Perfect Storm

" A friend of mine asked how would I  deal with unexpected meetings regardless of what past I have with that person. Will I accept them or ignore them?"

She turn to look at me, " What did you tell him?," she asks.

I stopped walking and just stared at her for a while thinking. While I'm on it, I metaphorically relate her eyes from a Taylor Swift song.

" Ocean blue eyes, looking in mine

I feel like I might sink and drown and die."

The lyrics keep on playing in my head. The effect of her on me is still there.

I see hope in her eyes. Just like that time when she was on the phone talking to her boyfriend desperately asking him not to leave her. He's an asshole for making her choose between us or him. You know what happened next.

" I told him I don't know. It depends I guess," I half shrugged finally looking away.

 After a minute of staring down on the ground covered with snow she finally looks at me and ask, " How about me then?"

I kind of expect that from her. I shouldn't have brought that up in the first place. Now here I am regretting everything. Like I'm gonna mess this up for myself. I have no choice right? I have to give her an answer.

With my heart beating on my chest I need to keep my cool. Why do I feel like I want to reject her but not wanting to because I already forgave her a long time ago. I guess I'm still in the process of getting over her. But meeting her today of all days was not helping me on that getting over part. I'm only keeping my 'I don't care' act up to not let her see me being nervous about this whole situation. Seeing her beautiful face look at mine like that. I just can't be not honest to her.

As I finally collected my thoughts I look at her with all seriousness in my face,

"Rachel I already forgave you a long time ago. Its just when I saw you for the first time again, all those feelings I kept for 6 years started going to my head. I'm unsure to what I'm gonna say to you. I'm sorry." Damn. I messed up big time. Way to go Thomas.

" But...," my eyes soften and with a smile I say what she wants to hear from me.

" I accept you Rachel. Whatever you did in the past would forever stay in the past. I'm over it."

Her hopeful eyes turn into happy ones as she smiles back at me. With tears in her eyes she hugged me and I hugged her back. She keeps telling me that she's sorry while thanking me at the same time.

Its been a long time since we've hugged. I feel good, I realized I missed her. Everything about her was so captivating. Telling myself I'm still getting over her seemed irrelevant now. I've definitely moved on yeah but I can't control my feelings. Old feelings that crept up to my body like medicine but instant.

After that dramatic moment, we continued walking through the cold in silence with smile on our faces.