thinned down to the core

I was desperate to leave and hopeful that I could easily land on another company. Yet it's July now, and everyday I try to overcome the panic and fear of not doing anything for a living.

It's honestly mixed feelings. Come to think of it, I'm somehow just enjoying this time or season of rest. Until certain situations, or even the people around me - start to treat me differently. That's when pressure starts to boil. In an average, I search and apply for a minimum of 15 and a maximum of 30 jobs on the daily.

The constant check on my emails for a possible reply, status update, follow-up, and more heavily - the rejections; are the things that humble me right now. I think I've gotten so used to it, that I no longer have big expectations for something favorable to happen.

But I will continue to persevere, and wait. This will change. I'm holding on.