I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough

“That is a little counterproductive. Jobs are supposed to make you money. But I get that, my first job paid shitty too.” Jasper replied knowing that is why he’d ended up stealing stuff. “I’ve just fucked up enough to know what to do and not to do.”

“Oh it is more that I am likely going to spend a lot of the money I make back into the place.” She chuckled, “I just hope they offer me some store discounts.” She added with a slight smile. She scanned him with her eyes for a moment, “Everyone makes mistakes, but at least you seem to have some good life advice up your sleeve.”

“Beth, listen to me for a second.” Esme replied, reaching over to give her best friend’s hand a squeeze. “You are the most smart and beautiful person I know. You are kind and you go out of your way to help people. I wouldn’t have gotten through the last year without you. Anyone you are dating should be honored to be with you, and they definitely shouldn’t be coming up with excuses not to meet your parents. You don’t deserve excuses Beth, you deserve someone who just does things to make you happy. Sam doesn’t deserve you, because nobody does.” 

Elisabeth looked at her, feeling tears forming at the corner of her eyes as she listened to her speak. The way Esme saw her was far from the way she saw herself. She reached over, giving her friend a hug, “I love you, I hole you know that.” She said before pulling away and offering her a slight smile. “But enough about me.. Are you okay?”

Sam watched her actions, watching as her body disappeared from view once more. It was such a shame that she couldn’t realize how beautiful she truly was. “I didn’t really have any plans. What about yourself?”

Beth shook her head at him before adjusting herself on the bed once more, “Not really.. Did you um.. Want to start a movie or something? Or?” She asked not sure wether or not he wanted to stay or not.

“I worked mostly. A couple of different jobs around town at first.” Jasper replied with a small shrug. It wasn’t technically untrue, not that he minded lying to people anyway. “Doing something you love is pretty important. Life is unexpected, so do what you love when you can.”

“Yeah? I just applied for my first job myself.. I hope I get it even though I am sure I will be broke at the end of it.” She chuckled, nervous about her upcoming job interview at the Book Nook. “That is some good advice. Thank you.”

“I always make the wrong choice or do the wrong thing.” Esme explained knowing that is how she has felt for the better part of a year now.  “Did you try explaining it to him that way? Because if he knows it’s important to you and still doesn’t want to do it than that kind of makes him a jerk and you definitely deserve better. And it will be good you figured that out before things go too far.”

“That is not true.” Beth stated, refusing to believe her friend as she talked herself down, “You are one of the brightest people I know..” She added with a faint smile. “I mean, maybe not in those exact words, but then again I was surprised when he said no, you know? Like.. I even told him if it was the other way around I would not even have had to think about it because I’d just be honored to.” She told her with a slight smile. “No I don’t. Sam is honestly a lot more than what I deserve.”

“Yeah well, that puts you about where I was when I stopped then. I barely graduated.” Jasper replied knowing there had been a lot of things going on in his life at that point that he hadn’t had any control over. “That is the important thing I’d assume.”

“What did you do after you finished high school?” She asked out of curiosity, “Like I would assume work but then again you also said you had traveled.” She chuckled soflty back at him, but she knew you needed money to travel. “I would hope so. I think studying English will mainly be reading anyway which I already love doing.”

“I just feel like I screwed everything in my life up and I’m still just screwing it all up.” Esme replied with a small sigh. It seemed everything she touched fell apart these days. “That sounds like a bad excuse honestly. Your parents are good people. I mean they’ve practically adopted me for most holidays at this point. If he doesn’t want to meet them it is his loss, and you deserve better than that. If it’s important to you Sam should want to do it to make you happy.” 

Beth knitted her brows together, “Screwing things up how?” She asked her out of curiosity. Feeling a bit worries for her friend as it was clear something was up. “Yeah I tried telling him that as well, that like they wouldn’t judge him or anything, but like he just seemed to refuse to believe it and it just made me question if he actually still cares about me you know? Or if he is in it for the long run or if this has been a mistake all together..”

“I just wanted to make you feel nice.  I wasn’t doing to for a reward or anything,  so I don’t need anything in return.” Sam replied, although he was surely going to have to go home and do things to himself later to the mental image of Beth touching herself.  “I’m just glad I could make you feel good.”

“Like I said, I wouldn’t know. I never went. College wasn’t really big in my family anyway.” Jasper replied with a small shrug. It had never seemed that important to him, and even if things had turned out different he likely wouldn’t have gone. “It seems like a lot of money to spend to learn nothing.”

 “Yeah right..” she said, “I was just um.. you know, assuming. At least that is what I have heard and such, but like I am still in high school so what do I know.” she added with a soft chuckle. “I mean.. At least I will be studying something I will enjoy and that should count for something.”

“I wouldn’t know where to start, it’s all a big complicated.” Esme replied with a shrug. She’d been hiding things from Beth for months and she didn’t know how her friend would react. “Why didn’t he want to meet them? You guys have been together for a while now. It seems kind of dumb to me that he wouldn’t. Did he at least give you a reason?”

 “Well lucky for you, I am a good listener and complicated never stopped that.” she tried to reassure her should she want to talk about it. She didn’t want to push her on the subject as she figured she would tell her when she was ready. “Yeah.. I know..” she said. They had been going out for a while, which was why she figured it would have been an easy yes from him. “He um.. I don’t know he just think they are going to judge him, not thinking he is good enough for me and I tried to explain to him that they aren’t bad just because they believe in Jesus..” She attempted to explain.

“I wish you could understand how beautiful you are.” Sam replied as he watched her hide herself once more. He enjoyed being able to just enjoy the sight of her body but he felt like he rarely got the chance because she was often hiding it. He shook his head at the question. “I’m alright.” Sam said, knowing he’d just wanted to make it up to her that he’d upset her.

“Exactly, and most people don’t. Nor is knowing all the state capitals ever going to help me unless I decide to go on a gameshow or something.” Jasper replied with a shrug. School tended to fill your brain with all sorts of things you didn’t use in your day to day life. “I would have been better off learning to do taxes or something.” He added with a chuckle. “Variety is good.”

Beth thought about what he said for a moment before nodding in agreement with him, “Yeah I guess you do have a point there.” She chuckled, “Yeah! I agree and like you shouldn’t have to to do college to learn such things.. And even there I doubt they teach you anything useful in terms of life besides towards a job related to your degree later..”

“It’s kind of a long story.” Esme replied, letting out a small sigh. She wasn’t even sure where to begin telling Beth about everything that had happened, and she knew that she was probably going to have to tell her about the secret she’d been hiding for months. She raised her eyebrow at her friend. “What are you overthinking?” 

“Tell me.” Beth said, adjusting herself to face her more on the bed as she wanted to be there for her friend when she could. “Oh um.. Just my parents are in town and they wanted to meet Sam, but he doesn’t want to and it is just making me overthink things.” She admitted with a shrug, still not sure wether or not she was reading into it.

Sam watched as she made what had now become a familiar face to him. There was a certain way that she looked when she was orgasming and it was a face he always craved to see. Satisfied with his work he gave her a few more gentle licks before crawling out from between her legs and laying down beside her. “I love you, Beth.” He whispered to her before reaching over and giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

“I think experience is more important than formal schooling myself. Most of the shit you learn in high school doesn’t actually help you out in life.” Jasper replied with a small shrug. “It’s the lessons you learn out in the real world that actually matter.” 

Beth nodded her head back at him. She didn’t necessarily agree or disagree with him. “I guess that is a fair point. I don’t plan on ever using algebra again after this.” She chuckled as it was one of the things she could think of. “That is fair.. I guess it doesn’t hurt to have a mix of both.”

Esme made her way into her friends room and sat down on the edge of her bed. “Honestly, I’ve been better.” She added with a small shrug. Esme was just hurt and confused and didn’t know what to think at this point because she was worried she’d screwed things up with Ethan again. “What about you?” She asked, hoping things were going better for Beth.

Elisabeth’s slime fainted slightly when she said she had been better, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” She asked her a bit worried. Beth chewed on the inside of her mouth before shrugging, “I am okay..” She settled for, “I mean I am fine, but I don’t know.. I think I am just over analyzing things.” She shrugged as she moved over to sit next to her on the bed.