MyBlackSoul

“You have to accept that some people are not made for deep conversations, or for holding you together when you’re about to fall apart, or for keeping you from unzipping your skin, or for talking you out of suicide, or to love you through the worst moments of your life. Some people are made for shallow exchanges, and ridiculous banter, and nothing more. And that’s okay. That doesn’t make them horrible people because they simply aren’t able to handle a storm like you. It doesn’t make you a bad person because you won’t divulge all the gritty details of your horror show. It makes you smart. You have to accept that there will be people that cannot give you what you need. It doesn’t mean they are not worth keeping in your life. You just have to figure out who these ones are before you’re disappointed. And you have to keep them at arm’s length. You cannot expect everyone in your life to understand, to be nonjudgmental, to get it. But that’s okay, because not everyone was made to impart wisdom, or wax-poetic, or speak on politics and the depravity of society, or discuss how crucial it is that the stigma of mental illness be abolished. There are times when you have to get away from all that heaviness. You have to. And you will need superficial conversation about Kim Kardashian’s arse, or a debate on the color of The Dress. You will need those ones. So don’t go round cutting people off and dropping your friends. You need people for all your seasons. You need people or you won’t survive this.”

Falling asleep next to her. Having my hand on her hip or on her chest. I love feeling the warmth of her body. I love this feeling when my fingers slide over her skin on her arm while she is falling asleep. I love to lay my head on her back or on her chest and listen to her heartbeat. It’s so calming. Everytime I grab a piece of her shirt with my fingers. I feel safe knowing that she is laying next to me. Also her smell makes me feel safe and calm. When I’m not with her, I’m sleeping with her t-shirt. 

Another great feeling is waking up next to her. When she looks at me with her sleepy eyes and smiles with the most charming smile that could possibly be. When she hugs me and hold me in her arms. I always feel so loved.

I hate the nights when she is not there. When I’m laying under the blanket and hugging one of the pillows. I often dress in her t-shirt to feel like she is there. When I’m alone I feel scared and not safe. I always imagine that she is laying next to me.