Jenna

Why don’t you hate me?

This was a question I always asked. I couldn’t understand why you would still love me.

Places I've enjoyed visiting:

Cape Town, Pretoria, Bloemfontein, Limpopo, Johannesburg (Mainly Sun City), Knysna (Beautiful! Gosh) Plettenburg Bay (Best holiday spot :) Such a relaxed atmosphere), Goerge, Humansdorp (Because of family over there ONLY. I'm not really fond of the actual town)

Things I've done that I previously thought I could never do:

I am comfortable in a swimming pool! I never thought I would get to a point where I would be so comfortable in a pool that I would just swim knowing that there are people literally just watching me as I go. My swimming has improved so much - way more than I ever thought it would. I dropped out of varsity. I never would have thought that I would ever have the guts to drop out of varsity. It was a big decision, and I'm proud of myself for taking the step.

The people I  most admire:

My mother, without a doubt. I always think about everything she has accomplished, the circumstances she grew up in, the way she carries herself, her morals and values, her parenting skills, and her work ethic. My mom is the ultimate role model, and the best role model I could have asked for. She is the greatest blessing God has bestowed upon my life. 

My favourite books:

I think my favourite book would have to be Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert K. It's such an enlightening book, and I would recommend it to anybody who wants to be happy and successful in life.

My favourite movies:

I know this is cliche, but I love, love, love Titanic hahaha. There's just something so beautiful about the tragedy of it all. It will always be my favourite movie - and I will cry every single time I watch it hahaha. Keep the tissues close!

My favourite songs:

Gosh, I have so many. I think an all time favourite will always be Billy Jean by Michael Jackson, as well as Beat It. Haha both these songs make me so happy whenever I hear them. MJ is legendary - what a great artist. 

My top five short term goals:

1.) Excel at work.

2.) Save money.

3.) Join My Friend Ned (Casting agency)

4.) Get the tattoos and piercings I've been thinking about for the past 2 years!

5.) Possibly rent a flat to live in.

My top five long term goals:

1.) Buy a house.

2.) Adopt a child/children.

3.) Buy a car.

4.) Help my parents in any and every way possible.

Q: What scares you?

A: Not feeling fulfilled in life. Life isn't worth living if you don't feel fulfilled, or completely satisfied. I could never settle for a life in which I am not utterly fulfilled and happy.

Q: Do you have a plan?

A: I had a plan. I had a long term plan. Now I still have a plan, but it is a short term plan. I've realized that life doesn't always go according to the plan, no matter how badly you'd like it to. So I've become more flexible with my plan - very flexible actually hahaha

Q: Do you need a plan?

A: I thought I did. But now I know that I don't. All I need is a clear and open mind, enthusiasm and positivism :)

Q: Have you had a plan fall spectacularly to pieces?

A: Yes! So spectacularly hahaha. I moved to Cape Town after I matriculated to study. I majored in the two subjects that I have always loved ever since I can remember. But, when I got to varsity, I was not enjoying the experience. And this was very confusing for me, because I thought, "I should love it considering that I'm studying English and Drama - the loves of my life." So, after 2 years of trying to figure out what it is that's making me unhappy, I finally came to a conclusion. I was not meant to be at varsity. It's not the correct environment for me to thrive in. I don't know what the correct environment is, but I will find out. That's what life is for, isn't it? You aren't born with all the answers, but you learn. And I've learnt that I hate everything about an institution such as a university, the same way I hated school. Even the residence and campus life didn't tickle my fancy. Nothing about university made me happy. And I had to learn that.

Q: What is your take on soul mates?

A: I believe that there might be people who are your soul mates on different levels. There are different people that you could connect with profoundly, but on different levels or in different ways. For example, I believe that one of my friends, who was/is a complicated love interest as well, is my soul mate because she understands my introversion in a way that nobody else ever has, I don't have to explain anything to her. However, she doesn't understand my outlook on life, etc. So just on that one level, she is my soulmate. Then there is another friend of mine, who was also my boyfriend for 2 years, who connects with me so wonderfully on a physical and sexual level. He doesn't understand my introversion at all, but he just 'gets' what I need and enjoy sexually without me having to guide him much. So, he's my soulmate on that level. So I believe we have soulmates, but not that one person can be our soulmate on all levels.

Q: Are you a worrier?

A: I am a worrier when I feel uncertain about something. Usually it is very easy for me to make decisions because I'm very intuitive and in tune with my emotions. I look inward, to my inner voice, for guidance. When I am uncertain inside myself, and I can't hear that inner voice so clearly anymore, that's when I start to worry. I can't look outside of myself for answers, because I won't feel confident in the decision I make. I hate feeling uncertain, because I rarely do have uncertainty. Usually I know what I need - it's always very clear to me. 

Q: Is there a particular worry that you can't shake?

A: Not right now, no. There was a worry that I couldn't shake recently though. When I was confused about why I wasn't enjoying varsity, I was worried about what I truly enjoy and love in life then. I thought, "Oh shit, I've been wrong all along? I don't like English and Drama as much as I thought I did?" And it was a thought that plagued my mind for months, because it was something that I couldn't figure out. 

Q: Dear Past Me...

A: You are great. You were born great, you don't need to change. It's okay to be different, it's okay to be the outcast. Be who you are, live life for yourself. Well done! Well done for dealing with your dad being an alcoholic. Well done for putting up with your sister who has always put you down for as long as you can remember. Well done for being a reasonably good kid even though you were in constant emotional turmoil. Well done for not letting the constant moving around affect your school work, baby girl. Well done for forgiving your parents - they're only human. Well done for staying positive and optimistic about life and all its' possibilities, even though life seemed to be against you at every corner. Well done for being wise enough to learn from everyone around you and coming to your own conclusions, and having your own unique views and sticking to them. Well done for getting up every time after you've wiped your tears. Well done.

Q: Dear Future Me...

The dark side

I'm thinking of people that I love, and who love me or want to love me. And I've realized that I've pushed all of them away. I don't know why I do it. It's really frustrating, because I know that I can't expect them to just be okay with me being there, and then disappearing the next, and then showing up again when I'm done pushing them away for the time being. I feel like reaching out to them, but I know that I will push them away again at a later stage. By the way, when I say 'them' I mean multiple love interests haha. I have feelings for more than one person, all on different levels and depths. I think I should do some research on how to stop pushing people away. Anyway, I found a few pictures that really resonate with me :(

88 things I love (Part 8)

4 Desserts:

Mom's dessert

Haha, for dessert growing up my mom would always give us custard over halved fruits (usually guavas or apricots), or sometimes she would put it over diced mixed fruits, so then there'd be more than one fruit. Sometimes instead of custard, she would put ice cream over the fruit. And sometimes, instead of fruits, she would use Malva pudding :) Whatever she decided, Mom's dessert is my favourite kind of dessert, no doubt.

Malva Pudding

Whether it's my mom's Malva Pudding, the Malva Pudding they serve at my res, Malva Pudding from a store, my aunt's Malva Pudding, wherever it comes from - I love Malva Pudding - anywhere, any time. It satisfies my sweet tooth so well. Yum.

Apple Crumble

I really do like this dessert. The first time I had it was when I moved into res. Although it was always a little doughy and not completely baked through at res, I could still taste that it would be really good if it was properly prepared. I know I would love it.

Ultra Mel Custard

6 Drinks/Beverages

COFFEE

Coffee, of course. I love coffee too much. Literally. 

Wine

Oh yes :) Wine makes me very happy. Wine is the best.

Vanilla flavoured milk

Yes :) Yes. Yes. Yes. This is so delicious - I can't even. I'm done.

Steri Stumpie

Now this is a drink I will never grow tired of. It's one of the best. I mean, come on. It's a Steri Stumpie.

Milkshakes

All milkshakes, any flavour, anywhere. I will probably love it haha. I have problems choosing favourites when it comes to anything. Whether it be what my favourite gender is, which is why I'm bisexual. Whether it be what my favourite colour is, which is why I usually wear the entire rainbow in one outfit. And it's probably why I literally love everything in the arts, and I can't live without one of them. I can't live without music. I can't live without drama. I can't live without dance. I can't live without writing. I MUST HAVE THEM ALL.

Fanta Grape

10 Games:

This is gonna be a tough one. I don't play many games, but occasionally I do.

30 Seconds

I love this game. I'm not the best at it, but I really enjoy it haha. I like to play with people who aren't too competitive.

Dominos

Growing up I played this a lot with my sister, and my Dad every now and then. It's a good game.

'Rhythm Divine'

I don't know what it's actually called, but there's this rhyming game I learnt to play from 2 members in one of the choirs I sing in, The South African Youth Choir. It starts off with everyone clapping the same rhythm and someone singing the first sentence, which is "I went to Rhythm Divine", and then whoever is next in the circle makes up a rhyming sentence, and so does the next one, and so on. I love this game hahaha, it's so much fun. 

'Indian Warfare'

I also don't know what the name of this game is, but it's so much fun, gosh. So, before the game starts, everyone playing needs to choose a hand gesture or hand action for themselves, accompanied by a sound as well. It starts off with everyone clapping the same rhythm, and everyone sings "This is the game of the Indian Warfare. Keep the rhythm starting now!" And then someone starts off by first showing their own hand gesture and making their own sound, and then shows somebody else's gesture and makes their sound. The person who's hand gesture and sound was made then needs to do the same. And it just keeps going like this, until somebody makes a mistake, and has to leave the game. It's so much fun! I also learnt this game from the 2 choir members who taught us 'Rhythm Divine'.

Tring Tring Telephone

I feel like Tring Tring Telephone is just a classic game hahaha. I will never grow tired of this game, no matter how old I get.

Truth or Dare

Haha, I like this game a lot. The only part I don't like so much is when I have to dare someone, or ask someone a question. I'd love to be a participant in the game, but then not have to contribute to the game except through doing dares, and telling truths. Maybe it's because I'm a boring person, I don't know. But I hate making people uncomfortable, so I'll ask stupid questions, and give really easy dares.

Never Have I Ever

I've never actually played this game, but I've seen several Youtube personalities play it, and I can just tell that it's a game I would love to play haha. I'd enjoy it so much. Hopefully I get to play it in the not-so-far future.

Train Train

I think that's what this game is called. It's a really simple card game that you can play by yourself, or with someone else or a group of people. I like it. I used to play it a lot by myself when I was younger and bored.

10 Foods:

Again, very difficult for me to choose 10 favourite foods. I love food so much! But if I had to pick just 10 to have around me, and I couldn't choose any more, these would be it.

2 Minute Noodles

I love, love, love, love 2 Minute Noodles. I love most of the flavours, I would eat it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and as a midnight snack. Love it.

Chocolate spread

Oh my gosh, whoever came up with chocolate spread is just a genius. I love it on bread, or just on its' own. It's so yummy.

Chips

Yes, I love chips hahaha. I love Doritos, Niknaks, Lays, Simba, basically any of them would do.

Oreos

Who doesn't just love Oreos? I love them. Whether they're in ice cream, dipped in milk, or on its' own. Oreos are at the top of my list.

Curry

Yes :) Curry, curry, curry. So filling, flavoursome, and just yummy all round. I love a tasty meal, and curry lives up to the standards of my taste buds :)

Chicken

Also, who doesn't love chicken?! I mean, chicken is great in a stew, with bread, or just on its' own. And it can be eaten in so many ways! You can make sticky chicken, chicken burgers, chicken stews, chicken nuggets - I'm sure there are many more ways. So I love chicken. Always tastes great. 

Coco Pops

I love Coco Pops :) So chocolaty, and it makes the milk all chocolaty :) Heaven!

Spaghetti Bolognaise

Yes :) Good old spaghetti bolognaise makes my heart happy. I could eat this meal for daaaaays.

Pizza

I like pizza. I mean, I could live without it. But I could also live with it, and only it, for a very long time. So yeah, pizza is great. I like it a lot.

Pumpkin

10 People:

My mother

I was born loving my mother. She is the greatest person I know. 

My father

I love him. I've had a love hate relationship with him for most of my life. But now I have nothing but love for him.

My brother

There are things I wish he would do differently. I don't have as much respect for him as I once did. But yes, I still love him.

My sister

Although I choose to associate myself as little as possible with her - not because she is a bad person, but because she let's things turn her into someone I don't want to be around. I love her, but I genuinely don't want to be around her, and I avoid it as much as I can.

Leaan

My ex-boyfriend of 2 years. I love him. I don't want to, but I do. I wish we could just be friends, but we will never be just friends. I can't not have him in my life, but I wish I could not have him in my life. I don't have a choice. I have to have him in my life. And I don't think it's fair. But I guess it is what it is.

My grandmother

I have always loved my gran, but I never got the chance to show her just how much. I hope she knows. I regret not showing her, and telling her, and for not being around as much as I should have been before she passed away. She was a phenomenal woman, and she raised a phenomenal daughter. I want to thank her for raising a woman such as my mother, who is the best mom I could have ever asked for.

10 Restaurants

I don't really like to eat out a lot. And we didn't do it a lot growing up, so there are no restaurants that mean anything special to me. But yeah, I suppose there are a few that I like.

Spur

I went to Spur quite a few times with my family members growing up. The first thing I think of when I think of Spur are their food portions. They're huge. I can never quite completely finish a meal. Growing up, we would always go to Spur on a few special occasions. When I turned 16 we went to Spur. When my Dad turned 60, they went to Spur. I was already living in Cape Town at the time, so I couldn't join them. It was actually earlier this year, in August. On Mother's Day, my Dad would take us all out to Spur after church. Before we stopped going to church. On Father's Day, we would also go to Spur after church. Also, before we stopped going to church. I went to Spur with my sister quite a few times, usually our youth friends were with us. This also happened before we stopped going to church. When I went back home during my first big holiday after moving to Cape Town, I met with all of my school friends at Spur - in an effort to stay in contact and remain friends, and also just to catch up with each other. 

So because I don't actually have any favourite restaurants, I've decided to talk about all restaurants that are linked to anything meaningful at all to me. Because I'm realizing I do have one or two of those haha.

Wimpy

Right after I got my driver's licence, my mom took me out to Wimpy to have some ice cream to celebrate. I also remember my first real boyfriend taking me out to Wimpy. On that same day I broke up with him. I was about 15.   

McDonald's

Okay, I definitely think McDonald's qualifies as one of my favourite restaurants. I love McDonald's. I could live off of McDonald's fries and chicken nuggets with Jalapeno sauce. 

Sticky Fingers

Also, this one qualifies as one of my favourite restaurants. I love how affordable everything is, and the portions! Yes, please! I love it. Also, you can add alcohol to your milkshakes! Uhm, what? Favourite. No brainer.