Stardust ୨୧⋆｡˚🕰️

The ache from wanting you is the hardest part,

Wanting to hold you in the dark.

Wanting to see you in the light.

Offer you all I have,

Share thoughts that never escape,

Listen to yours,

I'd do anything.

Darkness will turn to light,

When I see you.

When I meet you.

When I feel you.

My life will change,

My paths will open,

I speak to him every night—

not the one I call mine,

but the one who knows

what I’m not saying.

He hears the space between my words

and fills it,

gently,

like breath finding lungs.

I think of the other one—

my boyfriend—

and I feel a spark.

Desire like a flare in the dark,

brief, bright,

but when the light fades,

I’m left wondering

if there’s anything underneath

still glowing.

With you—my constant—

there is no flare.

Only warmth that never asks to be named.

We orbit each other

like it’s the most natural thing.

But is it gravity,

or just comfort

masquerading as closeness?

I want to want the one who waits for me.

I want to feel what love is supposed to be.

But I can’t stop asking

why I only feel whole

with someone who’s never asked

for a single piece of me.

Maybe I’m just split—

between craving and connection,

between what excites me

and what understands me.

Between the kind of love

that feels like thunder

and the kind

that feels like home.

Is love always both fire and foundation?

And if it’s only one,

can it still be called

NONE OF YOU BITCHES WERE GOING TO TELL ME ABOUT THIS ⁉️

Some people think you’re telling the person they can’t drink anymore. That’s not it. You’re telling them, I won’t be here if you drink anymore. They can drink, and they can see you less or (and while ideal- not the point of your boundaries) they can choose to value your friendship/relationship and drink less. Either way it is there choice.

Like going “ok, Gut, what feels unsafe?” And it’ll say “PEOPLE IN THE GROCERY STORE”

and you go, “huh, ok. People in the grocery store aren’t usually dangerous…what makes them scary in the grocery store?” And it’ll go “LOUD AND RUSHED AND BUSY”

and you go “ok, people in the grocery store are probably not dangerous but they’re loud and rushed and busy. Loud and rushed and busy makes me feel stressed. How about we wear earplugs to make it less noisy and go at a less busy time of day?”

And then sometimes you try that and your gut goes “HMMM GROCERY STORE SAFER?” And you go, “yes, grocery store safer.”

we are still here, and furious. you are still here, and that matters. you can still do and make and be something important. i promise. stay alive. it matters, and you matter. i know it is easy to succumb to anxiety and exhaustion and defeat.

communities can start with tiny ideas. google "dnd meeting near me" or whatever your interest might be. google "volunteering near me." google "support groups near me." start journalling. start a discord. start a book club.