Armie

Tell me, we will make it out okay. That together, anything is possible so that I may put my nerves to rest. Tell me you only spoke half truthes last night - that you will not kill the child inside you to satisfy the world as cold as it may be.

I know I could live in a world without love, but I can't live in a world without you. I know I have been nothing but a flurry of spoiled pain to you, and I am so deeply sorry for it.

Just tell me we will make it through this, and I will be pacified.

Smart enough to know better, just not enough to do better.

My envy slowly turned into shame. It is something I will have to carry with me everywhere. It will never leave me.

There is blood on my hands and a knife in your side - I didn't do it. I couldn't have. Over and over, I yell into the obsidian void. My wailing falls on deaf ears; they know who the real monster is. It stares them in the eyes, feigning meekness. I am a coward pretending to be your savior.

Your blood will pool around you until there is nothing more that gravity can take from you. I will gaze out at the sight in front of me, knowing my trembling hands will do nothing to aid you.

I am never getting out of this house,

and you have no savior.

That is a disastrous fate; you breathing, living as if I am not engulfed in ruins.

As if you are not who ruined me.

I have tried to run against the tidal waves of time, but I am nothing if not a terrible swimmer.

I am nothing.

Time won't save you.

All we have is time.

There is nothing without you.

I fail - it is in my nature to do so, but it doesn't kill the sting any less. Must the heavens burden me so. I am but a mere mortal on this plane of existence. Aching for you - praying you hear my sorrowful sobs and take pity on my soul.

That will never happens though. Yet, I still never make peace with it. My lungs fill with your scent only briefly.

- Make me your fool so I may relinquish all desires and aid you in mindless and trivial affairs.

I'm not sure what has gotten me so nostalgic for blogging again, but I hope at least this time it pays off.

Like maybe i'll actual write the book i've been putting off or- or even better get a fucking life

never has a love so strong ripped my heart out where it lay. but you Melynda take the cake. I have wept every tear I could, but nothing of this world could truly reunite our friendship. With much love I bid you a great farewell. To meet again in another time is something I hope to experience again. This road we will have to venture to separately. You know I've always disliked goodbyes.. so maybe we could call it a long pause. We shall pick up where we left off- hopefully sooner rather than later.

goodnight Mack

8:07pm

19 September. 2022

Life is so much more than survival so much more than the hatred I fester for it. Because after I inhale the breath post-laugh I realize how most days I am living for the thousands of moments like this.

- I wipe my tears and inhale deep, hoping to the Gods I experience such a time again.

fear the doe for you know not what power lies behind the fragile mask.

2021/04/25

To sink or to swim- I find neither to be appealing as the waters are not safe for those who do not tread lightly.

jada armani

18/03/2021