Everybody's Dancing in the moonlight

my sociali anxiety is becoming much more apparent lately

i worry about being talked about at work

i worry i’m being watched

i worry about having to do the right thing always

my movements are not natural

“oh man the way i turned around like that was weird”

at the end of the day i feel the buildup up anxiety and holy shit it manifests physiologically

in my clenched jaws, the tension in the front of my head and my temples, my back, my neck

i put on this approacable bubbly facade but inside i am just screaming to be alone because there are too many people walking around in the staffroom

too many eyes

too much movement

i take deep breaths

tell myself to be present. be mindful.

Just woke up, had this thought and needed to get it down

I am so fully aware of my upbringing and childhood

and the consequences of an absent father

so much so that I question and overthink every potentail love interest

“Do i like them or am i just lonely?”