Im Lost

and i’m seriously asking myself what’s even worse; killing someone, or truly wishing someone’s death and being happy over the fact, that a human being, a human being like you and me, regardless of what the fuck he has done in the past, died.

jahseh was 20, he was so fucking young, trying to find his place in this world, trying to find answers, trying to figure out who he really is. you know how much life you haven’t lived yet when dying that young? you know how much you haven’t experienced? 

x did some horrible, terrible things, i won’t deny that, but that doesn’t fucking justify his death. you are allowed to see only the bad parts in someone. you are allowed to look at all the horrible things someone has done and base your opinions of that person on these things. but mocking over someone’s death is just…i can’t even find words.

especially those narrow-minded people who’ll only look for the ‘bad’ in one. it’s not like his life was about the shit he did. he helped, he fucking saved so many people. there is a reason why many people looked up to him. there is a reason why so many people loved and appreciated him and his work. 

he was aware of the fact, that he did terrible things, infact he wanted to change and do better. he organized charity events, he raised money, people seem to completely ignore that. again, he did terrible things, and these good things he did won’t hush up the bad things he did, but at least he accepted his mistakes and fucking tried to do and be better than that.

humans are like sailors on boats, floating in this infinitely big sea. together we are a big fleet. if one boat sinks, some others will sink too. there will never be one single boat sinking on its own. we all have friends and family, people we love. and so did jahseh dwayne onfroy better known as xxxtentacion. his boat sank, and so did many others. regardless of his actions in the past, it’s about being there for each other now, especially when it comes to his friends and his  family. people who loved x. we don’t need more boats to sink.

being happy over this tragic death, is.. it’s just disgusting.

especially those people considering themselves as ‘good humans’ because they think such people deserve it, or consider this whole thing as an act of justice. that wasn’t justice. that was murder, and you really need to have an evil mind to say something like that. you are not better than someone like xxxtentacion and his past, if you really think like that. 

if someone would kill my best friend, ofcourse i’d fucking hate the killer, but i’d never wish him death or the same thing he did to my best friend. and if he’d get murdered i’d never consider it as an act of justice, i’d consider it simply as murder, and i’d feel sorry for his family and friends. that they lost someone they love, like i lost my best friend. i wouldn’t be fucking celebrating his death and share with everybody how happy i am that he died. even tho he destroyed my life through what he did. with such an disgusting mindset like some people have, there’d only be more and more dead bodies and broken hearts.

it wouldn’t bring my best friend back and it wouldn’t change anything.

i don’t celebrate what xxxtentacion did, but i also don’t celebrate his death.

i never looked up to or supported the bad things he did, but i always looked up to his work. his music. i separated these two things. the way he could express himself was so indescribably and his music helped me through really fucking harsh times, and i’m clearly not the only one who thinks like that. i don’t know where i’d be without his music, stories and words.  and like i said, he tried to change and be a better person and also organized charity events and raised money.

actually, it’s true what xxxtentacion said. nobody cares until you’re dead.

nobody cared about all this shit before they heard he was shot.

i read about these theories that he’s still alive and just plans something for a new album or whatever and seriously, i wouldn’t even be mad or something if all this was planned and just show. because it just shows that he’s right. it just substantiates his statement, and that’s fucking sad.

you don’t need to agree with what i’m thinking, but all of you who are seriously happy about his death and celebrating this murder, you’re all just disgusting to me.

thank you for your music x, thank you for your message.