给我爱

3 WEEKS BEFORE THE WEDDING

The envelope sits on your kitchen counter between a spoon and a jar of peanut butter, mocking you. It’s baby blue and has a floral design, just like the letter inside printed on expensive paper. You pull it out, read it over, just one more time, just to make sure, as if the words would change, as if you could ever forget.

We’re delighted to invite you to the wedding of Woo Haerim and Myung Jaehyun…

It doesn’t sound real. It sounds exactly the kind of prank you would pull on your best friend and not the other way around. Jaehyun is a touchy, clingy, laughs-harder-than-anybody-else kind of guy who likes to exaggerate and tease, but he wouldn’t joke about marriage. He’s too much of a romantic for that.

But there was a time when he was younger, after one too many shots, freshly graduated with honors, when he promised that if both of you are still single by the time you turn twenty-eight, he would marry you.

It was a running joke just between the two of you, a simple ‘it’s okay I will marry you anyway’ thrown around whenever one of your relationships ended or were single for too long. It was something to laugh about because… how cliché it was really, two best friends getting married? But suddenly you didn’t find it funny because your supposedly best friend was about to marry a girl you haven’t even met yet.

Jaehyun used to ask you about your opinion and it had become a little tradition too, giving bestie approval stamps to each other’s significant others. You weren’t a big fan of any of his past girlfriends but Haerim? You only knew about her at all because Sanghyuk mentioned her in passing the last time he visited you in Busan. You thought it wasn’t that serious if Jaehyun couldn’t be bothered to tell you himself, so what now, marriage? Make it make sense, Myung Jaehyun.

You let the phone ring for longer than necessary.

You never hesitated before when he called but now you feel like you need to compose yourself before you say something you will regret. So you take a deep breath and count to five before pressing the green button.

“Hey,” Jaehyun sounds relieved and the sound of his voice is enough to make you smile. It’s been a while since you talked.

“Hi,” you greet him back on auto-pilot but your voice comes out less cheery as it usually would. A part of you is still waiting for the punchline of a joke that probably doesn’t exist.

“Did you get my letter? I sent you one a two weeks ago,” he asks, all worried and you can easily imagine the frown on his forehead based on his tone alone.

You could blame it on the Korean Postal Service, saying that maybe the mail got delayed a bit in the countryside but the delivery time between Seoul and Busan is a few days maximum, a day if the letter was sent with priority stamp. The truth is you could have probably picked it up sooner from your mailbox but you rarely check it because it’s mostly just ads piling up. Who still sends letters in the 21st century? You wonder if it was Jaehyun’s fiancée’s idea to handle the invitations in the old fashioned way. Or is it just you being too practical for sentimental things like this?

“Uhm, yeah, actually, just yesterday,” you mutter, all awkward, and you mentally wince at your own reaction.

“Oh, okay, I was getting worried. That… maybe it got lost. Or worse, that you ignored it. I know we drifted apart lately but–”

“I would never ignore you, Jae,” you cut him off because no matter the time or distance, Jaehyun is still your best friend. He will always be. Who else would you play bingo with in the retirement house?

In all honesty, meeting Jaehyun was the best thing that happened to you in college. You have no idea how you would have survived without him. He has always been your biggest supporter, the one who took care of you when you were sick in the dead of winter or drunk enough to almost fall asleep on a bench in a park. You were like two peas in a pond, fueling each other’s energy, partners in crime. You met during a house party playing drinking games and you somehow managed to reduce him to tears when you told him that you thought Twilight was awfully cringe and a mess of a plot. He spent the rest of the night trying to change your mind, which he couldn’t, but you ended up walking away with a best friend anyways.

Now, it’s been almost five years since you graduated. Two since you moved to Busan because of an offer you couldn’t refuse. Eight months since you last saw him during Chuseok. Funny, isn’t it? You have known him for eight years and apparently eight months was enough for him to meet the love of his life and decide to marry her the summer before the two of you would turn twenty-eight. The thought tastes bitter in your mouth.

“I know that but still. So… are you coming? I can’t wait for you to meet Haerim! You’re gonna love her!” Jaehyun suddenly sounds much more chipper. It reminds you of those college days when he would act like he was on his deathbed, only to perk up when you put a cup of coffee in front of him.

You swallow around the glob in your throat because unlike him you aren’t that sure that you’re gonna love his fiancée.

“Duh? I wouldn’t miss my best friend’s wedding!” You click your tongue as if even the thought of it was offensive and really, it kind of is. No matter how surprised you were when you received the invitation, your answer has never been a question. You would drop anything to be there on his big day – even if only to tease him for crying because he’s definitely the type who would cry when he sees the bride walking down the aisle. But still, there’s an elephant in the room to address. “It’s just… a bit unexpected, you know?”

You’re careful as you choose your words and the way you keep your tone even. It’s unlike you with your unfiltered mouth that has gotten you in trouble before. Luckily, Jaehyun doesn’t seem to notice. He sounds all too happy to talk about the love of his life.

“Yeah, I know. But the thing they say? That you just feel it when it’s real? It’s true.”

“Yeah well… I wouldn’t know,” you mutter under your breath.

That’s the main difference between you and Jaehyun when it comes to romance: you don’t really believe in the big capital word Love and its all-consuming power while he believes in cinematic, swoon-worthy love stories. Your relationships usually ended because you felt like your boyfriends moved too fast, wanted too much, while his heart often shattered at the first signs of not fitting together perfectly. Not now, apparently.

“I’m happy for you,” you tell him and it’s honest despite the thorn in your side. You have never wanted him to be anything but happy.

“Thanks. But Y/N… Actually the reason why I called…” You can tell Jaehyun fidgets on the other side of the line and you force yourself to sit down, tapping on the floor while you wait for him to finish. “Can you join us a few days earlier? With Haerim’s family there… I can’t do this without you. I need you there with me.”

You glance at your planner open on your desk, the date of the wedding now highlighted with a bunch of question marks. You should probably think about having to ask for more day-offs than necessary and the last minute flights to Jeju but Jaehyun’s desperate voice fills your mind like static. You’re not surprised that the wedding preparations got him like that, he gets easily overwhelmed when there are a lot of things to do, but it’s the way he says it, that he needs you… that’s an arrow straight to the heart, bullseye.

You don’t even think. Never, apparently, when it comes to him.

“Yeah. Yes, of course.”

“I need a favour,” you blurt out as soon as Sungho picks up the phone after nine agonizing seconds. No hellos, no niceties, just straight to the point but he lets it slide.

“I’m listening,” he hums, already half amused, half concerned.

Not that he has any reason to be the latter. It was only one time that you called him from a hospital ward because the nurses didn’t let you leave on your own after unplugging the IV drips from your own arm.  A bit of dizziness after pulling all nighters because of a project deadline rarely hurt anybody, right? Okay, maybe two times, if he counts that night when you called him drunk after a shitty day and he had to pick you up from Gwangalli beach because you were convinced that you were staring at the sea from Haeundae and didn’t understand why you couldn’t find your way home. You made him give you a piggyback ride that day and shamelessly groped his arm muscles while singing a mainstream girl group song you claimed to hate. It’s Sungho’s favourite anecdote to bring up whenever you forget that you have a low alcohol tolerance.

The two of you started working for the association behind the Busan International Film Festival as juniors in the same year. You are both cinephiles, hence you have an endless list of movies to discuss and watch ready at all times. He also has most of his family back in Gangwon province, so you usually take the KTX train together around Seollal and Chuseok. But other than these, you couldn’t be more different. You are an unlikely duo: you being your chaotic, unapologetic self and him being always so put together. He’s your voice of reason while you’re his voice when he’s too polite to call somebody out on their bullshit. But somehow it works, he’s the closest friend you made since you left Seoul for bigger adventures and dreams. You would probably call him your best friend as of late if you weren’t still keeping that title for Jaehyun.

“I need you to be my plus one for Jaehyun’s wedding,” you tell Sungho without beating around the bush.

He coughs like he choked on something.

“As in the Jaehyun you were supposed to marry after turning twenty-eight?”

“Yes, that Jaehyun.”

There is no other Jaehyun in your life unless you count Jaehyun from accounting but he goes by Hyunjae anyways. So yeah, there is no other Jaehyun whose wedding you would attend but you also know that’s not why Sungho is asking, so you let out a dramatic sigh as you flop back onto your bed and start explaining.

“He’s getting married in Jeju at the end of June to the freaking daughter of KOZ’s CEO. Can you believe it? Jaehyun marrying into a chaebol family?” You snort and it’s mostly a rhetorical question because Sungho only knows Jaehyun from your stories, so he wouldn’t know. But you do and with his free spirit, it’s hard to imagine him navigating the intrigues of crazy rich people. “He wouldn’t rush a marriage like this, I really don’t get that part, so I’m pretty sure the girl is just manipulating him, maybe using him to get out of an arranged marriage. Jaehyun has too big of a heart for his own good, it could happen to him.”

“That sounds too much like an SBS drama, honey,” Sungho says and you can tell from the sound of his voice that he’s smiling wistfully because he knows you’re prone to act dramatic just for the sake of it. “Maybe they just fell madly in love.”

“Unlikely,” you grimace while you try to ignore the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach. “Jaehyun always second guesses himself when it comes to love. He’s not reckless like me.”

“And yet, you haven’t told him that you’re in love with him.”

It doesn’t sound accusatory, the way Sungho says it, but you still wince, because it’s a reminder of a bruise you forgot it hurt.

“I don’t want to lose my best friend over something like that,” you say, a little softer, a little quieter. Something like love, something you’re admittedly, historically suck at. Even if Jaehyun likes you back, you would mess it up one way or another. So why risk it?

“It looks like you will lose him anyways, so what now?” Sungho asks because he always asks the right questions even when you don’t like them. You don’t know what to say, you didn’t really think it through, you just knew that you don’t want to be in Jeju, alone, and watch the guy who could have been The One for you marry another girl. So you called Sungho because he always knew what to say and what to do, but you know it’s not something he can decide for you. “Y/N?”

“He just called me. He told me he can’t do this without me,” you whisper while keeping your eyes on the water stain on the ceiling. “Sungho… I can’t let a cunning rich girl take him away from me.”

“And what do you need me for?” Sungho asks simply, not even trying to talk you out of it. Just one more reason why you work together so well. He knows there would be no use of trying to convince you once you made up your mind. And now, he’s part of your plans too.

“For emotional support? To keep me accountable? Come on, Sungho. One week in Jeju, all-inclusive, you deserve a vacation.”

When Sungho groans, you know you won.

The truth is… you have always thought of Jaehyun more like a twin brother you never had. Until you moved away to a new city all alone and realized how big part of your life included him. Until Sungho asked about him.

Kind, sweet Sungho holding an umbrella above your head, his jacket over your shoulders after a company dinner, waiting for a bus. Sungho who blushed prettily when you called him handsome and floundered over his words when you asked what he would do with the number you saw one of the waitresses sliding to him.

“Probably nothing. She’s not really my type,” he said eventually, gazing down at the rain-washed road.

“Really? She seemed nice,” you feigned nonchalance while checking the time on your phone as if you weren’t suddenly curious about what his type might be, as if you didn’t wonder whether he preferred girls who shook up his life over the nice ones. You weren’t sure what exactly you wanted to hear but it surely wasn’t what went down when Sungho turned back to you.

“Is that your boyfriend?”

It was so sudden, so unprompted that you couldn’t even hide your surprise with a joke.

“Who?”

“The guy on your phone lockscreen.”

You look down at the device in your hand, at the candid photo of you and Jaehyun laughing Sanghyuk took when you three climbed Namsan in your senior year. Among the many love lockets there, there is a bright yellow one with your names and #hanyang2022 as proud soon-to-be graduates you were. It’s a nice photo, a happy memory, nothing more.

“What? No. That’s just Jaehyun, my best friend,” you say and because you’re naturally prone to bring chaos, you add, all chatty and casual: “I mean we do have a silly pact that we will get married if both of us are single when we’re twenty-eight, but we aren’t like that.”

“Oh,” Sungho reacted a bit dumbfounded and blinked slowly when the bus pulled up in front of you. “Well, it sounds to me like you are a bit like that.”

So this was how it started. Sungho making an assumption and turning his back to you. You catching up to him on the bus, wondering whether he was right. After all, he usually was.

5 DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING

And now, here you are, in Jeju with bright sunrises and the roaring sound of the sea, with Sungho by your side who came partly for the free hotel and free food… and partly for the drama (aka to judge you though he would never admit it).

Luckily, you managed to convince Jaehyun that he doesn’t need to come pick you up at the airport. This way you’re free to complain about the ridiculousness of destination weddings all the way from Jeju International to the fancy hotel Jaehyun’s rich fiancée readily booked you right away after you confirmed your flight details. Sungho mostly just hums along with your monologue but you blame it on his post-nap state. Still, somehow he’s still more present to navigate through the airport and get a taxi because you are too pre-occupied going through all the info Jaehyun sent you about the schedule.

“Dinner tonight, dress fitting tomorrow, then cocktail party, wedding venue check. Exclusive tea ceremony? Why the hell are rich people making such a big fuss about a wedding? Isn’t it supposed to be one day, signing documents and that’s it?”

“Maybe they want to make everybody feel included or just spend time together. Shouldn’t you be happy? It’s been a while since you last saw him,” Sungho says, squinting in the afternoon light as he takes your carry-on from the car after his and wheels both of them towards the hotel lobby.

“I would be more happy if this wasn’t for a wedding. I will have to act like I like his fiancée and you know I tend to panic when I lie and end up saying stupid things,” you mutter because your worst fear at this point is to unintentionally hurt Jaehyun over something stupid.

“Who knows maybe you will actually like her,” Sungho shrugs and you narrow your eyes at him.

“Whose side are you on again?” You put your hands onto your waist with a click of your tongue but force a smile on your face when the receptionist lady asks what she can help you with. You check in  without a problem and have your luggage handled by a bellboy. Breakfast is included in the price but only available until 9AM, so you’re already planning the latest feasible time to wake up tomorrow, making Sungho promise that he would wake you up while you’re riding the elevator to the top floor. Or at least it sure feels like it. The bellboy asks if you need help with anything else but leaves soon enough, so you’re ready to pass out on the bed’s expensive duvet when you realise exactly what’s off with the room.

When Jaehyun told you that Haerim got a suite for you and your plus one, you didn’t think to clarify that the room would need two beds because you naively thought suites would be like that, having multiple rooms or whatnot, and here you are now, staring at a singular albeit generously sized bed in a fancy room with a view of the sea. Funnily though, Sungho seems more scandalized by the idea if his widened eyes and cheeks dusted pink are anything to go by.

“I’m sleeping on the sofa,” he clears his throat, steering his suitcase towards the living room area already.

“Don’t be stupid,” you roll your eyes, gesturing wildly. “Look at this bed, it’s huge. We won’t even touch.”

Not to mention Sungho slept through the short flight on your shoulder which must not have been comfortable for his neck. You don’t want him to leave this trip with aching bones.

“But…”

“We used to crash at each other’s places with smaller beds with Jaehyun back in college. As long as you don’t steal all the blankets, I’m fine with it,” you shrug like it’s not a big deal because it shouldn’t be. Sure, it’s not college anymore and he’s not Jaehyun. But you are both mature adults, so what’s a little platonic bed sharing?

Sungho doesn’t say anything, just drops his bag at the leg of the bed and catches your wrist before you could faceplant yourself onto the soft-looking bed-covers.

“No outside clothes in bed,” he scolds, not mean, just firm, and there’s something hot in the authoritativeness of his voice and in the weight of his hand on your arm. You almost give in.

“Well, your half of the bed, your rules. My side of the bed, my rules,” you stick out your tongue and climb in just to prove a point.

You doze off quickly, only awakened by the alarm you set beforehand to get ready for the dinner reservation Jaehyun sent you. You open your suitcase only to notice that Sungho already put his neatly folded clothes into one half of the wardrobe while you were asleep. There’s also a bottle of your favourite passion fruit flavored ice tea on your bedside table which you doubt was the hotel’s doing.

“Ah, Sleeping Beauty is up,” Sungho teases with a gentle smile as he steps out of the bathroom.

In black tank top and sweatpants.

It takes everything in you not to stutter because is that really ironed shirts and cardigans Park Sungho in casual clothes? Are those defined biceps? Oh, so that’s why he could lift you up so easily when you were drunk.

“Where are you going?” You croak out, pushing yourself up to a sitting position.

“I’m checking out the gym while you catch up with Jaehyun,” Sungho says seemingly not catching on to your weirdly off tone.

“Of course you are.”

With how health-conscious he is, it just makes sense.

“You could always come with me,” he says and the worst thing is that he means it, so you just shoot him an unimpressed look and let out a grave sigh because it means he’s letting you face the wolves alone. As in your college best friend and his fiancée. How cruel.

Eventually you got out of bed albeit with more nerves and less enthusiasm than you should have. You showered and put on fresh clothes but Jaehyun really should have mentioned how fancy this booked restaurant was because you definitely felt underdressed in your crop top and linen maxi skirt combo approaching the gilded lettered, Greek pillared, bowtie waiter place. But before you could even whip out your phone and text Sungho about how pretentious this place was, you heard a shriek and heels clinking on the marble tiles.

“Oh my gosh, the infamous Y/N! I have heard so much about you!” The stranger exclaims and you’re pulled into an embrace before you could even process that you are the one being talked to.

The first thing you notice is that Haerim’s hair is ridiculously silky and she smells nice, like something flowery and sweet, something expensive for sure.

The second thing you notice is Jaehyun over her shoulder and how his hair is longer, curling around his nape. He is standing behind his fiancée with a wide smile on his face even though you’re frozen in place with your hands awkwardly hovering in the air like your body still can’t decide whether you were attacked or not.

“Well, I can’t say the same. Jae was quite secretive about you,” you say pointedly with a challengingly raised brow but Jaehyun just laughs giddily and Haerim isn’t offended at all.

“That’s okay, we will be like best friends by the end of the week! I have always wanted a big sister!” She shrieks as she pulls away and it’s even worse because she’s perfect. Doll-like eyes, feminine figure, an angelic smile. She looks at you with sparkling eyes like she actually means each of her words.

You hate her already.

Haerim links her arm with yours and pulls you towards the patio seating. She’s telling you about how she has always wanted to meet you and how happy she is that you’re here. She promises that you will love this place because her family used to come here every summer and everything is exquisite. Even her vocabulary is pretentious, you note with a barely concealed grimace you try to hide behind your wine glass. Thank god those were served as soon as you sat down.

“Uhm, so that’s why you chose Jeju?” You ask just to fill the void and not accidentally blurt out something about how you’re not buying the love story they’re trying so hard to sell right in front of you. Haerim is basically all over Jaehyun: their arms brushing, her hand on his thigh, glancing at him every few seconds. It’s so forced it makes you want to gag. Or maybe it’s just your allergy to public display of affection. Jaehyun used to call you skittish because you always pulled away when he tried to hug you, especially in public. Now you miss it more than anything.

“Haerim wanted the Maldives first but getting that many guests onto those islands would have been a nightmare, so we agreed on Jeju. It’s easier for everybody,” Jaehyun explains with big gestures and matching enthusiasm like he has always done. Its familiarity is the only thing that grounds you in this ridiculous situation.

“Maldives. Wow,” you mutter, fighting the urge to roll your eyes because rich people things once again. You and Jaehyun used to judge people who did things like it – spend money without a care in the world – together and you’re not sure how to feel about it. Did his infatuation blind him so much that he forgot?

“And he proposed on this beach too, so it’s extra romantic!” Haerim coos, reaching for Jaehyun’s hand resting on the table and you can’t help but let your gaze linger on their linked fingers and the diamond on Haerim’s ring finger. You’re pretty sure she did it on purpose to show off. She’s trying so hard to cling to your best friend that you wonder what she heard of you to act like it. What is she afraid of?

“Ooh did he?” You muse out loud, going along with Haerim’s little pre-orchestrated scheme. Of course, she would want to tell you about the proposal. Of how Jaehyun chose her.

“Yes! There was a heart made out of rose petals on the sand, a live band playing one of my favourite songs and everything.”

“Hah, I didn’t take you for such a romantic,” you lift your gaze to Jaehyun in defiance, watching the way his eyes widen in pseudo-offence and how he sits up just a bit straighter. It’s good to know you still know how to poke his buttons.

“He’s very romantic! He even handwrites letters for me every month!” Haerim speaks up faster than he could answer though and it’s not a surprise, you have gotten handwritten cards from Jaehyun for every occasion, Christmas, birthdays, graduation. You kept them all in a metal box in the very back of your drawer without telling him.

“But enough about us, tell us about your boyfriend!” Haerim leans closer lowering her voice as if it’s some hot gossip and you can see the corner of Jaehyun’s mouth twitch, that signature smile of his gone.

“My–” You blink, processing her words and it takes you an embarrassingly long moment to realise she must have meant Sungho. Double bed and all. Ah.

“Come on, don’t be shy now,” Haerim nudges your arm and before you could explain, Jaehyun shakes his head with a nostalgic smile playing on his lips.

“She isn’t shy, she just doesn’t really date seriously,” he says like it’s the universal truth and in that moment you make a decision just to prove him wrong.

A bad decision? Probably.

A reckless decision? Definitely.

A decision Sungho will judge you for? Most likely.

“Uhm, there’s just not much to tell, it’s all very new,” you lie through your teeth with a fake smile and hide your guilt behind the wine glass. But it works because under the layer of surprise, a hint of hurt flashes in Jaehyun’s eyes. Good, now he knows how you feel, you think bitterly and look down at the menu.

4 DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING

“You told them what?” Sungho gapes at you with widened eyes and disbelief clear on his face.

After you got back yesterday, you told him everything about Haerim and the cheesy stories, the ridiculously well-done meat at the restaurant with its horrendous prices but not this. You waited until the last minute to tell him about this teeny tiny detail maybe he should have known before meeting the couple. That last minute just happened to be the hotel elevator going down to the lobby.

“I didn’t plan it but you should have heard them! It was either this or letting Jaehyun know that the reason why I don't date seriously is because I’m half in love with him!” You whisper-shout with desperation dripping from your voice.

“Oh no, no, don’t drag me into this. I’m here as emotional support, not as–”

Ping.

Murmurs of conversations fill your ears as soon as the elevator doors open at lobby level, followed by a now familiar shriek.

“Oh my gosh, you must be the boyfriend!”

“Yeah, uhm, this is Sungho, my boyfriend,” you force a smile, stepping a bit closer to him, trying to beg him with your best doe eyes to play the role. “Babe, this is my college best friend, Jaehyun and his fiancée, Haerim.”

Sungho’s mouth is pressed in a tight line but he manages a polite smile as he looks at the couple.

“Nice to meet you both. I have heard a lot about you from Y/N-ie,” he says smoothly, dragging out your name overly sweet. He has never called you that. Your stomach flips.

In disgust, of course.

“Only good things, I hope,” Jaehyun laughs but there’s something forced in it, you can tell and when you see his eyes flit downwards, you grab onto Sungho’s hand like it’s a lifeline. He flinches but covers it up nicely with a full-bodied laugh.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” You wiggle your eyebrows at Jaehyun and follow the couple to the hotel’s restaurant for brunch as they suggested the evening before.

Once you are seated, Sungho immediately reaches for the water jug to pour some for everybody even though according to Korean table manners, it should be the youngest’s job, so Haerim’s who is too busy making suggestions about the menu, swearing by their pancakes with maple syrup and somehow ends up comparing them to the ones she had in freaking Paris. It almost makes you roll your eyes but instead you ask about her time there. It turns out she did a semester abroad there for her fashion management degree and she even speaks French because of course, she does. You bet she learned ballet and piano too and excelled in them all.

When your food arrives, you’re still listening to her, briefly beaming at Sungho when he passes over his fresh, cut strawberries to your plate because they are your favourite. It’s not an unusual thing between you, sharing food because you often spend lunch break together, so it’s nothing special but when you catch Jaehyun’s eyes, he stares at you as if he couldn’t believe what he’s seeing.

“So uhm… how did this happen? You’re working at the same company, right?” He gestures between the two of you after taking a sip of his coffee. Black, no sugar, which is crazy because he has always hated bitter things. He always complained that he couldn’t understand how you could actually like the taste of Americano. Now, look at him forcing it down because Haerim ordered it for him.

“Yeah, we’ve been friends for a while though but then…” You trail off, unsure how to continue and you glance at Sungho for help who just raises his eyebrow while chewing on his food as if saying you dug yourself this hole, so climb out of it too. The way he tilts his head has his hair fall into his eyes and you almost yelp as the idea hits you.

“Then he dyed his hair blond! Doesn’t he look hot? It turned my whole world upside down,” you exclaim with a hand darting out to fix Sungho’s bangs for him, which hopefully looks domestic enough and not awkward. (It sure does, Haerim cooes loudly.)

Sungo blinks, that dumbfounded cute blink of his when he hears something he can’t quite believe. He doesn’t pull away from your hand though, just blinks a few more in repetition then clears his throat, collecting himself, but you see his ears turn red.

“So you’re saying I wasn’t hot before?” He challenges with a pout forming on his lips. Damn, he’s a good actor, you never gave him enough credit for that.

“No! I just didn’t notice it. You also always wear these preppy outfits to work hiding your muscles!” You point out poking his arm because let’s be honest, Sungho looks like a prince. Not your usual type, the easy-going dudes in leather jackets you would run into at clubs, but you aren’t blind, you know he looks good. Maybe you’ve even had a moment of insanity when you could ogle at his biceps for the first time.

“So you made the first move? It was the same for us!” Haerim cheers excitedly and you start to wonder whether that’s her default reaction for everything. Nobody can be that excited all the damn time.

“Your brother was my business partner, of course, I couldn’t hit on you,” Jaehyun reminds her.

“Excuses, excuses,” she waves it away.

Luckily, the rest of the brunch goes smoothly, no awkward questions you have to lie about and you swear you will get cavities from the way Jaehyun looks at Haerim when they feed each other. He looks bewitched and it stirs something bitter and mad in the pit of your stomach. Too bad you have always liked bitter things.

After brunch, Haerim steals you away for dress fitting which also leaves Sungho alone with Jaehyun. You look back at their duo with an awkward smile while the girl is dragging you away and how unlikely their pair is really, it’s almost funny. That’s your two best friends and they couldn't be more different. A cat and a dog, really.

“You could have been the maid of honor but Jaehyun wanted you as his best woman, so you don’t have to match with the bridesmaid but it would be nice to go with the same color palette,” Haerim says while linking your arms and mentions a bunch of fashion terms you don’t know nor care about. You let her guide you to the salon, take the offered tea and pretend not to be bored while you’re trying to see the difference between the shades of light hot pink and pink pearl in the handle book.

After what feels like a small eternity, the curtains are pulled back and you look up at a literal angel.

“So… what do you think?” Haerim asks with uncharacteristic uncertainty in her voice as she twirls.

With her fashion degree and money and feminine traits, you expected her to go all out and choose a wedding dress so flashy and princess-y that you would want to gag but no, she’s beautiful. It’s an elegant dress with fine details in the most gorgeous glossy white colour you have ever seen. The veil falls smoothly over her bare shoulders from her simple updo and you’re sure she will be even more breathtaking on the big day when she has her hair properly done and accessories on.

Wait, what happened to not letting a rich chick steal your best friend?

“Jaehyun might cry,” you mumble, snapping out of your stupor. You force a smile when Haerim lets out a relieved chuckle. Apparently, she doesn’t find the thought of her fiance crying embarrassing.

“He really might. He’s a real crybaby, isn’t he? Makes me wanna bubble wrap him on most days,” she says with so much endearment in her voice people usually use when talking about cute dogs and not adult men.

“Right? Don’t even get me on how much of a scaredy cat he is!” You carry on, hoping to get some kind of reaction out of Haerim that could prove she only likes Jaehyun when he’s cool and composed. But no amount of embarrassing college stories can fade the smile on the girl’s list while she’s busy getting you into a pretty pink dress that exposes your back. It’s not your usual style but you go along with it, hoping that it would be the end of your little dress fitting shopping tour but somehow you end up with three new dresses and matching shoes. By the time you make it back to the hotel room, you feel like you could strangle anybody who claims shopping is relaxing.

3 DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING

You’re drawing your eyeliner with precise focus, leaning closer to the bathroom mirror while listening to Sungho’s recounting of yesterday’s events from the bedroom through the door left ajar. He has been at it for ten minutes or so because apparently he wasn’t tortured by shopping. Good for him.

“Sounds like you had fun,” you mention and it sounds more surprised than you actually are. Maybe if you weren’t so worried about Sungho accidentally spilling the beans while spending the day with Jaehyun, you would have seen it coming. No matter how different they essentially are in terms of their attitude, they are not only both close friends with you but also extroverts and well… guys.

“Yeah, it turned out he also likes football and karaoke, so we bonded over those. He’s a bit too touchy for me but he’s easy to be around and very likeable, so I get why you’re caught up with him,” Sungho says, like it’s an everyday thing for him to befriend your… crush or whatever. Jaehyun has been your best friend your entire adult life, you have never referred to him differently. It’s only because of Sungho’s sharp eyes and his master ability to spot when you’re lying that he even knows how seriously you took that little promise Jaehyun had made about marriage.

“I’m not caught up with him, I’m…”

You actually don’t know how to describe this feeling. You have been angry and disappointed when you got the wedding invitation a few weeks ago, then desperate when panic settled in, but now? You’re more than confused. Despite the distance between you, in a way you have always thought of Jaehyun as your person, somebody who would always be in your life through everything, somebody you could always count on. But him getting married? He would have a family of his own, they would automatically become the most important people in his life and you would be put on the backburner. Somehow that thought leaves you more unsettled than the possibility of him not liking you back.

But then you play back the way his eyes went to your hands linked with Sungho, how he stared when you whispered something into your fake boyfriend’s ear and it just doesn’t make sense. He invited you here, he said he needed you here and yet, he’s being lovey-dovey with his wife-to-be as if he didn’t need you at all. It makes you want to grab him by the shoulders and shake him. Why is he confusing you?

“I just can’t imagine my life without him,” you say and grimace at your own words because they sound pathetic no matter how true they are. Or maybe that’s exactly why. Sure, you’re not those kind of friends who text or call everyday but he’s the first person you tell if something happened. Okay, maybe second because Sungho is usually there.

You rub your lips together after applying the bold lipstick and give yourself one last look in the mirror. Your life might be a mess but at least you’re looking like a hot mess while managing it all.

“Anyways I need to find some time to talk to him, just the two of us. He sounded different over the phone when he asked me to come, so I want to know what that was about,” you say, mostly to yourself to keep yourself accountable, before leaving the bathroom you have occupied in the last half an hour to get ready for the cocktail party.

Sungho is doing his tie, his brows furrowed, face focused, when you step out the bathroom in one of the new dresses Haerim told you to get. When he lifts his head, his fingers freeze in the middle of a knot and he gapes like fish in a market.

“You look…”

“Ridiculous, I know. But Haerim said the party’s theme is hydrangea blue or whatever, so it is what it is. At least it’s super soft,” you sigh, smoothing down the lines of the baby blue material. It’s technically not uncomfortable, and if you really wanted to, you would have told Haerim you’re not wearing this (though she seems like somebody who would weaponize her doll eyes), but it’s rare for you to dress up like this, so it feels weird.

Not to mention, you feel strangely self-conscious about it in front of Sungho, who has mostly seen you sporting business casual or just everyday casual looks at work. The last time he commented on your outfit, it was because he recognized the 10 Things I Hate About You quote on your T-shirt and you ended up discussing the movie as expected of two nerds who work in the film industry.

“I was about to say that you look pretty,” Sungho mutters, looking down at his tie again. It takes him three attempts to find the front loop and secure it around his neck.

You feel your cheeks flush at the compliment, not knowing how to react to it. He isn’t supposed to just say things like that. Not when there’s nobody to perform to.

“Thanks. You don’t look half bad either,” you wave in his general direction, suit and tie and all, trying to get over this weird awkwardness in the air. You have never been like this before, why start now? “Uhm, can you…?”

You turn around, pulling your hair away from your back to reveal the halfway stuck zipper. Asking for help is not your forte but once again you’re not well-versed in the art of putting on intricate dresses either. Luckily, Sungho understands what you want without you having to spell it out.

“Oh, right,” he clears his throat and steps closer. You can feel his laboured breathing on your shoulder just before his fingers gently brush against your spine and air gets stuck in your throat. His warm touch leaves goosebumps behind as the zipper smoothly slides upwards and his fingers linger on your nape just a moment too long before he steps back. You exhale shakily.

Now, that further complicates things. Gosh.

The garden cocktail party is in full swing by the time you arrive. Haerim mentioned that some relatives and close friends arrive just in time for that but when she said some, you thought of maybe four or six, not a dozen. So introductions are in place and you try your best to remember every face. Gahyun, Haerim’s best friend, makes it especially easy after she looks at you like you're a hazardous risk. At least now you know for sure that you have a reputation.

Two colourful, sweet drinks later you’re determined to make sure you deserve whatever they made up in their minds about you. It’s quite petty but once you start, you just can’t stop, not when it’s so easy. You have years worth of stories with Jaehyun and it seems innocent enough to mention a few here and there, just to remind Haerim that you will always know him better. That she might be in Jaehyun’s bed now but you have been there first no matter how platonic that was. You mention family visits, vacations together, anything you can think of whenever random people ask about your friendship with the fiance. You make it sound casual, just an old friend reminiscing about the past, but you pay close attention to Haerim and how she’s listening even when she’s talking with others.

“Come on, dance with me. It’s our song,” Sungho smiles, very much charming and convincing, excusing you from the table in the middle of a college party retelling Haerim’s brother seems particularly interested in. You pout but let Sungho take your hand and pull you towards the flower-surrounded dancefloor in the middle of the garden. Only then you realize that the slow song that plays is indeed the one you ever danced to together, the first night you ever saw Sungho drunk during an overnight company outing because he kept losing the games. Back then it was you who pulled him to the dancefloor and giggled at his sleepy eyes. You wouldn’t have thought that he even remembered.

“What are you doing?” He hisses, lowering his voice as he leans closer, his breathing fanning over your ears.

He sounds incredulous, like he can’t believe what he’s witnessing. To your ears it sounds like a scolding, so you shrug like a reluctant child. Then you realize you’re just standing in the middle of the dancefloor, so you slide your arms around Sungho’s neck and start swaying from side to side.

“Did you see how Gahyun looked at me? She’s a much worse actress than Haerim is. They hate me. I want to see Haerim’s nice girl act break too.”

You knew it was all too good to be true: Haerim and how much of an open arms she welcomed you. None of Jaehyun’s ex-girlfriends were that excited to meet you and you can’t blame them. In a culture where female-male friendship is rare, your longwithstanding friendship with Jaehyun is enough to make a romantic interest feel threatened. Especially if they know how clingy Jaehyun could get with his friends.

“It honestly looked like you’re just desperate for attention,” Sungho whispers, finally letting his hands rest on your wrist after what feels like an internal battle. His touch feels grounding; both his presence and his closeness. So maybe that’s why the comment doesn’t hurt, because coming from him it’s not judging. You pull back just enough to look him in the eyes, to confirm there’s no disappointment there, and Sungho looks back at you with the same gentle eyes as always.

“Maybe I am,” you say, defiant. With a sigh, you lean your head against his shoulder, letting your eyes scan the people at the table you just left. “We have been here for two days and Jaehyun hasn’t even tried to talk to me.”

It’s silly because you have seen him each day. It’s also greedy. He’s busy, you know he is, but you miss your best friend and you want to know if he missed you too. If his determination to marry has been shaken by any measure with you here.

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have told him that you have a boyfriend,” Sungho, ever the voice of reason, points out what changed since your phone call with Jaehyun and you give it a thought.

“Did he say anything about it? When it was just the two of you?”

“He told me that he will make my life hell if I break your heart,” he says, amused, but his pause is too sudden, so you wait for him to continue. Eventually he does. “I told him it’s more likely that you will break mine. He agreed. That’s about it.”

The concept of breaking Sungho’s heart is foreign. You have never seen him in love or heartbroken, he never really talked about that kind of stuff even though the company dinner was just one occasion of many when you saw him getting numbers.

“So you both think I’m a heartbreaker, huh. What a slander,” you click your tongue pseudo-offended.

“I mean I saw you reject that heart-eyed intern…”

“I’m not into younger guys and he confessed in public! I hate that kind of thing,” you huff with a little shove at Sungho’s shoulder. He lets out a laugh as he dramatically stumbles backwards and the sound of it echoes in your ears. You have always liked his unguarded laughter.

When the song ends with Sungho dipping you, his palm secure on your waist and his smile matching yours, somehow you forget about Jaehyun watching.

One more cocktail and a long-winded discussion with Haerim’s K-drama obsessed aunt about the film industry later, you’re back in the hotel room actively trying to become one with the soft blankets.

Sungho is in the shower when there’s a knock on the door, so you have to be the one to get it even if you want to do nothing less. A groan escapes you as you push yourself up since you’re just tipsy enough for your head to not appreciate the sudden movement. At least you get to the door without stumbling, that’s a win, and when you open it, the sight in front of you is sobering enough.

“Hey,” Jaehyun smiles sheepishly, his right hand stuck halfway between a knock and an awkward wave. He looks two seconds away from fleeting as he glances behind you. He must be expecting Sungho. “Are you free for a bit?”

“Yes, of course,” you nod without thinking and step out to the corridor, pulling the door closed behind you.

“I remember that concert,” Jaehyun points at your chest and you glance down automatically. You have an old merch tee on, one you had since college because its soft cotton material is perfect for sleeping. You bought it at an indie band gig you had gone to together with Jaehyun because he hadn’t wanted you to go alone.

“We had the time of our lives that day,” you look up with a smile as nostalgia washes over you. “I’m pretty sure you enjoyed the concert more than me even though you hadn’t even heard about the band before.”

“Yeah, well, I think I mostly had fun because you had fun,” Jaehyun says and there’s something there in the way he says it, something so subtle you can’t quite pinpoint what it is. There’s a playful grin playing on his lips but there’s a shade of melancholy in his eyes. You aren’t ready to address it though, not yet.

“I miss those times when we could just show up at each other’s dorm like this and hang out. Living so far from each other sucks,” you end up saying instead and slide down by the wall to sit on the cushioned corridor floor. It’s a weird thing to do in a fancy hotel but it’s more awkward to just stand there while you’re in your pajamas and Jaehyun is still in his suit-and-tie outfit, his blue necktie (that matched Haerim’s dress) crooked slightly. He doesn’t even question your actions, doesn’t tell you to get up. No, he has always been with you when you did silly stuff like this and it seems like it’s something that hasn’t changed.

“But you love living in Busan,” he points out after he sits down, his shoulder lightly brushing yours. Something coils in your stomach at the accidental touch.

“More than I expected actually. It has city vibes and chill beaches too,” you muse out loud, thinking of those exhausting days when after work you and Sungho go down to the sea with a can of beer in hand and suddenly everything feels better.

“And it has Sungho too,” Jaehyun adds to your list. It makes you pause for a moment, confused, wondering whether you said that last part out loud, but then you just shrug it off.

“Yeah, I guess it has.”

Sungho with his crisp Seoul dialect is even more of an outsider in the beach town than you are, so even though you met him there, you don’t associate him strongly with the city. But you’re glad he’s there with you, that’s true. He’s a good person, his level-headedness balances out your impulses and he’s supportive enough to come with you for this wedding just because you asked. He’s even willing to play your boyfriend just to save your dignity. He has seen your drama queen moments and he’s still here.

“But I still miss you, you know?” You turn your head towards your best friend, tasting ache on your tongue as the too-honest words leave your mouth.

“I miss you too,” Jaehyun replies automatically, the smile on his lips turning mellow. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you tell him and you mean that. Even if you never imagined him getting married – not really, not even with you despite that inner joke of yours – it’s still true. You would want to be there at every important event of his life.

Silence settles between you, or at least as much of a silence as it’s possible in a hotel full of guests. A baby cries a floor away and a couple is arguing in front of the elevator just down the corridor. But in the middle of it all, you realize with startling clarity that it’s the first time it has been just the two of you, just how you wanted. It’s nice, cozy, but it misses the butterflies one would expect from having a crush nearby. Is it because it’s been so long since you’ve seen each other?

Jaehyun is nibbling on his lower lip, a nervous tick of his, so you know there’s more he wants to say he just doesn’t know how. Of course, he has something to say, he has come to your room to specifically seek you out, but here you are getting lost in nostalgia on the floor. Anticipating builds in your guts seeing Jaehyun’s hesitancy and when he speaks up, you can only blink in surprise.

“Haerim and I… we don’t even have a song, you know. Is that a bad sign?”

You think back to Sungho stealing you away for your song, to Jaehyun’s eyes following you, to all the years when you thought that down the road you would be the right ones for each other without having to say anything.

“Are you having second thoughts?” You ask cautiously.

It’s exactly what you wanted to hear before you came to Jeju, you wanted him to have doubts, but it’s not as satisfying as you hoped it would be.

“I’m afraid she’s just settling with me and she will regret it,” Jaehyun mutters, staring at his polished shoes and the implications of his words boil your blood.

“Hey, come on! You’re such a catch! Anybody would be lucky to have you,” you don’t even care how loud your voice gets as you rush to protest because what? Somebody regretting being with Jaehyun? They would have to be mad. “Is it the money? Is that what makes you feel this way?”

You lower your voice because that’s the only reason you can think of. Does he feel pressured to provide Haerim the princess lifestyle she has grown up in? Did she or her family ever make him feel less because of his middle class background?

“No! That was never the issue with us. I don’t know… Sometimes I just feel like I’m not enough. Or that I’m actually too much,” he sighs, looking down at your hand over his, the first thing you could grab on in your vehement reactions. Your fingers tremble. “Before Haerim, you were the only person I was this comfortable with. But I held back even with you.”

“You did?” Your voice breaks as the arrow pierces deeper into your heart. Jaehyun looks into your eyes with a sad smile playing on his lips. In his eyes, you see a younger version of yourselves, naive and wild. Stupid.

“You never liked being held for long. You never liked hearing ‘cringe’ things like I love yous.”

Point well made. You were also always quick to argue with strangers who mistook you for a couple. When Jaehyun flirted, you flirted back twice as hard, going along with his mischief because he did that with all his friends, girls and boys alike, but you always treated it as a joke, even when it didn’t sound like one. It felt safer that way. Those I love yous though, they were as platonic as they could get and you rarely said it back. As if articulating them out loud would have changed everything.

“But… just because I’m not saying it out loud, it doesn’t mean I don’t–”

Surely he knows, he has to know. You have been friends for almost a decade. He’s one of the most important people in your life.

“I know, but Y/N… sometimes people need to hear it,” he whispers and there’s a moment there, suspended in time and space, as you look into his always warm chocolate brown eyes that you almost give in. Your heart feels like it’s on the verge of splitting open and spilling your guts. All the ugly parts, right here onto the pristine hotel corridor.

But then something buzzes and Jaehyun rips his gaze from you, his hand slipping from under yours to get his phone.

You clear your throat and look away, exhaling shakily.

“Uhm… I have to go. Haerim needs me,” your best friend excuses himself with worry evident in his voice and you wipe off the non-existent dirt from your clothes as you get up from the floor. 

“Yeah, of course, you should go,” you force a smile onto your lips.

“Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that I’m happy that things are working out for you and Sungho. I know you don’t like excessive PDA and he seems to be similar in that sense which is great,” Jaehyun adds in a hurry, as if it’s an afterthought from your previous conversation.

It leaves you feeling gutted but you can do nothing but watch him walk away, back to his fiancée.

Sungho doesn’t say anything when he opens the door to you. He doesn’t even scold you for forgetting to take a key card with you. He doesn’t ask what you were doing out there in your sleepwear, but you have a feeling that he knows. He just puts away the book he has been reading and switches off the bedside lamp when you slip under the covers next to him.

It’s dark and quiet but sleep doesn’t come easy. After a few long minutes you give up.

“Sungho?”

He hums half-asleep.

“Was I mean? At the party?” You whisper, thinking back on your attitude and that maybe it was too much, maybe you made Haerim cry and Jaehyun will hate you for it when she tells him.

The question is followed by silence for long enough for you to think that Sungho might have fallen asleep in the meantime.

“No. You were just hurt,” he answers eventually with some tired rowdiness in his voice but his words wash over you like a balm you didn’t know you needed. If asked, you would blame your next actions on the sentimentality of the moment, on feeling seen and understood, but you damn hope nobody will ask why you snuggle close to your fake boyfriend, why you mold yourself against his side when you have a huge bed.

You feel Sungho tense against you, his body going rigid for a moment before relaxing. You half-expect him to laugh, to call you a child, to pull away–

But when he moves, it’s only to slide an arm under your head and hold you close.

Neither of you says anything and you close your eyes, your thundering heart calming down.

Even in the dark, there’s something comforting about Sungho’s closeness. He smells like fresh laundry and the hominess of movie dates. Like something loved and familiar.

You drift to dreamland within what feels like seconds.

2 DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING

On Wednesday, you’re checking out the wedding venue. It’s decorated with lisianthus and tea roses and even though you have no idea how to tell apart one white flower from another white flower or tea roses from normal roses, Haerim felt it was important to point that detail out.

Jaehyun and she walk in the front, following the event manager, while Sungho and you are a few steps behind them. You really don’t get why you’re here though, not until the couple doesn’t agree on a color or a seating arrangement and suddenly, your opinion matters. Temporarily at least because at the end, Jaehyun will go with whatever Haerim wants anyways and she kisses him on the mouth for that. Whenever that happens, something uncomfortable brews in your stomach. You can’t tell if it’s jealousy, envy or something else entirely.

Admittedly, the cake tasting is the best part of the day’s itinerary. You take a picture of all six options to send them to Sanghyuk later, so he knows what he’s missing out on just because he couldn’t cancel his dance classes ahead of a competition.

“Here, try this,” Sungho holds out a forkful of the white chocolate vanilla cake for you while you’re angling your phone over another dessert. Without thinking, you lean in to let him feed you. You don’t really realise how corny it is until you notice Jaehyun’s surprised face, but even then you focus on Sungho beaming at you.

“It’s good, isn’t it?” He asks with sparkling eyes and white-dusted mouth, his childlike enthusiasm endearing.

“Yeah, it’s really good,” you agree after swallowing. Then you reach out to wipe off the sugar powder from the corner of his lips. It’s a subtle action, you don’t really think much into it but color fills Sungho’s cheeks and you can’t help but think that it’s a good look on him.

On your way back you spontaneously end up at a noraebang. It’s Sungho’s idea because apparently he and Jaehyun promised to do a duet one day and it’s as good of a time as any. Haerim seems clearly uncomfortable with the idea of singing, so you tell her that it’s okay, she doesn’t have to come. The moment you tell her that though, something like determination flares in her eyes and she decides to join the fun anyways. Of course, she wouldn’t leave you alone with her fiance now, would she? You smile at her as if you didn’t see through her and tell her that she will be the first one to sing then.

It’s a mistake because Haerim comes over her discomfort halfway through the song but you have to listen to an IU song’s totally debauchered, off-key and zero rhythm version until the end. Nothing is sacred anymore. Not to mention how Jaehyun coos at her and tells her how well she did and you can just sit there and drink your soju like this performance didn’t traumatize your eardrums. Luckily, Sungho’s rendition of ballads and Jaehyun’s hip hop song covers raise the bar of the night.

The biggest surprise of the night comes later though, when after finishing your second bottle of peach flavoured soju, you go to the restroom and Haerim’s suddenly there by the time you open the door to the handwash area.

“Jeez,” you put a hand on your chest to ease the fright she caused while she just giggles, clearly more drunk than you are.

“Unnieee~ I’m so glad you’re here,” she mumbles as she half-hugs you from behind while you wash your hands, pressing her rosy cheeks against your shoulder. It’s almost unsettling because her clinginess is very Jaehyun-like. It’s cute. Not to mention, there’s nobody to fake niceties for there nor does she look like she’s in the state to do so, so she must actually mean it. You don’t know how to feel about that. “It’s so fun. I have always wondered how Jaehyun was at college, what it would have been like to be there together.”

“You didn’t miss out on a lot. Both of us were a mess at college,” you shake your head and close the tap. Haerim finds your answer quite funny because she’s chuckling right into the material of your shirt.

“Jaehyunnie is still a mess sometimes, but shh…” The girl’s head lulls to the side as she puts a finger against her lips. “I love  him a lot. He’s my mess.”

“Alright, he’s all yours,” you mutter, tasting the sharp bitterness of alcohol on your tongue as you peel her off your back, help her empty her stomach into the toilet bowl while holding her hair and walk her back to the karaoke room, so that your best friend can coddle her. You don’t miss the worried look on Sungho’s face as you sit down next to him. Somehow it makes you want to laugh… or cry. Or both.

Soju hits you harder than those cocktails from two days ago. You reach this conclusion on your own as you sit on the toilet lid in your hotel bathroom, feeling strangely emotional.

“They are perfect together, aren’t they?” You whisper, your bottom lip wobbling. It’s not a real question, you know the answer. “Whenever I watch them, I feel like a villain from a Disney original.”

Sungho moves smoothly around you, fluid like water. He doesn’t seem tipsy at all as he gets a makeup wipe from your bag and crouches down in front of you to assess the situation. You smile at him slowly, mellow before closing your eyes and only flinch a bit when the wet material touches your face. Sungho whispers sorry immediately as if it was his fault.

“I’m not jealous though. At least I don’t think so. Is it envy? That I think we could have had that?” you mumble, the words spilling out like something broke inside you. “Or maybe not. Is it weird that I only realised I have a crush to begin with when I moved away and couldn’t see him regularly? I didn’t even think about it until you asked.”

Sungho doesn’t answer, just continues to wipe away all the makeup products until your face is bare and glowy with your favourite night serum. He smoothes out the frown on your forehead with gentle fingers and when you blink your eyes open, you find his almond eyes bore into yours like he never wants to look away even if it hurts him.

“I think you need closure,” he says and from his mouth it sounds so simple, so logical. “Tell him how you feel and if he rejects you, at least you can move on.”

If he rejects you, he says as if you still had a chance, as if you didn’t spend the last four days watching the couple behaving disgustingly lovey-dovey. You shake your head vehemently.

“I can’t tell him. He will choose Haerim. Why wouldn’t he? She’s kind and pretty and rich. She’s perfect.”

Actually it’s not the rejection that scares you, you aren’t the type to take such things to heart. Losing your best friend is the scariest part of all.

“Y/N…” Sungho’s voice is soft like a lullaby as he calls your name and his thumb caressing your cheek is ever so gentle. “People don’t care about perfection when they fall in love. They just fall.”

You want to ask him if he’s familiar with the feeling. Of falling without knowing there’s a safety net. But exhaustion blankets your body like an invisible weight and your forehead drops onto his shoulder. Half-asleep, you hear him murmur something about you being a handful but it sounds terribly fond as he slides a hand underneath your knees and carries you to bed. You scrunch your nose at the tickling feelings of something in your face but soon your breathing evens out to the rhythm of fingers raking through your hair.

1 DAY UNTIL THE WEDDING

The day before the wedding starts with you dealing with the consequences of your drinking habits and making bad life decisions. Just the usual.

When Sungho gets back from the gym, you’re eating the hangover soup he has left behind with a sticky note on your bedside table. (You really don’t deserve his unwavering kindness; you owe him big time when you get back to Busan.) He greets you casually and heads to the bathroom only to make a double take and turn back around.

“Y/N… Why are we having a wedding dress in our room?” He asks suspiciously as he stares at the two garment bags hanging from the wardrobe’s doors, one of them unmistakably containing white silk material.

Well, about that…

“You stole Haerim’s wedding dress?” Sungho’s voice rises higher as realization dawns onto him.

“I can explain! I panicked,” you throw up your hands in defence and really, it wasn’t like you had planned it. It just happened.

You were still very much half-asleep and fighting demons (a headache) when the dress shop called saying that they could have your last dress delivered because they finished with the fitting. It was the shop assistant who brought up Haerim and how they couldn’t reach her earlier this morning. It just slipped out that they could deliver her dress to your hotel as well. You were just trying to be helpful until you realized this was the perfect opportunity to stir drama.

“So… let me get this straight: you want to test whether Haerim would throw a fit over the missing dress? Because if she doesn’t she might deserve your best friend?” Sungho tilts his head, confused. You don’t blame him. Your explanation was like 3 stars at best. Two and half for the effort probably.

“Exactly!”

Sungho stares at you in disbelief for five long seconds and just when you think he will let out a disappointed sigh or shoot you a judgemental look (you wouldn’t blame him for either), he bursts out laughing like it’s the funniest thing he has heard lately.

“You keep surprising me,” he shakes his head with an amused smile still playing on his lips before turning back towards the bathroom like he originally intended.

“That’s a good thing, right?” You call after him and even when the bathroom door is closed between you, you just raise your voice. “Right?”

You never get a verbal answer but Sungho doesn’t act differently while you get ready for the tea ceremony, so that’s good enough for you. When he gets your purse that you left behind and you fix his crooked tie, it’s actually awfully domestic. Maybe all those years studying film did both of you a favour because at this point you could win outstanding rookie actor awards.

By the time you make it to the gorgeous hanok house, the guests are already piling up. You recognize some from the cocktail party but see new faces too. Introductions are rushed though because the ceremony is starting with Jaehyun and Haerim in the front in traditional hanboks. Everybody has a tray of supplies in front of them and you all follow along with the instructor. Once it’s done and everybody enjoys their herbal tea, the event turns more flexible with most of the guests talking in the garden. With your awfully bitter tea in hand, at least you can’t get swayed by alcohol. You really should not drink because you keep getting yourself into ridiculous situations. But honestly, you’re good at making nonsense decisions even sober.

That’s why you play it safe after Sungho joins in on a conversation about FIFA with Haerim’s brother and rather look for familiar faces in the sea of people. You end up dissing the ex-boxfriend of one of the cousins you talked with a few days prior and the drama of it actually takes your mind off the craziness surrounding you for a bit. Then after putting down your empty cup in the kitchen area, you spot Jaehyun’s mother alone in the inner garden, admiring a small pond with koi fish. 

“Eomonim!” You greet her with a wide smile as you run up to her. The woman embraces you with all the motherly love she has to give. You never understood how Jaehyun could be so generous with his love and kindness even towards strangers, but after you met his family, it was easy to see. He had grown up surrounded by love and all of its forms. “How are you doing these days? Are your migraines getting better?”

“Yes, dear, thank you for asking. What about you? How is life in Busan treating you?” Jaehyun’s mother smiles, all warmth and familiarity. She’s genuinely interested when you tell her about the preparations for the upcoming BIFF festival. She has always been supportive and treated you like a daughter she never had. You remember Jaehyun coming back from winter break to the dorm with extra food for you as if your own mother didn’t send some.

“...so yeah, we will be pretty busy with Sungho,” you wrap up your yapping about the big annual project at your workplace. You’re excited because you genuinely love being involved in film-related events, so it’s something you like about your job even if it can be a pain in the ass a lot of times.

“Is Sungho the good looking man who came with you?” The woman nudges your arm playfully and you chuckle at that obviously teasing tone of hers.

“Yeah, that’s him,” you mutter hoping that she won’t ask details about your relationship because explicitly lying to Jaehyun’s mother would feel like a new low when she has been nothing but kind to you.

“I see. It’s funny now but for a while I thought that maybe you and Jaehyunie would… you know. Silly, I know, but I guess it wasn’t meant to be,” she says goodheartedly and the words lodge something in the back of your throat. You force a smile, hopefully a convincing one instead of one that says ‘you and I both, eomonim’.

The woman’s words stay with you even later, they follow you like a haunting ghost. You practically feel their effect whenever you catch a sight of Jaehyun smiling somewhere in the crowd. It’s half a cup of bitter nostalgia of could have beens and a splash of anger because were you really that delusional when you thought even just for a moment that he looked at you differently from how a best friend would? Was it that wrong of you to hope? You never liked being wrong.

You’re so deep in your thoughts that at first the cold drops on your shoulder don’t even register in your mind. Then suddenly like somebody opened a tap, it’s not just a few droplets anymore, it’s pouring against the bright summer sun’s backdrop. The guests yelp and scatter inside the hanok to save themselves from the rain. It’s a bit cramped like this, you only find a spot right under the roof where rainwater tickles down to a jar.

“Muffin, no! Come back here!” Somebody yells and you look around to see what’s the commotion about.

It turns out to be about a small Pomeranian running out to the rain probably chasing a butterfly or something. The elderly lady whose dog it must be however looks so distraught that she would definitely get up and go after the dog if Haerim’s aunt wasn’t stopping her. A little rain probably won’t hurt the puppy but if the gates are open and it goes out to the road…

You step out into the rain without thinking. You grab at your skirt to not step on its hem as your heels click on the cobblestone. It’s a warm early summer day, the raindrops feel almost refreshing against your skin, so you don’t mind it that much even though you can feel it soak the material of your dress and it starts uncomfortably sticking to your skin. You brush the wet strands of hair out of your face almost triumphant when rounding the hanok, you spot the cute dog waving its tail and staring at the wind chime by the gate. You let out a relieved chuckle as you approach it carefully to not spook it.

“Hey, Muffin, that’s not a toy, let’s go back,” you crouch down, smiling when the Pomeranian lets out adorable barks. Then the puppy starts sprinting straight towards you and a moment later you have an armful of fluffy cuteness. By the time you make it back to the hanok, your dress is drenched and stamped by muddy paws. It’s not a see-through material and laundry services exist for a reason, so you’re not worried too much but Haerim’s aunt and the dog owner lady are horrified, so they usher you towards the restroom in the back.

You’re halfway there, dripping all over the fine tiles despite the dry blanket somebody draped over your shoulders, when Jaehyun steps out to the corridor too. He has that concerned look on his face, the exact one he always had on when you did something stupid, something he would have also done if he were you, the one where you have always wondered: do friends look at each other like this? His mother’s words echo in your ears again but now they spur you on, to do something, to–

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Sungho steps right in front of you seemingly out of nowhere and startled, you halt in your steps to look up at him, at the clear worry in his eyes, his furrowed forehead and the jut of his lips.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just a bit of rain, I’m not made of sugar,” you tell him, aiming for lighthearted but there’s a strain in your voice you can’t help as you see Jaehyun stop short just a few steps behind him. Suddenly you don’t want him to come closer.

“You will catch a cold,” Sungho mumbles and he sounds exasperated as if you being sick was the worst thing that could happen on Earth. It’s sweet, the way he cares, and your breath hitches when he tucks your wet hair behind your ear and wipes the rain droplets from your face with a tissue. He’s a bit clumsy with it because he’s being overly careful. It’s as endearing as annoying because he’s getting nowhere like this. You reach up to take the tissue from him but instead, your fingers just curl around his hand and in that moment you both freeze.

Looking into his widened eyes forces you to re-evaluate the situation: the intimate closeness and the heat radiating off his body against your slightly shivering one. His fingertips tremble against your cheeks and deja vu hits you square in the chest, flashes of memories of him worrying and taking care of you. Not just here in Jeju but back in Busan too. You like to think that you’re independent, that you can handle anything on your own and you probably could but it’s nice to have somebody who is always there when you need it. You realise only now just how long he has been that person for you.

“Sungho,” you mumble, his name tasting sweet on your tongue as you take a shaky breath.

You’re distantly aware that it’s like those highlight moments of the romantic movies he likes, a scene you usually grimace at for being too cliché and cringe. Now, it feels like neither. Now, the pit-a-pat of rain in the background sounds like the echo of your heartbeat and everything around you seems dull except him: that unruly strand of hair falling into his eyes, the way his lips part and how the concern in his eyes turns into something softer. Something like a wish upon a star.

It almost happens in slow motion: you let your hand fall and it settles on his shoulder instead. You use it for balance when you push yourself up to the toes of your heels and give in to the urge to do something stupid like kiss him.

“Y/N?” Sungho’s breathless voice breaks the bewitchment when you’re barely a hair’s breadth away. You can even feel his hot breath on your mouth. “What are you doing?”

He sounds bewildered and it feels like a slap. The rejection stings more than you would have expected if you ever entertained the thought. Because it is a rejection, isn’t it? He could have just closed the distance instead of asking stupid questions. You feel yourself flush in embarrassment as you take a much needed step back to put some distance between you. For a moment you feel nauseous like you woke up with a hangover. You want to bite out a sarcastic answer like what does it look like? but end up swallowing it back and looking for a believable reason. An excuse that doesn’t make you feel cracked open, vulnerable, that doesn’t showcase just how much it hurt that he stopped you.

“Jaehyun watches, so I thought we could make him jealous,” you blurt out because it’s the easiest excuse, the stupidly obvious one because really, why else would you have tried to kiss your best friend who is also your temporary fake boyfriend if not so your supposed other best friend could see it and get jealous? It’s exactly the kind of plan you would have come up with. It’s a movie cliché, so Sungho should have seen it coming but instead you watch his face fall in real-time. You watch him gulp and his face morph into unrecognizable seriousness.

“Y/N… I’m a man too, you know?”

“Of course I know that,” you snort because how could you not? He might have a face prettier than the entire guest list of this wedding but at the end of the day he’s a guy. A guy who barely a minute ago looked like he wanted to kiss you. What were you supposed to think? And why does he suddenly think that you don’t view him as a man? It just doesn’t make sense.

“No. You don’t get it,” he says, firm and devastating. It sounds almost sad and you are so confused. The corner of Sungho’s mouth twitches like he wants to say something more but eventually talks himself out of it. He doesn’t say anything, just turns on his heels to walk out to the rain, leaving you shivering in the corridor.

“Did you two just have a fight?”

You jump a little in surprise when Jaehyun appears by your side. You kind of forgot about him with the whole almost kiss ordeal.

“I’m not sure,” you mumble because you never fought with Sungho before. Sure, you bickered a lot (mostly about movies and romance, or how you should take better care of yourself, or him not knowing how to loosen up, normal stuff like that, friends stuff) but this time there was no playful undertone to it. Normal friends don’t get into situations like this, do they?

“This really isn’t our day,” Jaehyun says wistfully and hands you a towel. You take it automatically and realize that it must have been why he approached you to begin with. It makes you want to laugh hysterically. Did you really almost think more into a towel?

“What’s wrong with yours?” You raise an eyebrow as you turn to him.

The tea ceremony was gorgeous and fancy and even the rain didn’t kill the mood. Everything looked perfect as an outsider. They will probably have the most beautiful wedding imaginable tomorrow and you will sit in the front row watching it happen because no amount of embarrassing stories of your best friend could apparently change Haerim’s mind nor does it seem like Jaehyun is having second thoughts. It’s exactly the kind of romance he has always wanted and you’re not selfish enough to take that away from him.

“I thought I lost the ring this morning and Haerim got mad about it. Luckily I found it but now she doesn’t have her dress because the assistant who handled the delivery is on vacation and they somehow don’t know where it was sent, so she’s panicking,” Jaehyun sighs and you try not to choke on thin air.

Shit. You kind of forgot about that too, that you have an entire wedding dress lying around in your hotel room. What sounded like the perfect kind of plan this morning, now doesn’t make you feel good at all. Especially because it just added to the pile of worries they already have about the wedding.

“Is she mad at you about that too?” You ask tentatively. Because him losing the ring is one thing but the dress… he has nothing to do with that.

“No. She thinks it’s her fault,” Jaehyun clarifies and you make a mental note about asking somebody at the hotel to take the dress to Haerim, saying it was mistakenly delivered to your room. You can at least solve one problem that easily.

“I’m sure it will be sorted out,” you pat Jaehyun’s slumped shoulder a bit awkwardly but he shoots you a grateful smile nevertheless.

“You should make up with Sungho. Or just tell me if you want me to give him The Talk again,” he grins, clearly joking because you never needed his intervention with your boyfriends but you appreciate his attempt to cheer you up. Well, aren’t you two a pair?

There’s cold medicine on your bedside table when you make it back to the hotel but Sungho’s nowhere to be found. His bag and clothes are still in the room, so he didn’t elope like a romance movie heroine. You knew he wouldn’t, he’s too much of a good person to turn his back on you even if you messed up, even if you could make up an excuse why he needed to go back to Busan.

You text him asking him where he is, trying to not sound like a worried – or worse, a possessive – girlfriend. In the meantime, you handle the wedding dress mishap as discreetly as you can, so there’s no evidence of your crime by the time Sungho eventually gets back.

You sit up straight in bed when the keypad chimes and the door opens, an unmistakable wave of awkwardness pulling you tight on strings like a marionette. It’s weird, being nervous around Sungho. He gives you a tight-lipped smile but goes straight to the bathroom without saying anything and in bed, he lies with his back to you for the first time since this whole sharing arrangement. The back of your throat itches with all the unsaid things burning inside. You can’t take this silence, especially because you know you’re the one to blame.

“Sungho…”

You try to make things right but he beats you to it.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that,” he says and it just feels wrong. Aren’t you supposed to be the one who apologies? And ‘snap at you’? Was it really that? He needs to work on his snapping skills if he wants to get that message across.

“Are you mad at me?” You ask quietly in the darkness of the room because you need to know, and you need to know how to make it up to him. You can't lose him over something like this. A silly misunderstanding, isn’t it? 

“No,” he says without a hesitation. It doesn’t sound like a lie but he still doesn’t turn around, so it doesn’t really ease the pressure on your chest.

“I’m sorry that I tried to kiss you,” you utter and just like that it’s out there. Bolded. Underlined. Acknowledged out loud. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter that you thought that it was mutual, that he was okay with it, you still feel bad for making him uncomfortable.

The sound Sungho lets out is an unfunny laugh, a little choked up.

“Y/N, it’s not…” He pauses then takes a deep breath like he’s preparing himself for something inevitable. “I’m not mad about that.”

You hold your breath but for three long seconds there’s nothing but silence. Even the hum of the AC quiets down and then–

“I’m mad because I wish it wasn’t just for the show.”

“What?” You mutter dumbly and your eyes widen in the dark even though you see nothing more than the silhouette of Sungho’s broad shoulders in an arm’s length.

“Good night, Y/N,” Sungho’s voice turns carefully neutral and firm. His dismissal sounds final and you respect him enough to give him the space he clearly asks for.

The hotel bed has never felt so huge, so cold. You lie awake, mulling over his words, until exhaustion drags you down just before the sun rises.

WEDDING DAY

As one of the universe’s unchangeable laws probably states: Sungho was right.

You hate to admit it but you do need closure. You need to close this chapter of your life because you can’t be hung up on Jaehyun. You want him to be happy more than anything and if Haerim makes him feel that way, that’s good enough for you, you will wish them nothing but happiness. But before that, you need him to know the truth. You are best friends after all, you can’t have a secret like this fester between you like a wound.

So yeah, first you deal with Jaehyun. Then, Sungho.

You knock on the slightly open bathroom door and wait for Sungho’s hum before you push it further. He stands in front of the mirror in the well-fitted white t-shirt he wears to sleep, shaving foam on his face and razor in hand.

“Uhm, I have a salon appointment with Haerim and the bridesmaids. And I… I also need to talk with Jaehyun,” you say, somehow nervous, which is ridiculous, but Sungho barely acknowledges the statement as he glides the razor blades across his jawline and your throat goes dry. Holy moly, since when have you found shaving hot? You quickly clear your throat. “Let’s meet at the reception before the wedding?”

“Yeah, okay, see you there,” Sungho agrees easily and you slip away before you could catch his eyes in the mirror following you.

The moment you step out of the hotel room, you text Jaehyun asking if he has time to meet you for a bit. You almost make up an excuse of going over your to-dos as his best woman as if you didn’t have a whole rehearsal two days ago but then decide against it because the Jaehyun you know isn’t the type who would only spare some of his time if it’s about the wedding, not even on his wedding day. When he texts back that he’s dropping Haerim off at the salon, suggesting to meet there, you agree in relief. It’s as good of a place as any.

By the time you get there, Jaehyun is already waiting for you. He has an extra cup of coffee in his hands and a smile on his face. The morning sunlight is hitting him just right and it reminds you of your college days when he would sunbathe while leaning against the brick walls on campus waiting for your class to end. You have always thought that he looked like a main character of a college romance drama but still rolled your eyes when girls walking by giggled at his sight. Now, he looks more mature – he’s wearing a tucked in dress shirt for god’s sake and not an oversized tee with baggy jeans – but his smile is the same, all teeth and wide enough to make his eyes narrow.

“Thanks,” you mutter and take the coffee he got for you. Iced Americano just how you like it.

Your nails dig into the plastic cup and the condensation dripping all over your fingers almost makes you forget that your palms are sweating for a reason that has nothing with the June weather. You need to get this over with.

“Let’s sit down. I have something to tell you,” you point towards the little park across the street. There’s no reason to prolong this anymore. It has already been too long.

“What’s going on? You’re scaring me,” Jaehyun says jokingly but he still follows your lead and sits down on the first bench you come across.

You take a deep breath and turn towards him, dozens of scenarios running through your head, dozens of what ifs that might drive you crazy. Funny how you’re the rational, T-type friend between the two of you but when it comes to Jaehyun, you’ve never been able to rationalize.

“Remember that silly promise we had? About marrying each other if things don’t work out?” You start off with an itchy feeling in the back of your throat. It’s like scraping at the edge of a plaster, getting ready to rip it off, mentally preparing for the pain.

“Yeah…”

“Well, it turns out I took it more seriously than I expected. I didn’t even realize how much until your invitation,” you let out a little laugh and it should be embarrassing but Jaehyun has lived through too many embarrassing things with you for the shame to really settle. “I know it’s too late to tell you now and it’s not like I expect anything but I need to get this off my chest.”

This is the moment. The summer sun paints a halo around Jaehyun. You squint to look at him and he stares back wide-eyed, not joking anymore. You wonder whether you ever stood a chance even before saying anything. Maybe you have already wasted it.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve been in love with you for a while.”

It’s out. Clear as the sky, no room for misunderstanding and it feels–

Underwhelming.

You’re not even nervous about Jaehyun’s answer because you know what he will say and somehow you’re okay with it. Not disappointed or angry, just… relieved.

But the first thing he asks is: “What about Sungho?”

“We don’t date for real. We just faked it to make you jealous,” you wince as you say that last part out loud, the ice clinking loudly against the plastic cup in your hand, so you put it down. Suddenly, fake dating sounds like a worse thing to do than confessing to somebody soon-to-be married.

“Well, it kind of worked. I envied him for knowing you better now than I do,” Jaehyun says with no judgement in his eyes but his voice turns to that softer version of itself when he tries to comfort somebody. “But Y/N..,”

“You love Haerim. I know,” you cut him off with a half-smile because somehow the knowledge doesn’t hurt.

“There was a time when I could have loved you like that. But… it wouldn’t have worked with us,” Jaehyun says, pensive, melancholy seeping through his vowels, and the worst part is that you know he’s right. You’re too different. You would have said something harsh that only ended up with him being hurt or he wouldn’t have given you space when you needed it and the frustration of it would have driven you apart. It would have had a bitter end. You would have lost him eventually.

“I know,” you mutter but Jaehyun doesn’t seem quite finished.

“We have known each other for so long, Y/N, so let me be honest with you. I think you’re afraid to be vulnerable with somebody new and possibly get hurt. I don’t think you are really in love with me. I’m honoured if you are but… I think you just believe it’s safe. Loving me. Especially now,” he says and if it wasn’t him, you would probably feel annoyed having your feelings invalidated. But Jaehyun is one of the few people out there who really gets you. Maybe he’s right. Maybe that’s why it was surprisingly easy to accept the truth after you confirmed that Haerim loves him too. Maybe that’s why the whole thing with Sungho got so messy.

“That’s the most creative way anybody rejected me,” you sniffle with a chuckle stuck in your throat because for once you can’t help it. This feels like the end of something. Oh gosh, when did you become so emotional? It’s really unlike you.

“Come here,” Jaehyun opens his arms with a smile and even now he respects your boundaries, letting you come to him on your own terms. Can anybody really blame you for being a little bit in love with him?

“I’m sorry. For everything I did. The embarrassing stories, the– uhm, the wedding dress… I just… I was scared of losing you,” you murmur into his shoulder, feeling much lighter now that everything is out and you don’t have to pretend anymore or keep secrets.

“You won’t lose me. I will always be here. As your best friend. Or at least one of them,” Jaehyun promises, his hand’s pat-pat on your back a bit coddling. It makes you smile but the gesture freezes onto your face the next moment when you see Haerim next to their car and how she takes in the sight before turning on her heels.

You swear under your breath and stumble to your feet, peeling yourself out of Jaehyun’s arms.

“Haerim,” you explain simply when hurt starts showing in your best friend’s eyes and then he’s on his feet too, whipping his head towards the salon and his fiancée’s disappearing figure.

“Let me talk with her,” you stop Jaehyun with a hand on his chest before he could sprint after her and instead you’re the one running. It’s funny because you didn’t think you would actually chase somebody down like this. Ever. Normally you can’t even be bothered to run after the bus. Lucky for you (and your joke of a stamina), Haerim doesn’t actually run far. She has an appointment to have her hair and makeup done for the wedding after all.

“Haerim, wait!” You call after her after the salon’s automatic doors open for you and you see her round the corner. You don’t care about the receptionist who’s clearly annoyed that your loud ass interrupted her doomscrolling on Tiktok. At least, Haerim falters enough for you to catch up with her.

You aren’t sure how you expected her to react. She knows how touchy Jaehyun is with his friends, so the hug couldn’t have surprised her that much, but after everything you have done? Maybe she had the reason to be wary or angry or hurt. But when she turns around there’s only quiet confidence and determination in her eyes.

“What?” She crosses her arms in front of her chest and raises her chin. Gone is the bubbly, excited girl and it feels shitty to know that you kind of deserve why she’s acting like this.

“I have something to tell you,” you say, getting ready for another rehearsed monologue you had time to put together during your restless night but Haerim doesn’t seem impressed.

“About why you took my wedding dress or is there something else I should know about?”

Oh.

“You knew?” You blurt out dumbly while the audience around you gasps at the information. Great, now your issues are broadcasted to an entire salon of girls getting their hair done.

“The staff told me they sent it to you, I just didn’t want Jaehyun to know,” Haerim explains and now it makes sense why the reason Jaehyun recited about the lost dress was so weird. But at the same time, the fact that she made it up just so your best friend wouldn’t know about your schemes is something you never expected.

“Why didn’t you come to me?”

“I hoped you would return it,” she admits and her expression softens. “Look, I know you’re not a bad person. You went after my grandma’s dog, you comforted my cousin who got broken up with, you held my hair when I was sick and you are a big part of Jaehyun’s life whether I like it or not. But you have to understand that I don’t know where this puts us.”

Haerim casts her eyes down as she lets out a frustrated sigh.

Yeah, you get that. Jaehyun has always been ‘your person’ and you can’t imagine life without him. But now suddenly, there is another person in his life who is just as important as you if not more. It must have been weird on her end too, to accept a girl best friend who has been so deeply intertwined with Jaehyun’s past as you are.

“When he told me that he invited you I was scared because every time he talked about you he smiled. Sometimes randomly he mentioned you when something reminded him of you and I was afraid that maybe he was more attached than he realized. Of course, I was jealous and then you came and started telling me all these stupid things as if I cared that he didn’t shower for 3 days once in college or that he used to cuddle with you during horror movie nights.”

“I’m sorry. It was a stupid idea,” you mumble, ashamed because your attempts to draw them apart suddenly sound ridiculous. The strangers around you murmur amongst themselves though as if this was the best hot gossip they could have imagined. “Actually, I’m sorry for all the hurtful, embarrassing things I have done in the last few days. I have no better excuse than I was afraid that it would change everything between Jaehyun and me. He’s my best friend and I didn’t want to lose him. But I also want him to be happy. And it looks like he is. With you.”

You thought it would hurt to admit it but it feels a lot like relief. Like closure. Haerim seems to consider it. You and your change of heart, then she smiles a bit shyly and you can’t help but think that she’s cute.

“I really do love him, you know? I would have married him in a potato sack too if I had to. I don’t really care about the dress or this whole thing,” she waves around in the salon but she probably means everything else. Not just the professionally done hair, makeup, nails but also the fancy destination wedding, the detailed itinerary, the expensive cake, the flower arrangements and hundreds of guests. All that flitter and gold and carats on her ring finger. “Because I love him and if he wanted, I would run away with him.”

Somebody coos loudly at the romantic declaration from the background and for once, you don’t find it cringe because this is exactly the kind of love your best friend deserves. 

“I know we started off on the wrong foot. Mostly because of me. But if you would still like me as a sister, I would be happy to be one for you in the future. I mean it,” you promise and suddenly you have an armful of Woo Haerim with her doe eyes teary and lower lip trembling. It takes you a full five seconds to reciprocate the hug and not just stand there awkwardly.

Surprisingly it’s Gahyun, Haerim’s I’m-not-even-trying-to-pretend-to-like-you best friend, who saves you from dying from hug overload.

“Are you two coming or not?” She asks, shooting you a wary look which you kind of deserve. Haerim wipes her tears and links her arms with both of you and pulls you towards the hair dresser stations. Somewhere between getting your hair curled and sharing intel about the cute hotel receptionist guy with Gahyun you remember to send Jaehyun a text that it’s all good and for the first time you set foot on Jeju island you really think so.

At the wedding venue, a porter opens the orange taxi’s door from outside and offers you a hand. You have to lift the pink tulle skirt to avoid stepping on it as you get out and walk down the path framed by flowers. The material of your dress floats around you in the wind as you take the stairs up to the reception area. You spot Sungho in an elegant suit right as you pass through the floral arch and you see the moment he notices you too. His jaw goes slack for a moment, eyes widening in something akin to half-surprise, half-awe before he collects himself and walks up to you.

“You look… wow,” he whispers and his not quite eloquent compliment makes you smile. He must really be impressed because otherwise he’s usually more put together.

“Thanks but don’t get used to it. I can’t wait to put my normal shoes back on, these stiletto heels are killing my ankles,” you tell him with a lowered voice as if you were sharing a secret. It’s not really a secret though, not really, since he knows how you usually dress. Now, you feel a bit like Cinderella, all dolled up and everything. Sure, it feels nice to be pampered like this once in a while but it’s still a bit weird. The amount of hair and setting spray you have on has sent you to a coughing fit already.

“Anyways you look great too. I like what you did with your hair,” you reach up mindlessly to touch the blond strands now brushed out of his forehead. Then suddenly you remember that you aren’t quite okay now, so you retrieve your hand quickly.

“Yeah, well, don’t get used to it. The gel feels weird,” Sungho cracks a smile and you let out a relieved chuckle. Maybe you will be okay after all.

“Touché.”

When he offers his hand, you don’t even hesitate to take it. You tell yourself that even though Jaehyun knows now that you aren’t dating for real, the rest of the guests don’t, so why not keep up the act? But deep down you know it’s for a much more selfish reason because having Sungho close is a privilege you used to take for granted.

The wedding is beautiful beyond words.

Haerim is even more gorgeous than when you last saw her in the dress. Now, she has this glow around her, a contagious happiness that spreads like a virus, so the ugly feeling of jealousy doesn’t come when you see Jaehyun beam at her. He actually tears up the moment he sees her walk down the aisle and Sungho has to hand out tissues to the ladies sitting on his other side during the vows. You and Sanghyuk are too busy documenting Jaehyun’s reaction for future blackmail purposes, of course.

Sanghyuk’s best man speech contains a few dad jokes only half the guest list appreciates – Sungho is one of them, so they get along well quickly. When it’s your turn as the best woman (because why not have one of each, right?), you wish Jaehyun and Haerim only happiness from the bottom of your heart and threaten your best friend that you will take his wife’s side if he messes this up. He promises he won’t and you believe him.

It’s ironic how a few days ago you were dead set on breaking them up, convincing yourself that what they had was fake but now you look at them and you get it, what Jaehyun meant when he said he just knew.

Too bad for you, you’re not that in tune with your feelings.

Too bad because it means your nosy best friend will take the matters into his own hands.

He catches you just when you managed to escape the ahjussis on the dancefloor.

“You know, Sungho is a great guy.”

You snort. Not because Sungho is not a great guy, admittedly he is, but because Jaehyun says it in that tone. The matchmaker one. Now that he’s married suddenly he’s giving you relationship advice, how ridiculous is that? 

“He’s just a friend,” you shoot him a side-glance and take a sip from the champagne glass you lifted from a passing waiter's tray.

“Like we were just friends, too?” Jaehyun wiggles his brows playfully and you want to call him out on the callout, to tell him it’s too soon for joking about that, that it’s a sensitive topic but somehow it’s not. You have always been easygoing friends. “You deserve happiness and I’m not saying you need a guy for that because hell no, but… maybe give him a chance. He looks at you like he has been waiting for one.”

“You’re hallucinating,” you roll your eyes but against your better judgement you let your gaze linger over Sungho awkwardly dancing with Jaehyun’s twelve-year-old cousin to a song from the 2000s.

It’s warm out here in the garden despite the shade the tent provides, so you can’t even blame Sungho for leaving his jacket at your table. But like this, with his rolled up sleeves his forearms are out in the open and you realize once again that you’re just a woman. Your throat feels suddenly dry.

“Am I?” Jaehyun raises a brow at you challengingly like he knows something you don’t. “Where do you think he was yesterday evening?

You freeze in the middle of a sip.

“Was he with you? What did he tell you?”

Your best friend has the audacity to shrug and ignore your burning questions. “Maybe you should ask him.”

“Argh, you’re the worst best friend ever,” you groan because it’s unfair how your two closest friends suddenly seem to have teamed up against you.

“You love me,” Jaehyun singsongs and not so subtly pushes you back towards the dancefloor after successfully stealing the champagne glass out of your hand. You barely manage a hissed yah before you stumble (stupid long skirt!) and suddenly there’s a warm hand on the small of your back to help you with balance.

“You good?” Sungho asks gently, soft concern lacing his vowels, and your heart flutters. It's almost like it cannot stop now that you have seen him in another light. Now that you allowed yourself to. Gosh, you won’t survive this last night in the hotel room with him. You will overthink sleeping next to him and make it weird. And of course, he will notice and it will be awkward again.

“Yeah, thanks,” you mutter, letting him pull you upright. His hand lingers on your waist a bit more, then he clears his throat and steps back. You miss his warmth already.

You need to be alone with him for a bit. You can’t do this (talk about feelings and such) in a room full of people. You could wait until the end of the party, until you’re both back at the hotel room but you don’t trust yourself to keep your courage and not use alcohol as a substitute if you have to wait for that long. Then tomorrow morning you fly back to Busan and go back to work on Monday, so everything will go back to normal. It’s now or never.

“Uhm, should we take a photo? To commemorate this crazy week? I think I saw a photobooth somewhere,” you blurt out the first idea that comes to your mind thinking about secluded places and point towards the quieter reception area. Sungho seems to consider it for a second, his eyes flitting towards that general direction before focusing back to you. At first, you think he will say no, that he will stop entertaining your whims, but then he chuckles like he can’t believe himself.

“Yeah, sure,” he says and follows you to the vintage style booth Haerim had rented for the event.

It’s cute, beige curtains and wooden walls, and most of all, narrow. You realize exactly how small it is after paying for two classic strips of photos and stepping back, your shoulder bumps into Sungho’s chest. When he immediately pulls away to give you more space like a gentleman, practically plastering himself against the wall, it stings a bit. For once, you don’t want space.

The first shutter catches you both off guard and you scramble to turn towards the camera and pay attention to the countdown of the second. The poses you come up with are awkward, generic V-signs and forced smiles. That simply won’t do, you decide, so in those ten seconds until the next shutter you do exactly three things:

Turn towards Sungho.

Take a step towards him.

And when he backs up against the wall, looking at you with wide eyes, you put a hand against the booth’s side next to his head like those ridiculous drama male leads do in the scenes where they tower over the female lead. Your heels might give you some boost but not that much, so you have to hope that Sungho’s heart rate is going up for all the right reasons even without that.

“Y/N?” He utters your name shakily, a bit breathless, and you think the way he says your name might be your favourite version to hear.

“We should talk about that almost kiss,” you say with forced nonchalance because it’s clearly the elephant in the room. You could probably leave and never bring it up again, acting as if it was just a fever dream, and then nothing would change between you but… haven’t things already changed?

“Now?” Sungho sounds bewildered, the third camera shot catching his surprise in real-time. Neither of you really pay attention anymore. 

“Isn’t it as good of a time as any?”

“I guess it is,” he agrees with a gulp, his Adam’s apple bobbing, which shouldn’t be as attractive as it is. He doesn’t argue with you. You two argue a lot about small things but rarely do when it matters.

“I lied,” you blurt out, ripping off the bandaid, and at the confused look on Sungho’s face, you clarify. “I lied when I said it was because of Jaehyun. It wasn’t.”

You watch it closely, how the realization slowly dawns on Sungho about what it means. There are a lot of different emotions in his eyes only illuminated by the small booth’s even smaller screen but you would like to think one of them is hope or at least relief.

“Oh. That’s… good,” he mutters, a bit dumbly but he can even pull that off. He looks cute while doing so.

“I talked with him too. I told him everything and then he said something that made me realize that maybe I just treated him as an excuse to avoid real feelings. Maybe he was right and it was never really that kind of love. Otherwise I couldn’t be this genuinely happy for him, could I? So I was thinking–”

“Are you two done?” Somebody yells outside of the booth, effectively cutting off your ramble but they must reinforce their point by knocking on the booth’s wall beside the curtain. Sungho looks like he’s about to go out and apologize, which is absolutely not happening.

“No!” You yell back and quickly pay for another set of photos.

You turn back to Sungho now all fired up. You can’t believe you’re here. In Jeju, at this wedding, in this photo booth. That he came as your plus one, even went along with your fake dating scheme and comforted you when you were at your lowest. He’s either a pushover or you’re the luckiest girl out there.

“I keep thinking about what you said about wishing it wasn’t just for the show,” you admit, take a deep breath and bite the bullet. “Park Sungho… do you like me?”

It sounds unreal to your ears but you swear you can see his cheeks redden even in this shitty lighting. He casts his eyes down with a little giggle he always does when he’s embarrassed and it’s so fricking endearing you can’t believe you didn’t notice earlier.

“Wasn’t it obvious?”

“You should know by now that I’m not good with feelings,” you grimace because that’s putting it lightly. But after this you will take Jaehyun’s advice and make sure the people who are important to you know it too.

“So… is this the part where you tell me you’re not ready for a relationship?” Sungho asks tentatively, looking a tad bit confused about the purpose of this discussion and well, okay, maybe you went off track from your original plan. Right, the kiss, taking a leap of faith and all that.

“No. This should be the part where I tell you that you deserve better. Look what I dragged you into. I’m a terrible person,” you sigh because you still feel bad about the entire Haerim incident and how you initially reacted to Jaehyun’s marriage news. Shouldn’t you first work on being a better friend before you could be anything else?

But Sungho is not having it, you being unkind to yourself.

“No, you’re not. A bit crazy? Yes. But you have a big heart. And frankly, I don’t want anybody else,” he gently tilts your head up with a tap on your chin, so he could look into your eyes and with sudden clarity you remember him telling you that people don’t fall for perfection. Even through your tipsy state, you remember how he looked at you then. Or when he wiped away the raindrops from your face. It didn’t make sense then but now you understand.

He’s holding back.

He’s just one push from the edge.

“Come on, you hate martyrs in movies. Don’t reject me because you think I’m better off with someone else. Reject me properly. Tell me you want to focus on yourself or that you need time to move on from Jaehyun. Tell me that you don’t see me as a man and that you can’t ever like me like tha–”

Sungho stops talking when you lips meet his. His eyes are comically wide for a long moment before he melts against you. You smile into the kiss as you let your heels touch the ground, knowing that Sungho will follow you down.

You pull away, mouth still grazing his, just to ask: “Did it seem like a rejection?”

Your hopefully-not-fake-anymore boyfriend smiles and kisses you again. You wrap your arms around his neck and gasp when your back hits the side of the tiny booth. Right, it’s probably not the most ideal place to do something like this.

“Can you two stop hogging up the photo booth to make out?” The same voice from before complains again and now Sungho looks mortified. He apologizes with cast down eyes the moment you pull the curtain to the side. You’re about to make a comment about envy to the impatient girl but Sungho knows you too well and he drags you away before you could make an even bigger scene. He also remembers to grab the four cut photos you snatch from him on the way back to the tables.

“This one’s definitely my favourite,” you point at the last little square which managed to capture perfectly the moment of your first kiss. “Maybe we should ditch the rest of the party and actually make out since we were rudely interrupted?”

You mean it as a joke because you should probably talk properly and because Sungho seems like the type who takes things slow. But he literally trips on his own foot and lets out a scandalized noise at your suggestion.

“Y/N!” He hisses and looks around to see if anybody heard. “You can’t just say that!”

“Why not? We still have a fancy hotel room for tonight,” you wink and watch him go beetroot red. Oh, you’re gonna love making him blush. “But first, come on, let’s dance more. We need more songs for our playlist.”

It’s safe to say that your plan to stop this wedding epicly failed. But at least it got you a boyfriend who is also your best friend. Maybe one day you will marry him too. Not before you turn twenty-eight, but when you’re ready.

For now, it’s enough to just be happy.

END NOTES. originally i leaned more into the movie storyline, sungho would have been the fiance and it would have had a bittersweet ending (or i had a version with haerim actually planning to avoid an arranged marriage by marrying him) but 2k in when i started writing the scene in which originally the mc asked jaehyun to be her plus one for the wedding, i was like… wait, the fake dating potential! so i ended up re-writing the first two scenes and here we are. it was still fun to use the movie plot beats in this version. also i'm not sure i managed to get that across but mc liked sungho back in that flashback scene! she just thought it would be better to not ruin their co-worker friendship thing because of his reaction to the jaehyun picture. and because she's avoidant when it comes to feelings.

header pic from Hollywood Action MV Behind Sketch

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