JeffinHell

This made me sad, who is this?!!

It really has been a while since I wrote anything like this but I feel like I need to get my head straight and this is one of my last resort ways to do so. I don’t understand how my brain can be functioning “normally” and then the pit in my stomach will open up and consume any rational or motivational thought that I have. I drove the whole way to work this morning feeling like an empty void, like nothing ever existed in my brain, like I am a no-one. I doubt myself and I don’t know who I am at times like this. I know that I have an interesting life and that I have awesome aspirations but this road block has been thrown up in my path so I feel worthless. It really is stupid that I often leave my happiness and hope with one person because I get attached to people so easily, whether they are just friends or more than just friends. I can’t cope when they aren’t there for me. It sounds so needy and selfish but I don’t know how to change it. All I crave is someone I can be myself around and be happy with. I really want to be happy by myself but I drive myself insane when I run things over in my own head and have no one to vent it too. I feel sick to the stomach that I can’t help myself. It sounds stupid but every time an opportunity to “make a wish” comes about, for the last year I have wished that I want to be happy. It still hasn’t happened yet I guess. Whether thats my own fault for not changing or if I just haven’t hit that point in my life yet, I don’t know. All i’m asking for in my life is a bit of consistency to help my mind heal a little. Its been ripped to shreds this year, more so than before and its not even been over anything life changing. I just want to wake up happy every day.