Raspberry Dove

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

i LOVE thissssssssssss saving my life and playlists over here🫶

i feel like of anyone in the show, Claudia’s character is the most affected by her situation. she’s repeatedly forced into impossible decisions where she’s going to hurt someone no matter what, so she ends up going with the people who haven’t abandoned her yet to save, like Viren and Aaravos. yet they end up abandoning her too, so i’m interested to see if she’ll choose herself and what she really wants more in arc 3…

yessssss I really want to see her choose herself more <3