So, Pride month or not, just felt like sharing something personal, but important, regarding one's sexuality/personal self. In these recent years (particularly last year) I've started to explore my sexuality. Without going too much into detail, I experimented with "tools", discovering "types" and most importantly, what makes me "click".
So where did it all start? Well here's a short story, which you may or may not relate with: It all started in 2016. Many called it the "worst year ever". Maybe a bit exagerrated at the time compared to now. Not only did the "Orange Devil" rule his first term, killer clowns roaming the streets and many great stars faded out of existence. One of them being David Bowie. I didn't know this man existed till he passed away. Everyone was posting his highlight moments over the years. Most noteably, his role as Jareth the Goblin King from Labyrinth (1986).
Something about him triggered something in me. Something I've never felt before: Sexual Awakening. Just something about his looks, body language, the voice, all of it made me feel... tingly? It was then, that I started questioning my attractions: I realized I had certain types and not only was I attracted to men, but women on the same level.
For example I admired strong women heroes. Who weren't strong just physically, but mentally and emotionally. Xena, Kitana, Wonder Woman, just a name of few. They were something, that I could never be, but they do represent inner strength. At least that's how I perceived them. I then realized, that I felt equal attraction towards women as I did with men. I didn't see any difference between the two. It just felt natural to me.
I even came out to my dad about my sexuality. However he had a different perception about the subject. He was in no way homophobic. He thought, that you would have to have sex first before "deciding" your preferences. However I still stood by my preferences.
I've only attended two local Pride events. Even when neither didn't go as planned (failed cheesecake and bad weather), I still met wonderful and warm people there. It was really the sense of community, supporting one another and not be ashamed about who you are. It made me feel more confident about myself, despite my flaws.
Since then I've started exploring myself and found good/bad qualities. And it felt...natural. Sure it was awkward at first, but slowly but surely it started to feel good. Of course it came with feeling of shame, embarrassment. But after feeling that good, I didn't care anymore!
I also discovered my true soul mate after years of feeling so unworthy of love. And he also happened to be bisexual, who had his own struggles with his mental health. And the kicker: we used to be old friends from kindergarten! I was surprised, that he was still in town. As often most of my childhood friends have moved out of town by now yet one still remained. He still recognized me after all these years. We've been in a relationship for three years now and it has been the best time of my life. Most of our quality time has been chilling, and just chatting. We've taken a step up by going traveling together. We're going travelling again this year and discover new exciting things the world has to offer.
Needless to say you could call this "fate". Anyway I'm more content with who I am. Of course my sexuality doesn't completely define me, but it is a vital part of my personality and nature. And that is something, that all of us gotta try to explore at least once. Who knows. Maybe you learn something new about yourself!
