Seclusion

1- It has been 2 months, 4 days and 3 hours since I opened the door for you and told you that you can leave if you want. 2- You were half way out already and I inherited that arrogant trait from my dad and decided to make you leave before you actually do. 3- I didn’t want you to leave, I just didn’t want to be left. 4- It took me 4 days to realize that I want to give it another shot, and it took you 4 minutes to tell me you can’t. 5- You were my safest place. The attic that I would hide in if a Third World War started, till you start bombing me yourself. 6- I feel so exposed and lonely. 7- It feels so weird that you make me feel so little now when I have been always the one who contains you and your entire world in my heart. 8- I don’t cry as much as I used to. 9- Sadness still is the constant of every day. Every molecule of me that was saturated by your perfume now stinks of agony. 10- Misery has made a home in my lungs, and I can’t breathe easy. 11- In the middle of a meeting today, the fact that you left punched me in the heart suddenly, and I stood there for two complete minutes not knowing what to do or say and entirely unaware of anything but the fact that I am without you. 12- There is a bitterness that won’t leave or let me grow. 13- Everyday you keep me waiting in the cold because you don’t know if you love me anymore make me wonder if any of it was ever true. 14- I feel homeless. 15- It upsets me when something that was written about you go viral, and people go crazy about it and you won’t even mention it or care. 16- I hate writing about you now but it all that I have been able to do lately. 17- I have turned my blood into ink and I keep bleeding poems that you don’t bother reading. 18- What does a lousy poet have left if her poems doesn’t move a hair in you anymore? 19- I think I wanna move on. 20- Please don’t let me move on.

gentle to the touch, 2009

I’m single and ignoring people like I’m taken.