Chapter One
|TW: patient death, injury description|
The monotonous sound of the blaring flatline stung your ears. Sweat drenched your face, you stepped back from the patient, and rested your hands on top of your head. You were shaking, a whole bundle of emotions flooded your body. There wasn’t one reaction you would be able to express properly, so you seemed to go numb instead. You took a deep breath while tears pricked your eyes.
This was your first time losing a patient. A sudden loss, at that. It was an emergency trauma case that came in due to an unknown attack. It was violent: several lacerations scattered the body. Bruises began to form around the woman’s limbs and most notably around the neck. Blunt force trauma to the head, fractured bones, you name it, it was there. Her heart stopped several times, her brain hemorrhaged; there was no way she could make it.
But you tried. And tried, and tried.
But it wasn’t enough.
“Shit.” You mumbled, staring at the deceased patient. Nurses had already begun unhooking machines and stopping IVs. Just like that, it was over.
“Dr. (Y/L/N), go ahead.” Dr. Cullen said softly, looking down at you and examining your demeanor.
“What?” You looked up at him, quickly wiping your tears, but not quick enough for Dr. Cullen not to notice.
“Time of death, call it.”
“Right.” You said. You looked at the digital clock across the room, “Cynthia Kesh. Time of death: 1:34 am.”
You let out a shaky sigh and looked back at Dr. Cullen, his gaze still upon you. He nodded in approval, a soft sense of pride coming through. He understood this was difficult for you and let you process things at your own pace.
Death was something you knew you were going to have to deal with, throughout life and especially in this career. You understood it, you weren’t scared of it, but you couldn’t stand watching other people experiencing it.
The two of you left the room silently and headed to Dr. Cullen’s office. The tension from earlier still lingered in the air, you felt embarrassed about your reaction. A doctor shouldn’t be so affected by death.
You walked into the office and the door shut softly behind you, the only significant sound to materialize since you pronounced the time of death. You slumped down onto a small sofa that sat against the left wall. The seat next to you sunk down as Dr. Cullen sat beside you.
“Good work today. You’re a very talented doctor.” He reassured you, it was as if he knew what she was feeling, and what she needed to hear in that moment.
You looked up at him and furrowed your brow, “But-but we lost her.”
Dr. Cullen shook his head, “It was inevitable, but you did your best to stop it. You gave her more of a chance than most could.”
You faked a smile and slowly blinked, “Thanks.” You looked back down and played with your hands, a way to self soothe.
“I’m sorry for losing my composure earlier. It was just—hard.” You apologized.
Dr. Cullen shook his head, “No, no.” He gently laid a hand on your back, “Please, don’t be. It’s a difficult thing to experience. You’re still allowed to be human while being a doctor.”
The warmth of his words comforted you, his kind nature was something you needed. That you’ve always wanted.
“Thank you, Dr. Cullen.” You sighed.
He chuckled and took his hand off your back. “Please,” he began, locking eyes with you, “call me Carlisle. We’ve been partners long enough.”
“Sure.” You smiled and lifted your head up, getting a better look at his eyes. They were a deep black now. “Then call me (Y/N).”
“Will do.” He nodded, breaking eye contact with you. “Are you feeling alright?” He asked, a sound of concern leaving his voice.
“Uh, yeah, I’m okay.” You lied. Guilt still lingered in your body, a feeling you wouldn’t be able to shake for a while.
“It’ll get easier, I promise.” He spoke softly. Every time he spoke it felt like warm honey, sweet and comforting. You thought about this a lot.
You glanced at your watch and realizing the time, you spoke up, “I guess we should get going.” You stood up from the sofa, and Carlisle followed suit.
“I suppose we should.” He grabbed your jacket and handed it to you. This was new, but you didn’t think anything of it. Or at least, you tried not to. You walked together out to the parking lot, the sky was clear for once and the full moon shone bright upon you.
“Good night doctor, er, Carlisle.” You let out a soft laugh and began to open your car door.
“Goodnight, (Y/N).” He smiled at your correction.
You began to take a seat when Carlisle spoke again, “And please, (Y/N), remember, if you need anything, you can call me. At any time you need.” He then stepped inside his car, started the engine, and drove off.
You couldn’t help but smile to yourself.
Shit. Stop it.
You huffed and tried to physically shake off this feeling. Of course, you couldn’t.
•
You had almost immediately passed out the moment you got home. You were exhausted by the events of the day, no doubt, but you couldn’t say it ended that badly. You kept thinking about Carlisle. He and his words swirled around in your mind, especially those about calling him. You wanted to call him and talk, just about anything. You wanted to know who he was, about his family, his ideas, his likes and dislikes. Everything. You didn’t know why he pulled you in so intensely. It was a draw you had never felt before toward someone, especially someone you barely met.
Something awoke you. It wasn’t a noise or a bad dream. It was a feeling, a sense, like you were being watched. You slowly sat up and scanned your room, the pale moonlight shone through the opening of your curtains and gave you enough light to faintly see. You shook your head, realizing nothing was there, and laid your head back onto your pillow. You closed your eyes, trying to drift off again.
Fuck this.
You shot up, this feeling of being watched surged once more. You flicked on your bedside lamp and scanned the room again. Nothing.
“Hello?” You shouted out, not expecting an answer. Of course, you didn’t get one. You shook your head again, nothing was there, chill out.
But still, you couldn’t sleep, and before you knew it, it was time to start your shift at the hospital. You had only slept an hour but you had to get over it.
You sleepily dressed yourself, brushed your teeth, and headed out. It was extremely foggy and dark gray clouds loomed overhead, threatening downpour at any second.
When you arrived, it had started to thunder and lightning and of course, rain buckets. You walked inside and immediately went to the break room. You sat down at a table and folded your arms to rest your head, and despite the beaming fluorescent lights, you were able to sleep.
•
“Good morning, (Y/N).” A soft voice spoke. You raised your head and a pair of golden eyes met your own.
“Carlisle.” You grinned, sitting all the way up, “Good morning.”
“I thought you might need this today.” Carlisle placed a warm cup of coffee in front of you.
You puffed out a small laugh, “How did you know?” Your eyebrows slightly furrowed in confusion, but you took the coffee nonetheless. The warmth of it traveled from your fingertips to the rest of your body, a nice contrast from the weather.
Carlisle smiled back and shrugged, “Good intuition, I suppose.”
“No coffee for you?” You questioned, looking at the empty space in front of him. You took a sip.
He shook his head, “I already had mine.” His tone sounded awkward.
You nodded and took another sip, “I needed this, thank you. I barely slept at all.”
“How come?”
“It’s silly, but, I had this feeling. Like I was being watched. I don’t know-it was weird.” You shook your head, a little embarrassed to admit the reason.
Carlisle’s facial expression dropped and he turned his head away from you, then quickly snapped back. “How strange. Are you feeling alright? Safe?”
You nodded your head, “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. No worries.” A sheepish smile slipped onto your face.
You both sat in silence for a moment, but it was nice. Even just being near him was enough to make you feel comfortable.
You decided to break the quiet, “So...” you thought for a moment, deciding on what to say, “how is your family?” Fantastic small talk, but you honestly wanted to know about him more.
Carlisle smiled thinking about them, “Good, they’re good. They’re actually coming to the hospital’s charity banquet this weekend. I was hoping they would get to meet you.”
“Oh, really? I’d love to.” You nodded, taking another sip. This comment was quite surprising to you, he really wanted his family to meet you? Why? You were just a work partner after all. But nonetheless it made you feel good, warm.
“Fantastic. I’ll come by and we can go together.” He said, standing up, pushing his chair in and reviewed charts.
What.
“Like-my place? And pick me up?” You didn’t hide the shock in your voice.
Carlisle looked from the charts back to you, “Yes, is that alright with you?”
Everything was nonchalant with him, maybe it was you overreacting or wishful thinking, but it just sounded like he asked you to be his date to the banquet. Your mind spiraled.
“Yeah-Yeah, of course, yeah.” Your head was nodding like a bobble head, butterflies filled your stomach.
As quickly as he asked, he moved on, like it was no big deal. And maybe it wasn’t, to him. Maybe he really just wanted to go as coworkers, but that wasn’t as fun to think about.
•
The day went by quickly, everything went smoothly. Morning and evening rounds were swift, a meeting you and Carlisle attended was admittedly boring, but not awful, and the major surgery for the day was long, but fun. It helped that going as Carlisle’s date to the banquet occupied your mind the most.
It was midnight, and you and Carlisle were off for the night. The rain was still howling harder than ever. Lightning struck and thunder shook your surroundings.
You arrived to your car and went to turn on the engine. Then again, and once more.
“Shit!” You shouted, hitting the steering wheel. It wasn’t working. You stepped out of your car, and in another bit of rage, kicked your tire.
“Everything ok over there?” A voice shouted back. You turned your head and saw Carlisle, sitting in his drivers seat with the window down.
“Uh-no, not really.” You shouted once again, struggling to compete with the beating rain.
“Come on.” He tilted his head in his direction, beckoning you to join him. You did just that, not wanting to get soaked anymore. That didn’t help much, as you were already drenched and shivering.
“Thanks.” You said as you got adjusted and buckled yourself in. Carlisle quickly turned the heater on and pointed it toward you. Why didn’t he have it on before?
Without a word, he started the car and headed out.
“What’s your address?” He questioned, but it didn’t seem like he needed to. He had already made the first couple correct turns.
“You’re actually going the right way already.” You chuckled. Weird.
“Oh, really?” He said, but it was more of a statement than a question.
“Yeah.” You mumbled, hugging yourself for warmth.
It took a few minutes, but the two of you finally arrived in front of your apartment. Carlisle parked the car and turned to you, “Goodnight, (Y/N),” He hummed. His bright amber eyes glistened from the moonlight, they were enchanting. So enchanting, in fact, that you had forgot to respond. You were just sitting there, staring at him. But it wasn’t like he wasn’t gazing back.
“Goodnight, Carlisle.” You murmured, barely audible and not breaking eye contact.
A gentle smile crept onto his lips, and another minute of silence passed by. Neither of you could deny that the tension was thick.
“You should go inside.” Carlisle whispered, “You’re freezing.”
“Yeah, yeah, you’re right.” You snapped out of your trance and looked away. You opened the car door quickly, a bit embarrassed at your behavior, and stepped out.
“Hey, remember, Saturday, I’ll pick you up for the banquet.”
You turned around and looked back into his car.
“Saturday. Right. See you then.” You waved goodbye, and Carlisle began to leave.
God, you couldn’t wait for Saturday.
