Nothing seems Sacred Anymore, Everything is Business
Some people assume that depression is simply a winter thing, a seasonal thing, or just a mental breakdown that is magically cured with pills. As a disabled brown man that lives with depression as well, I have discovered with time that depression is a spiritual thing.
Depression is Not a stereotype or an illness as deemed by the patriarchal medical model of disability and health, it is the product of many social factors: isolation, lack of consistent physical affection in an individual’s personal life, self- withdrawal, anger towards self and others, self- deprecating behaviors, and an unsavory amount of guilt (most of which people cannot control), etc.
Depression is as spiritual as much as it is environmental. It can also become a choice by which many folks hold themselves accountable for their lessons or mistakes. In other words, how some folks deal with their KARMA.
I’m old enough to know better and young enough to know that I still have more time in our device infested world. I find little to no joy in routine, although I need structure. I find little to no joy in using Zoom for any aspect of my current life, yet I need it to survive and “connect” on a certain level. I find little to no joy in going to the grocery store, where everyone wears a damn mask and where most folks confirm that they are selfish even in the pandemic, but I need food and toiletries. Most of all, I have NO desire to be sucked into anyone else’s energy or feelings anymore.
The more I have attempted to fit into the imposed cocoon of social norms that I was born into, the more I have shot myself in the foot...
Comparison and harsh capitalism are the real devil indeed.
The only way to face these things is to face my self every single day, and know that I was put here to do the right thing for myself. Don’t get me wrong, I am eternally blessed for my blessings, supportive networks and families. However, as dreadful as routines are for me, I need to find discipline to follow through, to achieve my very personal and sacred life goals, life goals that will lead me to be fully liberated from my love affair with pain and suffering.
A few lessons that I wanted to humbly and honestly share:
1. I just want to do the right thing for me, I want to live beyond survival, and that does not make me an inspiration. I am more than (self- imposed) labels.
2. Trust your intuition. Don’t be afraid of healthier boundaries. Sometimes people have to distance themselves from others to not hurt them, and mainly to protect oneself from self- harm (in any form) as well.
3. Self- affirmations, be it Confidence, Swagger, Beauty, Worth, Compassion and Love need to become unconditional. However, they take some Time.
4. Spiritual and physical connections go hand in hand when building deep intimate relationships. That’s the sexy connection and COMPANIONSHIP that I want to feel again.
5. Conventional ideas of marriage are arbitrary and at times oppressive to any gender identity. “Marriage” as it stands today and for about 100 plus years, is a financial/ business agreement or contract to me. Point blank. What’s Love Got to Do with It??!!
6. Private Life matters. Oversharing intimate, sensitive or private details of your life online is a choice, yet it also shows a lack of healthy boundaries and it can harm people’s emotional health. Just because your “friends” do it doesn’t mean you have to do it. Social media giants and peer pressure make me sick to my soul, literally and figuratively.
7. A phone call means 1000x more to me than a damn “Facetime.” Chatting ain’t the same as conversing...
8. I’m an old soul with some new school ways, a hopeless romantic that is fully aware that Love is a beautiful (spiritual) struggle, Not a fairytale.
9. It’s important to know how the enemy works. You must learn from your enemy while you are simultaneously learning about Your SELF.
10. It’s okay to not be okay. Don’t worry, not everyone will judge you. Be kinder to your journey.
11. Dreams, god(desses)s, angels and prayers send key messages. Through your resistance and stubbornness, be sure to write them down.
12. Believe that you ALL DAT! You are loved and protected even in the worst of nightmares, AND are Doable like art!
One step at a time towards Change and Freedom and letting go...
That’s that piece. Peace, Blessings, Love and Healing to y’all.
- JC Da MC
