HE WHO LAUGHS BEST.

❛   Hey ,  hey  Joker ,  watch  this .   Hey .  Joker .  Are  you  watching ?  Joker .  Hey  .  .  .  ❜   She’s  got  her  rifle  raised ,   ready  to  make  some  ridiculous  trick - shot ,  but  not  before  being  fully  acknowledged .

      ‘      @jeffsmoreau​  .

❛    Hey   they’ve   got   holo - cards  for   that  exact   thing   is   all   I’m   saying .   Though   I   wouldn’t   say   no   to   some   cake .   Maybe   an   Illusive   Man   shaped   piñata ?   I   trust   your   judgement .      ❜

❝         Y’SEE THAT GUY OVER THERE ?       definitely marriage problems .    you can see the line around his finger where a ring should be .    probably recently divorced ,   or about to be .    or he’s cheating on his spouse   --    which would make him an even bigger asshole than his dance moves .    plus ,    that’s his fifth drink .    pff   ---        ❞         leaning on the counter ,    he knocks back the shot glass .        ❝         alright ,    your turn .          ❞

❝         HEY ,    UHHH     ---     look .     are you alright ?    i mean ,    i know the whole     cerberus     thing isn’t ideal ,    but it’s not all bad .    could be worse .          ❞           you could still be dead . 

❝  you  really  got  attached  to  that  stick  up  his  ass  line  ,  didn’t  you  .  you  tend  to  resort  to  it  a  lot  .  ❞  he  laughs  ,  shaking  his  head  .  ❝  you’re  going  to  haggle  with  a  batarian  for  essential  ship  parts  ?                 glad  i’m  coming  with  you  ,  then  .  i  don’t  think  the  illusive  man  will  fix  you  up  like  he  did  shepard  if  you  come  back  all  beat  up  .  ❞  garrus  crosses  his  arms  in  a  comfortable  position  and  switches  the  weight  of  his  body  to  his  left  foot  ,  rocking  back  and  forth  a  little  as  he  listens  .  ❝  where’s  this  batarian  hiding  out  ?  where  are  we  going  ?  ❞

❝        HEY ,    WHY MESS UP A GOOD THING ?      if the shoe fits    ...        ❞           his tone dips ,    dry ,   trailing off with the implied  wear it .    he switches gears ,    quite a bit more amicable now    --   even putting his hand on garrus’ shoulder ,    or about as close as he can reach ,    given the goddamn near two foot height different .      ❝        ‘course ,   i’m not talking about you ,    since you’re   --   y’know ,   gonna help me hassle this guy .    you’re a real friend ,     garrus .        ❞          irreverent ,    but still appreciative .    leaning forward on the supportive crutches ,    joker suddenly looks very interested in the paneling of the normandy’s floor .

the condition is present throughout his body,    but is concentrated mostly in his legs.    his bones heal slowly.   a break takes months to heal,   and then months more to fully recover.     bones aren’t going to shatter from walking around,   but without added support of leg braces and crutches,    it is painful to walk around,    and his gait is incredibly slow    --   in part,   because he’s careful,   and his leg strength is extremely limited,    but also because of this chronic pain.    running is near impossible.    he received minor cybernetic implants in between mass effect 1 and 2,   courtesy of cerberus,   that reinforced the bones in his legs.   it gives him more maneuverability,   as well as lessening the pain in his legs.    he still uses leg braces and crutches,   however.  

his upper body is stronger than his lower body,    and the bones are less fragile.    extremities like fingers do break somewhat easily,   though.   if he were to be,   i don’t know,   punched in the side,   cracked ribs would result.   he does have some minor arm strength   (strength used very loosely)    due in large part to physical therapy that he’s done over the years.   but,    no,     i don’t believe he’d be able to handle an assault rifle.   the kind of recoil a weapon like that could have,   even if it’s the Future,   would simply be too much   --   it would shatter his shoulder.  

as a reference point,    poking at him isn’t going to break anything   --   punching him will result in a Broken Face   --   a fall won’t kill him,   but it will likely result in something getting cracked,   or broken depending on how bad the fall is.   

joker is definitely not as Buff(tm) as the game makes him out to be.   he has no muscle,   at all.   he’s got a mostly slender appearance.   not necessarily sickly,    but not broad,   and definitely not muscular.   his physique is slightly padded with body fat,   giving him a Soft Look(tm) around the torso,    but the lines of his bones do protrude slightly,   especially around the joints and legs. 

❛    Mmm ,   is   it   too   late   to   say   too   soon ?   Cause  .  .  .  I  mean .    ❜