Awkward Snail.

I need an outlet. So decided to get back on here. Things have been feeling off lately. I've been trying to figure out what it is. Is it the hormones? Change in time? Pre-shadow period for mercury retrograde? Did I jump into another timeline? I can't help but feel uneasy about something. Maybe I'm just overthinking things again. After all I am a Virgo, and Virgo's are known for being the worry warts if the zodiac.

I also can't seem to shake off the dream I had last night. All I could remember from the dream is that my dad, and my late mother were sitting on the couch. What freaked me out was obviously still alive in my dream but my moms corpse, or spirit or whatever it was, was there sitting next to my dad. There was a coffee table in between us, and all I kept on saying was I'm sorry, I'm sorry over and over again. They had these sad looks on their faces. Then I just kissed the coffee table and said I'm sorry and walked away crying. Sometime during the dream the scene changed into me or someone shooting an arrow at my dad. That's all I could remember during that segment. Then all of a sudden I'm in my dads funeral. I didn't like that, I woke up and tried to shake it off. It was about maybe 3 or 4 AM. I tried to go back to sleep thinking about happy thoughts. Then when I woke up a couple hours later, I was still confused on what it could all mean. I need to decode it or I can let it go and not take magnesium caps right before I go to bed again.

I was really starting to get in touch with my spirituality and my journey. I used to be in tune with the moon cycles and do my rituals during every full and new moon. I was starting my tarot reading journey. I don't know what happened. But I really do need to go back into it. I don't know why it seems so much harder this time around.

I'm not sure I actually got to process my mothers passing. I went straight into caretaker mode and was only thinking about making my dad feel okay I never made space for my feelings. Maybe I will start therapy. I just don't know about paying for it at the moment. I do feel frustrated that I am the sole financial caretaker for both me and my dad now. I was struggling with just taking care of me. Plus the dog. I know we'll be okay, but it's too much for one person. Especially when I'm a millenial who has no idea what the fuck i'm doing. I hate being the only child sometimes. We'll be okay.