#15yearsofonedirection

I have said, and I will maintain- that Liam was the heart and soul of One Direction. I don’t believe that the 1D I knew and loved with my whole heart still exists. It is gone. And that is… hard. And sad. As we celebrate and remember the 15 year anniversary of the formation of our favorite band of thieves, our celebration is deeply steeped in grief. And I think it’s important to make space for that.

We have lost people on this journey of course. Fans, families, and now a band member. Each one devastating in its own right- but the loss of one of the five looms over this anniversary, these memories, this home we’ve found.

So. I will make time for my grief, but not my defeat. I wholeheartedly believe that Liam would want us to come together, to remember what was, to drink in the nostalgia, to celebrate the boys and their legacies, and most importantly to celebrate and love on each other, and this community we’ve built together.

It was Liam who said how much it meant to him that we found each other through the band. It was Liam who so often checked in on us, who connected with us, who championed the band and their legacy, who promoted fan art and fandom connections and inside fandom jokes. And so it is in Liam’s spirit and in Liam’s memory we commemorate this moment.

I missed the anniversary, because honestly I couldn't stop crying. It's been so long, but I still can't fully comprehend Liam's passing. Even while I'm writing this i still can't believe in such harsh reality.

#15yearsofonedirection

Today, I feel sad. Sad for so many reasons. Because I’m a fan who only witnessed one month of the band’s active era. Because I wasn’t part of the fan projects, the votes, the chaos, the community. Because I never held a concert ticket in my hand. Because I didn’t find them earlier. And most of all — because I’ll never see them together again. Because Liam is no longer here.

The grief still lives in me. It doesn’t fade with time — it simply becomes part of who I am. Because after Liam’s passing, everything changed. Maybe, deep down, I still held on to hope — that one day they’d reunite, even just for one song. That maybe I’d see them live, even from afar. But those dreams are now part of the past. Even if they stand together one day — it won’t be the same without Liam.

And yet, alongside all this sadness — today, I also feel grateful. Because One Direction helped shape the person I am. I found them when I was 15 — right at the moment in life when everything feels loud and overwhelming, when you’re trying to figure out who you are. They became my safe place. My anchor. My light in the darkest hours of my teenage years and early twenties. I grew up with them. And even though it hurts so much now — even though these memories sometimes feel like they tear me apart — I’d live through it all again. Because back then, they were my warmth, my comfort, my joy.

Liam’s death changed everything. It shattered something in me. And I can’t even begin to imagine the pain his family, friends, and boys went through. But even from the perspective of a fan — it was devastating. And I’m still healing.

There’s a lyric from their song that meant a lot to me ten years ago — and now it hits harder than ever:

“If I didn’t have you, there would be nothing left The shell of a man that could never be his best If I didn’t have you, I’d never see the sun You taught me how to be someone”

That’s what they did for me. That’s how they changed me. That’s how much I love them. They taught me how to be someone. How to feel. How to keep going. And that will never be taken away. Even if they’re no longer here — a piece of them lives on in me.

Today, I’m grieving. But I’m also endlessly thankful. Because that was love. And it still is. Because memory lives. Because legacy remains.