Jar of Flies

Please take a seat Mr [redacted]

Please tell me how you’ve been feeling lately. How long has this been going on?

It’s day in and day out,

This suffering’s lasted for too long

Yes, yes…well on my notes I see here…mhm

Those symptoms seem a little extreme

And you’re sure you’ve tried most anything?

This all seems a little obscene

I really have tried every-

Have you been drinking plenty? Eating well? Do you go outside, move and resist the “hell”?

Y-

You’re young, free, far too nimble for these problems

Maybe you should try harder

Think more positive and enjoy your lucky life

Live a little more with laughter.

Doc, I don’t think you understand-

Well your bloods are normal and the rest is vague

It’s probably best you take your leave

There’s no need for another set of tests

I’m sure it’s all just your anxiety.

Don’t even bother denying or advocating

There’s no medication, no diagnoses

Sure you could reach out, take a plunge

The system will only make you wait centuries.

Go home son

Fake it till you make it

…

Atop of my bed I quietly lie

Almost paralysed, drowning in my own thoughts

It’s an endless downward spiral

But my eyes won’t well, I cannot cry

Lately been considering suicide

But I revel in my living destruction

Hollow like my childhood dreams

Or the bloody tissues I’ve tossed aside

I could scream until my lungs collapse

And sing until my throat bleeds

Frantically flicking the strings of my bass

Writing songs about shitty scumbags

The way you strum your guitar

That confidence makes me feel so alive

I’m always in awe of your presence

It’s weird, it’s strange- bizarre

Your knowing blue eyes and soft touch

Please just hold me in your arms forever

I cannot bear to be alone

I love you so fucking much

I’ll scream and beg, sobbing for you to not go

Pleading and clinging on for dear life

Fearing abandonment, filled deep with inner turmoil

If I ask you not to leave, promise you’ll say ‘no’

I’ve never felt such exhaustion and pain

I’ve barely even eaten lately

Panic is all that fills my brain

The taller one cups the others face

Gently kissing his scarred wrist

With a gaze that says says ‘I’ll love you now and forever’

No judgment, no disgust, and certainly no shame

Making even the basket-case feel wanted

Such delicate touch and oh such warmth

Him just being there could take away the boys pain

So many years of him being starved of touch

Of turmoil, emptiness and despair

Safe now, with the boy that’ll hold him in his arms

Making sure it gets through to him that he’s loved so goddamn fucking much

Being around him could make it all okay

And the other desperately needs him to know that

Wrapping his arms around his tiny body