*crying & throwing up*

Mushrooms are objectively the funniest thing on gods green earth like this one destroys your liver and kidneys and kills you this one makes a fine cooking oil this one introduces you to the machine elves this one grows in your shower and slowly destroys your lungs this one is delicious in a stir fry. Who else has the range

your honor you know how my client gets on sasuke saturdays

i get a strike at the bowling alley and the screen shows the exact time and place that i die

“tumblr is free btw” maybe for you. this app has cost me everything

"i could fix him" yeah? well i could accept him as he is. you don't like the murder? grow up. the atrocities are part of him and ive decided they're funny

Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel and being a cunt. Eating a bagel

yarr welcome to pirate mcdonalds

i dont have anywhere to take this post so im opening it to the public

i feel like a parent who just dropped their kid off for their first day at school but five minutes after i left i got a call from the teacher saying my six year old violated the geneva convention

very depressing that you just aren't allowed to own a racecar bed once you're an adult

Pitch: a muppet movie where the muppets play D&D, and it cuts between the muppets around the table and the fantasy being acted out, but instead of it just being the muppets dressed up in D&D fantasy costume, it's celebrity actors but the muppets do the voices, and the actors have to act how those muppets would. Imagine a barbarian played by Jason Momoa voiced by Miss Piggy.