When you meet someone equally as weird as you
I feel like this is essentially how all of my friendships start.
Today's Document
Claire Keane

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@its-kuhtreenuhh
When you meet someone equally as weird as you
I feel like this is essentially how all of my friendships start.

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Fitting in.
It’s 10:41am. I’m on my desk and there’s nothing to do atm. I have decided to make a blog post because I haven’t done so in over a month now.
Fitting in. One of the things I struggled throughout my life. I felt more of a free person when I was little. In Maryland, I was nice to all my classmates and they were the same to me. When I moved to Virginia, I kept my friendliness personality strong and I was even becoming close with my classmates when I was in 4th grade. As the years went on, I slowly started to become a quiet, introverted person. Why is that? There came a point of time where I didn’t felt as if I was ‘fitting in’ anymore. I started to feel unconscious about myself. “What if I do something wrong, will they judge me?”
“Would they judge based on my clothing?”
“My appearance isn’t as good enough as the girls here..”
I didn’t have the same trendy clothes like my classmates. I didn’t have any cool shoes either. I wasn’t as spoiled like these classmates. I wanted to be accepted for who I was. But back in the day it was all about looks just to fit in.
I have decided to join a youth organization during middle/high school. It felt like I belonged there, being a children of Christ, but it didn’t seem that the people liked me either. States of them to be exact. I don’t know if it was my quiet personality again, or I wasn’t as talkative. I had the vibe that no one wanted to talk to me despite myself trying my best to talk to them. I might of missed a great opportunity to become friends with them. Today. The same groups of friends in hs and youth organization are close as ever. I’m not sure if it was my fault for not being able to stay close to them, or what..
I don’t know what I’m thinking right now. I suppose I’m just lonely and seeing pictures of friends that I used to talk to are enjoying their lives atm.
I should just enjoy my life. Its important to be happy first and also accept myself before I wonder off accepting others.
It felt as if I got hit by a boulder. Have you ever had a good day till someone ruins it? I received a text and I felt speechless - my body couldn’t move. I was shaking. I was hyperventilating. Where in the heck did this come from? Why are you just telling me this now instead of telling me later? Why couldn’t you properly communicate with me in person than sending it in text? You know that makes yourself weak in doing that, right? Of course you would pull the “Lets be honest, we don’t hangout anyway” card. I stayed at your place because you offered. You also offered to pay things and wanted me to come along with you. So no, money doesn’t buy my happiness, but you believe that in order for me to like you, you have to pay things. In what way did you think of this? We don’t have to go out. We don’t even have to buy things. I told you secrets that I’ve held for the longest time because I felt more mature and felt like it was the right thing to do. But you don’t see that??? Is that not bonding??
We both have different perspectives of hanging out and I felt that you honestly changed your behavior. But nawwwww, you completely went 180 and its back to being square one.
Tell me when you’re feeling better and we’ll talk.
New Chapter
Today I have accepted an offer that was given to me by Tuesday.
Tuesday afternoon I was heading to the library to start my second shift. My phone started to vibrate. A GMU phone number is calling me. I picked up the phone but I couldn’t hear her voice because of how bad the signal was on my end.
I called her again, “Hello Katrina this is Renee. I have an opportunity that I would like to give you. Can you meet with me tomorrow morning at 8:30?”
Surprised, nervous, and happy. I felt so many emotions during that phone call that lasted for only a few mins. I agreed to meet with her the next morning.
Wednesday morning I met with Renee. She gave me papers that discussed what I will be doing in this job position. The description is based on IT support for the two libraries on the main campus. (Oh yeah, I’m still working at my college. Surpriseeeee??? Nah, they don’t want me to leave yet haha). After reading the papers we discussed pay, benefits (sadly none), hours, etc. For now I will be part-time, 30 hours, no benefits, good pay :). The job was basically mine, but she wanted me to give her a call Thursday afternoon for my final decision. The job position isn’t placed in the market just yet and they need someone asap. If the job position was in the market, it would take at least a month for Renee to find the potential candidate. I felt like the lucky one, since I didn’t have to go through an interview and I am familiar with the equipment in the library already :) Thursday afternoon. This is it. After spreading the news to my friends and family and asking for advice, they all said to go for it. There are pros and cons to this job position, but at the end of it all, this will be my first job in my IT career and I will gain experience. I called Renee and I was pacing around so I wouldn’t sound nervous on the phone. *Ring* *Ring* “Hello this is Renee.. Sorry I couldn’t get to the phone right now..”
Damn, she didn’t pick up. I’ll just leave her a voicemail and have her call me.
30 mins later she called. I told her that I will take the position and she was astounded.
I was astounded myself, but I’ll be feeling sad to leave the job I am in now and nervous about this new job. But you know what? Its the way of growing up; to move on, to accept and look forward into the new chapter :)

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Its a whirlwind of what I’ve done or has happened to me in the past several years.. or rather, when I graduated from high school. 6 years ago. I encountered things that I never knew would happen. I’ve done horrible things that effected others and myself. Even though I knew what I’ve done was wrong, I kept on doing it because I was sneaky and no one would find out. People told me to stop or told me I’ve changed, but I didn’t want to hear it. I had to face my issues on my own. I grew to change my habits, to be more open and honest, and being better person than I was years ago. It took a lot of time and guts for me to tell myself that I need to be a better person.
Here I am.
It’s sometimes scary to be alone with your thoughts.
daily
Throughout my lifetime I have met many people. Acquaintances to friends, neighbors to friends, and classmates to friends. But who really stuck by my side? Yeah its true that friends come and go and sometimes I feel lonely because I don’t have much friends to talk to.
Several years ago, when I was still at Fuddruckers, I met a coworker who is the sister of a high school classmate of mine. We got pretty close, esp since she lived close to me and we went to the same college so I was able to see her as often. Last year, the day before her birthday, she lost a special someone in her life. I wanted to always be there for her but for the sake of wanting to give her space because she needed it, I was able to do so. From the summer of ‘15 to now we don’t talk anymore. Things between us got busy; work, school, life, forgot (haha). I missed having her around and I’ve always tried to reach out to her. I’m not sure if it is something I done wrong or if things fell apart.
As much as I worried of not hearing back from her, I thought of ways to make myself feel better as to why there isn’t any communication. But I got used to her habits of not talking to me anymore..
I pray that all is well and I hope one day we’ll be able to catch up.
Post-Grad
Days after graduation and while I’m here, contemplating on my life.
Yesterday I received a phone call from Susan, a recruiter from a company I was hoping to work for. She indirectly told me that I didn’t get the offer. I was pretty heartbroken. After I hung up the phone, I automatically went to sad mode but it wasn’t for too long. ‘Why do I suck in interviews?’ I thought. How did I manage to get a job at Fuddruckers and at the Fenwick Library because the people who interviewed me wanted me to work for them. But for a career that I at least want to start, I can’t even get that..
So far I have applied to two positions in a same company, and a faculty here is helping me get an IT position.
It sucks that I’m not the greatest in communication. I can show you that I am capable in working for a company than explaining what I’m doing.
I want to start my career but how can I start when I don’t ever get offers after being in numerous interviews :(
1 more day
I’m currently on desk and its crazy to believe I’m graduating tomorrow..
Tomorrow will be my day to shine. I’ll have a fun day. Fun day.
He will finally meet my parents for the first time and I’m pretty excited :)
I’m looking forward on the days ahead and I pray I’ll still get that offer letter.

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I’M BAAAACK.
Its been since last year that I have written on this blog.
For those who still have been following me, thanks
For those who decided to unfollow me, thanks too
I don’t know if I’ll continue being here on tumblr, but this might be a way for myself to escape.
I’m graduating in 2 days.. its still not getting to me xD
Dear you,
You don't have a tumblr, so I guess I can post here.
I don't know when we'll come in contact, but I'm forever sorry. I won't ever forgive myself for what I've done to you. You were my everything. To be honest, you're on my mind ever since I came home and it kills me inside on how things aren't the same anymore. It really hurts and it still hurts. I won't ever stop thinking about those memories we had. There's times I am tempted to travel to those places that we went together and remember all those fun times we had together.
I hope you're doing alright. I hope you know I still care and that won't ever go away.
from,
me.
i love them so much
This song, which I wrote in April, is a response to what I have observed and experienced, and is also an act of personal accountability. It was not easy to write, and I struggled with how I, as a straight male, could genuinely speak upon this issue. Initially, I tried writing from the perspective of a gay, bullied kid, but after getting some feedback, I felt it wasn’t my story to tell. What I do know, and where I wrote from, is my own perspective growing up in a culture where “that’s gay” was commonplace, with a huge stigma on those who identified and were perceived as gay. Growing up in the Catholic Church, I saw first-hand how easily religion became a platform for hate and prejudice. Those who “believed” were excused from their own judgments, bypassing the stark issue of basic civil rights. But, more influential to me as a kid than the church was hip hop, my cultural foundation that influenced my worldview. Unfortunately, intolerance of the gay community in hip hop is widespread. The best rappers will use homophobic language on albums that critics rave about, making hip hop and homophobia inextricably linked. We have sidestepped the issue entirely, become numb to the language that we use, and are increasingly blinded to our own prejudice. The consequence and impact of what we say, and the culture of shame and abuse it creates, has very real, sometimes deadly impacts upon LGBTQ young people looking for acceptance and belonging. As somebody that believes in equal rights for all humans, you can only watch poison regurgitated for so long. I am not saying that intolerance is exclusive to hip hop. Hip hop culture is a part of American culture, and America can be scared, fearful, and prejudiced against its own. My intent is not to scrutinize or single out hip hop. It happens to be the culture that has profoundly shaped me, and the one I feel most accountable to. Hip hop is influential to young people, and frames the mindset of the generation that will decide how inclusive and accepting we are. More than anything, I am aware of how comfortable I (and many other straight people) have become in staying silent on this issue. If we choose to not speak on an issue of injustice out of fear, or how our peers might perceive us, we’re part of the problem. We know the truth, and vainly refuse to uphold it, when people’s lives are caught in the balance. In the last couple of months, amazing things have happened that show progress and accountability to ensure that the LGBTQ community has the same rights and respect as everyone else. THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES came out in support of gay marriage. Jay-Z, arguably the biggest rapper in the world, then followed. Finally, Frank Ocean felt comfortable enough with himself to share his sexuality in his music and came out last week. That is courage. This song is a humble submission to help bring this conversation to the surface, so that we can reflect on the language we use, and how powerful it can be. Rethinking, and understanding the gravity of how we communicate with each other. Change happens when dialogue happens. When we confront our prejudice and are honest with ourselves, there is room for growth, and there is room for justice.
After I wrote this song, I played it for a friend of mine who happened to be involved with the Music for Marriage Equality campaign, uniting musicians to help Washington state become the very first to approve marriage equality by a public vote in November. My hope is that my personal testimony can help in some way to not only advance the dialogue and approve Referendum 74, but also to help shape a culture of belonging in which ALL people are equal.
- Macklemore “If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.” – Lilla Watson
*Also, huge shout out to the incredibly talented Mary Lambert. Such a blessing to work with her on this song.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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