that the music throughout the store had changed to club songs when he was in charge.

When you finally had a moment of reprieve, you slouched against the back counter and scrolled through your phone. You stopped when you noticed an ad for a local band Vernon had recommended to you a couple weeks ago called Broken Antenna. They were playing a show in Queens tonight, conveniently right after your shift ended at Reverb. Tapping your fingers on the counter behind you, you wondered if this was crazy, impulsive even. You were never like this, making spur of the moment plans, but something was telling you to live a little.

If not for yourself, just to get these thoughts about Vernon out of your head. At least for one night.

After looking around to make sure no one was in the store, you walked to the back and found Mingyu spinning in the office chair that Aileen or Vernon typically occupied. He stopped the second you knocked a fist on the doorframe, looking up at you with wide eyes. “Having fun?” You said with a brow raise.

“We all need a break every once in a while,” he quipped, standing up and sliding his phone in his back pocket.

“Speaking of breaks,” you replied, and now he was lifting a brow, “you got any plans tonight? There’s a band playing in Queens and I don’t want to go alone.”

Mingyu grinned big.

It didn’t take much convincing. You definitely could’ve texted one of your friends from school to go, but truthfully, you knew Mingyu was dying for another night out with you. Despite how drunk you got the last time you both went to a club, you could admit that it was still fun and he was one of the few people that could get you to let loose for a few hours. 

Once your shift was over, you hid your belongings in the backroom, bringing only your jackets, before locking up the store and heading to the subway. It didn’t take long to get there, and you probably arrived at the bar-turned-venue only forty minutes after the set started. After showing the bouncer both your IDs, hands shaking from the cold, you were let inside the packed bar. Mingyu was tall, so he took the lead with pushing through the crowd. The band was loud and slightly off pitch, but the crowd was lively and made the experience all the more fun. Tugging you towards the bar, Mingyu order four tequila shots and two beers.

It was going to be one of those nights with him.

You both downed your shots immediately, and by the time Mingyu was pulling you into the crowd, you felt your vision start to blur. Maybe it was because you drank almost half of your beer now too. Or maybe you were simply a lightweight. Both could be true. As the band shouted at the crowd, Mingyu hollered back, angling his phone over the throng of people to capture someone crowd surfing on video. How someone could be crowd surfing in this packed bar, you had no idea, but you clutched Mingyu just to get out of the way. 

Looking up at your coworker, you couldn’t fathom how he wasn’t tripping over himself right now. His height allowed him to tower over everyone and his muscle mass was extensive, but it was like the two shots hadn’t effective him in the slightest. This was your sign to start going to the gym more often, build up some muscle, because you couldn’t keep getting this tipsy after just a couple shots. 

He pulled out a nip of whiskey from one of the pockets in his cargo pants, and then offered it to you. “Want some?” He asked, going up to your ear to yell over the music. Your eyes squinted, and even he looked confused why the nip was on him. Everything inside you told you to slow down, but if you didn’t, you’d have to be burdened with the aching realization that you liked fucking Vernon.

So you took the nip and drank half of it.

You were swaying now, hands in the air as the music rang through your eardrums. You couldn’t even hear your own thoughts at this point. Which, honestly, had been your goal. Lacing one of your arms with Mingyu’s, you both began bouncing up and down to the band together, screaming when the singer pointed to you two in the crowd. 

The next time you jumped up, your ankle twisted on the ground, almost making your knees buckle. You clutched onto Mingyu hard, but he didn’t really notice you fall. The alcohol was getting to you, and you had now just spilt the ounce left of your beer all over your favorite work sweater. You hissed at the soreness in your ankle, not realizing as you started to stand that another person was pushing through the crowd. There was a new pair of shoes next to you, and you tilted your head up to meet a familiar face.

“Are you okay?” Vernon asked over the guitar blaring through your ears.

He didn’t look surprised to see you, but you were blinking, trying to get your vision to cooperate. “I – yes,” you shouted back. Your eyes couldn’t focus on anything right now, especially with the alcohol coursing through your body. “What – what are you doing here? I didn’t – didn’t expect …”

You couldn’t even finish your sentence, your mouth just deciding not to move anymore. Vernon searched your eyes, pupils wide from intoxication, and he plucked the beer glass out of your hands before you could pull away. “Hey!” You snarled, but he held his arm back, even in this packed crowd.

“What do you mean, ‘what am I doing here?’ I showed you this band!” He replied, hostility laced in his tone. “I’m taking you home.”

“But I came here with –” You looked to your left, seeing Mingyu’s arm not intertwined with yours anymore. Confused, you looked over the swarm of people and saw him now bumping shoulders with the small pit that formed in the middle of the floor. Your jaw dropped – when did he leave your side? You hadn’t even felt it.

Before you could register it, Vernon tucked your fingers through his and began pulling you out of the densely packed crowd of drunk adults. Even through the fog of tequila and whiskey, a small flutter rose in your stomach when you realized your hand was locked around his. His palm was warmer than you expected, nothing like your cold skin, constantly pricked with goosebumps.

The December air was so cold that it burned your skin, making your cheeks flush even more than alcohol. Vernon’s hand was still in yours, still tugging you, the wind whipping back your hair and almost taking your feet off the ground. But he guided you, kept you upright. Only about a block later and he was ushering you towards his old Chevy parked on the street, helping you into the passenger seat. You huffed when he reached over you to grab your seatbelt, “I can just –”

“Please, shut up,” he muttered, locking the seatbelt in place.

Your lips sealed immediately.

He rounded the car quickly before jumping inside and starting the engine. He held his hands out, waiting for the heat to crank on. After a minute, he started blowing into his hands and glanced over at you, watching you shiver as you forced your head to stay up. Grabbing your freezing palms, he placed them over his mouth and blew his own hot breath into them. Your eyes were wide now, unsure of what to do. 

Something about sharing his warmth with you felt so intimate. More intimate than kissing, even sex.

Once heat began to sputter out of the vents, he let go of your hands and pulled into the deserted city street. Your looked at your palms, now face up on your lap, and wondered if this was one of those daydreams you had when you were blackout drunk. It had only happened twice, but it was enough to become a pattern. A buzzing sound emerged beside you, and it took you a long moment before you realized Vernon was talking to you.

“H-Huh?” You hiccuped, shoving your hands in the pockets of your jacket.

“I asked what your address is.”

“Oooooh,” you nodded, a line forming between your brows as you concentrated. “I … hmm, I can’t remember right now. I think it’s … jeez.”

Vernon pinched the bridge of his nose. “Where’s your wallet?”

“Uhhhhh …” Your words slurred, trailing off as you pulled your wallet from your pocket.

He grabbed it immediately, filtering through the cards with his eyes still on the road. You watched his fingers flip through your wallet, trying to ignore the warmth brewing inside you, until he located your license. Looking down for a quick moment, he found your address and nodded, throwing the wallet back to you. “Ow,” you murmured.

As you leaned your head against the seat rest, you noticed that he was rolling his eyes at you, white knuckling the steering wheel. You were so drunk that you considering prying his fingers off, holding one of his hands to release the tension inside of him. But your brain felt like goo and you couldn’t make sense of a damn thing.

“You’re … you’re b-being m … mean,” you stuttered, and then poked him in the arm. 

He made an annoyed sound under his breath. “I’m not being mean. I’m literally driving you home.”

You studied him for a moment, as much as an intoxicated person could. Your eyes narrowed. “Iffffff you’re not being m-mean, then what … what are you? Jealooooooous?”

The car halted at a stop light and he looked over at you immediately. His stare was blank, serious and critical. “Yeah,” he stated, no hesitation. 

You chuckled for a moment, your breath tainted with the stench of cheap whiskey, until you realized that he wasn’t joking. His gaze was still locked on yours, until the light turned green  and he was pressing on the gas again. Your laughter died instantly as you faced the road with him, playing with your hands on your lap.

Silence echoed throughout the car.

The fog in your head was telling you to close your eyes, but you willed yourself to keep them open. “Is t-this …” Your throat was suddenly dry. “Is this about Mingyu?”

Vernon sighed. “Fuck, it’s – it’s not about Mingyu.”

A dull pain emerged in your forehead. How could this be happening already? Rubbing at your temples, you whined, “Then whaaaaaat could it possibly be about?”

“I’m going to sound like a dick.”

You snickered, “Never stopped you before.”

He didn’t even register your words, because he was shaking his head and rubbing a finger over his top lip, frustration clawing at him. “I thought …” He paused, and somehow, having to look at the road and not into your drunken gaze made this so much harder. “I just thought you would’ve asked me. To go see the band, I mean. I didn’t even know you were interested in going. If I had known, I would’ve asked you or hoped you would ask me.”

“B-But I … I only went because I saw an ad for the c-concert. And I wanted a distraction from …” Your voice got quiet as you wrinkled your nose. “I still don’t understand  … hoooow you’re … y-you’re jealous.”

“I’m jealous that someone else got to spend this time with you when it should’ve been me.”

You were staring at him again, his words almost suffocating you, compressing into your head and matching the throb between your temples. You wanted to scream. You wanted to cry. You wanted to hurl yourself right out of this vehicle. Tonight was about freedom and not coming to terms with whatever was happening inside you. Not a confession.

Vernon licked his lips, meeting your eyes for a split second. “I thought listening to music was our thing.”

Your breathing stilled, your lips falling open in shock. Fingers digging into the seems of your pants, you felt the bile rise up in your throat, and you desperately tried to shove it down. This was sick. This was twisted. Why the fuck was he telling you this right now? Why couldn’t he just pretend that he wasn’t mad, drop you off, and be on his merry way?

“That’s it?” He added, turning down the heat slightly. “You’re gonna say nothing –”

God, you actually were going to puke.

“Can you pull over? I think I’m gonna vomit.”

His brow furrowed, startled, but he pulled onto the side of the road without saying a word. He had parked on the bridge, just as small flurries of snow started to fall. You practically punched the door open, stepping out, and not even being able to make it to the edge of the bridge. Vomiting all over the sidewalk, you were surprised when another pair of shoes materialize beside you and a hand began to rest on your back. But you supposed this was his thing: appearing when you needed him most. You coughed and looked up at Vernon, the anger vanishing from his expression. 

You hacked again, phlegm dribbling on your chin. “You’re gonna get puke on your shoes.”

“I know,” he exhaled heavily, before swiping away the drool on your lips.

He let you continue to hurl your guts out as snow gathered in your knotted hair. Vernon refused to move away, kept a firm hand on your back as you extracted all the alcohol left in your body. When you were finally done, you straightened your back and he tucked hair behind your ears. You wiped your mouth, looking up at him all doe-eyed, and his resolve almost crumbled. He ushered you back inside the warm car before you could start shivering, intent on getting you home more than ever.

You weren’t sure how long it took you to fall asleep in his passenger seat. But when you woke up the next morning with no recollection of the conversation from the night before, the single thing you did remembered was someone tucking you in.

At some point in every adult’s life, you learn that you’re just not as young as you used to be. When you went through the entire weekend and realized you had gotten blackout drunk at that concert, you came to the conclusion that you shouldn’t go that hard ever again. The body you had in undergrad could handle things that you simply couldn’t today.

Your memory of that night ended when Vernon appeared beside you in the crowd, after you almost fell on the dirty ground of that bar. Mingyu had been at your side. Or had he gone away around then? Again, you couldn’t remember. But at some point, Mingyu was with you, and then Vernon had helped you to your feet. The rest was a tequila and whiskey-induced blur. When you swallowed, you still got a tinge of it on your breath, no matter how many times you mouthwashed.

Your next shift with him was on Tuesday evening. Running from your last class of the day, you slipped and fell on a patch of ice, not taking a moment to collect yourself before you were sprinting to Reverb again. Your ass was already hurting and there would surely be a bruise, but you couldn’t worry about that right now. The wind bit at your cheeks and you stuffed your frozen hands in your pockets, until you reached the door of the store –

At the same time as Vernon.

You both stopped short, your hands reaching for the handle. His cheeks were red, and something told you it wasn’t from the winter air. Averting his gaze, he held the door open and said, “After you.”

You nodded, “Thanks.” Your tongue darted out as you passed him, licking your lips, and he noticed. (Of course, he noticed.) He entered into the store after you, brushing snowflakes from his cropped hair. You spotted Mingyu talking to Aileen at the front before you turned to Vernon beside you. 

Despite the rush you’d been in, both of you lingered by the doorway, kicking the snow off your shoes. Vernon was looking at his boots, refusing to meet your eyes, and you didn’t want to beat around the bush. Lowering your head slightly, you said, “You haven’t texted me in few days. Is something wrong?”

Finally, his eyes flicked up. Instead of answering your question, he replied, “I didn’t … I didn’t know if you’d want to hear from me.”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “Why?”

“You don’t remember anything from Saturday?”

You rubbed the back of your neck. “Not exactly,” you muttered, a red flush creeping onto your cheek. “I might’ve had a bit too much to drink. I think Mingyu drove me home. Or we took the subway back. It’s kind of a blur.”

Hurt flashed across his face for a moment, but he recovered quickly. “Oh, yeah, he did,” he nodded, scratching behind his ear. “I’m glad you got home safe.”

You felt the tension between you dissipate, the air suddenly feeling cleaner, relaxed. A smile made it’s way to your lips as you both began to walk towards the backroom. You waved to Aileen and mentioned, “I’m pretty sure I saw you there, right? Everything kind of gets hazy after you appeared next to me. But it was cool to see some of those songs live after listening to them together.”

“Yeah,” Vernon exhaled heavily, “I was thinking the same thing.”

“Aileen held you up all day,” you said while still staring at your laptop behind the counter. 

Mingyu paused by register, adjusting the strap of his backpack, and nodded. “We’re trying to figure out what shipment this week got held up at the port. I don’t know. I guess her husband is gonna help her figure it out.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Way out of my pay grade.”

You finally glanced up and shut your computer, making sure to save your thesis document first. There were lines under Mingyu’s eyes that hadn’t always been there. He was always in pristine condition, a partier that never sacrificed his beauty sleep. Rather than talking around the subject, you were blunt: “No sleep this weekend?”

He chuckled. “Yeah. Got my first proper night on Monday. On Saturday, I almost stayed up for a full 24 hours.”

“That’s not like you,” you replied, and he agreed with a chuckle under his breath. Leaning your hip against the checkout, you played with the buttons on the computer and added, “Speaking of Saturday, thanks for taking me home after the concert. I know I can be very annoying when I’m drunk. Next shift, I’ll bring you Shake Shack for lunch.”

“You really do know the key to my heart.” He placed a hand on his chest and pouted. He looked so much like a puppy sometimes. And then, his expression fell. “I didn’t take you home though.”

Your eyes darted around, confused. He was probably too tired to remember right now. “I was so sure you did. Even Vernon confirmed it.”

Mingyu’s brow knitted. He was pausing by the register, not caring that Wonwoo was most likely waiting in the freezing cold to pick him up from his shift. Tapping three fingers on the counter, Mingyu huffed out a short laugh. “Well,” he clicked his tongue, “I don’t know why he would say that. Because he drove you home.”

You blinked, making sure you were understanding him. Your arms crossed over your chest and your eyes narrowed, assessing his answer. No, he was telling the truth. Mingyu was the worst liar on the planet; you could tell by his stance. The last time he tried lying to Aileen, his back hunched so much you thought he had an underlying medical condition.

“Then why would he tell me the opposite?” You asked, agitation laced in your tone.

Mingyu shrugged. “Beats me. Do you think he said something to you while you were drunk that he’s glad you forgot? You guys are basically in love.”

“You are so fucking dramatic,” you scoffed. “He did ask me if I remembered anything from Saturday. Maybe he –”

“You know I’d love to stay and chat about your emo boy struggles,” Mingyu cut in, already walking away from the register and wrapping a scarf around his neck. “But Wonwoo definitely has the car running. Just text me. I’ll answer. Don’t give me that look. I promise.”

The bell above the door rang as it closed behind him, leaving you with the question still on the edge of your tongue. What the fuck did Vernon say to you when you were drunk?

After a long week of classes, thesis writing, and your weird manager-turned-friend kind of icing you out, you were surprised to receive a text from said friend on Sunday evening. You had spent the majority of the weekend reading through a portion of research for your thesis, the words so mind numbing that they began to blend together. You found this study interesting, honesty, but research writing had a way of making just about anything boring sometimes. There was only so many times you could read about the impact of the printing press on the Protestant Reformation. 

When you finally looked down at your phone – twenty minutes after it lit up – you saw the preview of Vernon’s text and straightened up. You had been sitting in the same position on your couch for so long that your back cracked.

Vernon (Manager Friend): are you doing anything tonight? You: thesis Vernon (Manager Friend): let me rephrase: are you doing anything important tonight? You: this is important. rude. Vernon (Manager Friend): I want to see you tonight You: that’s all you had to say, vernon. no need to beat around the bush Vernon (Manager Friend): who am I if not beating the bush? Vernon (Manager Friend): that came out weird Vernon (Manager Friend): meet me at the borough exchange in bushwick around 9. there’s a show I want you to see You: can I bring some friends? promise I hang out with not just mingyu Vernon (Manager Friend): I’ll believe it when I see it

You texted your friends, tried not to get offended when they acted surprised that you wanted to go out on a Sunday night, and then ransacked your closet for something to wear. Nothing was right. It was either too casual or too fancy. The jeans you liked didn’t hug your waist the same just out of the dryer and your favorite going-out top didn’t fit your chest like it used to. Eventually, you decided on your favorite pair of jeans – the ones that fit perfectly but were a little ratty at the bottom – and a tight, white thermal long-sleeve that was casual enough but made your boobs look good, even without an open neckline. There was no reason to overthink this. It was a Sunday, and this was just Vernon.

Just. Vernon.

After throwing on your parka, you met up with your friends, Hana and Seungkwan, at the subway. Hana had been one of your classmates since undergrad, while you met Seungkwan a few years ago at an art gallery and you both quickly bonded over medieval art and thrift shopping. The three of you saw each other when you could, during planned dinner reservations made weeks in advance or nights like these when you were going out of your small bubble and needed some company. 

A missed train or so later, your group finally managed to get off at the right stop and headed for the Borough Exchange. It was a dive bar near Vernon’s apartment that you maybe visited once before. (Mingyu was right. You didn’t typically go out of your way to see Bushwick.) You shivered as soon as the warm air hit you when you entered the small pub, music blaring from the back where a live band was playing. You could only guess that was where Vernon wanted to meet.

Pushing through the bodies of tipsy patrons, you vowed to not have a drop of alcohol tonight after last weekend. Even the thought of whiskey made your head throb. As you guys settled near the wall of the dance floor, Hana shouted over the loud guitar solo, “Where’s you friend?”

“Not sure,” you shrugged, and then checked the time on your phone. “It’s past nine. Maybe he’s running late?”

“Uh, based on your description of him,” Seungkwan called out, pointing towards the front, “I think that’s him on the stage.”

Your head whipped around, gaze meeting Vernon's immediately as he sang into the mic. His fingers danced across the strings of the red electric guitar in his hands, calloused and dry, but  he was so talented you almost didn’t believe it. He was backed by a band behind him, who you remembered from a picture he showed you once. His best friend, Minghao, played the base, while Seokmin was on the drums and Jihoon commanded a keyboard. They sounded great. They sounded professional. Vernon’s singing was out of this world, reminding you of all the old bands he spent showing you, but so authentically him. When did he start possessing such raw talent?

Your voice was unrecognizable, almost in awe, as you said, “Wow, he’s so –”

“Hot,” Seungkwan finished, and you turned to him with wide eyes. “Oh, come on, I knew you were going to say it.”

“Of course, she was,” Hana said, bumping her hip against yours. “He’s the one she’s been spending so much time with. She even came to see him at the drop of a hat.”

Seungkwan’s cheeks were so big as he poke you in the arm. “This is so fun! Almost like high school all over again, just without all the trauma. You liiiiiiike him.”

“Shhhhhhhh!” You scoffed, tugging on both their sleeves, your attention back on the stage. Your lips widened into a huge smile. “There’s a concert in front of us. Pay attention.”

Vernon and his band were only allowed to play for fifteen more minutes, until the bar manager came near the stage during one of their songs and started twirling his finger for them to wrap it up. They finished their covered of Complicated by Avril Lavigne before Vernon grabbed the mic and thanked the small crowd for listening. “Feel free to pick up our EP at the door,” he added, lifting up one hand. “We’re Awkward High-Five.”

Seokmin came up from behind the drums to slap his hand against Vernon’s. Minghao bumped his shoulder as they all jumped off stage, muttering, “We have to change the name. I was busy when you guys voted on it. It’s terrible. Even Woozi agrees with me.”

Jihoon pinched the bridge of his nose, already walking off to the bar for a drink.

“You’ll get over it, Hao,” Vernon replied, his stare completely focused on you. Minghao rolled his eyes before heading outside to have a cigarette, Seokmin quickly following behind. You were so nervous that you weren’t sure how to unclench your fists. It felt like it was only you two in the room as he walked over, your gazes unwavering. Even your friends stepped off to the side to give you privacy, or maybe Hana just wanted to talk to Jihoon. It didn’t matter, because you couldn’t focus on anything but the way Vernon was smiling at you. And now you were grinning even bigger. And the world felt like it was so small, fit for only you and him.

“Hi,” you murmured.

“Hey.” One of his hands reached out to caress your wrist. Just barely, only for a second. But enough to make your cheeks heat. “You came.”

“You called.”

He nodded, “Indeed. I knew it’d be tough to tear you away from your computer though.”

“It was, but …” You tried stopping yourself, teeth sinking into your bottom lip, and he noticed, eyes flickering just for a moment. They softened for you. And finally, you admitted, “I missed you.”

His mouth formed into that cat-like smile again, eyes crinkling at the edges. “Let me buy you a drink.”

He bought you a Shirley Temple because you expressed that you didn’t want alcohol tonight, and he joined you. The drink was sweet and syrupy, and gave you a quick glimpse of him being able to tie a cherry stem with his tongue. He didn’t let you dwell on it though – that’d be too dangerous – and he tugged on your hand to force you to introduce him to your friends. He spent an hour chatting with all of you, making an effort to tease Seungkwan because he noticed the way your friend laughed when he did. All the while, you felt his free hand skim the small of your back. Hardly there, a ghost of a touch. You felt it though. You always felt him.

When both of your glasses were empty, he turned to your friends instead of you and asked, “Would you guys mind if I drove her home?”

You shook your head. “Do I have a say in this?”

“No,” they said in unison, and then Seungkwan added, “You should drive her home, Vernon.”

“Better than taking the subway,” Hana added. “Not many people have a warm car in this city.”

You rolled your eyes before you gaze locked with his, allowing him to lead you out of the bar with a firm hand on your back this time. Minghao and Seokmin were tossing their instruments back of a van while Jihoon smoked what was left of the joint in his pocket. He offered it to Vernon as he said goodbye to all of them, but he simply waved his hand. “Nah,” he answered, “gotta drive home.”

He never turned down a joint before.

Blasting the heat as soon as you both got inside his car, the memories of Saturday night became a little more clear. You didn’t voice it, but you suddenly remembered the plushness of his passenger seat, the way his glove box didn’t close fully, the stench of weed and cologne that lingered in the fabric walls. You gave him your address, wondering if he’d give himself up, but he simply nodded and pulled out of his spot on the curb. 

He handed you his phone with Spotify open. You looked at him with confusion, pushing the aux cord in when it tried to pop out. “Show me an album you like,” he said with a jut of his chin. 

“Really?” 

He nodded eagerly. “Really.” His eyes flickered over to you quickly, noticing the way you lit up as you scrolled through his phone. Your tongue stuck out slightly from the corner of your mouth when you concentrated, and he hated that he had to tear his eyes away from you to drive. You had no idea, and how could you have know, how much it meant for you to show him music you liked. How you were engaging in a love language he never realized was there.

After much deliberation, you set his phone down and the familiar sound of Katy Perry’s voice filled his old speakers. He recognized this song from somewhere – Hackensack? – but it was acoustic. He’d never heard any of Katy’s softer work. Flicking his phone screen on for a moment, he saw an album cover that said, Katy Perry: MTV Unplugged 2009.

“I realize how random this is,” you began when his eyes met yours before turning back to the stop sign ahead. A smirk played at his lips. “Don’t laugh. I’ve listened to this album at least every week since I was a kid. I just really love it.”

The songs faded into each other – from Lost to Waking Up in Vegas – taking him back to his childhood too. He remembered when his sister used to sing these songs into her hairbrush, screaming in his ear just to piss him off. Did you experience them a different way? Or did you, too, jump around your room with your hairbrush pressed against your mouth as you belted? He wondered how much this album meant to you, if you listened to it in times of distress, if you had your first car make out to a song as silly as I Kissed a Girl. There were a million memories that you probably had with this album and he was now hearing it for the first time, through your eyes.

He slowed down at a red light as the chorus to Thinking of You picked up, and you sunk into the passenger seat, watching the streetlights twinkle outside as you warmed your hands inside your jacket sleeves. Vernon had never heard this song like this before, had never taken the time to hear the lyrics or how the guitar riff slowed: Cause when I’m with him, I am thinking of you … What you would do … If you were the one who was spending the night …

Vernon was looking at you now – really looking at you – and he wondered if the world had stopped because all he could hear was white noise in his ears. The way your lips tugged into a smile made your cheeks dip. The way your eyes lit up at the smallest of things. How proud you got when you did something right. When you got excited to talk about your studies. Everything hit him in that moment and he realized how icing you out this week because he was being an awkward asshole made him miss you. Miss this. Just you and him.

The ringing stopped, and the song filtered through.

Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes …

Vernon pursed his lips. “Do you want to go somewhere else instead of your apartment right now?”

You turned to him, beaming, all warm like the shit heating system in his car. “Sure.”

He nodded, finally looking back as the light turned green. Instead of going straight, he took a right, heading for one of the parks in Brooklyn. Pulling into the parking lot, you were greeted with the sight of Prospect Park Lake at night, something you hadn’t considered seeing before. The lake was man-made, sure, but the stars shined down on it just right, making the water glitter like diamonds.

Vernon parked right in front of the snow piles, but you both could still see the lake from here. He leaned back in his seat, his elbow resting on the edge of the window while his cheek pressed onto his fist. “I used to practice guitar here when I was a teenager,” he mused, watching the water. “I didn’t have the money for lessons, so I had to teach myself. The lake was the only place where I found peace and quiet in the city. Usually, it would just be me here and someone’s dad fishing.”

“How did you afford a guitar back then if you couldn’t get lessons?”

He sneered. “I have always been a yard sale fiend.”

Settling into a comfortable silence, the Katy Perry album ended and transitioned into his liked songs. You could tell because the Cure was now playing, a song he had showed you months ago. Your hands twitched, and you eventually turned on your side in the passenger seat to face him. He was still staring at the water lick against the rocks, running a hand over his spiked hair. “Did you bring me here to kill me?” You asked, brows narrowing.

“What?” His head whipped to yours. “Why would you ask me that?”

You tilted your head. Was he that oblivious, or did he want you to say it? This had to be one of your worst nightmares. “You’ve been acting so strange around me recently,” you answered, now playing with the broken zipper dangling by your waist. “I mean, for instance … why didn’t you tell me about your band before?”

He shrugged. “I didn’t think you’d be interested.”

“Tell me,” you said quickly, your mouth forming in a soft smile “I’m interested.”

You made his words more beautiful, like wind chimes on the first day of spring.

So he told you. Turning in the driver’s seat, he spoke about when he met his friends, how they decided to make music. It had been Jihoon’s idea; he was the mastermind behind everything. When they weren’t practicing covers of songs they all grew up listening to, Jihoon was writing their music or putting together melodies. He would get home from his 9 to 5 accounting job and immediately open his notebook to write, finding joy in this as much as his other friends. They had only been doing this for a year as a hobby, and just recently decided on a name, but he wondered if maybe, just maybe, if they applied themselves … “I don’t want to get my hopes up though,” Vernon waved his hand. "Especially with Hao’s bad attitude about the name.”

“He’ll get used to it. Hopefully,” you snickered. “The name is … well –”

“Not you too,” he sighed. 

He was looking at you again, and suddenly, it felt like you were the Mona Lisa. Like you were an LP being ogled by a customer chasing a deal. His eyes were intimate, almost hungry, and his words were slightly laced with the impulse to be closer: “I missed talking to you this week. I know we didn’t share a lot of shifts, but I didn’t text you. I know I was being weird.”

His palm was open and resting on the center console. You couldn’t help but reach out and coast your fingertip over one of the lines. Without looking at him, you asked, “Why did you lie about driving me home after the concert last weekend?”

“Caught red-handed,” he muttered, closing his fingers around yours, but only for a moment. Your gaze flicked up and met his. “I was embarrassed.”

“Because …?”

“Because I was jealous that you didn’t ask me to go with you,” he admitted, running a hand down his face. “Because I was being possessive over your time when … well, when that’s not for me to dictate.”

“You can be possessive over my time, Vernon. Just ask me first.” You flicked his arm, and he opened two fingers over his eyes to look at you. “And no more lying.”

He let the hand fall from his pretty brown eyes, grinning so big that he was showing his perfect teeth. You were almost jealous of him now, his nice, straight teeth, not one out of place. But he was staring at you like your smile lines didn’t mean a thing, like your front teeth weren’t stained from years of black coffee or that stress zit near your chin didn’t exist. His hand closed around your wrist again, thumb running over your pulse point. It was so intimate and yet so far away and oh, my god – you were finally going to say it –

“Vernon.” Your voice was so quiet you almost didn’t recognize it. “What are we doing?”

He stifled a laugh. “I’m not sure.” 

You didn’t respond, unsure how to take it, but his thumb was still caressing your wrist and sending shivers up your spine that you hadn’t felt in years. When was the last time someone touched you this way? With reverence, with actual desire?

“Pretty certain you can’t go back to being friends after admitting I got jealous over you,” he clicked his tongue, and then tilted his head up. Brow furrowing and his other palm out on the console, he added, “It was never about Mingyu, FYI. But did you really have to go with him? I mean, like, the guy’s a god.”

You giggled. Actually giggled. The sound was unfamiliar, but never with him. “I don’t like Mingyu in that way.”

He squinted one of his eyes, a snarky reply on the tip of his tongue. But he wanted for you to continue; too scared to admit more of the truth. Rejection was fleeting, not painless, and he could see that you were fighting the same battle with the way you were biting your lip. God, did that make him want to kiss you more –

“I like you,” you whispered back, resting your palm over his other one. “And I’ve just been … too scared to ruin this. But I know I can’t be anymore. So if you didn’t bring me here to kill me, the least you could do is –”

He didn’t let you finish your sentence, leaning over the center console to crash his lips onto yours. Noses bumped, teeth gnashed, but when his hand came up to cradle your jaw, you let yourself melt into it. His kiss was slow, despite all the pent-up tension that had been riddling inside him. Morrissey’s voice filtered through the speakers – And you never knew … How much I really liked you … Because I never even told you … – as Vernon licked into your mouth in a way that had your thighs pressing together in the cramped passenger seat.

He tugged on your bottom lip, and then let go. He pushed himself back against his seat, realizing he’d gotten a little more excited than planned. But he’d finally got to kiss you, and your lips were so soft, and the way your soft sounds filtered into his mouth made him undoubtedly hard –

He noticed you bring a hand to your bottom lip, swiping a droplet of blood, and that was all it took.

Cranking his seat back, you let him pick you up as if you were nothing but a doll, sliding you over the console until your hips were flush against his. You had to lean forward to prevent your head from bumping against the roof of the car and your legs were even more cramped as you kneeled on his lap, but you were doing this. How could you not when his hands were so slow, precise? They trembled slightly from pure excitement as he unzipped your jacket, letting them glide up the tight thermal you were thankful you chose to wear.

The windows began to fog up from the heat, but he didn’t notice a damn thing except for the way you were sitting so perfectly on his lap. He sat up a little, and you guided his hand to cup the swell of your breast. “Christ,” he muttered, now against your lips, “you have no idea …”

“About what?” Your hot breath fanned his cheek. His touch was barely there as he ran his thumb over your nipple, feeling it harden underneath your shirt. It felt like he was ripping you open and putting you back together just from a graze of his finger.

“How much … how much I’ve wanted to touch you,” he confessed, nibbling on your lower lip for a brief second. You pushed yourself more against him, and he almost moaned from the weight of your breasts in his palms. “I held myself back because we were friends and I didn’t want to become one of those guys. But every time we were alone, I couldn’t help but think about what it would be like to kiss you, especially when your eyes got all glassy after we smoked a joint, and sometimes I’d have to excuse myself to go to the bathroom because just being near you got me fucking hard. And it was so pathetic and needy, and so unlike me, but I started thinking about you when I jerked off –”

“I thought about you when I touched myself too.”

“Oh, fuck.”

You kissed each other like it was pure instinct, and it was rough, desperate, but needed. So needed. It was like watching the Discovery Channel, even Animal Planet – two mammals surviving on basic intuition and barbaric bliss. He kissed you like he’d been waiting for centuries, one hand pulling your hips against his while the other squeezed your breast. You pressed down on him, waiting until you heard that – oh, there it was – groan of his enter your mouth and his cock hardened in his jeans. You chased it, feeling it strain against his zipper, grinding down on it as he kissed you without trying to pathetically moan into your mouth. But it was hard – he was fucking hard – and you were so pretty on his lap that he could almost cum without being touched.

He needed to distract himself from his impending doom of cumming too early, so he  took off his jacket – quite haphazardly, enough to make you chuckle – before he peeled off your thermal top, leaving you in just a lace bralette you threw on, not even thinking another soul would see it tonight. But here you were, and now he was swallowing hard, drinking in the sight of your hard nipples pressed against the flimsy fabric. And he simply couldn’t help himself, leaning forward and yanking down the lace, dragging his tongue around one nipple. You shivered in his hold, nails raking through the short hair at the nape of his neck. “Vernon,” you whined. 

“Hansol,” he corrected, looking up at you as he shifted, tongue flicking against the other nipple.

“Huh?”

“Hansol tonight. Please.”

“Okay,” you whispered, the need in his voice making the hair on your arms stand up. Or maybe it was just his tongue, switching between both breasts as he lathered them with his spit. He wouldn’t stop, like he couldn’t get enough of you, like the goosebumps rising on your sensitive skin was the only thing keeping him alive. Eventually, you cut in, “But, Vern – Hansol –”

He chuckled, low and husky. “Yeah?”

“How the hell am I going to get my pants off?”

“Oh.” He leaned back, seeing the zipper on your jeans just halfway undone, hardly any room for you to move around. “That would be helpful.”

You practically snorted, pecking his lips before sliding off his lap and back into the passenger seat. Having you leave his lap was torture, but he tried to divert his attention away from his aching cock by struggling to take off his long-sleeve tee. Even you were grappling with kicking off your pants in the small vehicle, your panties so soaked just from dry humping that you had to shuck them off.

Vernon didn’t think this moment would ever come: you, sitting in his passenger seat, fully naked. It was something out of one of those wet dreams – and he had many about you – but he knew this was real because you were already climbing over the console and perching yourself right back on his lap, bare pussy pressed against his clothed erection. “Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, sitting up again as he watched your arousal seep into his jeans.

He was never washing these again.

Actually, he didn’t want to be gross. He would wash these.

(Theoretically, he wasn’t washing these jeans again.)

“I’ve never called you Hansol before,” you mused, pushing back his hair. “Why tonight?”

He grinned, all teeth. “I like the way you say it.”

“What if I mistakenly call you Vernon at one point?”

“That’s okay.” His hands skimmed up your sides again. “I just want to touch you.”

“Your pants are still on though.”

“Emphasis on touch,” he quipped. “We can worry about that after this.”

Holding onto your waist, he looked down and let one of his fingers trail over your folds, smearing the wetness. You breathed out a sigh, leaning back against the steering wheel, opening yourself up to him as much as you could in this confined space. It occurred to you then that if you guys had simply gone back to your apartment, he could’ve fucked you into the mattress, but it seemed fate simply wanted you both to have sex in a car at Prospect Park Lake. 

As he watched you leak onto the pads of his fingers, you couldn’t help but blurt out, “It can become like Niagara Falls down there. You’re in the splash zone.”

He immediately let out the loudest laugh, leaning back in the seat as his nose scrunched up. The way he laughed made more butterflies rise in your stomach, igniting a fire in you that not even his fingers could do. You were unable to contain yourself, smiling from ear to ear. “Holy shit,” he breathed out when his amusement subsided, and then subtly tasted you on his fingers when he thought you didn’t notice. He had to fight the urge to groan at the flavor. “Good to know. Thanks.”

“Not a problem,” you joked, lifting up a hand.

He reached down again, but before he went any further, he met your gaze. “You still want to do this?”

“Yeah, Hansol,” you replied, and his eyes fucking lit up when he heard that name come from your lips. “I want to.”

“Okay,” he smiled, straightening his back and lifting his dominant hand up. Before you could ask what he was doing, he said, “Open up.”

Your brow furrowed, but you opened your mouth anyway.

He placed three fingers on your tongue, and you closed your lips around them automatically. No hesitation needed. He watched you, felt your tongue swirl around his digits, transfixed and fantasizing what else you could fit in your mouth. But that was for another time. And if he didn’t get his fingers inside you soon, he just might die.

A trail of salvia connected your mouth to his fingers as he slipped them out, but he made sure to wipe it away with his thumb. Snaking his hand between your bodies, both of you practically folded like pretzels, he tested the waters by dipping a single finger inside your tight channel, looking up to check if you were okay. You arched slightly against the steering wheel,  careful not to hit the car horn and ruin the entire moment. He swirled that finger deeper, and you keened, pushing against him. 

You cracked one eye open. “I can take more than one finger, you know.”

“Well,” he huffed playfully, “now you’re just sounding ungrateful.”

“I’m not –”

He shoved three fingers inside of you and curled. You gasped like the wind had been knocked out of you. “Fucking Christ, Hansol –”

“Not so ungrateful anymore, huh?”

You opened both eyes, seeing him smile at you, and your own expression reflected his. Grabbing the interior handle above your head, you rocked you hips into his hand. He let out a ragged, heartbreaking breath as he began to piston those three fingers inside you. His gaze was laser focused, watching your essence drip onto his palm. The sounds you made only spurred him on, wanting to go deeper, to find that spot that made you see stars. You were still a little tense, and that might have to do with the limited space you were in. So he pressed his thumb down, flicking your clit like it was the only thing he knew how to do, and viewed up when he heard you whine.

“Like that?” He asked, and your response came in the form of another mewl. “Okay, I got you. Come closer.”

Before you could shift, he was wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you forward. He sat up, letting your chest become flushed with his, leaving no room for you to escape his long fingers. He shoved them back inside, crooked them even deeper, and your hips jumped in a way that told him he found it. That place. And now, you were whispering his name just as pathetically as he did with yours when he jerked off. “Hansol, please –”

“I know,” he cooed, tilting his head to graze his lips against yours. “Lemme make you cum. Soak my fingers.”

You nodded weakly, pressing your cheek against his as he fucked those three fingers into you. Your nails dug into his shoulders, anchoring yourself to him, as your hips began to roll in time with his hand. His praise was like a soothing rhythm in your ear, but you could tell he was desperate. He was so hard underneath you that you felt his precum soak through his jeans. His fingers moved faster, pressing down on your clit while you heaved out his name. And then you were letting go, stars exploding behind your eyes when his fingers curled just right inside of you, his thumb rubbing harshly on your swollen clit at the same time. You gushed around his fingers and he was huffing like it was his first time all over again, and god, if this is how you felt around his fingers, he didn’t want to imagine how you were going to feel wrapped around his cock –

“Hansol?”

He lifted his head up again, meeting your half-lidded eyes. It took everything in him to pull his fingers out of you, to lick your release off his fingers and try not to moan loud enough to scare you off. Your stare was already so fucked out and there was sweat at your hairline and holy shit, your lips – parted with just a tiny bit of drool lingering at the corner. Fuck, he was – “I’m so fucking obsessed with you,” he murmured, and then his face twisted. “I’m sorry. I sound like such a loser.”

“No, you don’t,” you chuckled softly. “You’re usually so confident. Where did all that go?”

“I think I turned to mush when you came on my fingers.”

Your brow shot up.

“I just …” He struggled to find the words, eyes darting around the car. “I didn’t really expect this to happen. Like ever. And the last place you’ve probably ever wanted to be is in my car, and –”

“Hansol,” you said, grabbing his face so he would look at you. “This is the only place I want to be. Do you want to have sex?”

“Yes,” he answered without hesitation. “I kind of need to be inside you.”

You both laughed together, sitting back on his lap as he unzipped his jeans and wrestled with shucking them down enough. Your eyes raked down him then, finally noticing just how toned he was without a shirt. His skin was soft, but almost had a pearly hue in the moonlight streaming through the foggy windows. His chest was wide and his arms were slender, yet toned. His collarbones were pronounced, and you realized there was a silver chain dangling on his neck. You reached out, playing with it, as he eventually pulled his cock out.

He was longer than you assumed – at least, longer than average – with not a lot of girth, but enough to make you gawk a little. A few veins ran up the shaft, and a pretty pink head with precum running down his knuckles now. His erection, once neglected, was now demanding attention, and Vernon held it as if he was scared of being inside you, as if the mere thought of you wrapped around him was too much of a fantasy to bear. He met your eyes and you slid forward, his cologne beckoning you closer.

At one point, it was that very cologne that made you want to move further away. How the tables had turned.

You reached out, hesitated, until he realized what you were doing and allowed you to wrap your nimble fingers around him. You gave an experimental stroke, and then another, and another. His cock was hard and throbbing, but the skin was as soft and delicate. Vernon’s breath hitched, making you whisper, “Hansol …” Your thumb rubbed circles on the tip and more precum drooled out. “I thought … thought about doing this … when I touched myself,” you mewled for him, and his head fell forward.

“Jesus Christ,” he moaned, his warm breath hitting your nipples in the best way possible.  Your strokes were lazy, but enough to make his balls ache. “If you … if you keep touching me like that, I’m not gonna fucking last.”

You chuckled. “Okay, I won’t torture you any longer.”

“You can. Some other time,” he promised with a grin. “But don’t expect to get nothing in return. I think I need to spend a few hours with my face between your legs.”

The giggle you released turned into a snort, and you flicked his nose before aligning his cock with your entrance. “I can agree to those terms, if you survive tonight.” You hovered above him, your head bent over the roof of the car in perhaps the most uncomfortable position possible. You made it work though, allowing your lips to just barely graze his tip, the friction making you both keen.

Vernon sighed heavily. “Fuck, I might not.”

Slowly, reverently, you sank down on Vernon’s cock, taking him inch by inch. You let out a deep whimper as he filled you, the angle making you feel the length of him almost in your stomach. The moment he was seated fully inside, he let out a groan that was unrecognizable. A pathetic tilt resounded at the end, his breathing getting heavier and heavier the longer you simply didn’t move. He swallowed hard and demanded, “You need to move.”

“Are you going to cum just from that?” You asked, nearly out of breath.

“I might,” he confessed. “I wasn’t joking that I’ve been thinking about this forever. If you don’t move, I’m going to move you.”

You lifted your head to give him a look. “You’re so –”

His hands seized your hips, kneading hard, as he lifted you slightly off his cock before slamming you back down. You practically choked on your own spit, looking at him underneath you. He was smirking, and your jaw was unhinging. You didn’t have to say it; he could tell from your eyes that they were saying, Do it again. So his grip on you got firmer, and he began fucking you onto his cock.

Your hips ground against his, not wanting to be separated from him, and your arms wound around his neck. His moans turned louder, tongue lapping at one of your nipples again as you writhed on top of him. “Hansol,” dripped from your mouth like honey, causing his fingers  to dig into your hips deeper with each pass. His breathing was so heavy, so pretty, close to a whine and making him sound absolutely ruined even though he was the one wrecking you like his life depended on it. Maybe it did. Because you were trembling and drenching his cock in your essence and fuck, you felt like a vice around him. 

“I want –” He hit a spot inside you that made you almost double over. You met his eyes as he tweaked your nipple with his teeth. “I want you to cum inside me.”

He leaned back releasing your nipple that was now red and coated in his spit. “Probably not a good idea.”

“I’m on the pill.”

“Fuck, oh my god,” he murmured – anguished, desperate. “Why did you tell me that?”

It was like you flipped a switch inside him. He bounced you on his cock with renewed vigor, not even giving you the room to rock against him. There was a finish line now; there was a reason to keep touching you and a reason to have you gripping his hair like this was a ride you wouldn’t survive. He was panting now in your ear, taking a few moments in between to bite on the lobe, and when he felt his balls draw up, he somehow was able to snake a hand in between you without you noticing. His thumb was back on your clit, rubbing hard circles, and you whined and moaned, feeling like melted ice cream on a hot summer day.

Sparks blotted your vision. You saw white, and then realized what was happening. You were clenching around him so taut that you both moaned in unison. You soaked his entire shaft, and he was still fucking you through it, pinching your clit just right to prolong your orgasm. Your body was reeling, tears pricking at your eyes, not sure how much more you could take and wondering if you’d been cumming for hours. His voice sounded gruff and distant in your ear. 

“Oh, my fucking – you’re so tight when you cum. I think I’m gonna die – shit,” he muttered, a whine echoing at the end. “When was the last time you got f–”

“A while,” you huffed, forehead falling into the crook of his neck as his movements slowed a little. He was rocking you into him now, trying not to cum so quick, but you knew he’d been at the edge for a while now, and Christ, you just wanted him to fill you so badly. “So make this worth it, Vernon.”

He snickered, “Yes, ma’am.”

You gasped when you felt him fuck up into you, thrusting his hips somehow in this cramped space. Teeth biting into his shoulder, you cried out his name. You were overstimulated and fucked out, but he needed to cum. So you clenched around him again, making him breathe hard and then – there it was. That groan again. So desperate and loud and whiney as his release spilled into you. Your fingers were in his hair now, tugging, and his head fell back enough so your lips could connect. His moans poured into your mouth and they tasted sweet like grenadine. Warmth filled you, dripping between your legs when he finally stopped bucking up into you. 

Mouths detached then, hot breath fanning both your faces. Your hands now cradled his face as your lips barely ghosted over his. It took all your strength to finally sit up, feeling his softening cock begin to slip out of you, and he laid back in the seat to give you a better angle. When you were finally free, you slid over the center console and fell into the passenger seat. Neither of you bothered to put your clothes back on. The car was warm enough, the windows completely fogged, and you agreed that the only thing you wanted to do right now was just lie back. 

Eventually, you both began to laugh, tickled at the absurdity of what just happened. Vernon flipped open his glove box in front of you and pulled out a small metal tin. He flicked the lid open, revealing two hand rolled joints and a quarter of one left. He took one of the full ones and lit the end with a lighter he conveniently had in one of his cupholders. After taking a heavy drag, he handed it over to you.

Bending your seat back all the way like his, you took the joint and let the smoke fill your lungs. You opened the window a crack, just to flick a few ashes out. The leather of the seat became sticky as some of your combined releases trickled out, but neither of you, not even him, cared enough to do anything but smoke this joint and giggle.

As you relit the end, he turned to you, his lips tugging up. “So,” he began, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear, “since I survived tonight, mind if I take you home to do as I promised?”

You inhaled and choked at the same time, passing the joint back to him as you coughed. He patted your back, concerned, until you started laughing uncontrollably. “We finally have hook up,” you said in between snorts, “and that’s the first thing you say?”

“Do you not want to then?” He asked with the joint hanging from the corner of his mouth.

“I would be a fool to say no, Hansol.” You made an effort to call him his chosen name even when you weren’t being intimate, and that, above all, was what made his cheeks flush. The thought of his face spending hours between your thighs made your skin prick. Your pinky slowly found his on the console. “I’ll agree to your terms, if … if you promise to take me on a real date. Not some listening party in your apartment, although those are fun. Even if it’s just pizza at Tony’s. I want it to be real.”

With the joint still in between his teeth, he held up your locked pinky fingers and smiled. “You got yourself a deal.”

The words had been rolling through his head for what felt like forever. Joshua had become a hermit in his apartment. Weeks turned to months, and eventually he was dipping his hand into his savings as if it were a cookie jar. He needed to find another residency, but how could he when magicians just weren’t that exciting anymore? Just thinking about Richard made him want to scoff. He had no choice but to start looking for auditions, unless he wanted to be penniless. To think that he, J. Nocturne: Master of the Veil, had to audition was unbelievable. Almost embarrassing.

He had one audition. No call back.

Another audition. No call back.

Yet another. No fucking call back.

Now, he was mortified.

What could he be doing wrong? Joshua had been perfecting his act over so many years. He adapted his performance for a Twitter-centric crowd, and then the TikTok generation, making segments of his act shorter to accommodate everyone’s shorter attention spans these days. He always knew when to switch it up, to trust in his gut. So why wasn’t he being hired? Turning the dreaded 3-1 had to mean something: his glory days were over. 

He just wasn’t the magician he once was.

After a fifth audition over video chat with no response, Joshua was ready to hang up his hat. He got in his car one late Saturday afternoon, noting that the air smelled of pumpkin spice and aged wine, with the intent to visit his local coffee shop and try to pick up a part-time gig until he found something permanent. But it was when he parked that he noticed something in the distance. He stepped out of the vehicle, squinting across the street at a huge tent being set up in an abandoned field.

Was this … not a mirage? That field had been deserted for years, the grass so dead that it turned white. Some of the local high schoolers had even begun to use it for parties. It was well known in town as a dead zone. Joshua pinched himself, but the sight before him wasn’t disappearing into thin air. He ogled the large red and white tent, stained with dirt and wear, along with a slightly-torn sign that said, COME ONE, COME ALL! THE MIDNIGHT MENAGERIE.

Taking this as a good omen, Joshua immediately got back in his car and drove over. He passed the fabric sign, trying not to note how the letters were either made out of red paper or sticky paint, and stopped by a trailer situated near the main tent. There were various other canopies littered amongst the grounds, surrounded by teams of people for set up. Some were in costume, unbeknownst to him, while others looked like children, walking through the dirt with no shoes. Joshua cocked a brow, considered going back in his car, and then almost jumped out of his skin when a clown wearing yellow makeup and a tiger-striped vest breezed past him with a haunting laugh.

He turned at the right time, finding a man lingering on the steps of the trailer. He was looking at Joshua like he expected him to be here, like he had been waiting patiently for him to arrive. The brunette man was an inch or so shorter than Joshua, but his stance held command. “Are you here for the audition?” He asked suddenly, mouth lifting into a smirk.

“You’re holding auditions?” Joshua replied.

“We’re always holding auditions.” He chuckled, disappearing back into the trailer, expecting Joshua to follow.

Looking around for a moment, Joshua hesitated before venturing inside the packed trailer. The owner, which he could only guess was the man in front of him, was clearly a hoarder. He had stacks of paper and manila folders in almost every corner, posters from years past hung up on the wall, vintage animatronics that made a shiver run down Joshua’s spine once he spied them at the back of the office. He introduced himself as Seungkwan, and then asked Joshua to sit down in a chair that looked like it was made for a child.

“When did you and your crew get in town?” He asked, crossing his legs to get more comfortable. “I’ve never seen your circus here before. This land has been abandoned for years.”

Seungkwan smiled, his expression almost disoriented. “We’ve come back every year around this time.”

Joshua stared at him for a long moment. “I feel like I would’ve noticed you. Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

Joshua was used to circus people being strange – I mean, he, himself, wasn’t all there. He was a magician. But Seungkwan had to be on some kind of psychedelics. He had this far-off look in his eyes, and he spoke like he was from a different time. Joshua had done psychedelics once – high school graduation night – and Seungkwan wasn’t exhibiting any other physical symptoms. So what was his deal?

“Well, uh – I don’t have any props with me, but I guess I can show you some of my videos online for the audition,” he cleared his throat. “I’ve always worked as –”

“A magician,” Seungkwan prompted, raising a brow. Joshua’s mouth dropped slightly, his eyes never leaving the owner’s, until Seungkwan slapped his knee. “I’ve seen your videos. I’m a fan.”

Relief crashed through him. Joshua laughed along with him, albeit quite awkwardly, but the tension needed to be alleviated. Seungkwan crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his chair. He studied Joshua for a moment, his eyes raking down the button-up that was just one button too low, the dark wash jeans hugging his thighs, and then hummed. “So when can you start?”

“You’re hiring me?” Joshua asked, dumbfounded. “Just like that?”

“Unless you don’t want it.”

He stammered, “No, I – I … yes, I want to. I can start setting up tomorrow.”

Seungkwan clapped. “Great!” He opened one of the many drawers on the side of his desk, which Joshua just now noticed was missing a leg. Even throughout the mess, Seungkwan was able to find the paper he wanted so easily. He slid it across the desk and placed a pen on top. “This is your contract. All I need is for you to sign on the dotted line below.”

Joshua flipped the piece of paper over, front and back. “Pretty short for a contract.”

He grinned shyly. “I’m concise.”

Skimming through it, Joshua didn’t find anything unordinary in the fine print. In fact, this almost seemed too good to be true. Just when he was down on his luck, this Midnight Menagerie seem to pop up out of nowhere with a job opening for him in mind. He didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth, but it was just … no. If he thought about it more, he might refuse this opportunity.

Meeting Seungkwan’s eyes, Joshua set the paper down and scratched his name in ink at the bottom. He was elated, but he couldn’t help the creeping suspicion that he might’ve just sold his soul.

Next to the big event pavilion, Seungkwan handed Joshua one of the biggest tents on the premises for his act. As if it was always meant to be his. Opening night was months away, but Seungkwan explained that they liked to move locations early to give enough time for set up and to practice the performances in a new space. Joshua became accustomed to showing up everyday, gathering supplies for his stage, even called his parents to tell them the good news. (In typical fashion, all they wanted to know was if he had a girlfriend yet.)

Despite his excitement, Joshua noticed the obvious red flags about the establishment. Every circus came with them, but none had ever been this … eerie. He didn’t question the other performers who seemed like they were from a different era. He didn’t ask the owner why he was able to appear and disappear at the most unlikely of times. He ignored a plethora of other things that kept him up at night. Joshua knew that as long as he kept his head down, he’d get paid. And that was all that mattered at the end of the day. He just needed this gig to last a little longer before he retired the cloak and finally went for the corporate role his parents always dreamed for him.

He was working late one night when Seungkwan approached him. Setting up different props on stage to see what looked right, Joshua turned around to see the owner directly beside him and he fought the urge to scream. He didn’t even hear the tent flap open; Seungkwan was as silent as a ghost.

“I’m surprised you’re still here,” Seungkwan mused, eyes roaming around the stage. There was a dark shade of gray under his eyes. “You pegged me as a person who is scared to be out late, young Joshua.”

Joshua raised a brow. “I thought I was older than you.”

The owner paused. “Anywho,” he sighed, dragging a finger over the edge of the stage, gathering the dust. “I was thinking today … have you considered getting an assistant?”

Joshua rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve never needed one before. I can draw big crowds just by myself.”

“Just a thought,” he shrugged. “You know, sex sells and what not.”

“If I hired an assistant, I wouldn’t be having sex with her,” Joshua stated.

“Don’t misunderstand me. I wasn’t suggesting that at all,” Seungkwan waved his hand. “I’m just saying … a beautiful assistant can do wonders for stage presence. Keep it in mind.” His eyes flickered to the stage once again. “And take care of the dust. It gets rather filthy in here.”

Taking his words as an order rather than a suggestion, Joshua made a post online that he was holding auditions. Clearly, Seungkwan thought that he couldn’t get by on his skills alone, but the last thing he wanted was an assistant. No, he’d hire an apprentice, someone he could train and shape, someone to take his place once this circus season ended. Instead of hanging up the cloak, it could go to someone else.

Auditions were held in his tent on the first Saturday of September. Joshua got to the circus grounds bright and early, expecting a car or two already parked, but there was … nobody. Not even any of the performers were out and about. He waited in his tent for hours, but still, no one showed up to his auditions. He was inviting people to stop by between 8 AM to 2 PM. He gave them enough time. Was he doing something wrong? Did his posts not reach enough of his audience? Joshua was biting the edge of his nail, frantically scrolling through his phone, when the flap to his tent opened.

And there you were.

You swallowed hard as you stumbled inside the tent, locking eyes with the J. Nocturne. You almost couldn’t believe it. You’d been a fan ever since you first saw his videos go viral on Youtube in college, even going to see him live whenever your local circus was in town. A couple times, you ventured outside of town to see him, just to be the first to witness his new act.

Your friends, your family – everyone thought it was strange that you idolized a circus magician. Even you couldn’t deny that your fascination with him was borderline unusual. But something about him was endearing, so charismatic, as if he could pull you under a real spell. You were just shy of 26, and he was older than you by a few years, but he seemed so much older than that. So much wiser.

When you had seen his post about auditions, you took a train, and then a bus just to get here. It didn’t matter that you didn’t have the first clue on how to be a magician’s apprentice. You weren’t missing this. You arrived close to the end of auditions, hair a mess and sweat clinging to your forehead, but you still made it. Adjusting the strap of your bag on your shoulder, your eyes roamed around the tent and saw no one else there. Perhaps most people auditioned earlier.

“Am I late?” You asked, slightly out of breath.

Joshua took in the sight of your light blue sundress, the light fabric clinging to your hips, and noticing the small coffee stain near the neckline. Just one look at you and he knew you weren’t cut out for this. He could tell you were disheveled and unorganized, nothing of use to him. And yet … he couldn’t take his eyes off of you.

“No, no …” He finally cleared his throat and gestured to the stage. “Right on time. The floor is yours.”

You nodded quickly, walking ahead and setting your bag down by the stage. Striding up the steps, you stopped in the middle of the stage, hands balling into fists as you met his eyes in the back row of seats. His brow shot up, one finger tracing his top lip.

“I …” You shifted from one foot to the other. “I didn’t exactly prepare an act.”

Joshua blinked. “Then how did you plan on auditioning?”

“I assumed my charisma and enthusiasm would land me the job.”

You couldn’t be serious. Just like he assumed: you were of no use to him. Nevertheless, something about you was pulling him in, and he wasn’t sure if he liked it. Your smile was contagious, and he was fighting the urge to laugh at your response.

“Do you have any experience with stage performance?” He asked, leaning back in his chair.

“Well … no, not exactly. I was forced to do a play in middle school. It was something by Dr. Seuss, I think.” Your knuckles were turning white now, your nails digging into your palm. “Other than that … what’s the saying? ‘All the world’s a stage?’”

Joshua rubbed at his eyes for a moment. “Quoting Shakespeare is an interesting way to get the job as a magician’s apprentice.”

“Mr. Nocturne –”

“Just call me Joshua.”

Your mouth opened, then closed. Finally, you let your fingers relax, your breath slowing as his hard eyes met yours. “Joshua,” you said, his name rolling off your tongue, sweet like syrup. “I know I’m not fit for this job. I did email you my resume, and my background is very clearly in cooking. I’ve worked at a few restaurants, so I know how to work through a fast place environment like this one. I’m just …” You sighed. “Admittedly, I’m a huge fan of you. It would be fun to do something like this and work alongside someone I’ve admired. Your videos got me through a lot of stressful nights in undergrad.”

Admire. That one word looped through his head, making every hair on the back of his neck stand up. He couldn’t remember the last time someone told him they admired him. But you did, and now it felt like the planet had physically stopped spinning, just so he could stare at you in this moment and appreciate the sight in front of him. 

You were what Seungkwan wanted for him. You had to be. There was something about you that was captivating. Maybe it was the softness of your smile, the nervous glint in your eyes,  the way your posture was slightly lopsided, but he … he wanted to know more.

You were untrained and not exactly talented. But you were moldable.

And Joshua knew how to mold.

Standing up from his seat, he walked forward until he was at least a foot from the stage. He tilted his head up to look at you and asked, “I can start teaching you the basics tomorrow.”

Opening night was less than two months away – October 31st, to be exact – and Joshua didn’t realize how difficult it was going to be to train a complete amateur just the foundation of magic. 

He assumed it would be easy to pick up, like riding a bike on training wheels, but boy, was he wrong. You lacked the attention span to follow his instructions, and your mind was almost always somewhere else to remember exactly what he told you. It took almost a week for you both to nail down pulling a bunny out of a hat – something most children could do. 

He was determined to make you the perfect apprentice. If there was anything about Joshua, it was that he was hell-bent, bordering on obsessive. Hopefully, in a few years, you’d be good enough to take over his act, allowing him to retire and move on. But until then … he was stuck in this tent, teaching you the difference between close-up magic and stage magic. 

This new position in life had his brain completely warped, and even you noticed. You had been watching Joshua’s routine for years, memorized it down to the second. But around him, you could hardly remember a thing. Maybe it was due to his attitude. You could tell that he never wanted to be at this backwater circus in the first place, or training an apprentice, for that matter. You heard him talking to one of the jugglers – Vernon? – and complaining about having to relearn his act all over again. He was frustrated and deeply insecure about it all – to the point you almost wished you hadn’t gotten the job – but somehow, Joshua was still … incredibly cocky.

Multiple times a day, he made you redo a routine over and over again. He got close to you because he knew that made you sweat. He belittled you and loved to remind you of your place while trying not to throw a stack of cards off the stage. After a month of training you, the only piece you had perfected because the rabbit trick, which led Joshua to calling you, Bunny.

The nickname made the hairs stand on the back of your neck. Your skin would prickle and your nails would create the deepest crescents in your palm. You would tell him to stop calling you that, and he would simply smile before ordering you to practice again. It was demeaning and rude and frankly, uncreative, but …

But.

If all those things were true … why were you up most nights repeating the way he said it in your head? You couldn’t help but close your eyes, remembering the way his lips formed as he uttered the name, while slipping a hand under your pajama pants. You would moan into your pillow to drown out your shame, fingers pumping in and out of you, wondering if his could go that much deeper, how his one gloved hand would feel better than anything you’ve ever experienced. Your apartment was so dark, so empty, but as you imagined him, it felt like all eyes were on you, watching you as you fucked yourself and thought about J. Nocturne. And then you would cum, with nothing but the memory of your boss saying, “Bunny,” echoing behind your eyelids.

How mortifying it could be to have a crush.

 Almost a couple weeks before Halloween, you began to notice a change in him too. It was unsuspecting at first. You had been so wrapped up in your daydream-infused lust to realized that maybe – just maybe – it was reciprocated. (I mean, how could you ever think that with all his belittling, with your nightly routine that left you red and embarrassed every time you thought about it?) Until the night of the costume fitting. 

You both had just wrapped up a long eight hours of practice. You had finally perfected almost half the routine, which Joshua considered a win, so he rewarded you with takeout and a surprise. Sitting in your dressing room behind the stage, grease and sauce staining your upper lip, he couldn’t help but want to watch your reaction as he set the dress bag on the rack before you. He simply gestured to it with his head before grabbing his takeout carton and slurping a noodle. (Which you tried, desperately, to ignore.) Wiping your mouth with a napkin, you asked, “What’s this?”

He shrugged casually. “Open it up and see.”

You placed your carton of fried rice on the table before standing up. With heightened anticipation, you slowly pulled down the zipper of the dress bag and … what the fuck?

“I had it made specifically for you, Bunny.”

You could hardly hear him through the ringing in your ears. Your face was turning red, either from humiliation or anger, you weren’t sure. The reason he had a tailor come earlier this week to take your measurements was because … your onstage costume was supposed to resemble a white rabbit.

“You’re joking,” you finally muttered, fingers grazing the vintage lace on the skirt. 

“What?”

You practically heard the brow raise in his voice, and when you looked over your shoulder at him – there it was. Your eyes blinked, studying his face. He was serious about this. “You expect me to wear this?” You shucked the dress bag down to unveil the costume in all it’s frilly glory. “To parade around the stage with you as your personal Playboy Bunny? I have more respect for myself than that. Sorry.”

His jaw ticked, so quick you almost didn’t notice it. 

Getting to his feet, Joshua walked over to you with his hands in the front pockets of his pants. Your eyes raised the closer he got, until he was directly in front of you, dark stare flickering from yours to the costume in your tight grip. Your nails were painted his favorite color: dark blue. You never had your nails painted, and … were you wearing makeup or were your cheeks that red right now?

“Last I checked,” he spoke calmly, as if he was preserving a deeper part of his voice, “you worked under me. You don’t exactly have a choice. Now, go try on the costume.”

Your eyes narrowed. “I’ll try it on when I want to.”

“Fine.” He shrugged, walking back over to his chair and popping another forkful of noodles into his mouth.

You waited there, stunned, as he pretended like you didn’t existed. He held the takeout in one hand, grabbing his phone with the other and beginning to scroll through his texts. After a moment, you let out a frustrated exhale. “Whatever, give me a few minutes,” you said, turning your back before you could see his triumphant grin.

You rounded the corner to the back of the dressing room, pulling the curtain to shield yourself. Meeting your eyes in the old mirror, you placed your hands on both cheeks, feeling the heat. You slapped yourself, hoping it would knock some sense into you, but the sting of pain was only a mere distraction from the inevitable. But it wasn’t time to think about that right now. You couldn’t.

It took more than a few minutes to get the costume on. This dressing room had such minimal lighting, especially behind the curtain, so you struggled with even finding the zipper. You looked at yourself in the mirror again, almost in horror. The bunny ears might be the worst part. They looked old and used, dirt staining part of the white and one ear bent down far too low, almost hitting you in the eye. The top was tight and hardly fit your chest, but you supposed you did look good. The fabric was a thick, white brocade sewn into a corset-like bodice, but with a zipper in the back and frilly lace lining the neckline. The skirt had the same lace, almost resembling a pair of bloomers, but trust that this was a skirt. And it was far too short to wear anywhere. Your behind was practically hanging out the back, or was your ass just that long? Genetics were such a bitch sometimes. 

The costume was definitely made to your measurements, but something about it was so old. Could it be the 1930s-style corset shape? Or the stains embedded into the up-cycled lace? You weren’t sure. Despite this, you couldn’t help but … admire yourself, even in this dim lighting. Although it was tight, it fit you in all the right places. You looked different. You looked sexy.

You couldn’t remember the last time you looked like this.

Yanking the curtain back, you stepped out nervously and intertwined your hands behind your back. He was already waiting there for you, patiently, leaning back in his folding chair as he regarded you with ease. Like he got exactly what he wanted. You could tell he was fighting back some kind of expression – a smile, perhaps? – as his eyes raked down your barely-clothed form. But you kept your chin held high. That was all you had in this moment, and besides … you knew you looked good.

When his eyes met yours once again, he was staring at you like a predator that had finally captured his prey. Like he wanted you. Like he needed you.

God, could pull it together until you were alone in your apartment tonight?

“Well?” You spat, attempting to ignore the immediate pulse between your legs.

But you wondered if he could sense it, if he could smell it, because he hesitated. His hand on his knee jerked slightly. 

“‘Well,’ what?”

Your sweaty hands smoothed down the frills on your skirt. “Well, what do you think? You’re the one who had me try this on in the first place.” You reached up, adjusting the ears. “The headband is a little tight.”

He bit the inside of his cheek, and you noticed a change in his eyes then. Somehow, they were darker than before, a trace of smoke swirling behind that deep abyss. His stare lingered on the shape of you, how the fabric fit just right, wishing – praying – you turned slightly so he see just a hint of your ass peaking from under the hem of the skirt.

Or maybe you were imagining that part.

Because he adjusted his stance in the chair, sitting up, and turned back to his phone. He grabbed the takeout carton and sent you a small smile. “I’ve seen enough,” he said, reading through a text thread.

He didn’t meet your eyes again for the rest of the night.

Joshua found you up earlier for practice each day, spied you staying after hours memorizing the routine alone. This whole time he’d been dead set on practicing with you, but he realized observing you was much more satisfying. Some mornings, he would walk into the tent, not say a word, and simply watch you for the fourth row as you did the routine over and over again. 

He was becoming harder on you, which you guessed you should’ve expected given the fact that opening night was less than two weeks away. Every mistake was like a lashing, but somehow worse than that. You would’ve preferred his loud voice, maybe even a ruler smack. Anything other than him sitting in the back row and saying in the calmest voice possible, “Again.”

Some days it was almost too much. The days where you’d practice for over ten hours and nothing went right. When the latch on the stage trap door got stuck once again, you sunk to the floor and blew out a tired sigh. Sweat clung to your hairline. You were so hot despite the October chill in the air. You heard the rest of the performers outside the tent laughing, grilling barbecue and singing. But you were stuck inside this tent for what felt like forever and there was your boss repeating, “Again.”

“I can’t,” you breathed out, tugging you hair up into a ponytail. “We need to break for the night.”

“Opening night is a week away.” Joshua shoved his phone in his pocket and sat back in his chair. “I know that door is old and rusty, but you still haven’t been able to time the pull correctly.”

You blinked at him. He wasn’t going to let you leave. “I’m doing my best. It’s late. I’m hungry.”

Joshua tilted his head.

“Can’t we just call it tonight? I’ll be able to come at this with a fresh mind tomorrow.”

He sighed, and for a moment, you thought he was going to relent. With a shake of his head, he said, “Again.”

You surged to your feet, the adrenaline rushing through you and leaving just as quickly. Stomping down the stairs of the stage, you walked through the rows of folding chairs and muttered, “Absolutely the fuck not. I’m grabbing some barbecue from Jihoon, and then I’m going home.”

As you passed by his chair, you felt his large hand wrap around your forearm like an electric coil. Your feet stilled, despite yourself, looking down at him until he stood up and your chin was tilting upwards. You swallowed hard. His palm was like acid, hot and stinging against your goose-bumped arm. He could feel it too – you knew he could – the way your pulse was thrumming, calling out to him like a song.

You tried to save face as you whispered, “Are you going to let go of me?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Bunny?” He wasn’t answering your question this time. “I’m sure Jihoon really misses your company. You love a strong man, right?”

“Excuse me?” Your eyes narrowed. “You have no right to speak to me like that.”

He cocked his head. “Jihoon has become nothing but a mere distraction for you. I’ve seen you sneaking off to see him around noon, sitting with him for lunch. He’s walked you to your car every night for the past couple of weeks.”

"What are you doing? Spying on me?”

His chin jerked back, as if you caught him redhanded.

Your lips pursed, and after a moment, you muttered, “Joshua, let go of my arm.”

Slowly, gradually – Joshua’s hand unraveled and lifted from your forearm. You were almost tempted to look down, to see if his palm had burned itself into your skin, but you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. No matter how much you fantasized about him.

The funniest part about all of this was … Jihoon meant nothing to you. He was a friend, but nothing more than that. The fact that Joshua was seeing something you didn’t meant he had been watching you much more closely than you’d given him credit for. 

“I won’t let Jihoon, or anyone else – for that matter – become a big enough distraction and ruin our performance,” he finally replied. “If you think I would, you clearly weren’t as big of a fan as you said you were. I would sacrifice anything if it meant my show did well.”

You took in the honesty written all over his face, how deeply earnest he was about this. But it didn’t matter when he was being accusatory like this. You scoffed, turning on your heel and walking towards the exit. 

“Bunny.”

Your hand was pulling up the tent flap, but then you paused. You met his gaze over your shoulder.

His mouth was turned upward on one side, like he was teasing you. “Be ready to practice in costumes tomorrow.”

Not that fucking rabbit costume.

You sneered in his direction. “Goodnight, sir.”

Maybe he had been right, in some way, about you not knowing him. Not being as big of a fan. He was the magician you idolized; the man you watched on YouTube religiously, even when your college roommate made fun of you. But now … he was your boss, and you had to treat him as such. You were simply an apprentice, an assistant in a white bunny costume on opening night.

Regardless, Joshua was learning that when his apprentice didn’t want to do something, you were absolutely not doing it. It didn’t matter if he was your boss or just a guy at a bar. You were a stubborn piece of work.

“What are you wearing?” He asked, adjusting his favorite cape on one of his shoulders. Afternoon sunlight casted through a hole in the roof of the tent, and you tried to keep your eyes away from where he was pulling at the white gloves on his hands.

You placed your hands on your hips and looked down. An old thermal henley clung to your torso while you wore a pair of sweatpants dangerously low on your hips. When your head popped back up, you asked, “What? You thought I was actually going to wear that rabbit costume today?”

“That is what I asked for.” His brow shot up high. “Have you never heard of a dress rehearsal?”

You glared at him. “I’m not wearing the costume.”

A quick tick in his jaw, and Joshua was slowly walking over to your end of the stage. You were tempted to step back, but then you’d be falling off the edge. Maybe that was what he wanted. Your heart rate only increased the closer he got. When his feet were practically touching yours, he adjusted his right glove and said, “I thought you wanted to become my apprentice to surpass me.”

“And you think the key to surpassing you is prancing around stage in a white bunny costume?”

He couldn’t help but smile a little. You got him there. “Always got a comeback. Right.” He shook his head and turned on the heel of his loafer, striding back to his stool at center stage. In the most casual tone possible, he asked, “Would Jihoon be able to get you in that outfit?”

Your brow knitted together. “What?” You could feel your rage bubbling beneath the surface, and he could see it. He knew he’d already won. “What is your issue with Jihoon?”

“No issue.” He shrugged. “Just a question.”

You didn’t respond, only crossed your arms over your chest.

Joshua’s eyes flitted down, just for a moment, ogling your neckline so quickly you didn’t even notice it, before his gaze connected with yours again. That wisp of a smile appearing once more. “I just figured … since you were laughing with him so much at lunch today …” His shoulders sagged up and down.

You stomped over, wagging your finger in this face. “If you paid enough attention, then you’d very clearly see that Jihoon is just my fucking friend –”

“And also a distraction, seeing as we’re still talking about him and you’re on the defense,” he quipped, looking down as if you were a kid. Like he had you right where he wanted.

Your persistence was waning, crumbling like a stack of bricks. “I don’t want to put it on –”

“I’m your boss,” he rebuked, and your mouth immediately sealed shut. A brutal loss. “At least, put on the damn ears. Sound good, Bunny?”

Minutes later, you were standing in the middle of that stage, performing dress rehearsal as one of your rabbit ears kept flopping into your eye. All the while, Ringmaster Seungkwan watched from the tent entrance. Your boss – your biggest admiration – had become the source of your humiliation, but the pull he had on you was relentless. You’d give in eventually.

What could be even more embarrassing? Touching yourself that night while thinking about those goddamn white gloves, how jealous he got over Jihoon. Guess you couldn’t be that mad about it after all.

It was October 31st. As soon as the sun set, the spotlight in front of the circus switched on. The Midnight Menagerie was open and bustling with life. Performers stood outside the rusty gate, waving to every vehicle that passed. Cars, motorcycles, even children on bicycles made their way inside the circus, heads almost doing a 360 as they took in the hypnotizing lights on display. Seungkwan’s voice boomed from the big tent, inviting one and all to witness what was in store at the menagerie.

Joshua had been running around his own tent the whole day, making sure every piece of the set was perfect. He did run throughs with the teenagers hired for lights at least twenty times. Scolded you over the phone when you didn’t arrive for rehearsal at the exact time he asked. Had you do over one trick when you made the tiniest mistake. But still, he was having a good day. At least that’s what he told himself so his head wouldn’t blow up. 

He almost couldn’t bear to look outside the curtain once he knew the gates had been open. Too scared of failure, too anxious to see that all this had been for nothing. But when he finally stuck his head from the side of the velvet divider, he was shocked to see that his tent was packed already. Almost every seat was filled. The crowd seemed stiff though, almost translucent like ghosts, and he wondered how they managed to file in without making a sound. He needed this to go well; he couldn’t dwell on the status of his audience.

All that matter was that he had an audience.

But then he turned his head, watching you walk out of the dressing room. 

And not in the white rabbit costume.

You’re still wearing those ears – thank god, because the seamstress wasn’t cheap – pushing back your hair, which was styled in soft ringlets. The blazer you were wearing was tight and he wasn’t sure if there was anything underneath, but he didn’t seem to care all that much when your chest looked that good, that inviting, and it was a shame that you weren’t dressed just for him. His eyes dragged down to the matching shorts, paired with frilly white socks that went up to your knees and heels in the same color. He swallowed hard, tempted to ask you to change, and yet … he couldn’t bring himself to speak. He feared drool would seep out of his mouth if he even opened it.

This wasn’t what he asked for at all … but dear god, if you didn’t look good than he’d be a liar.

The curtain opened, and the night would’ve gotten off without a hitch, if your nerves didn’t get the best of you. Only two tricks in, you were making mistakes. You didn’t stack his deck correctly before the show, leading his card trick to falter in front of someone he picked in the audience. The person hardly noticed though, staring at him as if he could see right through Joshua, and the magician simply kept the show going. But then, like clockwork, you damn near forgot to pull the trap door at the right time, almost ruining his disappearing act for the tenth time this week. And the crowd was still hardly reacting, as if this routine was stale, as if they’d seen someone do it over the past 100 years or so.

The worst offense was during the handcuffing act – one of the last pieces of the performance. There was no room to get it wrong, and they only way they wouldn’t notice was if they were dead. The trick had started off perfect: he twirled you around so your back faced the audience, clicking the handcuffs in place. His eyes lingered, only for a moment, on how your shorts fit perfectly to the curve of your ass, that hint of a cheek underneath the hem. He couldn’t get distracted – that was how a trick failed – but he was already feeling his cock stir in his trousers. He swallowed hard and resumed the act, showing the ghostly audience the handcuffs, and you pretended like you were trapped. 

If he wasn’t hard then, Jesus Christ –

No distractions.

You realized you had failed to set the gimmick handcuffs correctly, twisting them a certain way on your wrist so you couldn’t reach the shim quickly. When it came time for you to escape, Joshua snapped his hands and you panicked. You glanced at him from over your shoulder with this nervous look in your eyes that shouldn’t have been arousing, but it seemed in this position, he found everything you did a little suggestive. 

He had to come up with a solution quick, one that would distract the audience for enough time while he released the cuffs. The last thing you expected was for him to suggest a kiss.

A fucking kiss.

But you agreed to it immediately, and you weren’t sure if it was to escape his wrath later or maybe – just maybe – you kind of wanted him to. Like you’d been imagining this almost every night while you touched yourself. He was leaning in now, his breath fanning your face, and for a mere instant, you thought you were going to get everything you wanted. His mouth ghosted over yours, hardly pressing his lips to yours, but just enough for the audience to believe. Even you forgot about them, because it felt like time had stopped and Joshua was going to kiss you. Really kiss you. 

It was a farce though. Of course. In that split second he had you pinned, your head twisted over your shoulder with his top lip grazing your bottom, he was able to lift his hand slightly to get to the shim, press down, and the cuffs fell to the floor as a puff of smoke exploded from below the stage. He leaned back, and your eyes followed his tongue as he licked his lips.

You were freed, and this was the first time during the entire act that the crowd showed any emotion. But you couldn’t stop wishing that you had been trapped just a little bit longer, just enough to taste him.

After the show ended and the crowd filed out, you two were finally alone, left to pick up all the props that were thrown around like confetti. The menagerie was still teeming, even though it was nearly midnight. Children were laughing. Parents could be heard running after them. Teenagers were screaming after one of Seokmin’s jump scares. But all of that seemed so subdued as you cleaned up the tent for tomorrow’s show.

Joshua kept to himself, throwing all the props in a bin and setting up the furniture in the marked areas for tomorrow. You expected to get a mouthful from him for messing up almost half the performance, but he seemed … changed. Especially after the kiss, or whatever you wanted to call it.

Setting your gloves on the stage table, you ran a hand through the ends of your hair and muttered, “If it’s alright with you, I’m gonna head home. Beauty sleep and all that jazz.”

He turned, opening his mouth to agree, but then he lifted his finger to point at you. “Actually …”

Your eyes lifted to his as you spun on the tip of your heel. 

“We should go through that handcuff act again.”

You raised a brow suspiciously.

Joshua lifted his hands in surrender, a smile playing at his lips. The kind you had never seen on him before. “Not a punishment, Bunny.”

Your teeth clicked, and then you said, “Okay,” so nonchalantly he almost didn’t recognize you. The stubbornness faded, replaced with a softer side. You picked up the gimmick cuffs and walked over to him, holding them out. That smile of his hadn’t faltered, not even when he said, “I think we should try something different. I want to show you how I do it for next time.”

Before you could question him, he was pulling out a folding chair to the middle of the stage. He sat down, put his hands behind his back, and then looked at you watching in silence. “Well?” He said expectantly. “Are you just going to stand there and look pretty, or are you going to handcuff me?”

Just that one sentence made you so horny that you almost didn’t hear him call you pretty.

Stop being such a pervert, your conscience chided. Focus on the trick.

You nodded, getting closer and sinking to your knees behind the chair. The power switch was jarring, making you fumble with the cuffs as you slipped them on. Your hands were sweaty, and his wrists were hairier than you assumed. You wondered where else he was hairy – nope. Your head shook, concentrating on the task at hand, and locked the other cuff in place.

“Do you see where the shim is?” He asked, peeking just over his shoulder at you. “That should be twisted more towards the inner wrist, so your thumb can get to it.”

You did as he said, and then added, “It sometimes gets stuck though. Even you said that these cuffs are old.”

“I should invest in a new pair,” he muttered under his breath, flicking the shim. “Yeah, you’re right. I think there might be some rust here too that’s making it stick.”

You sat there, staring off into space, as his thumb swiped at the metal wedge from different directions. There shouldn’t be anything arousing about this, and yet …

“Got it,” he smirked as his thumb caught on the shim, but then your hand closed around his wrist. You felt his pulse jump as you twisted the cuff back around where he couldn’t reach the release.

“Wait,” you murmured, your own heartbeat thrumming as you circled around him, stopping in front. He looked up at you, his irises dark and eclipsed by his pupils. His back was slumped against the chair, his legs spread, and when your eyes finally flicked down, you gulped at the sight of the prominent bulge in his pristine black pants.

“I …” You stumbled over your words, your mouth suddenly feeling too dry. Your hands balled into fists and you fought the urge to just release him, to be on your way and head back home to your apartment. But he was looking at you like you held his life in your hands, and maybe you actually did. “Why did … why did you almost kiss me?”

His brow raised so high that his forehead wrinkled. “That’s what you want to know? You could’ve asked anything right now.” He exhaled, his casualness infuriating you even more. “If you help unlock the cuffs, I’ll tell you. How’s that, Bunny?”

“Absolutely not. You won’t answer me then.”

That ghost of a smile appeared on his lips again. “Okay, you know me too well now.” Joshua shook his head, adjusting his posture in hopes that would relieve some tension in his groin, but to no avail. He huffed in annoyance, and you weren’t sure if that lewd gesture made the candles flicker on or if he was made of magic himself. His gaze locked onto yours, noticing the droplet of sweat running down the side of your neck. “Because I wanted to. Because I needed to distract the crowd. Because I was so pissed off at you for ruining the act that the only way I could let out my frustration was through that, even though I held myself back.”

His words hit you like a train, like a car crash – sudden and beautiful, unable to turn away. It took you too long before you felt the sweat; your hand smacking onto your neck to wipe it away, hard enough to leave a mark. You knew it, he knew it, and it made him want to see what marks he could give you. Enough for people to know who you belonged to, who you had admired for so long, who’s cock your throat had molded to.

Your chin lifted as that fire returned to your eyes. “That’s a surprise. I can’t see you ever holding back.”

Joshua grinned, fingers twitching as he cornered you right where he wanted you. He was the one cuffed right now, but you were suddenly trapped. He shrugged indifferently. “Get these off and I’ll show you more, Bunny.”

Everything in your body was telling you, NO. This was a bad idea. You didn’t need to see more. You needed to uncuff him and go home to your warm bed and vibrator hiding under your pillow. But your hands unfurled and you were moving towards him, transfixed. He couldn’t be hypnotizing you, right? He didn’t have his signature pocket watch out; you’d studied his performances more than your own homework all those years ago. So why were you striding behind him, unlocking the cuffs, as if you didn’t have a mind of your own?

You stood as he did, swallowing hard and feeling the heat of the candles flicker around you. His height was overwhelming, veiling you, and you let him place his hands on your shoulders before shuffling you over to the table where the remnants of his costume lay. His old top hat with the rips in the fabric, the coat stained from years of wear – he shoved them off the surface as he sat you on the edge of the table, back straight.

His hand was slow, reverent, while pulling both your wrists behind your back. You felt your breath quicken when he locked the cuffs, trying to feel for the wedge, but – surprise, he duped you too. 

You were acutely aware that this wasn’t just practice anymore.

Gaze towards the empty seats, you whispered, “You’ve been looking at me differently since the costume fitting.”

“Have I?”

Your brow furrowed, and you felt his warm breath near your neck. “You talk to me like I’m this little bunny for you to play with. I’m your apprentice and I just want you to teach me.” You turned your head slightly when you felt his fingertips slightly brushing your shoulder, leaving goosebumps. “But I feel like having me in this situation with my hands cuffed behind my back is all you’ve been thinking about for weeks.”

His shoes clicked as he rounded the table, sending you a smirk. “Am I really that transparent, Bunny?”

He was in front of you now, bracing his hands on the edge of the table, bending down to be at your eye level. Your gaze didn’t waver from his, not even when he slowly slid a hand between your legs, opening them a little bit more. You swallowed, and he noticed. His palm moved further, gliding up your inner thigh, and then he felt it. The heat emanating from your core, so hot that he could feel it through your shorts. Your chest heaved and sweat slipped down your neck and into the deep, exposed neckline. There really was nothing underneath that blazer except skin you were practically begging him to touch.

His eyes flickered up to yours. “Something tells me you’ve been thinking about this too.”

You held your chin up high.

“I’ve been thinking about more than just this,” he confessed, tilting his head to the side. “Will you let me show you?”

A beat of hesitation passed. The silence felt thick and heavy. For a moment, he thought you were going to push him away, call him a creep despite how clearly wet you were, how dilated your pupils were.

But then you started to slowly nod your head, unable to think about anything besides the wet spot forming in your panties.

He confirmed with a curt nod of his head, and then walked towards his bin of props, pulling out a red, satin sash. Once he was in front of you again, he held it out, indicating that he was going to blindfold you. Bile rose in your throat, but your swallowed it down, feeling your core pulse between your legs. You nodded, and he methodically wrapped the satin around your head, obstructing your vision. 

Everything was dark, but you felt him … everywhere. He laid you back down on the table, your spine hitting the velvet runner. He pushed the rest of the props off the surface before his hands were on your thighs again, opening you up to him. Your chest rose and fell rapidly, your breasts practically straining against the fabric. You felt his thumb flick at one of the buttons on your blazer that was just barely holding it together.

“I’m going to take these off now,” he said, as if he were conducting something much more serious. His thumb popped another button open and revealed more of you. “Okay?”

“Okay,” you agreed. “Anything to get these stupid ears off.”

His hand paused, and suddenly you felt his mouth at your ear. Your hands twitched in the cuffs. “Who said anything about the ears?”

Her breath stilled at his words. He opened the front of the blazer, taking in the sight of your exposed chest. The cold air hit your nipples just right, turning them to pebbles and you squirmed. You had the most perfect breasts he’d ever seen – soft and warm. It felt like a crime if he didn’t palm one, just to feel the weight in his hand, to watch you gasp at the sudden touch. He threw off your heels, hesitated, and then decided to keep those knee-high socks on you. After unbuttoning your shorts, he slid them down, leaving you in nothing but your soiled panties and white rabbit ears. You had worn a lacy pair – blue, his favorite color – your wetness soaking through the thin fabric. 

You were completely exposed to him, to the world. Your eyes were completely blindfolded but it felt like you were being watched by more than just him. And somehow … the possibility of that made you even more aroused.

Joshua had to fight the urge to fuck you right there. To have you like this … bare and laid out before him like a feast … it felt like a dream come true. He could do whatever he wanted to you. Have you however he pleased. He could fuck you without waiting for you to cum and tell you to be on your merry way.

He could have all of that, and yet …

Joshua inhaled the scent of your arousal. No, he needed to make you fall apart before you got to feel even an inch of his cock.

He leaned over you, one hand gripping the edge of the table, while the other slipped in between your legs again. Pushing your panties to the side, he skimmed two fingers down your slit, feeling the slick gather. He moved his head down, licking a stripe up your torso, from your belly button to the valley between your breasts. “So fucking wet already,” he clicked his tongue, fingers pushing open your folds, playing you like an instrument. “How long have you been thinking about this, Bunny?” He asked before swirling his tongue around one nipple.

All you could do was let out a whine. Your back arched, pushing your breast more into his mouth, and he smiled. 

“Seems like a while,” he chuckled, fingers finding your clit and rubbing calculated circles. “What? Have you been going home after each practice and touching yourself? You act so tough, getting all angry when I call you, Bunny. Bet you masturbate while thinking about me saying that, huh?”

You sighed, nodding. Shame had vanished from your vocabulary. With his fingers playing with you like this, you’d tell him whatever he wanted to know. 

The cuffs on your wrists were starting to feel like a punishment. You could go without sight, but not being able to feel him, to rake your fingers through his carefully styled hair … that was pure torture. Your hands flexed, wanting to touch, but he wasn’t going to relent. This was part of the trick, after all.

He shoved two fingers inside you without warning, and your hips bucked. You felt him laugh against your skin. The hair on your arms stood up, and then his lips were at your ear again, fingers pumping in and out of you. “I’ve been thinking about doing this to you on stage for weeks,” he confessed, nipping at your earlobe. You moaned, finally understanding just how far those long fingers of his could reach. “Every time I saw you in this costume, every time you rebelled … it just made me want this more.”

His fingers pulled out of you, and you whined with desperation. You couldn’t see it, but you could hear him lapping at his fingers – loudly. “Perfect fucking pussy,” he muttered under his breath before plunging those fingers back inside you, now wet with his saliva. You mewled, so desperate for more – moremoremore. He pressed down on your clit and it felt like a dam was about to break. The cuffs were your enemy now, preventing you from clinging onto him as he finger fucked you into oblivion.

You moaned, “Joshua –”

“Call me Nocturne,” he interrupted. “That’s an order.”

“Nocturne.”

You sounded utterly pornographic, making him ache even more in his pants. He wanted to at least take his cock out, anything to relieve the tension, but he was dedicated to seeing the way you broke for him, the way your mouth formed when you came. 

Joshua added a third finger, stretching you more, and he felt your walls clamp down on him. He swirled his tongue around both nipples again and tasted the sweat on your skin. You were writhing now, needing to touch him, but this was all part of rehearsal. If you both didn’t follow the rules, you would learn nothing. And all he wanted to do was teach you … well, everything. He could turn you into the best magician possible. He could teach you everything about pleasure, make you cum like no one else ever had. He could show you a world you never thought possible. He wanted to be the one you looked to for every piece of guidance, no matter what it was.

All you needed to do in return was obey.

Your voice was hardly distinguishable as you whined, “Josh – Nocturne, I’m gonna –”

He pressed down on your clit. Hard. “Did I tell you that you could cum, Bunny?”

“I – no –”

“Then you can’t yet.” He punctuated his point by fucking those three fingers back inside of you, curling them in a way that made your hips jump. You were so wet that he could probably just slide in if he wanted to. “We’re practicing. You don’t want to make a mistake and have me start over, right?”

You choked out, “Nocturne –”

“Right?”

“Yes.”

You hardly recognized your own voice anymore. 

“Good girl,” he said, hand coming up to suddenly cradle your chin. His fingers were were slick and sloppy, filling the tent with the most lewd sounds he’d ever heard. “If you stop fighting against the cuffs, I’ll let you cum. Sound good, Bunny?”

You nodded in defeat. Your arms went limp, attempting to stay still as his thumb flicked your clit, his digits moving so fast that you thought almost wet yourself. God, you thought, please don’t let the first time I squirt be in this moment. You felt him lick up your neck before nipping at your jaw, his fingers reaching so deep inside. He put heavy pressure on your g-spot, so hard that you had no excuse but to cum. His laugh was breathy and obscene as he said, “C’mon now, Bunny.”

All you could do was break.

Your whole body shuddered, feeling a rush of liquid, cumming for what felt like forever. Whimpering his name, Joshua couldn’t help but grind his aching erection against your thigh, wring the most desperate noises from you. A puddle was forming underneath your ass and staining the velvet throw on the table. Your release was warm and explosive, coating his entire hand. It felt like letting go of a burden, of the tension that you held back from him for so long. The release was volatile, sticky, and only for Joshua to taste.

He yanked his fingers from your dripping heat, and that’s when you both realized.

Joshua lapped at his fingers, noting how it was a mixture of sweet and salty, before bending down to your mouth. He captured your lips in a searing kiss, letting you taste yourself.  The way he kissed you was greedy. Almost possessive. His tongue practically mimicked what his fingers had just done to you moments ago, and your hand twitched in the cuffs again, desperate to feel him, anything. His mouth was hot and you were surprised at the taste, how sweet you were between your legs. You felt the puddle beneath you already drying up, and your whole body froze.

He leaned back and took in your flushed cheeks. “I think I should’ve kissed you like that much earlier,” he muttered, flicking away the string of spit connecting your mouths. “Has anyone made you squirt like that before?”

“Oh, my god,” you exclaimed, doing your best to sit up. “This is so fucking embarrassing. I’ve never – not before –”

Joshua’s palm pushed you back down on the table. “You can’t run away now, Bunny,” he chuckled. “I haven’t had my fill yet.”

You swallowed, your skin prickling with panic. Even so … you couldn’t deny that this was making you wet all over again. Arousal gathered, mixing with your intense release. The way he smiled was almost evil as he took in the sight of your puffy lips, the panties still clinging and soaked through.

He flipped you over, bending you over the table now, before you could even blink. Your arms burned as he yanked you over the edge by your handcuffs. They were still so out of reach. You couldn’t get out of this even if you tried, but it wasn’t like you actually wanted that. The rabbit ears started to make a soft throb emerge in your temples. Gradually, he peeled your panties down, stuffing them in his back pocket as a souvenir. His fingers brushed down your spine, the way your ass arched over the table edge, and you shivered.

“Tell me,” he said, his lips at your ear and causing you to gasp, “do you want to be bred like a rabbit too?”

Your head swung behind you, as if that could help you see him with the blindfold still over your eyes. His fingers played with your swollen lips between your legs, leaning over you and whispering in your other ear, “Do you want this pretty pussy stuffed full of my cock?”

Head falling, you pressed your cheek against the table when you felt him slide two fingers inside your tight channel again. You pushed back on his hand, begging for more. Moans slipped past your lips like a unintelligible babble. 

“Use your words, Bunny.”

You breathed out, “Yes.”

“Yes, what?” He crooked his fingers inside you.

“Yes, I want to be bred like a rabbit.”

His digits slipped out of you so easily before he slapped your pussy, and your hips jumped. “Good girl.”

You heard the clink of his belt, the way his slacks fell straight to the floor of the stage. Your legs parted more, presenting yourself on full display. Your pussy was like magic – all consuming and addictive – and he watched the slick run down your thighs as he pumped his cock a few times. Aligning himself at your entrance, he paused to run a finger along the edge of your cuffs.

“Nocturne,” you practically pleaded, “when are you going to –”

He plunged inside of you, tugging at the chain between your cuffs as leverage. You felt the burn of him stretching you almost immediately. No amount of lubrication could prepare you for this. He was deep – painfully deep – and you realized then that he was stalling to allow your pussy to mold to the shape of his cock, big and long and intense. 

“That what you wanted, Bunny?” He asked, mouth at your ear again.

You nodded, cheek rubbing against the table. “Y–Yes,” you swallowed, “Nocturne.”

His chuckle vibrated against your neck, his breath boiling hot. He pulled all the way out, watching your essence still cling to him, and he muttered, “I’m going to fucking ruin you.”

He slammed back inside, making you cry out. “I’m going to ruin you for anyone else.” Another thrust. “Until you forget your own name.” And another thrust. “Until you never get a trick wrong again.”

When he shoved himself back inside this time, the sound was lewd and wet, like the loudest squelch you ever heard. You were so wet that his shaft was practically coated in you. You were more than full of him; you were fucking stuffed with his cock. He jerked on those cuffs again, making your head lift from the table. “Would you like that, Bunny?” He nibbled on your ear, and you huffed at the fullness inside of you. “You want to be fucked so hard that no one will compare to way your favorite magician fucks you?”

“Yes,” your voice was unrecognizable, almost a scream of desperation. “Please, Nocturne.”

Joshua wrapped an arm around your middle, pulling you almost flush against his chest. He fucked into you even harder this time, even faster, making sure every inch was buried deep inside you with each thrust. Sweat dribbled down his collarbone and into his shirt. His breath fanned the back of your neck, his balls slapping against your ass. You weren’t sure when, but his thrusts were so harsh that your rabbit ears clattered onto the ground. It didn’t matter to him, not when he was balls deep inside you and you were gripping him like a fucking vice.

He felt the world close in on him as your walls clamped down on his cock. The mewl you let out told him that he found your g-spot, and he ground against it like it was his job. Candles flickered in and out, and Joshua was almost certain that he felt a million eyes on him in that moment. No one was there besides you two, but he sensed them, heard them. Was that Seungkwan’s voice, or just a myriad of voices that sounded so similar to his?

He needed to focus – he was so close and so were you – but he felt spirits surrounding him. Possessing him. The voices mingled with your shared moans, mocking both of you while telling him that if he could claim you, he’d never have to worry about making ends meet. He’d have a forever home at the Midnight Menagerie. His home was here, with you, inside you, wherever you wanted him. He could have it all and more, as long as he claimed his sweet rabbit apprentice. 

Was it possible that he sold his soul after all?

His balls drew up as his hand on your stomach snaked down, slipping between your legs and rubbing rough circles on your clit. You broke almost immediately, somehow harder than before. Your legs shook and you cried out his name like an incantation, your orgasm brutal and nearly violent. You pushed back on him, letting him sheath himself so far that he had no choice but to spill his load inside you. He groaned, biting into your shoulder, as the spirits cheered him on. It felt like they were plunging into his heart, reminding him he could never leave. He was with them forever. He was with you forever.

His apprentice. His white rabbit.

As he collapsed and heaved against your neck, he almost considered never pulling out. If he pulled out, he’d never lose this warmth, his home. But he did it anyways, adjusting his posture and watching the mix of your releases ooze down your thighs. It was almost hypnotic. He wondered if he could bottle it, use it on stage for one of his tricks. He liked the idea of having a constant reminder of what you two created. How he was going to claim you every night for years to come. And that brought a smile to his lips.

Joshua pulled you up, sitting you on the edge of the table. The velvet runner was stained and halfway off the surface. Your rabbit ears had fallen somewhere on the stage. The gimmick handcuffs were twisted enough where you probably could’ve gotten out of them if you tried, but you didn’t. He removed them easily before untying the blindfold from your face, and you blinked at the bright spotlight shining down on you. Your eyes adjusted, and Joshua pulled up his trousers, tucking his soft cock back in his boxers. His button-up was stained and wrinkled, but his satisfied expression told you that he didn’t care.

And then, out of nowhere, you blurted, “I promise to never get the act wrong again.” Your gaze went to your fidgeting hands, where you traced the faint indent on your wrist from the cuffs, and you lifted your head again. “Are … are there any other tricks you want to show me?”

Joshua smirked, knowing he had you right where he always wanted you. 

Forever, said the spirits.

When you glance up, you find Wonwoo looming in the doorway, his presence calm and silent like he always is as he brushes bits of snow off his dark coat. However, you can’t help but also detect the signs of exhaustion to his features. Like a certain dull ache not even the dim lighting in the room can mask away. When he catches sight of you𑁋half-buried under the duvet and peering up at him with the softest, yet worried pair of eyes𑁋his shoulders drop immediately.

You set aside the datapad on the bedside table, straightening up your posture. “Hey.”

Wonwoo doesn’t answer at first. He just… looks at you, with an unreadable, lingering gaze. You watch as he wordlessly sheds off his coat and gloves, the ends of his black turtleneck riding up slightly when he stretches. Your stomach jumps when you spot the smallest hint of skin and taut muscle, but it leaves as quickly as it appears. 

“You’re still awake,” he finally says, voice low and roughened just around the edges. Probably from after all those hours spent in the operating room.

There isn’t any judgment from his words, merely just a calm, quiet acknowledgment. He knows how much protecting the city means a lot to you, but he also notices𑁋always notices𑁋just how much you neglect yourself in the process. How exhausted you are after resonating to help battle with Wanderers. How your breathing stutters against him as you sleep like you’re fighting in your dreams. How often you always forget that you, too, are also as fragile just like everybody else. 

Wonwoo tugs at the ends of his shirt, pausing for a moment as if he’s contemplating taking it off. He glances at you swiftly, a flicker of something close to hesitation behind his eyes. Not just whether he’s welcome, but whether you need him closer.

So, you silently shift and lift up the edge of the covers in quiet invitation. You keep your gaze steady on his.

Wonwoo doesn’t say anything more after that.

He takes off his dainty glasses and sets it to the side, before lifting the shirt up over his head with deliberate ease, fully revealing skin that’s been kissed by surgical light and toned arms painted with scars caused by his Ice Evol and from previous battles with Wanderers. It’s beautiful𑁋he’s beautiful, and you find your gaze lingering longer than it should.

He notices, of course. But he doesn’t smirk or tease. Instead, he watches you closely while approaching the bed, climbing on before settling quite literally on top of you. One of his legs slots in between yours as he shifts himself so his weight isn’t fully on you. Then his head lowers to your chest, right where your heart is, and you feel his hands wandering underneath your shirt. Not to start anything, but just to touch you. 

You wrap your arms around him to bring him closer, fingertips slowly grazing over the ridges of his spine. He exhales heavily from your touch𑁋a soft and long sound as if he’s been holding it the entire day and finally has the chance to breathe. 

“You’re warm,” Wonwoo mutters against your skin, lips dangerously close to your sternum. “Always are.”

“And you’re always cold,” You retort back playfully, flinching slightly as his fingers roam over your ribcage. You swear you can hear the subtle smirk on his face without having to see it. “Long day?”

Wonwoo just hums in response, nuzzling his face closer into your neck.

“Too long,” he finally admits. “Three Wanderer injuries. Two were kids.”

Your heart spikes at that. “Oh, Wonwoo…”

“They’re okay now,” he says quietly. “That’s all that matters.”

“Still,” You continue while absentmindedly tracing circles over his back muscles. “I hate that you had to see that.”

Wonwoo smiles faintly against your skin. “Says the hunter herself. I worry about you too. A lot. You think I don’t see it?”

Your head falls in slight guilt. “I’m that obvious, huh?”

“It’s hard to not notice,” he affirms. “Which is why I always come back to you. To take care of you.”

His arms curl tighter around you like he’s trying to mold his body in yours. You don’t notice that your shirt has ridden up dangerously right below your chest, your abdomen tensing when you feel his lips press there.

He doesn’t stop. Another kiss follows. Then another. And another. Wonwoo tilts his head slightly, nudging the hem of your shirt up just a little more with the bridge of his nose to litter sweet and gentle kisses over your ribcage. A hum of satisfaction escapes his mouth when he hears that particular sigh that leaves you whenever he’s patient with you. 

“Can feel you relaxing, love,” he murmurs, his thumb drawing over that sensitive strip of skin under your breast. “And your heart rate slowing. But it spikes whenever I…”

His thumb drags a little higher, teasing underneath your shirt, and it’s so damn slow it has goosebumps forming in its wake. 

“...touch you here, isn’t that right?” he asks even if he already knows the answer, eyes half-lidded when he looks up to meet your gaze, drinking in every detail of your reaction like you’re the most important thing he’s ever touched in all of his lifetimes. 

The duvet slips even farther down the bed as he continues to drag his lips over your skin. You can feel the world start to slip away from you, from both of you𑁋just two tired bodies needing to take care of this ache. To find peace within the warzone of a world you frequently find yourselves in. 

When Wonwoo pulls away and brings himself up, his hands linger at the hem of your shirt. You could only part your lips, giving a wordless nod to him that it’s okay to keep going. The corners of his mouth lift up in the softest, most intimate smile, yet his eyes are dark and full of want, need.  

You lift your arms so he could pull the shirt off you, discarding it somewhere on the bedroom floor. You’re not wearing anything underneath, and you hear the exact moment his breath hitches when his gaze envelops you. 

Wonwoo finds himself frozen. His eyes roam over your exposed chest. He’s seen you bare for him many times before, has worshipped every inch of you with his mouth. He knows your body like the lines on the back of his hand, and each time always takes his breath away. 

He leans down, trailing his kisses from your mouth, to your jaw, before leading them down your neck, and right in between your breasts, your body arching after every kiss he leaves. He shifts shifts closer to you, slotting his thigh more snug in between your legs, his hands ghosting down your sides with the caress of a feather. 

“I want you to melt for me tonight,” Wonwoo whispers heatedly against your skin. “Will you do that for me, sweetheart?”

You can hardly manage any words out, only giving him a nod once again. 

“Say it, love,” he encourages gently. “Use your words for me.”

You take in a deep breath, carding your hand through his hair. “Yes, Wonwoo. I… I need you. Please.” 

He reaches to grab your hand into his, closing his eyes and pressing a few grateful kisses to your knuckle. 

“Good girl.”

The moment his mouth reaches your breast, you swear the world tilts upside down. He starts with a kiss, before dragging his tongue across your skin with enough pressure to make your toes curl under the duvet. Your hand tugs lightly on his hair like instinct as his mouth closes around your hardened nipple, sucking gently, then with just enough pull to make you gasp. 

“Oh𑁋Wonwoo𑁋” 

The pleased groan that leaves him lights your skin aflame. He doesn’t rush this at all. Wonwoo never rushes when it comes to you. You feel the burdens melting away like snow from the warmth of his worship. He ravishes your left breast with the utmost attention, cradling the other with his free hand and teasing the peak. Then he slowly switches to your right one, and adores it the same way. 

Heat blooms down your belly, your legs clenching around his thigh to ease the ache that’s building up too fast. Wonwoo feels it. Feels the subtle roll of your hips around his leg, hears the way your sighs blend into quiet moans, loves the way your body naturally finds his𑁋and how he is the only man to cherish the privilege of watching you come undone. 

His hand drifts downward, slipping below the curve of your waist, the dip of your hip, then lower until he cups the soaked heat of you through your panties. 

“Needy girl tonight, aren’t we?” Wonwoo rasps darkly. “Do you want my fingers, my love?”

You nod without hesitation, already bucking your hips against his hand, practically saying I want you. I want everything. 

Wonwoo doesn’t make you wait after that. 

In a swift move, he dips his hand below the waistband, the tips of his fingers grazing against your bare heat. A shaky gasp leaves you at the contact. 

His own heart flutters at the sound as he softly caresses through your slickness. It’s enough to make him pause and for his eyes to flutter shut, just for the briefest second to take in how soaked you are for him, how your body is practically begging for him. 

Wonwoo kisses your neck as he explores through your folds, running a slender finger over your slit. Then his forehead falls right above your breast, taking in a breath and exhaling slowly, as he continues to explore you thoroughly. Your head falls back onto the pillow, lips parted in pleasure, your heavy sighs fading into deep moans. 

When you feel a second singer enter inside of you, your hips jolt against his hand, searching for more of him. 

“That’s it, beautiful,” he groans roughly against the swell of your breast, hot breath hitting your skin. “Good girl. Let me in, just like that…” 

When his fingers sink deeper within you, your thighs start to tremble around his hips. You’re already close and he’s hardly even started. Every whimper that leaves you is like music that only he gets to listen to. Every beautiful twist in your expression is like a language he’ll never get tired of learning over and over again. 

Wonwoo lifts his head from your chest to watch you properly, his dark hair messy from your hands, lips swollen from kissing your skin, pupils blown wide with love and desire he’s been trying to restrain. 

“You always take my fingers so well,” he murmurs. “Squeezing me so fucking tightly… so desperate to cum…”

Your walls pulse around the praise, and it makes his jaw flex.

“You like that?” he whispers quietly, his mouth sucking onto your nipple again before letting it slip free with a low gasp. “You like it when I tell you how good you are for me?” 

You nod frantically, his fingers thrusting deeper and hitting that spot that hazes your vision. “I𑁋fuck𑁋yes, I love it𑁋”

Wonwoo’s free hand begins to glide up your body, right over your waist, your stomach, your ribs, his touch sending goosebumps up and down your hot skin. Then it settles around your throat. Not aggressive or rough, just holding. Feeling. His thumb softly strokes the underside of your jaw as he leans in, lips caressing over yours without kissing yet.

“Look at me,” he demands.

You try𑁋as in, you really, really try𑁋yet it’s so hard to hold eye contact with the all the pleasure threatening to spill out of you.

He gives your throat a subtle squeeze and tilts your face back to him. “Keep your eyes on me, sweetheart. Don’t run from it.”

When you’re able to force your gaze back up, he presses a deep, lingering kiss to your mouth before resting his forehead against yours. His breath is shaky, a trembling sound when it meets your lips. Your slick warmth coils around him tightly as his fingers continue its deep, devastating thrusts inside of you. 

You’re right at the edge, and he’s about to push you into those flames. 

The room fills with the sounds of your gasps, broken moans, and the unabashed slickness of your cunt being pleasured by his hand. Wonwoo continues to kiss you every few seconds as if he can’t fathom the thought of being even a millimetre away from you. Your nails dig deeper into his shoulder, desperate to hold something onto as your body chases for that sinful, sweet release. 

His lips brush over your cheek, then to your mouth, then your throat, before finally whispering right into your ear:

“Cum for me.”

And your body obeys without hesitation. 

Your back arches off the bed, your mouth falling open with a cry of his name falling off your lips as your climax hits you like a wave. The tips of your fingers sink deeper into Wonwoo’s skin, clutching him tighter while his hand slowly continues to guide you through every wave of the hot, blinding white pleasure and ecstasy that courses through your body. 

And to him, it’s beautiful. The way you come undone in his arms is beautiful. So, so breathtakingly beautiful. 

“Atta girl,” Wonwoo breathes into your neck, drawing you closer to him. “You’re always so… angelic when you fall apart.”

Even with your breathing beginning to subside, you’re still trembling a little, thighs still shaking around his hand. You feel the soft brush of his nose against your cheek, then the soothing press of lips to your warm skin. When he finally pulls back to look at you, his expression is soft, adoring, though a dark glint passes through his pupils like a shooting star, the corners of his mouth curving up into something darkly pleased. 

You can tell there’s some residual desire there. It’s almost hypnotic. 

Slowly, Wonwoo withdraws his fingers from you, making you whimper quietly from the loss and sensitivity.

“Shh, you’re okay,” he coos reassuringly. “You’re okay. I’m here.”

You barely manage a nod as he lifts his hand back up. Heat blooms through you once more when you catch the faint sheen of your slickness that coats his fingers. Then there’s a brief moment𑁋almost as quick as a heartbeat𑁋where you watch his face shift into something contemplative, like he’s considering something.

The next thing you know, he’s bringing his hand towards you. It’s an offer, or a gift, perhaps. 

“Open your mouth.”

You do. Your lips part for him as he slips his fingers into your mouth, letting you taste yourself and the leftover remnants of his touch inside of you. Wonwoo watches you with silent intensity, his jaw tightening, body tensing, a sharp inhale escaping out of him that he doesn’t even quite catch himself. 

Snow continues to blanket the world outside. The thought of Wanderers has completely ceased to exist at this point. Right now, it’s just you and Wonwoo. 

When he eventually eases his fingers out, his thumb brushes over your bottom lip. He leans in once more for a deep kiss, as if he’s craving to taste whatever is left of you too. 

“How are you feeling?” he asks breathlessly.

You still feel like you’re floating somewhere halfway between bliss and sleep. But Wonwoo’s eyes𑁋God, his eyes𑁋has you stuck in a trance. A spell that he can cast again and again and it still won’t be enough. 

You shift purposely in his hold, thighs brushing against the hardness in his pants. He lets out a low groan at the contact. 

“I can take a little more,” You tell him.

And that’s all it takes.

“hey, you wanna get drinks tonight?”

as usual, that’s how it starts.

you probably should have said no. you’d played this game before. you knew exactly what hansol meant when he offered to hang out after band practice, because it was never just “hanging out”.

you don’t even know why you still go to practices anymore. for a long time you’d avoided them; it wasn’t really your style, and you were never interested in being a groupie for their local gigs. your roommate seungcheol always invited you to every practice and every time you declined with the excuse of homework or other plans, but cheol finally convinced you to come just one time.

at first, it had been because he wanted you to hear a new song they were working on and he’d wanted to know how you liked it before they played it at an upcoming show. but then he’d introduced you to the rest of his bandmates, and after that there was no going back.

you couldn’t help the way your eyes always gravitated towards hansol, who insisted that you call him his real name instead of his stage name that everyone else called him. from the very first practice, you were captivated by him: the way his long fingers seem to dance along the neck of his guitar so effortlessly, the way his voice rasps when he sings, the way your breath catches in your throat when he grips the microphone stand and rolls his head back, lips parted in ecstasy.

he’s addictive, and it’s exactly the reason why you find yourself in the backseat of his car over and over again.

every time, it was easy to pretend that things would be different. you’d walk into the bar together and sit at the table in the back, order a few drinks, chat for a while about nothing. did you like the new stuff we played tonight? yeah, i know cheol is really excited to perform it saturday. you been doing any writing lately? mmm, a little. i’ve been feeling inspired. we could go back to my place and i could show you. except he never does.

hansol wasn’t a bad guy. he always paid for your drinks no matter how many times you offered to pick up the tab, he was polite, he listened to what you had to say. he just didn’t want more than that, and that’s where it all fell apart. you’d screw around for a while, then you’d part ways and wouldn’t speak to each other until next week. you never went to see them play shows, he never texted, you never called, never went on a real date besides meeting in the same bar down the street every thursday night after practice.

he seemed fine with that. you weren’t. and yet every time, you ended up back in his arms.

he groans into your mouth, pushing his hips into you and pinning you harder against the faded leather seats of his old honda. his lips are sloppy but eager, messily pressing his mouth into yours as his fingers tangle in the hair at the base of your neck. you can taste the beer and smoke on his breath, but for some reason it doesn’t bother you. maybe you’re used to it, or maybe it’s just because it’s him. you don’t want to know which reason is the truth.

he kisses you until you’re dizzy, and you can’t tell if it’s from the alcohol or from the thrill of kissing him once again. it’s a high you’re convinced you’ll never get tired of, although you’re not quite sure yet if it’s one that he will.

hansol always lets you set the pace, but tonight he can’t seem to keep his hands to himself. both of your shirts met the floor of his car what seems like hours ago, leaving you in just your bra and pants as he makes out with you as if it’s the first and last time he’ll get that chance. his fingers breeze over your waist the same way they breeze over his guitar strings when he plays: careful yet greedy, each touch intentional yet impulsive as he grips your waist.

he drags his fingers higher and it sends a shiver down your spine, arching your hips up against him and rolling your head back against the seat’s headrest. if there’s only one upside to this relationship, it’s that he’s good at this. really good. if he weren’t, then you wouldn’t have spent so many nights letting him fuck you in the parking lot of your shitty local bar. it does something for your confidence knowing that he must feel the same about you, or else he wouldn’t keep inviting you out. at the very least, this arrangement is mutual, even if you wish it wasn’t.

his hips rock against your crotch again, and even through both of your clothes you can feel how hard he is. your mind is clouded, everything’s a haze, and all you can think about is how badly you want him. the warmth of his skin, the gentle scratch of his nails on the back of your neck, his long eyelashes that flutter against your cheek as he kisses you.

you feel your hands slide haphazardly down his bare chest, fumbling over his hips as you tug on the waistband of his jeans. none of it feels graceful, not like the way he handles his music. it’s sloppy, desperate, clumsy, and it’s everything you need right now.

he manages to lean back from you enough to undo his pants and push them down to his knees, but his mouth is back on yours in an instant. somehow you end up on your back across the seats, gazing up at him with slack lips as his thin silver chain dangles over your face. you might not remember a lot of what happens on these nights when you’re with him, but you’ll always remember this moment. him hovering above you with heavily lidded eyes, biting his lip and cursing as he pushes into you, is etched into your mind in a way you simultaneously love and hate. love because it feels so good, hate because it never lasts.

the last half of those nights never stands out in your memory. you remember feeling good, you remember trembling in his arms and gasping and moaning and crying in pleasure, but the images are too fuzzy to make out. you don’t really need to reflect on them anyway; you know he’ll just bring you out next week and do it all over again.

hansol kisses you once more after you’re both finally spent, but the kisses afterwards are always different. more… hesitant, more uncertain. none of the passion and desperation that you’ve come to crave from him. not what you really want.

“i can drive you home,” he offers once he’s finished cleaning you up. for once you think he might genuinely mean it, but you can never be sure enough to take that chance. you want him to drive you home. god, you want him to so bad. to have him come over with you and stay the night, stay another night and another until your apartment isn’t just yours anymore, that’s what you’ve wanted all this time. and it’s what you’ll never have.

“i’ll call an uber,” you answer.

“i’ll wait with you, then.”

the silence that settles over his car is heavy as you climb back into the front passenger seat. you want to tell him to get in the uber with you, stay more than just a couple hours with you in the furthest back corner of the bar parking lot that’s too far to be illuminated by streetlights. you want to argue that he’s too drunk even to drive himself, that he needs to come home with you and sleep it off together in the comfort of your bed, but you know it’s not true and it won’t work. this is a conversation you’ve had many times before. every night you’ve spent with him blurs into the next, always the same. 

sometimes you want to laugh at how naive you are, for thinking he’d eventually come to his senses and realize there’s more to you than a good lay before a gig. sometimes you want to grab him and shake him by the shoulders and tell him to grow the fuck up, give him an ultimatum and make him tell you what he wants from you or else put an end to it all. sometimes you just want to cry, to mourn your wasted time when you’re fully aware it’s never going to lead to something more, no matter how badly you want it and how hard you try.

no matter how many times you get your hopes up, no matter how many times you pray and beg and plead with god and the universe and every other higher power to get him to realize this can’t keep going on the way it is forever, nothing ever changes. you’re never going to stop running to him when he calls, and he’s never going to stop calling.

finally another car pulls into the lot, and you manage to pull yourself out of his car. you hear your name behind you and you stumble, swaying on your feet as he rolls down his window.

maybe this time will be different.

he says his usual goodbyes and goodnights, flashing you a loose grin and a wave as his engine sputters to life, and he asks if you’re planning on coming to practice next week. 

and you find yourself nodding.

you’re left standing there, your head and your heart pounding, watching his headlights fade as he drives away, until you’ve stood there for so long that your ride starts honking and calling for you to get in the car so you can leave.

maybe next time will be different.

this is going to be the last time, you swear.

you exhale as you stand inside the lobby of the venue, repeating the words to yourself. there’s a chill in the air tonight. the wind blows smoke in your direction from the couple standing by the door, abandoned cigarettes clutched between their fingers as they make out sloppily.

you grimace and turn away, studying the faded graffiti and half-ripped posters and advertisements that litter the walls around you. you mean it this time, seriously. the only reason you came tonight was because it’s the last time. a goodbye, of sorts.

you have to admit, you were a little shocked when hansol texted you after your weekly meet-up after practice. not only did he want to make sure you got home safe after you left, but he’d asked if you’d come to their next performance.

you stare down at your phone in your hand, rereading the texts for what feels like the thousandth time in the past few days just to make sure you haven’t imagined them. but no, there they are, bright pixels staring right back up at you from the screen.

hansol: hey just wanted to make sure you made it back home

hansol: btw we’re playing at the phoenix on saturday and i was wondering if you had plans? i wanna see you

hansol: maybe we could get dinner after or somethin if youre down idk

hansol: hoping youll be there

you’d been tempted to refuse him, out of bitterness or resentment or something else, but you can’t say you weren’t shocked by his offer. he’d suggested every once in a while that you should come see them play sometime, but it was always clear to both of you that it was out of small talk rather than genuine interest in you being there. but this time he’d said he wanted you there.

it was nice to feel wanted, for once. maybe you hadn’t been going crazy. maybe things really were different this time.

you glance at your phone once more to check the time before you slip it into your pocket, taking a deep breath as you walk through the second set of doors into the main room. you can hear the deep sound of wonwoo’s drums warming up, but the stage is obscured behind a ratty set of faded red curtains.

there’s still a few minutes before their set, but the room is already crowded with people so you push your way to the side wall near the back. you don’t really want anyone to see you here, anyway. you don’t want anyone to see that your resolve is paper-thin when it comes to hansol.

you hadn’t told him that you were coming tonight, just sending him a vague response and telling him you’d have to see if your schedule is free. even that felt too generous, after the anguish he’s put you through the past few weeks. he doesn’t need to know that you’re here, just like he doesn’t need to know the real reason you’ve been avoiding ever coming to see him play. and it’s not because you always have other plans.

you’re hoping to just watch the performance quietly from the back, then sneak out without ever having to talk to him, and text him later that you’d enjoyed it. you already knew you were going to enjoy it. you’d heard every original song, cover, and riff they’d ever played together, and at this point you could probably recite their setlist by heart. anyone could see that they were talented together, so it isn’t surprising that the venue is packed tonight. honestly, it’d be for the better if you got lost in the crowd and never saw him face to face.

the house lights suddenly fade into darkness and the crowd starts to quiet, the curtains finally pulling back to reveal the band. seungcheol stands in front of a microphone in the center of the stage, with wonwoo in the back at his drum set and mingyu to his left holding a bass guitar. and then, of course, there’s hansol.

you hate the way your gaze immediately lands on him, standing in the same position he always does, with his guitar slung around his neck by a thick red strap. the crowd starts cheering, and distantly you recognize seungcheol’s voice introducing the group, but you can’t make out any of his words.

your mind flashes back to all the nights you’ve spent sitting on a folding chair in mingyu’s garage, watching them laugh and bicker and fool around. it’s different seeing them actually on a stage for once, the metal of their instruments glinting under the harsh, colorful stage lights.

it’s not a large stage by any means, just a few feet higher than the ground and barely wide enough for all four of them to fit. but their presence is captivating, and it makes the dingy local theater seem more special than it really is. but then again, hansol makes everything seem more special than it really is.

seungcheol finishes speaking and the crowd around you lets out whoops and cheers, but you stay silent. your eyes are still stuck on hansol, watching him scan the crowd as he twists the tuning pegs on his guitar.

even from the back of the room, you can tell he’s nervous. his fingers shake just a little, in a way you know they never do because you’ve watched him tune his guitar a thousand times under the dim interior lights in his car. you watch his eyes dart around the room, squinting to see into the crowd before turning his attention back to the fretboard in his hands.

he’s not the most outgoing guy in the world, but at the same time you know he’s not the kind of person to get stage fright. something is different this time. or, maybe it’s not. you’ve never actually seen him play in front of an audience. you don’t know him as well as you think you do, you have to constantly remind yourself every time your mind starts to wander and you let yourself daydream. after all, he doesn’t know anything about you, and he doesn’t seem to care enough to learn. neither should you.

the band opens with a song you’ve heard a thousand times, then another and another, pausing after every few songs to talk to the crowd. time seems to fly by around you, but everything moves in slow motion when you're looking at hansol. you study the way his hair falls in soft brown waves around his face, his head bobbing to the rhythm as he strums his guitar. it's one thing you've always enjoyed about watching him play; he always gets so lost in the music, and it's fascinating to watch. it's clearly on the list of things he's passionate about, and even if you aren't one of those things, at least you get to see him doing something he loves. 

you shake your head, trying to clear your thoughts. you can't let yourself think like that. you're here to end things, not to reminisce. you shouldn't care if he likes music or not, that's not your problem anymore. he's not your problem anymore.

you zone out for a while, trying hard not to think about him but he's the only thing you can focus on. your eyes wander every once in a while, when you hear cheol's raspy voice in the mic or a particularly cool guitar riff from mingyu, but they always end up back at hansol.

they finish playing what you know is their last song, but the crowd is still bursting with electricity. it’s not long before everyone starts to chant, begging for one more song.

“encore?” seungcheol laughs into the mic, and flashes one of his signature dazzling smiles that sends the group of girls standing in front of you into hysterics. he glances over at hansol and nods. “mmm, yeah. i think we can do one more.”

you fold your arms over your chest. now is probably your best chance to leave. it’s not a very big venue, but from the amount of people here it’s obvious that there’ll be chaos once things are over as people start to file out. though most of them will probably be trying to fight their way to the front instead, giving wonwoo their phone numbers written on stained cocktail napkins and asking mingyu to sign their tits. but just as you’re about to start pushing your way back towards the exit, cheol’s deep voice makes you pause.

“we’re gonna play something real special tonight,” he says, making eye contact with hansol again. “something brand new, that we’ve never performed before. you guys wanna be the first to hear it?”

the room erupts into cheers again, and cheol grins. “yeah, i figured. so, i’m gonna let vernon explain this one. take it away, man.”

you stand still, arms crossed and curiosity piqued. maybe you can wait until after the last song. if this is going to be your last hurrah, then you might as well see it through til the end. just this once, and never again.

hansol clears his throat and looks out into the darkened theater. “this song is about a girl i’m in love with,” he starts. that gets a light laugh out of the crowd, a couple whistles and cheers, and he chuckles into the microphone before continuing. the words that have been brewing in your head for weeks seem to instantly melt on your tongue as his voice rings in your ears, echoing through your mind. that’s not you. that’s definitely not you.

“i hope she’s here tonight, but i wouldn’t blame her if she wasn’t. because i think i kind of fucked everything up.” he swallows, his eyes darting back and forth as he scans across the crowd, searching for something. searching for you? “so if she’s out there, i’m sorry. and i know this won’t make up for it, but i hope you like it anyway.”

the crowd cheers again, louder than they have all night, but the noise quickly dies down once hansol begins to play. the lights go dim, and the room fills with a soft melody from his guitar. the sound is unfamiliar, a song you haven’t heard before, and you realize he must’ve been working on it outside of the band’s usual practices. 

even if he isn’t talking about you, the song is beautiful. his guitar seems to sing every note that plays, and you can practically see the air around him shimmering with energy. the rest of the room seems to fade away, the audience that separates you suddenly disappearing. it’s like you’re the only two people around, sitting beside him as he plays just for you. 

he’s done that a few times, played you little snippets on his guitar. you can almost picture it now: it’s always right after he parks outside the bar, before you head inside together. he’ll unzip the case and pull his guitar from the backseat, positioning it on his lap. he comes up with a different reason every time; sometimes he’ll ask if the chords he’s been working on sound good together, sometimes he’ll tell you to listen to see if it needs tuning, sometimes he’ll say he just needs to practice this section a couple more times before giving up for the night and getting shitfaced with you off too many shots.

but you always see right through his flimsy excuses; obviously he’s doing it to show off, to impress you or something. but for the life of you, you’ve never been able to figure out why. why should he care about impressing you, if he doesn’t want to go any further with you?

and suddenly, as you stand in the back of the theater, watching his eyes sparkle under the lights and his fingers breeze over his guitar, looking more focused and frustrated and angry and sad and sorry than you’ve ever seen him look, now you finally have your answer.

you don’t want him to be talking about you. he shouldn’t be talking about you. you almost wish he would just be an asshole to you, give you a good reason to yell at him and cuss him out and tell him to fuck off, but he never does. sure, he’s a little dense to the not-so-subtle hints you’ve been trying to drop, but he’s always been good to you, even if it’s breaking your heart in the process. maybe you’ve been the dense one all along.

the show ends in a blur, and the lights come back on as people start to file out. there's cheers and more shouts for another encore, but it's clear the night is over. this is the part you've been dreading; even after days of convincing yourself, you're still not sure what you're going to do.

when the crowd finally clears out enough for you to move towards the stage, you can already see the group that’s formed around the members. cheol is off to one side, giving out autographs to whoever waves their napkins closest to him. mingyu’s helping wonwoo pack up his drum kit, smiling shyly at the girls calling his name and promising he’ll come back out to the lobby to meet them once he’s finished.

and then there’s hansol, looking flustered as people crowd around him, a deep blush in his cheeks as he waves his hands to try and get them to leave. you’re just far enough from his line of sight that you almost hesitate. it’s not too late to turn around. it’s not too late to leave before he can see you, to disappear from his life forever, but your heart won’t let you. 

you walk a little closer to the stage, hanging back behind the crowd of people, but he sees. his face lights up with relief, and even from a few feet away you can still see his eyes soften. he tells the people to move, more firmly with his words this time, and he hops down off the stage as they part to make room for him. when it’s clear his attention is no longer on them, they grumble and walk away, talking to their friends about the show and how hot all the members are and how they’re definitely planning on coming back the next time they perform.

hansol reaches you in a couple of strides, stopping just in front of you. he stays silent for a second, his eyes roaming over you almost gratefully.

“hi,” he says finally, offering you a lopsided smile. he wipes his palms on his jeans nervously. “you came.”

you bite your lip for a second before you nod. “i did.”

“so you’re— did you— were you here for the end of the show?” he asks, trying to hide the stutter in his words. it’s cute how shy he is all of a sudden. it’s not like him to be shy like this. but then again, the only times you’ve seen him are when he’s playing with the guys or fucking your brains out while he's drunk, so it’s not like you’ve really gotten to know him. maybe he’s always been this shy and you were just too caught up in him to notice.

you know what he’s trying to say without outright saying it. obviously you were there the whole time, a fact you aren’t the proudest of, but you aren’t about to let him know that. “i heard your song,” you finally settle on, cutting straight to the point.

his face goes through about a hundred emotions in the span of a second, from surprised to happy then right back to shy again. “yeah?”

even though most of the room has cleared out by now, he starts walking as he talks, pulling you through the side door into the quieter backstage area. you follow him around the corner until you reach a private room, a wrinkled sheet of paper taped to the door with his name written in sharpie. his guitar case that you've seen so many times lies open on the floor, his backpack slumped against one wall.

“i liked it.”

he exhales in relief as he turns back around to face you, and you can almost see his whole body relax. “i'm so fucking sorry,” he says, nearly stumbling over his words with how fast he tries to get them out. “i've been really, really stupid. the way i left you the other night… i shouldn't have let you go like that. i regretted it the second you left.”

you purse your lips as you listen. you can tell he really means it, and it's getting harder and harder to stay mad at him. but you can't let him off that easy, not after how long you've been going through this.

“i just don't understand what it is you want, hansol. you treat me like— i don't know, like nothing.” you pause and chew on the inside of your cheek for a second, letting your words sink in. “and then out of the blue you beg me to come to your show, and you play this really sweet, heartfelt song, so how the hell am i supposed to take that?”

he winces, but the wounded look on his face doesn't feel as satisfying as you'd hoped it would. “i know. i'm just… i'm bad with words. i'm better at music.” he sighs. “but that's not an excuse. i didn't ever wanna make you feel like that, not on purpose. i just got scared. but i shouldn't have.”

you stand silently, waiting. clearly, there's more on his mind. he stuffs his hands in the back pockets of his jeans, shifting from one foot to the other. 

“i love the way you laugh. i love the way you watch me when i'm playing and it makes me feel like the only person in the whole world. i love the way you smile when you're drunk and the way you kiss me. and it was stupid of me to ever think i didn't want that all the time.” he lifts his gaze to meet your eyes, the fear in his expression more obvious than anything you've ever seen before.

you let out a breath, your voice dropping almost to a whisper. “you should've just said that.”

“i should've,” he agrees.

you offer him a tight-lipped smile, trying to keep yourself together. this is not how you thought tonight would go. you didn't even think you'd talk to him, and if you did, you thought it would be a shouting match, screaming and cursing before angrily storming out of the venue, finally feeling vindicated after all this time. yet here you are, standing quietly in front of him and trying not to cry.

he waits for a second, trying to gauge your reaction before he continues. “you're, like, my best friend,” he says, adding a nervous little chuckle to lighten the mood. “i think about you every time i play or whenever i try to write something. it's always about you. you don't know how much i look forward to thursday practices and getting to see you.”

now it's your turn to laugh. “you literally could've just texted me and i probably would've dropped everything to be there, anytime.”

he grins, his smile a little wider this time. “yeah, i know. i tried, the other day when i invited you. that was scary as shit.”

he looks up at you again, his soft brown eyes and long eyelashes shining even under the dim flickering bulb overhead. “i'm really glad you came tonight, though. i wasn't expecting you to, but i really hoped you would.” he offers you another nervous smile. “will you let me try again?”

you don't answer right away, and the look of nervousness starts to seep back into his features. “i promise i—”

but you cut him off, pulling him in by his shoulders and pressing your lips against his. he falters for just a second but his arms immediately wrap around your waist, tilting his head to lean into the kiss, and somehow that one little action feels more natural than anything you've ever done together.

you slide your tongue against his lips, and he lets out a groan into your mouth before he pulls back to breathe. “is that a yes?”

you have to fight the urge to roll your eyes and laugh, but instead you just nod. “yes.”

you definitely didn't come here tonight expecting to get laid. in fact, the last thing you ever thought you'd do is sleep with hansol again. but all of that feels like a distant memory as you head out of the community theater together, his guitar case over his shoulder, walking hand in hand towards his car.

the routine is familiar, but nothing is the same. you're not drunk, you're not in the parking lot of a cheap bar, and you don't feel lonely anymore. 

he unlocks the doors and you start to climb into the backseat, but he lets out a little noise and shakes his head, and you look up at him in confusion. 

“we're going back to my place. or yours, if you want.” he reaches down to offer his hand and help you out of the car. “i said i was gonna do it right this time, didn't i?”

by the time you get back to your apartment, your stomach is in knots in the very best way. your hands shake as you fumble with your keys, and if you weren’t so on edge it would have almost made you laugh, the way hansol looks away and pretends not to notice. you're more alike than you thought, and suddenly you're overcome with a feeling of excitement. now you get to discover all these little things about him: things you didn't allow yourself to see before, things he wants to show you and tell you and share with you. 

you try not to let the awkwardness seep back in, but you pause outside your bedroom door, almost as if you're waiting for hansol to tell you what to do. in just one night he's turned your life on its head, and now you're at a loss.

so he takes it as a sign and kisses you, his hands finding your waist and slowly trailing up your body until he's cupping your chin. it's different from all the other times he's kissed you. it's not just the fiery passion you're used to when you can tell he's worked up, but there's a hint of uncertainty in it, more similar to the kisses he gives you afterwards when you're trying to figure out whether to ask for a ride home or not. and then, the pieces finally settle into place and you realize he wasn't kissing you like that because he didn't want you; he was kissing you like that because he did.

you pull away and he freezes a little, and you can tell from the worried look in his eyes that he thinks he's gone too far. “relax,” you laugh softly, your forearms still resting on his shoulders. 

he complies, but his eyes still dart across your face in nervousness. despite how badly he wants you, how badly he needs to prove himself to you, there's clearly still so much that needs to be discussed before you can move forward, things that've been left unsaid for far too long.

you inhale and look up into his eyes, trying to find what emotion is hidden there. “what do you want, hansol?”  

“want you to be my girlfriend,” he breathes out without hesitating. if it were any other time and place you might've thought he was joking, but you can tell he's dead serious.

“i—” whatever words you had ready instantly die in your throat, not expecting such a genuine answer. “yes. but i meant, like, right now. what do you want, right now.”

his expression shifts in understanding and he grins, though it's still shy. “oh. well…” he pauses again to think. “what do you want me to do?”

you watch his eyes carefully for a moment before you reply. you've wanted him to do a lot of things. you wanted him to be better, you wanted him to be worse. you wanted him to do anything besides being stuck in this weird limbo of friend-zoned friends with benefits. but now that the choice is up to you… you don't want any of that.

“i want you to be honest,” you start softly, almost shy to say it, but you know it needs to be said. “i want you to tell me how you feel. because i can't lie, you really fucked up. i shouldn't have given you so many chances.” he winces at that, but you brush your thumb along his cheek and pull his attention back to you. “but i did. so you need to earn my trust again. and i just want you to not be so afraid anymore.”

he stays silent for a long moment before he nods, as if he's seriously considering your words. “i know,” he says finally. his voice is quieter now, barely above a whisper. “i'm sorry. you're gonna get so fucking sick of hearing me say how sorry i am, but i'm not gonna stop saying it.”

you want to laugh, but his tone is so serious that you know you shouldn't, so you keep a straight face and ask him again. “so… what do you want?”

he lets out a sigh, still holding you face in his hands. “shit, everything. but, first— i really wanna taste you. can… can i?”

you take a step backwards into the bedroom and he follows, tearing off clothes one by one in a hurry until you're both left with just underwear. with the limited space in his car you've never actually been fully naked together before, and the thought of him seeing you is both terrifying and exhilarating. 

he leans you down onto the bed and you pull him down with you. he falls beside you, pausing to kiss you once more before rolling off the bed and onto his knees, holding your legs in front of him as he stares up at you.

it's the kind of image that could drive a woman mad. you didn't think he was capable of being this patient, but it seems he's full of surprises tonight. “yes,” you breathe out and finally give him an answer. your eyes are locked onto his, a silent conversation happening between you in the span of a second.

he clears his throat and slowly pries your legs apart, pulling his gaze away from your face to stare between your thighs instead.

“god, this pussy…” he groans in delight as he settles your legs over his shoulders, his gaze transfixed on the wet spot at the seat of your panties.

he slides his palms up your thighs, and for his sake you pretend not to notice the way his fingers are shaking just a little. you lift your hips to encourage him, and he slips his long fingers beneath the hem of your panties before pulling them down, taking his time to slide them off and toss them on the floor behind him.

his hands immediately come back up to your thighs, using his thumbs to press your legs apart to give him a better view.

“so fucking gorgeous,” he mumbles to no one but himself. it's like he's in a trance, admiring the dripping mess between your legs like it's about to be his last meal. if he hadn't been so enthusiastic, you might've been embarrassed at the electric shiver that runs through you from his praise. but when there's a man this hot in front of you, kneeling and staring up at you like you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen in his life, it's hard to feel embarrassed for long.

he leans in and presses a soft, open-mouthed kiss to your clit, and you nearly jump out of your skin at the feeling. he's never been incredibly rough with you before, but he’s never been this gentle, either. he's touching you so delicately, like a statue at a museum that he's not sure yet if he's allowed to touch or not.

your reaction spurs him on, and he leans in further to flatten his tongue against your entrance and gives a long, slow lick. your hips lift automatically, trying to push him closer and add more pressure.

he curls his tongue through your folds before pulling away, his hands coming up to rest on your hip bones and hold you down. “even better than i imagined,” he groans, looking up at you from his spot on the floor, and the image of him down there makes you so dizzy that you have to lay back down against the bed again.

“more,” you whimper desperately. in the back of your mind there's a distant feeling of shyness at how demanding you're being, but you don't think twice about it. after everything he put you through, he still needs to prove himself to you, that he's not going to break your heart again. but he's doing a damn good job so far. “vernon— ah, fuck!”

“mm, anything.” he presses a kiss against the soft skin on inside of your thigh. “anything you want, baby.”

you don't even have time to process the nickname before he's diving back in, his lips wrapped around your clit as he sucks at you. you let out a strangled noise of surprise, your hand instantly flying down to hold his head.

your fingers tangle in his hair, his tongue so deep in your pussy that you're already gasping and writhing under his touch. you can't tell which one of you has been more stupid for not letting this happen sooner, because it almost seems like he's enjoying this more than you are.

the coil in your stomach already feels like it's about to burst, pent up with white-hot energy that feels hotter than the sun. it hardly takes a few more pointed laps of his tongue before you fall apart into his mouth, whimpering and groaning and begging shamelessly for him. 

“you called me vernon,” he says when you finally manage to push his head away, shivering with overwhelming sensitivity. he lifts one hand to wipe at his chin, way too nonchalant after everything he just did.

you're still fighting through the haze of your orgasm but his words bring you back down to earth, and your face fills with heat. “huh? sorry, i—”

“everybody calls me vernon,” he says as he shakes his head, quickly cutting you off. he stands up and moves onto the bed, flopping down beside you. “i liked that you always called me hansol. made it feel special.”

your eyes follow his movements, still laying on your back as you catch your breath. “but…?”

he grins, and you swear there's a hint of blush in his cheeks. “but that was really sexy when you called me vernon. it sounds way cooler when it's coming from you.”

all you can do is laugh, letting your eyes close as you rest your hands on your stomach. “noted,” you giggle. “so should i do it more, then?”

he hums in thought, rolling over onto his side so that he's closer to you. “you can do whatever you want, baby.”

that nickname again. he's already started leaning in to kiss you again, but you grab his shoulders and pull him down to meet him halfway. there's a bitterness on his tongue that you'd almost forgotten about, but you're quickly reminded once you feel his hand sliding across your stomach and down back between your legs. you let out a surprised but happy moan into his mouth, one of your hands moving to the back of his head to kiss him harder.

your legs part, accepting the warmth of his palm as he gently presses it against your sensitive clit. he holds his hand there for just a moment, pausing his movements as he kisses you, eagerly swallowing the whimpers and sounds you give him in return.

after a minute he shifts his hand, carefully pressing his index and middle finger into you. you're right up at the edge again already, clenching down hard around his fingers as he sets a slow pace, pulling them out halfway before thrusting them in deeper than before. you're seeing stars, releasing a constant stream of muffled moans into his lips as he curls his fingers inside you. he follows the rhythm of your hips as you rut against his palm, letting the movement force his fingers even deeper.

his fingers are dripping with your juices, down his knuckles and pooling in his palm, but it only makes him want to fuck you even more. it's not like this is the first time he's fingered you. the guys at the auto shop down the street know him all too well, from the amount of times he's had to take his car in to get the seats cleaned. he always claims that it's because he's a messy eater, and while that's true in some ways, he knows those guys don't buy it for a fucking second.

his fingers are completely buried inside you but he never stops kissing you, breathing almost as heavily as you are. he stops thrusting his fingers and adjusts his hand once more, pressing his thumb against your clit to rub lazy circles over it. 

“ver—vern— fuck, hansol!” you finally manage to pull away from his lips, nearly gasping for air as another orgasm rips through you. his other hand slides down your body and it feels like the first time you've ever been touched, his palm so warm and tender against your skin that it somehow makes your high even better. you're shaking in his arms, lips parted in a soundless moan as you clench wildly around his fingers, but he just holds you tighter against his body and keeps pressing kisses along your jaw.

his lips are wet with both spit and slick as he watches you, his eyes filled with stars. usually when you're together, in the dark backseat of his car illuminated only by the moonlight and nearby streetlamps, it's hard to make out the details. it's dark, and everything is fuzzy from both the alcohol and the late hour. but now, he's realizing how stupid he was for never letting this happen sooner. he could've ended up going his whole life without ever seeing you like this, laying completely fucked out under the soft light in your bedroom, your pupils wide and eyes watery and so, so beautiful.

he waits until you've calmed down again, leaning away to give you a little space, but your hand shoots out to grab his wrist and keep him close to you and he can't help but smile. when you open your eyes you're expecting to find a cocky smirk, to see how proud of himself he is for having you in the palm of his hand so easily, but it's not there. just that soft smile.

“now. what do you want?” he says. “i should be asking you that way more often.”

“want you inside,” you pant out. “now. please? i— i missed you.” you shouldn't have said the last part out loud, but at this point you don't care anymore. all your cards are out on the table.

his eyes widen a little at your boldness, but he bites his lip and nods. he can't lie and say he wasn't secretly hoping you'd say that, but he'd be just as happy to sit here on the floor and eat you out over and over and over again. he'd do anything you want at this point, and not just because he feels like he owes you. he does, but it's deeper than that. it's a different kind of feeling, one that makes him want to do cheesy shit like lay his jacket over puddles for you and buy an airplane to write your name in the sky.

as he starts to position himself between your legs on the bed, you watch his face. his expression is outwardly neutral, but little by little you've started to recognize the signs of his happiness. it looks good on him.

but your brain isn't content with that, not just yet. you swallow as a thought crosses your mind, and you can't push it down any longer.

“wait,” you say quietly, forcing the word out before you can reconsider. he stops immediately, his eyes searching your face for anything he can find, any sign that you've changed your mind about this.

“yeah?” he replies, his voice just as quiet, as if he's afraid to speak too loudly and break the tension of this moment.

you clear your throat as best you can manage, though it's kind of starting to get sore from how much and how loudly you've been moaning all night. “just curious,” you start, nervousness suddenly starting to creep in. but tonight is for being honest, and you can handle the truth. probably.

“before, while we were together— well, it doesn't really count as being ‘together’ but you know what i mean.” you pause again, chewing your lip. “did you ever… y'know. was there ever anybody else?”

hansol exhales, still hovering over you. “no. unless you count lotion and my hand, ‘cause there was a lot of that.” your eyes soften and you visibly relax at his words, and he mentally kicks himself for ever making you even think that was the case. that there would ever be anyone else for him but you. “i know i was stupid, but i'm not that stupid.”

“okay.” you pause again, trying to figure out how to get back on track. “sorry, i just wanted to know. i don't care.”

he scoffs, but his tone is more melancholy than angry. he shifts on top of you so he can rest on his elbows, getting closer and brushing his hand over your hair. “you should care. if i had, i would've given you full permission to lay into me, cuss me out, whatever. i would've deserved it. you don't deserve that.”

“i wanted to, trust me.” you sigh. “but you're too nice to me. i thought…” you chew on your lip, eyes searching his as you try to figure out what to say. “…i don't know what i was thinking.”

“i don't think i'm anywhere near ‘too nice’,” hansol laughs. the sincerity in his expression almost makes you feel better. “i'm the luckiest dude on the planet that you didn't decide to, like, slash the tires on my car and egg my house or something instead. i really wouldn't have blamed you if you did.”

“maybe i should then, next time,” you say, a smile creeping onto your face.

he shakes his head. “there won't be a next time.”

the room goes quiet and you stare at each other for a second, letting his words sink in. you can tell he's being lighthearted, but he's not even trying to hide the sincerity behind his words.

“you can… continue now,” you say after a tense moment, breaking the silence. the tension in the room is thick but it's not uncomfortable, slowly but surely melting into a lust that's deeper than any of the times you've been drunk and horny in his car.

he nods, and he reaches down to brush your hair back behind your ear before his hands slide down your body. he seems so hesitant to let go of you, but finally he lifts one hand to grip his cock and position himself at your entrance. he braces his other hand against your hip, shivering as he brushes the tip of his cock up through your folds. fuck, he's not gonna last. 

after steeling his nerves as best he can and trying to convince himself not to bust the second he's inside you, he angles himself between your legs and starts to push in.

by some miracle he manages not to cum immediately, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to think about literally anything else but how fucking beautiful you are lying beneath him, but what actually happens instead might be worse.

hansol groans once he's fully inside, slowly splitting you open bit by bit until he bottoms out with his hips flush against yours. there are so many words on his tongue begging to spill out, but he can't think straight. holy shit, he can't even think about anything right now. why did he never say anything sooner? why did he waste so much time content with putting in the least amount of effort when he could've been having you like this all along?

“i love you,” he blurts out, and for a split second you think maybe this is all a dream and somehow you passed out at the show and hit your head so hard you started hallucinating this. but then his eyes widen and he winces in that way you've started to recognize, and you almost laugh because now you know it's real.

“shit, i don't know why i said that. i'm sorry. fuck, i'm sorry,” he groans and hangs his head, but despite his embarrassment you can still feel every inch of his dick twitching inside you and it feels way too good to ignore. “you don't have to say it back. i know it's way too soon—”

“did you mean it?”

“what?”

“did you mean it?” you repeat. his attention pulls back to you, a confused yet hopeful look in his eyes that makes your heart warm.

he clears his throat, obviously trying to hide the pink spreading across his cheeks. “yeah. i think i did. and not just because you have the best pussy ever.”

“are you sure? because that's what it sounds like to me,” you tease and try to roll your eyes, but his words make you clench involuntarily around him and he curses under his breath.

“fuck— yes, i’m very sure, i meant it and i'll keep saying it forever if you'll let me.” he lets out a groan, both hands now firmly planted on your waist. “but, god, please let me fuck you now. i'm trying so goddamn hard to hold back and i'll gladly go for another round later but i'm trying to make it up to you right now and it's gonna completely ruin it if i cum in, like, five seconds.”

you can't help your laughter in that moment so all you can do is nod, lifting your hips a little to try and get him going. and he takes the hint, pulling halfway out of you before slamming back in, a loud, deep string of groans leaving his lips.

his pace starts out frantic but he quickly calms himself down, stabilizing himself through his grip on your waist and pulling you to meet his thrusts. he snaps his hips into you at a smooth pace, his cock dragging against your walls with each stroke in a way that has you clawing at his wrists for support as he holds onto you.

hansol may be bad at relationships, but he's never been bad at sex. even on a good day it really doesn't take much to have you seeing stars, but this is different. this is desperate, determined, thankful, and hopeful all wrapped into one movement, sliding in and out of you with a passion you've only ever seen when he's playing guitar. 

“ha— ngh— hansol!” despite your efforts to keep it steady, your voice still comes out broken, his name escaping your lips as easily as breathing. you roll your head back against the pillow, and you're suddenly even more grateful that you're at home in your bed instead of alone in a parking lot. this is so much better, better than you could've dreamed.

“fuck, you always take my cock so good,” hansol groans as he leans forward and buries his face in your chest. “i should’ve been telling you that every single time, how good you are. so fucking good.”

the way he fucks you is strangely tender, in a way you're not sure you've ever felt before. it's rough, but somehow in a gentle way. he's taking you apart piece by piece and putting you back together with his hands, his kisses, his touch. none of the times before have ever come close to this. 

maybe it's the feeling of a mattress beneath your back instead of a hard plastic seat, or maybe it's the promises hanging in the air between you that makes this time feel brand new. maybe you're just too caught up in the moment to think straight, but for the first time it finally feels like a fresh start. this time is different.

“baby, please, one more for me,” he moans into your skin as his hips begin to grow weary, his breath hot against your chest. “‘m not gonna last much longer— fuck, cum for me one more time, baby. god, you're so perfect. please, let me make you cum.”

at this point he's rambling, almost as far gone as you are, but it's like he doesn't even need to ask. as soon as the words leave his mouth you feel the familiar sensation starting to build again, burning hotter and quicker than before. you almost start to panic because you can't even tell if you have another one left in you, but you look up and meet his eyes one last time and suddenly a wave of calm washes over you at the sight of his soft brown eyes filled with way more love than you're expecting to find there.

you don't even have time to tell him when it hits you one more time, you just grab him and hang on tight as your high tears through you. you struggle to lift your legs and wrap them around his back, pulling him in even closer to you as your walls flutter uncontrollably around him. he invades your senses and you can feel him everywhere, and you can only hope he feels the way you do.

but it's obvious that he does, because “ah, shit—” is the last thing you hear before he pulls out, barely managing to get back in time before he spills all over your stomach, your thighs, your pussy, the sheets. it's everywhere, and neither of you care. his hands are still on you gripping your waist tightly like he can't bear to let go, his cock pulsing limply as it rests against your stomach. rope after rope of thick white floods over your skin, and yet it's like he barely even notices because he's so busy repeating your name, praising you again and again in between swears and shaky moans.

you're panting, your hands shaking as you reach for him, but he's already right there. he's breathing heavily himself as he drops down on the bed beside you, wrapping his arms around you and burying his head in the crook of your neck. 

his weight half leaning against you is grounding, and eventually you feel your heart starting to return to normal as you become aware of the sticky puddle of sweat and cum that you're both laying in. but you just close your eyes and rest, focusing on his body warmth and his palm holding your side and the tickle of air coming from his nose as he breathes against you, and you realize nothing, no feeling in the world, has ever felt better than this.

when he reluctantly pulls himself away from your body to go look for a towel, you already know there's no question about whether or not he's staying over tonight.

once he's done cleaning you off he lifts you up into his arms, laughing and nuzzling his nose into your neck as he sets you down at your desk chair to start stripping the mess of sheets off your bed, and in that moment you can't help but think how lucky you are. he keeps saying that he's the lucky one for letting him have a second chance, but you're lucky in a lot of ways, too. lucky that it turned out he wasn't as much of an idiot as you’d thought. lucky that your heart wouldn't let you give up on him, no matter how hard you tried. lucky that after everything, hope still works sometimes.

after stumbling around your room, tossing blankets and sheets around and looking the happiest you've ever seen him, you're finally settled down together and you're back where you've always belonged, laying in his arms. it's so late that the sun is probably coming up soon and you're exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster of a night, but you couldn't care less about what happens next because everything finally feels right.

hansol sighs, his arm curled a little awkwardly around your shoulders as he twirls a lock of your hair between his fingers. “can… we not do this anymore?” he asks finally. 

his voice is quiet; not shy or uncertain, just quiet. it's different than what you're used to with him. usually when you're around him everything is loud, it's fast and messy and jumbled, a whirlwind of a night followed by heartache and a pounding headache in the morning. but now he's just… quiet. all the thoughts that normally rush through your head are gone, leaving nothing but silence.

you swallow, confused. although you've already talked out all your worries, you can't help the uncertain feeling that starts to return. “what do you mean? like, right now?”

he exhales like he's thinking, and his fingers pause in your hair. “like… i don't know. i want things to be good between us. whatever we were doing before— anything but that. no more not talking about stuff. no more tension. y'know? i promise.”

“mmm.” you hum, letting his words sink in for a while. you drum your fingers absently against his chest, almost trying to make sure he's still there. “yeah. i think… i think things are good between us now.” you giggle, leaning your head against his chest. “as long as you don't pull that shit again.”

he laughs, reaching up to grab your hand off his chest and hold it there. “oh, yeah, i know. you're way too good to me for even giving me another chance. i'm so sorry i almost fucked it all up.”

“you don't have to say that anymore.”

“well like i said, babe, i'm going to—”

“you can just keep saying ‘i love you’ instead.” you interrupt, squeezing his hand in yours.

he stops short in the middle of his sentence, caught in surprise, but as soon as your words register a grin slowly begins to make its way across his face. “cool. then… i love you.”

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Soonyoung's eyes lit up as soon as he saw you, catching you off guard with a sudden, friendly hug. 

"You know y/n?" Seokmin cocked up his eyebrows, watching his older friend nearly crush a seemingly random girl from class. 

"Of course! We went to elementary and middle school together." he smiled, finally letting go of you. You hoped they couldn’t tell just how flustered the embrace had made you, your eyes blinking as you tried to regain composure.

“What a crazy coincidence! I didn’t know we’re going to the same college,” Soonyoung chuckled, shrugging off his backpack before mindlessly taking a seat next to you. 

You almost pouted at his words. Whilst you were very aware of his presence, Soonyoung didn’t seem to have been aware of yours.   

“Yeah, crazy.” you laughed it off, trying not to sound too awkward. “I didn’t know you were in this class…” you trailed off, blindly opening your laptop. 

Seokmin exhaled an amused breath. “Because he skips all his classes.” he said, taking a seat next to Soonyoung. 

“Hey, not all… I just hate Business Management.” the boy sighed, pouting as he rummaged through his worn down backpack. 

You fought a smile hearing them banter, shyly looking down at your laptop screen. 

"Alright, if the little reunion is over let's just start and get this over with, hm?" Jeonghan grumbled, forced to sit on the other side of you.  

You tried not to roll your eyes, the two others simply humming in agreement.

It took a near hour to decide on a solid plan, taking note of all the important topics and details. The dynamic between the group of friends had you surprisingly amused to say the least, catching yourself chuckling along to the little jabs the friends aimed at each other. 

"Okay, so, Seokmin," Jeonghan pointed his pen at him. "You will pick a company to help us with formulating three products." his pen moved to Soonyoung. "You'll design the logo of our website and the color scheme." 

The ball point pen moved to you now. "y/n, you'll design our website. Just pick some template on one of those website builders. Make it look pretty, but please, no pink." he sighed.

Your lips pressed together, feeling slightly agitated at his words. Make it look pretty, you're sure he was aware of how condescending he sounded, not even acknowledging the fact your major was software development. 

"What will you do, hyung?" Soonyoung asked, and you were more than curious to know this too.

Jeonghan clicked his pen, looking over at his friend. 

"I'll set up the meetings, oversee all your work and help where help is needed." he said, slumping in his chair. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes.

The two others seemed content with his answer. You didn’t argue with that, not having the energy over some stupid class you didn’t even care for. 

"Alright then." Seokmin clapped his hands together loudly, earning the attention of a few other students in the study hall. "Since Jeonghan hyung seems in such a rush to leave, let's meet up again next week?" he asked. You nodded, grabbing your backpack to put away your stuff.

"I'll make a group chat." Seokmin added, looking over to you briefly. You hummed, giving him a small smile of acknowledgement. 

Jeonghan left first, and you walked out the study hall with the two other boys by your side. 

"Oh my god, I'm so happy to see you!" Soonyoung nudged your shoulder lightly, gripping the straps of his backpack while he walked with you. You chuckled shyly. "Yeah, me too." 

You chose not to tell him how you’ve seen him around campus countless times, feeling like a bit of a loser at the way you’d been keeping your eye on him like a young girl with a schoolgirl crush—and in a way you were just that.

"We should hang out! Do you live on campus?" he asked. You made eye contact with him, smiling at his question. "I’m over at the sorority. Are you guys in the fraternity together?" 

The boys nodded. "We all are." Seokmin told you. 

"You should come to the party tomorrow, it'll be fun!" Soonyoung said. 

You'd sworn off drinking a while ago, not wanting it to get in the way of your studies, yet the offer sounded convincing enough, and the thought of getting closer to Soonyoung made your chest thump. 

"Ahh, come on! Don't tell me you've never been to one of our parties before." Soonyoung grinned when you paused, fully turning his body to you. 

A laugh escaped your mouth. "Well, I haven't. But... since you asked," you flashed him a smile, their sounds of approval hitting your ears. 

"Perfect! We'll see you there, y/n." Seokmin smiled.

Your friend sneaked an arm around your waist, pulling you into her body while the two of you walked to the fraternity a few blocks over. 

"I can't believe you're finally coming with me!" Your best friend Jaehee declared loudly. She squeezed your hip. "You have to see Mingyu tonight, he's so fucking fine. We’ve been texting for days now!" 

You rolled your eyes playfully, not too keen on meeting one of her flings again. 

When the two of you entered the fraternity, the notorious ΙΖ', you were immediately greeted by the luring smell of alcohol and weed. The large body of people were scattered all around the extensive common room, most grouped together chatting with their respective friends in the open space between the kitchen and living room. 

Your face scrunched a bit trying to adjust to the loud music, your friend immediately dragging you to a corner where a group was hanging out.

"Jae!" the loud voices greeted your friend excitedly, the tallest of them instinctively putting an arm around her. 

She welcomed them with a smile, moving to pull you right next to her. "Guys, this is y/n!” she grinned. “y/n, this is Mingyu," she looked at the handsome boy next to her before pointing to the others. "Joshua, Eunwoo and Jeonghan." You made eye contact with Jeonghan, his big eyes already staring back at you.

"Hi y/n, it’s nice to meet you. Did you finally decide to join us?" Joshua smiled, giving your shoulder a small squeeze. You met his gaze, his sweet eyes resembling those of crescent moons as he smiled at you.

You didn’t know whether to feel thankful your friend had seemingly been so openly talking about you, but you were happy you were being welcomed so warmly. You returned his smile, nodding before speaking, "Yeah... It looks like you got quite the party here." you chuckled. 

"I told you it'd be fun!" Jaehee lighty shoved you, a loud voice suddenly interrupting your conversation. 

"Hey! You made it!" Soonyoung squeezed between you and Joshua, a smile on his sweet face while he settled his gaze on you. Your body instantly became warm, and you swallowed a lump in your throat not knowing what to say. You could tell by the flush on his cheeks he was a few drinks ahead of you. 

"Let's take a shot!" he exclaimed happily, handing you a full shot glass you hadn’t seen him hold before. His gaze turned a bit more serious as if he realized something, hectic eyes frantically looking around as his lips pressed together in a tight line. 

His eyes lit up as soon as a certain person walked by, and he snatched a full glass of booze from their hands with an innocent giggle. "Thanks Jihoonie!" he laughed, earning him a blank stare from the guy, who carried on walking, uninterested. 

You laughed as he clinked his glass against yours, downing the entire cocktail down quickly. You watched him for a second before deciding to take the shot, the bitter taste making you cringe. 

The group in front of you didn’t seem too concerned by what was happening, already wrapped back up in whatever conversation they had before you and Jae joined them. 

"You want another? Or maybe a mixed drink? I’m good at those," Soonyoung put his hand on your shoulder, looking at the kitchen for a moment before settling his hazy eyes back on you. 

“If you don’t make it too strong,” you smiled timidly, the words leaving your lips before you could even think them over. Soonyoung gave you a sharp nod, disappearing into the crowd.

Your eyes briefly met Jeonghan again before clumsily looking over at your friend, who seemed too busy to talk to you.

“You know Soonyoung?” Joshua closed the space between the two of you again, face angled down close to yours.

You nodded. “We went to the same school when we were kids,” you told him, playing with the empty shot glass in your hands. He chuckled. “Wow, what a coincidence.” He took a drag of his vape, the fruity cloud of smoke dancing above you. You nodded. “Yeah, we were grouped together for a Business Management project.”

“Business Management? Doesn’t Jeonghan also take that class?” he looked over to his friend, who looked up at the mention of his name. You nodded, telling him Jeonghan and Seokmin were all in your group as well.

“Good luck with that.” Joshua grinned knowingly. “I wouldn’t be able to focus much with those three bickering all the time.” he snickered, looking at his friend who just rolled his eyes.

You smiled. “So far so good.” You hoped to at least get a smile from the boy in front of you, deciding the grudge you held against him might have been a little unfair to him. But Jeonghan dismissed your kindness by ignoring you completely, instead saying something to Eunwoo beside him.

You resisted the urge to show your newfound irritation, shifting your attention back to Joshua.

From the corner of your eye you saw Eunwoo nod, and the two of them left quietly, leaving you four in the corner.

Joshua really knew how to make you feel comfortable, striking up a conversation with you about your majors and some of your interests, the exchange soon shifting into your shared hobby of baking.

When Mingyu and Jae disappeared after a heated make out session you and Joshua briefly cringed at, the two of you were the only ones left. Joshua soon dragged you to the backyard to smoke, joking alcohol made him crave cigarettes.

You were seated on one of the couches outside, a full glass of alcohol in your hand that one of the hosts, Joshua’s friend, had poured you—reminding you of the drink Soonyoung had promised you before, most likely, drunkenly having forgotten about it.

Just shortly after the realization you coincidentally spotted him, and your stomach turned when you saw what exactly was going on. Soonyoung was making out with some girl on the other side of the garden, tongue and all, making you see green with jealousy. 

Your innocent crush might’ve not been completely innocent—not when the sight in your peripheral vision impacted you this much.

Your glass was empty now, and you set it on the table in front of you to push yourself up. This caught the attention of Joshua, who’d been busily chatting with the random people you’d grouped up with outside for the last half hour.

“Are you leaving?” Joshua put his hand around your wrist, looking up at you with a frown on his face.

“I don’t feel so good, I need some water,” you told him, making him loosen his grip on you. You had this weird urge to isolate yourself—to flee. “Are you okay? I can get it for you.” His eyes softened upon hearing your words.

You shook your head. “It’s okay, thanks Joshua. I’ll be right back.” you shot him an assuring smile before quickly walking back inside, right past the kitchen to the corridor.

Fuck. Why did you feel so jealous over Soonyoung? It’s not like you were ever close to him. 

Maybe you’d been an idiot hoping to catch Soonyoung’s attention, not when he barely paid any attention to you in the first place. He never noticed you in school. The secret glances, soft laughter you tried to hold in whenever he and his friends joked around in class. He didn’t even know you were attending the same college, for god's sake.

Now you felt even worse. You decided to walk straight outside through the front door—away. 

“Leaving already?”

You jumped at the sudden voice, eyes locking with Jeonghan who you saw leaning against the white brick house. He eyed you with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“Fuck, you scared me.” you instinctively pressed your hand against your thumping chest. Jeonghan seemed to observe you carefully, eyebrows furrowed like he was deep in thought.

“Everything okay?” he suddenly asked you. The question surprised you. Jeonghan didn’t seem the type to entertain people he didn’t care about. 

“Um, yeah,” you responded meekly. “Just going home.” you shrugged, fully ready to walk off. 

Jeonghan hummed, pushing himself off the wall to get a bit closer to you. You stopped moving, your shoulders slumping a little while looking at him. Jeonghan checking up on you was as odd as it was out of character, but continuing to want to talk to you? By choice? You were stunned.

“Let me guess,” he smiled, clearly already very amused by whatever was about to come out of his mouth. “This has something to do with Soonyoung.” He almost grinned, and his arms remained crossed as he waited for your reaction.

The look on your face only made him smile wider, looking like he had won the lottery.

“I knew I would be right.” he mumbled under his breath, chuckling in an irritating way. “I’m good at this…” he seemed amused, waiting for you to defend yourself. 

You forced yourself to laugh, shifting your weight awkwardly as the stiff sound croaked out of you. “What are you talking about?” you held your breath awaiting his next words, but some part of you knew he had you right where he wanted you. 

“I mean,” the look in his eyes shifted into something you couldn’t describe. “You have a thing for Soonyoung. It’s very obvious.”

Your chest felt tight. Was is really that noticeable?

“For…for Soonyoung?” you laughed as if his take had been completely wrong. “Why would you think that?” you continued, the quirk of his lip only sputtering you on more. You hoped he couldn’t notice how flustered you were becoming. 

Jeonghan laughed, the nasal sound ripping from his throat surprising you. You realized you’d never seen this side to him—almost happy. 

“I can help you.” 

Your eye twitched. There was a brief silence as Jeonghan anticipated your response, his mouth slightly agape as his eyebrows rose. 

“Huh?”

Your confusion made him giggle, dropping his arms down next to his body to fully close the space between you. “Listen,” he started, licking his lips. “I will help you get Soonyoung.” You were suddenly feeling very self-conscious having him so close to you. 

“I’m not surprised he hasn’t noticed, since he’s oblivious as it is,” he continued. You looked away at his words, chewing on the inside of your cheek. 

“He’s one of my best friends, so it won’t be that hard.” he hummed, taking you in. 

You forced yourself to look back into his eyes, a silent exhale passing through your lips. This had to be some kind of setup. There had to be something behind it he wasn’t telling you.

“Who says I want your help?” you glared at him, furrowing your eyebrows. 

Jeonghan seemed to like your answer, a wide smile spreading on his face.

“Suit yourself. I’ll tell him about your little crush myself.”

Your eyes widened a bit, looking at him in disbelief. 

“Why do you even care that much, Jeonghan?” you crossed your arms, a part of you knowing very well he would happily inform his friend of your stupid secret. 

“I’m bored.” he simply grinned, his expression one of an evil mastermind.

Despite already having agreed with Jeonghan beforehand, you felt nervous about sitting next to him in class. You liked sitting near the front, a bit meticulous about having little to no distractions while taking your notes and listening to whatever your teacher had to say. 

Jeonghan always sat in the far back of the class, less caring about the lesson and more about doing whatever it was he was back there. You could always hear him snicker about something, probably because of Soonyoung or Seokmin, treating the hour-long lesson like their own personal bar despite already living together and practically being together most of their time. 

Today you sat in the back, jumping in your seat when Jeonghan loudly dropped his bag on the table next to you. You snapped out of your daze, looking up to see the boy already smirking at you. 

“You didn’t chicken out,” he observed aloud, as if he thought you would actually back out of his genius plan to catch Soonyoung’s attention. As if the threat of not listening to him didn’t come with consequences.

“I’m a little surprised to be honest.” he chuckled, sitting down next to you. 

You sighed, following him with your eyes. “Why?” you decided to take the bait. Jeonghan only smiled. “Nevermind. It’ll be more fun this way.” he hummed, carelessly throwing his phone down on the table. “I already have some things in mind, you’ll see,” 

You didn’t even want to imagine what he was implying, rolling your eyes before pulling out your notebook and pen. 

“Aigoo.” Jeonghan laughed seeing your pastel pink pen, the top decorated with a cute little duck. Your cheeks burned. 

Before you could protest he snatched it from your hand, giggling as he observed it up close. 

“How cute. Did you name him?” he grinned, loving how embarrassed you looked. “No.” you hissed, trying to get it back from him. Jeonghan tsked with a smile, avoiding your hand before excitedly scooting closer to you. 

He held the pen right front of you, wiggling it in front of your face as he started speaking with a high pitched voice. “Please save me from Hannie! I feel so sad without you, y/n.” he laughed at himself, spinning the duck’s head towards him. 

He cleared his throat, giving the object a serious look. “I’ll keep you with me today, but I promise I will give you back to y/n later. Now, tell her goodbye.” 

“Seriously?” you grumbled, watching him put the duck back in front of your face. 

“Bye y/nnie! See you later!” he said in the same, annoying voice, making a loud kissing sound as he briefly pressed the duck’s beak against your lips. 

“Jeonghan!” you complained, pushing his arm away as he laughed. Right as you did so, Soonyoung and Seokmin walked in, the latter visibly surprised you were sitting next to Jeonghan. 

“Oh, y/n!” Soonyoung smiled, plopping down in the seat in front of Jeonghan. You smiled at him, suddenly feeling very conscious of Jeonghan’s little plan—which he failed to explain the exact logistics of. 

“Hi guys.” Seokmin greeted. He sat down in front of you, his back turned to you as he rumbled through his backpack. 

“Hyung, didn’t you say you disliked y/n?” Soonyoung asked, leaning over the backrest of the chair as he looked at his friend obliviously. By his tone you could tell he didn’t mean it in a bad way, he was genuinely interested. Soonyoung always had a way of blurting out whatever he had on his mind. 

Jeonghan cocked up his eyebrows, giving you a quick look that was met with a subtle glare. “What? Of course not.” he coolly dismissed his friend’s words. 

Soonyoung had a subtle pout in his face, looking around as if he was thinking for a moment. “But you said she’s-“

“I don’t dislike y/n.” Jeonghan roughly cut him off, giving him a stern look. Soonyoung giggled, giving you a warm smile that had you malfunctioning for a moment “I think it’s good you’re becoming friends!” he said, then quickly turned around when the teacher announced herself. 

“I’m not too fond of you either, you know.” you grumbled lowly to Jeonghan, making him chuckle. “Aw, did I hurt your feelings? I’m sorry. Promise we’ll have a great time together from now.” 

You rolled your eyes again. “Whatever.” you sighed in defeat, forcing yourself to pay attention to the class. 

The lesson carried on like normal, but your mind kept wandering. You were a little worried about whatever Jeonghan had in store for you, fearing the worst. How would he even be able to help you with Soonyoung? Was this all some ploy to embarrass you in front of his friends?

Deep in thought, you failed to notice Jeonghan leaning into you, flinching when he suddenly put his hand on your knee. “Thinking of me?” he whispered. His breath hit your ear, making the hairs on your arms stand up. 

“What are you doing?” you asked quietly, keeping your eyes on the teacher and hoping she wouldn’t notice what was happening. 

“Don’t you trust me?” Jeonghan’s voice carried a hint of amusement, and you could practically hear him smile as he spoke. “No.” you admitted quickly. Jeonghan chuckled. “Relax, this is all part of it.” he gently squeezed your knee, making you pout a little. The action had you meet his eye, yet you barely turned to him, not wanting it to seem like you were talking to him in the middle of class. 

“Come closer. You have to at least put in an effort if you want Soonyoung to think we’re dating.” Jeonghan whispered, pulling you closer towards him by your knee. 

Your eyes widened, looking at him in bewilderment as you felt his side pressing into yours. “D-dating?” you almost gasped. “Yeah?” Jeonghan said as if you were stupid. “How else do you want to catch his attention?” he said, like it was obvious this is what you were going to do from the start. 

“Like, suddenly? It’ll be weird.” you mumbled, ignoring the heat radiating off his body. Jeonghan shrugged. “We don’t actually tell anyone we’re ‘dating’. They just need to speculate that there’s something going on between us—and it's Soonyoung. He’ll believe anything.” His hand moved from your knee to hang over the backrest of your seat, trying to appear somewhat close to you. 

“Watch.” he looked at the front of the class for a moment before leaning back in to reach your ear. “Look at our teacher. Don’t you think it’s funny how she always wears those ugly shoes with that gap between her big toes?” you caught sight of what he was talking about, wheezing at his description. “The loafers? They’re kinda popular right now…” 

Jeonghan smiled. “They look like hooves. Hideous.” that made you laugh, catching Soonyoung briefly looking back at the two of you. “I want to burn those ugly horse shoes so bad.” he continued, very aware of his friend now paying attention to you. 

“Guys,” Soonyoung whispered to the two of you, a little smile on his face. “Ignore him.” Jeonghan whispered. 

“Popular or not, I need them gone.” he continued as if he didn’t hear Soonyoung. 

“Hey, guys,” Soonyoung said a bit louder, leaning over. 

“Hmm?” Jeonghan cocked up his eyebrows, turning his head to the boy. 

“What’re you laughing at?” he asked, hoping to join in on the fun. You allowed yourself to look at Soonyoung now too, waiting for Jeonghan to speak. 

“Huh? Oh, nothing…” Jeonghan giggled, putting his hand on your shoulder. Soonyoung pouted a little, softly nodding before looking back in front of him again, figuring whatever you were whispering about wasn’t anything of importance.

“See?” Jeonghan lowly said, a smirk tugging on his mouth. You didn’t reply, watching him play with your pen in his free hand. 

You couldn’t focus for the duration of the class, looking down at your blank notebook realizing you hadn’t been taking any notes, despite Jeonghan putting his pencil on your desk. His fingers played with the fabric of your shirt, not paying you any mind as he listened to the teacher. 

After the hour-long lesson Jeonghan waited for you to gather your stuff, Soonyoung and Seokmin already exiting the classroom as per Jeonghan’s request to not wait up for him. 

It felt oddly good getting all this attention suddenly, despite it coming from someone you had disliked for a year. Jeonghan really wasn’t as bad as you’d made him out to be, and a part of you liked being included in his circle and getting closer to him. It also made you nervous, never fully knowing what to expect from him.

“That was… interesting.” you told Jeonghan, looking up at him. He stood next to you with his arms crossed over his chest. You zipped up your bag, starting to walk out of the classroom with him. “Of course, told you it would work.” Jeonghan simply said, slowly walking through the hallway. “It would’ve even been better if you weren’t so awkward.” he sighed, looking at you. Your neck burned a bit, avoiding his eyes. You hadn’t realized you were being awkward.

“Meet me at the frat after you finish all of your classes.” 

“What?” you frowned at his words. 

Jeonghan had a blank look on his face. “Am I speaking french? You have to get used to us being together.” he said almost boredly, halting in front of your next class. You blinked at him before slowly nodding. It wouldn’t hurt to make it seem more believable. “Alright.” you said quietly. 

The corners of his mouth rose, winking at you before starting to walk off.  

“See you later!” he called over his shoulder, leaving you to ponder on what he’d planned.

A strange feeling settled in your stomach as you waited for Jeonghan in front of the big house, looking around the street observantly. 

The street wasn’t too busy, but there was a different atmosphere over at the frat row. The possibility of seeing all these boys—probably all friends with each other—was enough to make you nervous. You didn’t trust them, and you weren’t convinced any of them would see you as their equal—not for any societal reasons per se, but because you barely made any noise in the typical tight-knit college community on campus. 

It had been different being together with your friend last weekend, a fickle but comforting energy knowing you weren’t alone, even if it had only been for a little while before she disappeared with Mingyu. You’d had time to settle. 

Safe to say you felt out of place this time around. 

The sudden sound of the door opening then drew your attention.

“There’s my little ducky.” Jeonghan grinned, motioning for you to come in. He laughed at the look you were giving him, slamming the door shut before leading the way. 

Your worries seemed to melt away already, but you still felt somewhat nervous at the possibility of having to meet new people. 

“You still didn’t give me back my pen,” you told him as you blindly followed. He smiled as he walked past the kitchen to the hallway, looking back at you for a moment. “I’m keeping it,” he said casually.

You sighed in defeat, more focused on your surroundings than to give him a proper reply. The house was mostly quiet, and thankfully you didn’t see anyone apart from hearing muffled voices from whatever room you were passing by. 

“Could you walk any slower?” Jeonghan cocked up his eyebrows waiting for you to enter the opened door of his bedroom. You rolled your eyes at him. 

Once inside you started to become aware of where he’d taken you, looking around his room while chewing on your bottom lip. 

It looked like any other ordinary bedroom, spare for the few knick-knacks and the collection of shoes in the corner. There were tubs of skin care and school books on his desk, and some discarded clothes draped over his chair. 

“So… is Soonyoung home?” you asked carefully, not really sure why you were in his bedroom with him. 

“No,” Jeonghan said as he took a seat on his bed, simply watching you. 

You looked at him, gulping. “Oh…” you said softly, progressively getting more flustered as he held eye contact with you.  

Jeonghan chuckled, motioning for you to come closer. “Come here,” he extended his arm, patiently waiting for you to grab his hand. “This is just practice. You have to get used to us touching, ducky.” he smiled cheekily, watching you hesitantly close the space. 

He had a point. You told yourself it wasn’t a big deal, but you still felt overwhelmingly nervous as you grabbed his hand. Vulnerable. As you felt his skin, you noticed how long his eyelashes were, the sharp inner corners of his big eyes complimenting his pretty brown irises. His hand felt warm, but you felt weird. It was strangely intimate for some reason, and you wondered if he thought the same. 

“Don’t be so tense, y/n. Just act like you normally would.” he chuckled, pulling you closer than you already were, now standing between his parted thighs. You didn’t have anything to say to that, trying not to show how nervous you suddenly felt. 

“Why are you looking like that?” Jeonghan cocked his head to the side, reading you for a moment. “Don’t tell me you’ve never had a boyfriend before,” he grinned, already convinced this had been the reason for your silence. 

He laughed when the ghost of a pout appeared on your lips, almost making you want to pull your hand away if it weren’t for him already tightening his grip on you. 

“Cute. That’s why you’re so shy, hm?” he smiled with a wicked glint in his eyes. “Don’t mock me.” you mumbled, rolling your eyes before looking away. Jeonghan laughed again, shaking his head. “I’m not.” he lied, smiling in amusement. 

“Whatever,” you said, your eyebrows scrunched together as you looked at him again. 

“Hey, don’t be mad, ducky. I told you it’s cute.” Jeonghan hummed, suddenly wrapping his free arm around your waist and pulling you onto the bed with him. 

You gasped in surprise, bracing a hand on his chest as he pulled you closer, both arms wrapping around you as you lay curled on your side.

“You scared me!” You whined, hitting his chest. “Ow!” Jeonghan giggled, smoothing a hand over your hair. “Sorry.” he chuckled. “C’mere.” he softly urged your head to his chest before stroking your hair. 

You sighed in defeat, ignoring the knot in your stomach. “You asked me to come over to cuddle?” you sulked, not seeing why it would be of importance. 

“Yes? Things like this matter if you want us to be believable.” Jeonghan sighed, looking at you. You met his eye for a second, resisting the urge to roll your eyes again before looking out in front of you instead.

“I don’t even know why we’re doing this. I doubt it will work.” you murmured, unconsciously nuzzling your cheek against his chest. Your cheeks burned as you realized what you were doing, hoping Jeonghan wouldn’t make fun of you for it.

Jeonghan purposely tugged on the ends of your hair a bit too hard, earning him a glare whilst he just smiled. “It’s a shame you still don’t believe in my expertise.” he exhaled a long breath as if he was disappointed. “You have to be all in if you want this to succeed, ducky.” he smiled. 

“Stop calling me that,” you mumbled. “And If I remember correctly, you didn’t give me much of a choice, Jeonghan.” you then grumbled, making him laugh for a moment. You could feel his chest shake.

“Still,” he said, ignoring your first words.

You sighed. “Right.” you agreed. You just hoped it would be enough to interest the boy you’d liked since childhood. 

“I swear if you embarrass me…” you then added, looking at Jeonghan. 

He blinked slowly, just looking at you for a second. “Of course not.” he said in more seriousness, and you realized that’s all you wanted to hear from him. 

You slowly nodded. “Okay.” you almost whispered, giving him a little smile. Jeonghan smiled back at you, resting his cheek against the side of your head. 

You were both silent after that, finding comfort in each other’s embrace. It felt nice, having someone to finally hold you. 

But the comfort unsettled something, too. Truth is, you were a very lonely person. In your twenty-something years, you’d never had anyone pursue you romantically. Which you told yourself was fine—at first. But as the years passed, and those who took an interest in you somehow always ended up disappearing, you began to think something must be wrong with you. 

Still, the loneliness didn’t mean you lacked feeling. That had been the whole problem. You loved deeply, too much, sometimes so much that your fingers shook with it. It pulsed deep within you, burning to engulf and to take and keep taking. You were ashamed of the enormity of your desire, disgusted almost. You were scared that if you’d ever get a taste, you’d feast. You’d devour until nothing remained, only yourself and the wounds of your greediness. 

You thought yourself to be destructive, not to be trusted with even a sliver of it—even if a pair of warm arms around you had been all you’d ever wanted. 

You’d become too much one too many times in the past, and no one wants someone who’s too much. You told yourself love probably just wasn’t meant for you. Maybe you didn’t deserve it. At least not in this lifetime. 

You knew whatever you and Jeonghan were doing wasn’t real—not really. But a part of you had started to wonder. You could feel that same warmth you’d come to resent starting to bloom, and it scared you. You didn’t want to mess up again. Didn’t want to scare away the one person you were starting to let in.  

You blinked away tears, not because of your pain, but because Jeonghan’s embrace was bringing you so much comfort. 

“This feels nice.” you whispered, feeling a bit stupid for suddenly saying something so vulnerable. 

Maybe you really were greedy—doing all this to try to get Soonyoung, when you were convinced he would never want you anyway. Or if he did, he’d end up leaving just like everyone did.

Jeonghan hummed, oblivious to how emotional you suddenly felt. He kept stroking your hair. “Do you want to take a nap, ducky? I’m getting a bit tired,” he admitted, chuckling. You nodded against his chest, happy at the opportunity to have him like this a bit longer. 

Jeonghan pulled you even closer, sighing against your hair after closing his eyes. You carefully put your arm around him.

You tried not to overthink it anymore, closing your eyes to try to sleep. 

Not long after, Jeonghan’s breathing started slowing, and the hand that kept stroking your head now rested somewhere in your mess of hair. The rise and fall of his chest gradually helped lull you into sleep with him. 

Soft humming filled your ears, waking you up with a frown as you blinked in confusion. The sweet and airy sounds continued as you looked up at Jeonghan, suddenly remembering where you were.

Jeonghan met your gaze once you moved, the light from his phone behind your head illuminating his face as he stared back at you. He couldn’t contain his laughter seeing your tired face, letting his head fall back as he put his phone down. 

You only sighed before pushing yourself up, too dazed to curse at him already. 

It seemed like Jeonghan hadn’t moved at all as you were sleeping, silently scrolling on his phone while he had patiently waited for you to wake up. Whilst you had a nice nap, you couldn’t help feeling a bit embarrassed—and maybe ashamed—about letting yourself get so comfortable around him already. 

It took a lot of you to feel at ease around others, and you just hoped Jeonghan wouldn’t take advantage of your vulnerability despite his reassuring words.

“You woke up at a perfect time, sleepyhead.” Jeonghan smirked at you, watching you rub your eyes. 

“Why?” you asked with a frown, the boy copying you by sitting up as well. He grabbed his phone again, crossing his legs before showing you the live location of a food delivery driver entering the street. 

“You ordered food?” you looked at him. Jeonghan smiled, eyes closing in a slow nod. “I’ll be right back, ducky. Don’t miss me too much,” he tapped your nose playfully before pushing himself off the bed, chuckling at you rolling your eyes as he sauntered out of his bedroom. 

Jeonghan returned within a minute, flashing you the plastic bag with a smile before sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“I got us burgers.” he announced, pulling out two white wrappers and a bag of fries to put in between you. 

Jeonghan ate a fry, humming as he chewed while opening a packet of ketchup. “Are you hungry?” he asked, grabbing a couple of fries again. You nodded, unwrapping your burger slowly before meeting his gaze again. 

Jeonghan cocked up his eyebrows, smiling as he watched you. “What’s going on in that little head of yours?” he asked in amusement. 

You sighed, frowning for a bit as you searched for your words. 

“Do you think… we’ll even convince him?” you asked him hesitantly.

Jeonghan cocked his head to the side. “Of course we will. You don’t think so?” he took a bite of his burger, nodding his head towards yours to get you to eat already. 

“I’m not sure,” you sighed again before looking down at your cheeseburger, choosing not to further bother him with your insecurities before finally taking a big bite. 

He could tell you had more on your mind than you led on, carefully watching you as he chewed his food. Jeonghan chose not to ask too many questions—not yet. 

After finishing your food you headed back to the sorority. It was dark out, and if you stayed out for much longer your sorority sisters would undoubtedly start asking questions you didn’t want to answer. 

As you left the frat you thought about how different Jeonghan really was compared to how you’d perceived him. He was funny, and more importantly, he was kind. So kind he’d given you his jacket so you wouldn’t get cold on your walk home. It felt good being around him, as though you were finally seen. Really seen.

You zipped up the dark blue jacket, the back adorned with big white ΙΖ' lettering, smiling to yourself like a creep as you thought about all of the dumb jokes Jeonghan had fed you the whole night. 

Soonyoung sipped on his diet coke as he watched Seokmin and you work on your assignment, brown irises flickering between the two of you as he sat in silence. 

He didn’t notice the familiar jacket you’d purposely left on the table next to your laptop, or how awkwardly your frame shifted in the stiff chair beneath the buzzing lights of the study hall. 

You hadn’t been in contact with Jeonghan all day, assuming you’d see him again at the group meeting. Only he hadn’t shown up, the boys beside you mentioning how he’d told them he had been too tired to leave the house. 

It had only been half an hour since you’d started working on coding a website for your three product skincare line—a task that would be a whole lot easier if Soonyoung and Seokmin had done their part of the assignment. Which they hadn’t. 

At least you’d gotten somewhere today. The basics weren’t hard, you’d already finished most of the HTML structure and some basic CSS. To continue you needed to know what products you’d use—Seokmin’s task—and the color scheme and logo that would represent your website—which was what Soonyoung had to do. 

You reminded yourself you all had the whole semester to finish, so for now you could relax. But you felt anything but relaxed, your body on edge in the presence of Soonyoung. 

The screen of your phone lit up, your jaw ticking when you read the message. 

Yoon Jeonghan: go flirt with him ;)

You accidentally met Soonyoung’s gaze, forcing yourself to give him a stiff smile. Soonyoung smiled back at you, straightening up in his chair before motioning to your laptop. 

“Can I see?” he had a hopeful look on his face, his chubby cheeks growing in size as he smiled wider.  

Jeonghan’s words echoed in your head, sending your pulse racing. Your stomach felt tight, gulping before you nodded and turned the screen to him. Why was this so hard?

“Oh! You did all this?” Soonyoung scanned the simple website you’d created, easily impressed by your abilities. 

You nodded. “Yeah… It’ll look better after we have a logo and stuff,” you rambled, watching Soonyoung slowly pout. “Right,” he giggled, exhaling a soft breath. “I’ll get us a kick-ass logo soon, promise.” he smiled, making Seokmin chuckle in amusement. He obviously didn’t have much trust in his friend.

You called it a day soon after, feeling a bit defeated as you had no idea how to go about this. Sure, it was one thing to fake-date Soonyoung’s best friend, but without Jeonghan you had no clue how to act in front of him. You felt lost.

Things were basically the same as before—strictly friendly. That was it. 

You sighed in defeat at the scene in front of you. Small groups of random students you didn’t recognize sipped on their cheap bottles of beer, chatting away without a care in the world. 

“We won’t be long,” Jeonghan bumped your shoulder, already reading your mind. He smirked at the glare you were sending his way. “We just need to be seen together.” he explained for what seemed like the nth time, making you hum uninterested. 

The frat seemed to get rowdier by the minute as Jeonghan poured you a drink in the kitchen. A special drink, or how he’d called it. 

You didn’t want to admit it, but you were feeling nervous. It was the first time you’d so openly be seen together with Jeonghan. And you were still doubting all of it. 

It wasn’t only the inquisitive eyes of strangers you dreaded—or Soonyoung’s, it was also the fact that your best friend would come. 

You had no idea how you would convince her you’d randomly started dating Yoon Jeonghan out of all people, afraid she’d see right through you. How could she not?

Jeonghan handed you a glass with an almost black liquor, cocking up his eyebrow at you as he waited. You accepted it hesitantly before taking a big gulp. You figured you needed alcohol for this anyway. 

“God, what’s in this?” you cringed at the heavy flavor, making the boy next to you laugh. 

“You’ve never had jagermeister?” he snorted before bringing the rim to his quirked lips.  

“Straight?” your eyes widened, watching him swallow down the drink. 

“No, silly. I added coke.” he smiled, the essence from the liquor coating his lips.

You rolled your eyes, relaxing as he put his arm around you. “Calm down, ducky. You’re so on edge today,” he observed aloud, softly squeezing your shoulder. You only sighed, scanning the body of people before you. 

Almost immediately, you made eye contact with Jaehee, who excitedly walked up to Jeonghan and you. She seemed pretty smug when she noticed Jeonghan’s arm around you, tilting her eyebrows playfully as she got closer. 

“Hi y/nnie, Jeonghan,” she grinned. Jeonghan gave her a courtesy nod, smiling politely as he slid his hand down to rest atop your waist. The sensation of having his hand there caught you off guard for a moment. 

“What’s all this? You know you’re not supposed to mix business with pleasure, right?” She teased, awfully surprised at the seemingly random pairing. 

You didn’t question her reaction. Despite her not knowing about the grudge you’d held against Jeonghan for well over a year, she was very aware of your crush on Soonyoung. Which made Jeonghan and you together somewhat odd.

“Guess the cat’s out of the bag,” Jeonghan chuckled, pulling you closer to kiss the top of your head. “Had to pull out all of my charm for this one,” he continued, and you admired how well he was playing his role. 

“Oh, i’m sure. You got the pick of the litter, Yoon Jeonghan,” Jaehee winked at you as she talked you up. 

Her eyes easily found Jeonghan again. “But, make her sad once and see what happens.” Her lips pressed together in a straight line. 

Jeonghan smiled, looking down at you as if you were the only one in the room. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” he almost whispered as you met his eye. You only blinked at him, not knowing how to respond before he chuckled at you and softly nudged your cheek with the back of his fingers, leaving the skin tingling from his touch.

“I have to restock the coolers real quick before the beer bros start complaining,” Jeonghan squeezed your waist before letting go of you. “I’ll give you two a minute.” he smiled, patting your head before walking off. 

“What the fuck?!” Jaehee yell-whispered at you as you watched Jeonghan disappear. You had to remind yourself to act natural. This was all a part of the plan, after all. 

“You’re dating Jeonghan? How did that happen?” Jae crossed her arms over her chest, a pleased smirk forming on her glossy lips. 

You gave her a smile. “Oh, you know…” you brushed it off, chuckling. 

“Is this why you’ve been so off lately?” she asked, shaking her head in amazement. You frowned as you took a sip of your overpowering drink. “I haven’t been off,” you told her after finishing your glass in one gulp. 

“You so have!” she giggled, pushing your shoulder playfully. You only laughed, shrugging. “Maybe.” you pouted, giggling at the expression she was giving you. 

Jaehee shook her head again in amazement, turning to the kitchen island to pour herself a drink.

Though you did feel bad for lying, you tried not to think about it for now. You’d tell her eventually, after all of this would merely be a funny memory you’d laugh at looking back.

“So,” she started, turning back to you with a mischievous grin. “Did you have sex with him yet?” she leaned in, reading your reaction carefully. 

“Jaehee…” you rolled your eyes and laughed, trying not to seem too caught off guard at the question. The thought of it brought goosebumps to your skin, and you reached for the bottle of vodka on the counter to mask the shaky breath you suddenly had to let out. You needed it for emotional support anyway with Jeonghan not there to do the talking for you. 

“Oh, come on! You got your first boyfriend and you want me to be cool about it?” she sulked.

“I don’t want to jinx anything yet,” you told her coolly, chuckling at her sighing out loud. “Fair.” she smiled sweetly, dropping it for now.

Soonyoung hadn’t spared you a second glance after his initial greeting—a mere wave—off laughing with Seokmin and some random girl for what had already felt like hours. 

Jeonghan had been gone for a while already, and you were starting to feel restless without him. You blamed it on the scene in front of you—the way Soonyoung’s laugh echoed far too loudly at whatever the girl was telling him, his arm deliberately brushing her shirt. Your skin prickled almost painfully at the sight as you tried to pay attention to Jae’s rant about something Mingyu had done.

Still, Seokmin was right there. Equally as loud, friendly, exactly the buffer that should’ve made all of this easier to stomach. And yet… it didn’t. The restlessness lingered like a breath you couldn't fully release. An itch you couldn’t reach.

You kept glancing over at Soonyoung, but the longer you looked, the less you recognised him. The somewhat quiet, awkward kid you used to know felt like someone else entirely now. You were beginning to fear that you were chasing a past version of him, one that didn’t even exist anymore. You realised you were looking through the lens of someone who used to know him.

Maybe you were just doing this all wrong. Maybe if you were louder, or bolder—better, you wouldn’t be feeling this defeated.

There was a dull, stubborn ache in your chest that kept on growing, one that you couldn’t ignore no matter how hard you tried. The thought of doing all of this without even knowing if you still even wanted it stung, and all you wanted was to flee. All you wanted was for Jeonghan to make you laugh again.

“Fuck, okay—I’m gonna go find him,” Jaehee sighed after getting out all her pent up frustration, taking the remainder of her drink as a shot. “I’m going to confront him—remind him I’m a bad bitch who doesn’t take shit. Wish me luck.” Her jaw stiffened, eyes scanning the room to catch sight of Mingyu. 

“Good luck, girl,” you forced a smile. You really didn’t want to be by yourself right now. But you didn’t say anything, watching her sigh before getting lost in the crowd.

You had the perfect opportunity to leave the party, walk the short route back to the sorority and simply call it a night. The alcohol had made you tired anyway. 

Yet you found yourself sipping on another drink on the couch. 

You were hoping Jeonghan would come find you. Whenever you were with him you seemed to forget about everything that gnawed at you. He was quickly becoming your comfort in all of the chaos you felt. Maybe he was the cause of it, too. 

As if on cue, you spotted the long-haired boy in the sea of people. “There you are,” he said when he got close enough. His voice soothed you, and you already felt a bit better. Jeonghan slotted himself next to you on the couch with a low groan, his warm hand finding your knee as if it were natural. 

“What’s wrong?” he squeezed you when you didn’t greet him. You shrugged. 

Jeonghan looked at you for a moment, his big eyes reading you. “Is this about Soonyoung?” he blinked.

You exhaled a breath. “It’s stupid.” 

“Probably,” he said, earning a glare. Jeonghan only smiled. 

“C’mon, tell Jeonghannie,” He put his arm around you, pulling you closer to him. 

“I hate that.” you grumbled at the way he was referring to himself, making him chuckle. “Stop moping, little ducky,” he began stroking your hair..  

You sighed, chewing on your bottom lip. You just looked at him for a moment, his features softening as he noted your hesitance. 

“I don’t think I can do this,” you said carefully, frowning a little. You felt vulnerable vocalizing what’d been plaguing your mind, but somehow it eased the weight off your shoulders too.

His brown eyes didn’t leave yours, sympathy growing on his handsome face. Jeonghan then softly hummed in acknowledgment. “Why do you think that?” he simply asked.

You sighed again, looking away. “Just… It’s stupid—I don’t have a chance with him anyway,” you mumbled, making Jeonghan cock up his eyebrows. 

“Huh? Of course you do, silly,” Jeonghan softly shook you, smiling at you sparingly. He wondered why you continued to put yourself down.

You looked at him, doubt clear on your face. “I don’t think so.” you shrugged. It was Jeonghan’s turn to sigh. “Well, you’re wrong.” he fixed a stray strand of your hair, putting the lock behind your ear. 

You chuckled bitterly. “I’m not his type. I’m not… confident, or assertive… no one ever likes me,” your jaw tightened a bit as you spoke, your throat closing up.

Jeonghan frowned at you, pausing for a moment. “That’s not true y/n,” he shook his head, observing you carefully. “Like, not at all.” He sighed before gently nudging your chin, looking at you. You softly pouted, not really knowing what to say. 

“Do you even know how lucky he’d be to have you?” he added, his sweet words only making you somber. 

“He’ll see that too, so don't try to act like someone you’re not. You’re already perfect.” Jeonghan reassured you, holding your chin to keep you from looking away from him again. You swallowed a lump in your throat.

“Such a pretty girl…” he then hummed with a smile, only making things worse. You hated how much his words impacted you—how easily they reached the parts of you you tried to keep hidden. 

“He’d be such an idiot…” he whispered, taking you in carefully. 

You avoided his gaze, unable to repress the tears that were starting to form in the corners of your eyes. You didn’t know why it hit so hard—maybe because you wanted to believe it.

“Aigooya,” Jeonghan reached out to dry your tears. “Don’t cry on me, little ducky,” he pouted before giving your cheek a soft squeeze, slowly starting to smile.

“I’ll talk you up to him, okay? I promise.” he assured you. You blinked away your tears and exhaled a breath to compose yourself, nodding as you gave him a little smile. 

“Good. Now, don’t be sad—or Jaehee will scold me for being a bad boyfriend.” he sighed, making you chuckle in the middle of all of this. 

“I’m okay… thank you, Hannie.” you sniffled.

Jeonghan cocked his head to the side at the nickname you’d given him, smirking in amusement. “I already got a nickname? I must be good at this fake boyfriend thing.” he teased you, laughing when you pushed him. 

“Ow!” he giggled. “Keep teasing me and I might start thinking you actually like me,” Jeonghan grinned, making you roll your eyes. “I’m not teasing you.” you tried not to smile. 

“Oh? Calling me that is teasing, ducky.” he put his arm around you again, smiling as he pulled you into his embrace, this time keeping you there.

“You call me that stupid nickname every two seconds and I’m the one teasing?” you looked up at him, your cheek resting against his shoulder as he kept you close. 

“I never said I wasn’t,” Jeonghan smirked, almost challenging you to say something back. 

You could feel your face starting to heat up, not knowing how to get back at him. There was a brief pause between the two of you. 

“You know,” Jeonghan then whispered, momentarily looking behind you before his sharp eyes invaded yours again. He licked his lips before glancing at yours, and the subtle action made you slightly nervous. “I know just how to get people’s attention,” the corner of his mouth rose, waiting on how you’d react. Now you were getting really nervous.

Still, you didn’t know what to say. 

Jeonghan looked perfect as he studied you, like he already knew what you were thinking. You were terrified he might. Your quietness, your hesitation… you were convinced it only enticed him. But what if you were just imagining the sudden heaviness hanging in the air?

“What, you don’t want to kiss me?” his lip threatened to curl up again, though he tried his best not to. 

Oh. 

You blinked at him in surprise, too afraid to assume that he was actually serious. 

“Jeonghan…” you whispered shyly, feeling your heart beating out of your chest. 

Jeonghan knew you weren’t saying no—he could see it in your eyes, in the way you were looking at him the same way he had been looking at you. You wanted to. He wasn’t dumb. But you were simply too timid to initiate what he’d been alluding to.

He then gently cupped your cheek, fingers burning against your warm skin as he slowly leaned in. His lips parted in a pleased smirk noticing the hazy look hiding behind your eyes, thumb swiping your cheek to lure your blown pupils to meet his, commanding your full and uttermost attention. You melted under his touch, watching his long lashes fan his cheeks as he closed them, before his lips finally met yours in a soft but long kiss.

The party was all a blur by now, fixated on the feeling of Jeonghan’s lips and his body leaning into yours. You felt hot, and maybe not just because of the alcohol in your system. Just when you started to fear he’d pull away, Jeonghan purred against your mouth, holding you tighter before tracing a line on your bottom lip with his tongue. You let him take the lead, let him do as he pleased as he left you whimpering with a mere tug of his teeth.

You realised he’s messing with you even now, feeling him smile whenever he gets a sound out of you. You didn’t care this time, finding your hand suddenly clutching his shirt at his side as Jeonghan deepened the kiss, hearing the wet smacking sounds even over the music you had already tuned out.

You kissed Jeonghan back with equal fever. You were vaguely aware of people watching—You didn’t care. You didn’t want to stop. You moaned into his mouth at the sensation, a mess of spit and teeth that had your cheeks burn with anticipation. 

It all felt a little too real—but maybe if you convinced yourself it was as real as it felt, others would believe it too. Even if Soonyoung didn’t see what was happening, word would spread eventually.

Then, he stopped. 

“Let’s go to my room,” Jeonghan whispered, linking your fingers together before getting up and pulling you with him. 

You only nodded, ignoring the quiet sting of something unfinished as he led you through the body of people, away from the rowdy living room. 

You’d gotten what Jeonghan had promised—something to make all of this seem believable. And getting seen leaving together was the icing on the cake. 

Your lips still tingled from the kiss, though you tried not to show how much Jeonghan had unraveled you as you entered his bedroom together. You were finally away from the party, and you could let yourself relax now. You exhaled a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding before smiling, feeling Jeonghan’s eyes on you as you kicked off your shoes and crawled onto his bed. 

“Mission accomplished,” you joked, lying down with a groan and stretching out your limbs to get comfortable.

Jeonghan didn’t respond. You watched him crawl onto the bed after you, mirroring your movements. You smiled at him, expecting him to roll onto his back next to you—only to freeze when he climbed on top of you instead.

Jeonghan kissed you again. Only this time he didn’t intend on stopping.

Your breath hitched against his lips, hands finding his shoulders as you let him. 

The way his weight pressed into you made your head spin, like you were his for the taking.

His elbows framed your face, soft, long hairs brushing your face—you couldn’t think anymore. You didn’t want to think anymore.

“Jeonghan—“ you finally whispered, your body on fire as he shushed you with a long peck. You suppressed a moan and squeezed his shoulder in vain at the way he kept sucking and biting your bottom lip, a veil of pleasure spreading through every inch of you.

“Jeonghan—Wha-what are you doing?” you managed to stutter through your haze, feeling yourself practically glued to the mattress. 

Jeonghan cupped your cheeks, giving you a long peck. “Can’t help myself. Y’re just so cute,” he mumbled before kissing you again, sighing when you started kissing him back.

The tips of his fingers found your skin under the hem of your top, brushing your hip almost hesitantly as if you could pull away at any moment, like any wrong move would bring you back to your senses and have you slip away from him.

You pulled him closer, sighing at the feeling of his hand slowly stroking up your side. Your back curled autonomously at the gentle caress, pressing your head into the pillow as Jeonghan ground his hips against yours.

Nimble fingers pulled up the cup of your bra, plumped pink lips pecking your ajar mouth as he squeezed your breast. You spread your thighs wider for him before pulling on the ends of his hair, kissing him hard as you started panting at the friction of his groin grinding against your clothed cunt. 

“Hannie…” you whispered, curling your back again. 

“Yes, ducky?” Jeonghan asked softly, rolling your nipple between his fingers. 

“Please…” you gulped, letting go of his hair to pull at the hem of his shirt. 

You’d never fake dated before, but you were sure you were breaking every rule in the book.

Jeonghan slowly started kissing down to your neck, only stopping to rid himself of the fabric you wanted gone. His smooth back felt soft as you shyly traced a line over the fair skin, eyes closing with a sigh when he sucked on a particularly sensitive spot where your neck met your shoulder. 

“Is this still okay?” Jeonghan whispered against your skin, his fingers splayed over your exposed stomach where your top had ridden up, softly kneading your waist. You nodded, and he softly moaned when your nails brushed the nape of his neck, tangling gently in his long hair.

You guided his lips back to yours, all signs of modesty ignored, evident in the way your tongue nastily demanded his. 

“Fuck.” Jeonghan breathed. “Can I touch you, baby?” he asked, squeezing your waist while his thumbs pushed down against the waistband of your jeans. Eagerly, you nodded. “Yes, please,” you mumbled against his lips, feeling the corners of his mouth tug up. 

You sucked on his bottom lip to silence any potential sneer that would follow, smiling at the hushed curse that followed. 

Jeonghan kept kissing you as he undid the button of your jeans, fingers dipping into the fabric to tug them down to your knees. 

The short sensation of his body grinding against you had already left a mess between your legs, leaving a subtle dark patch on your panties. 

You didn’t give Jeonghan much of an opportunity to pull away from you, mewling against his mouth at the sudden feeling of his fingers slowly starting to rub your clit. 

Your body started meeting his touch, hips following his movement as your jaw slacked. 

Jeonghan softly hummed, brown eyes fixated on your face as he kept pecking your top lip. 

“More, Hannie…” your chest tightened when you met his eye, a heavy veil settling over your body as the weight of what the two of you were doing sank in.

Jeonghan looked down at you, taking a beat too long to respond as if he had realized the exact same thing. Then he smiled—almost smirking before applying more pressure. 

You moaned, squeezing your eyes shut for a quick second before giving him a hard kiss. You softly shook your head. “More.” you told him again, a short wave of anxiety seeping through your body that instantly disappeared again when he dipped his fingers inside of your panties, finally touching you where you needed him.

“Is this better?” he whispered, smiling when you gave him this look, begging for him to kiss you properly again. 

“Yes,” you said almost inaudibly, your nails raking over the back of his neck at the feeling of his soft lips pushing against yours. 

He circled your clit with his thumb, his fingers taunting your burning entrance. 

You spread your thighs even further, hoping it would lead to him pushing his fingers deep inside of you already. 

Instead, Jeonghan took his time teasing your clit and entrance, thumb pushing into your nub as two of his fingers brushed against your wet hole. 

Your hands slid to his cheeks, cupping his face before moaning into his mouth. You could feel him smile at the sounds he was inciting out of you, only spurring the both of you on more. 

His digits pushed against your entrance, starting to dip inside of you before stopping right when you started to feel your entrance burn. They slipped back against your wet entrance, a chuckle rolling out of his throat when you exhaled a breath of frustration. 

“Say please,” Jeonghan purred against your lips, now completely abandoning your core to gently pinch your clit. You exhaled another breath, brows furrowing while your cheeks grew hotter. 

“Jeonghan…” you whispered, squeezing his shoulder in hopes of having him give in to you. 

“Come on, just like you did before,” he continued, failing to hide how much he enjoyed the reaction he had on you.

You sighed, feeling as if you were cloud nine as he started nibbling on your bottom lip. 

“Please…” you gulped, imagining his long fingers pushing inside of you. 

“Good girl,” Jeonghan mumbled, his hot tongue finding yours before he did just that, two digits starting to slowly enter you. A moan filled the air, your breath hitching as your pussy stretched to accommodate his fingers. 

He moved them at a slow pace, opening his eyes to watch you wither under him. A sight he didn’t want to ever forget. 

“Does that feel good, ducky?” Jeonghan whispered, brushing your lips with his. You quickly nodded, trying to keep kissing him despite the overwhelming pleasure that kept building, putting you in a trance. 

He went a bit faster, forehead touching yours as his eyes remained glued to your face. Your eyelashes fanned your cheeks, lips twitching and mouth unfurling with every delicious drag of his fingers. 

“Mmnh!” you whimpered and bucked your hips when he circled your hard clit, making your thighs twitch at the friction. You tightened around him, clutching his shoulder and pulling him flat against your body as some sort of anchor. 

You gasped for air, sliding a leg over his hip before pushing yours up, chasing the orgasm you felt approaching quickly. 

Jeonghan kissed your nose before going even faster, dying to watch you come around his fingers. 

You bit your lip, squeezing your eyes shut as pleasure bloomed inside of you, consuming you as you reached your high with another loud whimper. 

“Fuck,” you moaned, sighing as your thigh unhooked from his hip and slid back down on the mattress. 

Jeonghan kissed your cheek, slowly pulling his fingers out of you before sucking them clean while looking at you. He had you speechless. 

“Are you okay?” Jeonghan asked softly, your eyes fixated on his plump lips. Slowly, you nodded, feeling slightly unsure as you pecked his lips. Jeonghan smiled. 

“You’re cute,” he chuckled, fixing the wild strands of your hair before moving to push himself up. Your hand quickly found his bicep.

“No.” you slipped out, eyes wide and hazy as you looked at him. 

Jeonghan tilted his head, blinking slowly. Then he smiled in amusement. “Aren’t you tired, baby?” Jeonghan teased you, his muscles relaxing as he found his previous position again. 

You shook your head. 

“Do you… do you want to?” you asked a bit unsure, only hoping you weren’t embarrassing yourself. What if the moment was just that—a moment that had now passed. 

Jeonghan laughed, giving you a chaste kiss. 

“Are you serious? Do you even know how hard I am right now?” he chuckled when you replied with a nod, stroking your cheek with the back of his hand before pushing himself up at last. 

You watched him unbuckle his belt, admiring his pretty body whilst he rid himself of his pants. Your eyes followed a path down to his boxers, swallowing a lump in your throat at what you were seeing. 

You didn’t expect just how big he were, even with the dark piece of fabric that was still covering his manhood. 

“Are you gonna take it off for me?” Jeonghan asked you, his sultry voice and bedroom eyes making your chest thump. Those eyes of his would have you do anything he asked of you. 

You suddenly realized you were still lying down with your pants half on, shyly tugging them down together with your panties before discarding them on the floor. You kneeled on the bed, crawling over to where Jeonghan was to push him down and settle between his thighs. 

He watched you slip off your top over your head, your bra thrown on the growing pile to the side. 

You bit your lip as Jeonghan admired your naked body, his hand reaching out to stroke your thigh. 

“You’re so pretty,” he whispered, squeezing your skin. You gave him a small smile, trying to exhale a controlled breath as your fingers splayed over his lower tummy. 

“You’re pretty too.” Your lip twitched, eyes leaving his to glide down his figure, your digits hooking into his boxers to pull at the stretchy band. 

“Thank you, ducky.” Jeonghan hummed, licking his lips as he watched you get him fully naked. 

Your lungs filled up with air when you saw his large cock, the tip glistening and leaking pre-cum already. You weren’t sure if you were able to fit all of him inside of you, and the mere thought of it sinking deep inside made you gulp. In a good way. 

Quickly, your hand wrapped around the base, your lips parting as you leaned down a little to let a glob of spit drip down onto the red tip. 

Jeonghan sighed, his eyes narrowing as he watched you carefully. 

You spread the wetness all over his length, the dirty sounds filling the air even over the subtle music off in the distance. Jeonghan’s body relaxed under your touch, his mouth slightly open as he breathed deeper. 

The sight in front of you had your cunt tighten around nothing. You didn’t care that you weren’t supposed to do this. Right now you needed to feel him. 

Jeonghan’s hands found your waist, his breath hitching when you straddled him and fisted his hard cock to align the tip against your folds. You kissed him, softly moaning against his lips as you ground your cunt against him. 

Slowly but gradually, you started sinking down, a mixture of your moans filling the air. 

He was so big, and you struggled to accommodate his thick tip. “Slow down.” Jeonghan groaned, throwing his head back to release a filthy whimper as you ignored him and did your best to keep going. 

“Fuck,” you moaned, clencing around his size fruitlessly. You held his shoulders to support yourself, your hips stuttering when you finally sat down on him. You exhaled a shaky breath before rolling your hips, the overstimulation killing you. 

You moaned again, feeling him press right onto your G-spot. 

He looked so effortlessly pretty like this. The strands of his long hair framed his face, tongue peeking out from plump lips as his chest adorned a new red-colored flush. You could feel him tighten his grip on your waist, big eyes watching you. 

You found a steady rhythm, trying your best to keep yourself from cumming already—which proved to be harder than anything.

A yelp came out of you when his thumb brushed your clit just like before, your jaw slacking at the newfound pleasure running through your body. “Fuck, Jeonghan,” you gulped hard, biting your lip and moaning when he thrusted up once to meet you. 

“You feel so fucking good, ducky,” Jeonghan moaned, yanking you down by your shoulder to have your chests meet. He put an arm around you, keeping you pressed against you as he planted his feet down on the mattress to fuck up into you. You whimpered hard. 

“Sorry, sorry, just need you now,” he groaned, his cheek pressing against your crown. 

You squeezed his shoulders, whimpering uncontrollably as he kept a head-spinning pace. You pressed your mouth against his neck, making him curse as your teeth found his skin. 

Jeonghan gripped your ass, kneading the skin as the filthy sounds echoed through his bedroom. 

Anyone walking past would be able to hear what was happening, and yet you really didn’t care. You were sure Jeonghan didn’t care.

Your body felt on fire, the feeling of his hands gripping you to keep you from moving leaving you breathless.

Then, he rolled you onto your back, pinning your arms above your head by your wrists as he started fucking you again. Jeonghan licked his lips, watching you wither under him with a pair of hazy eyes to match his. 

God, he was big. He stretched you out so deliciously, so perfectly. You squeezed your eyes shut when his mouth encircled your nipple, sucking and biting carelessly to take you apart even further. 

“Fuck. Gonna cum soon. Can’t take it anymore,” Jeonghan groaned, sucking and leaving a train of love bites from your tit to your neck. You bit your lip and nodded, sighing at how full you felt. You were right there with him, your muscles burning and your cunt pulsing as that familiar feeling spread through your body. 

“D-don’t pull out.” you gulped, curling your back before moaning. 

Jeonghan gave you a kiss. “Have to, baby,” he told you, trapping your wrists with one hand as the other one found your clit again. You whimpered and squirmed under him, weakly shaking your head. 

“Please?” you sighed, bucking your hips. Jeonghan groaned as his lips found yours, his breath hitching. 

“God—Are you sure?” he asked, his thrust becoming sloppy. 

You nodded soundlessly, feeling like you were floating. As if the world around you didn’t exist.

“Yes, Hannie,” you hooked a leg around his waist, making the both of you moan in each other’s mouth. 

Jeonghan felt even deeper now, massaging your bundle of nerves until he felt you starting to cum around him. He cursed at the feeling of your tight pussy gripping his cock, your body going slack against his. He stilled as his warm cum started filling you, softly moving to fuck his release deep inside. 

You curled your back in pleasure, exhaling a long breath as you relished the dizzying feeling. 

Jeonghan let go of your wrists to cup your cheek, pressing a long kiss on your parted lips before resting his face in the crook of your neck. He stroked your sides as he tried to catch his breath, planting more soft kisses there as his hips slowly moved against yours, before finally stopping. 

You stayed like that for a moment, feeling Jeonghan’s chest rise and fall as his cock remained lodged inside of you. Only when you started to feel your mixed release dripping from where you were joined he slowly lifted his hips to let his cock fall out of you. 

You bit your lip at the feeling, already missing the closeness you shared. 

Jeonghan sat up and fixed his hair before helping you up, holding your hand as he wordlessly walked to the bathroom with you. 

“Are you okay, ducky?” he asked softly after running the shower. You gave him a smile, nodding. “I’m good, Hannie. Are you?” you asked him, your smile growing when he nodded. 

“Of course,” he squeezed your cheek before signaling for you to enter the shower, watching you step inside before following you. 

Sunlight warmed your face, the fraternity oddly quiet compared to the night before. You rubbed your tired eyes before turning to an already awake Jeonghan, blinking at the ceiling as if he was deep in thought. 

“Hey,” you said softly, cuddling up next to him. 

Jeonghan smiled, putting his arm around you. 

“Hi ducky.” he sweetly rubbed your back, tracing patterns on his shirt you were wearing. 

You tried not to think too much about what had happened between you two. You weren’t ready to face the consequences of your actions yet, not today at least. 

“Do you think Soonyoung saw us?” you then asked him quietly, tilting your head. 

Jeonghan got quiet for a moment, momentarily stopping the tracing on your back as he looked at you. 

“Yeah. Probably.” 

“I think so too,” you hummed, resting your face against his chest. “Hopefully,” you added before smiling, closing your eyes again. 

“Right.” Jeonghan looked at you, his fingers finding your hair again. 

You didn’t realize how quiet the room had gotten again. 

The distant laughing and shouting from the group of boys running around at the school’s football field brought a surprisingly comforting atmosphere–almost calming as the ball got kicked around from left to right.

Your eyes easily found Soonyoung’s figure. He was hard to miss. Maybe you were just naturally drawn to him, despite the doubt that had started growing inside of your head. 

It had merely started as a tiny seed, a speck of uncertainty that had grown into something bigger—clouding your mind ever since that day not long ago. The same day where you ended up sleeping with Jeonghan. 

It had only been a few days since then, but you just couldn’t figure out why you were starting to fear this plan of Jeonghan somehow working. 

It’s not that you had even an inkling of trust in this plan—that hadn’t progressed one bit, mind you—It was just that Jeonghan seemed to have some kind of magical power to get whatever he wanted. 

He was alluring. A pretty face that knew just what to say and when to say it was truly a deadly combination. You were sure he could convince you to jump in a ditch if he smiled at you right. 

Maybe you were right to enjoy your time with Jeonghan while you figured out what you really wanted. It was no use to put an end to it now—not when your new friendship with Jeonghan was making you feel a lot happier than you’ve been for the past few years. Nothing wrong with that, right?

“Keep still,” Jeonghan teasingly pulled you back by your lock of hair he was braiding, snapping you out of your train of thought. 

“Ow!” you complained with a pout, giggling when Jeonghan tsked at your obvious exaggeration. 

You were sitting in front of his body with your legs crossed, plucking at the blades of grass that tickled the palms of your hands. 

“Didn’t you like football, Hannie?” you frowned as your eyes followed the flock of boys running around, ignoring how he sighed whenever you moved too much for his liking. He hummed, carefully tying the bottom of your braid before finally letting go of your hair. 

You quickly turned your head, Jeonghan watching your braid snapping to the side as you looked back at him. 

“Then why aren’t you playing?” you asked him, watching him chuckle at you before carefully moving your braid over your shoulder. 

“Can’t I spend time with my girlfriend?” he smirked at you, laughing when you rolled your eyes. “I’m being serious,” you sighed, scooting to sit next to him. “Me too.” Jeonghan grinned, draping his arm around your shoulder right as Soonyoung giggled in the background. You briefly glanced at him, exhaling in amusement as you watched him laugh, running to the other side of the field with others hot on his heels, kicking the ball in the direction of the goal.

Your eyes naturally found Jeonghan again, watching the corners of his mouth lift up as you made eye contact. For some reason the energy felt heavier in this moment, and you were overly aware of how close you were sitting. You could feel his chest expand as he breathed, smell the peach shampoo off his dark hair—or the subtle peppery, bergamot scent from his perfume that mixed in whenever he moved.

You gave him a half-smile before quickly diverting your gaze down back to the grass, routinely pulling at the blades again. 

“Did you—Did you ever talk to him?” you scrunched your eyebrows momentarily as you broke the silence, shortly looking at Jeonghan before watching the blades of grass in your hand get carried away by the wind.

“Hm?” Jeonghan leaned into you at your question, his fingers finding the end of your braid to toy with.

“I mean—Did you talk to Soonyoung for me?” you clarified, looking at him sparingly.

“Oh—right. Yeah, I did,” He told you, making you kind of worried with the way he didn’t share more. 

“And…?” You asked unsure, feeling more and more insecure by the second. Even the possibility of catching Soonyoung’s eye after all of these years brought goosebumps to your skin.

“He said you’re insanely cute,” Jeonghan told you, watching your reaction. 

You blinked in surprise, your lips forming a subtle pout as you took in his words. Slowly, you nodded, flashing Jeonghan a small smile. “Really?” you asked him, caught off guard. Jeonghan nodded, making you giggle by squeezing your cheek. “Yes, really. I mean, who could ever resist you? It was bound to happen eventually,” he shrugged, making you cringe and bump your shoulder into his chest. 

Truth was, Jeonghan was lying straight through his teeth. He had never talked with Soonyoung about you after making his promise to you. He was never planning on it, either. He didn’t know why, but for some reason he just didn’t want to. Maybe it was selfish of him, but he didn’t want to put an end to this fake relationship. Not when being with you felt like remembering something warm from a dream he didn’t want to forget.

“Hey guys!” Soonyoung exclaimed happily as he ran up to Jeonghan and you, a football tucked under his arm. “Did you see me score?!” he carelessly dropped the football before plopping down on the grass in front of the two of you, letting the ball roll a bit before settling beside him.

“Oh, of course we did Soonyoungie!” Jeonghan smiled at him, and you felt his hand find your shoulder again as he fed him the little white lie. “You did so well,” 

You watched Soonyoung, his cute eyes progressively getting smaller upon getting praised by his older friend. He giggled sweetly, meeting your eye as he smiled open-mouthed, like a puppy waiting to get a treat.  

“You were great,” you nodded at him, your body responding to having him in front of you after finding out what he’d supposedly said about you.  

“Thank you, y/n!” Soonyoung giggled again, pouting in satisfaction. He looked almost shy, yet his demeanor quickly changed when he realised he actually came to ask something.

“Oh—Mingyu and I were thinking of cooking some meat and having drinks at home. You guys are coming too, right?” he looked between Jeonghan and you, his face relaxed as he expected you’d say yes. 

You opened your mouth to answer, but Jeonghan started speaking right before you got the chance to. “We are actually about to head to y/n’s place, right ducky?” Jeonghan asked with his mouth dangerously close to your ear, his fingers starting to stroke your shoulder over your top. 

You looked over at Jeonghan for a second before looking at Soonyoung. “We were?” you blinked dumbly before realising Jeonghan had made it up on the spot. He chuckled. “Yeah, we were going to work on the project for a bit,” he simply said, and if you didn’t know any better you’d believe him.

“Argh, the project?” Soonyoung scratched behind his ear, smiling playfully.

“Mhm,” Jeonghan only smiled. 

“Well, maybe you guys could come after? Seungcheol hyung got us a bunch of weed, it’s gonna be fun!” Soonyoung pushed himself up from the floor as he boasted about tonight, hoping to convince his hyung.

“Yeah, maybe,” Jeonghan said uninterestedly, patting your back before the two of you mimicked the blonde-haired boy and got up from the grass.

As you walked the opposite direction of Soonyoung, exiting the somewhat crowded football field while bumping shoulders with Jeonghan, you found yourself sneaking a look at his pretty face.  

His big eyes always drew you in, making you smile as you called his name. There was a hint of playfulness behind his eyes as he looked at you, as if he’d already predicted your action. 

“Work on the project?” you only said, cocking up your eyebrow in curiosity. 

Jeonghan chuckled, shrugging. “I want to hang out with you,” he admitted. “Just us two.” he added, smiling. “Why, did you want to be with Soonyoungie?” he smirked, his hand bumping against yours. He looked down for a second before looking back at you. 

You looked away, failing to hide your smile. “I mean, isn’t that the whole reason why we’re doing this?” you chuckled, hearing him silently giggle. “Sure,” he hummed, smiling cheekily. 

Jeonghan silently grabbed your wrist when the distance between you became too big for his liking, closing his eyes in a smile when you looked up at the sudden touch. 

“We can go hang with them later, how does that sound ducky?” Jeonghan asked, his tone one of a kindergarten teacher affirming a small child. You hummed, and when Jeonghan silently linked your pinkies together you tried to remain calm. Collected. 

“We’ll see,” you said, sneaking a look down at your hands. 

Jeonghan almost grinned when he noticed, liking how you tried to act cool, as if you felt normal about it. Only, you could tell what he was doing, mustering up your courage to convince him you did feel very much normal about linking pinkies with him. 

“You do know Soonyoung isn’t around, huh?” you gave him a look, smiling when he did too. 

“I know,” he simply said. “But others might see us. It’s called being prepared, baby.” he purred, making you roll your eyes, though you couldn’t hide your amusement even if you tried. 

“Whatever.” you sighed, making the corners of Jeonghan’s mouth twitch. 

“Are you just going to stand there or are you going to help me?” you narrowed your eyes at Jeonghan, who was currently busying himself with smelling each bottle of perfume you had in your possession. 

“Found my favorite,” Jeonghan turned to show you the perfume you usually wore, taking his time spraying it on his wrist and letting it dry down before smelling it on his skin. He sighed in contentment, smiling before setting it back. 

“It smells best on you,” he concluded with a small shrug before finally walking towards you, sighing when he actually saw you with your laptop open. 

“You really want to work on the project?” He took a seat next to you on the bed before crossing his arms over his chest. You gave him a look. “You mean the project you haven’t worked on for a single minute? Yeah,” you looked at him, making Jeonghan throw his head back in a sigh. “You know I’ve actually helped a lot, smartypants.” 

You chuckled. “Yeah, by bossing us around maybe.” you cocked up your eyebrow at him, making Jeonghan scoff in disbelief. “Alright, Miss know-it-all. What have you done, then?” he sighed, smiling at you. 

You shrugged, letting him snatch your laptop from your lap. He scrolled through the webpage that was open, brows furrowing slightly as he took everything in. 

“Wait, ducky, did you code this?” he looked at you, slightly raising his eyebrows as he waited for your reply. You only nodded. 

“Huh,” he exclaimed, blinking at the screen. “How did you do that? Isn’t that like—hard?” he frowned. “I didn’t know you could do this,” he continued, a smile growing on his lips. 

You rolled your eyes at him. “Well, I am majoring in software engineering, Jeonghan,” you explained, watching a pout grow on his face. 

“Wow, I didn’t know that. How did I not know? You’re so talented, y/nnie,” Jeonghan smiled cheekily, pinching your cheek in affection. You whined as you slapped his hand away, laughing at him. “You never asked,” you chuckled, feeling a little shy. 

“Mhm, you’re right. I guess I didn’t…” he clicked his tongue, remembering how he had never really spoken to you prior to getting paired together for the project, how getting to know you had been the least of his worries back then. 

He smiled watching you trying not to sulk, finding it cute that you were obviously thinking about his past indifference as well. 

“M sorry about that, ducky. I know I annoyed you a lot in the past,” Jeonghan looked at you, fingers instinctively finding your braid again. He ran the pad of his thumb down the textured hair, his eyelashes fluttering as he blinked slowly. 

You rolled your eyes playfully, the corners of your mouth tugging up as you realized how much you despised him then. That same smirk that used to irk you whenever you caught Jeonghan’s mischievous expression from the back of class was now the very reason you felt so alive. 

“You still annoy me,” you bit your lip trying to hide your smile, laughter bubbling from your throat when your words seemed to catch him off guard, his mouth opening in an ‘o’. 

“You’re so gonna regret that.” Jeonghan smirked, quickly setting aside your laptop to tickle you. You let out a scream, trying to squirm away as his fingers crept up your sides to your armpits. 

“Jeonghan! Stop!” you laughed, your body instinctively flinching from the attack. 

Jeonghan giggled, his eyes almost manic as he relished in the reaction he was getting out of you. “My god, I don't think I’ve ever gotten you this loud, ducky,” Jeonghan smirked, getting one more squeal out of you before allowing you to grab his wrists to stop him. 

The boy in front of you definitely did not realize how his words evoked a certain memory with you, cheeks growing hotter as you’re forced to replay the images you’d been actively pushing away for days. 

You let go of his wrists when he spoke, “Alright, let’s work on this project then,” he hummed, completely oblivious as he opened your laptop. 

You caught yourself looking directly at his mouth, a shameful kind of tingle spreading through your body. You forced your eyes away, looking at your lap instead. You missed his mouth, his kisses. You think you could kiss Jeonghan for hours if he let you. Oh my god, focus, you thought to yourself.

“You okay?” Jeonghan cocked up his brow as he noticed your tense body. You nodded. 

“God, I hate this. Okay, whatever,” Jeonghan trailed off as he scrolled through your notes, already dreading having to waste his energy on school. “Did you know I once bribed a teacher so I didn’t have to do a group project?” he briefly looked up to catch your reaction, hiding a smirk as he started typing something. 

“What?” You barely caught what he said, gulping when he started laughing out loud. “Just kidding. But it sounded quite believable, right?” he licked his lips, a lock of his hair falling in his eye. 

You were sitting so close to each other. You only had to lean in and you could experience the same dizzying sensation of meeting his warm lips again. 

So, you did. Jeonghan blinked in surprise when you gave him a chaste kiss, high on adrenaline and drunk on your desires, not giving him a chance to react before kissing him for a second time.

A part of you felt like crying, unable to place all the different kinds of thoughts and feelings that were whirling inside of you. It was all so unfamiliar, and you felt too vulnerable. If Jeonghan were to reject your advances you were afraid of how it would all manifest. 

“y/n—“ Jeonghan’s words got muffled when you kissed him again, pushing your laptop away from his lap to kiss him properly. 

His hands found your cheeks, tongue eagerly meeting yours as his body crowded you until your back met the mattress. Before you knew it he was already on top of you. “You little minx,” Jeonghan mumbled jokingly, squeezing your face before kissing you harder. 

You knew you probably shouldn’t have initiated anything, but it all just felt so natural. You kept kissing him, sucking on his bottom lip before teasingly biting the supple skin. Jeonghan groaned, gripping your shoulders to keep you pinned below him. 

“Thought you wanted to go see Soonyoung?” Jeonghan asked, moaning when you purposely tugged on the ends of his hair. 

You shook your head, taking in a sharp breath when Jeonghan broke the kiss to tentatively encircle your throat with this hand—softly—just to see your reaction. 

He seemed oddly surprised to see the aroused look in your eyes, smirking as he softly leaned in—only to stop right before his lips made contact with yours. He giggled meanly when you tried to kiss him back, a brief veil of shame tingling your body. 

“Aw, you wanna kiss me that bad?” he cooed, pouting at you mockingly. Jeonghan loved to have you like this, all shy and nervous. So unsure. 

“Are you not gonna answer me, ducky?” Jeonghan tightened his grip on your neck a little, biting his lip as he smiled cockily watching your eyes widen. Only, he easily could tell you wanted more. 

“You like this, huh?” he grinned. 

You tried to nod. “Like anything u do, Hannie,” you admitted, making him mumble a curse in response. 

Your words only spurred him on more, and a euphoric feeling spread through his body as he watched you sprawled out underneath him with his hand fanned out over your throat. The sudden high caught him off guard. 

He gave your nose a soft kiss, softly pulling away to look at you. He paused for a moment before letting go of you, smiling apologetically when you seemed confused. 

“What’s wrong?” you whispered, frowning. 

He sighed. “I don’t know about this, ducky,” Jeonghan slowly turned on his side and moved a lock of your hair from your face, not quite knowing why he suddenly felt this odd feeling brooding inside of his chest. 

You mimicked him by turning on your side, staying quiet for a moment as you thought. “Do you… regret what happened?” you whispered, suddenly feeling insecure. 

Jeonghan shook his head. “No. No, baby. You know I want to—It’s just—We shouldn’t, you know? We’re only…” he sighed, not finishing his sentence.

You slowly nodded, but you really didn’t care about what was right and what wasn’t. You didn’t want to say it, but you having sex had been because of Jeonghan initiating first. It was his fault, so you really didn’t care. 

You leaned in to peck his pout. “I know… I do, just—just for a little bit, Hannie,” you got even closer, the tops of your fingers grazing his chest before finding their way down. Jeonghan stroked your cheek before leaning in to softly kiss you again, sighing as your hand brushed over his crotch. 

Despite knowing what was right, he wanted this too. Jeonghan needed to have you. Over and over again. 

He began to undo your jeans as your hand slipped down his, smiling as you started stroking his hardening cock. 

Jeonghan moaned at the feeling of your hand pumping his length, biting his lip whilst the tips of his fingers teased your slit over your panties. 

“No teasing.” you warned him, earning a knowing grin from the boy in front of you. 

“Alright,” he released a shaky breath, fingers easily finding your wet clit to play with. 

You were both still laying on your sides, and your head tipped back as pleasure bloomed inside of you. Jeonghan took the opportunity to kiss your neck, his teeth dragging across your skin to incite a gasp from you. 

“More, Hannie,” you whispered, angling your hips for him. 

Jeonghan sucked the skin under your ear, keeping his fingers at a set pace without straying from your bundle of nerves. He knew you’d be asking him for more soon, and that’s exactly why he didn’t plan on giving in just yet. 

You squeezed his cock at the lack of response, making him meet your eye as you began moving your hand faster. You could just tell by the look he was giving you he was up to something, sighing at him in pleasurable annoyance. 

You went even faster, earning a high-pitched whimper from Jeonghan, who still didn’t give you what you asked for. 

Agitated, you halted all movement to hook your leg over his hip, pressing your lips against his while starting to grind your cunt against his hard cock. 

Jeonghan firmly grabbed your hip, moaning against your lips as he grinded with you. 

Your tongue slipped into his warm mouth, your arms encircling his head to keep kissing him. 

Annoying, suffocating clothes found the floor, your bodies quick to find each other again after discarding all of the pieces of fabric.

“Fuck,” Jeonghan mumbled against your lips. He squeezed your ass, helping move you against him till the both of you were left panting in each other’s mouths. 

“Please, Hannie. M-more,” you moaned at the friction of his length gliding between your pussy lips, his tip rubbing your clit as his balls pressed against your entrance. 

Still, Jeonghan wanted to tease you. An image of you crying, begging for his cock haunted his head, and he needed to see that come true with his own eyes right this moment.

“Can’t,” he said between kisses, making you whine. 

“Hannie…” you tried again, nibbling on his bottom lip. 

Jeonghan smacked your ass hard, gripping your skin as he moved you harder against him. You moaned at the pain and pleasure, your hand finding a lock of his hair to hold onto. 

“Y-Yes we can.” you softly tugged on his hair, commanding his attention. You pecked his lips softly, hoping to get what you wanted. 

Jeonghan chuckled in amusement, spanking your ass again. “No.” he said, smiling at the hiss leaving your mouth. 

He took notice of you getting agitated instead, figuring if he wanted you to cry for him he needed to fuck you to tears instead. 

“Hurry, Jeonghan.” you complained in annoyance, having had enough of his games. Jeonghan hummed, giving you a soft kiss before moving a hand down to grab his hard cock. “You’re so needy,” he said in amusement before aligning his tip with your entrance, only getting a breathless sigh in response. 

He sheathed himself inside of you in one go, moaning at the feeling of your pussy. Oh, how he’d missed this. 

You whimpered at the stretch, hooking your leg tighter around his hip so it wouldn’t slide down. 

Jeonghan started kissing you roughly before beginning to thrust, wrapping his arms around you to keep you pinned against his body. You moaned against his lips, gripping his locks for support as you relished in the feeling of him fucking you. 

Still, he had this urge to be even closer to you, though he didn’t know how. Jeonghan rolled you on your back, looking into your eyes as he set a slower, much deeper pace. 

“Hannie…” you sighed, cupping his cheeks to give him a long kiss. Jeonghan smiled at you when you pulled back, resting his forehead against yours as he kept going. 

He suddenly felt the need to be gentle with you, to show you how much you had started to mean to him in such a short period of time. He couldn’t stop looking at your face—at the way your jaw tightened every time he bottomed out, or how your mouth opened and closed autonomously. Your drawn eyebrows twitched with every sound spilling out of you, the sounds like music to his ears. 

You wrapped your legs around his waist, your hips stuttering at how deep he was. “Don’t stop,” you moaned, putting your arms around his torso. You bit your lip as you looked up at him, Jeonghan’s fingers slowly stroking up your side before he wrapped his arms around your body too. You looked at each other, room quiet apart from your mixed pleasure, together with the forgotten sounds of the bed creaking. Rhythmic, deep thrusts brought you both closer to the edge, your breathing getting louder as you forgot about the outside world. Or the situation you were in. 

As you came around Jeonghan with a guttural moan, he found himself losing control. You pressed your lips to his, nails digging into his back at the peak of your orgasm. Jeonghan spilled inside of you next, holding you tighter with a groan to match yours. 

Your body squirmed, hips slowly grinding against him as you came down from your high. You peeled your lips from Jeonghan, who tried to catch his breath as you gave him a smile. 

Somewhere there, he contemplated if he’d just made love to you, blinking through his haze. Did he? Did you think so too?

He gave your cheek a peck before rolling off you, feeling your warm body seeking his. “Tired?” he asked, stroking your shoulder. You hummed while nodding, putting the covers over your bodies. 

As Jeonghan lay on his back, catching his breath and watching your blinking, tired eyes grow heavier, it suddenly all made sense to him. The stubborn unwillingness to push Soonyoung to ask you out, the selfish need to keep you close for just a tad longer, or the odd knot in his stomach whenever he looked at you. 

His eyes found your soft lips, swollen and chapped from kissing you for what felt like hours. Your mouth shyly curled up as you snuggled against him, the soft pads of your fingers stroking his chest before nuzzling your cheek against his arm. Your naked bodies pressed together, seeking closeness despite still feeling hot from the sex.

He felt it as he looked at you. A warm feeling spread through his chest, reaching every corner and crevice of his body. 

Jeonghan had fallen for you. 

Before he could stop himself he gently lifted up his hand to stroke your cheek, resisting the urge to sigh when your eyes closed instinctively. 

He also realized he had been sabotaging your chances with Soonyoung—not intentionally, of course. Or maybe it was.

Fuck, he felt bad. He felt like an asshole for being so selfish. For falling in love with you.

A part of him screamed at him to just keep going like he had been. Just for a little bit. But it felt unfair to you, despite how much he liked spending time with you. It had been so easy making you a part of his life, his routine—as natural as breathing. He didn’t want it to end.

But he knew you were doing this for one reason only. It was his problem he had fallen for you, and from now on he knew he had to help you. 

You were amazing, funny, and smart—And Soonyoung would see that too. He knew he would. He had to. And even though Soonyoung had never explicitly brought you up, you were insanely cute. 

“Hey, y/nnie?” Jeonghan whispered, secretly hoping you would be already asleep. 

“Hm?” you opened one eye before the other, making Jeonghan smile weakly as he started stroking your hair. 

He almost couldn’t get the words out, his voice seemingly stuck in his throat. He forced a cough. “Maybe it would be a good idea to ask Soonyoung out yourself,” he suggested, his tone devoid of sincerity. 

You blinked at him, your brain barely functioning with how tired you felt. 

“Really?” you whispered, failing to hide the frown creasing your brows. The words almost hurt your stomach. Even if you wanted to, you didn’t think you’d have that kind of courage. 

“Yeah. I forgot he’s kinda terrible at making the first move. He can be shy like that. He will definitely say yes, though,” Jeonghan nodded, giving you a smile. 

Slowly, you nodded too. “I hope so.” you mumbled, making Jeonghan chuckle. 

“I know so. Told you he thinks you’re cute,” 

“Alright,” a smile slowly spread over your face. Jeonghan did know Soonyoung best, and if he thought it would work then you would at least try to gather your courage. 

“Thank you, Hannie.” You kissed Jeonghan’s cheek before closing your eyes again, relaxing against his warm body as he pulled you closer. 

You couldn’t help but feel sad it would really be over like this. 

After three whole days of contemplating on how to approach Soonyoung, you were at a loss. It also didn’t help that Jeonghan hadn’t texted you at all in the last couple of days, which was unlike him. 

You chewed on your bottom lip as you sat outside on a school bench, ignoring the background noise as the people around you went on about their day. 

You really missed Jeonghan. And although you realized you had probably only played a small role in his life, and you had only started to get to know him for a short time, you grieved the time you spent together. 

You exhaled a long sigh. 

It didn’t matter anymore. This had all been for Kwon Soonyoung anyway. 

You had spotted him twice in the last few days. Once on campus, and once sitting outside on the same bench you were sitting on now. 

You were hoping he would walk by and spot you, and the conversation would flow naturally from there. A part of you was nervous you would actually see him, afraid you’d shut down and not know what to say, make a complete fool of yourself. 

At least you’d have your answer then. You could go back to your boring life to study and not go out again in the safe bubble you’d lived in your entire life. 

That had been your life, and you were happy with it. But now, the thought of going back to the way things were seemed boring to you. 

No, you needed this to work. You were done sabotaging yourself.

All the doubt, the anxiety, the newfound reluctance that had been growing—it was all merely fear of change. Fear of stepping out of your comfort zone—and maybe, even fear of happiness. 

This had all been so scary for you, so new and intense. But it would all be worth it soon. You prayed it would be.

“y/n?”

You snapped out of your haze to find Joshua standing in front of you, his lips curled up in a kind smile. 

“Oh, Joshua,” you straightened your back and smiled back at him, noticing the black-rimmed glasses sitting on his nose. Jeonghan had once joked about him wearing them as a fashion statement, and you had to stop yourself from suddenly laughing in his face like a freak when you noticed the lack of lenses in them.

Thankfully, Joshua didn’t notice the weird smile showing on your face. 

“How are you doing? I heard you’re getting cosy with Jeonghan these days,” he smirked as he sat down next to you. 

You shyly chuckled, shrugging. Though Jeonghan had audibly called what you were doing ‘fake dating’, the two of you had never explicitly mentioned the D word to anyone. Just to avoid scaring off Soonyoung. 

For some reason you felt bad for lying to Joshua. You felt like you had genuinely connected with him at the party, and though you hadn’t spent much time with him outside of that one night, you had this urge to tell him the truth. 

He wasn’t just Soonyoung or Jeonghan’s friend anymore, he felt a little like yours too. You trusted him. 

“It’s nothing,” you told him with a sigh, still pondering on what to do. Maybe a fresh perspective could give you some insight. You kinda needed someone to talk to about this, and what you and Jeonghan did was in the past now anyways.

“Oh? Sure doesn’t seem like nothing with those raunchy hickeys Jeonghan was walking around with the other day.” Joshua had a mischievous twinkle in his eye, and for a split second you could see Jeonghan in him. Maybe that's why you felt like you could be honest with him. 

Your face heated up, trying to suppress a smile as Joshua grinned at you. 

“Joshua, can I…tell you something? And promise it stays between us two?”

Joshua cocked up his brow in curiosity, but nodded nonetheless. “Of course,” he told you. 

You let out a deep sigh. “Jeonghan is helping me get with Soonyoung,” you said carefully, afraid of what Joshua might think. “It’s just for show, or whatever.” you added, watching Joshua cross his arms over his chest. 

“You’re not really together?” he asked, making you hum. 

“So it’s all for Soonyoung? It’s him you like?” he frowned, and you nodded at him. 

“Gosh, and here I thought Jeonghan finally stopped hiding that thing he had for you,” Joshua chuckled, shaking his head. You frowned at him. “Guess I was wrong,” he sighed with a smile. 

“What thing?” you leaned into him, cocking your head to the side. 

Joshua paused for a moment, blinking. “You know, the teasing in class, trying to get your reaction,” he explained as if you were aware he had actually been targeting you. 

“What do you mean? He never teased me.” you frowned. 

Joshua laughed at that. “Sure he did. He talked about you a lot, you know. How he loved getting a reaction out of you. You really never noticed?” 

You pouted, confused. “I mean, he did annoy me. But I didn’t think it was targeted to me. I don’t think it was.”

Joshua laughed again, his eyes turning smaller as he did. “It definitely was,” he told you in amusement. “I always suspected he had a little crush on you, but he would never admit it to me. Just said he liked teasing you,” Joshua shrugged. “Guess I was wrong, since he’s helping you with Soonyoung.” 

Slowly, you nodded. “Right,” you agreed. But there was an odd feeling in the pit of your stomach thinking about the concept of Jeonghan having a ‘thing’ for you. 

“You sure looked convincing, though. I’ll give you that. You’ve got everyone fooled.” 

His words didn’t reassure you like you had hoped they would. You and Jeonghan needed to look like you were into each other, but not too much. Because would Soonyoung really give you a chance if he thought Jeonghan and you were serious?

“What do you think I should do? Maybe this whole thing has gone too far already,” you chewed on your bottom lip, panic seeping through your body. You should’ve stopped after making out with Jeonghan. And you really shouldn’t have had sex with him. The speculation alone would be dangerous for your potential with Soonyoung. 

Joshua put his hand on your shoulder. “I wouldn’t worry too much, y/n. Just go hang out with Soonyoung? If it feels good go ask him out.” 

You sighed. “Alright,” you nodded. “I will.” 

Joshua chuckled and pushed himself up, fixing the strap of his leather crossbody bag before briefly looking down at his phone to check the time. 

“I’ve got to run. Tell me how it went?” he cocked up his brow. 

“Okay.” you smiled a little. “Thanks, Joshua,” 

Joshua winked at you, turning his body before quickly stopping himself and looking back at you again. 

“Oh, and y/n?” he failed to hide a grin. “Try not to sleep with your fake boyfriend.” 

You didn’t know how to react as he walked off theatrically.

As days passed, and you found yourself making more and more ridiculous excuses as to not approach Soonyoung, a sudden golden opportunity fell right in the palm of your hands. 

Maybe you manifested it, since you hadn’t stopped daydreaming about all the different ways the talk you’d inevitably needed to have would turn out. 

You were listening to some music as you did some minor grocery shopping, the basket in your hand filled with an array of fruits, vegetables, and a scandalous amount of snacks to balance everything out. 

There was a soft tap on your shoulder, and you quickly turned around expecting you’d been in someone’s way, but instead saw Soonyoung’s chubby cheeks bulge in a cute way as he smiled at you. 

You think you preferred the term God’s intervention. 

“Hi,” you smiled shyly after taking out your earbuds. 

“Hey! What’re you doing here?” Soonyoung giggled, clutching a protein bar in his hand. 

You paused briefly. “Grocery shopping?” you said slowly, earning a laugh from the boy. 

“Right. Of course.” Soonyoung laughed, peeking in your basket. “Cooking something tonight?” 

You nodded. “That’s the plan. I just needed some vegetables for my stir-fry,” you chuckled. 

“I wish I could cook. I’m banned from the kitchen,” Soonyoung scratched behind his ear, pouting. 

You laughed at that. “Did you set off the fire alarm or something?” 

“Twice...” 

You laughed again, making Soonyoung smile. “You should cook for me sometime! Maybe I can learn from you.” he chuckled, and the request alone made your ears burn. Was he…?

“Y-yeah—Sure. I’m a good teacher,” you told him, and you suddenly noticed Soonyoung was wearing his football uniform. 

“Oh. Do you have a game today?” The two of you slowly made your way to the cash register, chatting as you put your groceries on the conveyor belt. 

“Yep. I’m about the head there right now,” he explained, waiting for you as you paid for your stuff. “You remember how we used to play together in elementary school?”

You chuckled at the memory as you walked out of the store together, reliving one of those moments in a very long time. 

“The teacher didn’t allow me to play anymore at one point,” you smiled innocently, watching Soonyoung laugh out loud as he remembered exactly why. 

“Yeah, because you would always kick the ball over the fence after losing.” he giggled, making you laugh as well.

“I was a sore loser,” you admitted with a shrug, smiling as you walked together. You briefly recognized how easy your conversation flowed with Soonyoung. Maybe you’d be able to muster up your courage after all. 

“If you won’t throw our ball anymore, we can play again sometime,” Soonyoung suggested, making your stomach jump. 

“Sure,” you replied in kind, as if you didn’t struggle to keep yourself from stuttering. 

You made eye contact with Soonyoung, who smiled at you. You smiled back at him, but the corners of your mouth slowly started faltering as you realized you had to finally ask him out. You could faintly hear the yelling of a group of younger boys as you approached the football field, and you knew you had to act fast before it would already be too late. 

“Hey, Soonyoung?” you called out his name a bit insecure, slowing your steps to fully get his attention on you. 

Soonyoung lifted up his brows with that same smile, slowing down to match your pace, which came to an abrupt halt.

“Um,” you gulped. You took in a breath. “Do you… Would you like to go on a date—with me?” you inhaled deeply, trying to slow your breathing. You bit your bottom lip, already cursing yourself for your choice of words. Did you ask at the wrong time? Should you have asked differently? 

When Soonyoung’s smile faded, and a confused expression took over his handsome face, you started rambling, “I mean—I’ve liked you since we were kids and—and—If you don’t like me like that then that’s fine too. I-I just thought—“

“y/n,” Soonyoung cut you off abruptly, placing his hand on your shoulder. 

“You’re a very nice girl,” he started. You already knew what would follow. 

“And you’re truly great, like really—“ Soonyoung paused before sighing. “I’m sorry y/n. I’m kinda seeing someone…” he said quietly, and by his tone you could tell he genuinely felt bad. 

Slowly, you nodded at him. “Ah,” you forced a smile. “No worries.” you chuckled, but really you wanted to throw up. 

“I’m sorry…” Soonyoung told you again, almost pouting. 

“No—no, it’s alright,” you nodded again, not really knowing what to do next. You felt like you still wanted to ask him one thing, just so you wouldn’t spend months pondering on the what if’s. 

“Did I ever have a chance?” you asked cautiously, knowing you probably wouldn’t like the answer. 

Soonyoung blinked at the question, caught off guard. He looked down for a moment, seemingly thinking about the question before ultimately shaking his head, slowly. 

You nodded understandingly. “Okay… Well, thank you for being honest, Soonyoung,” you briefly smiled at him, clearing your throat before speaking again, “I’ll see you around. Have a good game, okay?” you watched him nod apologetically before turning to walk away, chewing on the inside of your cheek as you started walking.

It wasn’t how you’d imagined heartbreak to be. It wasn't like your heart was breaking into a million pieces, you just felt…empty. 

Tears welled in the corners of your eyes, fingers instinctively starting to reach for your phone before stopping yourself. You sniffled as you realized you had no shoulder to cry on anymore, a pitiful sob shaking your chest as you remembered Jeonghan had left you on delivered for a week. 

There was purpose in your step as you made your way straight to the fraternity, not caring about any odd looks you were getting as you cried. 

You merely wiped your face once before ringing the doorbell, trying and failing to slow your excessive breathing as you waited for the door to open. 

The door swung open with a creak, revealing Mingyu with a smile on his face. “y/n!—Oh, what’s wro-“

“Where is he?” you sniffled, not waiting for an answer as you walked straight past Mingyu’s tall frame to Jeonghan’s bedroom. 

You decided against knocking, opening the door to find Jeonghan laying on his bed scrolling on his phone. He lifted his head at the sound of the door opening, eyes widening as you walked in with wet cheeks. 

“Where have you been?” you asked rather aggressively, eyebrows tightened as you tried to keep yourself from breaking down completely. Your lips trembled, walking up to Jeonghan who pushed himself to take in your current state. 

“y/nnie… what’s wrong?” he asked, quickly getting up from the bed before your fist weakly collided against his chest. 

“Why are you ignoring me?” you cried, fresh tears beginning to stream down your face. “I-I needed you and you disappeared,” you sobbed when Jeonghan’s arms pulled you in, hiding your face against his chest as he stroked your back comfortingly. 

“I’m sorry…” Jeonghan whispered, kissing your temple before sighing. 

You closed your eyes, holding him tightly as his familiar embrace warmed your body. 

Jeonghan felt your body shake against his as you cried, pressing his cheek against your hair as his hand found your locks. “I’m sorry…” he said again, his chest burning painfully at the state you were in. 

“He likes someone else.” you told him after a beat of silence. 

Jeonghan sighed, softly shaking his head at what you were telling him. He felt horrible now, blaming himself for everything. For giving your false hope, for building up you confidence—only to watch it all crumble down before his own eyes. This wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t been selfish. 

“Fuck, y/n—I’m so sorry…” he apologized again, tightening his grip on you. 

You sniffled, shaking your head. “‘s not your fault, Jeonghan.” you whispered, only making him feel worse. 

If you only knew, Jeonghan thought. He should’ve never approached you back then. He’d spend time reflecting on his actions in the last few days as he kept his distance from you, knowing that deep down it had all been for his own self-gain. Annoying you, approaching you at the party. All along this had been about you and him, even if he didn’t realize exactly how much he liked you before he even offered to help you. 

“It’s fine,” you concluded, sighing as you tried to stop yourself from crying. “It’s nothing new,” you croaked out, your voice breaking as you failed to stop the sob spilling out of you. 

“Shh, ducky,” Jeonghan grabbed your cheeks to meet his eyes, wiping your wet cheeks with his thumbs as he looked at you. You gulped, tears brimming your pretty eyes. 

“Can I please stay?” you whispered, fishing his shirt as you looked at him pleadingly. Jeonghan nodded, pushing his forehead against yours as he closed his eyes. “Of course, baby,” he sighed before pulling away from you. 

Seeing you cry like this felt like a dagger to his chest. He wished nothing more than to take away your pain.

“You look so tired, ducky,” Jeonghan said while looking at you, wiping away another stray tear with his knuckle before nodding to his bed. “Take a nap, okay? Do you need anything? I can make you tea, or some snacks—“

“Just hold me, Hannie. Please?” you grabbed his hand, afraid he’d leave you. 

Jeonghan nodded, giving you a weak smile as you crawled into bed together. 

You sighed as you got comfortable against his chest, his warm arms already making you feel better. You nuzzled your cheek against him, resting your arm over his waist. 

You smiled when Jeonghan looked at you, smiling back at you as he stroked your hair. You couldn’t help but laugh, the corners of Jeonghan’s mouth tugging up as he watched you. “What are you laughing at, weirdo?” he softly squeezed your cheek. 

“I don’t know…” you admitted, your eyes feeling heavier as your exhaustion grew. 

“Go sleep, okay?” Jeonghan whispered, making you nod. 

You closed your eyes, softly sniffling as you became even more tired. You’d occasionally open your eyes to see Jeonghan looking back at you, your body becoming heavier as the minutes passed. 

“Hannie?” you whispered tiredly after a while, fighting to keep your eyes open as he cocked up his eyebrows. 

“Don’t leave again.” you told him, closing your eyes when he gently began to stroke your cheek. 

Jeonghan smiled sadly as he watched you sleep, your soft snores painfully familiar. He really didn’t deserve you. 

He didn’t know if he could keep promise what you were asking him, not when he had been the cause of your sadness. 

“How many times are you going to keep checking your phone?” Joshua crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned against the lockers, grinning when you glared at him. 

“I thought he would come today,” you pocketed your phone before starting to walk to your next class, Joshua humming next to you. 

“I don’t know, he seems off lately,” Joshua shrugged, making you frown. 

“He wasn’t at our project meeting today,” you pouted, resisting the urge to check your phone again. Thankfully Jeonghan wasn’t ignoring your messages anymore after seeing him, but that didn’t mean things were back to the way they were. Joshua was right, Jeonghan did seem off.

“How was that? You know, seeing Soonyoung,” Joshua asked carefully. 

You bit your lip as you thought before shrugging. “It was fine.” you said casually, making Joshua cock up a brow. 

“Really? You’re not, like, upset still?” you stopped walking once you reached your classroom, cocking your head to the side as you looked at Joshua. You then shrugged again.

“Not really…” you trailed off, pouting. “I feel oddly okay,” you nodded, giving Joshua a smile. Joshua hummed, not totally convinced. “Right,” he said, thinking. 

Truth is, you felt… good. As though a weight had been lifted from your shoulders. You also didn’t really understand why, maybe you were still in denial, but you felt like you could finally start to let go of Soonyoung.  

Joshua’s eyes strayed behind you when he spotted a figure resembling Jeonghan from the corner of his eye, watching his friend meet his eye before walking off without greeting him. Strange. 

You followed his line of vision, looking over your shoulder to see Jeonghan’s back turning around the corner.  

“Oh,” you said, perking up to give Joshua a quick look. “See you later, alright?” you told him before going to follow Jeonghan. 

Joshua watched you jog to catch up to Jeonghan, sighing with a smile as you disappeared from his vision. 

“Jeonghan!” you called once you got close to him, smiling as he turned to you, seemingly caught off guard. 

“Hey. You weren’t at our meeting today,” you said, adjusting your bag that had slipped down from the short jog. 

“Oh, y/n,” he cleared his throat awkwardly, making you frown. “I didn’t feel like coming,” he explained, his odd tone only leaving you more confused. 

“Oh, well, we could really use your help next time. It’s kinda messy without you there,” you chuckled, smiling at him. 

Jeonghan didn’t smile back at you, avoiding eye contact as he slowly opened his mouth to speak, “Listen, y/n… I’m—I’m dropping from the project,” he looked at you for a second, mumbling a ‘sorry’ before turning to enter the men’s restroom. 

His words felt like a knife to the heart. “What?” you mumbled, gulping as he disappeared again. You were starting to believe you were dumb to trust Jeonghan. Maybe this was all a game for his own entertainment after all, because why else would he just drop you like this? Right after you asked out Soonyoung? The timing of it all was odd. 

Anger bubbled up inside of you, shaking your head before following him inside. “What is your deal?” you spat, your jaw clenching as you watched him splash cold water in his face. 

Jeonghan looked at you through the mirror before turning with a sigh. “Nothing. I just—“

“Why are you lying to me?” you asked, trying your best not to cry in front of him. Your chest burned, making fists of your hands as you watched him blink dumbly. 

“I’m not lying, y/n.” Jeonghan raised his voice, only making you angrier. 

“Yes you are. Why are you being like this?” you gulped, afraid you weren’t able to hold your tears for much longer.

“I thought we were friends.” you said quietly, your voice breaking. 

Jeonghan swallowed a lump in his throat. 

“Was all the time we spent together just a lie?” you felt a tear run down your cheek, all your fears swirling around inside of you. You couldn’t help but feel like you’d lost the only thing that had made you feel so alive these past few weeks.

Jeonghan’s face hardened, his jaw tensing hearing your words. He took a step closer to you, grabbing your underarm. 

“I like you, y/n.” he said, the words making your stomach drop. 

“Can’t you see?” he added quietly. 

You didn’t know what to say, the noise in your head and the way Jeonghan was looking at you overwhelming you. You took a step back, slowly shaking your head as you made sense of it all. The lights in the bathroom were too bright, the sounds of the people in the hallway too loud. You could hear your heart pounding out of your chest and you wondered if Jeonghan could hear it too—you needed to leave. 

Jeonghan took a step forward again, not ready to let you go before finally laying his heart bare. “Stop having a crush on Soonyoung.” he whispered pleadingly, softly grabbing your hand in his. Your breath hitched.

“And come back to me.” his frustration softened into a plea, big eyes plagued with vulnerability as he waited for your reaction.

You can’t do this. 

You pulled your hand away, not saying a word as you rushed out of the bathroom, leaving Jeonghan by himself.

Tears clouded your vision, your head spinning and mind running as you rushed home. You couldn’t help but wonder if this had been the whole reason Jeonghan had offered to help you with Soonyoung. A part of you told yourself Jeonghan wasn’t that kind of person, yet you couldn’t confidently say you wouldn't have done the same. 

What did he even see in you? For how long had he liked you? And was he ever even helping you?

You hid under the covers in your bed, the warmth of the blanket comforting you a bit as you cried soundlessly. Why didn’t you feel angry? 

Maybe it had something to do with you not being upset after getting rejected by Soonyoung.

Did you even really want Soonyoung? Or maybe you just liked the idea of being wanted by someone.

You exhaled a shaky breath, hugging your pillow to your chest. You were so confused by everything. You knew you should feel some kind of way about this—whether it be anger or resentment—but the only thing you really wanted was to be hanging out with Jeonghan again. You imagined how things were before they all went wrong—talking, laughing for hours. Falling asleep next to him. 

His absence had hollowed you out these past few days. Soonyoung had never made you feel special. But Jeonghan… Jeonghan saw you. Everything you’d been longing for had been so easy for him to give. 

Maybe if you hadn’t been so wrapped up in the idea of liking Soonyoung, you would’ve seen what was in front of you all along. Maybe if this whole thing hadn’t started as a lie, your feelings would’ve been easier to untangle. But the one thing you couldn’t ignore was that you couldn’t lose Jeonghan.

The sky had darkened once you finally forced yourself out of your bed, dried tears decorating your cheeks as you rumbled through your bag to snatch your laptop. Maybe some trashy reality tv would help distract you.

As you lifted the laptop, a familiar object tumbled on the floor, rolling until it stilled in front of you. 

You lip twitched seeing your duck pen, your stomach twisting painfully. You bend down to pick it up, looking at it for a moment before taking in a sharp breath, lifting your arm to launch it straight against the wall with a pitiful whine. 

“Woah! What the hell?” Jaehee stood in the opened doorway with a puzzled look on her face, taking a second to evaluate the current state she’d found you in before slowly closing the door behind her. 

“What’s going on in here? Are you okay?” she pouted before engulfing you in a tight hug. You shook your head, sighing and resting your face against her shoulder. 

“Talk to me.” she whispered, rubbing your back. 

“You’ll think I’m crazy,” you sighed.

“I just paid a witch to curse Mingyu. I can handle crazy,” Jae let go of you to sit down on the bed with you, grinning at the cackle leaving your mouth.   

“Fuck—okay,” you rubbed your face. “Long story short: Jeonghan and I were never a thing. It was all a ploy to get Soonyoung. I asked him out a couple of days ago but he rejected me—“ Knowing how long you’d liked Soonyoung for, Jaehee already started pouting. “—But I’m fine—Oh, and Jeonghan just told me he likes me and then I ran away.” you finish with a sigh, making Jae’s eyes widen in surprise at the sudden twist. 

“That’s a lot to unpack,” she started, looking at you. “I don’t suppose you’re throwing stuff because you don’t like him back and feel incredibly sorry for it?” she asked almost sarcastically, crossing her arms over her chest.

You sighed and shook your head.

“So you do like him? Then what’s the problem?”

You blinked at her. “I… I don’t know,” you frowned, looking down at your lap. “It’s not that simple.”

Jae raised a brow. “What’s not simple? You like him, he likes you. Where’s the disaster in that?”

“You make it sound so easy,” you muttered.

She let out a breath, then softened, reaching for your hand. “y/n, you really need to stop thinking so much.” A small smile tugged at her lips.

You sighed. “It’s just—I don’t think I allowed myself to feel what I felt when I was with Jeonghan. I pushed it away, convinced myself all of those feelings were fake since they were supposed to be. What if I give it a shot and find out I was right?”

“You’re too stuck in your own head. I’ve seen the two of you. You can’t fake the way you look at each other—unless you’re both Oscar-worthy actors, which I seriously doubt,” she chuckled.

You bit your lip, slowly nodding.

“Well, text him.” Jaehee bumped her shoulder against yours, your chest tightening at the thought of Jeonghan. Your face grew hot.

“Text him to come over,” she encouraged you, the corners of her mouth lifting up. You shifted on the bed, pouting as you thought it over. 

Jae sighed at your apprehension and pulled out her phone, her nails tapping against the screen as she typed. 

“What are you doing?” you asked meekly, watching your friend turn off her phone with a satisfied expression on her face. “He’ll be here soon.” she only told you, her hands resting in her lap demurely. 

You blinked in surprise. “Huh?” you frowned. “Wha-What did you just send him?” you tried to reach for her phone, but Jaehee hastily got up from your bed moving her finger at you disapprovingly. “Nah-ah,” she sang, barely making an effort to hide the smirk on her face. 

“Jae.” you warned her, pushing yourself up slowly. 

“It’s nothing bad, promise! I just let him know that I can’t find you anywhere and your location is turned off,” she shrugged, making you gasp. 

“That’s not nothing!” you raised your voice, crossing your arms over your chest with a sigh. 

Jaehee exhaled a breath, giving you a smile as she hugged you again. “Don’t panic. Don’t you deserve to figure out what you’re really feeling?” she whispered, patting your head. You knew she was right. You nodded.

“Remember how it felt being his friend and just go from there,” she created some space between your bodies to look at you, smiling when you whispered a soft ‘okay.’ 

The two of you gave each other a look at the sound of a notification, reading Jeonghan’s ‘omw now’ message together. 

“He won’t take long,” Jae told you, making you inhale a sharp breath. “I’ll meet him at the door, okay? Just—Just wait here, y/n.” she said, looking at you for a second before starting to leave your bedroom.

The room fell quiet after that, your nerves buzzing louder than anything else. You couldn’t sit still, shifting on the bed as your mind raced. Every second felt like forever—until a knock sounded at the door.

“y/n?!” Jeonghan rushed inside with a panicked look on his face, eyebrows drawn with a pair of big eyes meeting yours. “Are you okay?” he sighed, visibly relaxing at the sight of you unharmed. 

You gulped, looking at him for a moment before abruptly getting up. You hastily grabbed the duck pencil from the floor and shoved it into his hand. 

“I don’t want this back.” you said firmly, your jaw clenching as you looked at him with manic eyes. 

He froze, staring at the object in his palm with confusion before lifting his gaze to you. Your anger faltered when you met his eyes, his pretty face making your own features soften despite yourself. 

You gave him a small, sad smile. 

“Hannie…” you whispered, tears burning in the corners of your eyes.

Your lip shook, pushing your face against his chest before you could stop yourself.

“I told you to never leave me again…” you mumbled, smiling at his familiar, comforting scent despite your tears. You put your arms around his body, embracing him tightly. “Please don’t…” you looked up at him, vulnerability creeping in at what you were saying.

Jeonghan only looked at you, his pink lips slightly ajar before meeting together in a subtle pout. 

You realized it then, how oblivious you had been this entire time. How you needed Jeonghan as much as you needed air. How much you couldn’t live without him—and, finally, how much you loved him.  

 “y/n…” Jeonghan whispered, really hoping he wasn’t wrong about what you were getting at.

Your lips curled up in a smile, softly cupping his cheeks before pulling him down to meet your lips with his. Jeonghan gasped against your mouth, wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you as close as he could have you.  

You bit your lip shyly when you finally pulled away, seeing Jeonghan smile back at you in a way that made your chest tighten.

“I like you too, Hannie,” you said softly, reaching for his hand to link your fingers together. Jeonghan’s eyes shrunk as he smiled at you, keeping his free arm wrapped around you to keep you pressed close against him. 

“You like me, ducky?” he asked dumbfounded, squeezing your hand in his.

You shyly looked away, your smile growing wider as you nodded. “Yes…yes I do…” you told him, your face burning when you looked at him again. 

“I didn’t even want to think about Soonyoung, because—because you were there. I didn’t want our time to end, Jeonghan.” you whispered, frowning. “The thought of losing you… I couldn’t do it. I just need you.” you confessed, gulping nervously. 

Jeonghan giggled hearing your words, leaning in to kiss you hard. “Fuck, I’m such an idiot. I should’ve just asked you out from the start.” he breathed, pecking your lips again. 

He pulled away to look at you, a hint of vulnerability creeping in his big eyes. “You really like me?” he asked again, his lips curling up in a shy smile as he looked at you expectantly. 

You gently stroked his cheeks, your body tingling as you nodded. Looking at him, you couldn’t believe this was actually happening. 

“Yes, Hannie.” You sighed, your heart beating out of your chest. 

Jeonghan hugged you tightly, and somehow you were starting to feel emotional—the feeling reminded you of the first time he had held you in his bedroom. It felt as if you were coming home to a warm home after a long rainy day. It felt like drinking your favorite brand of coffee after a vacation, or having a dream you didn’t want to wake up from. 

You closed your eyes and listened to his heartbeat, slowly calming down from all of the adrenaline. 

You suddenly remembered what Joshua had told you, breaking the silence with a sudden silent laugh. 

“Hm?” Jeonghan stroked your hair, smiling as he imagined what you could be thinking of. 

“Did you try to annoy me on purpose? I mean—In class?” you pulled back to look at Jeonghan’s face, watching him blink at you in confusion before slowly grinning mischievously.

“Of course. Loved to see how many angry looks I could get from you,” he smiled, making you tsk. “I think I already kinda liked you back then, even if I didn’t realize,” he admitted with a chuckle. “You were always so polite. Even if you were shy you would smile at everyone,” his smile widened as he imagined it in his head.

“You really got on my nerves.” you hit his arm, making him only smile wider. 

“Yeah?” he teased you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders before giving you a kiss. 

“So you don’t want me to stay?” he asked, cocking his head to the side with a playful smile. 

You tried to hide how giddy you felt, your cheeks burning at his question. 

“Well, ducky?” he prodded, half teasing, half hoping you’d give him the green light. 

You got close enough to kiss him again, feeling Jeonghan sigh against your lips as you slowly pushed him back on the bed with you. 

The kiss deepened until all you could taste was him, warm and steady, the kind of sweetness that was becoming harder to imagine ever living without. Hands groped and lingered, yanking down fabric until the heat radiating off your bodies mixed together. 

Jeonghan rolled on top of you, taking his time kissing you from your lips down to your belly button as his eyes admired the sight of you. You bit your lip feeling his tongue lick a slow stripe on your upper thigh before inching down to your pussy, softly gasping when his warm tongue found your clit. 

Despite you not talking, you could feel that warm energy filling up the room, consuming you whole as Jeonghan savored you. You knew he felt it too, gentle fingertips brushing against your sides, hazed eyes watching you gasp and moan attentively.  

Your body writhed feeling him go faster, biting your lip as your tummy burned. Before you would find yourself lost in the deep end, your shaky hand reached for Jeonghan’s to stop him. 

If you were gonna cum, you wanted to do so with him. You needed him as close as you could have him, cupping his cheeks to bring him on top of you. 

“Yeah?” Jeonghan whispered against your mouth in the middle of a kiss, making you nod. “Yeah.” you answered, pecking his lips as you looked in his eyes. 

Jeonghan glided his tip over your entrance, collecting your wetness before slowly inching in, stretching you deliciously before bottoming out. 

“God,” Jeonghan breathed, pushing his lips against yours with an almost desperate plea while slowly starting to grind against you. 

You moaned fruitlessly when he set a faster pace, making Jeonghan echo your sounds at the way you were squeezing his cock. “C’mere,” he sighed, moving your legs over his thighs to feel you even deeper. Jeonghan linked your fingers together, pinning them down on the mattress as he licked into you. 

“Hannie,” you squeezed his hands, feeling the muscles in your body tighten. You think you could already cum like this, closer to him than you’ve ever been. 

Jeonghan nodded, sucking on your bottom lip hard enough to form a bruise. All you could hear were your breaths and whimpers, and all you could feel was the closeness you shared. 

“Cum, baby. Cum for me?” he asked breathlessly, going faster again. You let out a loud moan, nodding in agreement as the sound of skin slapping echoed through the room. 

“Fuck.” you whimpered, squirming against him as pleasure overtook you. You moaned again as you came around his cock, feeling Jeonghan’s warmth erupt inside of you as your walls clenched around him fruitlessly. 

Your head spun, Jeonghan’s whimpers falling on deaf ears before grounding you with a soft kiss. 

“I love you.” Jeonghan whispered out of breath, blinking as he looked at you with big eyes. 

A shy smile spread over your face, your chest tightening at the words coming out of his mouth. 

“I love you.” you whispered back, feeling as if this moment weren’t real. 

Jeonghan’s lips curved up into the smallest, almost disbelieving smile before he hid his face in the crook of your neck. He gently let go of your hands to embrace you instead, peppering kisses on your shoulder. 

“You’re mine now—for real this time.” Jeonghan said, lifting his head to look at you again. A smirk tugged at his features, humming at the smiley, almost shy nod you gave him. 

“My girlfriend,” he giggled sweetly, giving your cheek a kiss. 

“My ducky.” he whispered, nuzzling his forehead against yours. 

“Hannie…” you laughed, but you couldn’t contain the smile playing on your lips. 

He has an arm draped around your shoulder, unintentionally (though it may be intentionally) gluing you to his side. His body heat and his soft, citrusy, musky scent envelop you in a blanket of serenity in spite of your slightly chaotic surroundings: Chan and Seungkwan singing at the tops of their lungs, the others either singing along or whooping out cheers. 

Seungcheol joins in too, adding some of his own ad-libs in true main rapper style. Then, ever so often, his attention falls entirely on you again, as though in his drunken stupor he’d forgotten you were next to him.

“Hiii,” he chimes in that stupidly cute tone of his, his dimples showing themselves. It's whiplash-inducing how, with all of his bulging muscles and what are usually fierce facial features, he manages to melt into something completely and utterly adorable.

“Are you having fun, Seungcheollie?” you ask, leaning in closer to him so that your voice carries over the commotion. 

“Of course,” he says, his smile smile a little dazed, but there's honey dripping from his lips and his eyes as he stares at you. “Are you, baby?” 

“Of course,” you parrot.

He pulls you in close to him, planting a loud, sloppy kiss to your temple. There’s a pulse of warmth in your chest, a skip of your heartbeat that occurs no matter how often he dotes on you like this. Even after years, how could you possibly grow tired of him pouring his affection out for you so easily, knowing it's reserved for no one else but you?

“My favourite girl,” he says, nuzzling his face against your cheek. Personal space is always a mere suggestion to him, but when he's drunk, the concept vanishes.

“Yah, Coups-hyung, stop being a parasite,” Mingyu yells from the other end of the table. 

You laugh, waving a dismissive hand at Mingyu while Seungcheol's grip on you tightens. It feels like with each sip of soju that he takes, his eyelids get heavier, his lips get poutier, his words become whinier, and most importantly, he gets impossibly touchier.

For drunk Seungcheol, though, there’s a thin line between him being affectionate and turning… needy. 

The next time he turns to you, it’s as Seungkwan and Chan are singing Sistar's "SHAKE IT". It's a little out of their vocal ranges, even Seungkwan's, but that never stops them. Nor does it stop you from pretending you're serenading your boyfriend with "baby, love me, love me, love me now," and "make it louder," while haphazardly doing the choreography, which is hard when it's mostly made up of butt wiggling and hip swivelling and you're sitting down.

It's enough for Seungcheol's mind to start racing just from hearing you sing the lyrics, however. His cheeks and ears that are already red from the alcohol grow even more blood-flushed. His hazy eyes turn hungry, gazing at you like the world has fallen away and only you are left.

He tugs you towards him again, his lips ghosting over the shell of your ear as he murmurs, "you're teasing."

You give him a smug smile, only for him to bring you towards him again.

"Let's go home."

And Seungcheol is good at sounding like he's sobered up, his voice like an incubus' the way it makes you clench your thighs together, but you know that the second he stands up he will be stumbling.

"Why do you wanna go home, Cheollie?" you ask, your voice soft, as though you're speaking to a toddler.

"Because I want you," he groans, rubbing his nose against your neck.

"Hey. No," you scold, talking to a dog now, grabbing him by his cheeks so he can see your stern look. "Can't do that here."

"Can I do it at home?" he barters, jutting his bottom lip out, giving you his big baby cow eyes.

You sigh, and it hits you that this is what he has to deal with when you're drunk. Because it is usually your thing: you're doing the drinking and he's doing the caretaking.

Maybe he has had enough. You worry what will happen if he takes one more shot.

"We'll see," you say, but you already know you're putting him straight to bed. You rise to your feet, beckoning him to follow you. "Come on. Say your goodbyes."

"Everyone, we're goinggg," he sings, giddy as he springs to his feet, your hands rushing to grasp his arm immediately to steady him.

"Wait, wait, why are you going?" Seungkwan asks, the loudest amongst a chorus of mumbled protests.

"Because Seungcheollie's getting old and it's his bedtime," you quip, pulling your jacket on and unlocking your phone so you can order a taxi.

"Bedtime," he repeats, winking at his friends.

You peer up at him with an unamused look, watching his face momentarily fill with fear, then you turn to stare at his group. You're deadpan as you shake your head, earning some laughs from them. They've always been entertained by how well their leader listens to you— they say you've 'trained him well'. Thus, after you've both waved goodbye, they're unfazed by the image of you hauling him out of the restaurant with his arm slung around your shoulders so he can lean on you as you go.

Given that you're in the middle of the city, the taxi has already arrived by the time you get outside. You make Seungcheol clamber in first, something that will give him chills when he's sober. It's him who's supposed to get the door for you and sit in after you. You just had to ensure he didn't fall this time.

He's reckless on the way home, his warm hand rubbing up and down your thigh, drawing circles on it as he gazes out the window and watches the high-rise buildings fly by. He's either willing himself to stay awake, or he's thinking about how much—

"I love you," he utters suddenly. Now his hand has found yours and he's lacing your fingers together.

You whip your head towards him, finding him staring at you with glistening eyes. Your chest warms and you melt a little at the sight. "I love you, too, Cheollie."

"You promise?" he asks, but not because of any doubt. You know him well enough to know that he's just after the extra assurance.

"I promise," you tell him without hesitation, squeezing his hand.

When you get home, you drag him straight to bed, which is easy when he's curled around you like a koala. He's mumbling, talking for the sake of talking, telling you anecdotes and reminders of his schedules for the week as you strip him of his outfit.

"Baby, I'd love to have sex, but I'm drunk," he says, a sudden contradiction to his behaviour at the restaurant.

"Good thing we're both going to bed, then, huh?" you reply, handing him his plaid pyjama set and turning to work on unclothing yourself.

"Okay. I'm tired," he mumbles as he crawls under the covers. He forces himself to keep his eyes open while you take off your makeup and do your skincare routine despite how hard sleep tries to lull him away.

Finally, you're done, so you dive underneath the duvet and snuggle up to him, his arms snaking around your waist instinctively and pulling you flush against his warm body. He buries his face in your neck, peppering it with soft, chaste kisses— and you don't scold him this time.

Soonyoung's eyes lit up as soon as he saw you, catching you off guard with a sudden, friendly hug. 

"You know y/n?" Seokmin cocked up his eyebrows, watching his older friend nearly crush a seemingly random girl from class. 

"Of course! We went to elementary and middle school together." he smiled, finally letting go of you. You hoped they couldn’t tell just how flustered the embrace had made you, your eyes blinking as you tried to regain composure.

“What a crazy coincidence! I didn’t know we’re going to the same college,” Soonyoung chuckled, shrugging off his backpack before mindlessly taking a seat next to you. 

You almost pouted at his words. Whilst you were very aware of his presence, Soonyoung didn’t seem to have been aware of yours.   

“Yeah, crazy.” you laughed it off, trying not to sound too awkward. “I didn’t know you were in this class…” you trailed off, blindly opening your laptop. 

Seokmin exhaled an amused breath. “Because he skips all his classes.” he said, taking a seat next to Soonyoung. 

“Hey, not all… I just hate Business Management.” the boy sighed, pouting as he rummaged through his worn down backpack. 

You fought a smile hearing them banter, shyly looking down at your laptop screen. 

"Alright, if the little reunion is over let's just start and get this over with, hm?" Jeonghan grumbled, forced to sit on the other side of you.  

You tried not to roll your eyes, the two others simply humming in agreement.

It took a near hour to decide on a solid plan, taking note of all the important topics and details. The dynamic between the group of friends had you surprisingly amused to say the least, catching yourself chuckling along to the little jabs the friends aimed at each other. 

"Okay, so, Seokmin," Jeonghan pointed his pen at him. "You will pick a company to help us with formulating three products." his pen moved to Soonyoung. "You'll design the logo of our website and the color scheme." 

The ball point pen moved to you now. "y/n, you'll design our website. Just pick some template on one of those website builders. Make it look pretty, but please, no pink." he sighed.

Your lips pressed together, feeling slightly agitated at his words. Make it look pretty, you're sure he was aware of how condescending he sounded, not even acknowledging the fact your major was software development. 

"What will you do, hyung?" Soonyoung asked, and you were more than curious to know this too.

Jeonghan clicked his pen, looking over at his friend. 

"I'll set up the meetings, oversee all your work and help where help is needed." he said, slumping in his chair. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes.

The two others seemed content with his answer. You didn’t argue with that, not having the energy over some stupid class you didn’t even care for. 

"Alright then." Seokmin clapped his hands together loudly, earning the attention of a few other students in the study hall. "Since Jeonghan hyung seems in such a rush to leave, let's meet up again next week?" he asked. You nodded, grabbing your backpack to put away your stuff.

"I'll make a group chat." Seokmin added, looking over to you briefly. You hummed, giving him a small smile of acknowledgement. 

Jeonghan left first, and you walked out the study hall with the two other boys by your side. 

"Oh my god, I'm so happy to see you!" Soonyoung nudged your shoulder lightly, gripping the straps of his backpack while he walked with you. You chuckled shyly. "Yeah, me too." 

You chose not to tell him how you’ve seen him around campus countless times, feeling like a bit of a loser at the way you’d been keeping your eye on him like a young girl with a schoolgirl crush—and in a way you were just that.

"We should hang out! Do you live on campus?" he asked. You made eye contact with him, smiling at his question. "I’m over at the sorority. Are you guys in the fraternity together?" 

The boys nodded. "We all are." Seokmin told you. 

"You should come to the party tomorrow, it'll be fun!" Soonyoung said. 

You'd sworn off drinking a while ago, not wanting it to get in the way of your studies, yet the offer sounded convincing enough, and the thought of getting closer to Soonyoung made your chest thump. 

"Ahh, come on! Don't tell me you've never been to one of our parties before." Soonyoung grinned when you paused, fully turning his body to you. 

A laugh escaped your mouth. "Well, I haven't. But... since you asked," you flashed him a smile, their sounds of approval hitting your ears. 

"Perfect! We'll see you there, y/n." Seokmin smiled.

Your friend sneaked an arm around your waist, pulling you into her body while the two of you walked to the fraternity a few blocks over. 

"I can't believe you're finally coming with me!" Your best friend Jaehee declared loudly. She squeezed your hip. "You have to see Mingyu tonight, he's so fucking fine. We’ve been texting for days now!" 

You rolled your eyes playfully, not too keen on meeting one of her flings again. 

When the two of you entered the fraternity, the notorious ΙΖ', you were immediately greeted by the luring smell of alcohol and weed. The large body of people were scattered all around the extensive common room, most grouped together chatting with their respective friends in the open space between the kitchen and living room. 

Your face scrunched a bit trying to adjust to the loud music, your friend immediately dragging you to a corner where a group was hanging out.

"Jae!" the loud voices greeted your friend excitedly, the tallest of them instinctively putting an arm around her. 

She welcomed them with a smile, moving to pull you right next to her. "Guys, this is y/n!” she grinned. “y/n, this is Mingyu," she looked at the handsome boy next to her before pointing to the others. "Joshua, Eunwoo and Jeonghan." You made eye contact with Jeonghan, his big eyes already staring back at you.

"Hi y/n, it’s nice to meet you. Did you finally decide to join us?" Joshua smiled, giving your shoulder a small squeeze. You met his gaze, his sweet eyes resembling those of crescent moons as he smiled at you.

You didn’t know whether to feel thankful your friend had seemingly been so openly talking about you, but you were happy you were being welcomed so warmly. You returned his smile, nodding before speaking, "Yeah... It looks like you got quite the party here." you chuckled. 

"I told you it'd be fun!" Jaehee lighty shoved you, a loud voice suddenly interrupting your conversation. 

"Hey! You made it!" Soonyoung squeezed between you and Joshua, a smile on his sweet face while he settled his gaze on you. Your body instantly became warm, and you swallowed a lump in your throat not knowing what to say. You could tell by the flush on his cheeks he was a few drinks ahead of you. 

"Let's take a shot!" he exclaimed happily, handing you a full shot glass you hadn’t seen him hold before. His gaze turned a bit more serious as if he realized something, hectic eyes frantically looking around as his lips pressed together in a tight line. 

His eyes lit up as soon as a certain person walked by, and he snatched a full glass of booze from their hands with an innocent giggle. "Thanks Jihoonie!" he laughed, earning him a blank stare from the guy, who carried on walking, uninterested. 

You laughed as he clinked his glass against yours, downing the entire cocktail down quickly. You watched him for a second before deciding to take the shot, the bitter taste making you cringe. 

The group in front of you didn’t seem too concerned by what was happening, already wrapped back up in whatever conversation they had before you and Jae joined them. 

"You want another? Or maybe a mixed drink? I’m good at those," Soonyoung put his hand on your shoulder, looking at the kitchen for a moment before settling his hazy eyes back on you. 

“If you don’t make it too strong,” you smiled timidly, the words leaving your lips before you could even think them over. Soonyoung gave you a sharp nod, disappearing into the crowd.

Your eyes briefly met Jeonghan again before clumsily looking over at your friend, who seemed too busy to talk to you.

“You know Soonyoung?” Joshua closed the space between the two of you again, face angled down close to yours.

You nodded. “We went to the same school when we were kids,” you told him, playing with the empty shot glass in your hands. He chuckled. “Wow, what a coincidence.” He took a drag of his vape, the fruity cloud of smoke dancing above you. You nodded. “Yeah, we were grouped together for a Business Management project.”

“Business Management? Doesn’t Jeonghan also take that class?” he looked over to his friend, who looked up at the mention of his name. You nodded, telling him Jeonghan and Seokmin were all in your group as well.

“Good luck with that.” Joshua grinned knowingly. “I wouldn’t be able to focus much with those three bickering all the time.” he snickered, looking at his friend who just rolled his eyes.

You smiled. “So far so good.” You hoped to at least get a smile from the boy in front of you, deciding the grudge you held against him might have been a little unfair to him. But Jeonghan dismissed your kindness by ignoring you completely, instead saying something to Eunwoo beside him.

You resisted the urge to show your newfound irritation, shifting your attention back to Joshua.

From the corner of your eye you saw Eunwoo nod, and the two of them left quietly, leaving you four in the corner.

Joshua really knew how to make you feel comfortable, striking up a conversation with you about your majors and some of your interests, the exchange soon shifting into your shared hobby of baking.

When Mingyu and Jae disappeared after a heated make out session you and Joshua briefly cringed at, the two of you were the only ones left. Joshua soon dragged you to the backyard to smoke, joking alcohol made him crave cigarettes.

You were seated on one of the couches outside, a full glass of alcohol in your hand that one of the hosts, Joshua’s friend, had poured you—reminding you of the drink Soonyoung had promised you before, most likely, drunkenly having forgotten about it.

Just shortly after the realization you coincidentally spotted him, and your stomach turned when you saw what exactly was going on. Soonyoung was making out with some girl on the other side of the garden, tongue and all, making you see green with jealousy. 

Your innocent crush might’ve not been completely innocent—not when the sight in your peripheral vision impacted you this much.

Your glass was empty now, and you set it on the table in front of you to push yourself up. This caught the attention of Joshua, who’d been busily chatting with the random people you’d grouped up with outside for the last half hour.

“Are you leaving?” Joshua put his hand around your wrist, looking up at you with a frown on his face.

“I don’t feel so good, I need some water,” you told him, making him loosen his grip on you. You had this weird urge to isolate yourself—to flee. “Are you okay? I can get it for you.” His eyes softened upon hearing your words.

You shook your head. “It’s okay, thanks Joshua. I’ll be right back.” you shot him an assuring smile before quickly walking back inside, right past the kitchen to the corridor.

Fuck. Why did you feel so jealous over Soonyoung? It’s not like you were ever close to him. 

Maybe you’d been an idiot hoping to catch Soonyoung’s attention, not when he barely paid any attention to you in the first place. He never noticed you in school. The secret glances, soft laughter you tried to hold in whenever he and his friends joked around in class. He didn’t even know you were attending the same college, for god's sake.

Now you felt even worse. You decided to walk straight outside through the front door—away. 

“Leaving already?”

You jumped at the sudden voice, eyes locking with Jeonghan who you saw leaning against the white brick house. He eyed you with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“Fuck, you scared me.” you instinctively pressed your hand against your thumping chest. Jeonghan seemed to observe you carefully, eyebrows furrowed like he was deep in thought.

“Everything okay?” he suddenly asked you. The question surprised you. Jeonghan didn’t seem the type to entertain people he didn’t care about. 

“Um, yeah,” you responded meekly. “Just going home.” you shrugged, fully ready to walk off. 

Jeonghan hummed, pushing himself off the wall to get a bit closer to you. You stopped moving, your shoulders slumping a little while looking at him. Jeonghan checking up on you was as odd as it was out of character, but continuing to want to talk to you? By choice? You were stunned.

“Let me guess,” he smiled, clearly already very amused by whatever was about to come out of his mouth. “This has something to do with Soonyoung.” He almost grinned, and his arms remained crossed as he waited for your reaction.

The look on your face only made him smile wider, looking like he had won the lottery.

“I knew I would be right.” he mumbled under his breath, chuckling in an irritating way. “I’m good at this…” he seemed amused, waiting for you to defend yourself. 

You forced yourself to laugh, shifting your weight awkwardly as the stiff sound croaked out of you. “What are you talking about?” you held your breath awaiting his next words, but some part of you knew he had you right where he wanted you. 

“I mean,” the look in his eyes shifted into something you couldn’t describe. “You have a thing for Soonyoung. It’s very obvious.”

Your chest felt tight. Was is really that noticeable?

“For…for Soonyoung?” you laughed as if his take had been completely wrong. “Why would you think that?” you continued, the quirk of his lip only sputtering you on more. You hoped he couldn’t notice how flustered you were becoming. 

Jeonghan laughed, the nasal sound ripping from his throat surprising you. You realized you’d never seen this side to him—almost happy. 

“I can help you.” 

Your eye twitched. There was a brief silence as Jeonghan anticipated your response, his mouth slightly agape as his eyebrows rose. 

“Huh?”

Your confusion made him giggle, dropping his arms down next to his body to fully close the space between you. “Listen,” he started, licking his lips. “I will help you get Soonyoung.” You were suddenly feeling very self-conscious having him so close to you. 

“I’m not surprised he hasn’t noticed, since he’s oblivious as it is,” he continued. You looked away at his words, chewing on the inside of your cheek. 

“He’s one of my best friends, so it won’t be that hard.” he hummed, taking you in. 

You forced yourself to look back into his eyes, a silent exhale passing through your lips. This had to be some kind of setup. There had to be something behind it he wasn’t telling you.

“Who says I want your help?” you glared at him, furrowing your eyebrows. 

Jeonghan seemed to like your answer, a wide smile spreading on his face.

“Suit yourself. I’ll tell him about your little crush myself.”

Your eyes widened a bit, looking at him in disbelief. 

“Why do you even care that much, Jeonghan?” you crossed your arms, a part of you knowing very well he would happily inform his friend of your stupid secret. 

“I’m bored.” he simply grinned, his expression one of an evil mastermind.

Despite already having agreed with Jeonghan beforehand, you felt nervous about sitting next to him in class. You liked sitting near the front, a bit meticulous about having little to no distractions while taking your notes and listening to whatever your teacher had to say. 

Jeonghan always sat in the far back of the class, less caring about the lesson and more about doing whatever it was he was back there. You could always hear him snicker about something, probably because of Soonyoung or Seokmin, treating the hour-long lesson like their own personal bar despite already living together and practically being together most of their time. 

Today you sat in the back, jumping in your seat when Jeonghan loudly dropped his bag on the table next to you. You snapped out of your daze, looking up to see the boy already smirking at you. 

“You didn’t chicken out,” he observed aloud, as if he thought you would actually back out of his genius plan to catch Soonyoung’s attention. As if the threat of not listening to him didn’t come with consequences.

“I’m a little surprised to be honest.” he chuckled, sitting down next to you. 

You sighed, following him with your eyes. “Why?” you decided to take the bait. Jeonghan only smiled. “Nevermind. It’ll be more fun this way.” he hummed, carelessly throwing his phone down on the table. “I already have some things in mind, you’ll see,” 

You didn’t even want to imagine what he was implying, rolling your eyes before pulling out your notebook and pen. 

“Aigoo.” Jeonghan laughed seeing your pastel pink pen, the top decorated with a cute little duck. Your cheeks burned. 

Before you could protest he snatched it from your hand, giggling as he observed it up close. 

“How cute. Did you name him?” he grinned, loving how embarrassed you looked. “No.” you hissed, trying to get it back from him. Jeonghan tsked with a smile, avoiding your hand before excitedly scooting closer to you. 

He held the pen right front of you, wiggling it in front of your face as he started speaking with a high pitched voice. “Please save me from Hannie! I feel so sad without you, y/n.” he laughed at himself, spinning the duck’s head towards him. 

He cleared his throat, giving the object a serious look. “I’ll keep you with me today, but I promise I will give you back to y/n later. Now, tell her goodbye.” 

“Seriously?” you grumbled, watching him put the duck back in front of your face. 

“Bye y/nnie! See you later!” he said in the same, annoying voice, making a loud kissing sound as he briefly pressed the duck’s beak against your lips. 

“Jeonghan!” you complained, pushing his arm away as he laughed. Right as you did so, Soonyoung and Seokmin walked in, the latter visibly surprised you were sitting next to Jeonghan. 

“Oh, y/n!” Soonyoung smiled, plopping down in the seat in front of Jeonghan. You smiled at him, suddenly feeling very conscious of Jeonghan’s little plan—which he failed to explain the exact logistics of. 

“Hi guys.” Seokmin greeted. He sat down in front of you, his back turned to you as he rumbled through his backpack. 

“Hyung, didn’t you say you disliked y/n?” Soonyoung asked, leaning over the backrest of the chair as he looked at his friend obliviously. By his tone you could tell he didn’t mean it in a bad way, he was genuinely interested. Soonyoung always had a way of blurting out whatever he had on his mind. 

Jeonghan cocked up his eyebrows, giving you a quick look that was met with a subtle glare. “What? Of course not.” he coolly dismissed his friend’s words. 

Soonyoung had a subtle pout in his face, looking around as if he was thinking for a moment. “But you said she’s-“

“I don’t dislike y/n.” Jeonghan roughly cut him off, giving him a stern look. Soonyoung giggled, giving you a warm smile that had you malfunctioning for a moment “I think it’s good you’re becoming friends!” he said, then quickly turned around when the teacher announced herself. 

“I’m not too fond of you either, you know.” you grumbled lowly to Jeonghan, making him chuckle. “Aw, did I hurt your feelings? I’m sorry. Promise we’ll have a great time together from now.” 

You rolled your eyes again. “Whatever.” you sighed in defeat, forcing yourself to pay attention to the class. 

The lesson carried on like normal, but your mind kept wandering. You were a little worried about whatever Jeonghan had in store for you, fearing the worst. How would he even be able to help you with Soonyoung? Was this all some ploy to embarrass you in front of his friends?

Deep in thought, you failed to notice Jeonghan leaning into you, flinching when he suddenly put his hand on your knee. “Thinking of me?” he whispered. His breath hit your ear, making the hairs on your arms stand up. 

“What are you doing?” you asked quietly, keeping your eyes on the teacher and hoping she wouldn’t notice what was happening. 

“Don’t you trust me?” Jeonghan’s voice carried a hint of amusement, and you could practically hear him smile as he spoke. “No.” you admitted quickly. Jeonghan chuckled. “Relax, this is all part of it.” he gently squeezed your knee, making you pout a little. The action had you meet his eye, yet you barely turned to him, not wanting it to seem like you were talking to him in the middle of class. 

“Come closer. You have to at least put in an effort if you want Soonyoung to think we’re dating.” Jeonghan whispered, pulling you closer towards him by your knee. 

Your eyes widened, looking at him in bewilderment as you felt his side pressing into yours. “D-dating?” you almost gasped. “Yeah?” Jeonghan said as if you were stupid. “How else do you want to catch his attention?” he said, like it was obvious this is what you were going to do from the start. 

“Like, suddenly? It’ll be weird.” you mumbled, ignoring the heat radiating off his body. Jeonghan shrugged. “We don’t actually tell anyone we’re ‘dating’. They just need to speculate that there’s something going on between us—and it's Soonyoung. He’ll believe anything.” His hand moved from your knee to hang over the backrest of your seat, trying to appear somewhat close to you. 

“Watch.” he looked at the front of the class for a moment before leaning back in to reach your ear. “Look at our teacher. Don’t you think it’s funny how she always wears those ugly shoes with that gap between her big toes?” you caught sight of what he was talking about, wheezing at his description. “The loafers? They’re kinda popular right now…” 

Jeonghan smiled. “They look like hooves. Hideous.” that made you laugh, catching Soonyoung briefly looking back at the two of you. “I want to burn those ugly horse shoes so bad.” he continued, very aware of his friend now paying attention to you. 

“Guys,” Soonyoung whispered to the two of you, a little smile on his face. “Ignore him.” Jeonghan whispered. 

“Popular or not, I need them gone.” he continued as if he didn’t hear Soonyoung. 

“Hey, guys,” Soonyoung said a bit louder, leaning over. 

“Hmm?” Jeonghan cocked up his eyebrows, turning his head to the boy. 

“What’re you laughing at?” he asked, hoping to join in on the fun. You allowed yourself to look at Soonyoung now too, waiting for Jeonghan to speak. 

“Huh? Oh, nothing…” Jeonghan giggled, putting his hand on your shoulder. Soonyoung pouted a little, softly nodding before looking back in front of him again, figuring whatever you were whispering about wasn’t anything of importance.

“See?” Jeonghan lowly said, a smirk tugging on his mouth. You didn’t reply, watching him play with your pen in his free hand. 

You couldn’t focus for the duration of the class, looking down at your blank notebook realizing you hadn’t been taking any notes, despite Jeonghan putting his pencil on your desk. His fingers played with the fabric of your shirt, not paying you any mind as he listened to the teacher. 

After the hour-long lesson Jeonghan waited for you to gather your stuff, Soonyoung and Seokmin already exiting the classroom as per Jeonghan’s request to not wait up for him. 

It felt oddly good getting all this attention suddenly, despite it coming from someone you had disliked for a year. Jeonghan really wasn’t as bad as you’d made him out to be, and a part of you liked being included in his circle and getting closer to him. It also made you nervous, never fully knowing what to expect from him.

“That was… interesting.” you told Jeonghan, looking up at him. He stood next to you with his arms crossed over his chest. You zipped up your bag, starting to walk out of the classroom with him. “Of course, told you it would work.” Jeonghan simply said, slowly walking through the hallway. “It would’ve even been better if you weren’t so awkward.” he sighed, looking at you. Your neck burned a bit, avoiding his eyes. You hadn’t realized you were being awkward.

“Meet me at the frat after you finish all of your classes.” 

“What?” you frowned at his words. 

Jeonghan had a blank look on his face. “Am I speaking french? You have to get used to us being together.” he said almost boredly, halting in front of your next class. You blinked at him before slowly nodding. It wouldn’t hurt to make it seem more believable. “Alright.” you said quietly. 

The corners of his mouth rose, winking at you before starting to walk off.  

“See you later!” he called over his shoulder, leaving you to ponder on what he’d planned.

A strange feeling settled in your stomach as you waited for Jeonghan in front of the big house, looking around the street observantly. 

The street wasn’t too busy, but there was a different atmosphere over at the frat row. The possibility of seeing all these boys—probably all friends with each other—was enough to make you nervous. You didn’t trust them, and you weren’t convinced any of them would see you as their equal—not for any societal reasons per se, but because you barely made any noise in the typical tight-knit college community on campus. 

It had been different being together with your friend last weekend, a fickle but comforting energy knowing you weren’t alone, even if it had only been for a little while before she disappeared with Mingyu. You’d had time to settle. 

Safe to say you felt out of place this time around. 

The sudden sound of the door opening then drew your attention.

“There’s my little ducky.” Jeonghan grinned, motioning for you to come in. He laughed at the look you were giving him, slamming the door shut before leading the way. 

Your worries seemed to melt away already, but you still felt somewhat nervous at the possibility of having to meet new people. 

“You still didn’t give me back my pen,” you told him as you blindly followed. He smiled as he walked past the kitchen to the hallway, looking back at you for a moment. “I’m keeping it,” he said casually.

You sighed in defeat, more focused on your surroundings than to give him a proper reply. The house was mostly quiet, and thankfully you didn’t see anyone apart from hearing muffled voices from whatever room you were passing by. 

“Could you walk any slower?” Jeonghan cocked up his eyebrows waiting for you to enter the opened door of his bedroom. You rolled your eyes at him. 

Once inside you started to become aware of where he’d taken you, looking around his room while chewing on your bottom lip. 

It looked like any other ordinary bedroom, spare for the few knick-knacks and the collection of shoes in the corner. There were tubs of skin care and school books on his desk, and some discarded clothes draped over his chair. 

“So… is Soonyoung home?” you asked carefully, not really sure why you were in his bedroom with him. 

“No,” Jeonghan said as he took a seat on his bed, simply watching you. 

You looked at him, gulping. “Oh…” you said softly, progressively getting more flustered as he held eye contact with you.  

Jeonghan chuckled, motioning for you to come closer. “Come here,” he extended his arm, patiently waiting for you to grab his hand. “This is just practice. You have to get used to us touching, ducky.” he smiled cheekily, watching you hesitantly close the space. 

He had a point. You told yourself it wasn’t a big deal, but you still felt overwhelmingly nervous as you grabbed his hand. Vulnerable. As you felt his skin, you noticed how long his eyelashes were, the sharp inner corners of his big eyes complimenting his pretty brown irises. His hand felt warm, but you felt weird. It was strangely intimate for some reason, and you wondered if he thought the same. 

“Don’t be so tense, y/n. Just act like you normally would.” he chuckled, pulling you closer than you already were, now standing between his parted thighs. You didn’t have anything to say to that, trying not to show how nervous you suddenly felt. 

“Why are you looking like that?” Jeonghan cocked his head to the side, reading you for a moment. “Don’t tell me you’ve never had a boyfriend before,” he grinned, already convinced this had been the reason for your silence. 

He laughed when the ghost of a pout appeared on your lips, almost making you want to pull your hand away if it weren’t for him already tightening his grip on you. 

“Cute. That’s why you’re so shy, hm?” he smiled with a wicked glint in his eyes. “Don’t mock me.” you mumbled, rolling your eyes before looking away. Jeonghan laughed again, shaking his head. “I’m not.” he lied, smiling in amusement. 

“Whatever,” you said, your eyebrows scrunched together as you looked at him again. 

“Hey, don’t be mad, ducky. I told you it’s cute.” Jeonghan hummed, suddenly wrapping his free arm around your waist and pulling you onto the bed with him. 

You gasped in surprise, bracing a hand on his chest as he pulled you closer, both arms wrapping around you as you lay curled on your side.

“You scared me!” You whined, hitting his chest. “Ow!” Jeonghan giggled, smoothing a hand over your hair. “Sorry.” he chuckled. “C’mere.” he softly urged your head to his chest before stroking your hair. 

You sighed in defeat, ignoring the knot in your stomach. “You asked me to come over to cuddle?” you sulked, not seeing why it would be of importance. 

“Yes? Things like this matter if you want us to be believable.” Jeonghan sighed, looking at you. You met his eye for a second, resisting the urge to roll your eyes again before looking out in front of you instead.

“I don’t even know why we’re doing this. I doubt it will work.” you murmured, unconsciously nuzzling your cheek against his chest. Your cheeks burned as you realized what you were doing, hoping Jeonghan wouldn’t make fun of you for it.

Jeonghan purposely tugged on the ends of your hair a bit too hard, earning him a glare whilst he just smiled. “It’s a shame you still don’t believe in my expertise.” he exhaled a long breath as if he was disappointed. “You have to be all in if you want this to succeed, ducky.” he smiled. 

“Stop calling me that,” you mumbled. “And If I remember correctly, you didn’t give me much of a choice, Jeonghan.” you then grumbled, making him laugh for a moment. You could feel his chest shake.

“Still,” he said, ignoring your first words.

You sighed. “Right.” you agreed. You just hoped it would be enough to interest the boy you’d liked since childhood. 

“I swear if you embarrass me…” you then added, looking at Jeonghan. 

He blinked slowly, just looking at you for a second. “Of course not.” he said in more seriousness, and you realized that’s all you wanted to hear from him. 

You slowly nodded. “Okay.” you almost whispered, giving him a little smile. Jeonghan smiled back at you, resting his cheek against the side of your head. 

You were both silent after that, finding comfort in each other’s embrace. It felt nice, having someone to finally hold you. 

But the comfort unsettled something, too. Truth is, you were a very lonely person. In your twenty-something years, you’d never had anyone pursue you romantically. Which you told yourself was fine—at first. But as the years passed, and those who took an interest in you somehow always ended up disappearing, you began to think something must be wrong with you. 

Still, the loneliness didn’t mean you lacked feeling. That had been the whole problem. You loved deeply, too much, sometimes so much that your fingers shook with it. It pulsed deep within you, burning to engulf and to take and keep taking. You were ashamed of the enormity of your desire, disgusted almost. You were scared that if you’d ever get a taste, you’d feast. You’d devour until nothing remained, only yourself and the wounds of your greediness. 

You thought yourself to be destructive, not to be trusted with even a sliver of it—even if a pair of warm arms around you had been all you’d ever wanted. 

You’d become too much one too many times in the past, and no one wants someone who’s too much. You told yourself love probably just wasn’t meant for you. Maybe you didn’t deserve it. At least not in this lifetime. 

You knew whatever you and Jeonghan were doing wasn’t real—not really. But a part of you had started to wonder. You could feel that same warmth you’d come to resent starting to bloom, and it scared you. You didn’t want to mess up again. Didn’t want to scare away the one person you were starting to let in.  

You blinked away tears, not because of your pain, but because Jeonghan’s embrace was bringing you so much comfort. 

“This feels nice.” you whispered, feeling a bit stupid for suddenly saying something so vulnerable. 

Maybe you really were greedy—doing all this to try to get Soonyoung, when you were convinced he would never want you anyway. Or if he did, he’d end up leaving just like everyone did.

Jeonghan hummed, oblivious to how emotional you suddenly felt. He kept stroking your hair. “Do you want to take a nap, ducky? I’m getting a bit tired,” he admitted, chuckling. You nodded against his chest, happy at the opportunity to have him like this a bit longer. 

Jeonghan pulled you even closer, sighing against your hair after closing his eyes. You carefully put your arm around him.

You tried not to overthink it anymore, closing your eyes to try to sleep. 

Not long after, Jeonghan’s breathing started slowing, and the hand that kept stroking your head now rested somewhere in your mess of hair. The rise and fall of his chest gradually helped lull you into sleep with him. 

Soft humming filled your ears, waking you up with a frown as you blinked in confusion. The sweet and airy sounds continued as you looked up at Jeonghan, suddenly remembering where you were.

Jeonghan met your gaze once you moved, the light from his phone behind your head illuminating his face as he stared back at you. He couldn’t contain his laughter seeing your tired face, letting his head fall back as he put his phone down. 

You only sighed before pushing yourself up, too dazed to curse at him already. 

It seemed like Jeonghan hadn’t moved at all as you were sleeping, silently scrolling on his phone while he had patiently waited for you to wake up. Whilst you had a nice nap, you couldn’t help feeling a bit embarrassed—and maybe ashamed—about letting yourself get so comfortable around him already. 

It took a lot of you to feel at ease around others, and you just hoped Jeonghan wouldn’t take advantage of your vulnerability despite his reassuring words.

“You woke up at a perfect time, sleepyhead.” Jeonghan smirked at you, watching you rub your eyes. 

“Why?” you asked with a frown, the boy copying you by sitting up as well. He grabbed his phone again, crossing his legs before showing you the live location of a food delivery driver entering the street. 

“You ordered food?” you looked at him. Jeonghan smiled, eyes closing in a slow nod. “I’ll be right back, ducky. Don’t miss me too much,” he tapped your nose playfully before pushing himself off the bed, chuckling at you rolling your eyes as he sauntered out of his bedroom. 

Jeonghan returned within a minute, flashing you the plastic bag with a smile before sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“I got us burgers.” he announced, pulling out two white wrappers and a bag of fries to put in between you. 

Jeonghan ate a fry, humming as he chewed while opening a packet of ketchup. “Are you hungry?” he asked, grabbing a couple of fries again. You nodded, unwrapping your burger slowly before meeting his gaze again. 

Jeonghan cocked up his eyebrows, smiling as he watched you. “What’s going on in that little head of yours?” he asked in amusement. 

You sighed, frowning for a bit as you searched for your words. 

“Do you think… we’ll even convince him?” you asked him hesitantly.

Jeonghan cocked his head to the side. “Of course we will. You don’t think so?” he took a bite of his burger, nodding his head towards yours to get you to eat already. 

“I’m not sure,” you sighed again before looking down at your cheeseburger, choosing not to further bother him with your insecurities before finally taking a big bite. 

He could tell you had more on your mind than you led on, carefully watching you as he chewed his food. Jeonghan chose not to ask too many questions—not yet. 

After finishing your food you headed back to the sorority. It was dark out, and if you stayed out for much longer your sorority sisters would undoubtedly start asking questions you didn’t want to answer. 

As you left the frat you thought about how different Jeonghan really was compared to how you’d perceived him. He was funny, and more importantly, he was kind. So kind he’d given you his jacket so you wouldn’t get cold on your walk home. It felt good being around him, as though you were finally seen. Really seen.

You zipped up the dark blue jacket, the back adorned with big white ΙΖ' lettering, smiling to yourself like a creep as you thought about all of the dumb jokes Jeonghan had fed you the whole night. 

Soonyoung sipped on his diet coke as he watched Seokmin and you work on your assignment, brown irises flickering between the two of you as he sat in silence. 

He didn’t notice the familiar jacket you’d purposely left on the table next to your laptop, or how awkwardly your frame shifted in the stiff chair beneath the buzzing lights of the study hall. 

You hadn’t been in contact with Jeonghan all day, assuming you’d see him again at the group meeting. Only he hadn’t shown up, the boys beside you mentioning how he’d told them he had been too tired to leave the house. 

It had only been half an hour since you’d started working on coding a website for your three product skincare line—a task that would be a whole lot easier if Soonyoung and Seokmin had done their part of the assignment. Which they hadn’t. 

At least you’d gotten somewhere today. The basics weren’t hard, you’d already finished most of the HTML structure and some basic CSS. To continue you needed to know what products you’d use—Seokmin’s task—and the color scheme and logo that would represent your website—which was what Soonyoung had to do. 

You reminded yourself you all had the whole semester to finish, so for now you could relax. But you felt anything but relaxed, your body on edge in the presence of Soonyoung. 

The screen of your phone lit up, your jaw ticking when you read the message. 

Yoon Jeonghan: go flirt with him ;)

You accidentally met Soonyoung’s gaze, forcing yourself to give him a stiff smile. Soonyoung smiled back at you, straightening up in his chair before motioning to your laptop. 

“Can I see?” he had a hopeful look on his face, his chubby cheeks growing in size as he smiled wider.  

Jeonghan’s words echoed in your head, sending your pulse racing. Your stomach felt tight, gulping before you nodded and turned the screen to him. Why was this so hard?

“Oh! You did all this?” Soonyoung scanned the simple website you’d created, easily impressed by your abilities. 

You nodded. “Yeah… It’ll look better after we have a logo and stuff,” you rambled, watching Soonyoung slowly pout. “Right,” he giggled, exhaling a soft breath. “I’ll get us a kick-ass logo soon, promise.” he smiled, making Seokmin chuckle in amusement. He obviously didn’t have much trust in his friend.

You called it a day soon after, feeling a bit defeated as you had no idea how to go about this. Sure, it was one thing to fake-date Soonyoung’s best friend, but without Jeonghan you had no clue how to act in front of him. You felt lost.

Things were basically the same as before—strictly friendly. That was it. 

You sighed in defeat at the scene in front of you. Small groups of random students you didn’t recognize sipped on their cheap bottles of beer, chatting away without a care in the world. 

“We won’t be long,” Jeonghan bumped your shoulder, already reading your mind. He smirked at the glare you were sending his way. “We just need to be seen together.” he explained for what seemed like the nth time, making you hum uninterested. 

The frat seemed to get rowdier by the minute as Jeonghan poured you a drink in the kitchen. A special drink, or how he’d called it. 

You didn’t want to admit it, but you were feeling nervous. It was the first time you’d so openly be seen together with Jeonghan. And you were still doubting all of it. 

It wasn’t only the inquisitive eyes of strangers you dreaded—or Soonyoung’s, it was also the fact that your best friend would come. 

You had no idea how you would convince her you’d randomly started dating Yoon Jeonghan out of all people, afraid she’d see right through you. How could she not?

Jeonghan handed you a glass with an almost black liquor, cocking up his eyebrow at you as he waited. You accepted it hesitantly before taking a big gulp. You figured you needed alcohol for this anyway. 

“God, what’s in this?” you cringed at the heavy flavor, making the boy next to you laugh. 

“You’ve never had jagermeister?” he snorted before bringing the rim to his quirked lips.  

“Straight?” your eyes widened, watching him swallow down the drink. 

“No, silly. I added coke.” he smiled, the essence from the liquor coating his lips.

You rolled your eyes, relaxing as he put his arm around you. “Calm down, ducky. You’re so on edge today,” he observed aloud, softly squeezing your shoulder. You only sighed, scanning the body of people before you. 

Almost immediately, you made eye contact with Jaehee, who excitedly walked up to Jeonghan and you. She seemed pretty smug when she noticed Jeonghan’s arm around you, tilting her eyebrows playfully as she got closer. 

“Hi y/nnie, Jeonghan,” she grinned. Jeonghan gave her a courtesy nod, smiling politely as he slid his hand down to rest atop your waist. The sensation of having his hand there caught you off guard for a moment. 

“What’s all this? You know you’re not supposed to mix business with pleasure, right?” She teased, awfully surprised at the seemingly random pairing. 

You didn’t question her reaction. Despite her not knowing about the grudge you’d held against Jeonghan for well over a year, she was very aware of your crush on Soonyoung. Which made Jeonghan and you together somewhat odd.

“Guess the cat’s out of the bag,” Jeonghan chuckled, pulling you closer to kiss the top of your head. “Had to pull out all of my charm for this one,” he continued, and you admired how well he was playing his role. 

“Oh, i’m sure. You got the pick of the litter, Yoon Jeonghan,” Jaehee winked at you as she talked you up. 

Her eyes easily found Jeonghan again. “But, make her sad once and see what happens.” Her lips pressed together in a straight line. 

Jeonghan smiled, looking down at you as if you were the only one in the room. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” he almost whispered as you met his eye. You only blinked at him, not knowing how to respond before he chuckled at you and softly nudged your cheek with the back of his fingers, leaving the skin tingling from his touch.

“I have to restock the coolers real quick before the beer bros start complaining,” Jeonghan squeezed your waist before letting go of you. “I’ll give you two a minute.” he smiled, patting your head before walking off. 

“What the fuck?!” Jaehee yell-whispered at you as you watched Jeonghan disappear. You had to remind yourself to act natural. This was all a part of the plan, after all. 

“You’re dating Jeonghan? How did that happen?” Jae crossed her arms over her chest, a pleased smirk forming on her glossy lips. 

You gave her a smile. “Oh, you know…” you brushed it off, chuckling. 

“Is this why you’ve been so off lately?” she asked, shaking her head in amazement. You frowned as you took a sip of your overpowering drink. “I haven’t been off,” you told her after finishing your glass in one gulp. 

“You so have!” she giggled, pushing your shoulder playfully. You only laughed, shrugging. “Maybe.” you pouted, giggling at the expression she was giving you. 

Jaehee shook her head again in amazement, turning to the kitchen island to pour herself a drink.

Though you did feel bad for lying, you tried not to think about it for now. You’d tell her eventually, after all of this would merely be a funny memory you’d laugh at looking back.

“So,” she started, turning back to you with a mischievous grin. “Did you have sex with him yet?” she leaned in, reading your reaction carefully. 

“Jaehee…” you rolled your eyes and laughed, trying not to seem too caught off guard at the question. The thought of it brought goosebumps to your skin, and you reached for the bottle of vodka on the counter to mask the shaky breath you suddenly had to let out. You needed it for emotional support anyway with Jeonghan not there to do the talking for you. 

“Oh, come on! You got your first boyfriend and you want me to be cool about it?” she sulked.

“I don’t want to jinx anything yet,” you told her coolly, chuckling at her sighing out loud. “Fair.” she smiled sweetly, dropping it for now.

Soonyoung hadn’t spared you a second glance after his initial greeting—a mere wave—off laughing with Seokmin and some random girl for what had already felt like hours. 

Jeonghan had been gone for a while already, and you were starting to feel restless without him. You blamed it on the scene in front of you—the way Soonyoung’s laugh echoed far too loudly at whatever the girl was telling him, his arm deliberately brushing her shirt. Your skin prickled almost painfully at the sight as you tried to pay attention to Jae’s rant about something Mingyu had done.

Still, Seokmin was right there. Equally as loud, friendly, exactly the buffer that should’ve made all of this easier to stomach. And yet… it didn’t. The restlessness lingered like a breath you couldn't fully release. An itch you couldn’t reach.

You kept glancing over at Soonyoung, but the longer you looked, the less you recognised him. The somewhat quiet, awkward kid you used to know felt like someone else entirely now. You were beginning to fear that you were chasing a past version of him, one that didn’t even exist anymore. You realised you were looking through the lens of someone who used to know him.

Maybe you were just doing this all wrong. Maybe if you were louder, or bolder—better, you wouldn’t be feeling this defeated.

There was a dull, stubborn ache in your chest that kept on growing, one that you couldn’t ignore no matter how hard you tried. The thought of doing all of this without even knowing if you still even wanted it stung, and all you wanted was to flee. All you wanted was for Jeonghan to make you laugh again.

“Fuck, okay—I’m gonna go find him,” Jaehee sighed after getting out all her pent up frustration, taking the remainder of her drink as a shot. “I’m going to confront him—remind him I’m a bad bitch who doesn’t take shit. Wish me luck.” Her jaw stiffened, eyes scanning the room to catch sight of Mingyu. 

“Good luck, girl,” you forced a smile. You really didn’t want to be by yourself right now. But you didn’t say anything, watching her sigh before getting lost in the crowd.

You had the perfect opportunity to leave the party, walk the short route back to the sorority and simply call it a night. The alcohol had made you tired anyway. 

Yet you found yourself sipping on another drink on the couch. 

You were hoping Jeonghan would come find you. Whenever you were with him you seemed to forget about everything that gnawed at you. He was quickly becoming your comfort in all of the chaos you felt. Maybe he was the cause of it, too. 

As if on cue, you spotted the long-haired boy in the sea of people. “There you are,” he said when he got close enough. His voice soothed you, and you already felt a bit better. Jeonghan slotted himself next to you on the couch with a low groan, his warm hand finding your knee as if it were natural. 

“What’s wrong?” he squeezed you when you didn’t greet him. You shrugged. 

Jeonghan looked at you for a moment, his big eyes reading you. “Is this about Soonyoung?” he blinked.

You exhaled a breath. “It’s stupid.” 

“Probably,” he said, earning a glare. Jeonghan only smiled. 

“C’mon, tell Jeonghannie,” He put his arm around you, pulling you closer to him. 

“I hate that.” you grumbled at the way he was referring to himself, making him chuckle. “Stop moping, little ducky,” he began stroking your hair..  

You sighed, chewing on your bottom lip. You just looked at him for a moment, his features softening as he noted your hesitance. 

“I don’t think I can do this,” you said carefully, frowning a little. You felt vulnerable vocalizing what’d been plaguing your mind, but somehow it eased the weight off your shoulders too.

His brown eyes didn’t leave yours, sympathy growing on his handsome face. Jeonghan then softly hummed in acknowledgment. “Why do you think that?” he simply asked.

You sighed again, looking away. “Just… It’s stupid—I don’t have a chance with him anyway,” you mumbled, making Jeonghan cock up his eyebrows. 

“Huh? Of course you do, silly,” Jeonghan softly shook you, smiling at you sparingly. He wondered why you continued to put yourself down.

You looked at him, doubt clear on your face. “I don’t think so.” you shrugged. It was Jeonghan’s turn to sigh. “Well, you’re wrong.” he fixed a stray strand of your hair, putting the lock behind your ear. 

You chuckled bitterly. “I’m not his type. I’m not… confident, or assertive… no one ever likes me,” your jaw tightened a bit as you spoke, your throat closing up.

Jeonghan frowned at you, pausing for a moment. “That’s not true y/n,” he shook his head, observing you carefully. “Like, not at all.” He sighed before gently nudging your chin, looking at you. You softly pouted, not really knowing what to say. 

“Do you even know how lucky he’d be to have you?” he added, his sweet words only making you somber. 

“He’ll see that too, so don't try to act like someone you’re not. You’re already perfect.” Jeonghan reassured you, holding your chin to keep you from looking away from him again. You swallowed a lump in your throat.

“Such a pretty girl…” he then hummed with a smile, only making things worse. You hated how much his words impacted you—how easily they reached the parts of you you tried to keep hidden. 

“He’d be such an idiot…” he whispered, taking you in carefully. 

You avoided his gaze, unable to repress the tears that were starting to form in the corners of your eyes. You didn’t know why it hit so hard—maybe because you wanted to believe it.

“Aigooya,” Jeonghan reached out to dry your tears. “Don’t cry on me, little ducky,” he pouted before giving your cheek a soft squeeze, slowly starting to smile.

“I’ll talk you up to him, okay? I promise.” he assured you. You blinked away your tears and exhaled a breath to compose yourself, nodding as you gave him a little smile. 

“Good. Now, don’t be sad—or Jaehee will scold me for being a bad boyfriend.” he sighed, making you chuckle in the middle of all of this. 

“I’m okay… thank you, Hannie.” you sniffled.

Jeonghan cocked his head to the side at the nickname you’d given him, smirking in amusement. “I already got a nickname? I must be good at this fake boyfriend thing.” he teased you, laughing when you pushed him. 

“Ow!” he giggled. “Keep teasing me and I might start thinking you actually like me,” Jeonghan grinned, making you roll your eyes. “I’m not teasing you.” you tried not to smile. 

“Oh? Calling me that is teasing, ducky.” he put his arm around you again, smiling as he pulled you into his embrace, this time keeping you there.

“You call me that stupid nickname every two seconds and I’m the one teasing?” you looked up at him, your cheek resting against his shoulder as he kept you close. 

“I never said I wasn’t,” Jeonghan smirked, almost challenging you to say something back. 

You could feel your face starting to heat up, not knowing how to get back at him. There was a brief pause between the two of you. 

“You know,” Jeonghan then whispered, momentarily looking behind you before his sharp eyes invaded yours again. He licked his lips before glancing at yours, and the subtle action made you slightly nervous. “I know just how to get people’s attention,” the corner of his mouth rose, waiting on how you’d react. Now you were getting really nervous.

Still, you didn’t know what to say. 

Jeonghan looked perfect as he studied you, like he already knew what you were thinking. You were terrified he might. Your quietness, your hesitation… you were convinced it only enticed him. But what if you were just imagining the sudden heaviness hanging in the air?

“What, you don’t want to kiss me?” his lip threatened to curl up again, though he tried his best not to. 

Oh. 

You blinked at him in surprise, too afraid to assume that he was actually serious. 

“Jeonghan…” you whispered shyly, feeling your heart beating out of your chest. 

Jeonghan knew you weren’t saying no—he could see it in your eyes, in the way you were looking at him the same way he had been looking at you. You wanted to. He wasn’t dumb. But you were simply too timid to initiate what he’d been alluding to.

He then gently cupped your cheek, fingers burning against your warm skin as he slowly leaned in. His lips parted in a pleased smirk noticing the hazy look hiding behind your eyes, thumb swiping your cheek to lure your blown pupils to meet his, commanding your full and uttermost attention. You melted under his touch, watching his long lashes fan his cheeks as he closed them, before his lips finally met yours in a soft but long kiss.

The party was all a blur by now, fixated on the feeling of Jeonghan’s lips and his body leaning into yours. You felt hot, and maybe not just because of the alcohol in your system. Just when you started to fear he’d pull away, Jeonghan purred against your mouth, holding you tighter before tracing a line on your bottom lip with his tongue. You let him take the lead, let him do as he pleased as he left you whimpering with a mere tug of his teeth.

You realised he’s messing with you even now, feeling him smile whenever he gets a sound out of you. You didn’t care this time, finding your hand suddenly clutching his shirt at his side as Jeonghan deepened the kiss, hearing the wet smacking sounds even over the music you had already tuned out.

You kissed Jeonghan back with equal fever. You were vaguely aware of people watching—You didn’t care. You didn’t want to stop. You moaned into his mouth at the sensation, a mess of spit and teeth that had your cheeks burn with anticipation. 

It all felt a little too real—but maybe if you convinced yourself it was as real as it felt, others would believe it too. Even if Soonyoung didn’t see what was happening, word would spread eventually.

Then, he stopped. 

“Let’s go to my room,” Jeonghan whispered, linking your fingers together before getting up and pulling you with him. 

You only nodded, ignoring the quiet sting of something unfinished as he led you through the body of people, away from the rowdy living room. 

You’d gotten what Jeonghan had promised—something to make all of this seem believable. And getting seen leaving together was the icing on the cake. 

Your lips still tingled from the kiss, though you tried not to show how much Jeonghan had unraveled you as you entered his bedroom together. You were finally away from the party, and you could let yourself relax now. You exhaled a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding before smiling, feeling Jeonghan’s eyes on you as you kicked off your shoes and crawled onto his bed. 

“Mission accomplished,” you joked, lying down with a groan and stretching out your limbs to get comfortable.

Jeonghan didn’t respond. You watched him crawl onto the bed after you, mirroring your movements. You smiled at him, expecting him to roll onto his back next to you—only to freeze when he climbed on top of you instead.

Jeonghan kissed you again. Only this time he didn’t intend on stopping.

Your breath hitched against his lips, hands finding his shoulders as you let him. 

The way his weight pressed into you made your head spin, like you were his for the taking.

His elbows framed your face, soft, long hairs brushing your face—you couldn’t think anymore. You didn’t want to think anymore.

“Jeonghan—“ you finally whispered, your body on fire as he shushed you with a long peck. You suppressed a moan and squeezed his shoulder in vain at the way he kept sucking and biting your bottom lip, a veil of pleasure spreading through every inch of you.

“Jeonghan—Wha-what are you doing?” you managed to stutter through your haze, feeling yourself practically glued to the mattress. 

Jeonghan cupped your cheeks, giving you a long peck. “Can’t help myself. Y’re just so cute,” he mumbled before kissing you again, sighing when you started kissing him back.

The tips of his fingers found your skin under the hem of your top, brushing your hip almost hesitantly as if you could pull away at any moment, like any wrong move would bring you back to your senses and have you slip away from him.

You pulled him closer, sighing at the feeling of his hand slowly stroking up your side. Your back curled autonomously at the gentle caress, pressing your head into the pillow as Jeonghan ground his hips against yours.

Nimble fingers pulled up the cup of your bra, plumped pink lips pecking your ajar mouth as he squeezed your breast. You spread your thighs wider for him before pulling on the ends of his hair, kissing him hard as you started panting at the friction of his groin grinding against your clothed cunt. 

“Hannie…” you whispered, curling your back again. 

“Yes, ducky?” Jeonghan asked softly, rolling your nipple between his fingers. 

“Please…” you gulped, letting go of his hair to pull at the hem of his shirt. 

You’d never fake dated before, but you were sure you were breaking every rule in the book.

Jeonghan slowly started kissing down to your neck, only stopping to rid himself of the fabric you wanted gone. His smooth back felt soft as you shyly traced a line over the fair skin, eyes closing with a sigh when he sucked on a particularly sensitive spot where your neck met your shoulder. 

“Is this still okay?” Jeonghan whispered against your skin, his fingers splayed over your exposed stomach where your top had ridden up, softly kneading your waist. You nodded, and he softly moaned when your nails brushed the nape of his neck, tangling gently in his long hair.

You guided his lips back to yours, all signs of modesty ignored, evident in the way your tongue nastily demanded his. 

“Fuck.” Jeonghan breathed. “Can I touch you, baby?” he asked, squeezing your waist while his thumbs pushed down against the waistband of your jeans. Eagerly, you nodded. “Yes, please,” you mumbled against his lips, feeling the corners of his mouth tug up. 

You sucked on his bottom lip to silence any potential sneer that would follow, smiling at the hushed curse that followed. 

Jeonghan kept kissing you as he undid the button of your jeans, fingers dipping into the fabric to tug them down to your knees. 

The short sensation of his body grinding against you had already left a mess between your legs, leaving a subtle dark patch on your panties. 

You didn’t give Jeonghan much of an opportunity to pull away from you, mewling against his mouth at the sudden feeling of his fingers slowly starting to rub your clit. 

Your body started meeting his touch, hips following his movement as your jaw slacked. 

Jeonghan softly hummed, brown eyes fixated on your face as he kept pecking your top lip. 

“More, Hannie…” your chest tightened when you met his eye, a heavy veil settling over your body as the weight of what the two of you were doing sank in.

Jeonghan looked down at you, taking a beat too long to respond as if he had realized the exact same thing. Then he smiled—almost smirking before applying more pressure. 

You moaned, squeezing your eyes shut for a quick second before giving him a hard kiss. You softly shook your head. “More.” you told him again, a short wave of anxiety seeping through your body that instantly disappeared again when he dipped his fingers inside of your panties, finally touching you where you needed him.

“Is this better?” he whispered, smiling when you gave him this look, begging for him to kiss you properly again. 

“Yes,” you said almost inaudibly, your nails raking over the back of his neck at the feeling of his soft lips pushing against yours. 

He circled your clit with his thumb, his fingers taunting your burning entrance. 

You spread your thighs even further, hoping it would lead to him pushing his fingers deep inside of you already. 

Instead, Jeonghan took his time teasing your clit and entrance, thumb pushing into your nub as two of his fingers brushed against your wet hole. 

Your hands slid to his cheeks, cupping his face before moaning into his mouth. You could feel him smile at the sounds he was inciting out of you, only spurring the both of you on more. 

His digits pushed against your entrance, starting to dip inside of you before stopping right when you started to feel your entrance burn. They slipped back against your wet entrance, a chuckle rolling out of his throat when you exhaled a breath of frustration. 

“Say please,” Jeonghan purred against your lips, now completely abandoning your core to gently pinch your clit. You exhaled another breath, brows furrowing while your cheeks grew hotter. 

“Jeonghan…” you whispered, squeezing his shoulder in hopes of having him give in to you. 

“Come on, just like you did before,” he continued, failing to hide how much he enjoyed the reaction he had on you.

You sighed, feeling as if you were cloud nine as he started nibbling on your bottom lip. 

“Please…” you gulped, imagining his long fingers pushing inside of you. 

“Good girl,” Jeonghan mumbled, his hot tongue finding yours before he did just that, two digits starting to slowly enter you. A moan filled the air, your breath hitching as your pussy stretched to accommodate his fingers. 

He moved them at a slow pace, opening his eyes to watch you wither under him. A sight he didn’t want to ever forget. 

“Does that feel good, ducky?” Jeonghan whispered, brushing your lips with his. You quickly nodded, trying to keep kissing him despite the overwhelming pleasure that kept building, putting you in a trance. 

He went a bit faster, forehead touching yours as his eyes remained glued to your face. Your eyelashes fanned your cheeks, lips twitching and mouth unfurling with every delicious drag of his fingers. 

“Mmnh!” you whimpered and bucked your hips when he circled your hard clit, making your thighs twitch at the friction. You tightened around him, clutching his shoulder and pulling him flat against your body as some sort of anchor. 

You gasped for air, sliding a leg over his hip before pushing yours up, chasing the orgasm you felt approaching quickly. 

Jeonghan kissed your nose before going even faster, dying to watch you come around his fingers. 

You bit your lip, squeezing your eyes shut as pleasure bloomed inside of you, consuming you as you reached your high with another loud whimper. 

“Fuck,” you moaned, sighing as your thigh unhooked from his hip and slid back down on the mattress. 

Jeonghan kissed your cheek, slowly pulling his fingers out of you before sucking them clean while looking at you. He had you speechless. 

“Are you okay?” Jeonghan asked softly, your eyes fixated on his plump lips. Slowly, you nodded, feeling slightly unsure as you pecked his lips. Jeonghan smiled. 

“You’re cute,” he chuckled, fixing the wild strands of your hair before moving to push himself up. Your hand quickly found his bicep.

“No.” you slipped out, eyes wide and hazy as you looked at him. 

Jeonghan tilted his head, blinking slowly. Then he smiled in amusement. “Aren’t you tired, baby?” Jeonghan teased you, his muscles relaxing as he found his previous position again. 

You shook your head. 

“Do you… do you want to?” you asked a bit unsure, only hoping you weren’t embarrassing yourself. What if the moment was just that—a moment that had now passed. 

Jeonghan laughed, giving you a chaste kiss. 

“Are you serious? Do you even know how hard I am right now?” he chuckled when you replied with a nod, stroking your cheek with the back of his hand before pushing himself up at last. 

You watched him unbuckle his belt, admiring his pretty body whilst he rid himself of his pants. Your eyes followed a path down to his boxers, swallowing a lump in your throat at what you were seeing. 

You didn’t expect just how big he were, even with the dark piece of fabric that was still covering his manhood. 

“Are you gonna take it off for me?” Jeonghan asked you, his sultry voice and bedroom eyes making your chest thump. Those eyes of his would have you do anything he asked of you. 

You suddenly realized you were still lying down with your pants half on, shyly tugging them down together with your panties before discarding them on the floor. You kneeled on the bed, crawling over to where Jeonghan was to push him down and settle between his thighs. 

He watched you slip off your top over your head, your bra thrown on the growing pile to the side. 

You bit your lip as Jeonghan admired your naked body, his hand reaching out to stroke your thigh. 

“You’re so pretty,” he whispered, squeezing your skin. You gave him a small smile, trying to exhale a controlled breath as your fingers splayed over his lower tummy. 

“You’re pretty too.” Your lip twitched, eyes leaving his to glide down his figure, your digits hooking into his boxers to pull at the stretchy band. 

“Thank you, ducky.” Jeonghan hummed, licking his lips as he watched you get him fully naked. 

Your lungs filled up with air when you saw his large cock, the tip glistening and leaking pre-cum already. You weren’t sure if you were able to fit all of him inside of you, and the mere thought of it sinking deep inside made you gulp. In a good way. 

Quickly, your hand wrapped around the base, your lips parting as you leaned down a little to let a glob of spit drip down onto the red tip. 

Jeonghan sighed, his eyes narrowing as he watched you carefully. 

You spread the wetness all over his length, the dirty sounds filling the air even over the subtle music off in the distance. Jeonghan’s body relaxed under your touch, his mouth slightly open as he breathed deeper. 

The sight in front of you had your cunt tighten around nothing. You didn’t care that you weren’t supposed to do this. Right now you needed to feel him. 

Jeonghan’s hands found your waist, his breath hitching when you straddled him and fisted his hard cock to align the tip against your folds. You kissed him, softly moaning against his lips as you ground your cunt against him. 

Slowly but gradually, you started sinking down, a mixture of your moans filling the air. 

He was so big, and you struggled to accommodate his thick tip. “Slow down.” Jeonghan groaned, throwing his head back to release a filthy whimper as you ignored him and did your best to keep going. 

“Fuck,” you moaned, clencing around his size fruitlessly. You held his shoulders to support yourself, your hips stuttering when you finally sat down on him. You exhaled a shaky breath before rolling your hips, the overstimulation killing you. 

You moaned again, feeling him press right onto your G-spot. 

He looked so effortlessly pretty like this. The strands of his long hair framed his face, tongue peeking out from plump lips as his chest adorned a new red-colored flush. You could feel him tighten his grip on your waist, big eyes watching you. 

You found a steady rhythm, trying your best to keep yourself from cumming already—which proved to be harder than anything.

A yelp came out of you when his thumb brushed your clit just like before, your jaw slacking at the newfound pleasure running through your body. “Fuck, Jeonghan,” you gulped hard, biting your lip and moaning when he thrusted up once to meet you. 

“You feel so fucking good, ducky,” Jeonghan moaned, yanking you down by your shoulder to have your chests meet. He put an arm around you, keeping you pressed against you as he planted his feet down on the mattress to fuck up into you. You whimpered hard. 

“Sorry, sorry, just need you now,” he groaned, his cheek pressing against your crown. 

You squeezed his shoulders, whimpering uncontrollably as he kept a head-spinning pace. You pressed your mouth against his neck, making him curse as your teeth found his skin. 

Jeonghan gripped your ass, kneading the skin as the filthy sounds echoed through his bedroom. 

Anyone walking past would be able to hear what was happening, and yet you really didn’t care. You were sure Jeonghan didn’t care.

Your body felt on fire, the feeling of his hands gripping you to keep you from moving leaving you breathless.

Then, he rolled you onto your back, pinning your arms above your head by your wrists as he started fucking you again. Jeonghan licked his lips, watching you wither under him with a pair of hazy eyes to match his. 

God, he was big. He stretched you out so deliciously, so perfectly. You squeezed your eyes shut when his mouth encircled your nipple, sucking and biting carelessly to take you apart even further. 

“Fuck. Gonna cum soon. Can’t take it anymore,” Jeonghan groaned, sucking and leaving a train of love bites from your tit to your neck. You bit your lip and nodded, sighing at how full you felt. You were right there with him, your muscles burning and your cunt pulsing as that familiar feeling spread through your body. 

“D-don’t pull out.” you gulped, curling your back before moaning. 

Jeonghan gave you a kiss. “Have to, baby,” he told you, trapping your wrists with one hand as the other one found your clit again. You whimpered and squirmed under him, weakly shaking your head. 

“Please?” you sighed, bucking your hips. Jeonghan groaned as his lips found yours, his breath hitching. 

“God—Are you sure?” he asked, his thrust becoming sloppy. 

You nodded soundlessly, feeling like you were floating. As if the world around you didn’t exist.

“Yes, Hannie,” you hooked a leg around his waist, making the both of you moan in each other’s mouth. 

Jeonghan felt even deeper now, massaging your bundle of nerves until he felt you starting to cum around him. He cursed at the feeling of your tight pussy gripping his cock, your body going slack against his. He stilled as his warm cum started filling you, softly moving to fuck his release deep inside. 

You curled your back in pleasure, exhaling a long breath as you relished the dizzying feeling. 

Jeonghan let go of your wrists to cup your cheek, pressing a long kiss on your parted lips before resting his face in the crook of your neck. He stroked your sides as he tried to catch his breath, planting more soft kisses there as his hips slowly moved against yours, before finally stopping. 

You stayed like that for a moment, feeling Jeonghan’s chest rise and fall as his cock remained lodged inside of you. Only when you started to feel your mixed release dripping from where you were joined he slowly lifted his hips to let his cock fall out of you. 

You bit your lip at the feeling, already missing the closeness you shared. 

Jeonghan sat up and fixed his hair before helping you up, holding your hand as he wordlessly walked to the bathroom with you. 

“Are you okay, ducky?” he asked softly after running the shower. You gave him a smile, nodding. “I’m good, Hannie. Are you?” you asked him, your smile growing when he nodded. 

“Of course,” he squeezed your cheek before signaling for you to enter the shower, watching you step inside before following you. 

Sunlight warmed your face, the fraternity oddly quiet compared to the night before. You rubbed your tired eyes before turning to an already awake Jeonghan, blinking at the ceiling as if he was deep in thought. 

“Hey,” you said softly, cuddling up next to him. 

Jeonghan smiled, putting his arm around you. 

“Hi ducky.” he sweetly rubbed your back, tracing patterns on his shirt you were wearing. 

You tried not to think too much about what had happened between you two. You weren’t ready to face the consequences of your actions yet, not today at least. 

“Do you think Soonyoung saw us?” you then asked him quietly, tilting your head. 

Jeonghan got quiet for a moment, momentarily stopping the tracing on your back as he looked at you. 

“Yeah. Probably.” 

“I think so too,” you hummed, resting your face against his chest. “Hopefully,” you added before smiling, closing your eyes again. 

“Right.” Jeonghan looked at you, his fingers finding your hair again. 

You didn’t realize how quiet the room had gotten again. 

The distant laughing and shouting from the group of boys running around at the school’s football field brought a surprisingly comforting atmosphere–almost calming as the ball got kicked around from left to right.

Your eyes easily found Soonyoung’s figure. He was hard to miss. Maybe you were just naturally drawn to him, despite the doubt that had started growing inside of your head. 

It had merely started as a tiny seed, a speck of uncertainty that had grown into something bigger—clouding your mind ever since that day not long ago. The same day where you ended up sleeping with Jeonghan. 

It had only been a few days since then, but you just couldn’t figure out why you were starting to fear this plan of Jeonghan somehow working. 

It’s not that you had even an inkling of trust in this plan—that hadn’t progressed one bit, mind you—It was just that Jeonghan seemed to have some kind of magical power to get whatever he wanted. 

He was alluring. A pretty face that knew just what to say and when to say it was truly a deadly combination. You were sure he could convince you to jump in a ditch if he smiled at you right. 

Maybe you were right to enjoy your time with Jeonghan while you figured out what you really wanted. It was no use to put an end to it now—not when your new friendship with Jeonghan was making you feel a lot happier than you’ve been for the past few years. Nothing wrong with that, right?

“Keep still,” Jeonghan teasingly pulled you back by your lock of hair he was braiding, snapping you out of your train of thought. 

“Ow!” you complained with a pout, giggling when Jeonghan tsked at your obvious exaggeration. 

You were sitting in front of his body with your legs crossed, plucking at the blades of grass that tickled the palms of your hands. 

“Didn’t you like football, Hannie?” you frowned as your eyes followed the flock of boys running around, ignoring how he sighed whenever you moved too much for his liking. He hummed, carefully tying the bottom of your braid before finally letting go of your hair. 

You quickly turned your head, Jeonghan watching your braid snapping to the side as you looked back at him. 

“Then why aren’t you playing?” you asked him, watching him chuckle at you before carefully moving your braid over your shoulder. 

“Can’t I spend time with my girlfriend?” he smirked at you, laughing when you rolled your eyes. “I’m being serious,” you sighed, scooting to sit next to him. “Me too.” Jeonghan grinned, draping his arm around your shoulder right as Soonyoung giggled in the background. You briefly glanced at him, exhaling in amusement as you watched him laugh, running to the other side of the field with others hot on his heels, kicking the ball in the direction of the goal.

Your eyes naturally found Jeonghan again, watching the corners of his mouth lift up as you made eye contact. For some reason the energy felt heavier in this moment, and you were overly aware of how close you were sitting. You could feel his chest expand as he breathed, smell the peach shampoo off his dark hair—or the subtle peppery, bergamot scent from his perfume that mixed in whenever he moved.

You gave him a half-smile before quickly diverting your gaze down back to the grass, routinely pulling at the blades again. 

“Did you—Did you ever talk to him?” you scrunched your eyebrows momentarily as you broke the silence, shortly looking at Jeonghan before watching the blades of grass in your hand get carried away by the wind.

“Hm?” Jeonghan leaned into you at your question, his fingers finding the end of your braid to toy with.

“I mean—Did you talk to Soonyoung for me?” you clarified, looking at him sparingly.

“Oh—right. Yeah, I did,” He told you, making you kind of worried with the way he didn’t share more. 

“And…?” You asked unsure, feeling more and more insecure by the second. Even the possibility of catching Soonyoung’s eye after all of these years brought goosebumps to your skin.

“He said you’re insanely cute,” Jeonghan told you, watching your reaction. 

You blinked in surprise, your lips forming a subtle pout as you took in his words. Slowly, you nodded, flashing Jeonghan a small smile. “Really?” you asked him, caught off guard. Jeonghan nodded, making you giggle by squeezing your cheek. “Yes, really. I mean, who could ever resist you? It was bound to happen eventually,” he shrugged, making you cringe and bump your shoulder into his chest. 

Truth was, Jeonghan was lying straight through his teeth. He had never talked with Soonyoung about you after making his promise to you. He was never planning on it, either. He didn’t know why, but for some reason he just didn’t want to. Maybe it was selfish of him, but he didn’t want to put an end to this fake relationship. Not when being with you felt like remembering something warm from a dream he didn’t want to forget.

“Hey guys!” Soonyoung exclaimed happily as he ran up to Jeonghan and you, a football tucked under his arm. “Did you see me score?!” he carelessly dropped the football before plopping down on the grass in front of the two of you, letting the ball roll a bit before settling beside him.

“Oh, of course we did Soonyoungie!” Jeonghan smiled at him, and you felt his hand find your shoulder again as he fed him the little white lie. “You did so well,” 

You watched Soonyoung, his cute eyes progressively getting smaller upon getting praised by his older friend. He giggled sweetly, meeting your eye as he smiled open-mouthed, like a puppy waiting to get a treat.  

“You were great,” you nodded at him, your body responding to having him in front of you after finding out what he’d supposedly said about you.  

“Thank you, y/n!” Soonyoung giggled again, pouting in satisfaction. He looked almost shy, yet his demeanor quickly changed when he realised he actually came to ask something.

“Oh—Mingyu and I were thinking of cooking some meat and having drinks at home. You guys are coming too, right?” he looked between Jeonghan and you, his face relaxed as he expected you’d say yes. 

You opened your mouth to answer, but Jeonghan started speaking right before you got the chance to. “We are actually about to head to y/n’s place, right ducky?” Jeonghan asked with his mouth dangerously close to your ear, his fingers starting to stroke your shoulder over your top. 

You looked over at Jeonghan for a second before looking at Soonyoung. “We were?” you blinked dumbly before realising Jeonghan had made it up on the spot. He chuckled. “Yeah, we were going to work on the project for a bit,” he simply said, and if you didn’t know any better you’d believe him.

“Argh, the project?” Soonyoung scratched behind his ear, smiling playfully.

“Mhm,” Jeonghan only smiled. 

“Well, maybe you guys could come after? Seungcheol hyung got us a bunch of weed, it’s gonna be fun!” Soonyoung pushed himself up from the floor as he boasted about tonight, hoping to convince his hyung.

“Yeah, maybe,” Jeonghan said uninterestedly, patting your back before the two of you mimicked the blonde-haired boy and got up from the grass.

As you walked the opposite direction of Soonyoung, exiting the somewhat crowded football field while bumping shoulders with Jeonghan, you found yourself sneaking a look at his pretty face.  

His big eyes always drew you in, making you smile as you called his name. There was a hint of playfulness behind his eyes as he looked at you, as if he’d already predicted your action. 

“Work on the project?” you only said, cocking up your eyebrow in curiosity. 

Jeonghan chuckled, shrugging. “I want to hang out with you,” he admitted. “Just us two.” he added, smiling. “Why, did you want to be with Soonyoungie?” he smirked, his hand bumping against yours. He looked down for a second before looking back at you. 

You looked away, failing to hide your smile. “I mean, isn’t that the whole reason why we’re doing this?” you chuckled, hearing him silently giggle. “Sure,” he hummed, smiling cheekily. 

Jeonghan silently grabbed your wrist when the distance between you became too big for his liking, closing his eyes in a smile when you looked up at the sudden touch. 

“We can go hang with them later, how does that sound ducky?” Jeonghan asked, his tone one of a kindergarten teacher affirming a small child. You hummed, and when Jeonghan silently linked your pinkies together you tried to remain calm. Collected. 

“We’ll see,” you said, sneaking a look down at your hands. 

Jeonghan almost grinned when he noticed, liking how you tried to act cool, as if you felt normal about it. Only, you could tell what he was doing, mustering up your courage to convince him you did feel very much normal about linking pinkies with him. 

“You do know Soonyoung isn’t around, huh?” you gave him a look, smiling when he did too. 

“I know,” he simply said. “But others might see us. It’s called being prepared, baby.” he purred, making you roll your eyes, though you couldn’t hide your amusement even if you tried. 

“Whatever.” you sighed, making the corners of Jeonghan’s mouth twitch. 

“Are you just going to stand there or are you going to help me?” you narrowed your eyes at Jeonghan, who was currently busying himself with smelling each bottle of perfume you had in your possession. 

“Found my favorite,” Jeonghan turned to show you the perfume you usually wore, taking his time spraying it on his wrist and letting it dry down before smelling it on his skin. He sighed in contentment, smiling before setting it back. 

“It smells best on you,” he concluded with a small shrug before finally walking towards you, sighing when he actually saw you with your laptop open. 

“You really want to work on the project?” He took a seat next to you on the bed before crossing his arms over his chest. You gave him a look. “You mean the project you haven’t worked on for a single minute? Yeah,” you looked at him, making Jeonghan throw his head back in a sigh. “You know I’ve actually helped a lot, smartypants.” 

You chuckled. “Yeah, by bossing us around maybe.” you cocked up your eyebrow at him, making Jeonghan scoff in disbelief. “Alright, Miss know-it-all. What have you done, then?” he sighed, smiling at you. 

You shrugged, letting him snatch your laptop from your lap. He scrolled through the webpage that was open, brows furrowing slightly as he took everything in. 

“Wait, ducky, did you code this?” he looked at you, slightly raising his eyebrows as he waited for your reply. You only nodded. 

“Huh,” he exclaimed, blinking at the screen. “How did you do that? Isn’t that like—hard?” he frowned. “I didn’t know you could do this,” he continued, a smile growing on his lips. 

You rolled your eyes at him. “Well, I am majoring in software engineering, Jeonghan,” you explained, watching a pout grow on his face. 

“Wow, I didn’t know that. How did I not know? You’re so talented, y/nnie,” Jeonghan smiled cheekily, pinching your cheek in affection. You whined as you slapped his hand away, laughing at him. “You never asked,” you chuckled, feeling a little shy. 

“Mhm, you’re right. I guess I didn’t…” he clicked his tongue, remembering how he had never really spoken to you prior to getting paired together for the project, how getting to know you had been the least of his worries back then. 

He smiled watching you trying not to sulk, finding it cute that you were obviously thinking about his past indifference as well. 

“M sorry about that, ducky. I know I annoyed you a lot in the past,” Jeonghan looked at you, fingers instinctively finding your braid again. He ran the pad of his thumb down the textured hair, his eyelashes fluttering as he blinked slowly. 

You rolled your eyes playfully, the corners of your mouth tugging up as you realized how much you despised him then. That same smirk that used to irk you whenever you caught Jeonghan’s mischievous expression from the back of class was now the very reason you felt so alive. 

“You still annoy me,” you bit your lip trying to hide your smile, laughter bubbling from your throat when your words seemed to catch him off guard, his mouth opening in an ‘o’. 

“You’re so gonna regret that.” Jeonghan smirked, quickly setting aside your laptop to tickle you. You let out a scream, trying to squirm away as his fingers crept up your sides to your armpits. 

“Jeonghan! Stop!” you laughed, your body instinctively flinching from the attack. 

Jeonghan giggled, his eyes almost manic as he relished in the reaction he was getting out of you. “My god, I don't think I’ve ever gotten you this loud, ducky,” Jeonghan smirked, getting one more squeal out of you before allowing you to grab his wrists to stop him. 

The boy in front of you definitely did not realize how his words evoked a certain memory with you, cheeks growing hotter as you’re forced to replay the images you’d been actively pushing away for days. 

You let go of his wrists when he spoke, “Alright, let’s work on this project then,” he hummed, completely oblivious as he opened your laptop. 

You caught yourself looking directly at his mouth, a shameful kind of tingle spreading through your body. You forced your eyes away, looking at your lap instead. You missed his mouth, his kisses. You think you could kiss Jeonghan for hours if he let you. Oh my god, focus, you thought to yourself.

“You okay?” Jeonghan cocked up his brow as he noticed your tense body. You nodded. 

“God, I hate this. Okay, whatever,” Jeonghan trailed off as he scrolled through your notes, already dreading having to waste his energy on school. “Did you know I once bribed a teacher so I didn’t have to do a group project?” he briefly looked up to catch your reaction, hiding a smirk as he started typing something. 

“What?” You barely caught what he said, gulping when he started laughing out loud. “Just kidding. But it sounded quite believable, right?” he licked his lips, a lock of his hair falling in his eye. 

You were sitting so close to each other. You only had to lean in and you could experience the same dizzying sensation of meeting his warm lips again. 

So, you did. Jeonghan blinked in surprise when you gave him a chaste kiss, high on adrenaline and drunk on your desires, not giving him a chance to react before kissing him for a second time.

A part of you felt like crying, unable to place all the different kinds of thoughts and feelings that were whirling inside of you. It was all so unfamiliar, and you felt too vulnerable. If Jeonghan were to reject your advances you were afraid of how it would all manifest. 

“y/n—“ Jeonghan’s words got muffled when you kissed him again, pushing your laptop away from his lap to kiss him properly. 

His hands found your cheeks, tongue eagerly meeting yours as his body crowded you until your back met the mattress. Before you knew it he was already on top of you. “You little minx,” Jeonghan mumbled jokingly, squeezing your face before kissing you harder. 

You knew you probably shouldn’t have initiated anything, but it all just felt so natural. You kept kissing him, sucking on his bottom lip before teasingly biting the supple skin. Jeonghan groaned, gripping your shoulders to keep you pinned below him. 

“Thought you wanted to go see Soonyoung?” Jeonghan asked, moaning when you purposely tugged on the ends of his hair. 

You shook your head, taking in a sharp breath when Jeonghan broke the kiss to tentatively encircle your throat with this hand—softly—just to see your reaction. 

He seemed oddly surprised to see the aroused look in your eyes, smirking as he softly leaned in—only to stop right before his lips made contact with yours. He giggled meanly when you tried to kiss him back, a brief veil of shame tingling your body. 

“Aw, you wanna kiss me that bad?” he cooed, pouting at you mockingly. Jeonghan loved to have you like this, all shy and nervous. So unsure. 

“Are you not gonna answer me, ducky?” Jeonghan tightened his grip on your neck a little, biting his lip as he smiled cockily watching your eyes widen. Only, he easily could tell you wanted more. 

“You like this, huh?” he grinned. 

You tried to nod. “Like anything u do, Hannie,” you admitted, making him mumble a curse in response. 

Your words only spurred him on more, and a euphoric feeling spread through his body as he watched you sprawled out underneath him with his hand fanned out over your throat. The sudden high caught him off guard. 

He gave your nose a soft kiss, softly pulling away to look at you. He paused for a moment before letting go of you, smiling apologetically when you seemed confused. 

“What’s wrong?” you whispered, frowning. 

He sighed. “I don’t know about this, ducky,” Jeonghan slowly turned on his side and moved a lock of your hair from your face, not quite knowing why he suddenly felt this odd feeling brooding inside of his chest. 

You mimicked him by turning on your side, staying quiet for a moment as you thought. “Do you… regret what happened?” you whispered, suddenly feeling insecure. 

Jeonghan shook his head. “No. No, baby. You know I want to—It’s just—We shouldn’t, you know? We’re only…” he sighed, not finishing his sentence.

You slowly nodded, but you really didn’t care about what was right and what wasn’t. You didn’t want to say it, but you having sex had been because of Jeonghan initiating first. It was his fault, so you really didn’t care. 

You leaned in to peck his pout. “I know… I do, just—just for a little bit, Hannie,” you got even closer, the tops of your fingers grazing his chest before finding their way down. Jeonghan stroked your cheek before leaning in to softly kiss you again, sighing as your hand brushed over his crotch. 

Despite knowing what was right, he wanted this too. Jeonghan needed to have you. Over and over again. 

He began to undo your jeans as your hand slipped down his, smiling as you started stroking his hardening cock. 

Jeonghan moaned at the feeling of your hand pumping his length, biting his lip whilst the tips of his fingers teased your slit over your panties. 

“No teasing.” you warned him, earning a knowing grin from the boy in front of you. 

“Alright,” he released a shaky breath, fingers easily finding your wet clit to play with. 

You were both still laying on your sides, and your head tipped back as pleasure bloomed inside of you. Jeonghan took the opportunity to kiss your neck, his teeth dragging across your skin to incite a gasp from you. 

“More, Hannie,” you whispered, angling your hips for him. 

Jeonghan sucked the skin under your ear, keeping his fingers at a set pace without straying from your bundle of nerves. He knew you’d be asking him for more soon, and that’s exactly why he didn’t plan on giving in just yet. 

You squeezed his cock at the lack of response, making him meet your eye as you began moving your hand faster. You could just tell by the look he was giving you he was up to something, sighing at him in pleasurable annoyance. 

You went even faster, earning a high-pitched whimper from Jeonghan, who still didn’t give you what you asked for. 

Agitated, you halted all movement to hook your leg over his hip, pressing your lips against his while starting to grind your cunt against his hard cock. 

Jeonghan firmly grabbed your hip, moaning against your lips as he grinded with you. 

Your tongue slipped into his warm mouth, your arms encircling his head to keep kissing him. 

Annoying, suffocating clothes found the floor, your bodies quick to find each other again after discarding all of the pieces of fabric.

“Fuck,” Jeonghan mumbled against your lips. He squeezed your ass, helping move you against him till the both of you were left panting in each other’s mouths. 

“Please, Hannie. M-more,” you moaned at the friction of his length gliding between your pussy lips, his tip rubbing your clit as his balls pressed against your entrance. 

Still, Jeonghan wanted to tease you. An image of you crying, begging for his cock haunted his head, and he needed to see that come true with his own eyes right this moment.

“Can’t,” he said between kisses, making you whine. 

“Hannie…” you tried again, nibbling on his bottom lip. 

Jeonghan smacked your ass hard, gripping your skin as he moved you harder against him. You moaned at the pain and pleasure, your hand finding a lock of his hair to hold onto. 

“Y-Yes we can.” you softly tugged on his hair, commanding his attention. You pecked his lips softly, hoping to get what you wanted. 

Jeonghan chuckled in amusement, spanking your ass again. “No.” he said, smiling at the hiss leaving your mouth. 

He took notice of you getting agitated instead, figuring if he wanted you to cry for him he needed to fuck you to tears instead. 

“Hurry, Jeonghan.” you complained in annoyance, having had enough of his games. Jeonghan hummed, giving you a soft kiss before moving a hand down to grab his hard cock. “You’re so needy,” he said in amusement before aligning his tip with your entrance, only getting a breathless sigh in response. 

He sheathed himself inside of you in one go, moaning at the feeling of your pussy. Oh, how he’d missed this. 

You whimpered at the stretch, hooking your leg tighter around his hip so it wouldn’t slide down. 

Jeonghan started kissing you roughly before beginning to thrust, wrapping his arms around you to keep you pinned against his body. You moaned against his lips, gripping his locks for support as you relished in the feeling of him fucking you. 

Still, he had this urge to be even closer to you, though he didn’t know how. Jeonghan rolled you on your back, looking into your eyes as he set a slower, much deeper pace. 

“Hannie…” you sighed, cupping his cheeks to give him a long kiss. Jeonghan smiled at you when you pulled back, resting his forehead against yours as he kept going. 

He suddenly felt the need to be gentle with you, to show you how much you had started to mean to him in such a short period of time. He couldn’t stop looking at your face—at the way your jaw tightened every time he bottomed out, or how your mouth opened and closed autonomously. Your drawn eyebrows twitched with every sound spilling out of you, the sounds like music to his ears. 

You wrapped your legs around his waist, your hips stuttering at how deep he was. “Don’t stop,” you moaned, putting your arms around his torso. You bit your lip as you looked up at him, Jeonghan’s fingers slowly stroking up your side before he wrapped his arms around your body too. You looked at each other, room quiet apart from your mixed pleasure, together with the forgotten sounds of the bed creaking. Rhythmic, deep thrusts brought you both closer to the edge, your breathing getting louder as you forgot about the outside world. Or the situation you were in. 

As you came around Jeonghan with a guttural moan, he found himself losing control. You pressed your lips to his, nails digging into his back at the peak of your orgasm. Jeonghan spilled inside of you next, holding you tighter with a groan to match yours. 

Your body squirmed, hips slowly grinding against him as you came down from your high. You peeled your lips from Jeonghan, who tried to catch his breath as you gave him a smile. 

Somewhere there, he contemplated if he’d just made love to you, blinking through his haze. Did he? Did you think so too?

He gave your cheek a peck before rolling off you, feeling your warm body seeking his. “Tired?” he asked, stroking your shoulder. You hummed while nodding, putting the covers over your bodies. 

As Jeonghan lay on his back, catching his breath and watching your blinking, tired eyes grow heavier, it suddenly all made sense to him. The stubborn unwillingness to push Soonyoung to ask you out, the selfish need to keep you close for just a tad longer, or the odd knot in his stomach whenever he looked at you. 

His eyes found your soft lips, swollen and chapped from kissing you for what felt like hours. Your mouth shyly curled up as you snuggled against him, the soft pads of your fingers stroking his chest before nuzzling your cheek against his arm. Your naked bodies pressed together, seeking closeness despite still feeling hot from the sex.

He felt it as he looked at you. A warm feeling spread through his chest, reaching every corner and crevice of his body. 

Jeonghan had fallen for you. 

Before he could stop himself he gently lifted up his hand to stroke your cheek, resisting the urge to sigh when your eyes closed instinctively. 

He also realized he had been sabotaging your chances with Soonyoung—not intentionally, of course. Or maybe it was.

Fuck, he felt bad. He felt like an asshole for being so selfish. For falling in love with you.

A part of him screamed at him to just keep going like he had been. Just for a little bit. But it felt unfair to you, despite how much he liked spending time with you. It had been so easy making you a part of his life, his routine—as natural as breathing. He didn’t want it to end.

But he knew you were doing this for one reason only. It was his problem he had fallen for you, and from now on he knew he had to help you. 

You were amazing, funny, and smart—And Soonyoung would see that too. He knew he would. He had to. And even though Soonyoung had never explicitly brought you up, you were insanely cute. 

“Hey, y/nnie?” Jeonghan whispered, secretly hoping you would be already asleep. 

“Hm?” you opened one eye before the other, making Jeonghan smile weakly as he started stroking your hair. 

He almost couldn’t get the words out, his voice seemingly stuck in his throat. He forced a cough. “Maybe it would be a good idea to ask Soonyoung out yourself,” he suggested, his tone devoid of sincerity. 

You blinked at him, your brain barely functioning with how tired you felt. 

“Really?” you whispered, failing to hide the frown creasing your brows. The words almost hurt your stomach. Even if you wanted to, you didn’t think you’d have that kind of courage. 

“Yeah. I forgot he’s kinda terrible at making the first move. He can be shy like that. He will definitely say yes, though,” Jeonghan nodded, giving you a smile. 

Slowly, you nodded too. “I hope so.” you mumbled, making Jeonghan chuckle. 

“I know so. Told you he thinks you’re cute,” 

“Alright,” a smile slowly spread over your face. Jeonghan did know Soonyoung best, and if he thought it would work then you would at least try to gather your courage. 

“Thank you, Hannie.” You kissed Jeonghan’s cheek before closing your eyes again, relaxing against his warm body as he pulled you closer. 

You couldn’t help but feel sad it would really be over like this. 

After three whole days of contemplating on how to approach Soonyoung, you were at a loss. It also didn’t help that Jeonghan hadn’t texted you at all in the last couple of days, which was unlike him. 

You chewed on your bottom lip as you sat outside on a school bench, ignoring the background noise as the people around you went on about their day. 

You really missed Jeonghan. And although you realized you had probably only played a small role in his life, and you had only started to get to know him for a short time, you grieved the time you spent together. 

You exhaled a long sigh. 

It didn’t matter anymore. This had all been for Kwon Soonyoung anyway. 

You had spotted him twice in the last few days. Once on campus, and once sitting outside on the same bench you were sitting on now. 

You were hoping he would walk by and spot you, and the conversation would flow naturally from there. A part of you was nervous you would actually see him, afraid you’d shut down and not know what to say, make a complete fool of yourself. 

At least you’d have your answer then. You could go back to your boring life to study and not go out again in the safe bubble you’d lived in your entire life. 

That had been your life, and you were happy with it. But now, the thought of going back to the way things were seemed boring to you. 

No, you needed this to work. You were done sabotaging yourself.

All the doubt, the anxiety, the newfound reluctance that had been growing—it was all merely fear of change. Fear of stepping out of your comfort zone—and maybe, even fear of happiness. 

This had all been so scary for you, so new and intense. But it would all be worth it soon. You prayed it would be.

“y/n?”

You snapped out of your haze to find Joshua standing in front of you, his lips curled up in a kind smile. 

“Oh, Joshua,” you straightened your back and smiled back at him, noticing the black-rimmed glasses sitting on his nose. Jeonghan had once joked about him wearing them as a fashion statement, and you had to stop yourself from suddenly laughing in his face like a freak when you noticed the lack of lenses in them.

Thankfully, Joshua didn’t notice the weird smile showing on your face. 

“How are you doing? I heard you’re getting cosy with Jeonghan these days,” he smirked as he sat down next to you. 

You shyly chuckled, shrugging. Though Jeonghan had audibly called what you were doing ‘fake dating’, the two of you had never explicitly mentioned the D word to anyone. Just to avoid scaring off Soonyoung. 

For some reason you felt bad for lying to Joshua. You felt like you had genuinely connected with him at the party, and though you hadn’t spent much time with him outside of that one night, you had this urge to tell him the truth. 

He wasn’t just Soonyoung or Jeonghan’s friend anymore, he felt a little like yours too. You trusted him. 

“It’s nothing,” you told him with a sigh, still pondering on what to do. Maybe a fresh perspective could give you some insight. You kinda needed someone to talk to about this, and what you and Jeonghan did was in the past now anyways.

“Oh? Sure doesn’t seem like nothing with those raunchy hickeys Jeonghan was walking around with the other day.” Joshua had a mischievous twinkle in his eye, and for a split second you could see Jeonghan in him. Maybe that's why you felt like you could be honest with him. 

Your face heated up, trying to suppress a smile as Joshua grinned at you. 

“Joshua, can I…tell you something? And promise it stays between us two?”

Joshua cocked up his brow in curiosity, but nodded nonetheless. “Of course,” he told you. 

You let out a deep sigh. “Jeonghan is helping me get with Soonyoung,” you said carefully, afraid of what Joshua might think. “It’s just for show, or whatever.” you added, watching Joshua cross his arms over his chest. 

“You’re not really together?” he asked, making you hum. 

“So it’s all for Soonyoung? It’s him you like?” he frowned, and you nodded at him. 

“Gosh, and here I thought Jeonghan finally stopped hiding that thing he had for you,” Joshua chuckled, shaking his head. You frowned at him. “Guess I was wrong,” he sighed with a smile. 

“What thing?” you leaned into him, cocking your head to the side. 

Joshua paused for a moment, blinking. “You know, the teasing in class, trying to get your reaction,” he explained as if you were aware he had actually been targeting you. 

“What do you mean? He never teased me.” you frowned. 

Joshua laughed at that. “Sure he did. He talked about you a lot, you know. How he loved getting a reaction out of you. You really never noticed?” 

You pouted, confused. “I mean, he did annoy me. But I didn’t think it was targeted to me. I don’t think it was.”

Joshua laughed again, his eyes turning smaller as he did. “It definitely was,” he told you in amusement. “I always suspected he had a little crush on you, but he would never admit it to me. Just said he liked teasing you,” Joshua shrugged. “Guess I was wrong, since he’s helping you with Soonyoung.” 

Slowly, you nodded. “Right,” you agreed. But there was an odd feeling in the pit of your stomach thinking about the concept of Jeonghan having a ‘thing’ for you. 

“You sure looked convincing, though. I’ll give you that. You’ve got everyone fooled.” 

His words didn’t reassure you like you had hoped they would. You and Jeonghan needed to look like you were into each other, but not too much. Because would Soonyoung really give you a chance if he thought Jeonghan and you were serious?

“What do you think I should do? Maybe this whole thing has gone too far already,” you chewed on your bottom lip, panic seeping through your body. You should’ve stopped after making out with Jeonghan. And you really shouldn’t have had sex with him. The speculation alone would be dangerous for your potential with Soonyoung. 

Joshua put his hand on your shoulder. “I wouldn’t worry too much, y/n. Just go hang out with Soonyoung? If it feels good go ask him out.” 

You sighed. “Alright,” you nodded. “I will.” 

Joshua chuckled and pushed himself up, fixing the strap of his leather crossbody bag before briefly looking down at his phone to check the time. 

“I’ve got to run. Tell me how it went?” he cocked up his brow. 

“Okay.” you smiled a little. “Thanks, Joshua,” 

Joshua winked at you, turning his body before quickly stopping himself and looking back at you again. 

“Oh, and y/n?” he failed to hide a grin. “Try not to sleep with your fake boyfriend.” 

You didn’t know how to react as he walked off theatrically.

As days passed, and you found yourself making more and more ridiculous excuses as to not approach Soonyoung, a sudden golden opportunity fell right in the palm of your hands. 

Maybe you manifested it, since you hadn’t stopped daydreaming about all the different ways the talk you’d inevitably needed to have would turn out. 

You were listening to some music as you did some minor grocery shopping, the basket in your hand filled with an array of fruits, vegetables, and a scandalous amount of snacks to balance everything out. 

There was a soft tap on your shoulder, and you quickly turned around expecting you’d been in someone’s way, but instead saw Soonyoung’s chubby cheeks bulge in a cute way as he smiled at you. 

You think you preferred the term God’s intervention. 

“Hi,” you smiled shyly after taking out your earbuds. 

“Hey! What’re you doing here?” Soonyoung giggled, clutching a protein bar in his hand. 

You paused briefly. “Grocery shopping?” you said slowly, earning a laugh from the boy. 

“Right. Of course.” Soonyoung laughed, peeking in your basket. “Cooking something tonight?” 

You nodded. “That’s the plan. I just needed some vegetables for my stir-fry,” you chuckled. 

“I wish I could cook. I’m banned from the kitchen,” Soonyoung scratched behind his ear, pouting. 

You laughed at that. “Did you set off the fire alarm or something?” 

“Twice...” 

You laughed again, making Soonyoung smile. “You should cook for me sometime! Maybe I can learn from you.” he chuckled, and the request alone made your ears burn. Was he…?

“Y-yeah—Sure. I’m a good teacher,” you told him, and you suddenly noticed Soonyoung was wearing his football uniform. 

“Oh. Do you have a game today?” The two of you slowly made your way to the cash register, chatting as you put your groceries on the conveyor belt. 

“Yep. I’m about the head there right now,” he explained, waiting for you as you paid for your stuff. “You remember how we used to play together in elementary school?”

You chuckled at the memory as you walked out of the store together, reliving one of those moments in a very long time. 

“The teacher didn’t allow me to play anymore at one point,” you smiled innocently, watching Soonyoung laugh out loud as he remembered exactly why. 

“Yeah, because you would always kick the ball over the fence after losing.” he giggled, making you laugh as well.

“I was a sore loser,” you admitted with a shrug, smiling as you walked together. You briefly recognized how easy your conversation flowed with Soonyoung. Maybe you’d be able to muster up your courage after all. 

“If you won’t throw our ball anymore, we can play again sometime,” Soonyoung suggested, making your stomach jump. 

“Sure,” you replied in kind, as if you didn’t struggle to keep yourself from stuttering. 

You made eye contact with Soonyoung, who smiled at you. You smiled back at him, but the corners of your mouth slowly started faltering as you realized you had to finally ask him out. You could faintly hear the yelling of a group of younger boys as you approached the football field, and you knew you had to act fast before it would already be too late. 

“Hey, Soonyoung?” you called out his name a bit insecure, slowing your steps to fully get his attention on you. 

Soonyoung lifted up his brows with that same smile, slowing down to match your pace, which came to an abrupt halt.

“Um,” you gulped. You took in a breath. “Do you… Would you like to go on a date—with me?” you inhaled deeply, trying to slow your breathing. You bit your bottom lip, already cursing yourself for your choice of words. Did you ask at the wrong time? Should you have asked differently? 

When Soonyoung’s smile faded, and a confused expression took over his handsome face, you started rambling, “I mean—I’ve liked you since we were kids and—and—If you don’t like me like that then that’s fine too. I-I just thought—“

“y/n,” Soonyoung cut you off abruptly, placing his hand on your shoulder. 

“You’re a very nice girl,” he started. You already knew what would follow. 

“And you’re truly great, like really—“ Soonyoung paused before sighing. “I’m sorry y/n. I’m kinda seeing someone…” he said quietly, and by his tone you could tell he genuinely felt bad. 

Slowly, you nodded at him. “Ah,” you forced a smile. “No worries.” you chuckled, but really you wanted to throw up. 

“I’m sorry…” Soonyoung told you again, almost pouting. 

“No—no, it’s alright,” you nodded again, not really knowing what to do next. You felt like you still wanted to ask him one thing, just so you wouldn’t spend months pondering on the what if’s. 

“Did I ever have a chance?” you asked cautiously, knowing you probably wouldn’t like the answer. 

Soonyoung blinked at the question, caught off guard. He looked down for a moment, seemingly thinking about the question before ultimately shaking his head, slowly. 

You nodded understandingly. “Okay… Well, thank you for being honest, Soonyoung,” you briefly smiled at him, clearing your throat before speaking again, “I’ll see you around. Have a good game, okay?” you watched him nod apologetically before turning to walk away, chewing on the inside of your cheek as you started walking.

It wasn’t how you’d imagined heartbreak to be. It wasn't like your heart was breaking into a million pieces, you just felt…empty. 

Tears welled in the corners of your eyes, fingers instinctively starting to reach for your phone before stopping yourself. You sniffled as you realized you had no shoulder to cry on anymore, a pitiful sob shaking your chest as you remembered Jeonghan had left you on delivered for a week. 

There was purpose in your step as you made your way straight to the fraternity, not caring about any odd looks you were getting as you cried. 

You merely wiped your face once before ringing the doorbell, trying and failing to slow your excessive breathing as you waited for the door to open. 

The door swung open with a creak, revealing Mingyu with a smile on his face. “y/n!—Oh, what’s wro-“

“Where is he?” you sniffled, not waiting for an answer as you walked straight past Mingyu’s tall frame to Jeonghan’s bedroom. 

You decided against knocking, opening the door to find Jeonghan laying on his bed scrolling on his phone. He lifted his head at the sound of the door opening, eyes widening as you walked in with wet cheeks. 

“Where have you been?” you asked rather aggressively, eyebrows tightened as you tried to keep yourself from breaking down completely. Your lips trembled, walking up to Jeonghan who pushed himself to take in your current state. 

“y/nnie… what’s wrong?” he asked, quickly getting up from the bed before your fist weakly collided against his chest. 

“Why are you ignoring me?” you cried, fresh tears beginning to stream down your face. “I-I needed you and you disappeared,” you sobbed when Jeonghan’s arms pulled you in, hiding your face against his chest as he stroked your back comfortingly. 

“I’m sorry…” Jeonghan whispered, kissing your temple before sighing. 

You closed your eyes, holding him tightly as his familiar embrace warmed your body. 

Jeonghan felt your body shake against his as you cried, pressing his cheek against your hair as his hand found your locks. “I’m sorry…” he said again, his chest burning painfully at the state you were in. 

“He likes someone else.” you told him after a beat of silence. 

Jeonghan sighed, softly shaking his head at what you were telling him. He felt horrible now, blaming himself for everything. For giving your false hope, for building up you confidence—only to watch it all crumble down before his own eyes. This wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t been selfish. 

“Fuck, y/n—I’m so sorry…” he apologized again, tightening his grip on you. 

You sniffled, shaking your head. “‘s not your fault, Jeonghan.” you whispered, only making him feel worse. 

If you only knew, Jeonghan thought. He should’ve never approached you back then. He’d spend time reflecting on his actions in the last few days as he kept his distance from you, knowing that deep down it had all been for his own self-gain. Annoying you, approaching you at the party. All along this had been about you and him, even if he didn’t realize exactly how much he liked you before he even offered to help you. 

“It’s fine,” you concluded, sighing as you tried to stop yourself from crying. “It’s nothing new,” you croaked out, your voice breaking as you failed to stop the sob spilling out of you. 

“Shh, ducky,” Jeonghan grabbed your cheeks to meet his eyes, wiping your wet cheeks with his thumbs as he looked at you. You gulped, tears brimming your pretty eyes. 

“Can I please stay?” you whispered, fishing his shirt as you looked at him pleadingly. Jeonghan nodded, pushing his forehead against yours as he closed his eyes. “Of course, baby,” he sighed before pulling away from you. 

Seeing you cry like this felt like a dagger to his chest. He wished nothing more than to take away your pain.

“You look so tired, ducky,” Jeonghan said while looking at you, wiping away another stray tear with his knuckle before nodding to his bed. “Take a nap, okay? Do you need anything? I can make you tea, or some snacks—“

“Just hold me, Hannie. Please?” you grabbed his hand, afraid he’d leave you. 

Jeonghan nodded, giving you a weak smile as you crawled into bed together. 

You sighed as you got comfortable against his chest, his warm arms already making you feel better. You nuzzled your cheek against him, resting your arm over his waist. 

You smiled when Jeonghan looked at you, smiling back at you as he stroked your hair. You couldn’t help but laugh, the corners of Jeonghan’s mouth tugging up as he watched you. “What are you laughing at, weirdo?” he softly squeezed your cheek. 

“I don’t know…” you admitted, your eyes feeling heavier as your exhaustion grew. 

“Go sleep, okay?” Jeonghan whispered, making you nod. 

You closed your eyes, softly sniffling as you became even more tired. You’d occasionally open your eyes to see Jeonghan looking back at you, your body becoming heavier as the minutes passed. 

“Hannie?” you whispered tiredly after a while, fighting to keep your eyes open as he cocked up his eyebrows. 

“Don’t leave again.” you told him, closing your eyes when he gently began to stroke your cheek. 

Jeonghan smiled sadly as he watched you sleep, your soft snores painfully familiar. He really didn’t deserve you. 

He didn’t know if he could keep promise what you were asking him, not when he had been the cause of your sadness. 

“How many times are you going to keep checking your phone?” Joshua crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned against the lockers, grinning when you glared at him. 

“I thought he would come today,” you pocketed your phone before starting to walk to your next class, Joshua humming next to you. 

“I don’t know, he seems off lately,” Joshua shrugged, making you frown. 

“He wasn’t at our project meeting today,” you pouted, resisting the urge to check your phone again. Thankfully Jeonghan wasn’t ignoring your messages anymore after seeing him, but that didn’t mean things were back to the way they were. Joshua was right, Jeonghan did seem off.

“How was that? You know, seeing Soonyoung,” Joshua asked carefully. 

You bit your lip as you thought before shrugging. “It was fine.” you said casually, making Joshua cock up a brow. 

“Really? You’re not, like, upset still?” you stopped walking once you reached your classroom, cocking your head to the side as you looked at Joshua. You then shrugged again.

“Not really…” you trailed off, pouting. “I feel oddly okay,” you nodded, giving Joshua a smile. Joshua hummed, not totally convinced. “Right,” he said, thinking. 

Truth is, you felt… good. As though a weight had been lifted from your shoulders. You also didn’t really understand why, maybe you were still in denial, but you felt like you could finally start to let go of Soonyoung.  

Joshua’s eyes strayed behind you when he spotted a figure resembling Jeonghan from the corner of his eye, watching his friend meet his eye before walking off without greeting him. Strange. 

You followed his line of vision, looking over your shoulder to see Jeonghan’s back turning around the corner.  

“Oh,” you said, perking up to give Joshua a quick look. “See you later, alright?” you told him before going to follow Jeonghan. 

Joshua watched you jog to catch up to Jeonghan, sighing with a smile as you disappeared from his vision. 

“Jeonghan!” you called once you got close to him, smiling as he turned to you, seemingly caught off guard. 

“Hey. You weren’t at our meeting today,” you said, adjusting your bag that had slipped down from the short jog. 

“Oh, y/n,” he cleared his throat awkwardly, making you frown. “I didn’t feel like coming,” he explained, his odd tone only leaving you more confused. 

“Oh, well, we could really use your help next time. It’s kinda messy without you there,” you chuckled, smiling at him. 

Jeonghan didn’t smile back at you, avoiding eye contact as he slowly opened his mouth to speak, “Listen, y/n… I’m—I’m dropping from the project,” he looked at you for a second, mumbling a ‘sorry’ before turning to enter the men’s restroom. 

His words felt like a knife to the heart. “What?” you mumbled, gulping as he disappeared again. You were starting to believe you were dumb to trust Jeonghan. Maybe this was all a game for his own entertainment after all, because why else would he just drop you like this? Right after you asked out Soonyoung? The timing of it all was odd. 

Anger bubbled up inside of you, shaking your head before following him inside. “What is your deal?” you spat, your jaw clenching as you watched him splash cold water in his face. 

Jeonghan looked at you through the mirror before turning with a sigh. “Nothing. I just—“

“Why are you lying to me?” you asked, trying your best not to cry in front of him. Your chest burned, making fists of your hands as you watched him blink dumbly. 

“I’m not lying, y/n.” Jeonghan raised his voice, only making you angrier. 

“Yes you are. Why are you being like this?” you gulped, afraid you weren’t able to hold your tears for much longer.

“I thought we were friends.” you said quietly, your voice breaking. 

Jeonghan swallowed a lump in his throat. 

“Was all the time we spent together just a lie?” you felt a tear run down your cheek, all your fears swirling around inside of you. You couldn’t help but feel like you’d lost the only thing that had made you feel so alive these past few weeks.

Jeonghan’s face hardened, his jaw tensing hearing your words. He took a step closer to you, grabbing your underarm. 

“I like you, y/n.” he said, the words making your stomach drop. 

“Can’t you see?” he added quietly. 

You didn’t know what to say, the noise in your head and the way Jeonghan was looking at you overwhelming you. You took a step back, slowly shaking your head as you made sense of it all. The lights in the bathroom were too bright, the sounds of the people in the hallway too loud. You could hear your heart pounding out of your chest and you wondered if Jeonghan could hear it too—you needed to leave. 

Jeonghan took a step forward again, not ready to let you go before finally laying his heart bare. “Stop having a crush on Soonyoung.” he whispered pleadingly, softly grabbing your hand in his. Your breath hitched.

“And come back to me.” his frustration softened into a plea, big eyes plagued with vulnerability as he waited for your reaction.

You can’t do this. 

You pulled your hand away, not saying a word as you rushed out of the bathroom, leaving Jeonghan by himself.

Tears clouded your vision, your head spinning and mind running as you rushed home. You couldn’t help but wonder if this had been the whole reason Jeonghan had offered to help you with Soonyoung. A part of you told yourself Jeonghan wasn’t that kind of person, yet you couldn’t confidently say you wouldn't have done the same. 

What did he even see in you? For how long had he liked you? And was he ever even helping you?

You hid under the covers in your bed, the warmth of the blanket comforting you a bit as you cried soundlessly. Why didn’t you feel angry? 

Maybe it had something to do with you not being upset after getting rejected by Soonyoung.

Did you even really want Soonyoung? Or maybe you just liked the idea of being wanted by someone.

You exhaled a shaky breath, hugging your pillow to your chest. You were so confused by everything. You knew you should feel some kind of way about this—whether it be anger or resentment—but the only thing you really wanted was to be hanging out with Jeonghan again. You imagined how things were before they all went wrong—talking, laughing for hours. Falling asleep next to him. 

His absence had hollowed you out these past few days. Soonyoung had never made you feel special. But Jeonghan… Jeonghan saw you. Everything you’d been longing for had been so easy for him to give. 

Maybe if you hadn’t been so wrapped up in the idea of liking Soonyoung, you would’ve seen what was in front of you all along. Maybe if this whole thing hadn’t started as a lie, your feelings would’ve been easier to untangle. But the one thing you couldn’t ignore was that you couldn’t lose Jeonghan.

The sky had darkened once you finally forced yourself out of your bed, dried tears decorating your cheeks as you rumbled through your bag to snatch your laptop. Maybe some trashy reality tv would help distract you.

As you lifted the laptop, a familiar object tumbled on the floor, rolling until it stilled in front of you. 

You lip twitched seeing your duck pen, your stomach twisting painfully. You bend down to pick it up, looking at it for a moment before taking in a sharp breath, lifting your arm to launch it straight against the wall with a pitiful whine. 

“Woah! What the hell?” Jaehee stood in the opened doorway with a puzzled look on her face, taking a second to evaluate the current state she’d found you in before slowly closing the door behind her. 

“What’s going on in here? Are you okay?” she pouted before engulfing you in a tight hug. You shook your head, sighing and resting your face against her shoulder. 

“Talk to me.” she whispered, rubbing your back. 

“You’ll think I’m crazy,” you sighed.

“I just paid a witch to curse Mingyu. I can handle crazy,” Jae let go of you to sit down on the bed with you, grinning at the cackle leaving your mouth.   

“Fuck—okay,” you rubbed your face. “Long story short: Jeonghan and I were never a thing. It was all a ploy to get Soonyoung. I asked him out a couple of days ago but he rejected me—“ Knowing how long you’d liked Soonyoung for, Jaehee already started pouting. “—But I’m fine—Oh, and Jeonghan just told me he likes me and then I ran away.” you finish with a sigh, making Jae’s eyes widen in surprise at the sudden twist. 

“That’s a lot to unpack,” she started, looking at you. “I don’t suppose you’re throwing stuff because you don’t like him back and feel incredibly sorry for it?” she asked almost sarcastically, crossing her arms over her chest.

You sighed and shook your head.

“So you do like him? Then what’s the problem?”

You blinked at her. “I… I don’t know,” you frowned, looking down at your lap. “It’s not that simple.”

Jae raised a brow. “What’s not simple? You like him, he likes you. Where’s the disaster in that?”

“You make it sound so easy,” you muttered.

She let out a breath, then softened, reaching for your hand. “y/n, you really need to stop thinking so much.” A small smile tugged at her lips.

You sighed. “It’s just—I don’t think I allowed myself to feel what I felt when I was with Jeonghan. I pushed it away, convinced myself all of those feelings were fake since they were supposed to be. What if I give it a shot and find out I was right?”

“You’re too stuck in your own head. I’ve seen the two of you. You can’t fake the way you look at each other—unless you’re both Oscar-worthy actors, which I seriously doubt,” she chuckled.

You bit your lip, slowly nodding.

“Well, text him.” Jaehee bumped her shoulder against yours, your chest tightening at the thought of Jeonghan. Your face grew hot.

“Text him to come over,” she encouraged you, the corners of her mouth lifting up. You shifted on the bed, pouting as you thought it over. 

Jae sighed at your apprehension and pulled out her phone, her nails tapping against the screen as she typed. 

“What are you doing?” you asked meekly, watching your friend turn off her phone with a satisfied expression on her face. “He’ll be here soon.” she only told you, her hands resting in her lap demurely. 

You blinked in surprise. “Huh?” you frowned. “Wha-What did you just send him?” you tried to reach for her phone, but Jaehee hastily got up from your bed moving her finger at you disapprovingly. “Nah-ah,” she sang, barely making an effort to hide the smirk on her face. 

“Jae.” you warned her, pushing yourself up slowly. 

“It’s nothing bad, promise! I just let him know that I can’t find you anywhere and your location is turned off,” she shrugged, making you gasp. 

“That’s not nothing!” you raised your voice, crossing your arms over your chest with a sigh. 

Jaehee exhaled a breath, giving you a smile as she hugged you again. “Don’t panic. Don’t you deserve to figure out what you’re really feeling?” she whispered, patting your head. You knew she was right. You nodded.

“Remember how it felt being his friend and just go from there,” she created some space between your bodies to look at you, smiling when you whispered a soft ‘okay.’ 

The two of you gave each other a look at the sound of a notification, reading Jeonghan’s ‘omw now’ message together. 

“He won’t take long,” Jae told you, making you inhale a sharp breath. “I’ll meet him at the door, okay? Just—Just wait here, y/n.” she said, looking at you for a second before starting to leave your bedroom.

The room fell quiet after that, your nerves buzzing louder than anything else. You couldn’t sit still, shifting on the bed as your mind raced. Every second felt like forever—until a knock sounded at the door.

“y/n?!” Jeonghan rushed inside with a panicked look on his face, eyebrows drawn with a pair of big eyes meeting yours. “Are you okay?” he sighed, visibly relaxing at the sight of you unharmed. 

You gulped, looking at him for a moment before abruptly getting up. You hastily grabbed the duck pencil from the floor and shoved it into his hand. 

“I don’t want this back.” you said firmly, your jaw clenching as you looked at him with manic eyes. 

He froze, staring at the object in his palm with confusion before lifting his gaze to you. Your anger faltered when you met his eyes, his pretty face making your own features soften despite yourself. 

You gave him a small, sad smile. 

“Hannie…” you whispered, tears burning in the corners of your eyes.

Your lip shook, pushing your face against his chest before you could stop yourself.

“I told you to never leave me again…” you mumbled, smiling at his familiar, comforting scent despite your tears. You put your arms around his body, embracing him tightly. “Please don’t…” you looked up at him, vulnerability creeping in at what you were saying.

Jeonghan only looked at you, his pink lips slightly ajar before meeting together in a subtle pout. 

You realized it then, how oblivious you had been this entire time. How you needed Jeonghan as much as you needed air. How much you couldn’t live without him—and, finally, how much you loved him.  

 “y/n…” Jeonghan whispered, really hoping he wasn’t wrong about what you were getting at.

Your lips curled up in a smile, softly cupping his cheeks before pulling him down to meet your lips with his. Jeonghan gasped against your mouth, wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you as close as he could have you.  

You bit your lip shyly when you finally pulled away, seeing Jeonghan smile back at you in a way that made your chest tighten.

“I like you too, Hannie,” you said softly, reaching for his hand to link your fingers together. Jeonghan’s eyes shrunk as he smiled at you, keeping his free arm wrapped around you to keep you pressed close against him. 

“You like me, ducky?” he asked dumbfounded, squeezing your hand in his.

You shyly looked away, your smile growing wider as you nodded. “Yes…yes I do…” you told him, your face burning when you looked at him again. 

“I didn’t even want to think about Soonyoung, because—because you were there. I didn’t want our time to end, Jeonghan.” you whispered, frowning. “The thought of losing you… I couldn’t do it. I just need you.” you confessed, gulping nervously. 

Jeonghan giggled hearing your words, leaning in to kiss you hard. “Fuck, I’m such an idiot. I should’ve just asked you out from the start.” he breathed, pecking your lips again. 

He pulled away to look at you, a hint of vulnerability creeping in his big eyes. “You really like me?” he asked again, his lips curling up in a shy smile as he looked at you expectantly. 

You gently stroked his cheeks, your body tingling as you nodded. Looking at him, you couldn’t believe this was actually happening. 

“Yes, Hannie.” You sighed, your heart beating out of your chest. 

Jeonghan hugged you tightly, and somehow you were starting to feel emotional—the feeling reminded you of the first time he had held you in his bedroom. It felt as if you were coming home to a warm home after a long rainy day. It felt like drinking your favorite brand of coffee after a vacation, or having a dream you didn’t want to wake up from. 

You closed your eyes and listened to his heartbeat, slowly calming down from all of the adrenaline. 

You suddenly remembered what Joshua had told you, breaking the silence with a sudden silent laugh. 

“Hm?” Jeonghan stroked your hair, smiling as he imagined what you could be thinking of. 

“Did you try to annoy me on purpose? I mean—In class?” you pulled back to look at Jeonghan’s face, watching him blink at you in confusion before slowly grinning mischievously.

“Of course. Loved to see how many angry looks I could get from you,” he smiled, making you tsk. “I think I already kinda liked you back then, even if I didn’t realize,” he admitted with a chuckle. “You were always so polite. Even if you were shy you would smile at everyone,” his smile widened as he imagined it in his head.

“You really got on my nerves.” you hit his arm, making him only smile wider. 

“Yeah?” he teased you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders before giving you a kiss. 

“So you don’t want me to stay?” he asked, cocking his head to the side with a playful smile. 

You tried to hide how giddy you felt, your cheeks burning at his question. 

“Well, ducky?” he prodded, half teasing, half hoping you’d give him the green light. 

You got close enough to kiss him again, feeling Jeonghan sigh against your lips as you slowly pushed him back on the bed with you. 

The kiss deepened until all you could taste was him, warm and steady, the kind of sweetness that was becoming harder to imagine ever living without. Hands groped and lingered, yanking down fabric until the heat radiating off your bodies mixed together. 

Jeonghan rolled on top of you, taking his time kissing you from your lips down to your belly button as his eyes admired the sight of you. You bit your lip feeling his tongue lick a slow stripe on your upper thigh before inching down to your pussy, softly gasping when his warm tongue found your clit. 

Despite you not talking, you could feel that warm energy filling up the room, consuming you whole as Jeonghan savored you. You knew he felt it too, gentle fingertips brushing against your sides, hazed eyes watching you gasp and moan attentively.  

Your body writhed feeling him go faster, biting your lip as your tummy burned. Before you would find yourself lost in the deep end, your shaky hand reached for Jeonghan’s to stop him. 

If you were gonna cum, you wanted to do so with him. You needed him as close as you could have him, cupping his cheeks to bring him on top of you. 

“Yeah?” Jeonghan whispered against your mouth in the middle of a kiss, making you nod. “Yeah.” you answered, pecking his lips as you looked in his eyes. 

Jeonghan glided his tip over your entrance, collecting your wetness before slowly inching in, stretching you deliciously before bottoming out. 

“God,” Jeonghan breathed, pushing his lips against yours with an almost desperate plea while slowly starting to grind against you. 

You moaned fruitlessly when he set a faster pace, making Jeonghan echo your sounds at the way you were squeezing his cock. “C’mere,” he sighed, moving your legs over his thighs to feel you even deeper. Jeonghan linked your fingers together, pinning them down on the mattress as he licked into you. 

“Hannie,” you squeezed his hands, feeling the muscles in your body tighten. You think you could already cum like this, closer to him than you’ve ever been. 

Jeonghan nodded, sucking on your bottom lip hard enough to form a bruise. All you could hear were your breaths and whimpers, and all you could feel was the closeness you shared. 

“Cum, baby. Cum for me?” he asked breathlessly, going faster again. You let out a loud moan, nodding in agreement as the sound of skin slapping echoed through the room. 

“Fuck.” you whimpered, squirming against him as pleasure overtook you. You moaned again as you came around his cock, feeling Jeonghan’s warmth erupt inside of you as your walls clenched around him fruitlessly. 

Your head spun, Jeonghan’s whimpers falling on deaf ears before grounding you with a soft kiss. 

“I love you.” Jeonghan whispered out of breath, blinking as he looked at you with big eyes. 

A shy smile spread over your face, your chest tightening at the words coming out of his mouth. 

“I love you.” you whispered back, feeling as if this moment weren’t real. 

Jeonghan’s lips curved up into the smallest, almost disbelieving smile before he hid his face in the crook of your neck. He gently let go of your hands to embrace you instead, peppering kisses on your shoulder. 

“You’re mine now—for real this time.” Jeonghan said, lifting his head to look at you again. A smirk tugged at his features, humming at the smiley, almost shy nod you gave him. 

“My girlfriend,” he giggled sweetly, giving your cheek a kiss. 

“My ducky.” he whispered, nuzzling his forehead against yours. 

“Hannie…” you laughed, but you couldn’t contain the smile playing on your lips. 

Harsh, merciless snaps of his hips drive your face deeper into the pillow, make your muffled moans grow louder. Your poor pussy weeps around his cock as it drives in and out of you, as though Seungcheol won’t relent until he’s carved the shape of it into your guts. Until your mind can only think about him, him, him.

It’s his name you sob like you’re praying for forgiveness, his cock that finds a home in your greedy walls, his mouth that marks your skin and leaves a message upon you—you’re being taken care of.

JEONGHAN —; GREED

When Yoon Jeonghan wants something, he will stop at nothing to get it.

You were a smart girl, and he liked that. He wanted to play games with you, and you saw through him. Pretended to play along so you could play your own games and string him along, all in the name of fun. He wanted you—badly. Wanted to make you go dumb, put you in your place. How badly did you want the same thing.

What you quickly learn, however, is that it is not enough for Yoon Jeonghan to finally get what he wants. Even when he’s finally managed to slither his way between your legs, made you cry on his tongue and then his cock, in his eyes remains something akin to hunger.

He needs more.

Seeing you fall apart at his hands has altered something in his brain.

“One more, pretty?” he asks, soft and angelic, as though he hasn’t turned your bones into jelly and filled your head with cotton. He draws circles on your tummy; presses a kiss to your hair in a way that makes you melt for him.

“Can’t, Hannie, ‘s too much,” you mumble, your throat like sandpaper.

“It’ll feel good,” he says, sliding his hand between your legs to play with your poor puffy clit, grinning as you whimper at the contact. “Yeah?”

Your reply comes as a pitiful, broken moan. When he gets you to your high, it comes as a gentle, pulsing wave, but you’ve reached heaven now, and Jeonghan has guided you there. You’re floating, brainless, and as your eyes flutter shut and you drift away into slumber, he knows he has won.

JOSHUA —; PRIDE

Joshua Hong. The man who’s got it all. The face, the body, the voice, the girl.

Every conversation he has is about you, you, you. You’re his phone lockscreen. His social media pages are made up of pictures of you. It’s almost insufferable, the way he doesn’t shut up about how perfect of a partner you are.

He buys you a one-of-a-kind engagement ring. He doesn’t tell you how much it’s worth, but secretly he’ll leak it to the press—a quarter of a million dollars and a two year wait for it to be crafted.

It should come as no surprise that he likes to film you taking his cock. It’s not enough for him to slide his cock into your heat, to bury it snug between your velvety walls—he needs a way of remembering the tight, slippery grip of your pretty cunt pulsing around him, and the shameless, debauched noises you make when he fucks you good. Work means he can be far from you sometimes, and timezones mean you can’t just call, so tapes it is.

They’re strictly for your and his eyes only—of course. However, what crosses his mind too often is a devilish little voice in the back of his head telling him to post it. Just make a burner account. She’ll never know. But he can’t bring himself to do it when the ring on your finger is a promise of his trust.

Instead he’ll leave his phone unlocked, opened on his camera roll where the videos haven’t been tucked away into the hidden folder ‘yet’, or ‘accidentally’ clicking the wrong thing when sending his friends photos and ‘not realising’ until an hour later that he’d exposed to them a short dim clip of him covering your tits with his cum.

He knows they want you. It’s not like they hide their wolfish stares, their drooling mouths, their licked lips. They’ll never have you, though, and he sleeps well at night knowing that. With you in his arms, too.

JUN —; LUST

Junhui is quite a wildcard— a mix of a little bit of every sin. Above all, however, he is just so full of desire. He’s got an unquenchable libido that is heightened when he’s in love. And you are his lucky victim.

It’s the littlest things you do that make him hard. It’s even things you don’t do. It’s the way your tits sit in a low cut top on a blistering summer’s day. It’s the way you like to run your hands through his hair when you’re lounging on the couch together, or sitting at the dinner table. It’s the way you call his name from another room with the sweetest lilt to your voice: “Junieee?”

It’s the way you take him so good, whether you’re bent over the kitchen counter or pressed up against the wall or rolled onto your side first thing in the morning. He’s so greedy for you, for the warm embrace of your wet, fluttering pussy and for the sound of your soft, blissful moans.

It doesn’t help that you’re always so wet, so open and ready for him. Knowing that does terrible things to his sanity. You’re so pliable when he gets his hands on you, so welcoming, letting him play with you as he pleases. You try to play it off as he kisses along your neck and gropes at your nipples through your shirt, pretend like he’s bothering you, but you’re not fooling anyone.

He’ll try to make things quick sometimes, make you cum on his fingers while he kisses you hard, or let you take him down your throat, but then it’s you who’s whining, batting your eyelashes because you want more. He’s ruined you. You’re perfect for him.

HOSHI —; GLUTTONY

Oh, he can’t get enough of you. When he gets his hands (or, well, his mouth) on you, it’s over.

Kwon Soonyoung would spend weeks on end between your legs if he only could. He’d give up food and water and shelter and money if it meant he could survive on your pussy alone. It’s enough sustenance, he swears it.

“Taste so sweet, baby,” he tells you, smeared and glistening with you all down his chin and neck. He's the image of debauchery, indulgence, shamelessness all at once. You look even worse for wear. Sweaty, lips puffy from being bitten, skin burning, hair tousled. Both of you look like sin.

It always starts so innocent. Well, as innocent as your boyfriend using your stomach or tits as a pillow can be. “Just taking a nap,” he’ll insist. Then his fingers start wandering, and his hand is down your pants, and his head is between your thighs.

“Just… Just a lil’ sip, yeah?” he’ll promise, and you never believe him as his tongue dives into your cunt. It’s never been ‘just a sip’. He makes you sob, makes you spill your nectar all over his tongue and drinks it like it’s the blood of the Lord until he’s intoxicated by it, hooked on it, his life depends on it. He’ll keep eating even though he’s full and you’re a quivering, writhing mess, and even then it still won’t be enough.

WONWOO —; WRATH

Wonwoo is not mean. He doesn’t have much of a temper. He’s calm. Patient. Soft-spoken. His best friends of ten years have only seen him yell once. Really, he’s the last person to be described as wrathful.

Somehow, though, you’ve figured out how to get on every last one of his nerves. He’s smitten with you, but fuck if you don’t raise his heart rate sometimes.

“Are you really wearing that out, baby?” he asks, eyes dropping to the where you tug at your miniskirt, only for it to ride back up to just beneath your ass the second you move again.

“Yeah, why?” you reply, tilting your head at yourself in the mirror. “You don’t think I look hot?”

“You do, but—”

“You think I look like a slut?”

“No, love. It’s two degrees out. I don’t want you to freeze.”

“You just don’t want other men looking at me, I get it. God, you’re so controlling.”

You don’t mean it. His jaw still clenches.

Then it’s a never-ending back and forth until you’ve managed to wear out every last thread of his patience, and he’s putting you on your knees and stuffing your mouth full of his cock in return for you putting words in his. He’ll fuck your throat until it’s raw and your mascara bleeds down your face, until his release spills on your tongue and he’s cooing at you to swallow it like a good girl.

Then he’ll ruin your pussy. Flip that stupid little miniskirt up over your ass and give you something to complain about.

WOOZI —; SLOTH

It’s a well-known fact that Jihoon is a laid-back man. Not quite lazy—when it comes to his work he’s very much the opposite. It's just that doesn’t put any more effort into things than he needs to.

His slothful sex habits don’t come from the fact that he thinks you should be doing all the work because he has an ego. It’s nothing like that. It’s that he likes to let you take what you want from him, what you need. Which is why, most of the time, he’ll sit back and let you do exactly that.

With his arms behind his head, he watches with his bottom lip snagged between his teeth as you ride his cock into tomorrow. He’s in no rush to cum. So long as you’re not done with him, he doesn’t feel the need.

You’re a vision, anyway; and him, a sort of voyeur. His head spins only from the sound of your soft, broken moans, your disheveled appearance, the spit and cum and the marks that run down your chest. Your tight pussy is heavenly too, fluttering so temptingly around him, so needy, and he's not even doing anything.

Eventually comes your soft whining. Like clockwork, your hips start to slow, your words edged with exhaustion. “Jihoonie, my thighs hurt…”

"Ah, poor thing," he coos, but even in your fucked-out state you can hear the faux-concern in his words. He reaches for your face, warm and damp with sweat, and cups your cheek, running his thumb over your spit-slicked lips. "You wanted my cock so bad, didn't you? Then take it yourself."