natalie

You look at me the same you did then. When your waist was smaller, and your hair was long. You touch me the same as you did. With blushing knuckles, And grey finger tips.

You look up at me now No different, Then the night you said you hated me. Loved me, pushed me, Hit me. Your touch is burning. Different from the first time, Because now I know, That you can't help it.

Arms bigger than my own

Eyes mine to look at.

Hands I trust and a voice I've fallen asleep to.

Legs I've never liked but love now that you've seen them.

My stomach churns, it warms,

Butterflies that have turned to honey

That sits steady in my stomach.

It warms my throat when I think of you.

It soothes my aching bones when I'm sad,

And it tickles my spine when you touch me.

I want to dance with you,

Even when the worlds falling apart.

I want to open parts of myself I was once  ashamed of,

To show you.

When I lost the one thing I depended on

You were there to find it for me.

When I feel sick of my mind

And body,

That I can barely stand to breath.

Fresh air lightens my lungs,

Opens them up without me noticing.

Warm air eases my goosebumps

Makes me forget about the cold air of yesterday.

Memories cluster as a thin fog in the back of my head,

Worries and misconceptions coming to an end.

Fresh air moisturizes my skin.

Shedding away the scabs I thought would scar.

The injuries that hurt so badly,

Now gone.

The bandages I thought that wouldn't help,

Have done the most.

Fresh air opens the door I had locked.

Blows away the dust on the floor,

Straitens the pictures I never bothered fixing.

It opens my closet to a world I hated.

A world that's now mine.

The life I never claimed,

Okay so I had this dream last week and all I can think about is turning it into an au. So I was thinking that they could live in a world that’s been taken over by aliens (it doesn’t have to be aliens particularly) and they wipe peoples memory with the attention of using them for experiments, but after so many years, these people who have been wiped, have escaped. Lets say that this happened to the main character and all they can remember is this one particular person but can’t exactly put their finger on who it is. Once they escape they use all their time gathering people to find this person that they don’t even know for sure exists. 

There are so many plots I’ve thought of, and ships that would be so cute with this. I would write it on my own but I’m so bad at finishing anything because I’m convinced it’s bad. 

In the dream that I had, I was searching for my s/o and in the end I found them. We created a safe haven and everything for the other escapees where we would help them remember who they are. 

Last night you confessed your love. You spilled your heart out on a platter for me to take home. To stare at, to think about, to retrace it's curves, edges, imperfections. But instead I stayed in the same spot you left me. On the edge of the sand, the whooshing sound of the ocean crashing, banging on my ear drums. The only thing left of your presence were the foot prints you left behind. So I followed them, I traced them with my own feet, hoping you'd think about me. Knowing you love me kills me you know? Knowing I'm not another cracked piece of glass in the back of the creaky cabinet. Knowing you had to think about me before telling the truth. So now I sit here alone, in my bed, thinking about last night. And all I want to do is hear your voice, hear what your lips would sound like against mine. So I go back down to the sand. Where your foot prints were meant to be, with mine.