Jay Fitz

  "Into… what?"

"Actually...Come to think of it, I think I'd prefer you out of it," he tugged at the strap of her dress, then let it ping back into place, grinning. 

  "Wh-what?"

"I was just being a dick. Why, you into it?"

"I really- I really think this would look better without the ruffles and maybe in like a slate blue instead of pink. I don’t know why but I just do. Wh-what do you think?"

"I think it'd look better on the floor, personally."

  I’m sorry to disappoint, but..

Oh for fuck's sake, stay there. I'm getting the drinks in...only because I need a moment away from you, of course. 

  Well, not really; I’m not blonde, or underage, and I’m certainly not dim. 

Well fuck it, I'm blond and dim enough for the both of us...Just tell me you were a cheerleader in high school, and we can get  on with this thing.

  What a shame. Do those standards include dim, blonde and underage?

Ay, you're three for three, tonight! Let's get a drink, to celebrate. 

  Old enough to buy my own drinks.

Oh, well in that case you’re much too old for me…I have very strict standards. 

  I highly doubt there are any one-hundread year olds. Like, highly doubt. Well, there’s not much wrong with that, there are sixteen year olds that are someone’s mom. But you can’t buy drinks for sixteen year olds, either.

I can't buy drinks for teenagers?....How old are you, then?

  Whoever was around in the real twenties is over ninety-four years old.

But you won't be able to tell, under all the silicone; I've just found out I've been buying drinks for someone's mom all night. 

Only by the old farts who were actually around in the real twenties.

 I need a drink. I need a drink— right now. Please?

Brilliant, you can grab me one, too.

"I really dont have much time left to find someone to go with. I obviously have to go alone, yes. I will go alone."

Doesn't really matter if you go alone, just that you don't leave alone. 

  "Shit, man, for real? I hate that. Must suck, having people tending to your every need.”

"Now that's not completely true - I still have to shower alone...sometimes."

  "That must be tough."

"And I can't even make a cup of coffee, because the chef thinks he owns the kitchen..."

"Why didn’t you just tell her to come back later?"

"My Polish is a bit lacking."