sometimes lately I worry if my grieving process is being dissected or judged. I worry that people think that I am being lazy or just not wanting to work. I worry that co-workers believe I am taking advantage of my loss.
then I remind myself that if that is the case, anyone who holds that thought or opinion can go fuck themselves. I hope they never experience the deep pain that I am currently facing every day.
my father unexpectedly had a heart attack and died a little over a month ago. I have been averaging 2-3 hours of sleep a night since that happened. I am rapid cycling, swinging between extreme depression to hypomania. I am in no state to perform my job duties, which according to policies/procedures require 75% mental and 15% physical abilities. that large majority is something I do not have to offer currently. I have been advised that I should not even be driving, as I have been in a state of delirium since it happened.Β
so yeah, if you have thought or said anything that even slightly resembles judgment on my grieving process I have this for youΒ π