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I madly recommend to read this short imagine as you listen to THIS song! 

April 3rd 2023 I was at the point of boredom where my thumb was firmly pressed against the arrow which pointed down - my eyes trying to find, once again, a movie to watch that could keep me and my mind busy for a while. Few minutes went before I gave up and rolling on my back, I placed the remoter on my stomach. The ceiling never been so interesting and full of details as it was today. I can tell I stared at nothing for good ten minutes before getting up and heading to the kitchen. At first I was aiming at the fridge but as I got closer to the kitchen, my eyes fell on the white, closed, envelope on the table.

The desire to know what was inside was killing me but, at the same time, those two letters written at the corner of the envelope were telling me to not open it.

Not yet.  

I sighed and shook my head, “Not yet” I whispered out loud.

My idea was to grab an apple and maybe go for a walk but my feet didn’t move. I stood there, my eyes still on the unopened envelope. Maybe today was the day.

“Fuck it” I said out loud and grabbed it. Once again, I was sitting on my couch but this time holding a white envelope. Slowly ripping it off, I slowly got the paper inside. It was folded and it seemed like a letter. My heart dropped as soon as I saw his handwriting, his messy handwriting. My eyes started to quickly scanner the words here and there trying to get some hints. I was so nervous and excited to know what he needed or wanted that I had to close my eyes and take deep breathes. Once I was calm enough to deal this, I started to read it.

May 16th 2017 Dear y/n, My dearest dear y/n. I hope you can still read my handwriting and I apologize in advance if this is going to turn out bad but I’ve been thinking about this for a while now and now I just want to let it out. So let me start from something you’ve always loved to hear: how are you? I’ve been told you are fine. To be honest I asked about you every time I had the chance. You know, y/n… I apologize for the shit I made you go through. It was the easiest thing in the world to be mad, especially at you. I was really angry at you for not being able to stay here, for not being able to keep up with my schedule and for not being able to deal with my shitty behavior - but one year later, here I am. I finally understood that life had other things in store for you - your task wasn’t loving me, looking after me or yelling at me every time I did something wrong. I thought about this for months but I do believe that we met for a reason - which I haven’t quite figured it out yet - but I know that you made me a better person. Once you lose something, you realize how precious it was and this happened to me when you walked out of my life. When I pushed you away, I realized how much I needed you. I needed your jokes, your big eyes, your loving touch at night, the adventures you planned at night for the next day. I changed for you, because of you. Thank you for helping me see the world - the real world. Thank you for teaching me to handle shit - because life gets you tons of shit sometimes. Thank you for teaching me to love myself and others. Thank you for also teaching me to love puppies, no matter what type. Thank you for putting your hands on my heart and for leaving your fingerprints on everything I was. I learnt from those fingertips, looked at them for months and realized I am worthy of love. No one deserves me like you do because you loved me for who I was, also the really ugly and dark parts of me. I think very fondly of you. This is probably going to come out wrong but I know we were both a pit stop on each other’s journey. I know that you couldn’t be who you are if it weren’t for my madness, and I, too, would not be me without you. I just wanted to thank you for stopping by. I still hope our ways can meet each other for a drink, or maybe two …

Yours, Justin" Mine, forever.

As he repeated he couldn’t stay – or at last couldn’t keep that relationship going, she forced herself past him and walked into the house. She didn’t wave goodbye to anyone, didn’t make a scene, didn’t slam the door as she escaped from that uncomfortable situation. She began the short journey to the hotel they were staying, walking slowly as she tried to wipe out all the thoughts which made her head feeling heavy but at the same time empty.

Although their friends were telling otherwise, Justin decided y/n needed some space to calm down.

After about one hour and half, as he entered their room, a new emotion welcomed him. It was quiet, so quiet he could barely hear his heartbeat going faster than the usual. He called her name once or twice as he opened different doors. He tried to open the bathroom door but it was locked. He knocked gently and called her name multiple times without receiving any answers. He stood there contemplating on what to do. He wasn’t used to it, he wasn’t used to face this side y/n was showing – neither he was used to beg for something. “Open up,” He tried to sound gently but it came out demanding. “God, please y/n…” He interrupted only to be cut off by the sound of door opening. Y/N was standing in front of the large mirror, a handful of handkerchiefs placed in her hand as she was wiping away the black smudges of eyeliner and mascara from her cheeks. She looked at the reflection on the mirror and watched as Justin slowly sat on the edge of the bathtub. He slightly spread his legs and placed his elbows on his thighs.

“Have you been crying?” He whispered after a few seconds of staring at her. Y/N scoffed and shook her head. Is this Sherlock? “I’m sorry you feel like this because of us...” he paused but his light brown eyes never left her. “Oh,” She forced herself to not throw all the handkerchiefs in her hands to his face. “There is no us, is there?” Her response was heartless for both of them and as she began to walk away, he quickly stood up and grabbed her by her wrist and pulled her to face him. “You haven’t heard what I said before; I don’t know what’s right or–” “Jesus Christ, who cares what you sa—?” She raised her voice trying to interrupt him but got cut off by him once again. “I care! And you can’t be mad at me for not knowing what’s the best for you!” He exclaimed looking straight into her eyes. “That’s what you don’t understand. I don’t need you to know what’s best for me.” She paused and closed her eyes for a second before opening them again. “I knew what was the best for me” y/n twisted her arm trying to break away from his grip. “You know what,” She raised her gaze from his tattooed arm. “I do believe you are the one who doesn’t know what’s the best for you – not for me. You are afraid of what’s coming … so don’t use me as an excuse.” “Me? Afraid? Really?” He furrowed his eyebrows and rolled his eyes as he slowly left her wrist. “You are constantly afraid, Justin.” Y/N looked down. “I live in Hollywood, I’m followed 24/7 by strangers, all my stories are out there… You have no idea what you are talking about, I thought you knew me better than this.” He scoffed and walked past her.

Now it was her turn to follow him inside the bedroom where he wandering for few seconds as if he was looking for something.  

“You’ve been acting weird for days – God knows for how long you’ve planned to drop me. I’m angrier you are blaming it on me. You are afraid to trust anyone and as soon as you start to have feelings, you get so scared that you freak out and push them away. You’ve done it before.”

He stared at her, his eyes losing sparkles and becoming slowly darker as he folded his arms against his chest.

“I told you I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing,” He spat without showing any signs of emotion. “And what do you want me to do?”

Silence fell between them as they both stared at each other. “I love you, y/n.”  He said biting the soft skin inside his cheek. Y/N exhaled a deep breath as Justin ran the palm of his hands up and down his face. “What does it mean now? You confuse me by confusing yourself.” “I’ve been told this was the right thing for the both of us – I’ve consumed myself these past few weeks because I don’t want to leave you. And I don’t know if this is wrong because someone else told me that it’s wrong but I just want to touch you right now.” He started walking toward her and once he was inches from her, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and gently placed his palm on the back of her head. “Just admit you care about me,” she whispered as she inhaled the smell of his cologne from his shirt.

He slowly let her go before he placed both of his hands on her upper arms. She let her gaze down to his arms – the contour of his muscles were visible through his tattoos which was something that always drove her crazy. “Y/N, look at me,” he whispered looking straight into her eyes once she looked up. “I’m completely honest when I say I care deeply about you. You are the finest and most precious woman I’ve never met and the thought of all the pain I caused you pains me as well. The following months won’t be easy for both but –” Justin stopped as y/n’s fingers adjusted his hair on his forehead. “God, all I want to do right now is kiss you.” He whispered closing his eyes and letting his hands sliding down until they reached her waist. “I want to show you how much I enjoy your presence by my side.” “Am I stopping you?” She whispered back placing her hands over his.