I Will Share Everything

Ohh dear,

After what had been an incredible week shit had to hit the fan at some point... and boy did it!

So a woman drove into my car today and I am a young driver so will have to pay the excess even though it was not my fault and I have witnesses. What made everything worse was that she was a fucking chavvy nutter!

Then tonight just as I was calming down a bit, a fox managed to break into our chicken coup and has killed all of chickens we bough a few days ago!

Right I have been holding this back but I need to tumblr it all out.

So 2014 has been shit, I have no job, my grandmother who was so important to me died, two of my best mates have started sleeping with eachother and it has completely ruined my relationship with both of them, I am getting no work done and dont know how I will complete my degree, I have no money and nor does my family since dad has been ill, im so fucking confused about my sexuality it makes me ill, my ex has caused shit loads of problems and now my best friend is suicidal and I can't do anything.

I have been so low, I have done things I have never thought I would do, and these last few months were the first time I genuinely considered taking my own life.

Yesterday and today I started to feel mildly better, but then I got a horrible text off my best friend and housemate.

She has obviously been depressed, but I literally don't know what I could have done, not least because she makes every effort to blank me, not to talk to me, and to be out of the house.

She obviously feels that she has more to deal with, but I don't think she understands anything I am going through. She is demanding an apology, but I don't know what to apologise for. I can't sleep but I am shattered and this is really fucking with my already fragile mental health.

I try so hard with her, and I have done allot for her. Not many friends would ferry her stuff to a bus stop, or re book a ticket for them when they fuck up, or give them weed that I NEED when she needs it, or constantly ask friends to make sure she is OK. What other friends from uni sent her a birthday present? achhhhhhhhh and so much more. I literally don't think she realises how much I have cared for her or what I have tried to do. And I dont think she cares.

I can't do any more.

I genuinely thought this year would not be stressful after the calamities of last year.

Alas, its been horrible. I don't know how I have pulled through and if I will pull through.

Life really does just throw things in your face. You get over one hurdle and there is always another waiting around the corner.