a i m e e

“You should go home, Doctor Isles,” Susie said, looking concerned. She knew how observant Susie was, knew Susie had to know what had brought on this sudden and unfortunate nausea. Between Jane and Frost, it had been an awful, awful day. Maura nodded and made a call, to have someone come in to HQ to take over from her. She stayed until she could do an adequate handover. She pulled over twice on the way home, heaving and sweating. Maybe she was coming down with something? There had to be a physical reason for this response.

But her temperature was normal, so she took a nice, warm shower, took some medication and took herself to bed.

—

When she woke up, Jane was sitting on the edge of the bed, her hand on Maura’s forehead. It was still light outside, and Maura was disoriented.

“You don’t have a fever, but Chang said you were throwing up. I got you this.” Jane helped Maura to sit up, handed her some kind of green concoction in a takeaway cup. Maura sipped it. It was juice, heavy on the vegetables and would help her regain some of the nutrients she’d lost earlier, as well as hydrate her. She sipped again and looked around. It was only past lunchtime, yet Jane was here. “You need me to stay?” Jane asked, one of her hands rubbing absently over Maura’s back. Maura could feel the metal of the ring touching her, and she retched again. Jane grabbed a wastepaper basket and held it as Maura threw up green into it, holding Maura’s hair out of the way.

“I’m calling out,” Jane said, once Maura had finished, pulling out her phone. Maura nodded weakly, lying back down, too worn out to go and brush her teeth again even though she knew she should - the enamel - but she was asleep in moments.

She woke briefly a few times, each time feeling the hand with the ring rubbing her back. Each time retching with nothing left to discard. Each time hearing Jane’s voice say sweet nothings to her.

She woke properly in the evening. Her mouth felt like someone else had thrown up in it, and she tried to get to her shaky feet to go brush her teeth. Jane appeared from somewhere and helped her to the bathroom, loading the toothbrush for her, watching anxiously as Maura gagged again.

“I made you some soup,” Jane said, when Maura was done, and she could smell it, even from here. It made her stomach turn again, and Jane looked disappointed. “You’re dehydrated,” Jane noted, looking at Maura’s dry lips. “You have to have something.” Maura shook her head and pushed Jane out of the room so she could use it in privacy. When she came out, Jane was holding Tylenol and a glass of water, and Maura took both thankfully, grateful also for Jane’s arm slipping around her waist to help her back to the bed.

“Frost feels bad for yelling at you,” Jane said. “He’s been checking in every hour. Korsak too, and Chang.” Maura settled under the sheets, and this time there was no ring on Jane’s hand when it rubbed her back.

“Maybe I could… try the soup?” Maura suggested, and Jane jumped to her feet and scurried away. Maura checked her phone and sat up, feeling her stomach complain, tense and empty. She messaged Susie back, and Frost and Korsak. The same message for all three.

There were seventeen missed calls from Jane, and a number of increasingly distressed messages. Her absence had been noted - but then, she’d never walked away from an open case before, one that didn’t involve the Doyle’s at least.

Jane came bustling in with a tray, soup and toast carefully balanced, placing it over Maura’s lap. She felt Maura’s forehead again, sitting next to her.

“I watered it down and blended it up, so it shouldn’t hurt if you can’t keep it down.” Jane looked worried still, her deep brown eyes creased at the edges, her smile a little too tight. Maura sipped at it; really, soup in bed was an unbelievably bad idea, but she managed to keep it down.

“Stomach bug?” Jane asked when she took the tray. Maura shrugged and lay down again, exhausted. She felt the bed shift, felt Jane nervously join her a few minutes later.

“I’m right here if you need anything,” Jane said. “Stay on your side, in case you vomit again.”

“You’re not worried about me throwing up on you?” Maura asked, rolling over to face Jane, catching her face for an instant before she snapped the bedside lamp off. Jane’s face was stricken and tender, and Maura didn’t know what to do with that.

“I’ve had worse,” Jane said, and rolled to face Maura, letting her hand stroke Maura’s back again. “I can’t marry him, can I?” Jane asked, and she couldn’t be oblivious to the way Maura tensed at the question but her hand didn’t pause at all. “He just likes the idea of me. He doesn’t see the long hours, the long nights. And if I married him, I wouldn’t have…” Jane trailed off, and the stroking of Maura’s back became even softer, even gentler, more of a caress. “I wouldn’t have this,” Jane said quietly.

“You could go with him. You could have children,” Maura whispered, feeling the bile rise in her again. Why couldn’t she just be happy for her best friend?

“I can’t leave Boston. Everyone I love is here.”

“Except Casey.”

“He’s not…” Jane sighed. “When you said what you said earlier, about surviving without me, you absolutely would. You’re not the same person I met. You have Ma, and my brothers, and my team, and Susie. You have Hope and Cailin and Constance. I’m just one person.”

“You’re more,” Maura insisted.