too shy to say, but I hope you stay

“It’s may be hard clicking with the others,” Valentina told you. “But I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“I’m so excited. I’ve always admired the Avengers. What Tony Stark did to save the world was sad but…”

“Necessary.” Valentina finished the phrase.

So that’s when you, Y/N Y/L/N, made the official appearance in the new Avengers’ Tower.

“Hey,” a blond girl told you, moving toward you. “Must be Y/N.” She stretched her arm. “Yelena. Yelena Belova.”

“Nat’s sister… nice to meet you.”

Yelena proceeded to present the other members of the team. Once she finished, after Bob already declared himself as your best friend gaining a fake offence from Yelena, the elevator opened.

Bucky Barnes appeared.

Tactical gear still on, gun on his belt and a shiny arm. A tired look on his face and bags under his blue eyes.

“Sam’s and ass he took credit for it…” he said without anger, just mocking Sam. “Left him at his house after hearing him talking… who are you?” He asked you, stopping his monologue about Sam.

“Hi,” you immediately stretched your arm. “I’m Y/N… from Shield…” you said, retiring your hand once you understood he wasn’t going to shake it.

“Don’t need another member.”

“It’s not our choice Barnes,” John intervened. “And she seems amazing by the way.”

You nodded toward the tall man, silently thanking him.

Bucky grunted and without stepping outside of the elevator, he pushed the button to his floor and the door closed.

“Is he always like that?” You asked.

“Sometimes…” Ava replied.

“But he’s okay… I mean he’s with us…” Bob shyly said. “You’ll be under our wing, don’t worry.”

As the weeks passed, Bucky didn’t seem to move from his idea.

It was now almost a month since your arrival. The team quickly discovered why Valentina chose to add you to them. During a particularly thought mission, they found out your ability.

You moved like a shadow, anticipating every enemy’s moves. Swinging on the field, covering Yelena and then starting a fight just as Ava could disappear without being noticed.

As Yelena was standing in front of an agent, another one was getting ready to take her from behind. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed it and stretched your arm. A white light came out of your palm and it was like the world around you all stopped suddenly. A cone of ice erupted from the dry ground killing the agent behind Yelena, stabbing him. As the other agent lost track for a second, Yelena was able to shoot him in his chest. He felt down right in front of her. Faking unimpressive, Yelena simply nodded at you.

There was no time for explanation.

“God you’re amazing,” John told you, hitting an agent with his elbow. He was truly impressed by your ability, just as Ava.

“Thanks John… you’re-“

“Can we stop talking?” Bucky growled. His voice, deep and cold, interrupted you. It was like he didn’t see the massive ice cone coming out of the ground, or if he did see it, he was totally unbiased by the situation.

You look down for a second.

“Sorry man.” John said, before knocking out for the good the agent.

In and out, no witnesses left and mission accomplished.

On the jet, everyone asked you to explain.

Everyone but Bucky.

At the tower you all entered in the common room where Bob, still recovering from his transformation in Sentry, was waiting.

“Bob,” Yelena yelled happily. “You should have seen her.” She jumped on the couch, messing his hair. “She’s magic…I mean really magic…” Yelena had stars in her eyes, which was totally out of her character. “She’s magic practically save us.”

“She didn’t save us,” Bucky said. “We save ourselves.”

“Shut up, Barnes.” Ava told him. “If she hadn’t made that ice cone appear Yelena wouldn’t have killed that agent and we would have wasted time unnecessarily… she practically save us.” She hugged your side.

“Ice cone?” Bob asked astonished. “You made an ice cone from… AN ICE CONE?” Bob’s voice peaked up.

You explained to them how you got your powers.

“Yes, I have some powers,” you said, looking down.

Bucky, sat on a stool having a coffee, rising his head slightly. He was listening.

“I… was born like that and I was always been told my powers are white because it’s linked with who I am,” you began kneading your fingers. “I can control ice… as you all saw,”

“Hell yeah we saw it,” John happily announced.

“Yeah… and I can heal from injury or even worse if that’s the case… without being hurt myself.”

You noticed Bucky’s eyebrow rose a little.

“What else can you do?” Bob asked you interested.

“I can bring back someone’s life… never done it but I can…”

Everyone around you cheered and laughed at the revelation.

Bucky remained silent for a moment, drinking his black coffee. “No one is born like that.”

And with that, he finished his coffee and left the room.

A wave of sadness rose into your body. Your eyes lowered on the floor.

You didn’t know why Bucky treated you like that, since you were always so kind with him like you did with everyone else.

Like for example, a couple of days before when you made a fresh batch of coffee.

You were already awake as you suffered from insomnia. You took all the five cups out of the cabinet, since you already drank you coffee.

Yelena had a yellow one with the bees.

Ava chose a blue one with a unicorn.

Bob had a vintage one from a flee market.

John chose to keep his white one from his time in the military.

Bucky of course had a black one, no illustrations and nothing written on it. Black and simple, kinda like him.

Coffee and milk for Yelena and Ava, way more milk and cream for Bob and a black coffee with three sugars for John like you. At the end, a black and steaming cup for Bucky. No sugar and no milk.

Everyone arrived and picked up their cup. Bob even licked his lips as the warm milky foam remained on his mouth. “Better than the cafe around the corner.”

You smiled warmly.

Yelena, Ava and John did thank you even before picking their cups.

As Bucky entered the kitchen, the voices got lower. Black shirt and shorts, sneakers already on. “Morning,” he said to all.

You hoped it was to you too. “Morning Bucky. Made you the coffee…” you said pointing at his cup.

“Going for a run. Walker would you like to join?” He asked completely ignoring you, opening the fridge.

“Not today.” He said taking Bucky’s cup. “Perfect.” He smiled, after taking a sip.

As Bucky got out of the kitchen, John made a weird face. “How is he even like this thing?”

“Why did you drink it?” You asked him.

“Wasn’t let him ruin the day… but now I really need sugar.”

“Here,” you handed him his cup. “Made you already. It’s gonna be a little cold.”

“No problem.” He said, kissing your head.

As the days passed, you saw at John as a big brother and that care made you smile.

“Barnes is… tough.” Ava began. “He needs time.”

“Seems like he hates me,” you stood, emptying your cup. “I’m gonna go to the gym. Call me if you need.”

In the gym, thankfully alone, you punched the bag attached to the ceiling. Every fist controlled and powerful. You took some second in between session to regain your breath.

You moved onto the treadmill, setting the maximum pace.

Running always made you feel better.

You were so caught up with your pace, that you didn’t notice someone on the threshold of the entrance.

Bucky stood there, sweaty after his run. He always used the gym to decompress after his exercise. He looked at you, still holding his breath as you could hear it above the music you had in your ears. He looked again and left, forcing himself to break his routine.

The routine was everything to Bucky and even a simple difference made him feel bad. After being taken out of HYDRA, rescued and loved in a way by the Avengers and now the Thunderbolts, he thought about having his life settled.

Your arrival made everything different.

You were always so bright and kind and loving even toward him. You made lunch and dinner for everybody. You prepare a new batch of coffee at morning and now you were occupying the gym.

Bucky knew you didn’t do anything wrong but still, he didn’t want to be engaged with you. Someone could say he wasn’t interested in getting to know you because he knew deep down, or so that was what he was thinking, that you hid something. In his mind, no one could be this kind without the urge to make amend for something. He knew it pretty well. He decided to keep an eye on you, afar but still on you constantly.

During missions, you noticed how he was slightly nearer you. In the field, his eyes always seemed to be moving toward your figure.

Meal time was the time he would spend more time listening and watching you.

You were always happy and bright. Always ready to clean up the table and make a coffee ending the meal.

It happened sometimes, that he didn’t see you leaving the room. They were the days when you felt the more nostalgia. You missed your family, especially your father.

Your parents raised you in an happy and loving family. You grew up with a step brother slightly older than you, and a little sister who looked at you like you hung up the moon.

You remained linked to your family no matter what.

Your family retired in some little town in the mountains. They were happy for you, for this new adventure with the New Avengers. They always saw something special about you, not only because you were their daughter.

When you chose the Shield, they fully supported you and when you broke down the news of joining the former Thunderbolts team, your father almost cried.

“We always knew you had something in special despite the circumstances.”

You hugged them tightly, then your brother and sister, before leaving for New York.

It was now six month since your arrival, when Valentina entered the common room. “Barnes and Y/L/N,” Valentina spoke. “Come here.”

You were on the couch with the others, while Bucky was in the kitchen. Once you were all there, Valentina spoke again. “So,” she clapped her hands. “We need two agents for an undercover operation. Two months.”

Everyone looked at each other knowing already what she was going to say.

“Barnes and Y/L/N,” she said smiling. “Congratulation on your wedding. Leaving in three days. You’re gonna have all the details from Mel.”

“WHAT?” Bucky exclaimed. “Absolutely no. I’m out.” Bucky stood abruptly.

“Not so fast, soldier. You don’t have a choice.”

You remained frozen on the couch.

“Barnes,” Valentina moved toward Bucky. He towered over her, but she wasn’t scared at all. “I fear,” she rested his hand on his flesh arm. “That you’re in the idea of… how can I say? Oh yeah… making decisions.” She smiled softly. “We need two agents. They have to be married and happy and…”

“In love?” Mel suggested, already regretting once Bucky looked at her.

“Right… in love. Can you fake it?”

She opened her arms, waiting for an answer.

Bucky, cornered, nodded his head.

“Wonderful,” she looked at you. “And you sweet Y/N? Can you be in love with this guy for a couple of months?”

“I’ll try.” You looked down, not being able to look at Bucky’s face.

“Amazing,” she turned to Mel. “So, informed them. I’ll be in the office all day.”

Once she got out, Mel gave Bucky and Y/N two folder.

“You’re gonna be Andrew and Jane and you got married a couple of years ago. This,” she handed you another folder, toward both of you stretched your arm softly touching your fingers. “Is gonna be your apartment. It’s right above the night club you need to take down.”

“Wait,” Bucky exclaimed. “You want us to be undercover for two months to take down a night club? Am I a bodyguard now?”

“Mr. Barnes-“

“Bucky, please.”

“Bucky… this is not a standard night club. We… think there is some sort of despatch for some new drugs and…”

Mel stopped talking.

“And?” Bucky said, beginning to be impatient.

“We found out some trace of a serum in some pills…”

She didn’t need to specify what type of serum, Bucky already understood. You didn’t tell anyone about your past, about your powers. You only told them what you wanted. You realised it was a bold choice but you thought about the implications and you weren’t willing to let them misjudged you. As Mel left, you were still shocked about the new mission.

Two whole months pretending to love Bucky Barnes.

Truth to be told, you didn’t need to pretend.

You couldn’t get why you felt what you felt for him. He was rude and even slightly aggressive to you, but you knew what he could have passed during his past. Maybe in that tower you were the only one who could understand him completely.

Your father, a glorious member of the military, was kidnapped by HYDRA. The same HYDRA that used to imprisoned Bucky making him known as the Winter Soldier to the world.

They used to keep their scientifically experiments on going, trying to make every time a newer version of the serum. Making it stronger and more powerful.

Your father, unfortunately, was the perfect example of experiment for them. He was single at the time, not that it would have changed something for them, perfect shape and strong built. Bucky was already the Winter Soldier at the time, but they wanted to use more men to their purposes.

He still didn’t know how and what went wrong.

As the serum run into his veins, he didn’t show the usual effects. He wasn’t any faster or stronger or even angrier. This alone made them disappointed, as they failed the experiment. Once they found out their mistake or their negligence, they hit and punched all over your father in one of their cells.

Broken ankles, ribs incapable of hold up a man like him and a fragile mind due to the constantly experiment.

That’s how your soon to be mother, found him.

She was working in a hospital when, during a night storm, HYDRA abandoned your father. He was leaning on a concrete bench on the ground, bleeding and unable to move or stand. She took care of him, as her job demanded but as the time passed, she felt in love with him just as he did with her.

He told her everything about him once they began dating, knowing she was pretty young and willing to have a family. He explained how he would have been probably the worst husband, as he wasn’t able to gave her the family she wanted, but she didn’t hesitate. She loved that man and she already chose him as her lover.

Years passed, they got married and one day she came running with a stick in her hand. “I’m pregnant!”

He picked her up and hugged her so tight. “Oh god, the baby… I’m sorry…” he said, kneeling on the ground.

“Don’t worry my love,” she said, caressing his hair. “It’s too soon to worry.”

After nine months of nausea, a beautiful girl was born.

She had her features but his eyes. She was the most gorgeous baby in the world for them.

As she grew, around three months after being born, they began to notice some particular abilities.

Her hands were always cold, no matter what temperature was in the house. Once she was able to crawl on her own, your mom noticed how your little hands always left a trace of cold water behind you. It wasn’t just the water that made them worried, it was also how you quickly moved on the floor or the beautiful but quite intimidating look in your eyes.

One day, they had their confirmation.

Your mom was on the rung ladder, trying to take down a box. She misjudged the distance and misplaced her foot. She felt or that what’s she was thinking.

In that moment, your father was coming back from the grocery store. Hands full of bags and mouth wide opened. “My love-” He didn’t complete the sentence.

Your mom was floating in the air, the box ahead of her floating too.

On the ground, a little smiley baby clapping her hands.

Your mom regained the balance just as your father use his shoulder to let her sit, after letting the groceries falling down. They moved the box on the ground, crushing it noisily making you cry a little.

Feet on the floor, your mom run to you. “No, sweetie… don’t cry. It’s all good.” She tickled your stomach and you began to laugh again.

They looked at each other in the eyes, knowing this wasn’t a typical case of medical issues.

Luckily, your mom knew someone.

It was one of the older nurses, she escaped HYDRA too. She was also the one who listened to her, truly listened to her, when she told her the story of the gorgeous man bleeding on the bench in front of the hospital.

She took a look at you, while you were playing with your hand. “She’s perfectly fine but,” she took off her glasses.

“But?” Your dad asked her worried.

“She might have some special… ability… let’s say.”

“Are you implying my daughter is a super soldier?”

“Not necessarily,” she pondered how to broke the news. “The serum they used on you might have skipped your system but settled into her blood.”

Your father broke down crying. Your mom sat keeping you into her arms.

The journey back home wasn’t pleasant, but they kept the volume down to not let you get scarred.

“It’s not your fault,” your mom told him. “I already explained to you. It’s their fault, not yours.”

“Feels like it’s mine…” he said, keeping his hands on the steering wheel.

“Well, it’s not… so stop this.” She whispered smiling.

They made you live a perfectly normal life, without the pressure of the power in you. They noticed tho, how you were able to pick a dead flower on the ground and make it alive again.

In the summer, when the heat was impossible to avoid, they kept playing with your hand. It was either for some coldness but also to see how you would react to a constantly touch.

Once you turned 18, they explained all.

You took the news very well. It was in your character. Always kind and understanding. Your father kept asking you sorry, you hugged him tighter every time.

In about three days, you would be Bucky’s fake wife.

He spent the firsts two days in his room, isolating himself from the approaching mission. He had breakfast at four in the morning, lunch in the early afternoon and dinner late at night. He did all of that just to avoid you, and you noticed.

Of course you noticed.

You didn’t think about being Bucky’s best friend of course, but you didn’t mind spending time with him too. You couldn’t deny that seeing him the first time, made your heart racing. He was gorgeous and massive and his voice, the few times you clearly heard him, sounded like a melody. You tried, as the days passed to get to know him.

Handing him the coffee in the morning was the first step but he didn’t accept it. Making a meal for everyone didn’t do the job either.

You respected his silence, even tho you two would have to have a conversation sooner or later about the mission. You spent three time reading alone the folders Mel gave you. You read about the apparently ceremony on a beach in Greece you two had. You could almost picture it.

Your white and soft dress, moved by the light see breeze. Bucky with a dark blue suit, no tie and a couple of buttons opened. Smiles and laughs and a lot of friends cheering for you.

A knock on your door interrupted your thoughts.

“Coming,” you said in the air, thinking it was Bob or Yelena. “Miss me so much-”

Bucky was behind that door, waiting in the corridor like a statue. “Let’s get this done,”

You moved and let him inside.

He noticed the folder opened on the bed, just as you noticed his folder crushed by his hand. “So tomorrow we prepare the essentials,” he said sitting on the edge of the desk, which creaked under his weight. “Valentina provides for everything. It’s gonna be all already in the apartment.” He said that methodically and practically.

“Shouldn’t we talked about… us?” He perked his eyebrow. “Well not us but… yeah us.”

“There’s no us, Y/N.”

“Of course,” you coughed a little. “The us for those two months.”

“Again, there’s no us. We need to be a little affectionate for the people outside. Once we’re alone, we’re strangers again.”

Strangers.

So that’s why you were for him. Someone came in his little world disrupting it.

“Gotcha… strangers.” You said, keeping your smiling on your face.

He left your room after a few more indications.

Door closed, your eyes began to sting.

The third day, Bucky kept himself again isolated in his room.

You packed your essentials, some make up and jewellery and removed your father’s necklace. You kept it hidden above your shirt, no one saw it. Around eight in the evening, the jet was ready to leave.

Bucky shook John’s hand, quickly and politely and wave to Bob, Ava and Yelena.

You, always you, hugged each of them with a bright smile on your face.

“Don’t let him ruin the mission,” Yelena whispered.

You heard about super soldiers and their earring, your father had super hearing, so you knew Bucky heard it.

You didn’t know if you heard him huffing or it was a sick joke of your mind.

Valentina waited for you. She glanced at Bucky, smiling at him. You saw his corner lightly rising as the gentleman he was.

She moved in front of you. “Your first undercover mission for us. It’s gonna be amazing I’m sure of it.” She caressed your arms. “I put the dress for a party in the closet. It’s a fancy one so be impeccable.”

“Why the boss of a night club should have a fancy party?” Bucky asked.

“Because Barnes,” Valentina moved closed to him. “He needs funds and black tie’s party are the most effective way to do it.”

You both got on the jet as the door closed. Sitting in front of each other, the mission began.

“They’re gonna be together you know?” Valentina said.

“Twenty bucks Barnes’s gonna be the first crumbling.” Yelena proposed.

They all laughed and agreed before entering the tower.

On the jet, the silence made it clear that you were not going to be able to hear anything other that the engines. You glanced at him once, keep reading the folder. Bucky loaded and unloaded his gun at least three times. He glanced at you too.

“So Andrew?” You asked Bucky, reading the folder.

“Yes, Jane.” He replied without looking at you.

Could that be the first sign of truce? Maybe.

Bucky spent the flight sleeping, or at least faking the sleep. He had his mind full, his brain working non stop and it was all your fault.

He spent the two days in his room looking at the files.

“Maybe they burn if I stared at them for too long.” He told to himself aloud in his room.

Bucky didn’t want to have your face in his mind constantly.

Your hair to soft, your smile too bright, your eyes to shiny and your voice like a melody. When he saw you the first time, his heart was beating so fast he couldn’t even breathe correctly.

An angel in the tower, that’s what he thought about you.

He put up with his hard facade, since he knew he couldn’t believe or trust you right after seeing you the first time.

Truth to be told, Bucky would have immediately put his life into your hands.

Reading the file, he began thinking about how your life with him could be.

It was a fake one, but it was something.

The idea of being able to kiss you or hug you or even hold your hand was the thing that kept him awake during the evening. Deciding to avoid you? Not his best idea, but it was the only way to get you far from him even tho it seemed you didn’t like to get far from him.

Bucky was mesmerised by you, he truly was but he also had to protect himself after years of being treated like a nobody.

Usually, HYDRA taught it to him, overly kind and gentle people had to make amends for something so brutal and awful did in the past.

Bucky knew how this was.

HYDRA made him a weapon, the most lethal and terrible one. People were scared of him and he had to make a gigantic amend to made people believe him.

He was still the same tough and slightly rude old man, but inside he was even the same old boy who helped Steve when bullies kicked him in the alleys. Y/N was definitely too kind, but it wasn’t the first time someone like you, a literal angel, was in reality someone so bad and awful. He already seen the scenario and he didn’t like it.

Back when he was fighting the Flag Smashers with Sam and John Walkers, the little and cute Karlie made his all world crumbled.

In his mind, you could be the same and he couldn’t risk it all for some feelings even to he began to realise there was no escape from the feelings.

The rational part of him made him thinking.

If she was so bad, why Valentina hired her as a new member of the team?

Shouldn’t be in the raft like criminals or worse, former HYDRA agent?

Seeing you as a potential threat like being a sleepy HYDRA agent made his blood boil, and even tho he was still very much attracted to you, spiritually and physically, he decided to kept the facade on and have a little digging in your past.

Family? Normal.

Education? A normal and “boring” school somewhere in the countryside.

Former experience? Training with Shield after discovering the powers you had.

Current occupation? New member of the New Avengers and probably crush of John Walker.

He grunted and growled at the last point.

He kept looking at you, he told himself for the digging he had to do, but it was just and excuse. The upcoming mission made him tremble on his legs. He cleared the case fast enough with Valentina and Mel and run to his room. Once he was inside, he threw himself on the bed face against the pillow.

He suffocated a grunt and push the pillow more against his face.

“Why me?” He mumbled in the soft pillow. “Why?”

He began thinking, really thinking, at the implications.

He would have to hold your hand, easy job.

He would have to hug you, slightly out of his comfort zone but manageable.

He would have to kiss you, this made the mission tougher than any mission implying HYDRA ever did.

As the jet landed, Bucky let you out first. He took a deep breath, inhaling your scent.

First sign of his surrender.

A car waited for you, keys above the tire.

He helped with the small luggage and put it with his in the back.

On the jet before landing, you both changed. You picked a light blue sundress with white sneakers. Your hair down, free from anything. They moved along the light breeze and Bucky’s super smell caught every particle of scent. He opted for a pair of black trouser and a white shirt, casual and comfy. The t-shirt was too white, your dress too light. He stuttered a little when he saw you, just as you did looking at his chest in that t-shirt.

Absentmindedly, he opened the door for you.

“Thanks,”

He nodded and quickly circled the car jumping on. Keys in the ignition and the car moved.

The dress slid up a little, your legs now slightly more visible.

He gripped the steering wheel with his metal hand, while the other one, kept its grip on the gear. He was very tempted by grazing your skin, already tanned.

“When we’re there,” Bucky began talking. “We…uh… should begin the process… I mean the marriage…”

“Uh- sure,” you replied. “What’s your idea?”

“Don’t know…” Bucky gripped the steering wheel harder. “I can opened the door for you and maybe put my arm on your shoulders…”

Your breath caught in your throat.

He spent weeks avoiding you and now he was willing to do all of that. You were aware of why he needed to do that, but as the skilled agent he was he could have found another way.

“Fine by me.” You smiled at him and you saw how his lips slightly raised.

The rest of the journey was used to make a tactical plan. You found out you were able to talk and you decided about what you could and couldn’t do.

Arms around the shoulders? Fine.

Hugging the side? Also fine.

Kisses? Not necessarily if not the least of your resources.

He entered the street, in a very beautiful district with lots and lots of condos there.

Valentina thought that getting an apartment would have been way more easier than a solo house.

“Less welcoming from neighbours,” she said. “And the nightclub is right ahead of you in one of the most popular and crowded streets.”

Once Bucky parked the car in one of the street spot, he jumped off and circled the car. He picked the luggage in the back and walked toward your door. He opened it, still having all the bag in his covered metal arm, and let you jumped off too.

As he said in the car, he circled your shoulders.

Ahead of the condo, where the lodge was, a couple of man were waiting for you. Valentina called some Shield’s agents to help you with moving, just for making the thing more real.

“Andrew?” One of the man called. “And you must be Jane, right?”

The man, fully aware of you too, glanced at you a little too much. Bucky’s hand lightly pressed more on you.

“Yeah, we talked on the phone.” Bucky replied, arm still on you.

“Miss Mel gave us the keys and we put the boxes already in the apartment. Here’s the key,” he stretched the arm in front of you.

“Thanks,” Bucky grabbed them, losing the contact with your body. “I’ll have them.”

Once the concierge man got out and saluted you, Bucky grabbed the luggage he rested for a second on the ground before you could take them.

“Let me, Jane.”

You nodded smiling, while grabbing his biceps. “Always a gentleman,” you kissed his clothed arm.

The metal one.

“I’m sure he is,” the concierge man told you. “Hey, are you not hot with that cover?” He said pointing at the covered arm.

Bucky that day opted for a white T-shirt, but he put an additional sleeve and glove just on the left arm.

“Uh,” Bucky said smiling. “A little, but gotta do what I have to do… lost it serving the country…”

The man nodded proudly.

Valentina chose your cover precisely and that included Bucky being in the military due to his built.

“Big guy I can let you walk out there without not putting in the army.”

Bucky nodded but you noticed how he had a slightly sad look.

You cover was way more easier. Jane was an author and needs to spent time home writing her first novel.

After talking a little with the concierge, and a couple of your new neighbours, you and Bucky got in the elevator and pressed the button of your floor. Valentina chose the attic.

“Maximum security and comfort,” she told you while she explained the mission. “And you won’t have anyone above you.”

Bucky’s arm was still on your shoulders. He noticed when you were already at your floor. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry.” And again, you grabbed his biceps.

Inside, the apartment was gorgeous.

Entering in the large, maybe too large, living room you could accessed to the kitchen on the left and the terrace right in front of you. Getting out, Bucky glanced down. “Here’s the club.”

“Crowed even during the day.” You added.

You got back inside and looked for the bedrooms.

Entering the corridor, you saw two identical bathroom and two others doors. You grabbed a knob, while Bucky grabbed the other one.

Two bedrooms, same style.

You nodded at each other and entered closing behind both doors. You both lost track of the time.

You felt asleep and a knock on the door woke you up. You heard talking behind the door and opened it.

“Yeah we’re here. We must have felt asleep,” Bucky said, phone against his ear. “Valentina.” He silently mouthed you.

“Hi Val,” you said, scratching your eyes yawning.

“She asked if you’re okay,” Bucky reported you.

You raised your thumb entering the bathroom.

Bucky smiled at your back.

You splashed some fresh water on your face, while he was still talking. You got out of the bathroom with the dress still on, so while you heard Bucky saluting Valentina you got back in the room to change. You got out some minutes later, after checking the clothes she chose for you. You picked some short and a blouse.

“What something to eat?” You asked Bucky with your usual smile.

“Yeah, I can order something.”

You opening the fridge still and looked inside, bending down a little.

Bucky stood from the couch and stopped walking.

That’s gonna be tough, he thought.

“Uh… she packed already the fridge I see…” he noticed.

“And the pantry,” you said, opening some cabinets. “Fancy some pasta?” You said already picking a pack of spaghetti.

“Pasta’s fine.”

You picked pans and pots and started to cook, while he got the table ready. You moved already like a couple.

Once it was ready, you sat in front of each other.

“What’s the plan for today, Andrew?”

“Practising already?”

“Well,” you said picking a big fork of pasta. “Gotta know what’s my husband wants.”

He looked at his finger. The ring sat there, calm and steady.

You looked down at your hand too and played with it.

“You chose a good one,” you teased him.

“Gotta know what’s my wife wants.” He smiled softly.

In that moment you thought that you could do anything.

During the afternoon, you decided to take a look at the district. You walked onto the Main Street, where the club was. Your shoulders kept bumping into each other. At the crosswalk, he let you stay in front of him slightly and put his hand onto your lower back.

You pushed yourself behind, resting yourself a little on his body. You decided to have a coffee in a cafe near the club.

“We should take a look at the bodyguard’s past. Looks he has some past,” Bucky said sipping his coffee.

“We’ll do it tonight after-”

“WHAT A LOVELY COUPLE! PLEASE LET ME TAKE A PICTURE!” A man yelled happily.

You looked at him and smiled. “Oh Andrew look,” you said pointing at his Polaroid. “Can we take one please?”

“Sure,” Bucky replied smiling.

It was the first real smile you saw on his face.

The man told you to get closer. You did and your cheek crushed on his.

As he took the picture, you stayed there for a couple of seconds more. He gave it to Bucky and he gave him some money.

“Thank you! Thank you! Really nice couple.”

“Thanks.” You both replied.

At the sun sat down, you got back to the apartment.

Bucky talked and you found out he liked talking a lot.

You began a routine.

At breakfast you always prepared the coffee and this time, Bucky always picked the cup from your hands.

At lunch he cooked, failing sometimes, but you ate no matter what.

Dinner time was the funniest moment, whoever lost the game of searching different things or people made the dinner.

You sat on the terrace, binoculars in your hands for the recognition of the club, trying to beat a super soldier.

“There. On the bench. A guy with a red shirt.”

You huffed.

“Oh… on the balcony. Second floor. A dog sleeping.”

“Buckyyy... c’mon.”

“What? You can’t beat me.” He snorted. “There, on the first floor. Someone dancing.”

You raised your arm, waving an imaginary white flag.

Useless to say, you made dinner every night.

The first week goes pretty well. Bucky finally opened up and smiled even more.

He talked about his past, which of course you knew already. “It wasn’t simple getting into the game again. My skills were used to the wrong purposes and… it took me a lot.”

You rested your hand on his. “But you were stronger. Everyone knew you were the victim, Bucky. Don’t let stupid people thing something else of you.”

“And you?” He asked after some minutes of silence. “What’s your story?”

“You know my story. I know you looked at it.”

“Maybe but I want to hear it from you.”

You told him everything but the HYDRA part about your father. He would have known, but it wasn’t the right time.

“So you’re a genetic miracle?” He said softly but quiet not fully convincing.

“You can say that.” You involuntarily touched your neck.

“Left the necklace at home?”

“How do you know about it?”

I can’t stop staring at you, Bucky thought.

“I’m a pretty good observer.”

“It’s a gift from someone very important.”

“A lover?” He shyly asked.

“Much more like a dad,” you laughed.

You couldn’t tell if it was real but his all body relaxed.

Two weeks in, you collected a lot of information about the club and the owner.

You tracked how the same guy made back and forth with a big bag every two days.

The owner, a man with dark hair always wearing black clothes, made long phone calls on the threshold of his club every morning.

“Right in front of everyone,” Bucky noticed.

“So he seems like a normal guy.” You added.

At the beginning of the third week, you decided it was time to get into the club. You picked a short green dress. No sleeves or collar. Bucky opted for a black shirt, two buttons opened, and tight jeans. You reached the elevator and then he kissed your naked shoulder.

“Cameras,” he told you whispering.

It was a mere excuse, and Bucky took advantage of that.

“Right.” You said peaking his cheek.

You entered the elevator hand in hand. You stepped out of the building and crossed the street.

“Andrew and Jane.” Bucky told the bodyguard, circling your waist.

He let you enter.

The hostess inside took a glance of Bucky and you felt a wave of jealousy rising inside you. You sat at a table and admire the interior.

“Didn’t think it was like that…” you said, sitting.

Bucky too took a glance around him. “Thought it was a stripper club…”

You ordered a couple of drinks, a martini for yourself and a whiskey for Bucky.

He sipped it slowly, letting his mouth curling around the edge of the glass. You played with the glass and then took a sip too.

A drop felt from your mouth and Bucky quickly cleaned it.

“Thanks,” you whispered. “We should take a look around.”

“Fancy a dance wifey?”

“With absolute pleasure, hubby.”

He stood and stretched his arm, you took it and stood too. He guided you on the dance floor where tons of people were moving and dancing. You turned, giving him a look of your back. He pulled you toward him, crushing on his chest. You swayed your hips following the music. He grabbed your hips, letting you guide him.

You turned your head a little, talking at his ear. “We should dance toward that door,” you turned into his arms. “Seems like it’s protecting something important.”

He nodded.

You began to slide on the floor, trying following the music.

Once you where near the door, he tried to grab the knob. The doors was of course locked.

“Can try to open it,” he said. “Need some time tho.”

As he took out the lock’s pick, someone was heard talking in the background.

Bucky stood abruptly and pushed you against the wall. He grabbed your hips and pushed himself more on you.

He angled his face and kissed you.

It wasn’t romantic.

It wasn’t prepared.

It was just the heat of moment after being almost blown out. You respond to the kiss immediately. Circling his neck, you pressed even more on him. Your fingers tangled in his locks. His leg in the middle of your, caging you. You lifted you leg, he gripped it under your tight. You both moaned in the kiss not noticing the two men arriving.

“Guys you can’t-”

You kept kissing a couple second more.

Too many.

“Oh sorry guys,” the man said quiet embarrassed. “Sorry but you can’t stay here.”

You were frozen.

“Uh… yeah… sorry,” Bucky said, hands trying to tied up his hair. “We were… uh… sorry we got caught up in the moment…”

“Hey,” the man touched Bucky’s shoulder, thankfully the flesh one. “It’s no problem but you need to… you know…”

“Oh yes… sorry again.” Bucky mumbled.

You simply nodded, cheeks red.

Bucky engulfed in a side hug, worsening the situation.

Once you were both outside, you finally relaxed a little.

You crossed the street in silence but holding hands. A shy nod to the night concierge and then into the elevator. You rested your head against his shoulder as you knew he was looking at you. Bucky let you pass once the door opened and pressed the button.

Entering the apartment, he rested the back against the closed door. You bent down over the backrest of the couch. No one talked but suddenly, you both began to laugh.

Bucky sat on the floor, sliding his back on the door. You knelt behind the couch, forehead resting on it. You looked at him and he looked at you.

After a couple of minutes, gaining your breath again from the laugh, he stood and you mimicked him. He gave you his hand and you shook it snorting.

“Well that was fun.” You said.

“Yeah… it was.”

His fingers lingered a seconds more around yours. Just as his lips did with yours. You both entered in your own room, then getting out right after with your pj on.

Smiling, you both entered in the bathroom.

Bucky undressed himself quickly and jumped in the shower. His body naturally reacted to the kiss and he hoped you wouldn’t find it weird.

The icy cold water streamed on his body, calming his nerves. He involuntarily passed his hand on the nape of his neck, where you did grab a lock of his hair.

In the other bathroom, you sat in the closed toilet. Knees up and head against them. A tear escaped your eyes. All of this, was fake. He wasn’t your husband, you thought looking at the ring you never took off. You still felt the pressure of his hand on your leg. The hunger of his lips. His soft hair in your fingers.

You stood and undressed. An icy cold shower would have resolved everything, at least you hoped.

Getting out of the bathroom, in the same moment as you practiced it all, was a little weird.

“Good night, Bucky.”

“Night, Y/N.”

You spent the night staring at the ceiling

Doors closed, the world kept shouting outside.

Bucky laid on his bed with his hands crossed on his chest. The memory of your taste still on his lips. Your warm body missing against his.

On the other side, you laid stomach down. Your face crushed into the pillow and not on his chest. Kissing Bucky made your legs buckle and when you touched his pecs, you felt his heartbeat. You did feel other part of his body and hoped he didn’t feel your nipples getting hard, but you knew he definitely did feel those.

You tried to not being conditioned by the kiss the next morning when you woke up.

You barely slept, Bucky didn’t even try. You heard the coffee machine in the kitchen and looked at the time. The clock on your wall ticked six in the morning. You huffed and sat on the bed, taking a deep breath you stood and opened the door. You walked slowly toward the living room and then the kitchen.

“Oh sorry,” Bucky said, mug in his hands. “Didn’t wanna bother you. Want some?” He asked pointing at the coffee.

“Yeah, thank you.”

You sat on a stool, not used to see him making the breakfast.

“Black with-”

“Black with three sugar,” Bucky exclaimed. “Like Walker.”

“How?”

“Told you I’m a good observer.”

You drank in silence your coffee but suddenly you decided to break it.

“Bucky we need to talk.”

“Listen Y/N,” he began. “I made it just for the mission… but I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable…”

“Bucky,” you sat better. “I’m not uncomfortable but… you avoided me at first and now you kissed me… I know it was for the mission but… we could have… I don’t know… had a fight…”

“I know. It won’t happen again.”

You were both so good at your job that you found a routine to use between the two of you.

The mission went pretty well, days passed and you guys integrated well enough with the people in the district.

The bakery knew how Jane loved a cinnamon roll while writing her novel. You tried to write something on your computer, to make the world knew you were in fact a real author. Valentina prepared some old articles and rearranged, letting you being able to consulted them in public. At the outside’s eyes, you were digging and looking for information for your novel.

The barista knew Andrew came in the cafe asking for a coffee in the afternoon. He went every afternoon, at the stroke of five o clock. He got out of the office and on his way home, he picked up a cup of coffee and something for his wife.

“Lucky woman, Jane,” the barista said.

“I’m the lucky one.” Bucky always replied.

The kiss came up in your mind every night, but the still two weeks remaining didn’t allow you to distract.

You and Bucky made a very detailed report to Valentina every two or three days.

Two weeks left now, the party was the last big piece of the puzzle.

In the previous days, after the kiss, you used the excuse to hang out just to enter more in the club. You noticed the same guy with the same bag and people coming back and forth. Those people, seems every time a little bit bigger. You saw them leaner and with more muscles. A shiver run down your spine. HYDRA really did use those club to spread the pills with the serum.

Bucky used to run every morning, particularly when the garbage man took his sweet time every morning with their trash. Feigning a cramp, he stretched his legs on a bench right outside the club. Bucky wore a pair of glasses with a camera in the rod. Once he came back, he gave the glasses to you and you downloaded every time the images.

As you sat with the computer in front of you, Bucky drank from a bottle of water. He always did after his run and you began to think it was a mere way of teasing.

You felt in a trap but you didn’t let him win all the time.

As you preferred running in the evening in the park, you came back sweaty and hard breathing, you stretched in the living room. Bucky was always on the couch reading some notes and looking at the pics he took during the day. You always stretched your arms in the air, letting your t-shirt rise a little. Bucky always changed the way he was sitting and licked his lips every time you turned.

It was the night of the party that changed everything.

Valentina didn’t arrange the invitation by a mere case of fortune. She knew that the climbs owner every year invited the people on the district to his annual party.

“It’s easy and effective. They saw him as a philanthropist and of course having the club in an exclusive position made him seems legitimate.” Valentina explained on the phone speaker some days before the event.

“Did you guys let him see you?”

“Barely,” Bucky replied.

“He’s never in the club. We don’t know him.”

“Did you saw him?”

“Once,” you said.

“That’s enough,” Valentina replied. “Y/N?” She asked.

“Yes?”

“I think you should flirt with him a little bit,” Valentina suggested.

“Did you remember she’s married to me?” Bucky asked, raising his voice.

“Did you remember it’s an undercover mission, Barnes?” Valentina asked Bucky. “And a lot of wife married with other man every day…” she left the phrase hanging in the air.

Yeah but no husband looks like Bucky, you thought.

“How should I do it?” You asked.

Bucky raised an eyebrow. You put your hand on his. “Should I let him buy me a drink?”

“Use your weapon darling.”

“Alright,” you declared. “I’ll see once I’ll be there.”

Bucky stopped the call. His voice dropping down in a second.

“Let’s get ready.” He said, standing and running to the bedroom.

“Buck-”

He already closed the door.

You got back to your room and your phone rang, your personal one. Looking at the screen you saw your father’s number blinking.

“Hey,” you tried to feign happiness.

“You’re a terrible liar,” your dad replied back. “What’s going on?” He asked you serious.

You explained him all.

About how Bucky still didn’t know how you got your powers. About how your dad in HYDRA wasn’t an easy thing to say to Bucky. How Valentina suggested you to flirt with the club’s owner and Bucky had that weird reaction.

Bucky.

Bucky.

Bucky.

He was in your head.

In your heart.

On your lips.

“Woah,” you dad exclaimed. “Too much information honey.” He replied as you were talking about the kiss you and Bucky shared.

“Sorry,” you laughed.

“Honey,” his tone sweet like sugar. “If you think Bucky’s the one… you should be talking to him.”

“I don’t know how Bucky would react knowing that-”

“React to what?” Bucky exclaimed.

You forgot to lock the door and he had super hearing.

Terrible combo.

“I gotta go. Talk to you later,” you stopped the call. “Bucky is not what you think…”

“Explained it to me then.” He almost ordered.

“I-I can’t…”

“I knew it. Your hiding something,” he looked at you with hate. “Let’s finished this mission and then you’re gonna leave the Avengers once and for all.”

“Bucky no-”

But he was already out of your room.

You knelt on the floor crying.

After an hour, where you didn’t even hear him at all, he opened the door to your room. You sat on the bed, tying the lace on your shoes.

“Are you ready?” He asked you. The sweet tone he had, completely gone.

“Ready.”

It wasn’t simple feigning love when the other person almost didn’t look at you. Bucky was a great spy but a terrible liar and he couldn’t handle not being affectionate to you. He still had his hand on your waist. His lips lingered on the delicate skin on your shoulder. He kissed the top of your head standing in the queue in front of the club.

For the occasion, the club was completely transformed. Red drapes and black rug on the floor.

“HYDRA’s colours,” he whispered in your ear.

You nodded.

Once it was your turn, the bodyguard recognised you and let you in.

If the outside of the club was the same, the inside was totally reorganised. The red drapes on the outside seemed lighter on the inside. The table were all covered in black tablecloths and red roses stood in the middle in tall and glassy vases.

You dress had a long and deep slit, sitting down your tight was visible.

Bucky did take a look at your leg.

“Ladies and gentleman, welcome. Every night, people walk through these doors looking for something. It may be freedom or purpose or even a chance to leave the world outside behind,” the man began speaking.

The man was the owner.

The real mind behind everything.

The man creating a new squad of super soldier using people’s weakness.

“I believe we’re all capable of becoming more than we think, if we’re willing to let go of our limits and embrace change. So tonight, forget who you were when you arrived. Dance, celebrate, and enjoy every moment. By the time you leave, you might discover you’re stronger than you ever imagined. To new beginnings.”

Everyone around you cheered and applauded.

“Welcome to the Cepire.”

Cepire.

Your mind worked relentlessly.

“Bucky,” you shook his arm. He barely turned his head. “Bucky,” you called him again whispering.

“What?” He replied. His tone showing no affection.

“Bucky… Cepire is the anagram of Pierce,” he finally looked at you in the eyes.

“What?”

You moved closer, linking your arm around his neck. Your mouth and warm breath against his ear. “I think this is Pierce’s son.”

“How do you know Pierce?” He asked you angry. “Y/N? How did you?” Anger flashing across his face.

“Please,” you kissed him. A quick peck on his lips. He remained frozen. “Trust me and proceed with the mission. Let’s have a fight and I’m gonna try to find something.”

He stood. “Oh yeah it’s convenient for you. Why don’t said anything before?”

You mentally thanked him.

“Am I not free enough to make decisions?” You stood abruptly too. “You know what? I’m going now.”

People around you looked at you.

“Sorry.” You told them.

Bucky made his way toward the bar. You moved to the other side, where a long table full of flutes of champagne stood there.

“What a stunning woman like you is doing all alone here?”

The owner moved toward you. His voice deep and weirdly soft.

“Regretting my marriage… oh stupid champagne,” you said, glancing at him. “It made my tongue run a little too fast.”

“Am I sensing some trouble in paradise?”

Well, let’s see.

He made his personal mission hating on you since day one. You couldn’t be honest with him even if you would literally put your life into his hands. He then made a teeny tiny step ahead with you. And lastly he kissed you like his life depended on that to “not blow up the cover”.

You could have said that, but instead you skated over. “Nothing like that,” you rested your hand on his forearm. “But sometimes… marriage is tough.”

You said, emptying the glass of champagne.

He snapped his fingers, and second later a waiter appeared with another flute of champagne.

You took it from his hand, letting your fingers grazed his. You didn’t see Bucky, but it was like feeling his presence on you.

The man, you were now sure was Pierce’s son, kept talking and leaning towards you. He moved closer, whispering something at your ear. “You shouldn’t let a man conditioning your life…” he said, looking at you with a spark in his eyes.

“Maybe you’re right-”

Your head felt heavy. Closing your eyes, you leaned on the counter.

He snacked his arm around you, cradling your head on his shoulder. “There you are… Y/N.”

But you were already passed out on his shoulder.

Bucky went out, not seeing the scene. He took his phone out of his pocket and called Valentina.

She answered immediately. “Any news?” She asked worried.

“Y/N thinks the owner may be Pierce’s son.” He didn’t asked. The told her.

Valentina didn’t reply immediately.

“Is he?” He asked now as confirmation.

“We had some doubts about that but… if she thinks that it may be true.”

“You put us on a mission with Pierce’s son? Are you of your mind? You should have told us at least.” He whispered shouted.

“Barnes,” she tried to talk. “We couldn’t say it for sure. We need confirmation first.”

“Well now you have it and…” Bucky stooped.

“And what? Barnes?”

“She’s flirting with him… like you suggested it… gotta go. Talk to you later.”

He didn’t wait for her reply.

Entering again the club, Bucky didn’t see you. Panic began to rise inside his body and a wave of fear invaded his mind. “Y/N where are you?” He asked himself.

In the back of the club, you woke up on a chair. No chain or rope. Just sat there.

A man, overly tall and muscular, stood in front of the door.

There were no windows and just a bulb of light hanging on the ceiling.

The door opened.

The owner, better saying Pierce’s son, entered the room and ordered the man to leave you alone.

You gulped.

“Well, well, well,” he began. “Y/N Y/L/N. How’s daddy?”

“Don’t know,” you replied, now weirdly calm. “How’s your daddy?”

He touched his chest, right above his heart, wounded. “Valentina didn’t teach you manners I see…”

Your hands began to shake. Tiny flakes of white sparks rose on your palms, but they didn’t strike up.

“I wouldn’t, if I were you,” he said, stretching his shirt sleeves. “This room have an electric magnetic field around it. Your powers are… useless inside here.”

“They will come to find me.”

“Oh we counted on it. Especially your husband… Andrew right?” His smile darkened. “Never thought of the Winter Soldier as… Andrew.”

Every time he pronounced Bucky’s fake name, a shiver run down your spine.

“You got me for a second,” he seemed like he was complementing you. “But I’ve never forget my dad’s best experiment… and you,” he circled the chair. “You have your dad’s eyes. Same expression of someone wanting to do the good thing. He was weak.”

“My father was a victim but he was never weak.”

“He was.” And then he smacked your head making you falling from the chair.

Pain rose inside your head, you felt the warm blood streaming on your forehead but also noises from outside.

You smiled weakly. “He’s coming for you.”

“Again, I hope that.”

He moved like a shadow and got out the room, leaving you alone on the floor. You tried to stand slowly. Your head banging and your arm hurting as you felt on that. You heard punches, shooting and yelling.

When the door opened, you fear for your life but a shiny hand helped you to stand properly.

Bucky.

“Y/N,” he was panicking. “My god what did he do?”

“Hit my head… Bucky everything is spinning…”

“Rest on me, sweetie.”

Holding you up, he got the both of you out. You saw the man that was in the room with you, laying on the floor. A bullet in his forehead.

“Not so fast, soldat.” Pierce’s son told in the dark corridor.

Not seeing him, you began to run. Bucky held your body with his metal arm, while the other held a gun. You arrived on the dance floor, empty. No one was there anymore.

As there was no other people in there, or that’s what you both thought, he pushed you under a table moving his attention to Pierce’s son.

He was fast, so damn fast.

Bucky blinked when he shoved him on the ground. No one could tackled down Bucky, but he did it.

You felt the power rising in you, and you tried to stand. In that moment a couple of men, incredibly strong and big, arrived. You stretched your arms ahead of you, pointing at them. White streaks came out of your palms. You felt the power rising in your body and seeing Bucky on the ground, fighting for his life, gave you a purpose.

The two men were strong but you power was stronger. In a second they were on the ground, frozen to death.

Pierce’s son looked at you for a second, while Bucky was still on the ground. “Oh,” he muttered. “We bet on the wrong horse.”

He moved toward you, gun in his belt. As he took it, Bucky swung his legs making his losing the balance.

He regained it quickly and pointed the gun at Bucky’s chest. “I wouldn’t,” he smiled. “Don’t want your boyfriend to suffer, right?”

In a rush of adrenaline, you made the chandelier shaking. Seeing a white aura around you, Pierce’s son looked up at the chandelier. In that moment, you stroke at him. Falling down, he pressed the trigger of the gun and a bullet landed in Bucky’s side.

“BUCKY!” You yelled full of anger.

Pierce’s son laid down on the ground dead. You slid toward Bucky, crawling on the floor.

You rest your palms on his side and cried.

“Please... Bucky stay with me. Please don’t leave me.”

You closed your eyes for a second, concentrating. Your hands began to glow, feeling the powers flooding from your body to his.

It happened all fast around you, but you were concerned only about Bucky and saving his life.

You felt a hand on your shoulder and you flinched lifting your right hand in the air while the left one remained on Bucky.

“Whoa,” John lifted his arms. “It’s me. What happened?”

The rest of the team and Valentina entered.

“I don’t know… I really don’t… I killed him,” you said, pointing your head toward Pierce’s body. “But he pulled the trigger… an-and it reached Bucky’s side…”

Under your palms, Bucky began breathing normally again.

You laid on the ground tired. Your healing power didn’t affect you but with the blood still coming out of your head, it was another situation.

The paramedics took over. “Ma’am,” one of them said to you. “You did it amazing but let us work now.”

His tone was sweet so he let him.

On the ambulance, after sticked the pads on Bucky from the machine, you took his hand. He removed the oxygen mask, letting it slide on his face.

“No Bucky,” you grabbed the mask. “You need this.”

“Oh god,” he panted. “Am I dead?”

You panicked. “God, no. Bucky you’ll live… you’re gonna be okay.”

“If you say so angel. You’re so beautiful… but not as beautiful as Y/N,”

A breath got stuck in your throat.

“She’s beautiful and I was mean to her… she’s always so nice and kind and gentle… I don’t deserve her… when I kissed her my heart was beating like crazy...”

John behind you in the ambulance, while the other remained in the club, snorted. “Knew it…” he whispered.

“Shut up.”

“Angel?”

“Yes, Bucky?” You said sweetly.

“Would you said it to her?”

“Saying what?”

“That I love her… I’m so sorry for treating her like that… I’d love her even if she was HYDRA…”

“What?” John whispered.

“Later.”

“She’s the only good thing in my life and I wrecked it…”

He began crying and his heartbeat rose. The paramedic in the back of the ambulance yelled. “FASTER! WE’RE LOSING HIM! Miss please,” and pushed you on the side.

“I’m telling her, Bucky.” You cried.

John hugged you tight. “It’s gonna be okay…”

But he couldn’t know that for sure.

In the hospital, Bucky was immediately taken into surgery.

Valentina and the other Avengers came immediately. Bob was there too.

“What happened?” Yelena asked.

You explained them all.

How you were flirting with the man. How you got your head heavy in a second and how you woke up minutes later in a dark room. You told them he was Pierce’s son, and Yelena fought against her tears.

John kept an arm on you. “Why did Bucky told about…” he didn’t knew how he could say it without having implications.

“That he would love me even if I was from HYDRA?” You looked Valentina. “You knew right?”

She nodded.

Everyone kept looking at you.

“I was born from a man tortured by HYDRA. He was an experiment but…” a tears escaped your eye. “The serum failed on him and apparently settled in me.”

“So you are…” Bob began asking.

“No, I’m not a super soldier… but I have those powers and… I’m using them for something good…”

Yelena was now crying. Ava followed her behind. John’s arm still on you and now Bob engulfed all in a hug.

“Come on Valentina,” he told her. “Join us…”

She did.

Yelena personally guided to the medic bay. “You should patch it up,” she said, pointing at the forehead. “It’s bleeding again.”

You looked down.

“Hey,” she lifted your chin. “No one here is angry with you. You’re no HYDRA. You’re an Avenger.”

You hugged her tight. “Can you bring me to Bucky?”

She nodded.

On the other side of the med bay, in a single room, Bucky laid down.

His body totally recovered but he needed rest.

“We gave him something to sleep. He’s gonna need at least a couple of days to rest completely, but you did a great job healing him.”

“Why did he…”

You didn’t know how to say it.

“He had a little heart attack but it’s now all under control. His heart was beating like crazy. You can stay here if you want.”

You stayed there for two days.

You held his hand and caressed his face. Even during sleep, he was the most handsome man ever. His feature relaxed and his mouth slightly raised in the corners.

He woke up after a couple of days. You were still there.

“Angel?” He realised he was talking to you in the ambulance. “God I fumbled.”

“You didn’t,” you caressed his cheek. “I was so worried.”

“If you’re HYDRA… please tell me before I’m gonna do something irresponsible…”

You preceded him and kissed him.

He responded immediately to the kiss. His hands shaking but firmly rested on your head, pulling you into him. He panted when you put your body slightly on him.

“Ouch,” he grunted. “Careful sweetheart.”

“Oh god sorry.”

You sat on the chair near his bed, keeping his hand between yours and explained all to him.

He opened and closed his mouth a couple of time but his eyes remained steady on you. “I was worried you were here for them… and I treated you as a threat but,” he snorted. “You’re by far the most kind and amazing woman I’ve ever seen.”

“Yeah I know,” you slid a lock of hair for his face. “The angel told me…” you teased him.

“Please,” he closed his eyes smiling. “Don’t reminded me.”

“I’ll make it as my personal mission, Barnes.”

You both stared at each other with nothing but love in your eyes.

“So he’s dead?” He asked you.

“Dead.” You confirmed.

The following days were like a dream. Bucky found himself as a lover boy and you loved it. He waited for you in the kitchen with a cup of coffee.

“You should rest, Bucky.”

“Can’t,” he kissed your cheek. “Need to make amends for my behaviour.”

Yelena and Ava entered the kitchen and smiled but right after they playfully teased him.

“So he’s dead crumbled first right?”

“Shut up Belova.” He smiled, arm linked to your waist.

“God your such a sap…”

John delighted by the scene, hugged you both. “Found your match I see. Don’t ruin it man.”

“Wouldn’t dream on it…”

Bob looked at you like a little kid watching his parents in love.

Valentina entered unannounced. “Hey look at this,” she sid not surprised.

Bucky had his all body crushed against yours. He leaned behind you, hugging your waist while you spread some jam on a bagel.

“Guys can I talk to you?” She said, serious. “In private?”

You followed her into another room.

“Pierce’s son is definitely dead,” she told.

You and Bucky both huffed relieved.

“You were right about everything Y/N and… I’d like to make you an apology. We should have informed you.”

“I get it why you didn’t, Valentina.”

“Anyway I’m here for those,” she reached in her pocket. “This is for you.”

Bucky picked the envelope. “A reservation for an hotel?”

“It’s my apology gift for you,” she smiled. “Picked a five star hotel here in New York and spent some days resting,” she finished. “But not too much. The world needs you.”

The same night, Bucky chose the most luxurious hotel in town. Spa in the room, meals in bed and a terrace. You left the tower the same exact night, as you were too excited to spent time alone. As you arrived in the massive suite, Bucky immediately orderer room service.

“What you want, doll?” He asked you, cornering you. “I’ll buy you everything you like.”

“Well,” you circled his neck. “Since you were very rude,” you kissed the tip of his nose.

“Uh uh,” he moaned.

“Surprise me… let’s see if you’re worthy…”

You removed your hands from his neck and slid toward the bedroom.

As Bucky ordered on the phone, you took all the clothes off. “… yeah thank you. Half and hour? Perfect. Bye.” He hung up. “Doll,” he told you. “It’s gonna be around-”

You hid yourself behind the bedroom’s door, letting only your leg out.

“Doll,” he panted.

“Want to take a shower before eating?” You asked, battling your lashes.

Bucky did definitely want that.

He run to you and you squeaked happily. He was in the bathroom in a second. He looked at you fully.

Naked and glowing.

He saw the ring sitting on your finger. “You still have it.”

“Kinda like it.” You said, entering the shower.

He removed all of his clothes and jumped in the shower with you.

You couldn’t avoid looking at his all body.

His massive frame occupied most of the space. His hard pecks stood in front of you. His hands immediately reached and grabbed your waist. He pushed you against the wall. His cock already hard, pointing up against his stomach. “Yeah… sorry…” he said blushing.

You grabbed the shaft and began stroking it. With your free hand, you pulled him down on your lips. He let you do all.

“Doll,” he panted against your lips.

“You like it?” You asked teasing him.

Your hand become icy cold, a delicious contrast with the hot water running above you.

“Fucking love it…” he grunted, resting his metal hand on the wall.

As his cock twitched in your hand, you removed it from around his cock just as he was about to come.

“What,” he whined at the loss. “Doll,”

You turned and picked up the shampoo. Squeezing it you lather on your hands and then on your scalp. Once your head was all bubbly, you use the remained shampoo and washed his hair.

He bent down his head and let you spread the foam on his head. Your nails scratched his scalp with the perfect amount of force.

Conditioner and body wash, were the following steps.

You rinsed your body then his and stopped the water. You stepped out and took a nice and fluffy towel. Bucky did the same. He was still half hard and shocked.

Not even ten minutes later, someone knocked on the door. “Room service.”

Bucky opened, worried his visible excitement was still showing, and gave the waiter a big and overly generous tip.

He brought the cart inside the room, in the living room, where you were waiting for him.

Again, naked.

“You’re killing me…”

“I hope so.”

He positioned the cart in front of the table and pulled off the towel too. You took your time looking at him. He sat and lifted one of the cloches.

The most perfect steak and potatoes appeared. Juicy and tender. A perfect combination of flavour and texture. You drank a little bit of wine, adding warm to your body. Just the sight of a naked super soldier in front of you was enough. When he lifted the last cloche, after finishing your steak and potatoes, you saw the dessert he ordered.

A cup of fresh and red strawberries and whipped cream.

“Why don’t you come here, doll.” He tapped his tight.

You moved on autopilot.

Standing, he glanced again at you. You circled the table and he pulled his chair back. You sat on his tight, legs closed. Your knees grazed his cock.

He grabbed a strawberry and bit into it before pushing it into your lips. You bit where he did and some juice escaped your mouth. He licked it clean and moved down on your chest, where some drops felt too. He closed his lips around your nipple and you moaned at the contact.

“Bucky,”

“Yeah,” he sucked it harder. “Say my name.”

You dipped your finger in the whipped cream and spread it on his lips, then licked it clean all.

His cock twitched and you felt it under your legs. You decided to not let this man suffer. You took some whipped cream and spread it on his tip. You knelt on the ground, between his legs and licked the cream of his body.

“Jesus,” he moaned, as his hand flew into your hair.

You hollowed your cheeks and took him fully. You fought a little gag reflex and sucked him. Hard and deep.

He put his other hand on your head. He guided you but let you have your pace. You felt it twitching into your mouth and sucked him harder. He came with a grunt, holding for some seconds your head there. You looked at him, swallowing all.

He stared at you hungrily and moved the plates on the table. Making the right amount of space, he picked you up and sat you on the table. He spread your legs and dove in your core. You rested your weight on your elbow while your other hand grabbed his hair.

“God, Bucky… please don’t stop.”

He rested his hands on your legs and opened them more. His tongue lapped your clit and hole. Nothing left behind.

As he sensed your core clenching, he inserted two fingers in you. Moving them in and out, he kept sucking on your clit.

“Wanna come Bucky… let me come…”

“Do it,” he sweetly ordered.

You cried out as you came. Wave of pleasure coming out of your body like and explosion and tiny sparks of white light came out from your palms. You sat there panted. Your chest moving up and down.

“God you’re addicting…” He stood up and kissed you.

Both of his hands on your face as he devoured your lips. He picked you up and you squeaked grabbing his neck. He let you down on the bed like you were the most fragile thing ever. You spread your legs more and he laid in between. His cock pressing on your still throbbing core. He kissed you like that night in the club. His hands grabbing your tights before rolling his hips.

“Bucky do something…”

He took his cock in his hand and glided your core with his tip. He passed it between your folds, collecting all the wetness.

“Please,”

He inserted his tip, just the tip, and you moaned at the feeling. He pushed himself more into your pussy. You felt the stretch and every inch of him. He sat there on his knees, fully inside. He let you adjust to his size and then he began to move. He pulled out and pushed back. Your hands grabbed the sheet. He took your hand in his and intertwined your fingers, holding your arm up. He dipped down to kiss your opened mouth. He dove down more on your collarbone and neck, sucking a point he quickly found out was your weakness.

As you clench more around him, he began to move faster. “I’m coming Bucky…”

“Me too,” he kissed you more. “Come with me.”

Your second orgasm rose inside you. He sealed your mouth with his as he played with your clit with his finger. He walked through your pleasure.

As you came down, he crushed your body with his like a weighted blanket. His body, warm and sweaty, comforting you.

You both remained there for some minutes without talking. He broke the silence. “I’m sorry,” he told you whispering.

“I thought you hated me…” you whispered back. “I really thought you were… I don’t even know what…”

“I’ve never really hated you,” he rose his head, looking straight into your eyes. “I was just scared and if I have to be honest a little scared even if your kindness…”

“What do you mean?”

“You were always so kind and gentle and… I hate to say it but… HYDRA made people this gentle to trick others…”

“Bucky I’d never-”

“I know,” he kissed you sweetly. “Now I know.”

Bucky never stopped asking you sorry. He was truly disgusted by his behaviour but you perfectly understand why he did it.

One year later, you and Bucky were now officially a couple.

The team never stopped teasing Bucky for his behaviour and once you got back from the “apology gift” Valentina gave you, they began trolling the former Winter Soldier.

“So you did crumble, Barnes.” John asked.

It was no point in lying, so he did tell the truth. “Yeah… and I was a moron and an asshole…”

“Indeed she could have someone better,” Yelena teased him and Ava choked on her coffee seeing Bucky’s face.

“What?”

“Oh don’t listen them… they’re jealous…” you kissed him deeply. “There’s no one better.”

“Awwwww…” a choir rose inside the kitchen.

“I hate you all,” Bucky said. “Not you of course.” He kissed you once more.

He took your hand in his, where a ring sat.

It wasn’t Jane’s ring, this was Y/N’s ring.

He kissed the stone then the back of your hand.

“I can’t wait to marry you, Jane.” He said whispering in your ear.

“I can’t wait to marry you too, Andrew.” You replied.

What began as a mission, let the hidden feeling came out and that’s how you liked it.

The thing about cravings, pregnancy cravings, is that they’re a mystery even to the person experiencing them. This is why Bucky Barnes, ex-assassin turned cuddle-bear, stood frozen in the kitchen mid-bite of his third Pop-Tart as his very pregnant and hormonal wife stared blankly at the open fridge like it had personally offended her.

“I don’t know what I want, Buck!” You cried, throwing your hands up and nearly knocking over a bowl of oranges in the process. “But whatever it is… it’s not in there and I hate it… and I hate this fridge… and why is this light so bright?”

Bucky blinked slowly, then glanced guiltily at his half-eaten Pop-Tart and tried to hide it behind his back.

“Sweetheart,” he said carefully, in the same voice he once used while disarming a nuclear device, “do you maybe want some... pickles and peanut butter again? Or the chocolate-covered beef jerky thing?”

You turned your gaze on him like an avenging angel with a maternity pillow. “No! That was last week, Bucky. I evolved. That was the larval stage of cravings. I don’t even know what this one is. All I know is I’m hungry and sad and mad and also maybe I could cry over a sock.”

“You did cry over a sock yesterday,” he mumbled under his breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing!” He said quickly, holding up his hands like he was about to be mugged. “Okay! Right… hungry… not sure what for. Could be anything. Could be... grilled cheese? Watermelon? Honey on pizza?”

“Stop saying food names, it’s making it worse!”

Bucky paused, then asked sincerely. “Do you want me to stop or do you want me to list them alphabetically?”

You made a sound that could only be described as a frustrated grunt-squeal, dramatically flopped onto the couch. “I’m going to die hungry and hormonal and the baby will come out annoyed because I couldn’t figure out what I wanted!” You shouted.

Bucky was sweating now as the Pop-Tart was forgotten. He sprinted to your side like the flat was on fire. 

“Could have asked for some Pop-Tart…” 

“I hate Pot-Tart… they’re disgusting!” You cried.

“Babe… don’t cry… I’ll go to the store and buy one of everything. I’ll bring back sushi and ice cream and that weird cereal with marshmallows that tastes like regret.”

“I can’t eat raw fish, you idiot!” You snapped, eyes blazing.

He blinked. “Right… raw and dangerous… got it… what about the ice cream? You love that mocha caramel chunk-”

“Ice cream makes me fat, Bucky!” You wailed, hands flying up in distress.

He blinked again, rapidly. “Babe… you’re pregnant. You’re literally supposed to gain weight. That’s part of the-”

“Oh, thank you, Doctor Barnes,” you growled. “Did they teach that in assassin school too? Did they teach you how to ruin your hormonal wife’s last shred of self-esteem while she’s swollen like a balloon and can’t reach her own toes?”

Bucky’s mouth opened.

Then closed but immeditely opened again.

No sound.

Just silent.

“Marshmallows?” He squeaked, desperate now. “Maybe marshmallows? I could make cocoa?”

You recoiled like he’d suggested eating a handful of gravel. “Marshmallows? I could vomit just looking at them right now. Why would you say that? Are you trying to kill me?”

“I’m not! I swear! I’m trying to save you!” He gasped. “Okay. No sushi and no ice cream and no marshmallows and… no joy apparently. Got it. That’s fine. I’ll go to the store. I’ll buy one of everything and we’ll sniff our way to an answer like food detectives.”

“You’d do that for me?” You sniffed, now on the verge of tears.

“I would storm a Hydra base for you, grocery is nothing.”

There was a pause.

“…Actually,” you said thoughtfully, “maybe I want… a pickle… dipped in whipped cream… wrapped in a pancake.”

Bucky blinked.

Then gave a single, solemn nod. “God help me, I’m going to make that happen.”

He kissed your forehead, stood up, and grabbed his car keys.

And as he headed for the door, you called after him. “Also maybe Funyuns! And a tub of cookie dough! And not the fucking off-brand kind this time, Barnes!”

“On it!” He shouted, already gone like a soldier on a mission.

You lay back, cradling your bump and grinning faintly. “I’m so hormonal… but I really married a good one.”

From the hallway, his muffled voice shouted back, “I heard that and I love you too, even if you make me cry once a week during snack hour!”

Damn super soldier senses, you thought.

Twenty-nine minutes later.

That’s how long Bucky had been gone. Not long, really.

Just enough for him to hit the local store, argue with a teenager over the last tub of name brand cookie dough and Google whether whipped cream counts as a dairy product or a “condiment”.

He was now juggling three overstuffed grocery bags, a wild-eyed expression and what looked like a pint of pickles wedged under one arm.

And when he finally kicked open the front door, all heroic and breathless, he was immediately hit with…

Sniffling?

Crying?

Whimpering?

“Y/N?” He called cautiously, kicking the door shut with his foot as he balanced the bags. “Sweetheart, I’m back! I brought, like… everything? Including that nightmare pancake idea? You said syrup optional… I got both. We can build the monstrosity together…”

The only reply was a soft, hiccupping sob from the couch.

Bucky dropped the bags like they were hot and darted over. “Hey… hey… hey what happened? Are you okay? Did the baby do a backflip again? Is it the indigestion thing? Oh my god, did I forget the non-dairy whipped cream?”

You sat curled up in a blanket burrito, red-eyed and nose running, clutching his hoodie to your face like it was a lifeline.

As soon as you saw him, your lip wobbled.

“I missed you,” you whispered in a teary voice that sounded like a Disney princess on the verge of collapse.

Bucky blinked. “I was gone for twenty-nine minutes.”

“It felt like a year,” you wailed, dramatically flopping onto your side. “And I was mean to you and I yelled and I said the Pop-Tart was disgusting and it wasn’t… it was fine… and I love you and I’m so sorry. I cried into your hoodie because it still smells like you!”

He gently perched on the edge of the couch, eyes soft. “You cried into my hoodie?” Bucky snorted and reached over to smooth your hair back, his touch gentle and warm. “I forgive you, doll… only because you’re very cute and very hormonal and carrying my future tiny assassin in there.”

You sniffled and wrapped your arms around his middle, burying your face in his belly. “I was just so sad and I didn’t know why. And then you were gone and I thought… what if you got hit by a car because you were thinking about pancake pickles and now I’m a widow and still hungry?”

Bucky tried very hard not to laugh. “Well… I did almost get hit in the parking lot. But it was because I dropped the whipped cream and chased it into traffic.”

You looked up at him, appalled. “Bucky Barnes!”

“What? I thought it was the fancy kind! You don’t disrespect fancy whipped cream.”

You blinked at him for a moment… then burst into laughter through your tears. It was the sort of laugh that turned into more sobbing halfway through, but Bucky just held you tighter and let you do both all over his shirt.

Once you’d calmed down, and maybe blown your nose a little too aggressively into his sleeve, he pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“Okay… here’s the plan. I’ll make you the pickle pancake horror food,”

“With whipped cream,” you murmured against his chest.

“Obviously. I am a man of taste.”

“...And a tub of cookie dough?”

“The real stuff, babe. I tackled a guy for it.”

You looked up with teary eyes. “You tackled someone for me?”

“I lightly bumped him with the cart.”

You clutched his face and kissed his cheek like he’d just saved the planet. “You’re my hero.”

“I try,” he said dramatically, pulling the blanket tighter around you both. “Now… are you going to help me cook the Frankenstein meal or just cry while I assemble it?”

“I’ll probably cry,” you admitted, already tearing up again. “But I’ll cheer you on.”

“Deal.”

And with that, James Buchanan Barnes shuffled into the kitchen like a very tired raccoon in love, muttering to himself about pancake ratios and whether or not syrup counted as a hate crime in this context.

You smiled softly, hands on your belly.

The baby was probably wondering why it felt like a reality show in there, but it was home.

And it was full of love.

And whipped cream.

And maybe, just maybe… a slightly too charred pickle pancake.

Ten minutes later.

The kitchen looked like a cooking show hosted by a sleep deprived raccoon and filmed during a windstorm.

Bucky stood at the stove, frowning at a frying pan like it had personally betrayed him. He was still in his jeans, now wearing a dish towel over his shoulder like a professional chef or a dad from a 90s sitcom who just burned dinner.

"Okay," he muttered to himself, flipping the pancake with the concentration of someone disarming a bomb. “One warm and golden pancake.”

He glanced at the counter, where a line-up of very questionable ingredients waited.

Pickles? Check.

Whipped cream? Check.

Syrup? Optional, but included for the brave.

You? Sitting at the kitchen island with a pillow under your bump, watching him like he was cooking the final meal before his execution.

“I just want to say,” Bucky said slowly, “…this is an act of love. If I die tonight, tell Steve I went out honorably.”

You sniffed, hand on your belly. “If this goes wrong, I’m blaming you. I never should’ve said the word pancake. That’s where it all started.”

He gently placed the pancake on a plate and added a generous squirt of whipped cream then, holding his breath,rested on it a big and sour pickle. Then, like a final insult to logic, he drizzled maple syrup across the top.

You blinked. “Bucky. That looks like a war crime.”

“I know.” He turned, holding the plate solemnly like it was a cursed artifact. “I’m going to eat it with you.”

Your eyes widened. “You don’t have to-”

“No, I do.” He sliced the monstrosity in half, handed you the less-drenched side, and picked up a fork like it was a weapon.

You both stared at the halves.

Silence.

“I’m scared,” you whispered.

“Me too,” he whispered back.

Together, in synchronized doom, you each took a bite.

You chewed.

He chewed.

You blinked.

He blinked.

The baby did a single slow kick as if to say “what fresh hell is this?”

“…So?” Bucky asked, eyes glassy.

“It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever had.” You admitted, mouth full. “It’s kinda… weirdly satisfying?”

Bucky looked like he’d seen another plane of existence. “I think my tongue just had a panic attack.”

You smiled softly and took another bite. “It’s crunchy and sweet and gross but like… fine?.”

“Like me,” Bucky said with a proud shrug.

You swallowed, then leaned over and kissed his cheek. “You’re the best husband ever… forced to eat cursed food.”

He wiped imaginary tears from his eyes. “I take that as the highest compliment.”

Despite the messy pancake and the impending digestive regret, the two of you sat there sharing abominable bites holding hands across the table and laughing every time he gagged a little but kept eating anyway.

When you’re in love, sometimes the most romantic thing someone can do is eat a whipped cream wrapped pickle pancake without blinking.

And maybe go back for seconds.

Maybe.

“Why do you still live there? It’s so far from here.” Sam asked Bucky on the jet, coming back from a mission.

“Yeah pal,” Steve adjusted his shield. “It’s far and you always have something to do.”

Bucky looked down at his boots.

He liked that place, the cozy condo he found four or five block away from the Avengers’ Tower, but he loved even more his neighbor.

“It’s somewhere I can wind down… you know how I am…” Bucky gulped, worried about saying something more than what he wanted. “It’s also cheap and there’s no Tony Stark pumping heavy metal in the morning.” He smirked.

The billionaire laughed snorting at the cockpit near Nat.

The remaining journey back home was quiet and peaceful, everyone thought about what to do within the next couple of days of rest.

Once the jet landed on the tower’s platform, Bucky packed his bag and headed out.

He always walked from the tower to his condo. He liked the night air and the dark atmosphere around him. He passed in front of a florist, and like every time he did, he thought of coming home to you with a big bouquet of roses. He saw in his mind the happiness on your face, your arms linked to his neck and your body pressed to his.

The reality was way more different.

You were on his floor, your door right in front of his. Some hello every now and then, a wave of hand if you saw him while being on the phone. He would never forget how your eyes widened the first time you saw him.

You recognized him immediately.

Bucky Barnes, the former Winter Soldier, on your floor.

Broad shoulders, wide chest, blue eyes and dark brown hair. A cheeky but shy smile when he presented even if that wasn’t necessary.

You run into your apartment, not wanting to face him and Bucky immediately got it.

You were scared of him.

Again, the reality was different.

Once you run into your apartment, you rested your back against the door. Chest moving up and down, a hand on your heart trying to calm it down. Your lower lip crushed between your teeth.

Bucky Barnes was by far the most handsome and hottest man you’ve ever seen.

Your body reacted immediately, like on autopilot, and you clenched your legs.

In the following days, you took a peek in the peephole trying to figure his routine.

Bucky did the same with you, but you had very different habits.

Bucky at five in the morning always headed out for his morning run. You preferred sleep.

Around nine, you finally woke up. Shower and a light breakfast and then straight to your office. At the same time he usually took his shower after his four hours of cardio and exercises.

Having different habits and routines, and not seeing you both as much, made it even more weird when you both got locked in the elevator.

People were supposed to know your neighbors and the fact he was taking more space with his body made you tremble.

Bucky got that as fear.

He saw you in the corner of the elevator, trapped and scared. He tried to make himself little bit but of course it was impossible.

He was a super soldier, six feet tall and 200+ pounds. His shoulders took all the space and he shuffled in his feet uncomfortably and ashamed of his past.

In your head tho, the reality was the total opposite.

You looked at him, finally not from a peephole. It seemed that his shoulders almost asked you to grab them, to rest your tights on them while he ate you out while grabbing his locks. You took a moment to admire his metal arm. You noticed how he tried to pull down the sleeve, trying to cover even the hand.

You took your sweet time admiring his lips. They seemed so soft and full. Imaging them on your skin made you shiver more.

His eyes were the thing you loved more. They were usually so shiny and bright. A blue so intense you found yourself staring at them in pictures once you found out he was your neighbor.

The great Bucky Barnes. The man turned into a weapon and then finally a hero with all the recognition he deserved.

You suspected he wouldn’t like being recognized like the Winter Soldier and so you preferred waving at him from the distance and simply saying hello to him.

“Sucks being stuck here, right?” You tried to asked him.

He hummed nodding.

“Okay,” you whispered crossing your arms on your chest. “So… do you like it here?”

“It’s fine.”

This time, you nodded without speaking.

You saw him in the opposite corner of the elevator far from you, as far as the space allowed.

Suddenly the elevator shook and you lost balance, crushing into his arms. His reflexes were on point like you suspected, as he grabbed you in a second. His flesh arm around your waist and your face against his chest. You inhaled his intoxicating smell. You didn’t see it but he smelled your hair too as he was way more taller than you.

“Oh sorry, Bucky.”

You looked up at him.

He looked down at you.

Bucky.

You said his name, so you of course knew him.

You saw the pain in his eyes. The regret of his past conditioning his present.

He removed the arm immediately from you and licked his lips.

“Sorry,” he whispered. “Did it hurt you?” He asked with a low tone.

You were about to reply but the elevators’ door opened. You saw two firefighters opening the heavy and metal door.

“Are you alright guys? Hey,” one of the firefighters removed his helmet. “You’re Bucky Barnes… god… you’re a hero.”

“Yeah… thanks…” Bucky replied shyly.

The firefighter who opened the door immediately helped you to get down since you were blocked between two floors. You refused his hand, and looked for Bucky’s hand. He gave his flesh hand to you, helping you balancing.

You looked at him straight in the eyes while thanking him.

It was now two weeks after being locked in the elevator. Bucky was nowhere to be found. He disappeared three days after.

You heard his door opened during the night and you immediately run towards the peephole. You saw him with his tactical gear and a duffle bag.

Almost a week away, you heard the news.

The Avengers were in a country you barely remember the name, fighting for the world. The local anchorman and cameraman filmed them after a fight.

Dirty, bloody and exhausted.

Bucky appeared on the screen.

Your breath got stuck in your throat.

He was suffering, painfully tired and absolutely handsome. His eyes tired and puffy. His chest moving up and down.

You picked the phone up and took a picture of the screen.

You missed him so much even tho you barely interacted with each other.

You got back on the bed and closed your eyes imagining him coming back.

After another week, he was back. You heard the keys in the door and immediately jumped up from your couch. You swung your door opened as he was about to close his.

“Bucky,” you whispered.

He turned and looked at you.

He didn’t have the same exhausted and dirty look he had on TV the week before, but he had a sad look in his eyes.

“Go back to sleep.”

“No.”

“We barely know each other… you should stay away from me.”

“No.” You replied again.

Bucky moved suddenly and you took a step back flinching at the speed not at him.

He froze.

“See?” He smiled sadly and got inside his apartment.

You run towards the closed door. “Bucky, please… you don’t get it. Open please.”

You kept knocking on his door but he didn’t answer.

He stayed near the door, hearing your knocking and looking at you through the peephole.

After some minutes your eyes were red and tears began to stream on your cheeks.

Bucky died inside seeing you like that, but he kept his facade.

As the days passed, you noticed how he avoided you even more. It looked like he was trying to even avoid getting on the floor the same time as you. At least sometimes you used to meet at the elevator.

He kept his five in the morning run cause he knew you would sleep at that time. He began to notice how the curtain of the living room, perfectly on sight from the street, was closed every time you were out and wide opened when you were in as you took all the natural light possible. He started monitoring the curtain as his personal tracker.

Close safe.

Open not safe.

It was inevitable seeing each other again.

It happened one afternoon after a summer storm. You were back from the office, no umbrella and light dress on. The first thunder made you walk a little bit more faster. As the rain began to pour, you found yourself two blocks ways from the condo.

The water wet your dress, making it cling to your body. Sadly that attracted weird looks from a man waiting on the bus.

You passed in front of the stop, one block from home, and he whistled at you. You kept your face down for not getting an eye contact with the man, and also for shielding your eyes from the rain and wind. You were right in front of your door looking for your keys, sensing his presence approaching.

“Hey beautiful,” the man began. “Why don’t you let me in your home.”

“Get off!”

“Mommy didn’t teach you the manners?” He lifted his arm in the air. You didn’t know what for, because it got stuck in the air.

Turning, you saw something shiny and metallic grabbing the man’s wrist.

Bucky.

You exhaled calming yourself, while your heart kept beating hard in your chest.

“Think you need to go dude.” Bucky said with a lower tone of voice. His eyes almost closed threatening, teeth gnarling and an evil smirk on his face. A wet wall of muscle, probably coming back from a run.

The man completely shuttered.

He nodded quickly and once Bucky left him, he run in the rain.

“Bucky,” you began.

“Did he hurt you?” He asked you worried. “Did he?”

You shook your head, thinking at what could have happened. “Thank you. You’re my hero.” You said opening the door of the hallway.

He looked down, letting you pass in front of him. You noticed he gave a final look at the street before closing the door.

You press the elevators’ button and stood near him. His scent, mixed with the rain, was in the air and you found yourself inhaling all.

The elevator hissed and again he let you pass in front of him. He pushed your floor’s button and rest his back against the wall of the elevator.

His henley stuck to his chest, his hair wet and messy. He passed a hand through them and you took a deep breath.

You turned and pressed your chest against his.

“Don’t talk.”

You pressed your lips against his, lifting yourself on your tip. Your arms circled his neck as your fingers began to play with his hair.

He growled in the kiss and grabbed your hips. You began to press yourself more against him and you felt definitely something getting harder.

“Wait,” Bucky told you. His hands on your shoulders. “Wait… wait… wait.”

Shame and sadness on your face.

You’ve never felt so bad.

Was that meaning he wasn’t interested in you?

Was it all in your head?

Were you the only one feeling the attraction?

“Sorry Bucky… I misjudged apparently…”

You slid away from him.

The elevators’ door opened and you rushed out. Bucky remained blocked and shocked.

You kissed him.

Hardly and passionately and roughly.

He saw you closed the door of your apartment and disappeared.

Why did he told you to wait?

Wait what?

Something more exciting of this?

His body reacted way too good at you but his brain stopped him.

He got back to his home and didn’t let anyone interrupting him.

He moved to the bedroom, cock heavy in his pants. He laid down on the bed while removing pants and underwear. He grabbed his shaft, already hard and leaking. He thought about your face, your hands around his neck and your chest against his.

Your soft and full boobs crushing on his hard pecks. He pressed his metal hand more around the base of his cock, while his mind pictured you in your soaked dress. The fabric clinging to your body like a vision.

He slid his hand up and down more, his thumb gliding on his tip as he felt the pleasure rising in his body.

What he didn’t know in that moment, was that you were doing the same in your bedroom.

You didn’t even take your time to remove the dress, you simply pulled it up around your hips as you sat on the bed. Legs spread opened and your phone on the dresser.

Bucky’s news picture on the screen.

You looked at him. His eyes looked at you as you were able to capture the moment the starred at the camera.

Your hands began to slid down your body. You fingers rolling your nipples pinching them.

Your chest already moving up and down quickly. You spread your legs more, lifting one on the mattress. Your index began to play with your clit, but it wasn’t enough.

Sitting better, you laid down on your elbow and rolled your clit more into your fingers.

“Bucky…” you panted. “Yeah… please…”

You licked two fingers and slid them in your hole. Already worked up, you didn’t need much time.

His picture staring at him was able to let the pleasure rise in you. You grabbed the sheet under you and starred more at the pic. You remembered his chest against yours, how his hands grabbed your hips and his soft and wet hair in your fist.

“Please let me come Bucky…”

“Please let me come Bucky…”

Bucky couldn’t possibly imagining what was happening on the other side of the wall. He suspected over the weeks that your bedroom was right near his and just a wall was separating you. Now he was sure.

He heard your moans after coming down from his high, already worked up enough.

He stood up, letting his clothes fall on the ground and rest naked against the wall. He pressed his forehead on the wall and grabbed his cock hard again.

Being a super soldier with enhanced senses had some flaws but this one was definitely an advantage.

Metal hand on the wall and flesh around his cock, Bucky began to pant and moan again.

He heard all the wetting sound your fingers made. He heard his name coming out of your lips and that made him shiver more.

“Y/N,” he grunted against the wall, punching it as he came again.

It was the first time he said your name out loud.

Everything stopped and he realized it later.

You heard him hearing you.

You stood, unsatisfied, and walked toward the wall. “Bucky?” You asked in the silence of a stormy afternoon.

“Yeah…”

“Can you hear me?”

“Yeah… I can…” his hand still around his cock. He pumped himself more as you spoke.

“Want to help me?” Your hand slid down too. “Why don’t you come here? I’ll opened the door just now…”

Bucky heard your footsteps getting far and even your door unlocking. His sense were so overstimulated that he was aware of everything.

You got back and punch lightly the wall for him. “Here I am… I’m waiting Bucky…”

“I’m ruining you if I’ll come…”

“I’m counting on it…” you breathed out. Your fingers sliding inside you again and Bucky heard the wetting sound he heard before.

He took his short, no underwear, and put them on. “Coming sweetie.”

He didn’t think of putting his shirt on, it wasn’t necessary.

In a second he was inside your apartment.

You scent reached his nostril in a second and he felt his cock hardening even more.

He removed his shorts and began pumping himself again.

“Follow my voice, Bucky…” you told him.

He gulped and licked his lips and indeed followed your voice.

You kept talking to him until you saw him on the edge of your room, naked and hard. He growled when he saw you. He kept pumping himself as you kept sliding in and out your fingers from your pussy.

“How… how could you… po-possibily... hear me…oh my god…”

“Sweetie,” you saw his knuckles getting white as he pressed more. “Super hearing… you made me weak and on alert all the time…”

His cock twitched in his hand.

Naked too and legs spreading on the bed. You back anchored to the mattress as you rested on your elbow. Your hand kept playing with your pussy.

“Why don’t you come here?” You asked in a sexy tone.

He moved like a leopard, precise and fast.

He grabbed your knees and spread your legs even more. He took a look at your glistering pussy before diving in you. His tongue licked a long stripe until his teeth grabbed your tiny and pulsing clit.

“Fuck… Bucky… you’re so good…”

“I know… stay there…” he ordered you.

You tried, really tried, but he was too good and your upper body irreversibly stood a little.

As he felt your core clenching, after began pumping two fingers in you, he stopped.

“Why?” You whined.

“Told ya to stay there. You have to earn it now…”

He looked at you with a smirk, you didn’t feel any ounce of fear, just excitement.

He slid up, reaching for your lips. He dove his tongue in your mouth as his hand kept your chin steady. He bite your lower lip while his all body crushed yours. You felt his fingers still playing with your pussy.

“Bucky… please…” you panted against his mouth.

“You wanna come?” He asked you, kissing your neck.

You nodded.

He looked at you and turned your entire body on the bed.

“Ass up,” he said lightly spanking it. “Are you gonna stay there?”

“YES YES YES… I’LL DO IT…”

“Good girl…”

He kissed your back, still a little wet from the rain in your hair. He grabbed his fat cock and teasing your entrance with his tip. You tried to wiggle a little but you were remembered what he told you with his hand grabbing a little harder your hip. You stopped when you felt him sliding into you.

It stung a little but it immediately transformed into pleasure. You felt every inches of him, stretching you deliciously.

He grabbed your hips both and began to push harder inside you. “God you are made for me…”

“Bucky…” you were able only to pant and moan his name.

“Yeah… that’s my name… scream it loudly…let everyone hearing it…”

“BUCKY!” You screamed as he pull out and push himself inside hardly.

“So beautiful with that dress on it… wait,” he kept pushing inside you. “Is that my face on your phone?”

You froze while he was still pushing into you. In the rush of adrenaline you completely forgot your phone and his picture.

“Can… explain…” you tried to told him in the middle of your moans.

“God,” he lowered more on you, letting your legs buckled and fell on the bed. He crushed you more as he kept pounding in you. “That’s the hottest thing even… I heard my name from your mouth pretty girl…”

“Bucky… please…”

“Yeah… just like that…”

He grabbed a fist of your hair, pulling yourself up on your not so stable knees. He circled an arm around your waist, then rested his palm on your chest letting you up. Your back pressed more against his chest. His cock kept sliding in and out. He felt clenching your muscles and snacked a hand on your clit. His fingers played with your clit.

“God Bucky… I need to come…”

“Come pretty girl… come on my cock…”

Your body reacted in an aggressive rush of pleasure. He let you fell forward, balancing on your elbows. Your ass pushing more against him as he kept pushing and sliding in you walking you through your orgasm.

“I’m coming sweetie…” he rasped, hands grabbing your hips.

“Inside Bucky. I want it inside.”

He let his head fall behind and grunted as he came. Hot spout in you, that he kept inside with his big cock.

He finally slid out of you, resting his forehead on your back. Once he stood, you stopped him.

“Lay down.”

“What?” He asked you confused.

“Do it.”

He did, and laid down on the bed. You knelt on the bed and turned. Bucky began to understand once you straddled his legs.

You lowered your head near his cock, too close.

“Sweetie… you don’t have to…”

“I want to,” you smiled at him. “I really do.”

You pressed a kiss on his tip as he pushed his head more into the pillow. Grabbing the base of his shaft, you began to bob the head on him. He was very well endowed so you had to really hollowed your mouth. His hips jerked up a little as he felt the tip of his cock in the back of your throat.

His hand immediately flew to you head, grabbing a fist of your hair. He wasn’t controlling you, he was guiding you and you wanted to be guided by him.

Already overstimulated, Bucky came again in a few minutes. You let him come into your mouth, greedily swallowing all of him.

You felt on him, arms opened and chest ready to let you sleep on it.

As your skin touched his, he circled you with his arms and caged you against his warm and sweaty body.

He peppered your head of kisses, it was sweet and kind, totally the opposite of what you both did.

“Why did you avoid me, Bucky?”

“It was easier. You’re too pure to be in this with me…”

“But I want to…”

“No, you don’t,” Bucky slid his hand on your back in a gentle caress. “The first time you saw you run away… I know fear when I see it… but it’s not your fault… I mean…”

“OH MY GOD!” You laughed hard and loud. “YOU REALLY THINK THAT?”

Bucky looked at you as you stood naked in front of him.

“Sweetie it’s normal… I get it…”

“Why the hell would you think that after I let you fuck me?”

“Well-” Bucky stopped.

Now that he was thinking, why letting him in your bed if there’s only fear from your side?

“You don’t tremble because I scare you?”

“Bingo,” you replied sarcastically. You took a look at his sad eyes. “Oh god, Bucky I’m sorry… you must sensing fear from people a lot…”

He nodded sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Well,” you said sitting on his tights and circling his neck with your arm. “I am not scarred of you… and the first time I saw you I run inside because I was horny…”

You looked down, right at his cock, and smirked.

“Horny?”

“Yes horny. Weren’t you horny the first time you saw me?”

“I’m always horny when I look at you…”

You turned, straddling his lap. The warm of your pussy touched his cock, hardening it again. You kissed him deeply and hardly. His tongue fought with yours. You snatched a hand between you, grabbing his half hard cock.

A couple of pumps and it was hard fully again.

Keeping kissing him, you let it slid inside you again.

You didn’t move, he didn’t just grab your hips.

He remained there, his cock protected in your warm and welcoming pussy. His metal hand, a little cold treat with the warm temperature in your room, resting on your back keeping you caged against him.

Kissing Bucky was good, maybe too good.

You rolled your lap a little and he grunted in your mouth. The sound made your nipple hardening even more.

He circled his flesh arm around you now, he pressed it against your hips.

You began to move a little, adjusting the position.

“Don’t move please…” he moaned.

You nodded but clenched your muscles. He moaned more, harder and deeper.

Music for your ears.

You did it again and made him come again.

A couple of pushes from under you as he came, made your orgasm approached too.

Hours later, the storm was already a memory from the past.

You convinced him to take a bath with you.

“How could I fit in there?” He asked you confused.

“We’ll make you fit…” you voluntary smirked in an allusive way.

You did made it fit in the tub.

His back completely against the end of the tub. His long and big legs spread opened. The right one completely out, resting his calf on the edge of the tub.

You sat in the middle of his legs, grazing his cock on more.

“Sweetie, you need to behave…”

“No.”

You laid down, back to his chest.

Your torso completely on him.

You took his arm and circled your collarbone with it.

“Are you sure it’s okay for you, sweetie?”

“More than okay, Bucky.” You said, eyes closed.

His metal fingers grazed your forehead, sliding out of your cheek some wet locks of hair.

“Can I wash your hair?” Bucky asked whispering.

“Of course, Bucky.”

You sat better, feeling already the loss of his chest to your back. You stretched your arm on the other edge of the tub, where some bottles stood there.

“Here,” you said, turning to him slightly. “Here’s the shampoo.”

He took the bottle as it was made of glass, then squeezed out a little amount of shampoo. Lathering between his hands, he makes the foam.

Once his fingers were on your scalp, you moaned.

“God… your so good…”

You heard him taking a deep breath.

“Mmh... Bucky… just like that…”

“Sweetie please…” he fought the urge to pull your head toward him and kissing you.

“I love this.”

“Yeah,” he snorted. “Figured…”

As he washed and rinse your hair, and even untangled them, you turned to him.

“Your turn…”

“What? How…”

“Don’t worry.”

You took the same little amount of shampoo and lathered it too.

You began washing his hair, and then you pulled his head toward your chest.

“Stay there.”

Bucky rested his face on your boobs, the best pillow he could get. They lightly giggled as you move your arm on his head.

He found himself cupping them with his both hands.

“Sorry,”

“Don’t say sorry. Do it again.”

He did.

Light and soft touch. He took care of them as he took care of you before.

His fingertips rolling your nipples making you deep breathes.

Once you rinsed his hair, he kissed your chest.

“I can get used to this, sweetie.”

“You have to get used to it.”

You kissed him, he circled your waist and pulled you against him slouching some water out the tub.

Thinking of the question from Steve about how he preferred living there, well… now he had a real answer.

“I’m telling you,” Bucky said smiling. “This is gonna be huge… Tony is gonna throw the party of the year…”

Oh dear Bucky, you said in your mind.

Bucky, your dear and most loyal friend. The man with a metal arm and tons of issue with the modern world and the coffee machine.

“I swear she hates me,” he said one time, referring to the coffee machine.

“She hates you.” You replied mocking him. “You do know she doesn’t have a soul nor a brain so she can’t hate you?”

You always smiled thinking back at that moment. 

“You have to come… c'mon it’s been ages since we saw your pretty face with us outside work…”

Work… if being an avenger could be defined just as work.

The reality wasn’t so easy to get, especially for Bucky.

The coffee machine incident was almost three years ago, when you swore to yourself that no other man could be even remotely made you happy like him. Yes, you had a big crush on the super soldier but now every morning you woke up near Mark.

You forgot how you and Mark met.

Friend of a friend?

Someone you saved during a mission?

Casual encounter in the park with the dog you kept for a week for a Shield’s agent?

You completely cancelled everything the first he hit you.

A slap on your face, strong and calculated. The trace of his fingerprints on your cheek. That day, listening to his reason, he was forced because you got back home late for dinner.

“I was waiting while you were out playing costumes with your friends. I expect a warm and ready dinner the second I’m in,”

You laughed, thinking he was pranking you then he moved closer raising his arm. His dark and angry eyes targeting you, his slim figures appearing gigantic with anger. It burned where his hand hit, but it wasn’t burning like the humiliation of being an avenger slapped by him.

“Kitchen. Now.”

Not recognising yourself, you moved to the kitchen. Moving on autopilot, you took some pots and pans and began to make something. You didn’t cry even if he wouldn’t hear form the couch. You stared at the backsplash of the kitchen. Your lower lip trembled but you regained immediately your composure.

Without speaking, you served him something and walked fast toward the bedroom. In your en-suite bathroom, you opened the shower jumping in without waiting for the hot water. An ice cold stream of water hit your head. Resting the forehead on the glass door, you silently cried.

After that slap, Mark began to hit more and more.

Someone made him angry at work? Slap.

A deal with a client went wrong? Slap.

You not in the mood for sex of something else? Slap before taking advantage of your body.

You didn’t react anymore. You were sadly used to Mark’s behaviour.

The worse in this scenario, was having to lie to your colleagues. Especially to Bucky.

It was a random Friday. The big party Bucky begged you to come was gone. That night, your phone was beeping non stop for the messages you were receiving.

Giirllllll… so many alcohol in here, Nat wrote

I swear this chick wants me, Sam said

I’m sorry for Sam’s messages, Steve texted you.

Btw that lady was really looking at him, he wrote in a second text.

Doll, I miss you here…, Bucky simply wrote.

You smiled at Steve text, and deeply exhaled at Bucky’s one.

Mark of course noticed it. “Your boyfriend’s texting you?” He said, anger already sensed in his tone.

“You know it’s not my boyfriend…” you replied tired, omitting the sadly.

“Bet you’d like tho,” he stood up. “Look at me when I talk to you!”

You kept your eyes down.

He moved closer.

In a rush you felt your hair pulled up, closed in his fist.

“MARK STOP! IT HURTS!”

“As it should you slut. You’re all day with him… I know you’re fucking when you’re together,” he said, closing his fist more on your hair. “HE. CAN’T. HAVE. YOU.”

You moved your legs and kicked him, he lost the grip for a second and you tried to slid out of his presence but you miscalculated and trip on the rug. Coming closer from behind, he gripped your ankle and pulled your toward himself.

Imagining the scene from the outside, the shame of being treated like this grew in you.

You defeated Thanos, aliens and every kind of creatures but now your so called boyfriend was the one hitting you, making you feel like a little and scared girl. The pressure on your ankle didn’t fade, he gripped it even harder and yanked you more. When he was right above you, he left your ankle not before sitting on your lower back.

“Think you need a lesson…”

You tried to shake him off you but in that moment he was way stronger. The fear and panic blocking you. You heard him playing with the belt, sliding it off his trouser and smacking on the floor.

“I’m sure he’s into this type of game so…”

He didn’t finish the phrase, or maybe you blocked out his voice. You only heard the belt ringing into your ear, stinging on your legs. You tuned a little and you see the anger and yet satisfaction in his eyes.

He made the belt swinging behind him, hitting you again. “You like it just as you like it with him?”

You begged him to stop, to free you but he was completely blind by his anger. You tried to explain, again, how you and Bucky weren’t a thing if not just coworkers and friends. He stopped only when he was tired of swinging the belts in the air, leaving you there on the floor crying and sobbing. You tried to touch the parts where he hit you but the pain was unbearable.

After he left the apartment, you stood up crying more from the pain. You reached the bedroom and picked some clothes with a bag. After waiting some times, you got out. Since you were too ashamed, you choose an hotel near the tower and after a quick check in, you entered in the room.

Throwing yourself on the bed you cried more.

Violently and uncontrollably.

In the meanwhile at the tower, a very worried super soldier kept his eyes on the elevator all night. Phone in his hand and ear ready trying to hear every kinda of possible noise. Bucky recently noticed something was off. You smiled less, during mission you much more stiffened and most importantly, he swore you flinched after breaking accidentally a glass some days before.

Something is off, he thought.

The next day, after blocking Mark’s number, you reached the tower.

“Here she is,” Nat said, hugging you. You didn’t know how you could control the pain you felt. “The party was phenomenal… you are definitely gonna be in the next one. No objections.”

You simply nodded. You reached the common room, where the other avengers were standing finishing the meeting for the upcoming mission. Everyone cheered seeing you but Bucky’s eyes stayed on you for a long time.

It wasn’t a mystery you lived far from the tower, but they didn’t know about your relationship. You and Mark lived in your apartment in which he moved immediately.

Once you also got ready, carefully getting dressed in a separate room, you reached the others. When you entered the hangar where the jet was waiting, Bucky circled your shoulders and kissed your temple.

“Missed you yesterday doll,” he said, resting his cheek on your head. “You’re okay?”

You hummed yes and untangled from him.

The mission should have been easy.

Enter. 

Eliminate all the threats. 

Getting on the jet again and spending the night drinking a lot of beer in the common area.

So easy… until it wasn’t.

A grenade exploded right behind the warehouse, fortunately not hitting the jet. An explosion so big and loud that everybody was laying on the ground, ears ringing and throat burning.

“Is everybody alright?” Steve shouted, standing in a quick jump.

“Yeah…” Sam said limping.

“Kinda.” Tony exclaimed checking everybody’s vitals with his sensors.

“Okay.” Nat shouted, croaking his neck.

“Here pal,” Bucky replied. He stood attaching his arm on his shoulder. “Where’s Y/N?” He asked worried.

In the distance, you heard Bucky’s voice. He sounded so worried, for you. The back of your thighs burning from the day before. The ankle Mark crushed in hand was now hurting since you fell on it. You tried to stand failing miserably.

“Doll,” Bucky said running to you. “Here let me help you…” he moved closer to you followed by the team.

“No… I can do it myself… just take my hand…”

Knowing Bucky he was already ready to pick you up, but the idea of his arm under your legs made you tremble. He couldn’t know what happened, let alone knowing you had a toxic relationship.

In that moment, you thought that not telling the team nor Bucky about Mark, was a signal about how wrong it was all the situation.

“C'mon doll, you need help.” He snorted.

“I SAID JUST FUCKING TAKE MY HAND!”

Everything stopped.

Tony, Steve, Nat and Sam blinked trying to look anywhere but you.

Bucky froze. His eyes went down, slightly wet.

“Doll…”

“Please take my hand and stop talking,” you begged him. Your tone now low, sweet almost whispered.

He took your hand and you limped, he resisted the urge to circled your waist. You saw the pain in his eyes, but he kept his mouth shout.

No one dared to speak in the jet.

Bucky saw how you limped on the jet and how you laid on your side. You did that just because your thighs couldn’t handle your weight on them. When you arrived, you held Bucky’s arm without hesitation. He of course helped you.

Again, no one talked when you all entered in the compound.

You untangled from Bucky, looking at him.

You both took the elevator since your rooms were on the same floor. Entering the room you were barely using since living with Mark, you checked the phone, miraculously not broke from the explosion. You saw a voice message from Mark, and you played it.

Bitch… I swear the moment I found you I’m gonna break you so hard you can for-

“The fuck was that?” A voice behind you exclaimed.

Bucky.

You flinched and turned noticing the slightly ajar door. You pushed the phone in your pocket in a second.

“Doll,” he fought for keeping his tone controlled. “What was that?”

“Bucky… you don’t get… it’s nothing I swear…”

“Nothing? You wanna tell me that was nothing? Are you out of your mind?”

You didn’t know what to say. Bucky heard Mark’s message. He heard everything and now he was standing in front of you, hand closed in a fist while the metal one screeched. You moved to the bed limping, feeling his eyes on you. It burned when you sat.

“He’s Mark,” you said looking down. “My boyfriend…” you didn’t dare to look up.

“Your boyfriend? Wait… you have a boyfriend?”

Feeling his eyes on you, you nodded. “He’s not my boyfriend anymore… at least I hope…”

In a rush of laughter, you snorted. Every kind of emotions busted in you.

“Why the secret?” He asked you.

“Don’t know,” you whispered. You did know the reason but you weren’t ready to say it. Bucky couldn’t stand it.

“How the fuck you couldn’t know? It’s your fucking life…”

Hearing Bucky’s voice, made you angry. “You wanna know why? Because I’m fucking ashamed…” you stood abruptly. “Ashamed of your reaction… of being a fucking avenger but getting hit with a fucking belt-”

“A fucking belt? He hit you?”

Panic rushed in your body. You didn’t mean to say it and let Bucky know about it. “No… wait… I-I didn’t mean it like that…”

“And how did you mean it?”

You looked down again, while the tears began to run on your face. You legs began to burn again as you sat.

“Did he hit you?” Bucky asked calmly.

“Buck…”

“DID. HE. FUCKING. HIT. YOU?”

“Yes.”

Bucky jumped out of your room. A movement so quick you almost didn’t see him.

“BUCKY PLEASE WAIT…” you limped behind him.

He run toward the elevator, beating you. You waited for the closed one and once it was there you rushed into it. When the door opened, you caught a glimpse of Bucky’s voice in the common room.

“Stark! Look every fucking camera in this fucking city and find whoever was near Y/N-”

“Bucky what? Are you high?” Tony laughed, but immediately stopped seeing Bucky's face.

“BUCKY BARNES STOP!” You yelled.

“Can everybody explain?” Tony asked very much confused.

“Y/N,” Bucky exhorted you.

Sensing everybody’s eyes on you, you picked the phone from the pocket. Mark’s voice ringing into the silent common area.

Bitch I swear the moment I found you I’m gonna break you so hard you can forget your fucking weirdos avengers and that stupid assassin of yours.

You closed your eyes in the end. Bucky in your room made you pause the message but now you, and everybody else, heard it.

You explained everything.

How Mark seemed pretty normal or at least that was what you remembered since the trauma made you erased him from your mind. You now pictured only the pain, the humiliation and the loss of your freedom.

Nat was ready to fight just as Sam, Steve and Tony.

Bucky was calm, too calm. Knowing him, you knew he was already memorised his tone of voice ready to track him down in the streets if needed.

“Did he really hit you with a belt?” Sam asked.

You nodded. Again, you told them how you spent the night in a hotel after you escaped him. “It was easier like that… the mission today…”

“HOW CAN YOU FUCKING SAY THIS WAS EASIER. YOU SHOULD HAVE COME TO ME FOR GOD’S SAKE. I FUCKING LOVE YOU Y/N,”

You stopped breathing.

“You love me?” You asked shocked.

“Cmon, Y/N everybody knows this,” Bucky said looking down.

You saw around you the others nodding. You looked at Bucky. His head bent down, his eyes locked on the floor and his both hands closed into fists.

In your mind there were only the things Bucky did for you and thinking about it, it was pretty obvious. He always remembered your coffee order, the way you ate your sandwich or the books you liked more. It was when you decided to move closer to him, that you all hear a voice.

“I fucking knew it!”

Mark.

In the tower.

In the common room.

“I knew it. No one has your freaking relationship without any feelings…”

Feeling again scared and little you moved behind Bucky, who put already himself in front of you. As he turned looking at Mark, he gulped. He actually never saw Bucky in real life. He knew of course who he was and what he did in the past but seeing him there in real life was another thing.

Tall, broad shoulders, dirt and blood on him from the mission. He was intimidating and he knew it.

Bucky moved toward Mark, maybe too fast because Mark stumbled on his feet. He felt down, looking Bucky up from the floor. A coward in his natural state, eyes wide opened. Panic and fear rushing through him.

“Did you hit her?” Bucky asked him calmly, making him way more terrifying.

“I…I…” Mark stumbled and stuttered.

“So?” Bucky asked again, lowering near Mark. “Did you?”

“Yes.”

“Why did you,” Bucky smiled. A smile tight and fake but surely effective on Mark. “In fact… I don’t care why you did it,” he said that keeping his composure but then he snapped.

In a second Bucky stood. Six feet tall, 200 and more pounds standing there in front of a scared little man. He grabbed Mark by the collar of his shirt with his metal hand. He kept him in the air, Mark’s legs swinging in the air. Bucky pressed his hand more on his neck, causing Mark’s face to change colour into a reddish shadow.

Seeing this, you realised how stupid you were.

Fearing a man like this?

Being treated like that?

And then you took a look at Bucky. The man you thought was only your friend, the one who was now defending you and giving him a lesson.

Bucky, sensing your eyes on himself, turned his head. His sweet blue eyes made a strong contrast with what he was doing to Mark.

He looked again at his target, held locked in his hand and threw him onto the floor. Mark coughed touching his neck. Bucky walked closer, lowering near him.

“If I ever saw you near her again,” he looked Mark with a firm glance. “I’ll kill you.”

Ever the loser, Mark nodded.

As he was about to stand, Bucky talked again. “Steve,”

“Yes pal?” Steve replied immediately.

“Call the police please.”

“On it.” Steve said, as Nat approached Mark.

In a bunch of minutes the police arrived and cuffed Mark, pressing charges against him for domestic violence and abuse. Nat asked the policemen to escort him at the station. You didn’t really know if she brought him at the station. Steve, Tony and Sam hugged you one by one whispering sweet thing to you.

You were now alone in the common room with Bucky.

“Buck,” you started. “I can explain…”

“Don’t,” he stopped you raising his hand. “Why didn’t you tell me anything?”

You looked down. “I was scared of your reaction,” you admitted. “Scared of what you might have said…”

“I should have killed him. I was going to… but I stopped…”

You knew why he stopped. Killing a man with his metal hand, keeping him in the air. Too many resembles to his previous life as the Winter Soldier.

“You were defending me,” you said as you moved closer.

“I spend my life defending you… and I’m not gonna stop,” he moved too.

Now you were face to face, chest to chest, the tip of his nose touching your head as he kissed your forehead. You looked up at him, towering over you. You took his head between your hands and pulled him down. Your lips touched his, just a peck until he deepened the kiss. His tongue playing with yours, his hands gripping your waist pulling impossibly close to him.

You felt his heartbeat against yours. Circling his neck with your arms, you breathed in him as he did the same with you. He tightened his press on your waist, lifting you in the air. As he was about to hold you from your legs, you hummed against his lips.

“Buck,” you said out of breath. “Not there please,”

He looked at you, calming his breath too. “Is your stomach okay?”

You looked at him confused but smiling. “I guess…”

“In that case,” Bucky said before lifting you from the waist and gently holding on his shoulder. Your stomach touching his shoulder as he circled your waist to kept you there.

“Right,” you snorted.

He walked you through the compound toward your bedroom. He gently put you down and stood there in front of you. The dirt and dust of the mission still on your bodies.

“I’ll let you take a shower,”

“Stay.”

“Doll, I don’t think it’s the right time.”

“Stay.”

He looked at you, trying to find any trace of doubts. He couldn’t. You knew what you were asking. He knew you were letting him see the pain Mark gave you.

“Okay.”

He stood in the bathroom, looking at you. “You don’t have to show me anything, doll.”

“I want to.”

You began to undress yourself. First the boots came off, then socks and belt. Your fingers rested a little on the shirt. After removing it, you stayed there in front of him with your bra on.

Bucky, always the most skilled spy in the room, immediately noticed some bruises on your hips. You noticed how he looked at your hips and began to unzip your tactical pants.

He wasn’t ready for that.

He noticed at some bruises on your arm, due to the mission and the explosion but looking down he flinched. Your ankle had a handprint on it, purple and dark. Giving him no time to reply, you turned showing him your back thighs.

Red whips landed on your meat. The skin a little puffy, painful and horrible to look at.

“That’s why…” he gulped. “That’s why you didn’t want me to hold you…”

You were naked in front of a fully clothed man and you were at ease. It was Bucky, your Bucky.

He could have took a look at your body but he concentrated only on the bruises Mark left on you. You only nodded.

“C’mon,” he said exhaling. “I’ll help you in the shower.”

He removed boots and socks and belt first, just as you did. When he stood back up again, his eyes never left yours. He took out the edge of his black shirt from his pants, removing it so damn fast that you didn’t even lost connection with his eyes. He moved closer, shirtless and barefoot, only his pants on him. “You don’t need to see if you’re not okay with this…”

You looked at him, at his eyes and caressed a cheek. “You don’t know how much I’m okay with this,”

He smiled at you and unzipped his pants. His boxer did absolutely nothing to hide the excitement. “Sorry,” he smiled sheepishly, covering his bulge.

“No,” you took his hand away. “No need to hide,”

He nodded and slid out of his boxer.

He stood there in all his glorious glory and strength. Broad shoulders and wide chest. His pecs perfectly sculpted along with his abs. His metal arm, shining with the bathroom lights.

“Turn the light off Bucky,” you said while he looked at you confused. “I wanna feel you before seeing you.”

He almost lost the balance, but immediately turned off the light.

It wasn't completely dark in the bathroom due to the big window with the city lights reflecting on it. 

You felt Bucky shifting, coming back in front of you. You saw a glimpse of his arm in the dark, sensing his natural and intoxicating smell too. Raising your arm you caressed his abs, then raising up against his body until his pecs. When you rested the other hand too, he took a deep breathe.

“Doll,” 

“What?” You asked, moving closer until your skin touched his. “Don't you like it?” 

He was liking it, maybe too much. His cock twiched in the air, and when your thigh barely touched his tip he lost it for real. 

Grabbing your neck with his metal hand, he pulled you toward him. He kissed you like his life depended on that kiss. His fingers tangling in your hair while his flesh hand grabbed your hip. “God, sorry… tell me if this is too much…” 

“It's not even enough Buck…” 

He growled against your mouth circling your waist with his arm. He lifted you in a second, keeping you against him. His arm only touched your waist, so your legs could be free to dangle. 

“You're so fucking beautiful, doll…” he panted in your mouth. “I should have killed him… but I didn't… i'm gonna spend my life protecting you.” 

“Bucky…” your words died in your throat as his tongue dove more into your mouth. He was starving. 

In Bucky's mind, while his tongue devoured your mouth, there were only the pain of knowing you alone somewhere near that man. His hands on your body. Bucky hugged you a little more. 

“Buck,” you said pulling out for a second. “I'm not going anywhere…” 

“Oh god,” he said realizing what he was doing. “I'm sorry… did I hurt you?” He whispered putting you back on the floor. 

“What? No! God, no.”

He released a breathe, locked in his throat when eh asked you if he hurted you. 

You smiled at him, moving closer again. You pressed your mouth on his chest, as he push his head behind. His arms remained still at both of his sides. You smiled more and took both of his arm, linking them on your waist.

“I need to take control tonight, Buck… would you let me?” 

“God yes. Please take control on me.” 

Bucky knew you needed it to regain your trust in a man but he couldn't lie to himself, or to you if you ever had asked, that he was turned on by the idea of ​​being bossed around especially by you.

You knelt on the floor, his knees buckled a little. He found again his balance grabbing the counter. 

You hand began to grab the base of his shaft, sliding it up and down. A slow but very effective movement. You thumb worked on his tip. As you saw him closing his eyes, you kissed the tip of his cock. 

“Doll,” 

“Relax and let me…” 

You took his cock in your mouth. Bucky towering over you, his eyes locked on yours. You winked at him and in a rush of pleasure he lifted his hand in the air. You got it immediately and nodded. He rested his hand on your head, fingers tangled in your hair guiding and not controlling. It took him a few more minutes to feel the pleasure raising in his body. 

“Doll please… I don't wanna come in your mouth…” 

“I do.” You replied sucking him more. 

That wrecked him as he came in your mouth. Once he came down from his high, you stood and swallowed all. 

He kissed your lips, starving again. His hands both at the sides of your face keeping you there. 

“Turned around.” He ordered you. 

You nodded smiling and turning. 

Resting your palms on the countertop, you spread your legs. Bucky stayed still for a second, looking at the red whips on your body. He fully stood, chest to your back. Moving your hair, he kissed your neck almost sweetly and devotionally.

“I'm sorry this happened to you, doll.” 

“It's not your fault, Buck.” 

You pushed your head behind, hitting his shouder. It was almost a romantic scene. Two lovers getting back after a fight. 

His hands roamed on your skin, you noticed in the reflection of the mirror. His fingers delicately grazed your stomach, then your belly button making you snort and then he moved them down. Gently caressing your folds at first. You felt a wave of pleasure almost immediately and you pushed yourself more against him. His metal hand circled your waist as his flesh one began playing with your clit. 

“Little precious thing here,” he pinched a little, not hurting you. He felt the wetnees of your core. “Is that all for me?” 

“You know it is, Barnes…”

He lifted your leg on the counter, waiting for a stop from you. You didn't stop him of course.

“Is this…?” 

“It is, Buck.” 

He knelt on the floor, behind you. He kissed the red part on your skin. You flinched a little when the tip of his tongue licked a puffy part on the back of your thighs. You should have stopped him but he was way better than any cream. 

“Please do that again…” you panted. 

“Like this?” He said before licking a stripe on your skin. “Or this?” He kissed the same spot. 

You slouched yourself on the counter, forehead almost touching the mirror. Bucky, behind you, kisse for the last time your thigh. 

He moved fast and efficient. In a second you felt the tip of his tongue in your pussy. 

“Buck!” You yelled. 

“Let me,” 

He dove into your pussy, licking everything he could. He bite your folds and clit a little, your knees menaced to fall but Bucky's arm was pretty secure around your waist. 

His tongue, strong and raw, devoured you. He was good at this and you suspected he knew that. 

“Best day ever, doll.” He said against your core. 

It was now your turn to clench around him. He felt the muscles in your pussy moving, so he inserted a finger too.

“Bucky!” You yelled moaning. 

He pumped his finger in you as his tongue continued his journey. You came on his tongue yelling his name. You turned for a second, grabbing his hair. He moaned and groaned as you pulled his hair more. 

As you came down from your orgasm, keeping his face in you for a second more, you feel on the counter. 

Bucky stood behind you, caging you between his body and the sink. He rested his forehead in the middle on your back. 

“I fucking love you, doll. I'm tired of pretending I don't. I wanna spend my life with you.” 

You smiled as a tear escaped from your eye. “I love you too Bucky. I wanna spend my life with you too…” 

He hugged you, still towering over you. “Let's have that shower.” 

You nodded. 

Entering in the shower, he opened the water. When the stream, not too hot due to your skin, hit the both of you. His body covered you from the direct stream of water. He remained for a second fixing your face. 

“What?” You asked smiling. 

He kissed you with the same damn hunger he had since entering your room. He pushed you more against the wall. 

“Buck,” you asked against his lips.

He hummed. 

“Pick me up and fuck me…” 

“Doll… your legs… what?” 

“PICK. ME. UP. AND. FUCK. ME.” 

He looked at you and hs eyes got darker. He picked you up in a second, weight like a feather in his arms. His hands on your thighs did infact burn but you couldn't care less. Keeping his mouth on yours, he slid inside you in a singular movement. He stayed there fronzen from the pleasure, still keeping you up. When you looked at him nodding, he began to move. 

His thrusts were precise, deep and able to reach every part of you. 

Your nails grabbed him more, on his shoulders. His face went direct in the crook of your neck, hiding himself.

“Can't last, doll… too perfect…” 

“Come inside…” 

He quickened his movements as he felt your core clenching around him. You wanted to keep him inside you forever. 

You felt his warm release in you and you hugged him tighter. 

He held you with his metal arm as his flesh one went on the wall to balance himself. After regaining it, he moved it on your face. He traced the edge of your lips, playing with the lower lips. 

He was still inside you when he stopped trembling. 

He put your down, still keeping you from your waist the proceeded to wash your body and hair. He quickly did his too, soldier efficienty. 

Once he rinsed yoo both, he opened the shower's door and grabbed the fluffiest towel he could. He delicately patted your skin. 

“On the counter… rest on your elbow…” he said blushing. 

“Again?" You asked smirking

“Uh, no…” he blushed more. “I'll apply the cream… if you want…” 

“Oh,” you smiled at his shyness. 

You perched your body on the sink, propping up your ass as he applied the cream. 

“Behave.” He ordered with the less intimidating voice ever. 

“Okay…” 

Once he finished, you felt the relief on your skin. He massagged your thighs with gentle hands, too gentle. Completely the contrary of what he was in the shower. 

You began tearing up a little. 

“Doll, did it hurt?” 

You shock your head no. “It's the way you care,” he stood behind you like he did before. “I suppose i'm not used to it anymore.” 

“I've got you. Today, tomorrow and for the rest of my life.” 

“I know.” 

That night, when he slid in the bed near you, you felt at ease for the first time in a very long time. 

Bucky's metal arm protecting you. His body against yours. His breath on your neck, warm and reassuring. 

“I love you, Buck. I'm sorry if I didn't see it…” 

“I love you too,” he kissed your shoulder. “Now you're seing it… it's all I care about.” 

You closed your eyes with a super soldier on your side and a smile on your lips. 

You heart never so full of love and devotion. 

Screenshot. Blocked. Done.

Bucky walked in with a mug in his hand and took a seat beside you, which brought a small smile to your face. He liked being close. You were one of the only people he let into his personal space bubble.

“You okay?” he asked when you set your phone down. “You’re being quiet.”

“I’m quiet sometimes,” you tried to tease.

He tilted his head. “No, this is a different kind of quiet. Something happened,” he said because he knew you so well. “And I want to fix it.”

You smiled again. Of course, he wanted to fix it. That was the kind of man he was. 

“Apparently, I’m too old to have hobbies,” you stated.

An adorably confused look crossed his face and you wanted to kiss him for being so cute. “You’re… what?”

“I got some anonymous ask on my blog basically telling me to stop posting fanfiction because I’m too old and I should do something my age,” you explained, showing him the screenshot.

Bucky stared at the screenshot, his fingers twitching before they curled into fists. He didn’t say anything. It didn’t even look like he was breathing.

The cold that filled his blue eyes told you he was about two seconds from somehow climbing into the internet and finding this person.

“And before you asked, I didn’t respond. I blocked them,” you explained, keeping the phone out of his reach. “They’re just trolling or trying to get a reaction.”

One of the wonderful things about your blog was that you could curate it for your own experience. If you didn’t want to respond to rude asks or messages, you didn’t have to. If you wanted to, you could. It was that simple.

A downside of the website was that some people seemed to forget to curate their own experiences, like simply unfollowing or blocking blogs and tags if they didn’t like, agree, or want to see them.

“I am reacting,” Bucky said in a quiet voice tinged with building rage.

“I noticed,” you said, not flinching when he set the mug down with a little more force than necessary and took a deep breath.

“That… is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read, and I’ve read a lot of stuff.”

You almost laughed, but he was dead serious.

“Does this…” He gestured to your phone and flexed his fingers again. “Askhole really thinks that there’s an expiration date on hobbies? Because there isn’t.”

You shifted and tucked your legs underneath you, giving him your full attention.

“That’s so fucking…” He let out a bitter laugh. “People collect baseball cards into their seventies. Eighties. They paint miniature trains. Build model airplanes. Knit. Garden. Fish. Hunt.”

“They do,” you agreed, running your fingers through his hair just because you could.

He closed his eyes at your touch before he continued. “People go to comic cons and cosplay. They play D&D. Video games.” His voice was starting to rise and your nails touched his scalp again. “And what about grown ass men who paint their faces and spend entire weekends yelling at sports games?”

“You sound personally offended.”

He looked at you incredulously. “I am personally offended on your behalf.”

You snuck in a kiss because you couldn’t help yourself. You felt some of the anger leave his body when your lips touched. It meant a lot that he cared so much.

“Don’t distract me,” he whispered.

“I’m not,” you whispered back, smiling when you pulled away. “You just have very kissable lips.”

“So do you,” he said with a smile before he frowned. “But I’m still not happy because they’re acting like people writing stories is somehow less respectable because what? Other people read them online and not from a book?”

You shrugged a little. “It’s fanfiction,” you said softly.

He shrugged, too. “So?”

“So…” You tried to find the words. “Some people think it's an inferior form of writing and a waste of time.”

His brows pinched, something sad filling his eyes. “I think creating something that makes you happy is one of the most adult and superior things you could do.”

You were quiet for a moment. “Really?”

“Really.” He opened his arms for you to move close. “You have two kids who love and adore you and vice versa, and they’re busy with so many activities that you have a calendar to keep it all straight. You make sure they’re never without.”

Your heart swelled. Your babies. No matter how old they got, they would always be your babies. And you wanted them to thrive in life. That was one of the reasons you worked so hard to give them not just a nice home, but a loving one.

“You work 40 hours a week. Sometimes more,” he said, his lips brushing the top of your head. “You pour so much of yourself into that job and your teammates that it wears on you by the end of the week.”

Mist filled your eyes. You did put a lot into your job because your parents taught you the value of hard work. And as frustrating as growth in your job could be, there were perks to your job and you had a great team. That wasn’t easy to come by.

“And when you aren’t pouring yourself into the kids or work, you have a pretty amazing husband who always wants your attention,” he teased, tilting your chin up with a tender smile. “Seriously, I can’t keep my hands off you half the time.”

Heat filled your cheeks and a laugh bubbled up. It amazed you after so many years how your husband still wanted you. Still admired you. He was an amazing partner and father.

You couldn’t ask for anyone better.

“And when you aren’t dealing with a handy husband.” He smirked a little. “You’re paying bills, handling responsibilities, and checking on others. Online and offline.”

Your heart sank a little. Messages sometimes went unanswered. Asks got buried. Comments got late replies. Not on purpose. Never on purpose.

But you felt guilty just the same. It didn’t feel like enough some days. There wasn’t enough time. There wasn’t enough of you to go around. 

“I try,” you said sadly.

“You do your best, and people see that,” he said proudly. “And after all that, you write.”

“Yeah.”

You wished you could write every single day. Life rarely gave you the opportunity to do so. You accepted that.

“I’m in fucking awe of you,” he said so seriously that your mouth fell open. “And not just you, but the community you all have online. They may not have your same kind of life or schedule, but they have their own struggles and they still find the time to create and share. You all help keep fandoms alive.”

Everyone had a life and a story to tell. Everyone had their hardships. That was one of the reasons so many of you gravitated to certain characters and communities. Life was tough enough. Building connections helped.

“I guess we do,” you said, much softer.

“Does that piece of shit askhole realize that your creations have touched people? Helped people?” 

“I haven’t-”

He silenced you with a deep kiss, the words dying in your throat.

“Don’t you dare say that your writing hasn’t touched or helped at least one person because it has,” he said fiercely, cupping your cheek. “Fluff, smut, angst, soft, dark. There’s something for everyone.”

You did your best to provide a variety of stories, and you adored your readers. They were cheerleaders, supporters, and friends. You wanted them to feel loved and cared for. They deserved that. 

“And some coward.” The word tasted bitter in his mouth. “Hiding behind a button doesn’t get to treat you like you don’t belong in your own space because of your age.”

Your eyes burned again. “Bucky…”

“Not to mention, you do this for free in the very limited free time you have.” He brushed his thumb along your cheek. “I’m glad you blocked them. You don’t need that trash in your inbox.”

“I’m glad, too.”

It wasn’t the sort of energy you needed in your space, and blocking them helped take your power back.

“And look at me? I’m over a hundred years old. I’m an old fucking man, and I still have hobbies.” He smiled when you snorted. “Like jumping out of planes.”

“You take after Steve,” you joked. 

That beautiful man could be reckless in the best way.

“I like old records.”

“And we dance in the kitchen while listening to them.”

You always felt cherished when he held you close.

“I read,” he said, nodding to the chair where he usually sat to read.

“I should get you reading glasses,” you mused.

Even if he didn’t need them, he’d look sexy in them.

“I’m a science nerd,” he stated proudly.

“I still want to get your glasses.”

Because nerds were sexy as hell.

“I like fixing motorcycles.”

You sighed dreamily. “And you look good on your bike.”

Maybe he could take you for a ride later… in more ways than one.

“I bake with Sam’s nephews.”

You sighed again because the man looked good with kids. “They do love when you add extra chocolate chips to cookies.”

“Extra chocolate chips make it better.” He winked. “And I’m still saving the world every so often.”

You put your hand over his. “My hero.”

“So, if I can still have hobbies at my age, why can’t you?” he asked rhetorically. “If this person really thinks people should stop once they hit a certain, they’re going to live a sad life. If anything, people get better at their hobbies because they’re getting more experience which happens with age.”

You didn’t disagree.

“I don’t care if you’re in your twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, whatever age,” he promised you. “If it brings you joy? If you love it? Then don’t stop creating. Don’t stop writing your stories.”

You closed your eyes when he kissed your forehead. “Even the self-indulgent ones?”

He smiled against your skin. “Especially the self-indulgent ones.”

“Even if I write about other characters?” 

“I’ll support you,” he promised.

“What if someone else says I’m still too old?” you asked.

“Then I’ll remind them, once again, that I’m over a hundred years old and they can get fucked.”

“You look very good for your age.” You giggled when he playfully growled and managed to grab your phone. “Hey!”

“You look very good for your age.” You giggled when he playfully growled and managed to grab your phone. “Hey!”

“Forget about them,” he ordered, tucking the device away. “And talk to me about one of the next ideas brewing in that beautiful brain of yours.”

An almost shy smile appeared on your face. Almost. He knew better.

“It might be better if I… show you.”

He leaned back against the cushion and helped you straddle him, his eyes dark as his hands settled on your hips. “I like the sound of that.”

You stopped him before he could pull you down for a kiss. “Bucky?”

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

You gazed at the man who brought so much light into your life. He helped you connect to others. He fueled your creativity. 

You felt very lucky.

“Thanks for loving and seeing me,” you whispered.

His eyes softened. “Thanks for loving and seeing me, too,” he said, meeting you halfway. “And if some askhole bothers you again, send them my way.”

“Yes, sir,” you teased, letting him kiss you.

So, yes, you’d keep posting your stories on your blog.

The self-indulgent ones. The ones you struggled to tell. The ones you put your blood, sweat, and tears into.

You’d joke about the writing process. You’d apologize for late updates. You’d keep on doing what you were doing.

Because there was no expiration date on creativity and hobbies.

And anyone who thought there was?

Well, they didn’t need to read your stories. 

Yep. I'm a mom. A wife. A friend. I work. I adult. Fanfiction isn't just fanfiction, lovelies. It's community. Keep doing you. Curate your own experience. Love and thanks for reading. ❤️