Jenner

So, I am in my second semester of 2016.  I still have pretty low self-esteem and procrastination issues with my studies, but living at my nans has helped me a lot.  

I have a little bit of BDD - Body Dismorphic Disorder. Where I am kinda obsessed with my body parts and need to check myself in the mirror. I am glad I have gotten diagnosed before it got extreme. 

My problem apparently is that I am smart and I want to look the best. Like my naturally competitive side. However, the way you look is genetics and I can’t do much about it. 

I inherited 10,000 dollars and I am really tempted to get surgery. I have so many things I dislike about myself so I am really anxious about the decision.  Like I want to do butt implants, to hide my hide shoulders. I want breast implants so it can hide the weird gap between my breasts. I want my nipples uninverted. Which I have had talk to the cosmetic surgeon about and it will cost me 3,450.  I also want to get a nose job.. Pretty badly. 

Then I noticed my jaw is quite big so I want to get botox in my jaw, and lip fillers. 

So, I got a text from a  stranger I met from my favourite club ever. Matt Damon. I just call him that because he looks like him. Anyway, I ignored him for like two months but something inside me kept thinking about him. Going back to his profile and trying to figure him out. By his photo’s he seemed like a ladies man, party boy etc. He had girls commenting on his pf like “cutie” hottie. So, because I am a girl and a normal human being I labelled him a “PLAYER”. I thought woah he just wants to add me on his list of accomplishments and fuck me.  I was watching this movie called “Good Will Hunting” with Matt Damon, and of course I fell in love with him. But the most strangest thing happened to me... the guy at the club messaged me again. I think things happen for a reason and I felt lonely/bored, so I thought.. hey why not?

He asked me out for a coffee. So a few weeks later I met up with him. By god he is very good looking and has an amazing voice...

I got the biggest cruish on him and I couldn’t stop thinking about him..... 

I am still confused if he wants to fuck me or to date me. He isn’t like UWA boys very proper he is a bit of a bad boy and that is what I like.  

So now, I am in love with two boys. My current bf noticed I was acting really distant and weird. It was because I felt torn and guilty. I also wanted to break up with him for Mr Matt Damon

SAY NO TO THE PILL !! Unless you really need it.  You think I look nice in this photo but I am actually wearing so much make-up. I was too embarrassed to compete in cross country because of my acne. I didn’t want to wear the uniform because it made me look ugly and fat... 

- Gain weight (The shirt hid it wel)l)

- Really sore and big pimples on my chin area because of the hormones (they said it would go away when it settled down but it got worse..)

- Terrible period pains

This me getting ready for STEREO’s

I really want to write a book on my life in college. More of a fictional account but I want to create a “coming of age” “harry potter” inspired book.  I want to talk about who I grew into, what I learnt and the people I faced.  I will talk about having to deal with the “golden triangle” and how I didn’t know I was just middle-class or working class until I went to UWA. 

I want to create two men the girl falls in love with, as well with the typical friend zoned guy friend. I want to talk about this haunted floor of WW2 ghost.. I am not sure to make it a paranormal book or keep it more of a reality based book. But I want to incorporate that for a little spice. 

Lately, I have been struggling to stay up, all I want to do is sleep. Mum thinks it might be a inactive thyroid.....