Jay

"What is it, mom?" Y/n asked as they sleepily slid down the banister. "Why is Harry Styles here?"

"I need more drug money, so I'm selling you to One Direction, y/n."

Y/n's eyes filled with tears. "You can't do this to me, mom! How will I date my boyfriend, Dean Winchester, or see my father, Tony Stark, if I'm sold to One Direction?"

"Cope," y/n's mother said. "Dean is cheating on you with Castiel of the Lord anyway."

"Time to go, girl," said Harry Styles. Y/n sadly followed him out the door, their eyelashes glistening with their tears.

"What are you going to do with me, Mr. Harry Styles?" Y/n asked when they were in his limo.

Harry Styles shrugged. "Idk I just ordered you off of Amazon at 3am, so I didn't really think this through."

Y/n arrived at the One Direction studio with Harry Styles. One Direction's manager met them at the door. "Harry Styles! You can't keep buying random people off of Amazon! You already have too many!"

Harry Styles sighed. "You're right." He turned to y/n. "I guess I have to let you go, Dean Winchester's ex/Tony Stark's child." He turned away his eyes filling with tears. "Goodbye."

Y/n stood and watched him leave, wondering what would become of them now. They decided to go to a coffee shop.

Y/n walked into a coffee shop. It was being run by Sherlock Holmes played by Benedict Cumberbatch. "What can I get you?" asked Sherlock Holmes played by Benedict Cumberbatch.

"I don't have any money. My mother sold me to One Direction."

"Then, I suppose, you'll just have to pay with your body," said Sherlock Holmes played by Benedict Cumberbatch. Y/n blushed.

Y/n was no longer blushing when they were serving as a barista in the coffee shop so that Sherlock Holmes played by Benedict Cumberbatch could go off and kiss John Watson. "Hello, what can I get you?" y/n asked the customer at the front of the line. Crowley took off his glasses, revealing his demonic eyes. Y/n swooned.

"One straight black coffee with eight sugars and a tea." Y/n nodded and made the order. Crowley took it. "How much do I owe you?"

Y/n twirled their hair and blushed. "It's on the house."

"That's nice of you. My boyfriend, Aziraphale, would like that." Crowley left to go see his boyfriend, Aziraphale.

Y/n slumped onto the counter. They didn't even bother to stand up straight again when another customer came in. "Let me guess, you want two drinks for you and your boyfriend."

The Doctor look confused. "What boyfriend?"

Y/n stood up and grabbed The Doctor's shoulders from across the counter. "Wait. You mean to tell me that you're actually single?"

"Yes?"

"Date me!"

"I'm just here to buy coffee."

Y/n screamed. "That's it! I've been working at this coffee shop for five whole minutes and I haven't found my soulmate! I quit!" Y/n threw down their apron and stormed out.

As y/n trudged down the streets, they decided they would have no choice but to visit their friend, Legolas - though he would probably be much too busy with his boyfriend, Gimli, to give them any mind. Everyone seemed to be dating someone except y/n. Even their drug addict mother had managed to hook up with Tony Stark all those years ago. As y/n changed direction to go to Legolas's house, they got kidnapped.

Y/n woke up, tied up and gagged in a room. They opened their eyes to see Loki, laughing evilly. "Finally, I've kidnapped Iron Man's child! Now the Avengers will be unable to do anything and I can conquer Earth!"

Y/n struggled until their gag fell off. "Are we dating now?"

Loki turned around. "What? No. I kidnapped you."

"If we aren't dating, why am I tied up?"

"Because I'm kidnapping you to use against your father, Tony Stark!"

"It kinda seems like we're dating and this is a sex thing."

"No! It's not a- !"

"It's okay; I'm into it."

Loki's face turned serious and he cut y/n's bonds. "Get out. I never want to see you again. You scare me."

"Bye, ex-boyfriend!" Y/n blew Loki a kiss as they left. Loki shuddered.

It’s been a while! Life has been crazy. Moved to a different country, started a new job, ran into the middle of a fireworks show… but anyway. Back to the important stuff. Aka, DEEP SPACE 9 DAEMONS

Benjamin Sisko. Starfleet Captain. Bajoran Emissary. Father of the year 7 years running.

He has a Golden Eagle.

Okay, I want this to be the first thing: Golden Eagles are fantastic parents and Benjamin Sisko is an amazing dad. Golden Eagles are intensely protective of their range (as Sisko is of DS9 and Bajor!) but they’re fine with their kids, even after they’ve grown up and left the nest. That is… really unusual in territorial birds. Usually it’s all ‘okay, you’re not my baby anymore you’re my COMPETITION’ but Golden Eagles know that their children will always be theirs. Benjamin tells Garak that just like his own father never stops worrying about him, Benjamin will never stop worrying about Jake. Even when the baby Golden Eagles start to establish their independence by attacking their parents, the adults simply accept this and keep returning to care for their (ungrateful) young. Even when Jake is a bit of a selfish little shit (and he is, in the way that only kids absolutely secure in their parents love can be) Benjamin loves him and helps him.

Golden Eagles are the best fliers. Which is perfect for the best captain (okay look I said straight up that Deep Space 9 is my favorite, I HAVE FEELINGS OKAY???). But seriously, Golden Eagles are amazing fliers and fantastic hunters. Benjamin is a correspondingly fantastic leader, in both peace (playful flying!) and war (hunting). Golden Eagles are apex predators, even wolves run in fear. Benjamin can be absolutely vicious when going after his prey, which we especially see when he devotes himself to crushing the Maquis or when he started (and then finished) the Dominion War.

However, despite the fact that Golden Eagles are (arguably) the best fliers and hunters in the world, they spend most of their time sitting in one spot. They spend 75-85% of the day perching in one spot. Just watching. They weren’t even sleeping, they were awake. They weren’t socializing, they weren’t looking for food, they were just perfectly content to stay in one spot and chill. Deep Space 9 is the only series we have aboard a space dock rather than a shuttle and its captain reflects that difference. Instead of ‘boldly going’, Benjamin boldly stays put. He sets down roots deep, not just into DS9 but into the planet of Bajor below him as well. It is well within his capabilities to helm a starship, he would be fantastic exploring new worlds, but he wants to sit still in one spot. One very particular spot.

That being said, Golden Eagles are technically partially migratory. They prefer to stay in one spot but sometimes they have to leave. Benjamin loves DS9, wants to make a home on Bajor, but the prophets call him and he has to leave. But migration means coming back and Benjamin will do that too.

Golden Eagles mate for life, and Benjamin loves rarely but when he does it is intense. He is shattered by the loss of his first wife, whom he would have stayed with forever. It takes him years to even contemplate seeing anyone else. And when he does fall in love with Cassidy he stays with her through thick and thin - he is even willing to give up Starfleet, which he has served nearly his entire life, to be with her. Even when she goes against everything he believes in he still loves her, and he still stays with her.

This intense animal loyalty extends beyond one person to Benjamin’s intense loyalty to what he believes in general. He is enraged by the Maquis betraying the Federation, as Eddington points out his anger goes far beyond any reasonable person’s. He takes it personally. It is inconceivable for Golden Eagles to betray their partner,and it is horrific to Benjamin to see someone betray their oath.

Golden Eagles have weak “puppy-like” voices. There’s nothing more to say about this exept that I HAD to include it because I love the idea of Benjamin, man with the sexiest, deepest voice of any captain (yeah, I’m looking at you Kirk) having a daemon that looks just as sexy as his voice… and then a high pitched little whine comes out. She doesn’t talk much, is my point.When they were young Ben was SO INSECURE ABOUT IT. He’s pretty much over that but she stays quiet anyway. Partially because he’s genuinely a fairly reserved guy (a super friendly one! But reserved in his own way) and partially because it gets tiring, rolling their eyes at people who are struggling SO HARD NOT TO LAUGH when she finally does talk.

I knew he has this daemon immediately, just on a gut level. As I’ve said before, Starfleet has a disproportionate amount of bird daemons and Benjamin bleeds Starfleet so he needed a bird. But more than that, it was the golden eagle’s place as a figure of mythical reverence that cemented it for me. Mankind has always been fascinated by them - they’re the national bird in five different countries, they’re featured prominently in the Bible and in plenty of other religions - especially many Native American cultures. Not to mention, tons of mythology around the world. There was no animal as holy as a Golden Eagle. They are messengers from God(s), they are a protector, they are strength, they are sacred creatures flying across the sky above us all.

My point is, they are deeply tied into human culture, especially religion. As is Benjamin. It’s not just that he is the Emissary, it’s that he becomes so deeply entwined with the Bajoran faith. At first he only grudgingly accepts the title of ‘Emissary’, but after a while he’s faced with the choice - does he truly believe he is the Emissary? Does he truly believe in the Prophets? And he realizes… he does. He is the Emissary of the Prophets. He is willing to bet Jake’s life, that which he values more than anything or anyone else based purely on the strength of his faith. He is pulled unwittingly into religion, but he chooses to have faith. That choice was in him all along, as shown by his daemon.

Plus, you know some Bajoran is gonna find out that his daemon is a religion icon and be like HIS VERY SOUL IS PROOF OF HIS HOLINESS!! I also really like the idea I just had of Bajor having large raptors, remarkably similar to eagles, which are considered holy in their faith. Everyone is like SEE??? A HOLY ANIMAL DESCENDED DOWN FROM THE PROPHETS TO MARK HIM AS OURS. And he is just like… she Settled like this when we were 15,pretty sure that was before the prophets. Of course then he finds out about his mother and has a bit of a freak out over the whole thing because DID they make him to the point of shaping his soul???

They didn’t make him. He made him. He chose, long ago, and then every day since. He chose to be the type of man who has a Golden Eagle

nubbsgalore:

“penguin was just a small, wobbly headed magpie chick when my son, noah, found her lying injured on the grass after being blown out of her nest. she was very lucky to survive such a horrendous fall but without immediate care would have died within a day.   

“we built her a simple nest and kept her warm with a tiny blanket. noah immediately named her penguin, due to her black and white plumage.  it is not easy to look after any injured wild creature [so] we undertook a great deal of research about magpies and were extremely grateful for all the specialist veterinary advice we received, especially in regard to penguin’s diet.  

“while getting penguin to eat was a real victory, her recovery remained touch and go. but over time she grew in both stature and confidence. 

“as penguin’s strength grew so did her curiosity. we never locked her inside any kind of cage so she was always free to venture outside the house. it didn’t take long before she started to forage for her own food in the backyard and it was clear she was becoming increasingly independent.  

“despite being free to leave she still chose to sleep inside the house for at least six months. fortunately there is a large frangipani tree in our yard that penguin always felt comfortable in, so that became her home. however if we ever leave a window open she’ll fly inside the house at sunrise and scamper down the hallway to one of the bedrooms and jump into bed.  

“australian magpies are known for their beautiful songs and penguin began singing short songs during the day from a very early age and would eventually sing for hours and hours at a time. whenever we’d pull up in the driveway she’d let out a loud and melodic warble to welcome us home then flap her wings with excitement and run straight to the front door to be let inside.  

“while she will always be a part of our family penguin does not belong to us. the world is hers to explore and she regularly travels elsewhere, sometimes for days at a time. we won’t see her for a while and then, without warning, she confidently walks in the door as if nothing has changed.” (source, edited for length)

OH

I sooo didn't make outfits for randy

Yeah I definitely didn't spend hours trying to get the sizes right

I 100 percent didn't use my Keychain to look like a wallet chain for emo randy

well-

yeah