Jammins:

Everyone in porno has a cute pink little asahole with no hair or hemorrhoids. A perfect little baby starfish. Not me. My asshole is a craggy PIT

Gonna queue this up to reblog around 8am my time bc it’s not fair that only the British people get to suffer

it’s ok some of us are irish 💕

Your people have suffered enough

another cool bug on this site is when youre on mobile and suddenly the ads will just move and cover the post youre reading

if shrek is not gay why does he have so many gay friends

You go into a creepy mansion and there’s a cloaked figure learning how to play the organ from a YouTube tutorial on their phone. You leave them to it.

she really went through every stage of grief, huh?

I think she invented new stages of grief

*jumps to the worst possible conclusion* parkour

I hate my fucking sniper rifle its so stupid

stop posting this kinda shit my vestigial fish brain wanna go home

I fill my pockets with rocks and walk into the sea, but all it does it pull my pants down and I float harmlessly and pantslessly to the surface

*flirtatiously* bleeding out all by yourself, handsome?

even if you can persuade her to keep you, she’ll no longer be enough. and the comfort will grow stale. and casting about in the dark for some proof that you mattered and finding none, you’ll know…that you gave it away…in this moment…on this island. left it in the ground………….along with that chest. if you even care

i’m literally so fucking stupid. i don’t know why my hypochondriatic ass went on fucking google to google why the fuck i’ve been itching for two days—bitch—it might just be because i’m having a reaction to something, but fucking google wants to go and say, “oh, it’s fucking liver disease!” bitch, so do you know where i’m going right now? i’m going to the fucking ER, because it cannot be liver disease. no, no, no. honestly, like, i just, i just can’t move. get the fuck out of my way, bitch, i’m turning on my hazards. this is ridiculous. this is a fucking emergency—liver disease!—li—google, wh—liver disease? why are you, what? what do you mean? li—oh, no, no no no, not the liver disease, yeah (oh my fucking gosh)