During these past few weeks I have been feeling emotionally and physically drained. I've been working a lot, and studying as much as I possibly can in my spare time in order to ensure that I am successful in my final attempt at the NCLEX exam. When I graduated from nursing school I thought I would finally be able to focus on creating music while working as a nurse. However, this has not been the case. I have felt as though I am neglecting my passion for music, and this has made it very difficult to keep moving forward. I've met some opposition from those who lack confidence in my abilities, and even in my professional and personal competence, which has been very painful and discouraging. I've also encountered a form of opposition from well meaning friends who encourage me to drop nursing either because they think I am avoiding my goals, or because they have difficulty accepting the means by which I choose to pursue them. I do not blame these friends for their opposition, because I am constantly being forced to remind myself that working toward my nursing license is another way of working toward my musical goals. I want to clarify the nature of my musical goals. I have always loved music. Since childhood it has been simultaneously my emotional expression, and psychological processing tool. I remember telling my mother when I was five years old that I wanted to be a singer, but what I truly wanted was to use music as an avenue for authentic communication. I wanted to slice through all the superficial pleasantries and all the complexities of human interaction, and just be there in the room with people, relating to them with sincerity and vulnerability. Yes, that's what I wanted at five years of age. Maybe not in so many words, but more simply: to understand, and to be understood by others. Music has that power. But, as I have studied and worked toward becoming a nurse, I have found some beautiful symmetries and parallels between music and nursing that have made my efforts feel less absurd. Music conveys emotion: anger, joy, love, and sadness. It provides the listener with the opportunity to empathize with, or be encouraged by the emotion and vulnerability of the musician. Nursing provides an equally admirable opportunity and privilege. It allows one human, skilled and healthy, to reach into those moments of anger, joy, love, and sadness, and be there in a more literal way, maintaining honesty and vulnerability, with a sick and hurting human being. What makes nursing even more significant to me is the element of hands on participation that takes place in the actual physical, and emotional healing process. I am reminded to push on by these thoughts and by the words of those more wise and more experienced than myself. "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. No enterprise can exist for itself alone. It ministers to some great need, it performs some great service, not for itself, but for others; or failing therein, it ceases to be profitable and ceases to exist." - Calvin Coolidge
amandla
