Decent Dudes

My dreams of you are becoming less detailed. You're becoming an enigma to me. This faint being from the past that endows me with love for as long I remember them. Like a goddess almost. I don't know how well I'd be being rejected again.

That's how it is for me now. I'm really finding my vibe along they're clips, sometimes their streams but with more shitpost status and ironic vtubers like woohoolad.

Who can say what's good and bad anymore. Life just goes on and arranges itself into situations of every color. Wanting to live through life despite its pain is what the majority wants. The minority seems to want to be free from these bittersweet emotions so they'll stagnate into a lifeless robot and maybe perish. It's neither good nor bad it just is. I am being willed along by my family, coworkers and old friends and maybe just the random people I see or the art that people leave behind to comfort me. I might not be the most energetic about it but I'll say that I want to live.

I'm sorry for putting you through years of pain. I was so selfish in wanting to be like my dad and I didn't even know what I was doing. I feel like I've got you tangled up in a loop with both of our pasts. The real me that I'm trying to discover might let you go. I'll atleast respect you as an old friend. I hope that will be enough

I've smacked master quest. I feel like a beast but not a god. I did not collect all of the gold skullatas. I didn't even have the brains or the energy to collect all the heart pieces without supplemental research online. I'd end up looking like a haggard slave to his lil cute game system. I didn't want to worry my roommates I guess hah. I feel worn out. I feel like me missing that digital world is from me being so successful in it. It's as if my real life world lacks the result of all the time and energy in being a badass in another world. ofcourse I might take away technical skills, and a type of artistic culture absorption. It was a good game. I'd describe it as an open world puzzle game more than anything now. I'd emphasize the puzzle part less if it was the standard version of the game. Fuck whatever ura zelda can be. I suppose I was having a lot of fun since time passed quickly and I got sad at completing it.

I always thought Zelda would be an easier game with "easy" secrets but boy was I wrong. I've spent too much time trying to beat that bunny ear guy in a foot race. you've got to play some ocarina Songs without any direction as to which one or if you should Play any. It took hours figuring out that a design prop was actually the key to a puzzle. I might just be new to the whole 100 percent completion of games thing. Maybe I'm a tad bit dense in the hyrule world. Idk. It's a great game

I hate having roommates right now. I’d love some privacy. I can be into some weird stuff. I also am tired of being the one that’s awake and active most of the time while everyone else sleeps. I just don’t want to conform. I’ve been trying to get away from my lazy past. It bothers me when I make any type of movement that could make a slight noise. I wish common courtesy could help me in my defense but this isn’t even all that common. It’s a terribly small living space.

I like to sit in the day room since it’s the best place for working on a couch. The type of people to hang out here though can be pretty loud and obnoxious at times. Corona is limiting my options but I guess not a lot of people can be comfortable right now. 

I feel like I had focused so much on not being lonely years go. Growing up being lonely was a big thing for me as a kid. I couldn’t understand people and didn’t want to risk getting my feelings hurt because of it. I must have thought that I was tired of being pitied. I found a person who I thought was just like me and made romance our big binding substance. Eventually it seemed to have lost it’s spark. I still believe that person is special to me so maybe this was one of possible the few people who could really bring out the climax of happiness within me. Now I’m an older version of the kid who intends to sit and eat alone but I’m not ashamed as much anymore. As a kid I had my family and the few others who would give me attention every now and then. Today I have that patient soul who had stuck with me to add to that. A person that’s too important to be trivial. Besides my family they are what I consider the best friend I could ever have. I aim to have their back since they had helped pull me out of this episode of depression. Let me help however I can and I promise I won’t be as overbearing. Thank you

I don’t know it well enough. I’m just not satisfied with how I do things. Yeah, It gets better with experience. Maybe I just didn’t have the opportunity to start the whole experience thing as a kid since I had been cooped up at home all day. That kinda shows how I now want to be an outdoorsy active person who socializes a bunch.

before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and before showering for bed I’m doing the basic body weight stuff with stretching for at least 15 minutes. The big motivator is the 1 hour of activity a day quota.