Black Bull to a white Married BBC SLUT

🥰💞 This is so true! I was just talking about this with someone last night. I see many submissives jump into another dynamic not long after one ends. I totally understand feeling like you need the dynamic to thrive because I absolutely do better when I am held accountable and provided with rules and structure and of course everyone likes to be loved, guided, nurtured, etc.

But until you take time outside of a dynamic to heal and work on yourself, you won’t be able to understand the importance of this concept. It is amazing to have someone help you work through things, but sometimes it takes being alone and having to face yourself for you to truly be able to make changes. It can take being broken to make you take inventory and realize that if you don’t work on certain things and make changes within yourself for yourself, then you will keep repeating the same habits of destructive behavior.

When my dynamic/marriage ended, I can’t tell you how many messages I got from Doms wanting to get to know me and see where things go. They wanted to take my pain away and show me what it meant to be loved correctly. That would have been the easy way out, and I am so thankful that despite my thinking that I need a dynamic to be my best self that I trusted my gut that said that as much as it sucked and as lonely as I would feel at times, I needed to take time away from being within a dynamic to heal and work on myself.

It was extremely hard work to have to come to the realization that although nothing warrants abuse (I know that even had I been perfect, the abuse would have still happened), and it wasn’t my fault, sometimes I am the problem. I had things deep down that I needed to work on and change about myself that someone that I would have been in a new dynamic with would not have been able to know about me or help me work on because at that point, I didn’t even recognize them myself. It took being in a totally broken state and feeling like I couldn’t go on to force me to realize that I am responsible for my own happiness and my own feelings of self-worth. My happiness and how I felt about myself was totally dependent on one person for so long that when that person was gone, I felt like I couldn’t breathe and that I wouldn’t be able to live without them.

I am not going to lie and say it wasn’t horrible and the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do going through this process alone. What I am going to say is that it was NECESSARY! The process is continuous because we should always be working on ourselves, and once we get to the point (which takes a long while… for me it’s been a year so far) where we have made changes in the major areas that we needed to work on and have learned to truly love ourselves and not have to rely on validation from others in order to be happy or feel good about ourselves, only then can we truly thrive within a dynamic.

I am a fixer. I am also an empath. This is one of the reasons that I experience the depth of emotions that I do. This is also the reason that I am so passionate about helping others because I know it sounds crazy but I can literally feel their pain, and I want to take it away from them, many times at the cost of sacrificing my own mental health which is something that I am currently working on for myself. I also had to realize that I can’t fix/save everybody, and just like me, they have to put in the work towards healing, changing negative behaviors, and being able to genuinely love themselves and knowing their worth is not dependent on anyone else. I can give advice and help guide someone through the process, but only that person truly knows the issues that they struggle with deep down, and they are the only one who can make those changes when they are ready.

Obviously, you are never completely healed from trauma. You work through it and learn to cope. With time, the pain lessens. So I am not saying that you have to complete the entire healing and self-work process on your own. You do however have to get to the place where you have dug deep down and know what changes have to be made and have been actively working towards changing those things and knowing that you are truly worthy and how you feel about yourself is not reliant on anyone but yourself. You can’t expect someone else to fix you. When you get to a certain point, they can absolutely help encourage you, guide you, reinforce positive thoughts and behaviors and discourage negative ones, but they can’t do this if you have not already put in the work necessary to be changing these things on your own and for yourself.

Although this was written from my perspective as a submissive, the same applies to Dominants. I absolutely know that Doms are also abused and taken advantage of and hurt just as deeply as subs. Just because they are the leader/guide/protector doesn’t mean that they don’t experience emotions and pain just as deeply as we do. They are just expected by many to hold it in and not express these emotions outwardly or they feel like it makes them seem weak. There is nothing about showing emotions that makes anybody weak. In my opinion, it makes them stronger.