Rants by Jan

Fingers ringed with scars

from a mundane trip to you

You called my name and my eyes opened,

partially,

tinged with blues and blacks

Breath like needles as I gorge on drips;

Your face, the only thing that clicks

I called your name and my eyes closed,

Hi there! If you follow Ghanaian news at all, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about: Stonebwoy recently got married to Dr Louisa Ansong, a dentist who graduated with six out of the nine awards being given to her class. Great news for them. It seems like an unlikely couple because people can't seem to fathom the idea of creatives and academics/professionals functioning just fine together. They act like one person can't be both. *rolls eyes* 

The frenzy over how incredible the match was would have been annoying enough, but of course, Ghanaians love to take it up a notch. We're all for spreading agendas and, this time, it's that women should dress decently because men will go for the good girls. Like how did we get there??! There are so many things wrong with this reasoning and my rant here is to explain a few.

Image source: Joy Online

Before you break into a sweat, my hair is only pink in the metaphorical sense; I don’t literally have bright magenta on my head. (Although I considered dying my hair pink before, I gave up after many a wild goose chase –more like flamingo chase– in Madina Market. Turns out there isn’t a demand for pink hair dyes in Ghana and so there’s no supply either. Go figure.) Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s get excited for Pink October!

Pink October holds so much meaning to me. It’s a reminder of the need for breast cancer awareness. It is a cause my mother fought for when she was in remission, offering free screenings and writing a book to give hope to other survivors. Unfortunately, she did not recover from cancer on this side of heaven. She was buried on October 25, 2014, near the end of breast cancer awareness month. Yes, that’s three years ago plus a couple of days. (I was supposed to post this on the 25th but went for a birthday celebration, leaving me little time to wrap up. Although I was bummed about missing my deadline, I think God set it that way as a friendly reminder to celebrate life more than death. It’s so easy to focus on what we’ve lost at the expense of valuing what we still have. I will dedicate a future post to this topic. Stay tuned!)

Shortly after my mother’s death, I decided to pay tribute to her with my hair. It was during her first bout with breast cancer in 2007 that I got to see her natural hair texture. I was in awe! Her natural curl pattern was beautiful, with big lush curls. I begged that she keep her hair natural but she gave me two options: either she grows her hair natural and short, or permed and long. Being curious to see how quickly she would regain her original length, I chose the latter. I low-key missed playing with her thick and long permed hair too. She grew it back to bra-length in less than three years.

When I found out that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer yet again in 2014, I saw it as a second chance for her to grow her natural hair. After my earnest plea, she promised not to perm her hair once its growth resumed. Unfortunately, that time never came. I felt taking on the natural hair challenge will be a great way to manage my grief, so I did.

My first tribute hairstyle was a "hair tattoo” in an undercut. The haircut only showed when I held a high ponytail, which meant I could wear my hair down when I wanted to look more professional. The design I had shaved into the short hair was inspired by an actual tattoo. Remember the flamingo chase? The pink dye was meant for a breast cancer ribbon in the cut. I added a heartbeat to the end of the heart, my way of reminding myself that my heart will beat on, in spite of the pain. Let's just say that by the time the barber was through, I needed to console myself with the fact that my hair will grow on too.

The next haircut was a big chop to commemorate a year after my mother's burial. A bald shave was a tempting choice but I went for a tapered haircut instead. I had no wigs so couldn’t afford to risk it all. Plus, winter was fast approaching; it’s not the best time to have no hair. As with my previous experience, the hairstylist wasn’t that great: she didn’t seem to have had much practice with black hair. I had to trim my hair a few weeks later to fix her error. Went to a black barbering shop this time but the guy ended up being only marginally better than the previous stylist. Tough luck.

With the big chop, I had opened a new chapter of my journey not just of griefing, but also of self-discovery. Got to know what products worked for my hair, how to do twist-outs and why I needed a personal stylist. I was too busy, lazy and poorly skilled to style my own hair. Shoutout to those friends who helped me tame my ‘fro in school: Ida, Oyindamola, Maame and Mariam.

I wore my natural hair in afros, puffs and occasional twist-outs until August 22nd of this year. I decided to install sisterlocks to rid myself of the demands that come with styling natural hair. This was one of the toughest hair decisions I have made because my mother wasn’t the biggest fan of locks. She was very clear about her disapproval when I first brought up the idea sometime in 2011. I chose to anyway for two reasons: one, she wouldn’t have stopped me and two, I owe it to myself to make some of these calls without parental guidance. Yup, I’m working on the whole adulting thing.

Since I installed the locks, I have had them interlocked twice. The process was rather painful the last time I went (i.e. yesterday) but I don’t regret the decision. I’m looking forward to my locks growing down my back. Who knows? I might be able to donate it to a breast cancer patient someday.

Caged flowers

Caged tenderness , silly expressiveness Caged smiles and warm embraces Strength bottled in strong bonds of restriction, Resilience and persistence reduced to being an effigy and object of mindless worship and adoration. I want to be, feeling the breeze uncaged I want to be, free as the wind blossoming!