JLAI.

When life throws you a fast one you try and slow it down. It's seems like the world has come to a halt at my feet and I can see the world unravelling, thread by thread.

I'm unhappy but no one knows it. I put on a brave face everyday but there are days that I can't brave it anymore. Time is precious and it seems like it is working against me. 

The struggle of balancing working and relationships are starting to outweigh themselves. There is no longer pleasure. There is longer moments of pure bliss where you just want to embrace the moment and freeze time just to enjoy it a while longer. What makes it worse is the fact that I enjoy being alone, I miss being myself. I think I have lost a large chunk of who I really am, trying to be who I am not. If you can't be yourself and be happy, why bother ?

Maybe I'm trying too hard to be someone that I am not.  Who knows.

It's been yonks since I've update this.

6months in and still no luck at beating unemployment. The words no-experience are the worst two words ever said to me. I'd rather be called pathetic, lacking self confidence or my aptitude for writing a cover letter and resume was pathetic. But no, when I ask them what can I do so I can further my future chances for jobs, they reply, "nothing, you are perfect, it's just that you lack experience so we decided to hire someone with experience over you." Well fuck you.