Richie had always said weddings were for hooking up.
When they were in college, anyways. Before theyβd even known anyone who was married, or getting married.
College wasβ¦before a lot of things, for Richie specifically. And Eddie realized, as he let himself be pulled against crushed velvet of Richieβs suit, that he couldnβt hold him to any of it.
It should feel weird, the hand on his waist. Knowing what he knows. Shouldnβt it? But the ceremony was long, the vows heavy, and it was nice to give some of his own weight over to Richie for the rest of the evening. That was why he let it be the way that it was. Because he was tired, sometimes, and Richie was there, always. And it wasnβt weird.
βHave you thought about this? Ever?β
The prodding, he couldnβt explain so easily. But Richie never asked, so it was fine.
βWhat, Ben and Bevβs wedding?β Richie tightened a hand around Eddieβs waste and smiledβsarcastic, teasing. βOnce or twice.β
Eddie sighed, adjusting himself in Richieβs arms so his feet shuffled better against the clean tile. He should let it go.
βNo,β he huffed, and Richieβs smile widened in question, a pinch in his eyebrows. βFor you. I mean, donβt laugh, I know itβs a littleβ¦β
The joke catches in his throat by the look on Richieβs face. Soft, but certain. There was a sadness there, he knew. But only because he knew, not because he could see.
βYou know that I have,β Richie said.
Eddie looked away, tucking his chin into his own shoulder and watching the crowds move around him, before nodding.
βYeah,β he said after a beat. βYeah, I do.β
Richie paused, and though it was a thing of small movements slowing gently, Eddie found the stillness joltingβnauseating. Like he was about to be dropped.
βEddie,β Richie murmured. βIβm sorry, did Iββ
βTell me,β Eddie said, and there was no explaining that one away. βTell me what you think about.β
Friendship was important to Eddie. On the list of things that were important to Eddie, it ranked number one. Being a good friend to the friends who had been good to him.
So this wasβ¦not so familiar to him.
It was different, when he was just letting Richie carry himself that way. That way of being, dazedly, in love with Eddie in all the imaginable ways. It was different when he was letting Richie hit on him because asking Richie to keep his mouth shut about anything was, in and of itself, asking too much. It was different when he found himself kicking aimlessly through another shit relationship and let Richie get frustrated about all the ways he could do better.
Iβm sorry, Eddie. He always said sorry. Iβm sorry, you know? Itβs just that I would never. To you? How could anyone everβ¦
But asking it out of Richie like this? Indulging in someone elseβs wants because, what? He felt bad about himself? And Richie was just there, and it wasnβt weird.
Richie was so there. Smiling a little, looking down at Eddie, and then he started moving again.
βI donβt think about the day so much,β he said after some thought. βJust aboutβ¦you, and what it would mean to, um. To marry you. Sorry. Is this what youβre asking?β
βYou want me to tell you?β
βI really want to know.β
βEddie.β Richieβs voice sounded strangled. He took a deep breath. βI first thought about marrying you when we were in fourth grade. And I havenβt thought about anybody else since.β
The thing about Richie being in love with Eddie and Eddie knowing about it was that, for five years, thatβs all that it was. Eddie didnβtβcouldnβt, was his word of choiceβfeel the same way, so he never did anything more than listen. He certainly never thought about kissing Richie for it.
It was so alarming to him, so out of left field, so unlike anything heβd ever consciously come up with before, that all he could do was dismiss it. Because it was wrong, or it was not right. Not the right way, not for Richie. It was just. It was.
βNot even Michelle in stat?β Eddie joked quietly. βYou sure acted like you did.β
Richie threw his head back and laughed. Laughed, and didnβt at all seem to notice the crazed look in Eddieβs eyes, which was how this would go on for another five years.
βNo, Eddie,β he said, and adjusted his hand around Eddieβs so their fingers intertwined, because Eddie always let him. Liked it, even. βJust you.β
