10/25/28

Vodka Cranberry

Willing and Able

Cardigan

Stick Season

This is Me Trying

Back To December

Words Fail

The Manuscript

The Prophecy

Epic III (They Danced)

Happiness

Tied Together With A Smile

The Outside

Dear Reader

Anti Hero

My Tears Ricochet

Seven

Coney Island

Evermore

It's Time To Go

End of August

Who I'd Be

Start my job and save all my money

Lose weight

Work out

Turn 16

Get a car

Turn 18

Get a laptop and start writing

Apply to the FAA Academy

Change my number

Get certified as an ATC

Start my job

Keep writing

You might argue parents don't pick favorites. I'd tell you to open your eyes and not be so stupid. It's quite obvious that I'm my father's favorite.

Maybe it's because I stay in the middle. Maybe it's because I don't fight him when he's being stupid. Maybe I'm easier to manipulate, maybe I'm just more compatible with him. But I am his favorite child.

He buys me food, monsters, lets me drive his car, shares things with me, buys me things, offers to buy me books, takes me to the mall, and doesn't block me on social media.

Whether or not that's something I can control, I don't know. Whether or not my siblings can tell, my older sister can, whether or not they hate me for being the favorite, I can't really tell. Whether or not my father is on purposely favoring me or just prefers my company is also hard to tell.

He once told me he'd probably move wherever I ended up living once I got there. The sentiment was sweet, but I'm not the youngest sibling. The youngest is 8 years younger, and by the time I'm settled, he won't even be graduating high school. He can't just up and leave his younger sons who idolize him so much. If I'm the reason he leaves, I'll never be able to look at my mother or brothers again. I don't plan to leave for my career with my father's favoritism as baggage. I planned to escape to my career without my father there.

I always thought I wouldn't be the favored child, that I'd be the one left out, because my sister was prettier, nicer, less temper, more empathetic. But apparently that meant nothing, and I became the favorite anyway, and if I'm being completely honest, I sort of like being favored. It's convenient and I'll probably be using it, whether it's for him teaching me to drive or living with my father after I turn 18, I don't know.

Start my job and save all my money

Lose weight

Work out

Turn 16

Get a car

Turn 18

Get a laptop and start writing

Apply to the FAA Academy

Get certified as an ATC

Start my job

Keep writing

I know you regret a lot of things you gave me. I'm not asking for you to stop regretting them or even get over this quickly. I know you need time and space and that this came completely out of the blue for you. I know that there are some things that you can't talk to me about, and I hope you find someone that you can talk to.

That being said. I'm still here for you, whenever you need help or a ride or something illegal.

I know you regret telling me things about yourself. I won't ever be sharing anything you told me or sent me or anything like that. It's personal to you and no one else needs to know that. I'm not going to go around posting photos of you or secrets of yours. I've deleted everything anyways.

Everything I did with you was consensual. I don't want you to think I was pressured into anything. I wasn't, and even if I regret it in hindsight (I don't think I do) that doesn't mean you pressured me or did anything. I never did anything I didn't want to do.

YOU ARE SO LOVED AND WE LIKE HAVING YOU AROUND

*ties one end of this sentence to your heart, and the other end to everyone who loves you, even the ones you haven't heard from in a while.*

*checks knots*

THERE. STAY PUT, YOU. TUG IF YOU NEED ANYTHING