1D, my boys forever ❣️ RIP LP 🤍

1 year. Somehow, it's insane to me how long it's been because it feels like long ago and also like it was just last week. I still remember the shock. The sadness. The refusal to believe it was true. There was no way our gorgeous boy was taken from us. Sadly, as news came in, it was confirmed. When MJ died, I was 9,and it was like my whole world shifted. I was a kid, but I looked up to MJ my whole life, and I was devastated. When Liam passed ,it was another moment in life I'll never forget. Another devastation, even worse than MJ. I grew up with Liam, with all of our boys. Loving them, supporting them, and seeing them grow up with us. We saw Liam become a dad. And we still had so much left to see him grow into. I will forever think of this as one of the greatest heartbreaks of my life. Its weird to see the rest of the boys, still doing their thing and knowing we won't be getting anything or seeing anything from Liam. I miss you everyday, it sounds dumb but I do. I wish you here. I choose to remember you as the happy, kind, and talented boy that we always loved. I love you, Liam. I hope you're resting and looking over your family and the boys 😞❤️‍🩹

I need to talk about this. Liam on Building the Band. God, it's breaking my soul even more. Every time I hear him say something to the bands, that is so meaningful and true it breaks my heart even more to know he's not here. Seeing him sitting next to Nicole, who was part of the start of one direction and being on the same level as all these iconic legends , God, I can't believe he's gone. My gorgeous boy. He was so kind and talented and so real with them. I wonder what he thought about if he remembered his time in the band even more and how that shaped the way he would give advice and feedback. If he saw the boys in the bands and if it reminded him of his boys. I wish he was still here. I dont understand how he's not. I can't imagine his family sitting there and hearing him and not completely breaking down. I sobbed like a baby just seeing him and hearing him. I'm so happy he was able to have that moment of being a mentor, im sad we didn't get to see him do the promo, talk about it, and see how it impacted him. God, I miss him so much. This 1D anniversary was not the same without him. Nothing is the same without him. Liam James Payne. I really hope wherever you are , you are resting and seeing the way we miss you. I love you so damn much. You deserved so much better, but thank you for everything you gave us, I will never ever forget you. ❤️

15. 15 years. 15 years since our boys were chosen, sometimes I think by the universe, to get together and become the perfect storm. I was 10 years old when they got together. 11yrs when I started loving them. I am 25 yrs old, and I love them even more than I did then. It's been 15 yrs of laughter, love ,music ,fun, and even grief. We've been alongside them every step of the way. Not only did we grow up alongside them, but we saw them each bloom into themselves. I look at them now, and its hard to imagine they are the same 5 boys in the X factor. What we lived together, it will never be the same. It's the first year without Liam, I can not fathom it. I can not even understand how it's possible that we made it to 15 years and we're missing a member. Liam, wherever you are, know that we will celebrate you today and always. One Direction is my safe space. They're my safety blanket, my tranquility. I listen to their music because it brings me peace, reminds me of an easier time. I see their videos when I want to laugh or, again, just be in a peaceful setting. I dont think they'll ever know exactly what they mean to me, but I do hope I get to at least tell one of them. I love you guys, and im so proud of you. Each of you has been so important to a part of my life. And I will continue to follow you till the end. Because we really are the best team the world has ever seen. Happy Anniversary, boys. Thank you for sharing your lives with us ❤️🕊

My niece, for some reason, decided to randomly watch the X factor auditions of the boys. So I say there as I usually do getting entranced by them. And I just , it became so clear to me that the universe had to have conspired and they were born to meet, get together and become the success that they did. Let's be honest. Their auditions weren't great. Liams was the best one because of course , and maybe even Zayns, but the rest wasn't great. And somehow, these judges decided you know what, let's take a chance. And then again when they put them together. And it's insane. That out of all the people in the world , these 5 boys auditioned and became what is known as One Direction, one of ,if not the ,most successful boy band. I cried at some point because I was like fuck if Liam hadn't gone on, he might've still been here. But then we wouldn't know who he was and he wouldn't have done what he loved for so long. Life works is crazy ass ways but I honestly believe those boys were put on this earth to meet and make millions of people happy. I dont know if it was worth it for them, but ill always be grateful to have known and loved them and continue to support them on their own endeavors. And of course I'll always mourn Liam , who deserved more time 😔

Holy shit. Lou is at Z's concert today in LA. I actually fucking sobbed. Guys we've been dresming of this since Z left and everything kind of went to shit all those years ago. I honestly at some point didnt think it would happen. Lou and Z specifically seemed like they had so much to heal before they fixed anything. Im so glad it looks like they finally did. And fuck it hurts to think that we might only be here because Liams gone. I dont know what life would be like if that tragedy hadn't happened on Ocotber 16th but fuck, I hope at least, he's smiling down seeing his brothers support each other in public for the first time in 10 yrs. I also hope as I said before this means something new for the boys. That they can finally support each other in public ,because life's fucking short man , we could lose any of them at any moment , they should be able to support each other however they want. In the end , we just want them to be happy. Liam I miss you so much, I can't imagine how the boys feel. I still can't wrap my head around you being gone. I miss your silly videos, your voice, everything. I hope you're resting 💕🕊

So I need some help. I made the psycho decision to go to DC in January to see Z in concert because I just need to see my boys right now. Howeveveerrrr, how tf does this Zayn Vip fan key thing work because i seriously don't get it. Also I got general admission how early do I have to be there to get like a decent spot? I'm going by myself and have never done the whole queue line experience so I'm kind of lost. Anyway any tips would help, thankkk youu

I keep seeing Harry as the main one to be mentioned in all the articles about the funeral, and honestly, it bothers me a lot. Harry is the so-called 'most famous ' of the group, not even on purpose. i think he just has something about him that people want to know everything that has to do with him. But Harry is also the youngest, I feel like at some point all 4 of them had to protect him because he's always been the one that got hit with 'womanizer' and about his sexuality since forever. The amount of pressure my poor boy has to be put through, I mean the shade he got for Liams post. Come on. This is a human, just like you and me, and to have every single one of your movements or words, judged, is crazy and intense. I think the only way for him to stay grounded is for him to be away from everything and only on his own terms, allowing what gets out about him. I don't pretend to know him, but Harry's always been sensitive, sweet, and kind, I refuse to believe that's been a persona, and I know Harry loves all of his bandmates. I know this is hard for him too, they must all be like fuck what if I had called what if I had been there? I'm word vomiting but I guess the point is. They all have had it hard , of course they have, but the scrutiny that Harry gets because he's so mega famous must be so damn hard and I wish he got some grace for that as well. I hope they're all grieving their brother in private together, not everything needs to be shared with us ❤️‍🩹

Today is Liams funeral. Pictures are already coming out ,and we knew that was going to happen. Sadly, whether we like it or not, Liam was famous, and 1D was the most famous band in the world, with its members still being extremely relevant .The media was obviously going to be around. I'm not okay seeing those pictures of the boys. Like fuck seeing them all together again since 2015 and missing Liam who tf let this happen? I'm in so much pain. What's crazy to me is that the only 2 being pictured in the same frame is Lou and Z. Somehow that brings me peace because everyone knows they were super close in the band and we know they had a fallout but hopefully this means that they spoke, and that they're being each other's support because they really need that now. I stated before I hope this helped them heal parts of them that may have broken 9ys ago. And I hope I'm right. Fuck Liam I can't believe youre gone. It still doesn't make sense to me. You were always the leader, the daddy of the group, if anytbing good comes from your passing I hope it's bringing the boys together again,not for us but for them. I'm sorry this world failed you, I'll love you and remember you forever my sweet Liam ❤️ rest in eternal peace