→ GENERAL INFORMATION

Name: Javier Navarro

Date of birth: December 3rd

Age: 35

Hometown: Charleston, South Carolina

Current Residency: Fairvale safe haven, Georgia; Arrived April 2020

Occupation: Mechanic; Maintenance

Luck, sure. Ali dropped her gaze then, thinking back to the happenstance that formed when she ran into Willow who told her all about Fairvale. It hadn’t felt real then, barely felt that way now, and she couldn’t imagine that it was only luck that anyone found this place. But maybe there was some truth to it. Her eyes darted back towards his face when he mentioned having a concussion. It took a moment for her to pull back every emotion from her face as she took in that he hadn’t come in of his own volition, not entirely. Not if he had a concussion at the time but needed a place to rest and heal up.

She didn’t want to think of what might have happened to him then if he hadn’t found this place, if the concussion had been bad enough to take him out before he even stood a chance against the shit that was outside the walls. Ali didn’t want to even think about the way that her heart twisted into a knot at the notion that he might not have made it at all. Her lips parted, ready to say something or drop the coffee in her hands to inspect his head to make sure that he was fine but everything was frozen back into the place of indecision and unable to fully understand what she was supposed to do in her position. She wasn’t entitled to care about him, but it didn’t matter how often she reminded herself of that fact when her heart was still in charge and wanted everything to be righted between them.

          “It’s a good thing that you found this place then,” she spoke, settling for the middle ground where she didn’t feel foolish or completely dismiss what he must have been going through then. It wasn’t fair, again, that she was caught somewhere in between two sides of a coin that couldn’t settle for one side or the other. If it could, then maybe she would be done with the way that everything hurt when she was around him or how much lonelier it felt when he wasn’t around.

Taking the sip of coffee was meant to not only clear her mind but make it so that she didn’t have to think up something else to say that felt awkward and out of place when the real questions were too heavy to lift off the tip of her tongue. It would have helped, if not for the bitter taste that left her regretting it as much as she needed another sip - it felt like something normal out of the surreal reality they lived in now like she had made it too strong and needed to search for more sugar in their kitchen.

Ali’s gaze softened when he laughed, a momentary collapse of her walls before they shot back up again and fear coursed through her veins that she was softening to him when she had been the one to believe that nothing could get back to the way it was between them. Ourselves. “It’s like they’ve never made a cup of coffee before, at least not one where they needed taste buds to drink it.”

— 🔧 —

It’s hard, the way he can see the flashes of her for brief moments before it gets shut back behind the walls she’s constructing around her heart. It makes him ache for her that much more - the woman he loved so deeply, and had hurt just as much. He’d made a mistake. A horrible, terrible one that he hadn’t stopped regretting since the moment he’d done it.

And it had been for nothing. It hadn’t meant a thing - but make everything so much worse.

The worst part of it all? The way she was looking at him now...the way she guarded everything she did and said, keeping herself hidden away and instead giving off an air of disinterest. He couldn’t tell if it was truly how she felt, that she’d come to hate him so much that she could hardly care about what he was going through...or if it was just some sort of defense mechanism, a way of protecting herself from getting hurt again.

“Yeah,” he agreed, lifting his shoulders in a bit of a shrug. “I suppose it is.” Fairvale might’ve saved his life after getting out of that hellhole, and he was grateful for it. But now he felt as if he owed a debt - and he still felt lost.

He still wasn’t even sure whether or not this was all a dream. What if it was? What if it wasn’t? Neither option felt quite right.

A soft hum of acknowledgement sounded in the back of his throat, studying the cup in his hand. Would it always be like this? Would there be people in years to come that had never once tasted a decent cup of coffee? “It must be the grounds, or beans, or whatever they’ve got, right? I mean, its only been like...a year... Shit that had been left on the shelves can’t be expired yet, right? Unless it’s the machines, or something like that...I dunno.” It was easier to ramble off on the topic of the coffee rather than anything of significance. Easier than seeing the look in her eyes each time they flickered towards or away from him.

Yet the question that lingered on his tongue was having a hard time staying buried. He needed to know where she’d been, what had happened to her - that she was actually okay - if she’d even actually tell him anything.

li wasn’t sure how she felt in the moment. Not exactly. Her own reaction to him asking her to stay was reason enough to acknowledge that she was currently standing on a ledge, staring back at him and know that she had already given him her heart once before. It hadn’t ended well. It was bruised and missing pieces, ones that she’d never expected to get back and had been happy for so many years knowing that they were safe with him. But Ali didn’t feel that way with him now, which left an ache in her chest that only got worse the longer that they stood in that damn line that was quickly disappearing.

She didn’t know what to make of him being there for months, not when she’d only managed to find her way there by complete accident ( and a recruiter that fed her the same speech that she guessed many of the others heard and believed too ). “How’d you find it?” Another question. Ali pressed her lips together, nervousness coursing through her veins as she clutched her hands for a moment before letting her hands fall to her sides and hope that she didn’t look how she felt.

They had too much history between them for her to not care, even if she told herself time after time that he didn’t get her heart or her compassion anymore - not after what happened. She couldn’t afford to be hurt like that again, but it seemed like her mouth had other ideas as it kept talking and putting her right back in the same spot that she’d sought to avoid since seeing him the first time. Distance was the only thing that would help, but it was near impossible with the size of the town and the people in it. They were going to run into each other, even if she wanted to avoid him, but Ali didn’t have to get involved. Or ask questions.

But she said okay instead of leaving him there to get a coffee. She’d said okay to having a conversation which was all that he’d asked for before - for months he wanted to talk and talk, but she couldn’t so much as handle the sound of his voice without it cutting through her and bring everything that hurt to the surface. Still, she was the one that said okay and was standing there with a coffee in her hand as they moved from the line towards where others were standing and sitting around.

The normalcy of it was going to hit her hard when her mind wrapped around it all, watching him curiously as much as she worked to keep her expression guarded when he tried his coffee first. “You might have to accept that it is the best cup of coffee in the world, because it might be the only one left,” she replied, eyes dropping to her cup as she took a sip and made a small face at the bitterness even with the sugar added. “Okay, not the best.”

— 🔧 —

A part of him wanted to avoid the question she asked. Maybe she wasn’t actually that interested in the details or cared to know what had happened to him over the months of this...apocalyptic nightmare. But at the same time, he’d learned a hard enough lesson when it came to keeping things from her - even if this wasn’t anything like the last lie he’d kept from her. 

He cleared his throat, a hand lifting to brush through his hair as he contemplated how to explain what had happened to him. He didn’t necessarily want to burden her with it, or cause her any undue worry. Afterall, he was here now, he was healthy, all things considered. Though if she didn’t even care...he didn’t want to know what it would feel like to actually have that acknowledged for him, either. 

“How does anyone find a place like this?” He spoke finally, shoulders lifting in a shrug. He’d been fortunate enough, he supposed, to stumble upon it with the others. Though truth be told, he hardly remembered it. “Luck, I guess. I don’t...know, really.” 

It could be taken many ways, of course. That it was just happenstance, that there wasn’t a real explanation for it other than luck. But there was so much more to it than that. He’d been lucky to even be on his feet at all. “I don’t remember it much - getting here or the first few weeks, really. I had a concussion...Or I guess, have one? I dunno - It doesn’t matter. I’m feeling better now.” 

He tried to offer her a bit of a smile in reassurance because he didn’t want her worrying about him - there was already so much to be worrying about in this world of theirs. She had more than enough on her plate as it was. Besides, he was reading too much into it as it was - stressed about worrying her, stressed at the idea that she might not even care at all. It was all bringing back that all too familiar pounding in his head. 

Thumbing the rim of the coffee cup he pursed his lips, considering the idea that it might actually be the best cup of coffee left in the world at the moment. Certainly Fairvale wasn’t the only functioning civilization on the entire planet...right? But regardless, it might be the only coffee they could get their hands on ever again - at least for a while. 

Two months. Ali had to close her eyes for a moment, even if it felt much longer as she processed where she’d been for the past two months while he’d been here. Or how much time transpired between them from the last time that she’d seen him until now — and it was unsettling. All she could remember was wanting to spend her entire life with him, unable to think of even single reason as to why they wouldn’t have been together then or now.

Except that it was hard not to look at his face and see it there — the lie and the deceit that he hid from her when they were both feeling the pain and loss. But underneath that was every single reason that she loved him for more than half her life. So when her eyes opened a moment later, Ali had to look at him even when she felt her entire wall rise up when he stepped back in close again.

She didn’t think that he’d try to touch her again, or risk pulling her in for her body to react the same way that it had beforehand where she froze up and wasn’t able to do what she wanted. Not without feeling every broken piece of her that fit all too well against him. “You’ve been here two months..” And she knew then that she wanted to know where else he’d been before that, even if she couldn’t get the words out. Instead Ali nodded as if taking him at his word.

The counter opened up before them, leaving her without any more reason to stand there with him because as soon as he ordered his drink; this would be over. She could take her own drink and go straight back to the farm where no one would bother her aside from a few volunteers that showed up from time to time. 

What she didn’t expect was for Javi to ask her to stay. It showed on her face then, unable to keep the sliver of shock and uncertainty from taking over as she looked to the person behind the counter like they would be able to interrupt before she answered. No such luck. She was caught between what she wanted to say and what she thought she should say. “Okay.” 

Apparently what she wanted to say won out, for once — though there was no telling if it was a good idea or not as she nodded once more. “Yeah… okay.” Though she wasn’t sure what they would talk about that wouldn’t lead down an old path once more. 

— 🔧 —

Javier wasn’t sure how to read her reaction; It stung to know, but he was having a hard time reading her at all. She was closed off to him, the pages that had once been to open and welcoming disappearing behind a wall of bindings to block him out. Was she glad that he’d been here for two months, safe behind the walls? Was she angry because he’d been here while she’d been out there, experiencing the worst of what this world could offer? 

Or did she not care, either way? Just a simple acknowledgement, a random topic of conversation that didn’t actually matter? He had a hard time believing that, that she’d been able to so easily cut him from her life to not even care about anything relating to him anymore -- but maybe that would’ve been the better choice for her, too. 

Easier not to wonder and worry about the unknown of another person when you decided not to care. 

“Yeah...give or take,” he gave a bit of a nod, confirming the statement as she remarked on it, still not certain if it was with distain (like Gabe) or relief, or maybe somewhere in between...

Her agreement to stick around and continue this conversation (as painfully awkward as it was), caught him off guard, though. With that deer in the headlights look she’d worn when her eyes had first landed on him, he’d figured she’d take any excuse to escape as soon as possible. But instead, she’d chosen the more difficult path, surely. It flooded his chest with some small sense of hope that maybe he hadn’t ruined everything between them. 

“Okay,” he repeated simply, trying to resist the smile that was pushing its way onto his lips. 

Once the order had been placed and collected and they’d stepped out of the crowded confines of the shop, Javi felt like he could finally breathe again - at least a little better. It wasn’t only the nerves of finding his footing with Ali again that had his heart rate increasing, evidently. 

Another round of questions were on the tip of her tongue when he spoke again, bringing them to the surface with how much she wanted to know about the time spent apart. It was a bittersweet feeling, when the taste of it in the back of her throat left her struggling to remember to think straight rather than how loud her heart sounded when it was pounding in her ears. Ali didn’t think it fair, she rarely did, that she couldn’t agree on one feeling over the rest of them that were chaotic in her chest and it was all because of him.

She hated him for it, as much as she hated herself for still loving him throughout it all.

            “How long?” The words slipped out before she caught them again, ready to stuff them back down with the rest of them even as her gaze had to find anything else to look at other than him. If he could see into them, then he’d see the ache that hid behind the coldness that she clung to for survival. “I mean, how long have you been here?” Her voice at least didn’t sound shaky as she frowned slightly at herself. Had he only gotten there before her? Or had he been there for most of the time that she had been out on her own — one question was going to lead to her demise at keeping the rest of them from spilling out as well.

Still, the line was practically gone ahead of them and left her reeling for some kind of escape before they hit the counter at the same time. Or maybe she was looking for another reason to stay there longer, even if the pain was bothersome — it was familiar by this point. That and being alone. “Well, I think you’re up next so… no pressure,” she spoke again, eyes flickering back towards him again before she let her gaze fall to the floor before her. At least there it felt safe, even if heat rose up the back of her neck at how pathetic she felt.

He’d broken her heart, tore it out and stepped all over it and asked for forgiveness — all because she hadn’t been there for him when the hurt became too much for her to bear. And because of that, now all she dealt with was nothing but feeling broken and lost even when she walked into Fairvale. Nothing’s changed, she told herself, even if she wanted to see him smile regardless of the lingering effects that would leave her sad for the rest of the day.

— 🔧 —

It’s the first question that has any sort of substance behind it, and even as she asks it Javi can see in her face that she hadn’t entirely meant to, her eyes skirting away. He couldn’t quite read her, and he hated it - he couldn’t tell if she actually wanted answers to these questions she kept choking down, or if she was asking because it seemed like the ‘right thing to do’ but she could honestly care less. It was a war as to whether she still cared about him but was trying not to or if she could not care less and was only putting up with him out of necessity of sorts. 

There was obviously one option he preferred over the other. He had to believe he knew her better than anyone, that her heart simply wasn’t made of the stuff to cast him out completely after everything they’d been through together. Even after his worst mistakes. Even after he’d hurt her so deeply. 

Was it possible he could earn her forgiveness? Did he even really deserve it? 

“I think...about, two months, or so. But uh -” he swallows, clearing his throat before stepping to close the distance created between them and the front of the queue. “Only really...out and about to see much of it more recently.” He’d spent time recovering, and even after that he’d hidden away in maintenance HQ because it was familiar, a comfort that still kept him distanced from too much of this community. It wasn’t until recently that Fairvale started to feel like it might be somewhere he could stay, somewhere he could maybe consider starting over in. 

But then all these ghosts of his past started showing up, and he was off balance - again. 

✞

perhaps someone else—someone kinder, more sincere, more willing to be of help—would have insisted, but mateo only nods in response to the mechanic’s rejection of his offer, crossing his arms over his chest as he scans the room again, this time for the gun cleaning kit. it’s a useless endeavour, given how much junk filled the space. not that he’d ever say that out loud; one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, after all, and mateo’s not about to risk stepping on javi’s toes just because he can’t find any value in half taken apart toasters and cars missing all of its wheels.

‘ i’ll get out of your hair as soon as i find the kit, ’ mateo says, uncrossing his arms so that he can start searching the work stations. his hand is maybe half an inch from what looks like it might have once been part of a radio when he pauses, glancing over his shoulder at the older man. ‘ you sure you don’t need an extra pair of hands? no offence, but i’m surprised you’re able to find anything in here at all. ’

— 🔧 —

The wrench is tossed back into it’s home along with the others once Javier finishes up with what he was working, stepping back from the vehicle and closing the hood. He wipes the grease from his hands onto a towel tucked into his pocket, refocusing his attention on the kit that Mateo’s after - if only to get the kid out of his hair a little faster. It’s not that he doesn’t like company; more so he has learned that he cannot place his trust in people anymore. While he doubts Mateo’s intentions here could possibly be sinister, that doesn’t change the fact that he’d rather have him out of here than puttering about. 

“You eager to organize?” Javier wasn’t going to disagree about the place needing some sprucing up, but it hadn’t been a task he’d gotten around to just yet; nor was it that high on his priority list. True that there might be some buried treasure among the ‘junk’, but since he’d gotten his hands into maintenance HQ there hadn’t exactly been all that much idle time. There was always another project. 

“What I’ve needed hasn’t been so hard to find,” he remarks absently, moving across the room to sort through some of the contents that had been haphazardly thrown upon the back workbench - the same place he was rather certain he’d seen the gun cleaning kit deposited not so ---

A-ha.

Feeling like a coward had never been a strong point for Ali, but that was exactly how she felt in his presence as she reminded herself over and over again all that they’d gone through together. And separately. Ali had been the one to run and hide from him when she was hurting the most, but she never would have thought in a million years that he’d run to someone else. Not to mention that her thoughts would constantly send her back to that place rather than find a way to heal through all the mess that was her old life.

Months on her own should have been more than enough time to process, find that even as the world ended around her in more ways than one that she was the one still standing. And yet, all she wanted was someone to interrupt and tear them apart from the awkward pain that was hanging in the air between them. She could feel the questions on the tip of her tongue, ones that she wanted to ask from the moment she knew that he was there but was unable to get them out.

Instead they stood there and spoke about coffee, like two strangers that were only committed to small talk before they moved on with their lives which would have left her in tears. If only she hadn’t used them all up the last time that he walked away, Ali had gotten real good at keeping them to herself. “Oh, I thought… maybe you’d already had something here.” Or that she would have an excuse to walk away from him rather than be standing there before him without knowing what to do with her hands. They were so used to being held by him, and now, they hung there uselessly by her sides as she glanced back at the board to keep from staring at him.

          “When they gave me the town tour, I didn’t believe it was real.” And she wanted to check it out for herself to see if any of it was real. Even seeing him again didn’t feel real as her fingers twitched, wanting to reach out and touch him just to make sure that he was real. But she could remember the feel of his hands on her face, which left her flushed and panicked at the thought of falling back into old feelings that she pushed down. “I didn’t believe that any of this was real, not after being out there…” Her gaze lifted back again to study his face, trying to avoid his eyes as much as she could but it was harder to do the longer that she stood there as Ali cleared her throat. “Maybe you should go first, try it out and tell me if it’s any good. That way if it’s terrible then I don’t have to suffer through it.”

— 🔧 —

“No, I uh - hadn’t really gotten around to it until now. Haven’t been here all that long.” When he’d arrived in Fairvale only a couple months before he’d been seeking a safe place to rest his head and recuperate. Staying in such a community had not been on his list of things to do, particularly after what he’d seen of the last place. He didn’t know what sort of ugly might lurk beneath the surface. Having to survive simply to live a life did strange things to humanity. 

But then it proved to be a place of growth, of familiarity...and it became more and more difficult to consider leaving. It wasn’t as if there was anything out beyond the walls left for him, anyway. At the time...he’d assumed they were all dead.  

“Yeah...” he murmured in agreement to the words that Ali spoke, his head bobbing in a nod. He hadn’t been completely certain it was real, either. Frankly, he still wasn’t convinced of what was reality and what wasn’t. It was too hard to tell anymore. All of this...it could just be a protective measure his mind had constructed, an alternate reality better than his true one.

Then again, if it were simply some hopeful fever dream, there were things he wished for even more that still seemed to be slipping between his fingers. 

He wanted to know what had happened to her out there, where she’d been all this time, if she was truly okay after what the world had been throwing at her - but none of the questions would leave his tongue. It was easy enough to see how uncomfortable she was even standing next to him. Why would she want to tell him anything at all? 

Maybe now was the time that he should leave Fairvale. At least he’d know she was safe and taken care of, here. And he truly couldn’t blame her for wanting him out of her sight. 

⛰️

Maybe she wanted something to come out of Javier, but Camryn can’t say for sure. It was more so an expectation she had held the moment she’d seen his face. Not back when she slipped out of her blankets while everyone slept, or when she packed away enough supplies to get her to her next destination without the rest of the Navarro siblings. Any chance of regret or guilt had been switched to off once she’d been on her own long enough. She just didn’t think she’d ever have to face the consequences of her actions so it’s easy for her to play it up into something bigger than it is…

Javier is not thrilled, but he is taking the higher road in the matter. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have assumed that you would have.” And maybe if she hadn’t been on the council in a position that needs the trust and faith of the community (to some degree, because there are plenty still shaken by Kit and suspicious no matter how good the intentions are) she’d care less. That has to be in.

“It’s far more on brand for your brother to act that way.” Wherever Gabriel might be now she’s sure he’d be more vocal about his grievances with her. He’s always had that rough-around-the-edges feel, Cam could tell in the short time she’d spent with the three of them. But Camryn just finds herself shrugging in all the nonchalance she could muster up, void of any pride, just this casual coolness over the situation like there isn’t a worry festering beneath her skin.

“Nothing beyond the scope of my job. But to be honest, Javier, it was just a pleasantry.” So she could go satisfy her curiosity. “It’s still within my duties so if anything comes to mind you can find me, or any of the other council members, at the Town Hall.”

— 🔧 —

There seems to be something she’s looking for from him, but Javier can’t figure out what it is. Certainly not forgiveness - because if that were the case, he wasn’t about to offer it up. He could leave it in the past, but there would always been that reminder that she’d betrayed any trust they’d fostered between them. He wasn’t about to easily forgive and forget it. And certainly he wasn’t going to just lay his trust in her once more. Sure, she was on the council of this little town he’d found himself in...but that didn’t mean he had to trust her - or the rest of them, for that matter. 

He doubted she was fishing for forgiveness, though. It didn’t seem her style. She felt she had to do what she did, and she probably didn’t think there was anything to be forgiven. Or was there some guilt hidden under all that nonchalance and puffed up justifications?

“Cool,” Oliver nodded, looking around the shop. There was a lot of stuff in there but without some kind of direction, he had no idea what was a work in progress, what was waiting to be started, or what was useless. It all looked interesting though and as someone who tended to avoid downtime until someone forced him to relax, there did look like there would be plenty of projects to be found.

His attention snapped back to Javier.

“Uh, yeah,” Oliver said, scratching the edge of his jaw. “I mean, this is my job. I just… do everything.”

It didn’t feel like enough explanation; it usually wasn’t. When he’d show up to wherever he’d been assigned for the day, or where someone had indicated they might need extra help, he was usually greeted with some confusion and hesitance. A little bit of “what are you doing here?” and a little of “please don’t get in the way”. 

“I think the council started calling me an all-rounder,” he said, “or something like that. They send me somewhere or I hear about people needing extra help and I just… go there. I think it’s because I’ll do anything. Sorting, building, cleaning up scrap. So. Yeah. I’m on distribution today.”

— 🔧 —

Javier couldn’t help the way his eyes grew the slightest bit skeptical at the explanation of his job. Those who filled roles around town did so because it was where their skillset fit best: he had been a former mechanic, so working with cars and other mechanical related issues made sense; that medic at the clinic was a former EMT, so naturally continuing that sort of work was invaluable, particularly in these times. If your previous profession didn’t really line up with anything in particular, there were certainly plenty of other odd jobs around the town that needed doing - posting at the gates to ensure no dead got too close, searching for supplies, trying to make a proper living out of this world overrun with death.

‘I do everything’ just seemed like an answer for someone who was mediocre at everything, master of none. Not to mention, if he was going to show up in the shop and require training to get anything done, then he was practically useless to Javier. But hey, maybe he could just be that guy who does all the shit no one else wants to do - the ‘go-fer’, the clean up crew, and what not.

Ali opened her mouth to respond immediately, having a split second there before everything else caught up with her and the thoughts bombarded her to remind all that was different now. She did hate black coffee, but things were not the same as they once were — people changed. They did what needed to be done to survive which included drinking something that she wouldn’t have touched in her old life, which he knew. A painful reminder that he knew her well, even better than she used to know herself at times when he could pick apart everything that she was feeling and help her through it. 

But that wasn’t the same anymore, was it? “Yeah well… things change, people can change,” she spoke, trying to keep her voice steady and soft as she glanced at the menu ahead of her as others began to clear out and leave her with little choice than to take a step forward as the line grew behind her. It was a step towards Javi, but she felt caught up in some whim of hers to try this coffee and the need to run and hide from her feelings. Ali shook her head. “If that were true, then I might be expecting pigs to fly outside next.”

Too much felt surreal enough as it was, that they didn’t have the fear of constantly battling the elements to stay alive but could go to a coffee shop or a bar if they needed a drink at the end of long day. She still haven’t explored much, choosing to keep to herself for fears that were going to always be there as she gazed back at Javier. Was she still so afraid to be near him? That the pain would flare up again by being close to him, that there was a division within her between the part that still loved him and the rest that struggled to forgive what happened between them. And the loss that she felt at all times.

She wanted to know so much about him, as much as she wanted to forget even feeling that way, leaving her conflicted at her core as she hesitated before speaking again. “Are you— ” The words stuck there for a moment, long enough that someone bumped into her as her eyes flashed towards them and she had to move forward once more towards the front of the line. “What did you order?” She asked instead, reverting back to distancing herself as best she could even though it felt next to impossible with him right there.

— 🔧 —

Javier could only give a noncommittal sort of nod to her words, a hand passing over his face as he considered whether or not what she said was meant to be aimed at him. Things certainly changed; that was obvious to anyone still standing who could remember the world from only a year or so ago. But people? Javier wasn’t sure whether or not it were true. They adapted, sure. If black coffee was all there was on the menu and they had an itch to scratch...sure. But was she trying to say that he had changed? 

Maybe it was true. He never would’ve thought he’d do what he did to her. Maybe she was better off without him, as much as it hurt to think. But it still hadn’t changed anything - he still loved her, he still wanted a life with her, a family. He’d give her the whole world if he possibly could. He adored her.

Yet all she was giving him was a handful of words that held no weight. Had she even asked how he was? Did she care? Could she have changed so much to not hold any interest in his well being anymore? But maybe he just didn’t deserve it.

He had to resist the urge to reach for her, to pull her close in a protective sort of manner as someone bumped into her and she stumbled towards him a little further. His eyes shifted up towards the offender, the sudden urge to sock him right in the face for even stepping in too close to Ali. But instead he did none of what he wanted to do, the curling of his fist instead folding in his arms across his chest.

Are you ---

The question that was about to be asked hung in the air a moment too long, something that may have actually be worth while until it was switched to another, weightless set of words. What was it that she was going to ask? The start to that question could’ve gone numerous ways...

Maybe it had been a mistake, only heaven knew how many of them that she’d actually made over the years, to walk in there and seek out something that felt too good to be true. Every action that she took that was a step closer to normal felt as if it was wrong, that it would come back to slap her in the face and remind her that the world was a dark and dangerous place. There was no room in it for coffee or happiness, even as she felt her entire body shift to the side to let someone else pass by her because her feet weren’t ready to decide whether they wanted to go further in or out. 

Javier always had that effect on her for as long as she could remember, turning her thoughts inside out and leaving her wanting more but everything was different now. Or at least it had been where they left things off until the virus broke out and took even that from her. Her anger, her hate — all of it was muddled together with the numb indifference that she sought out on the road, because it was the only thing that was going to keep her alive. She had to stop caring about anything and anyone. Even if her heart betrayed her constantly along with the thoughts that reminded her how unsuccessful she’s been so far. 

Her lips parted to speak, as if small talk was something that they could do now that death wasn’t the answer to all her questions about where he was or how he was doing — but it didn’t completely help either. As much relief that she could take from knowing that he was safe and alive, didn’t erase everything that still hurt underneath the surface as she gave single nod. “I guess so,” she replied, almost dumbfounded by the way that she struggled to even speak at this point. It had never been hard, when he could read everything from her thoughts to her heart until she pushed him out as far as she could. Not that it helped anything.

           “Black coffee is more than fine at this point.” Her nose slightly scrunched up at the idea of there not being any sugar to go along with it but beggars couldn’t be choosers by this point. If coffee was something that they could offer, Ali knew that she’d have to take what they gave even as Javi hinted at her taste in the sweeter side of things. Normally it would have made her smile or laugh, call him out for teasing her inability to help her sweet tooth, but all that it did was make her chest ache in missing it all over again. “Maybe a sugar packet can be spared for the sake of my tastebuds.”

— 🔧 —

Something felt so wrong about the fact that Ali was here, standing before him, and yet so obviously not. At least, not the woman he’d fallen in love with. The very same one he’d betrayed - even if it felt as if it were ages ago at this point. He knew the distance she put between them was deserved, that she was protecting herself from the hurt he’d already inflicted on her. But with everything that had happened since, the separation, the end of the fucking world as they knew it, the death and suffering...

All he wanted was to hold her. 

But she was still pushing, still hurting, and he was trying to stand his ground so as not to make it any more difficult for her. Maybe the fact that she was still pushing was a good thing, in the end. It meant she still cared, right? It must. Else she’d have nothing to do with him at all. 

It didn’t stop that ache in his chest growing with each passing moment that she could hardly stand to look at him, let alone seemed to struggle to speak. It was a physical ache, one that brought a hand to his chest in an attempt to quell it - which he covered with a tug of the front of his shirt from his skin, glancing away. 

When she spoke about black coffee being more than fine, he snorted, eyes turning back in her direction once more. There it was, that adorable telltale scrunch of her nose. How much he missed those little things... 

“You hate black coffee.” Maybe without it for...however long it had been at this point was enough to make it sound attractive, though he wondered if she’d regret the choice once she got a taste of it. Did this place even make good black coffee, or was it just a sad imitation of what they’d once known? “Or two,” he hummed thoughtfully.

**~**

“Yes,” she laughed genuinely, a sound that didn’t come easy anymore, “That is exactly what I am saying. I am not intimidating in any sense of the word. Only had to learn that lesson once,” a darkness crossed her face but she fought to keep the smile in place. She was sure that Javi knew what had happened, it wasn’t a secret. The hospital was where they had met after all and she had annoyed him into submission. Really it was therapy for her more than anything. She had stayed there for weeks alone with no one but other patients and medical staff and it hurt her heart to see someone new to the town laying there alone. So even after she was released she had taken to visiting him. There was no way she could immediately go back to work so she’d spend days sitting by his bed. It started with telling him about the town and it’s history, then she’d read aloud from books to pass the time and entertain him, then she’d started telling him very personal things while he was asleep. 

“I don’t,” she answered him without thinking. “I mean,” she crossed her arms in front of her trying to find the right words. Lots of people had tips on how to recruit people to the town but all of it sounded so hollow coming from her. “It’s not like going to a car lot and picking out the best model from the specs on the window sticker. There’s not a lot of options. You just…find who’s alive, tell them there’s somewhere safe where people are willing to help, and…hope they hear you. Some do. Some…don’t.”

— 🔧 —

The history of Fairvale had never been all that much of interest to Javier, but it also hadn’t been kept that much of a secret, either. What had happened to Willow - that too hadn’t been all that quiet. Particularly with how she’d flitted in and out of the clinic when he’d first arrived, as if it were familiar territory. Of course, there were plenty of reasons that could be the case, but Javier was able to put two and two together quickly enough. 

But then again, if she wasn’t intimidating, what was it for? Just...for fun? Yeah, it all sounded strangely familiar in this fucked up world they were living in. 

Her response to the question wasn’t exactly surprising, but it didn’t bring him comfort, either. Just picking anyone up off the streets that was living, giving them the opportunity to settle into Fairvale with just a handful of questions. Questions that could be answered with a sly tongue just as easily as a truthful one.

Fairvale may have a council and may have taken a stand in the past, but that doesn’t mean it’s truly safe. 

He wasn’t worried about the people who chose not to come to Fairvale. No, he was worried about those who might lie and cheat and sneak their way in and destroy what little good there still was. 

Granted...he wasn’t sure what else they could operate on but blind faith.

Ali never expected to find anything remotely close to normal anymore ( if she could even recognize what that looked like anymore ) until she found Fairvale, which left her constantly wondering when it would stop pretending. Or maybe she was waiting for herself to stop looking over her shoulder as if she were expecting the worst to constantly turn up. All that she’d ever managed to find was her past looking at her in the present, bringing everything to the surface as her heart managed to find it’s way into the base of her throat when she saw him in the coffee shop.

She paused, enough so that she knew that he’d seen her and she couldn’t very well turn around and run in the opposite direction even as her entire body considered fleeing. Another body came in through the door behind her, keeping her trapped for a moment longer to the point where Javier was the first one to speak. What she would have said if he hadn’t? Ali still didn’t know. Would she have run away again? Maybe. But she couldn’t keep living in the same town as him and not expect to see his face, or not feel the inclination to want to see him. 

          “There’s a lot that I never would have thought that I’d miss,” she replied with a nod that felt dismissive, but it was directed more at herself and the line of thought that could easily get out of control. Ali knew what she meant, but wanted it to steer clear of that area because she was far from ready to talk about it as she cleared her throat and glanced at the menu. “Doesn’t it feel— I don’t know…” Wrong? Selfish? Needed?

— 🔧 —

There is a weight behind those words, a meaning that Javier can’t quite put his finger on - or maybe he simply doesn’t want to. It’s like some intricate field of minds that he’s attempting to navigate across, one wrong move and it might all blow back up in his face. Again. 

He doesn’t know if he can carry that right now. As if he wasn’t already. As if he needed her to remind him that he’d been the one to create the rift between them.

It hurts enough to know that he can’t fully read her expression anymore, the way she’s guarded it so closely. But she’d been doing that even before he’d broken things between them, hadn’t she? 

“Yeah,” he agrees to her statement even though she doesn’t finish it. There is something...strange to the idea that there was a coffee shop in the middle of all this - and a bar, a restaurant, places that would normally have been taken for granted and common place. Now it just felt anything but ordinary. 

Was there someone in that cell he’d left behind, needing help, while he was standing here somehow smelling a fresh cup of coffee bring brewed? Was it even on his shoulders to care? Maybe it shouldn’t be, but there was still a guilt there, hidden beneath it all. For a number of things. 

🚑  

“I wouldn’t say that. Nor would I imply it.” Did he? Oops.

With arms folding loosely, Fletcher takes only one more moment to admire his work. “Everyone’s job is valuable. In a community like this everything matters. How else would we have the means to travel out further than we can on foot if all of our vehicles didn’t work?” Considering all the nearest places are picked pretty clean how else can they scout out further in a safe way? They can only grow and produce so much within the community, the rest is scoured from abandoned businesses and the like.

He bites on his tongue to hold back a giggle, but his amused look gives it all away. “Hah, maybe. If you want to be a source of entertainment - people do find silly injuries funny sometimes. I was mostly suggesting you come up with something cool, you know. Still entertains others, you’re just no longer the butt of the joke.” Might even become the talk of the town, which… yeah, that’s a for sure exaggeration in his own thought process. 

“But anyway, to take a break from poking fun at you - keep it clean, don’t go back to tinkering in the garage…” his palms are pressed together in a ‘prayer’ gesture and pointed to Javi with a touch of desperation. “A lot of us ignore that, want to keep working, but nothing that’ll dirty that bandage up unless you have a good pair of work gloves. I don’t want to be seeing you back in a week with a nasty infection. I’ll be grumpy… and nobody likes a grumpy Fletcher.”

“Not to say anyone is town has dealt with that yet, but that’s not a challenge, good sir.”

— 🔧 —

“You didn’t,” Javier’s shoulders lift in a shrug, “I suppose there have always been levels of business.” Yeah, people always needed mechanics back before the world went to shit, but that need was a very different one compared to a person needing wounds tended to and lives saved. You needed your vehicle to get around and get things done, sure, but not in the same way someone needed EMTs and hospitals in a moment of crisis. Everyone played a part and made a difference in the grand scheme of things, but he still doubted getting an engine up and running was as critically important to their lives - particularly now - than keeping blood pumping and people breathing. 

But Fletcher did make a valid point that maybe the boy hadn’t even fully considered as of yet; the more they relied on vehicles to get them further and further out of town seeking supplies...at some point the radius of venturing had to get unsustainable, right? And if they couldn’t get it all in Fairvale...what choice were they going to have?

Was there an expiration date on this safe haven?

He can’t help the snort of a laugh that escapes him at the mention of not returning to work, as if that were a viable choice in this world of theirs. Ironic, because so many people would’ve jumped on the opportunity to take a couple days off before, even if it were for something as trivial as a healing cut.

Javier had never been that obsessed with coffee in the past. He appreciated a cup in the morning to help wake him up, he’d stop by a café now and again for a pick me up if the opportunity arose. But after the outbreak...he admittedly hadn’t expected to see a cup of it again. Without access to electricity or the proper means to brew a cup - let alone the grounds to do so - it had simply seemed like it would fall among the many things of the past they’d all once taken for granted. 

But in Fairvale, so much of that was within reach again. 

It seemed almost silly as he stood at the counter, looking at the menu with a skeptical expression on his face. It was hard to think about the fact that there were people out beyond the walls fighting for their lives and yet here he was in some sort of alternate reality considering buying a cup of coffee. The memories that plagued him of that world outside seemed so disconnected from this place - and what had once been before it. 

Maybe this was all some fever dream and he’d wake up back in that hellhole once more, kicking himself for ever letting him believe this could be reality.

Then again, Fairvale wasn’t perfect by any means, either - and proof of that stepped through the doors just as he was about to leave. Of course he was happy to see her, to know that she was alive, but...this Ali wasn’t his - he’d lost that honor too long ago. And the way she was looking at him...?

The ringing in his ears tried to drown out his brother’s words. Righteous anger, hurt, set his jaw and squared his shoulders. They? Did Javier mean the people here? Why would they tell him his family was dead - is that why they asked Gabriel if he was looking for anyone? Was the damn place gathering information to manipulate people with? The promise of safety, at a price.

He tensed but stopped when Javi grabbed him. Hands flexing around the bike’s grip and staring anywhere but at his brother’s seeking eyes. “Well. They lied.” The words were bitten out, but quieter.

Then the they made sense. Not this place - the fuckers who’d split the family up. That got him to look Javi in the eyes at last. “They.. talked to you?” He could feel the anger shifting, redirecting.

— 🔧 —

Javier hadn’t thought that it was possible, the fact that his siblings could still be out there somewhere. If he’d known, if he’d even thought for a moment...

But how had they gotten away? How was it that Gabe could be standing here? He still couldn’t fit the pieces together, but that could very well have been the point. Well. They lied. They lied - of course they lied. Everything they ever said to him could’ve been a lie. But where did it begin and end? What was he supposed to believe? 

Javi’s hands dropped slowly from Gabe’s face when it seemed he’d finally gotten the other man’s attention, at least enough. The question that followed had Javi’s eyes shying away from Gabe’s now, teeth biting firmly into his cheek. “Yeah - they uh, they told me a lot of things.” 

It would help his case, probably, to talk about where he’d been all this time, what he’d endured - but his eyes strayed to the motorcycle Gabe’s hands were still clutching around the handles of and that seemed far easier of a conversation than the other. 

Ali blinked once, then twice— not sure if she was holding back the tears or needing a slight break from seeing the look on his face that shifted once more, leaving her on the other side without any clue what was going on in his head. As much as she thought that she could read him like book, that there were no secrets between them, and that he would always be her person — that wasn’t the case anymore. But it didn’t stop the way that her heart broke some more, leaving pieces behind for him as if she were leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for him to follow and eventually catch up to where she was. That hadn’t been the case, not when she was the one that had found this place on her own and he was already here.

If he had been there, Ali wasn’t sure what would have happened or if anything would have changed as she fought to get to safety with her parents in tow. He could have died like them, like so many others around her as she still had clothes that was stained with blood tucked away in the bottom of her bag when she walked through the walls to this place. He could have been lost forever. At least with him elsewhere when she ran, then there was always going to be a piece of her that believed that he was fine and that had to be enough. It had to be more than enough.

She did well enough on her own, though her lips were silent when it came to the details but she could see it in the eyes of so many that had been recruited like her. They had been through it too and somehow came out the other side, but it left her feeling less and less like herself. Her hands hadn’t healed in months, but rather fought to survive for some reason that she struggled to remember why she fought anyways. Her family was gone. Her life was over. But Javi — he was right there in front of her, moving away once more and she couldn’t so much as he lift a finger to stop it. Neither did all of her want to keep him there with her. It was frustrating and unsettling, unable to find a single path through what she felt as the emotions would have flashed across her features if she hadn’t shut down already.

Or tried to as she had to look away, unable to accept another apology that sounded so much like the ones that came months ago and left her broken hearted and alone. So very alone. Another tremor of sadness coursed through her then, reminding her that she had chosen this as much as she didn’t want any of it. “You might have died too if you were there,” she spoke eventually, unable to keep the shake out of her voice even as she frowned at herself because of it. This wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that she had to find herself back there once again, the same pathetic person that she’d been when she learned about the lie that he kept from her. How stupid she’d been then, and how much she wished that they could go back to before any of it happened — to where they’d been happy once, even if she couldn’t remember how to get back there anymore.

Her gaze flickered back towards him, sadness etched in her eyes that gave way to the exhaustion of the past few months as she took in all that she had tried so hard to forget in the daylight but clung to at night. It wasn’t fair. Not fair. “I know…” Her voice was painfully soft, sorrow laced in the way that she spoke to him like she wanted to believe him, but it was difficult. Anger had been the fuel to push him away, and disappear behind her walls but she was too tired to find it again when it shifted to miserable sadness that hung heavy on her. “You should probably go… I have a lot of work ahead of me.” A lie, but he must have been used to them by now as Ali had to pull herself back together, even if it was only to last long enough for him not to see her cry.

And that was exactly what she was going to do the moment he left.

— 🔧 —

You might’ve died too...

The words confirmed his suspicions of what it meant that Ali was here on her own, that her parents weren’t by her side. He had hoped that they were simply settling into a home here in Fairvale, that they’d all made it safe. But it was easier now to assume the worst because more often than not that was the truth. 

Had he been there, would they still be alive? Was there something he could’ve done to change the course of time? There it was again, the ‘what ifs’ that served no viable purpose but to continue driving himself to the brink of insanity. What if he’d been there with Ali and her family? What if he hadn’t put his foot down with those scavengers? What if...

He bit his tongue when another apology came to his lips, one now to sympathize over the loss of her parents. It wasn’t as if his continued apologizing would bring her parents back or erase everything they’d lost. It wouldn’t slot the pieces back into place. None of it was that simple. Even as much as he wanted to close the distance between them, to wrap his arms around her and never let her go again - she’d stopped him, she’d constructed the invisible wall between them he couldn’t quite get himself to fight through just yet. No matter how much he wanted to say fuck it and force his way through that wall of hers...now probably wasn’t the time. Not when she was pushing him away again, telling him to go because she had a lot of work ahead of her. 

The words meant very little, even as Javier’s eyes flicked about the farm. Presumably the work she was referencing. There wasn’t anything on the maintenance side of things that would keep him from Ali, but...but she wanted to use the work that needed to be done here as an excuse...an excuse to send him away?

He tried not to let the lance of pain in his chest at that cut across his expression, instead letting his head simply bob in the slightest of nods. She hadn’t said anything back, either - that she was happy to see him here, to check in with him, to be sure that he was okay. He wasn’t. Not at all.

“Right,” he finally spoke up, clearing his throat. Was she happy to see him? Or did she want nothing to do with him at all? Had she crossed him off her list already, cut him out of her life, had been glad when she thought she’d never see him again?