Jacky Tsang

So I just got my first tattoo and wanted to share it with you guys. I love it. It’s a thick and thin armband around my forearm. It symbolizes that saying “through thick and thin.”

2018 was quite a year. There were many good days. There were many rough days. I made new friends. But I lost close friends. I had my heart broken a few times. But I also developed new relationships I never thought would’ve happened.

😭😭 it was so badly written, my thoughts were all over the place but thank you so much!!!

“Why aren’t we talking anymore?”

I didn’t feel comfortable sharing it on Facebook so I’m going to write my feelings here.

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Why aren’t we talking anymore?

Well you texted me just the other day telling me you no longer had feelings for me.

I asked you what do you mean and you simply replied, “the feelings just aren’t there for me anymore.”

Wow, are you serious. I actually can’t believe this is happening right now.

You proceeded to say sorry and that the reasoning behind this was because you wanted to get your life on track, and being with someone right now at this point in your life wasn’t something you had in mind.

Cool, I support self-growth. I support you trying to be the best version of yourself.

And for that, I say, sure no problem. Go work on yourself. Go find your passion and your interests. Go love what you want to do.

But there’s still a part of me that doesn’t sit well with this. I keep thinking to myself...where did I go wrong? You switched up on me so quickly.

We were talking every day, making plans, laughing together, spending time whenever we both had time. I was texting you when I was in Japan/Taiwan and whenever I asked why you weren’t sleeping (because of the time difference), you’d tell me it’s because you wanted to stay up talking to me.

You talked to me like we had a future together. You brought my hopes up and I was excited to see you again when I came back to the states.

I remember when you first talked to me. It was on Instagram and I was like...who is this guy. He’s cute but I’m not interested since you intimidated me at first. But you didn’t give up and you kept trying to talk to me.

I never gave you the time of day though.

Fast forward a few months, I see you post on your story at San Holo. I was there too, and I saw you. In fact, I’ve seen you around the city but I never had the courage to say hi.

So seeing San Holo on your story? That was my chance to say something. And I did. And we talked. And then a few weeks later, you asked me out.

And we went out. And we ended up talking in Chinatown until 1am. I got to work the next day tired, but happy to have spent time with you.

Then I left to Asia for the break, but we still managed to talk pretty regularly. When I came back, I thought our relationship was going to grow stronger. You confessed your feelings for me and I had felt the same way. I was excited.

The first night I came back, you cancelled our plans. I was so disappointed, but I understood because you told me about your busy schedule. So I said, okay, another night then. But then you wanted to see me so badly so you found the time and got dinner.

When we had left each other that night, I was walking away and then you suddenly pulled me in for a hug, and I felt so warm despite that cold, chilly night. I was so happy after.

We hung out again the next day. You were really busy but you still found the time to come and see me. And that night, was the first time I made a move on you and gave you a kiss. I didn’t want you to leave my apartment, but our time together wasn’t long before you had to go.

So you left and I walked you downstairs, gave you a hug and said goodbye. What I didn’t know was that was our last time seeing each other.

A few days later, you asked what I was doing and I told you I was going to go to the gym later. You were like, “omg can I please come with.” And I was like yeah sure. We both agreed 9pm worked for us.

And then, about an hour later. You send me the text.

“Hey I’m sorry to tell you this but I am not feeling this.”

Wow.

What.

This can’t be happening.

You told me you weren’t ready, but I blame myself for what happened between us. I’m so mad at myself. I think about what I could’ve done differently to prevent you from leaving.

I was in denial. I thought that you were just playing a prank on me, that you were gonna send me a text and say “just teasing.”

I thought you were testing me, and all you wanted was to see if I would fight for you.

I came up with so many different situations, but honestly, I doubt any of that was true.

So why aren’t we talking anymore?

I don’t know. I wish I had the answer to that. I just want to text you and ask what happened between us. But I’m so scared. And I’m not gonna do that.

I guess there are just some things better left unanswered.

But I appreciate the times you’ve made me happy and enjoyed each moment with you. I realize now that I do have to do so much personal growth, and if it was meant to be, then it will be.