Jasmine’s Ramblings

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            “I thought you said you loved me the way I am.” Arms crossed, the Grinch's shoulders rose to his ears as he sulked.

            “Of course I do!” Martha pleaded from beside him. “I just want you to be the best version of yourself.”

            “Maybe this is the best me.”

            “Sweetie, it's not going to hurt you, or even change you.” She motioned to the point of contention before them. “It's just a bath.”

            He looked away. “I smell fine.”

            “You practically live in a garbage dump!” She sighed. “Look, I do love you the way you are, I just don't want you to get dirt and grease on my furniture or...” she twirled a lock of hair, “me.”

            One eye narrowing confused, he turned to her. “Why would it-”

            She looked at him with puppy eyes and puckered lips.

Martha: You have to apologize to them, Grinch

Grinch: Fine! But I must warn you, this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the grinch you fell in love with.

Grinch: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?

Martha: It was autocorrect.

Grinch: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?

Martha: Yes.

Grinch: Goodnight to the love of my life, Martha, and fuck the rest of y'all.

Grinch: I fell—

Martha : From heaven?

Grinch: No, I literally fell—

Martha : In love with me the moment you saw me?

Grinch: MY ARM IS BROKEN!

Martha : Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.

Grinch: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?

Martha : Peonies, why?

Grinch:

Martha : Were you going to get me flowers?

Grinch:

Martha:

Grinch: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

*Martha and Grinch skipping stones on lake*

Martha: It’s such a beautiful evening.

Grinch, whispering: Take that you fucking lake

Martha: Do you take constructive criticism?

Grinch: I only take cash or credit.

Martha: Hey Grinch , I’ve got an idea for how to solve this.

Grinch , pulling out a shotgun: Yeah?

Martha: Wh- No! That’s not the idea, Grinch !

Martha, pointing: May I sit there?

Grinch: That's my lap

Martha: That doesn't answer my question, Grinch .

*Grinch comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in Martha ’s bedroom.*

Martha: Babe, are you.. coming to bed?

Grinch: No thank you, I’m sure you’re lovely but I have a girlfriend.

Grinch: *Lies on the ground and falls asleep*

Martha: ...

Martha: I made this bracelet for you.

Grinch: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person.

Martha: You don’t have to wear…

Grinch: No, I’m gonna wear it forever. Back off.

Martha: Talk dirty to me~

Grinch: Inflation is a serious problem and lumber prices are at a high.

Martha: Wha-

Grinch: The economy is in shambles

Grinch: Martha , why are you crying?

Martha: This book is so sad!!

Grinch, picking it up: But this is my diary-

Grinch: Hey, wanna help me commit arson?

Martha: What the hell!?

Grinch: Oh, sorry, my bad.

Grinch, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson?

Martha, whispering: Of course. What do you need?

Grinch: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Martha: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Grinch: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Martha: Is it working?

Martha: Are you ready to commit?

Grinch: Like, a crime or a relationship?

Martha: When I was young, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I'm not proud of it.

Grinch: You're kind of proud of it. You work it into a lot of conversations.

Grinch: I think I just figured something out. I got to go.

Martha: Aren't you forgetting something?

Grinch: Uuh...*hesitantly kisses Martha 's forehead before running out.*

Martha: No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?

Martha: We all have our demons.

Martha, grabbing Grinch: This one’s mine.

Grinch: You’re giving me a sticker?

Martha: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”

Grinch: I’m not a preschooler.

Martha: Fine, I’ll take it back-

Grinch: I earned this, back off!

Grinch: Martha, do you love me?

Martha: Of course I do.

Grinch: Would you still love me if I did something bad?

Martha: Well, of course I…. Would…

Grinch: I mean something really… really bad.

Nobody asked but I made a romance novel cover for Grinch and Martha May 👀

Merry Grinchmas, from my OTP 💚💚💚