-Jalanpagi

Expectations are.

The image of your eyes stays in my mind for so long, reminds me of the breeze in the balmy afternoon whenever I look into them.

Your gaze offers me a cozy home, the space I have been longing for too long; safe enough to show you my agony, comfy enough to tell you my life story.

Your eyes whispered that on your side is the only place I should ever be.

Boredom,

Or loneliness?

It has no label.

It's all about your state of mind.

You decide.

Barely noticed, never really being stuffed with anything.

But I bring you along, everywhere with me.

From my casual city strolling on Saturday morning,

To my latest adventure across the continent.

I let you there, untouched, almost unrecognizable,

a tiny part that makes my jeans a whole.

To be sure,

To know the answers,

Without drifting away in the ocean of uncertainty, constantly tossed by the wind of infirmity.

It whispers;

"I love you that deep, I would never want you to sacrifice anything"

"I love me that much, I won't turn myself into someone that I am not"

So, maybe there's a life somewhere, my love

Where we finally find each other

And this time, we stay.

It won't.

I won't let it.

You're a fragment of my life. You are a part of me.

Always, and forever will be.

It's more because the chaos was so familiar, I will never let it find me again.

We change, quietly, relentlessly, into strangers of our own past.

Maybe that is why, you miss the old you,

And I long for someone who's no longer within you.

I don't want to live the safe choices.

I am going to live the life that is meant for my soul.

In the cold thin air when I went to work this morning,

In the heavy clouds, in the wild flowers along the pathway.

I couldn't help but keep finding your beautiful soul everywhere I go,

In a baby's unguarded smile, in a strangers kind words towards me when I was about to give up.

I couldn't help but keep loving you, the you beyond the mortal flesh.

It was a pleasure to encounter your beautiful soul, my love

Have a nice and beautiful journey ahead

Remember me once in a while, will you?

But could I have a word with her? I really want to look the little me in the eyes, and asking her a permission:

"We've done great, we were doing our best. And after all this, could we just go home and live our simple life? In the end of the day, it's the life we deserve; the life we always long for."

The beautiful souls scattered across the earth

Possessing various kinds of beings, every now and then

Shapeshifting as laughter and anger, they meant to be encountered

Not to be kept nor to be owned,

as the beauty of experiencing the very life is to love, let go, and live on.