It Came From The Toy Box

Now, the movie’s not out yet, so I have no idea how they’re doing Bonehead this time around. What I do know is that he looks great, which is of course, a good thing, and that he’s played by Jared Leto, which is a reason for me to drink. I swear to God, that man’s got the Franchise Touch of Death. Fortunately, because the toy has the traditional Skeletor face (you know what I mean), I don’t have to look at Jared Leto at all and can just focus on the simple joy that is a new Skeletor action figure.

The movie toyline has a few different series in it, each with a different focus. The series we’re looking at today is the Core series, called such because it’s the central focus of the toyline. The figures and vehicles in it are meant for kids ages 6+ to play with, with a huge focus on just being fun toys. We’ve got stuff like a Battle Cat that makes sounds, affordable toys of the majority of the movie’s characters (sorry, Spikor and Evil-Lyn fans, but your princess is in another castle), and figures with fun gimmicks, like swinging swords and deployable weapons. That’s the line today’s figure falls into.

Havoc Staff Attack Skeletor looks fantastic. Appearance-wise, he’s everything you’d want from a Skeletor figure. His hood and armor are textured, attached pieces that aren’t meant to be removed, and they both look and feel great on him. By not just sculpting them onto the toy, it makes the figure feel like he’s actually wearing clothing and makes him feel higher quality. He’s got an attached cloth cape that looks really great, and, because it’s cloth instead of plastic, it adds a feeling of dynamic action to the toy when you play with him. 

Peak villain design

Something I love about this figure is that his paint job’s actually different from the main Core Skeletor figure. This Skeletor’s painted to have bolts of evil energy crackling on his purple armor, showing he’s unleashing magics most foul upon He-Man and Eternia. His skull’s actually painted a different shade than the standard figure, with more purple energy around his eye sockets, further showing that he’s about to bring the pain. It really makes the toy stand out and differentiates him from his less-expensive counterpart.

The Havoc Staff, Skeletor’s mystic weapon, came out looking just terrific. The ram skull atop it is a bone white, with two piercing green gems in the eye sockets, and the horns and actual staff part of the weapon are a cool shade of gunmetal grey. The staff’s sculpting is very detailed without being overwhelming. You can clearly see the individual parts of the weapon, emphasizing that this is something that was assembled. Skeletor didn’t just find a cool stick and mount a dead animal’s skull on it. Someone took the time to build the Havoc Staff, piece by piece. It fits very nicely into either hand, though it’s meant to held on the right, as part of the toy’s gimmick. It has two pieces of translucent purple energy that clip onto the top and bottom of the staff, making it look like he’s unleashing energy waves when he uses his attack.

Why even be an evil sorcerer if you're not gonna have a skull on a staff as a weapon?

While the figure looks great, the main draw here (and the reason for that higher price tag) is the action feature. When you turn Skeletor’s waist to the right, he raises his right arm, and letting go makes him swing the staff down. In theory. See, the one I got was defective. When I turn his waist, I can feel the mechanisms inside the toy fighting me, like something inside’s bigger than it’s supposed to be. The arm doesn’t want to move, and it holds the waist in place. I did pick up a second Havoc Staff Attack Skeletor, and it doesn’t have that problem, so it looks like the defect’s isolated to either just the first one I got or a small amount of figures. If you want to avoid buying a defective sample, the best thing you can do is buy the figure in person, not online. The way the figure’s packaged, you can touch the toy and try out the gimmick yourself, meaning you can avoid my mistake.

Also make sure nobody sneezed on the cape.

Moving on to something not “Jesus Christ I spent money on a toy that doesn’t work,” let’s talk articulation! Skeletor, for the most part, is great! He’s got articulation in his neck, thighs, knees, wrists, left elbow, and left shoulder, with the right arm only having wrist articulation. The right arm is loose and flops around so that the gimmick can move it, which is great if your figure’s gimmick works. Oh dear, I made myself sad again. Now, there is one problem with the gimmick. Because of how the figure's made, you can't just leave him in the "waist turned, staff up" pose, even though it looks really cool. He'll lower the Havoc Staff the second you let go, so you're kinda stuck with him in a neutral pose for display. Besides that, though, great articulation and he stands well.

Ok, I’m not gonna even pretend someone reading this doesn’t know the premise for “Pokemon,” so I’m not gonna get into the plots of the games. I will, however, happily talk about Heracross! Her across is a Bug/Fighting-Type Pokemon from the Johto region, as seen in “Pokemon Gold, Silver, and Crystal.” In the anime, he has a tremendous fondness for tree sap and turns out to be one of Ash’s most reliable Pokemon during his time in Johto. While he’s no Charizard or Pikachu, he’s reliable and can hold his own in a fight. 

Growing up, I was absolutely delighted by Heracross’s appearance. He’s an adorable Japanese Rhinoceros Beetle, whose design makes him have a warm, friendly face. Whenever I saw him, he always looked like he had a warm, simple smile. Normally, I’m not a bug person, but he always seemed so nice and I wanted to hug him.

Now, let’s talk about what the “Battle Figures” are. Basically, they’re just the latest mainstream line of Pokemon figures. The main draw for this line is that the figures are more in scale than has been the case in previous lines. Smaller Pokemon are smaller than other figures, and the largest ones tower over others. Many figures of the bigger Pokemon have special features, such as spring-loaded missiles, button-triggered movements, and other such things that serve to emulate different special attacks. As a whole, they’re a very fun, delightful line that kids will love.

In terms of appearance, Heracross looks like he stepped right out of the anime. His show and game accuracy is absolutely stupendous, and his special feature, which we’ll talk about later, in no way takes away from his looks. He has that adorable face I talked about previously, which still makes me so happy whenever I see him. Every detail on him is both friendly and accurate, while his horn and claws make it clear he can fight if he needs to.

He's shaped like a friend

Now, Heracross is pretty limited in terms of articulation. His only posable parts are in his shoulders, so there’s a wide range of motion there. Heracross’s head cannot turn, and his special feature means there’s no real articulation in his legs. So overall, he has very limited articulation, but I feel like his special feature and great looks more than make up for that.

Seen here directing traffic

Heracross, like all the Battle Figures of his size, has a special feature. If you bend him over, he pops back up, which lets him hit things with his horn. There’s a motor in his body, like that of a wind-up toy, and that’s how the feature works. This, unfortunately, does come with a drawback: due to the nature of the mechanism, Heracross launches his attack the second you take your hand off him. You can’t keep him in position, so getting a pic of him doing the attack is a challenge. This is balanced out by the sound the motor makes when you bed Heracross over, which sounds very much like the sound a beetle makes. I’m pretty sure it’s unintentional, but it’s a really nice touch.

The desperate measures I took to get a pic of the battle feature

Now for the part of the review where I talk about my criticisms with this toy. Honestly, my only criticisms are how Heracross launches his attack automatically and how his head can’t turn. That’s really it. Other than those two slight complaints, I really like this figure.

Once again, at the time of this writing, the movie isn’t out yet. So once again, at the time of this writing, I can’t give any spoilers or tell you anything about the film’s take on Airachnid as a character other than that she’s probably a villain. I can, however, tell you about the character’s origins. Airachnid first appeared in the absolutely amazing “Transformers: Prime” animated series that I watched the hell out of in college. She was a sadistic, vicious serial killer who collected trophies from her victims and was the hated enemy of the Autobot Arcee after she tortured Arcee and killed her partner Tailgate. Upon coming to Earth, she delighted in tormenting Arcee until she was forced to join the main Decepticon force, having been largely independent up to that point. After a series of events where she was imprisoned by the Autobots in stasis, then put in storage by the Decepticons while still in stasis, she was turned into a robot vampire and was trapped on one of Cybertron’s moons, never to appear in the series again. Yeah, I know I omitted a lot, but this is a toy review blog, not a “Transformers: Prime” recap blog.

Alright, so what are Cog Changers, other than something that sounds like a car repair tool? Cog Changers are an assortment from the “Transformers: One” toyline of simple figures with very limited articulation that convert to robot mode in one step and then change back to vehicle mode by pressing a panel on their chests that’s designed to look like a Transformation Cog, the thing that lets Transformers transform. They’re this line’s version of the old One-Step Changers from prior toylines, specifically the Flip Changers from the “Transformers: Earthspark” toyline.

Airachnid, befitting her usual deal as a creepy, homicidal antagonist, is done in predominantly shades of grey. Considering the toy’s default mode is a little spider robot, this actually works really well for the figure, since most common spiders tend to be darker colors. The grey also makes the blue of her spider mode’s eyes really stand out, with the metallic coloring really emphasizing that the eyes are lenses. As a spider robot, she looks good. She looks like a little spider drone that you’d send in for spy missions, blending in and observing, scurrying about unseen until it’s time to strike, and I really like that for her. Her robot mode’s guns also end up under her spider mode’s front, making it clear she’s deadly in both modes, even if that isn’t immediately obvious. Airachnid does a good job hiding her robot mode, which isn’t visible in spider mode unless you look at her underbelly, and even then, the gunmetal grey paint helps hide it. I do love how much that paint both emphasizes the character’s deadliness and makes the blue eyes stand out. Her spider mode’s sculpting is great, too. It’s surprisingly detailed for a figure of this size and price point, which is yet another reason for me to rave about how this mode looks.

The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout

The spider mode does actually have some articulation. The two sets of spider legs can move, but the joints each set is on make it so the legs don’t have the strength to support her weight. Other than that, there’s no articulation at all in either mode, but we’ll come back to the legs when we discuss robot mode.

As befitting this type of figure, transforming Airachnid is super easy. You just fold the chest in and the robot legs out from beneath her, and almost everything moves into place. Once she’s in robot mode, just push up on the tab on her chest to move her transformation cog panel into position, reposition the spider legs as desired, and you’re good. Sometimes, though, the transformation cog panel won’t want to stay in place, and you’ll need to fiddle with it to get it to stay.

Airachnid’s robot mode is more broad shouldered than I expected. She kinda has the classic Superman build, with the broad chest and shoulders, the triangular torso, and the muscular thighs. I was honestly surprised by how heroic the build looks from the front, especially since the character’s usually one of the more monstrous villains in the franchise. Part of that is due to her leg design. The legs are build like artificial limbs sprinters use, and also have a big hole in the sides of the thighs. Presumably, it’s for her flight mode that we briefly see in one of the trailers, but it feels out of place on this toy. Airachnid’s shoulder armor has a pair of dark red stripes on each shoulder that blend into the grey. I kinda wish those stood out more, but the darker colors used does a good job emphasizing that this is a dangerous woman, and brighter colors would take attention away from the rest of the toy, especially since those are the only red spots. I love the lighter metal grey used for the guns on Airachnid’s arms. It makes it very clear she’s packing and ready for a fight. Her head has some vague similarities to her “Prime” counterpart, but it’s a lot smoother and with less stylization to it. At the same time, you can see where it could become the head we’re more familiar with as the character gets older and goes through the war, which serves as a neat reminder that the war hasn’t happened yet and that this is a younger character. I am thrown off by the robot mode’s blue eyes, though. They feel too nice and friendly, and a lot less like the eyes of a killer. Seems like a weird choice. The transformation cog panel on Airachnid’s chest is nicely detailed. The majority of it is the same color as the guns, which makes it stand out against Airachnid’s chest, and the blue does a great job telling kids “press here to transform me.” It’s very nice. The figure does a good job hiding the spider mode, which is mostly folded on her back and blends in really well. It just looks like she has armor on her back, and the spider legs really look great.

Good posture is important, even for killer space robots

In terms of articulation, we have barely any here. Airachnid’s arms are at her sides, and at her sides they will stay. This means her guns are stuck pointing at the ground, which I guess means the only shooting she’s doing is if she’s standing directly on top of someone. The spider legs, though, do still have their articulation. Normally, you keep them more behind her back. However, the tips of the legs are designed so you can fit the blast effects that come with the more collector-aimed toys on them, making it look like the legs are also guns.

Transforming Airachnid back to spider mode is where I have a problem. You transform her by pressing the transformation cog panel on her chest, which makes her change back automatically. On my figure, though, the robot mode legs will stop short of folding up all the way, keeping her almost entirely, but not quite, transformed, and requiring me to push the legs the rest of the way in. It doesn’t damage the figure, and I never feel like it’s going to strain the toy at all, but it is annoying. The panel is also supposed to drop back down out of sight when Airachnid transforms back, but it doesn’t always do so. If it doesn’t on yours, push the tab that moves it into place for robot mode up and it will drop back down.

Fun fact: if you put a small pencil through the thigh holes, you can spin her around like a carnival toy! I take no responsibility for any damage or injury caused by doing this.

Now, as of this article, the movie isn’t out yet, so I can’t spoil anything or say too much about the plot or characters, other than that the movie is about Orion Pax and D-16, the best friends who will become the heroic Optimus Prime and the evil Megatron. If you don’t know who those characters are, then I am very confused as to why you’re reading a review of Transformers toys. Are you that bored at work?

Now, what is a Prime Changer? Prime Changers, basically, are the main figures of the “Transformers: One” toyline. They’re simpler than the collector-aimed “Studio Series” line, and are the off the shelf figures for kids you’d think of when you think of Transformers. No fancy gimmicks, no overly complicated transformations, just a robot that turns into something and back again.

At first look, Prime Changer Optimus Prime looks great. He’s very colorful, blocky-looking, and seems to be exactly what you think of when you think of a young, pre-war Optimus. He has all the expected Optimus details, like the smoke stacks on his shoulders, the chest window, and the wheels on his legs. He’s supposed to capture the essence of Optimus Prime, and he does. Of course, these days, that means he also takes a massive amount of inspiration from the original, G1 Optimus Prime that’s been around since the 80’s and who gets a new figure every single year with no exception, so do keep that in mind. Now, when you get a closer look, flaws become apparent. The wheels in Prime’s shoulders are a different grey than the pant on him, so they stand out like a sore thumb, which takes away from the look. Hollow areas become more noticeable, and there’s nothing particularly new or interesting to compensate for those cosmetic letdowns.

Articulation-wise, Optimus is pretty decent. Very posable, lots of joints, just as you would expect. There’s nothing really shocking or dynamic here. Saying that a mainline Transformer is very posable is like saying ice is cold. Like, yeah, I would certainly hope so. If it wasn’t, I’d have some concerns. It’s important to note, though, that there are some limits on his poses. Optimus comes with a removable Matrix of Leadership that he can theoretically hold in his hands to recreate the classic “lighting our darkest hour” pose everyone does with the Matrix. The thing is, his big chest gets in the way of that, so he needs to hold the Matrix at about gut level. It looks a lot less impressive than you’d hope and a lot more like Optimus is rubbing it on his stomach for luck.

Speaking of his waist area, while he does have a waist joint, his crotch design actually limits how much the waist can rotate. And by “limits,” I mean he can barely rotate. It’s kinda a letdown, because the parts are there, but the toy itself stops you from using them.

So, this is a Transformer, so let’s talk about transforming. I hated this part. It wasn’t complicated, true. It was very straightforward, with a few extra steps like rotating the arms and opening the legs, and the process integrates Prime’s ax accessory into it, so that has a place to store, which is nice. The problem is that you gotta line up some tabs just so to make sure the whole thing pegs together right, and that was a living hell. I spent more time trying to get those tabs on his legs and the holes on his back lined up than I did on any other step of the transformation. It was frustrating as hell, and I really don’t wanna do that again. Also, part of the transformation is unfolding the truck grill from behind Prime’s chest. It’s a simple process with no extra steps, but if you have short nails, it’s gonna be more of a pain than it should be. Getting the axe into position for vehicle mode takes way too much fiddling and adjusting to be worthwhile. Transforming this guy was really annoying and not all that fun. As for getting him back to robot mode, that’s a damn chore. Prime’s back piece doesn’t like doing a lot of what it’s supposed to, and parts pop off constantly. Unless you’re very careful, expect Prime’s arms, chest, and back to pop off at least once during transforming, which especially sucks because reattaching the back is a pain. It took a while before I was able to transform him even once without any issues, and I remain convinced I just got lucky.

Of course, Optimus Prime turns into a truck. It’s basically an alien version of the truck he always turns into. If you’ve seen one G1 Optimus Prime truck mode, you have a solid idea of what this dude looks like. The truck mode doesn’t roll well at all. The back wheels just barely clear the legs to roll unencumbered, to the point that if you get a figure with the molding off by even a smidge, you’re outta luck.

Let’s talk accessories. Optimus comes with his axe, two smokestacks, and the Matrix of Leadership. The axe looks pretty good. Between the sculpting and color, it looks like a mechanical weapon charged with energy, and the sculpting and paint at the base make it look like the axe emerged from Prime’s palm.

It fits over Prime’s hand, with a peg inside the base that Prime holds onto, The problem here is that once Prime has it, he doesn’t wanna drop it. It’s a snug fit. Too snug. The way Prime’s hands are attached to his wrists means that you need to be careful taking the axe out of his hand, or else the hand will pop off. I find that pressing against where his hand connects to his wrist helps hold the hand in place while I pull the axe off.

Prime’s smokestacks are meh. They can be removed from his shoulders to be held as a pair of pistols that are blatantly just smokestacks in his hands. When you transform Prime, they will want to come right out of there, so keep an eye on them.

The Matrix, though, is awful. Just, really awful. It looks and feels cheap, which is a shame considering it’s the damn Matrix of Leadership. It’s also inconsistent about staying in Prime’s chest. Sometimes, it fits pretty well. Sometimes, it feels a bit loose. But the thing I really hate about it is that its plastic and design are definitely cheap. This became clear to me the first time I transformed Prime. When transforming Prime, the instructions say you can leave the Matrix in his chest, because its storage spot is a peg on the back of his truck grill.

The instructions are a sheet of lies. The Matrix takes up just enough space where it will get knocked out when transforming Prime, or , worse, it’ll break. The first time I transformed this figure, before I even took pictures, one of the handles on the Matrix snapped off.

This actually revealed how cheap it was to me. See, the break was a clean break. TOO clean. It seems like the handles of the Matrix are actually separate parts that were glued onto the Matrix, and that glue’s not exactly the stuff of legends. When I looked at the break, I also noticed that it looks like the Matrix itself is actually painted over blue plastic, the same kind Prime’s axe is made of. The Matrix is very small, and the plastic is very thin, so any amount of force on it’s going to break it. Hell, the plastic is so weak and cheap that when the handle broke off, I didn’t even notice. I didn’t feel any resistance or indicator it was in the way of the transformation. It was there, and then it broke. As easy as I breathe with as little notice. If you wanna keep it safe, just take it out and set it aside, only to be used for poses.

And now, of course, the main issues I have with this figure. I know plastic’s gotten more expensive, so toy companies are cutting costs. I get that. But by God, this figure feels cheap. The plastic feels so cheap to the touch that it’s the first thing my wife commented on when she touched Prime. When you start looking him over in your hands, you notice how hollow the toy is. He LOOKS very solid and bulky, like Optimus should. This makes how light he is feel surprising, and how hollow he is feel like a letdown. Some parts, like his chest plate are thin enough that I can see the shadow of my hand on the other side. Also, he’s just so damn small, He’s frustratingly short. I’m gonna sound like an old man here, but I remember when a $20 Transformer had some size and heft to him. This Prime’s smaller than the $10 ones I had as a kid and still do have. Between the cheap plastic, the parts popping off, how hollow and short Prime is, and how easily the Matrix broke, the whole toy just feels super cheap. 

Alright, still haven’t seen the movie, so this is a spoiler-free review. I’m also probably not going to see the movie any time soon, because that costs money, which I’m not exactly rolling in. Anyways, since I haven’t seen the movie, I can’t really tell you anything about the character other than that they’re a mutant alligator whose toy bio uses they/them pronouns.

I really do like Leatherhead’s look. It’s very stylized, with the proportions reflecting those of an unmutated alligator. Their whole look is essential an update of the original Leatherhead, and it really, really works. One change from the original look that I really dig is the night vision goggles. Since Leatherhead’s whole deal is supposed to be “backwoods hunter,” the goggles are an excellent addition. In addition, Leatherhead’s tail feels like it could really do some damage. It’s big, bulky, and feels like a blunt weapon.

I know they're just smiling because they're a gator, but I choose to believe they're genuinely happy to see me

Now, I do have one complaint about Leatherhead’s look. I mentioned that the proportions match those of regular alligators. Well, that does have a downside. See, IRL, alligators don’t really tend to have massive limbs when compared to their bodies. That’s the case here, too. Leatherhead has skinny arms and legs, and tiny hands and feet. If it wasn’t for the tail, Leatherhead would have pretty terrible balance.

Between the tail and the proportions, buying pants has gotta be a nightmare for Leatherhead

Leatherhead’s got some fantastic articulation, which is very par for the course for the “Mutant Mayhem” figures. I gotta say, I love how the figures in this line are so articulated without breaking the bank. It’s a nice change of pace from a lot of modern action figures. Leatherhead has articulation at the waist, elbows, shoulders, wrists, thighs, knees, ankles, and tail. They’re a really well-designed figure. However, the balance issues I previously mentioned mean there’s only so much posing Leatherhead can do before they fall over, so don’t go getting all excited about using this figure for an exciting action display.

Trying to strike that delicate balance between "showing off articulation" and "not falling over"

Leatherhead comes with a ton of accessories, most of which are based off the accessories of the original figure, and are even packaged the same way as those of the original figure. Their main accessory, though, is a shotgun, which, unlike the rest of their accessories, is actually painted. The shotgun fits perfectly in Leatherhead’s hands and can be stored in a bag on Leatherhead’s back.

Some cartoon villains use goofy, over the top weapons. Leatherhead, meanwhile, favors something a little more... direct

I absolutely love that, because so many toys have no way to store the accessories, meaning you lose them in a week.

The one accessory I didn't lose is, ironically, the only one not on the sprue.

I never got the chance to see “Mutant Mayhem,” due to a lot of life stuff that came up, which means I can’t actually put spoilers in this review since I don’t know any. That being said, here’s what I do know: “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem” is the latest installment of the classic “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” franchise, was released in August of this year (2023, in case you’re reading this in the future), and introduces the turtles as a group of young teens hoping to find acceptance in the world.

The subject of today’s review, Superfly, is the main antagonist of the film. As I haven’t seen the movie, I’m not gonna go too much into who he is, but I can provide some background info on where he came from. In the original Ninja Turtles cartoon of the late 80’s-early 90’s, which was based on a surprisingly dark comic book series, Baxter Stockman was a hapless scientist who, after failing to sell his inventions, was recruited by the evil Shredder to be his personal tech guy. After some defeats at the hands of the turtles, Stockman was eventually transformed into a fly mutant and driven completely insane, as tends to be the case with people turned into fly mutants. Remember kids, if he’s got bug eyes, bug wings, and some extra limbs, odds are he’s not well. Superfly’s whole look and status as a fly mutant villain is taken from this version of Stockman, though I’ve got no idea if they’re the same dude in this version, since I’ve been avoiding spoilers.

In Soviet Russia, fly swats YOU!

The figure himself looks great. Like, I really love the look of this toy and have zero complaints. I absolutely love the torn clothing he wears, and extra details like his left foot bursting out of a sneaker really show the love that got put into designing this figure. I’m also a big fan of the torn up shirt and sweater vest, and the comically ill-fitting tie. It has an air of trying to seem human, but rejecting it in the end. Honestly, it gives me peak “I was once a man” vibes. I also really like the head sculpt on Superfly. Despite the general lack of human facial structure in it, he still manages to have an angry expression, and one gets the impression he’s cocking an eyebrow, if he had eyebrows. It’s a really expressive face for a bug. I’m also a fan of Superfly’s two extra arms at his waist. They’re tiny and can’t hold anything, but I really feel like they’re a nice touch that adds something fun and gross to his whole look. Superfly’s a bit physically lopsided, as you can tell by using your damned human eyes to gaze upon his visage. One arm’s a regular, though blue, arm that can hold his accessories. The other’s a massive, bulky claw arm that looks like it packs a hell of a punch. It’s a cool addition that shows that this guy’s able to throw hands, and I like that it suggests that Superfly’s mutation wasn’t exactly a controlled, successful one. Something very much did not go right when this dude was created. I’m also a fan of his translucent bug wings. They’re not comically small, and they’re not so big that they take away from his own stuff. They’re a nice, medium size.

In terms of articulation, Superfly’s pretty great. He’s got articulated shoulders, thighs, knees, and a neck and left elbow, which all adds up to a surprisingly articulated figure. His two little arms aren’t articulated, but I’m actually fine with that. Really small joints, like the kind those arms would need, tend to become looser easier. My one complaint is that his large, right claw isn’t articulated. I feel like the designers missed an opportunity there, and it also only gives him one hand to hold things with.

"Have you ever heard of insect politics? Neither have I. Insects... don't have politics."

I also really like how balanced this figure is. His insect feet give him a high degree of balance, making up for any issues caused by his huge torso, though his large right arm can cause him to tilt or lean, so watch out for that. Now, earlier, I mentioned that Superfly’s left foot is bursting out of a shoe. The way the shoe’s positioned on his leg, it actually helps balance him. I feel like that’s a really nice touch.

Superfly comes with action packed Male Pattern Baldness!

Superfly, like any good Ninja Turtle toy, comes with a variety of accessories. What I really love is that most of those accessories come attached to a sprue, just like the original toys from the 80’s. In fact, a lot of the accessories are similar to the ones included with the original Baxter Stockman fly. His main accessory, though, is a ray-gun that he can hold in his left hand. It’s both not attached to the sprue and has more paint used on it than the other accessories. Superfly’s wings also come as an accessory and are not attached to the figure. Instead, they must be pegged into his back, which is fine since the connection’s a strong one, so you don’t need to worry about the wings falling off. What’s weird, though, is that one of Superfly’s four wings is actually separate from the other three. It has to be attached to the rest of the wings before they’re attached to the bug himself. Maybe this made packaging him easier? It’s just a bit odd to me. Unfortunately, the way that one wing comes detached means it comes off easier than the other wings. Keep an eye on it, because it does want to come off, so you’ll need to keep pushing it back in as you play with the figure. It’s the one big weakness of an otherwise solid toy.

No, that wing isn't broken. Yes, I checked. No, I didn't break this toy right out of the box and then spin an elaborate lie to cover my ass. It's just a weird design choice.

Quick rehash about the plot of “Jurassic Park,” in case you need the refresher: a rich dude finds a way to bring back dinosaurs in modern times, which everyone tells him is a bad idea, and decides to open a theme park with them, which he cuts some important corners on. He invites a group of scientists to the park to confirm it’s safe, so that the insurance companies will sign off on it. Thanks to the aforementioned cut corners and the actions of the single IT guy who worked there (“We spared no expense” my ass), the park’s power and security craps out during a storm, trapping everyone on an island now roaming with dinosaurs, including velociraptors and a T-Rex, because bringing those back from the dead in a world where they have no natural predators was a great decision. Now, there’s some room for debate on how much of the park’s failure is from the owner cutting essential corners and pouring money into things like presentation and ice cream, and how much of it comes from intentional sabotage from the IT guy, who it’s implied put in a very low bid to get the job, but it’s my blog and I’m blaming the rich guy.

The main focus of this set is my favorite human from the franchise, Dr. Ian Malcolm, as played by the always-delightful Jeff Goldblum. Malcolm is a snarky mathematician who specializes in Chaos Theory and is brought in to mathematically predict the odds of the park going to Hell in a handbasket. Once he sees the dinosaurs in person, he quickly goes from “oh wow, the dinosaurs are alive” to “oh dear God, this is gonna be such a disaster.” Spoiler alert: he’s right, and a bunch of people die. Malcolm’s such a delight in the first movie that he was made the star of the sequel, “The Lost World: Jurassic Park,” and would go on to appear in two of the “Jurassic World” movies.

The toy we’re looking at today, “Jurassic Park Dr. Ian Malcolm Glider Escape Pack,” is part of a Target-exclusive line of “Jurassic Park” toys meant to homage the original movie toys from 1993, when the movie first came out. And the fact it came out 30 years ago makes me want to go drink and cry. The different toy sets in this line are based off the original toys, but, unlike other toylines that have done similar things, such as the “Star Wars Retro Collection” and “Transformers Vintage G1 and Beast Wars,” the figures in this line are modern toys with details and accessories inspired by the originals, instead of rereleases of the orignal figures. They’re also not modern versions of the original toys, like how Hasbro released updated versions of Greedo, a Jawa, and Obi-Wan Kenobi as part of the “Star Wars Black Series.” Instead, the sets here are original sets based off different ideas from the original line, which makes for some fun and interesting toys.

This set features Dr. Malcolm wearing a winged jetpack, which the packaging calls a glider,” and swooping in to rescue a baby dinosaur from a larger dinosaur by shooting the larger dinosaur with a gun bigger than Malcolm’s own torso. This toy takes a lot of inspiration from the original “Ian Malcolm with Launching Tranq Missile Dart” toy. The Ian Malcolm figure in this set is a smaller version of the original, with better detailing and articulation. His glider pack looks almost identical to the original’s, just with the addition of wings, and his gun’s large enough to make an NRA member feel emasculated. He’s even got a large, translucent green missile, which is very similar to the original figure’s missile, just without the grey part the original’s missile had. In terms of being a solid homage to the original, this toy passes with flying colors. Plus, I do really like how the figure took a lot of inspiration from the original and then added on. It’s not the same toy from ’93 and successfully stands on its own, but you can still see where it took from that first toy. It’s a successful modernization of a toy from the early 90’s.

Not pictured: me desperately trying to clean all this before my wife needed to sit down.

Ian Malcolm himself is really articulated. He’s got articulation in his head, shoulders, elbows, legs, and knees, which makes for a lot of fun posing. In terms of looks, he’s fantastic. The sculpting is really on point with this toy. There’s a few buttons undone on his shirt, his clothes have some wrinkles, and even his boots have a lot of sculpted details. Where he really shines, though, is his head. His head does a terrific job of capturing the character from the big screen, from the rocker hair to the cocky smirk. One detail I especially love is what was done with his eyes. Malcolm has eyes behind his glasses, which are a separate piece that was attached to his head. Behind the glasses, and visible through them if you look close enough, are actual eyes. It’s an added detail to this toy that I really like. Just be careful, because since the glasses are a separate piece that the makers attached to Malcolm’s head, there’s a risk of accidentally breaking them off. It’d be hard to do, and I haven’t done it, but a small piece attached with glue or pegs will always have that risk.

Malcolm has two main accessories: the aforementioned glider pack and large gun. First, let’s talk about that sweet-ass glider. The glider pack comes partially disassembled, so you need to attach the wings to it yourself. It’s a super easy process, as the wings peg right on and stay on securely. From the back, it looks almost identical to the backpack accessory from the original toy, just with wings. What that means is that it’s a black backpack with translucent green parts on it. It almost looks like Jeff Goldblum is wearing a nuclear jetpack to fight crime with, and I am definitely into that idea. 

Because if you’re gonna be a scientist, you should definitely have giant guns and jetpacks

Now, getting the backpack on Dr. Malcolm is a little bit trickier than it used to be, where you would just peg it onto his back. For this toy, you have to pull the bottom of the left shoulder strap out of the little slot it tabs into on the backpack. Then, you slide it over Malcolm’s right arm until you line the peg up with the hole on his back, which will let you attach the backpack. Now, put the left strap tab back into the slot. It’s a little more complicated than I like, and the tab feels a little loose. Also, putting the backpack on wreaks havoc on Malcolm’s ability to stand. He WILL fall over, and it IS because of the giant jetpack on his back.

The other accessory is the large gun with the green missile. I love this weapon. Between the absurd size and the green missile, it feels less like something you use to tranquilize a dinosaur and more like something you use to kill Superman. It’s pure 90’s glory, and I love it. The missile is spring loaded and does have some power, so keep that in mind. Don’t aim it at anyone’s face, or there’s gonna be issues. My only problem with the gun is that it’s so big that Malcolm will fall over if you put it in his hand. Rule of thumb: big accessories mean little balance.

Lex Luthor’s latest weapon to kill Superman

There are two dinosaurs in this set, and each have their own accessories. So yeah, this is a longer review. I just waited to bring it up until now because now you’re trapped in this review and have to see it through! Trapped! TRAPPED, I SAY!

Anyways, the first dinosaur is a baby triceratops. She has no articulation at all, which is alright with me since more articulated figures in this set would drive up the price. She looks very pretty, though. I love her colors, especially the facial markings. They draw attention to her surprised expression and match her horns, which, again, look very nice. I also really like her sculpted details. They add some texture to the figure and also really add to her appearance. Without them, she’d look like a cheap, dollar store toy. 

Soon to star in about 15 “Land Before Time” sequels

She has one accessory, a harness that fits over her back. It’s a nice little accessory that fits pretty snugly on her and has a handle so Dr. Malcolm can carry her away. Getting the handle in his hand can be tricky, though, so you might have to fiddle a little with it.

It turns out that, even as a baby, a triceratops weighs a crapload.

The other dinosaur is a dilophosaurus, which, as a carnivore who needs to eat meat to survive, is our villain for this set. Because the Great Circle of Life can kiss our collective asses. She looks pretty good, too, with her dark green body and the leaf green markings. It really draws in the eye without clashing and sells the idea that this is a jungle predator. She has a little articulation, which is nice, since it lets her pose a little and chase her prey. Her mouth opens and her limbs can all move, but be careful with the legs. They’re a bit stiff, and I’ve heard some people worry about damaging them from moving them too much. She also has a tab in her back you can pull up that has a code you can scan as part of an app meant to go with the toy. Now, her tail looks like it should be able to move. It can’t. Don’t be tempted. It’s not stuck, it doesn’t need a little force to move, and it’s not a factory error. The tail does not move, and attempting to force the issue will not end well.

Ugh, she’s making a face. Now we gotta take the picture again

Her accessories are a set of restraints: a muzzle for her head and a set of cuffs for her limbs. The cuffs clip onto her limbs nicely, and the muzzle fits snugly onto the head. The end result is that you really get the feeling this is a dangerous animal being transported in a zoo. I really like how it comes out.

The all-dinosaur version of “Silence of the Lambs” was a smash hit

Now, before we get started, I just wanna say one thing: last week when we looked at Ken, I said that because I had zero success finding the “Barbie: The Movie” dolls anywhere except online stores, it looked like the movie line was an online only exclusive. So of course, the very next day, I went to my local Target and found the movie dolls. The universe delights in kicking me sometimes.

The “Barbie: The Movie” toyline is the toyline released for the movie and is now available at mass retail. If you missed last week’s review, here’s a quick recap: the toyline is, obviously, centered around the upcoming movie, with dolls based off the cast, as well as vehicles and playsets. The dolls have a higher level of articulation, more accessories, and a bigger price tag than the standard dolls.

From what we’ve seen in the trailers, Barbie the character, played by beloved actress Margot Robbie, seems like an optimistic, friendly, cheerful go-getter with a wide circle of friends and a heart of gold. So basically my exact opposite in every way. When things begin changing in her world, Barbie sets off on a journey to the real world, accompanied by Ryan Gosling’s Ken, to get to the bottom of things. Other than that basic synopsis, I can’t say anything else about the character. The movie isn’t out yet. This is all I got.

This doll looks great. She has a very classic look to her, right down to the arched feet and the hairstyle, and is pretty much exactly what you’d want in this doll. She does a great job conveying Margot Robbie’s likeness without going into the Uncanny Valley, which is nice because you don’t want Barbie to scare children usually. Save that for the doll scene in “Small Soldiers.”

I absolutely adore Barbie’s outfit. She comes wearing a pink and white plaid dress, pink heels and a matching hair bow, and flower earrings, a necklace, and a bracelet, which all comes together to make a bright, cherry doll whose accessories scream “let’s enjoy a beautiful day.” It’s a really great outfit and I feel it does a terrific job conveying who this character is. Interestingly, this doll also comes with actual underpants, which is noteworthy because most Barbies and Kens just have sculpted underpants. I feel like it’s a nice touch and a good way to confirm that no, Barbie is not going commando.

Life in plastic, it’s fantastic!

In terms of articulation, Barbie has it going on! She’s covered in joints, which means she’s here to strike a pose atop the crushed bodies of rival dolls who thought they could stand against her. I’m really happy with all the joints she has, and I feel like kids will also like them.

Barbie, seen here after ruthlessly slaughtering Jem and the Holograms.

Now, of course, I do have a few complaints. After all, nothing in life is perfect except for those special moments with the people we care for, when we’re truly connected and at ease, and even those moments are far too fleeting in the cruel passage of time. My first issue is the issue I usually have with Barbies: she can’t stand on her own. I know that’s always been a thing, but it still bugs me a little. Since this is a doll aimed at collectors, you might wanna make sure you buy a doll stand when you get her. My second complaint is with her heels. They’re pretty loose on her feet, which makes them really easy to lose. Considering how part of the point of Barbie is changing her outfits, the fact that doing so means you’re a ton more likely to lose a shoe really feels like a problem to me. Other than those two things, though, this doll’s really great.

She took the other shoe off so she could kick the Bratz’ asses without damaging her heels.

From what we’ve seen so far, “Barbie: The Movie” takes place in a world where almost everyone’s a Barbie or Ken, with the exceptions of Midge and Allen. Don’t worry, Midge and Allen, you’ll always have a place in my heart. Ryan Gosling’s Ken, whom we’ll be looking at today, is the beach-themed boyfriend of Margot Robbie’s Barbie, the star of the whole shebang. From what we’ve seen in the trailers, Ken is not exactly carrying a lot between the ears, but he adores Barbie enough to accompany her on her adventure. Until the movie comes out, that’s about all I got here. It’s kinda hard to talk about a movie character whose movie hasn’t come out yet. I could tell you about my many Ken dolls, but I don’t think that will be helpful. Though I do adore my Kens. Anyways, moving on.

The dolls for “Barbie: The Movie” are actually aimed more at collectors than kids or casual fans. What this means is that they tend to be pricier, but with really good articulation. These dolls also have higher quality outfits, which makes sense, since the dolls can do more than the average Barbie. You don’t wanna wear out the outfits. While Barbie products in general are very easy to come by, I actually haven’t had any luck in finding the movie dolls at mass retail yet. Based on everything I’ve read, they’re a limited edition line of dolls, and from what I’ve seen, they can only be found online. I’ve had pretty good luck with Amazon and Mattel’s website, but absolutely zero success at physical stores.

In terms of build, Ken looks very pretty. This is a guy who very much works out and definitely has a beach bod, which, based on what we know of the character so far, is exactly what we want. His head does a pretty good job replicated Ryan Gosling in doll form, but the lack of the stubble that Gosling has in the movie makes this Ken look younger and preppier than you’d expect. Also of note here is that this Ken, unlike most Kens you’ll find at mass retail, has rooted hair. It’s also gelled to hold in place, which I personally think works very well for this doll, especially since it’s a doll based off a man who’s supposed to be a doll.

Hair of gold, brain of lead

Ken’s outfit is very bright and colorful, which I absolutely love. It’s nice to see dudes in bright colors, especially since society keeps encouraging guys to wear drab, darker colors. The world of “Barbie: The Movie” is bright, fun, and colorful, and I am delighted to see Ken wearing outfits that go along with that. Ken’s outfit consists of white sneakers, beach shorts, and an open beach shirt, so that I can gaze upon Ryan Gosling’s sculpted (literally) abs and be reminded that I no longer have the metabolism I did in college and that I should probably eat healthier, but that I won’t because burgers taste too good.

I could look like this if I worked out more! And got extensive surgery! And dyed my hair! And was 12 inches high! And was made of plastic!

Ken, like every doll in the movie line, is heavily articulated, which is absolutely what you want for a doll whose whole purpose in life is to party on a beach. He’s got joints in his shoulders, arms, wrists, legs, knees, and neck, so you can put him in all kinds of poses.

Thirst Trap Ken

Aside from his clothes, Ken comes with one accessory: a blue surfboard. It’s proportionate to Ken, which means it’s pretty big. I am a bit let down by the fact that it doesn’t have any detail, but if the idea was to replicate what a classic toy surfboard from the 50’s would look like, then I guess mission accomplished.

Does this paint job have you feeling “board?” Surf pun! Delightful.

 The surfboard has two clips on top, which you can attach to Ken’s wrist, so he can hold the board, or feet, so he can ride the board. The clips are pretty strong, so Ken’s not going to fall off the board any time soon, but that also means that you might have a hard time detaching the board from Ken’s arm. Just keep that in mind so you don’t break something.

I know nothing about surfing culture, so anything I say here will sound forced.

The “Space Discovery” line, as you can probably guess from the name, is a line of Barbie products focusing on space. You’ve got space stations, small space ship playsets for child dolls to play in, and even science classrooms focusing on space. That’s a lot of space stuff, and as someone who loves him some space toys, I am thrilled!

The doll we’re looking at today, Astronaut Barbie, comes in two varieties: white Barbie and black Barbie. Both dolls come with the same outfit and accessories, and they both have the same levels of articulation, so let’s dive in!

Each doll is posed standing at attention, with slight bends in their arms. They’ve got the standard Barbie articulation: moving arms and legs, and ball-joint necks. So pretty much what you’d expect from a Barbie doll.

You would not believe how hard it was to get a picture without massive amounts of glare on the helmets.

The dolls have the standard Barbie bodies, like you’d expect. There is one big thing to note here, though. Normally, people think of Barbies as having big arches in their feet, like they’re wearing eternal high heels. In fact, one of the big scenes from the first Barbie trailer puts focus on Barbie’s foot having that arch, and a later trailer makes a big deal out of Barbie no longer having that arch. So considering how much I’ve been talking about the arch in Barbie’s foot, you can probably guess what I’m about to say: “Barbie has no foot arch.” Well, you’d be wrong. What I’m actually gonna say is that the arch, which still present, is slighter than what people would expect. 

That annoying moment when you misplace your shoe before work.

This is actually the case with a lot of modern day Barbie dolls. The reason is so your Barbie can wear different shoes and outfits without having to do a different leg mold for each Barbie. While some dolls do have the classic high arch and others have completely different leg designs, this lower arch is actually more common in modern day dolls. So if you haven’t bought the dolls for ages, this could be something useful to know. It also means you can grab most dolls and expect the different outfits sold separately to fit just fine.

The black and white Barbies do have different heads and hair textures/haircuts, which is great. The main thing I want to talk about here is the hair texture. The black doll has softer, curly hair, while the white Barbie has stiffer, straight hair. It’s a huge difference in texture, and leads to one of my few issues with Astronaut Barbie. The blonde hair feels like straw. It’s stiff and dry to the touch, like someone used way too much bleach for too long.

Barbies pose for their company photo IDs.

Now, let’s talk outfits. Astronaut Barbie wears a smooth spacesuit with a very nice amount of detailing on them. I love how the suits look and feel. They’re shiny, smooth to the touch, and covered with detailing that really adds to the look without being too much. It’s the right amount of detailing. The suits also have space program logos on the chests, which is a really nice touch.

Astronaut Barbie has a pair of large, plastic gloves and boots. The gloves have slits down the back to make it easier to put them on Barbie and to let them better go over the sleeves of the space suits, but the slits don’t close all the way and some of the sleeves can stick out of the slits as a result of this. The boots are very thick, which I really like, and even fit under the suit legs. Getting them on and off is a challenge because they are very stiff, which can be a little bit of a pain, but I do love the boots. They have a lot of sculpted details, which look really great will definitely excite kids. Also, the boots are treaded on the bottoms, which helps the doll stand on her own without the need for a stand.

Barbie also comes with a space helmet that’s made of two pieces that clip together over the doll’s head. The helmet looks great, but it also brings us to the second issue I have with the doll. The helmet doesn’t fit tightly over the doll’s head, so it’s loose and flops around. The other issue is from how the helmet clips together. Since the dolls have hair, the hair can get caught in the helmet and stick out of the top and sides. It can take a good amount of fiddling to get the hair completely in the helmet.

Barbie comes with four accessories: a small flag and three astronaut ice cream sandwiches. The flag has a little clip on it that lets Barbie hold it in her hand, but it can be a bit of a challenge to fit the clip on the gloves. I often just wedge it onto the glove’s thumb and hope it doesn’t fall off. 

We claim the moon in the name of the Barbie Empire!

The astronaut ice cream sandwiches actually bring us to my third and final complaint: Barbie has no way to hold those at all, so you’re probably gonna lose them like I did. That’s a shame, because astronaut ice cream is one of my favorite things ever. I would kill for an astronaut ice cream sandwich right now, in fact. So delicious.

Behold, one of humanity’s greatest achievements!

Alright, if you‘re reading a “Barbie” review, I’m pretty sure I can assume you know what Barbie is. The “Barbie Fashionistas” line is, essentially, the standard Barbie doll. They’re Barbie and Ken dolls that come in nice, casual clothing, have basic articulation, and come in a variety of body types, skin tones, and hair styles. While they come with default outfits, these are the dolls that are specifically made for you to buy different outfits for. Some Fashionistas come with additional accessories, like wheelchairs and prosthetics, which can sometimes cost a bit more, but are important since they reflect the diversity of the real world.

Each Fashionista doll has a number, and number 191, today’s review, is a Ken doll. This Ken’s very much what you’d imagine when you think of Ken: blonde, smiling, a bit tanned, and in decent shape. He’s the quintessential Ken.

This doll’s made out of 100% Boyfriend Material.

I really like Ken’s head sculpt. He has a pretty relaxed smile, so he actually looks happy to be here and not like he’s being forced to smile at gunpoint, unlike a great deal of holiday pictures of kids, where one has the instinctual urge to ask them to blink once if they’re being held against their will. Ken’s hair also looks pretty good, too. It looks like he put effort into making it look nice, but not so much effort that it seems like he’s freaking out. It shows the confident attitude of “I look good and know it,” while also saying, “I still put effort in because my partner deserves to be with someone who tries for them.” It’s a really good head sculpt.

Fun fact: Ken is named after the real-life Barbie’s brother. That’s what we call a “Folgers Coffee moment.”

Ken’s outfit is one where I like the individual parts, but am not crazy about the whole look. This is purely my opinion, though. He’s got a checkerboard sweater with white and black squares, but it also has some smaller areas all over it with more traditional white and black squares. I personally am not super crazy about the sweater, but I feel like it would work great with a jacket, maybe for a more winter look. Ken’s also wearing a pair of blue shorts, which I do really like, but feel they conflict with the sweater. Like, where are you going where your lower half is warm and your top half is cold? It just feels like anywhere you’d wear this outfit, half of your body is miserable. He also has a pair of Robin’s Egg blue shoes that I really like and feel go well with either part of the outfit. And, of course, if you’re not crazy about this outfit, remember that you can always get Ken a different outfit. Like I said earlier, the Fashionista line is the one specifically made for different outfits.

Ken has the basic Ken articulation. His legs move back and forward and can slightly go side to side, but not by much, and his shoulders can move every direction. His head’s on a swivel and does not have a ball joint, unlike Barbie typically has, and his hair is sculpted onto his head, unlike the more expensive Kens. Other than his outfit, Ken comes with no accessories. He’s literally Just Ken. And behold, I have worked a movie reference into this review after already using it as the review title! Feeling proud of myself.

Selfie!

All of you know who Optimus Prime is and what Nerf is, so we’re just gonna skip the info dump. Instead, let’s talk about what exactly this toy even is. As the name of the toy obviously states, this is a Nerf gun styled after Optimus Prime. The thing that got my attention about this toy, though, is the fact that the Nerf gun also transforms into an Optimus Prime toy. It’s such a neat concept, and one I think kids will really like.

Now, before we get into the review proper, let’s address the elephant in the room. A lot of people got really pissy about the fact that this is an Optimus that turns into a gun instead of a Megatron that turns into one, since turning into a gun was the original Megatron’s whole thing. Well, there’s a few good reasons this toy isn’t Megatron, so let’s go through them.

Many American states have laws restricting or banning the sale of toy guns that could be mistaken for genuine firearms. Megatron is traditionally grey, silver, and black, and occasionally shades of green. It would be really easy to mistake a Nerf gun Megatron for a real gun, and that’s one of many ways kids get shot by panicked cops or other trigger-happy people in this country. Optimus, meanwhile, is predominantly red and blue, so a kid playing with him has a somewhat lower chance of being shot at by cops or anyone else. A lower chance, but sadly, not a zero percent chance.

Good guys sell better than bad guys. Financially, it makes more sense for Hasbro and Nerf to team up to make a toy of a hero like Optimus than it does to make a villain, especially since Optimus is the most well-known character in the entire franchise.

Megatron has not been confirmed to be in the movie. All the Megatron toys released for this movie are re-releases from previous toylines, but with the “Rise of the Beasts” logo on the packaging. Since this toy was made in a collaboration between Hasbro and Nerf, meaning the profits have to be split between the two companies makes more sense to make a toy of someone actually in the movie than it does to make one of someone not in the movie, because kids are more likely to buy the toy of the guy they just saw on the big screen.

In robot mode, Prime’s looks and articulation both suffer from the fact that he’s a working Nerf gun first and a toy robot second. From the front and top up, Prime looks good. He has the looks you expect from Optimus Prime by now. And then there’s the rest. Since his legs become the barrel of the Nerf gun, he ends up with cartoonishly long legs. Compared to the normal proportions of his top half, it’s a little jarring to suddenly see those super long legs. It’s like he’s wearing some sort of stilts and trying to hide it, and it is not going well.

...I just realized how awkward the orange barrel looks in robot mode.

The issues that come from being a Nerf gun become even clearer when we look at Prime from behind. Due to how a Nerf gun works, there wasn’t a way to make this toy so the gun’s handle could be folded down or removed without jacking up the price. So as a result, Prime has this giant blue growth sticking out of his back.

Robot Mode Optimus Prime has very limited articulation, as you would expect from a toy that’s meant to be a gun first and foremost. He has ball-jointed shoulders and elbows, and that’s really it. Since his legs are the barrel of the gun, they’re a mostly solid piece, with the only exception being the end of his long, solid leg part, which folds out of the way to not block the barrel for the gun. He also can’t hold anything in his hands, which is actually a letdown for me. I would have loved for him to be able to hold his own tiny Nerf gun.

Optimus Prime would go on to develop severe back pain.

Transforming Prime to gun mode and back is a pretty straightforward process, where the hardest part is just getting his arms positioned for gun mode, and even that’s not really a challenge. The whole transformation is quick and easy, which is partially caused by the fact that the entire body is a Nerf gun and the robot mode is the Nerf gun with limbs and a head, so transforming him is just getting those parts out of the way. My one issue is that, when putting Prime in robot mode, the barrel of the gun can sometimes make Prime’s legs not want to come together fully, which can make him fall backwards if you’re not careful, so do keep an eye on that.

I really like how the gun mode looks. It’s got a lot of visible Optimus details, such as the wheels his traditional truck mode has and the chest windows, which all make for a very stylized toy. It’s a really neat design, which at this point, I expect from Nerf after seeing some of their other Nerf guns. I’m very pleased with this look.

Turn him upside down and you can claim he’s a submarine or spaceship

Since Prime’s a Nerf gun, one thing we should definitely talk about is his fire power. After all, the point of a Nerf gun is to shoot your friends with it, and it would be kinda sad if the Nerf dart couldn’t even clear the couch. Well, I’m pleased to say that Prime has what I’d call decent range. He’s a smaller gun, so he won’t be hitting people across a field, but his power is good for his size. And remember, it’s not the size of Optimus Prime, it’s what you can do with him.

Optimus comes with two accessories, a pair of Nerf darts. Considering he’s a Nerf gun, this shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone. What I do like is that he has a place to store the Nerf darts aside from just loading one in the gun, which would impede Prime’s ability to transform. Prime has a pair of dart holders that unfold on his back/the end of the gun, which do a very good job storing the darts, I haven’t had any issue with the holders being too loose or anything, which I admit was a concern of mine. As a bonus, when the darts are stored, they do a decent job emulating Prime’s smokestacks from his truck figures, albeit in bright Nerf colors.

The film’s epic climax: Unicron chokes to death on a Nerf dart.

The original version of Mirage was known for being, for lack of a better term, a snobby, rich jerk. He tended to look down on his peers, with his most noted appearance resulting in him being voted “most likely to be mistaken for a Decepticon double agent” in multiple series going forward. In the original cartoon miniseries, he argued the Autobots should just go home and abandon Earth, but eventually realized the need to defend the planet. He was a masterful spy, with the power of invisibility, and was also responsible for stranding the Decepticons on Earth when they built a shuttle to escape. This meant that Mirage had the most developed personality and character growth out of all the characters in the original cartoon miniseries.

Now, we don’t know much about Mirage’s movie version yet, since the movie isn’t out yet, but trailers have shown that he’s a fun-loving guy and the connection between our human cast and the Autobots. Now, can the movie please come out so I can have more to say about the movie characters?

The “Battle Changers” are yet another entry in the “Beast Alliance” kid-friendly line of toys, but this subline’s got a noticeable difference from the other “Beast Alliance” figures we’ve looked at previously. While those figures dealt with using smaller Maximals as weapons and armor, the “Battle Changers” instead come with built-in weapons that kids can deploy. The figures themselves are pretty simple and some parts use cheaper plastics, which results in about a 4.5 inch figure for a decent price. Not a bad deal, if you ask me.

From the front, Mirage honestly looks great. He’s got a smooth paint job, and his robot mode looks very nice. While he does have asymmetrical arms, it’s part of his gimmick, so I don’t actually have a problem with it. I have literally no complaints about this figure from the front. From. The. Front.

The real mirage is his apparent great looks in this pic.

It’s when we go to the sides and back that we start running into problems. Let’s start with the sides. Looking at the figure from the side, we can see that Mirage has really tiny arms. Like, compared to his broadness of the torso and limbs, Mirage’s arms feel like they came from a skinnier dude. The other big problem, and my big complaint with this figure, is the backpack. Mirage’s car doors and spoiler move onto his back, forming a very big backpack. There’s no way to get rid of it or move it, so you’re kinda stuck with a decent chunk of car hanging off Mirage.

The extra car parts hanging off are his personal space buffers.

Mirage has decent articulation, with ball jointed shoulders and legs. His waist also turns, and the way he transforms means he does have knees. There’s nothing fancy, but Mirage is meant to be a straightforward toy for kids. The problem I have here is that his head can’t turn, which means that any attempts at dramatic poses will always result in him facing forward.

Mirage’s gimmick is really simple and easy. The dark grey part of his left arm rotates back, revealing a blaster. While the gun does have an annoying hollow space on it, I feel it’s made up for by the fact that this is one of the few modern figures with a weapon that doesn’t stick out in vehicle mode. It’s a really nice change from “stick the gun on the roof or side,” like we see with a lot of modern figures.

A failed attempt to show off some articulation and a blaster, or Cybertron’s hottest dance move?

Transforming Mirage should also be simple and easy. The issue is that parts of his body get in the way of rotating his waist and getting his legs into position. It can be a little frustrating to deal with and takes a little patience to work past, which is not ideal when the figure’s supposed to be, like I’ve been saying, simple and easy.

In vehicle mode, Mirage looks really great. He’s a very sleek sports car, and I absolutely love his appearance. Just note that, unless you get his robot mode’s arms just right when transforming him, there’s a little clearance issue that impacts his ability to roll as a car.

8:00: Fight the Decepticons. 10:00: Roll up to the club like a playah.

So first off, who exactly is Nightbird? The original version of the character appeared in only one episode of “Transformers” in the 80’s, where she was a human-made giant ninja robot built to somehow benefit mankind before the Decepticons stole and reprogrammed her. She didn’t really have a personality, being just an evil robot that fought the Autobots before being captured and put in storage by the end of the episode. It was never explained how mankind would benefit from having a giant ninja robot, but then again, I’m no scientist, so maybe I’m missing something. G1 Nightbird would go on to appear in minor roles in comics, video games, and manga over the years, with a few toys to her name. A new version of Nightbird would appear in “Transformers: Cyberverse” as a ninja mercenary who worked under Soundblaster as part of a scheme to raid Cybertron in one of the two Netflix movies that were released to wrap up “Cyberverse” as a series. The version of Nightbird appearing in “Rise of the Beasts” is a member of the Terrorcons, the villainous faction appearing in this film. Since the movie isn’t out yet at the time of this review, all I can say about her is that she’s an evil ninja who turns into a car.

One fun thing I do want to note, by the way, is that the Nightbird toys made for this movie are the first Nightbird toys to be original molds. Usually, Nightbird’s figures are retools of various female Autobots, usually Arcee. In fact, her character model in “Transformers: Cyberverse” was a recolored Arcee, even though Nightbird never got a toy for that line. So this is really the first original figure of the character.

Now, what exactly are Flex Changers? They’re a new line of figures similar to the One-Step Changers from previous toylines in that they’re smaller than the average figure and transform in about 1-2 steps. The difference is that these figures exclusively use an elastic band that’s integrated into the toy’s body to transform. The band holds the toy together, and transforming the figure comes down to using the band to flip and fold the toy from one form to another. It’s an interesting concept, though one I’m a bit wary of due to the fact that, should anything happen to the band, the entire toy falls apart.

Cybertronian Goth Girlfriend.

Nightbird’s robot mode looks very sleek, with some odd proportion choices. Her legs are really long, her torso’s squat, and her arms are kinda short. It does get across the fact that this is an alien robot, and the design choices were made due to the gimmick, but it still comes out looking odd. Nightbird’s color scheme is very reminiscent of G1 Nightbird, looking a bit more like that character than her movie form, which suggests that, much like the Cheetor from the same line, Nightbird’s Flex Changer figure is based off an earlier design. I’m honestly fine with this, since the colors look great for an evil ninja. As you can see from the pics, the elastic band, called an “Energon Band,” is clearly visible around Nightbird’s shoulders, neck, and, to a lesser extent, hips. It doesn’t take away from the figure, though, since the pink color of the band goes great with the rest of Nightbird’s colors and you do want the band to stand out a bit since it guides Nightbird’s transformation.

Nightbird’s vehicle mode looks pretty good, with only a few issues. She’s a grey and black sports car, with her color scheme broken up only by the Energon Bands that are visible near the front of the car. My main issue is how, when looked at from the sides, Nightbird has some pretty noticeable gaps due to how she transforms. I know it’s just because of how the gimmick works, but it’s kinda distracting to have some large holes above her rear wheels.

By the time the Terrorcons had noticed anything was wrong, Nightbird’s stolen parts were already on their way to a chop shop.

Transforming Nightbird is a very, VERY straightforward process. You untab her chest from her lower torso and use the bands to guide all her parts into alignment. While it can be easy at first to not get something lined up well, the bands do a good job making sure you know you did something wrong or right and are very good at directing you. After you do it a few times, it’s a simple process. My concern here, though, is the bands themselves. When my wife and I were each transforming Nightbird, we were worried about stressing the bands or stretching them too much. While there haven’t been reports of the bands breaking as far as I know, I feel like repeated reckless transformations will eventually damage the band. So definitely keep an eye on that so your toy doesn’t break.

Nightbird is a sleek ninja, meant to go toe-to-toe with other acrobatic fighters like Arcee. So therefore, you would want Nightbird to have at least a little articulation for ninja stuff, right? Yeah, this figure doesn’t have that. In fact, this figure has absolutely no articulation at all. Other than transforming her, Nightbird’s entire body does not move. Honestly, it’s kinda a letdown, especially with her price tag. You would hope that her arms move at least, or her head turns, but nope. Zilch. Nada. The pose you see in the box is all there is, which seems to be the case for the other figures in this wave.

If you think “female Transformer,” Arcee is the character who tends to come to mind. When she first appeared in the original 80’s cartoon, she was basically the sensible girl character that every 80’s cartoon had. Since then, though, she’s gotten a lot more characterization and focus in different adaptations. The hit series “Transformers: Prime” made her Optimus Prime’s go-to field operative, IDW Comics made her a battle-hungry blood knight who eventually found a sense of peace, and “Transformers: Cyberverse” had her as an energetic and cheerful hero out to have a good time. Different writers have all done different things with her, more than with other members of the cast, whose characterizations have been largely consistent over the years. As for the movies, where this Arcee comes from, they haven’t done much with her in terms of personality, much to my annoyance. The movie “Revenge of the Fallen” had her in it, and that’s about all I can say there. She’s there, she gets shot, it’s ambiguous if she died, and we’re moving on. “Bumblebee” features her in the very beginning with the other Autobots during the fall of Cybertron, but other than being a frontline soldier, we don’t learn much about her and she doesn’t do all that much. Hopefully, we get to see more of her in “Rise of the Beasts” and learn more about her personality and role with the Autobots.

As we’ve discussed previously, the “Beast Alliance” line is the more kid-friendly collection of “Rise of the Beasts” toys, with a focus on figures interacting with mechanical animals that become accessories. The “Beast Combiners” are figures that come with a larger animal who becomes bulky armor and some weapons for the figure to wear. The figures in this subline are larger than the Beast Weaponizers we looked at last time, meaning that, even though the two sublines share some characters, such as Optimus Primal and Arcee, the figures are completely different, a necessity for the Beast Combiners to be able to interact with their armor.

From the front, Arcee looks great. She’s broad-shouldered, a necessity for the “Beast Combiners” gimmick, has a predominantly red and white paint job that works really well, and has some touches of silver that, in addition to her blue headlights, really stand out and emphasize Arcee’s general role as a lighter fighter. Her face has a slight smile, showing some warmth and confidence, which serves to give her some personality that a lot of movie figures tend to lack. It’s a humanizing detail that I really like. I’m also a fan of her strong-looking legs. From what’s been shown in the trailers so far, Arcee’s someone whose fighting style focuses on jumping and skating, and while this figure can’t skate, it’s cool to see that she has the build of someone who runs, jumps, and skates. She looks like she’s built to kick some ass, as opposed to other characters, who are built to shoot or punch.

The lack of elbows means it’s either she stands like this or strikes a T pose

From behind, she’s very hollow. It almost looks like the manufacturer just flat-out forgot to put a back on the figure. The thing is, though, leaving her back open like that is actually a necessity due to how she transforms. Any covering there could impede the transformation. I’m not thrilled by it, but I understand it.

Arcee’s x-ray from the doctors

Arcee has pretty decent articulation, which is definitely something you want from an Arcee figure. Aside from a disappointing lack of elbows, she has all the same articulation as last week’s Optimus. A lot of her articulation is focused on her legs, which makes sense since moving them around is about half of her transformation. I do feel let down by her arms, though. The lack of elbows is a bummer.

Arcee transforms quickly and easily, which is what you want from a kid-friendly toy. The hardest part of transforming her into her motorcycle mode is just getting the tabs on her leg lined up with her hands, and even that’s not really a challenge. When I say it’s “the hardest part,” I mean that in a really relative sense, since this is a really easy figure to transform.

The motorcycle mode looks more alien than intended, or like something from a 90’s anime. Honestly, though, I like it. It rolls, it balances, and it looks like how the 90′s thought the future would look. It’s a fun mode.

Top of the line motorcycle of 2023, as envisioned by 1994.

Silverfang, Arcee’s partner, is a large, mechanical wolf, and he’s also a completely original character. Feel free to give him whatever characterization you want, because until he appears in anything else, he’s a blank slate to do whatever you want with! I really like his looks. One of the big appeals of the original Maximals and Predacons was that, when in animal mode, they looked like actual animals and not machines. While Silverfang is clearly a robot, it’s very downplayed. Aside from a few touches of silver, most of his mechanical parts are painted white, like his fur, which helps them blend in more. He also has sculpted fur all over his body and is painted predominantly white, which serves to further obscure his mechanical nature. While he’s still visibly a robot, he’s a robot who clearly has some effort put into his disguise. His head’s sculpted to radiate anger, so this is someone clearly ready to throw down.

A very good dog

In terms of articulation, we have almost no articulation. Silverfang’s entire body is designed to transform into a suit of armor for Arcee, so there is no room left for articulation. Yes, his legs do move, but that’s just so you can fold them up for his armor mode. As a wolf, any attempt to pose them looks weird and/or results in him falling over.

Combining the two figures is a really straightforward process. You fold up Silverfang’s legs, take off his tail (relatively speaking, this is the hardest part), and peg him onto Arcee’s shoulders, covering her head. Flipping down Silverfang’s side both reveals the combined mode’s head and triggers a bit of automatic transforming (automorphing, as it’s called in the fandom) that moves almost all of Silverfang’s body into position. The top of his head becomes wrist armor and his tail becomes a sword. It’s a super simple process.

The top half of the combined mode looks really great. The added wrist armor and sword hide how small Arcee’s arms are compared to the rest of the body, and the armor looks really cool. The head is meant to look like a combination of Arcee and Silverfang, which is the exact look you want for a combined figure. The bottom half, however, looks really skinny by comparison. It’s like you took the body of a buff, hairy dude and gave him the legs of a young teenager. It’s helped by how armored Arcee’s shins are, but her legs still look scrawny compared to the MASSIVE SHOULDERS AND WOLF HEAD ARM she has in her combined form. 

Arcee’s “Princess Mononoke” cosplay

Combining Arcee and Silverfang limits Arcee’s arm articulation by a lot. The bulky armor means you can only raise her arms a bit, so don’t expect dynamic sword poses. Also, and I know this is going to come as a shock to you, but sticking a fairly large wolf on top of Arcee has made her pretty top heavy. Expect to have to do some careful leg maneuvering to keep her from falling over like me when I try to walk without my cane.

If you’re reading a review of a Transformer, I think it’s safe to say you know who Optimus Prime is, so let’s skip over that part. Instead, we’re gonna just dive into the figure itself. Optimus is part of the “Beast Alliance” line of figures, which focuses on kid-friendly figures that interact with little robot animals (mostly Maximals, but one Predacon) that become weapons and armor. The “Beast Weaponizers” subline that this particular Prime is part of consists of figures whose animal accessories become weapons, much like the Rhinox figure we looked at in the last review.

Optimus looks like pretty much what you’d expect. He’s very, VERY heavily based off the original Optimus, but with the realistic detailing that the movies are known for having. The paint job’s very basic, and is, again, what you think of when you think of Optimus Prime. There’s a lot of details sculpted onto his entire body that weren’t painted in, but that’s honestly fine. If they’d painted all the sculpted details in, it would have been a mess. So while the look is definitely one we’ve seen a million times, that’s definitely better than an eye-melting mess of colors just for the sake of doing something different.

Bro found a look that works and stuck with it.

In vehicle mode, Optimus looks almost identical to his G1 design. You know the look by now: red cab, blue back, black wheels, smokestacks. It’s a design we’ve seen a million times and there’s nothing particularly eye-catching about it. It’s ok, but it’s not exciting.

Seconds before running over a bunch of Decepticons while playing 80′s rock.

The transformation’s very straightforward and easy, partially because it’s one that most Optimus Primes have: fold head down, rotate body, fold arms back, and lift legs up. Thrilling. I don’t really have anything else to say about this part, because it’s something we’ve seen a million times.

In terms of articulation, Optimus is great. He’s highly posable, and the waist articulation he has as part of his transformation really pays off here. He’s got very decent articulation, which makes him a lot of fun to play with and pose. Something else that this figure has that I like is a pair of supports that fold out from his feet. This deals with most balance issues you could have with this figure, especially after you give him an accessory.

Speaking of accessories, this brings us to Prime’s only one. Optimus comes with Chainclaw, a mechanical wolf who folds into a chainsaw that Optimus can hold. Chainclaw looks pretty great. His silver and ice-blue color scheme look really cool on him and make his red eyes stand out, and his sculpted fur gives him a wild, beastial look that makes him feel like the hybrid of animal and machine you’d want from a Maximal. My one complaint is his tail: he hasn’t got one. There’s a little nub that reminds me of my childhood dog who lost her tail before we got her, but that’s about it. I know it’s to make it easier to transform Chainclaw into his weapon mode, but it’s still a weird look.

“I’ll give you my heart. In exchange... show me your dreams.”

The chainsaw mode’s a bit lacking, honestly. It looks like a stretching dog with a chainsaw sticking out of its ass, which is… certainly a look to go for. Aside from what can only be described as “the downward dog pose gone horribly wrong,” the paint and sculpting on Chainclaw’s weapon mode really serve the figure well. It’s clear effort was put into this toy, and the colors are very easy on the eye. An additional detail I like is that, since the colors don’t match Optimus or any other figure in the line, you can easily give Chainclaw to any other character as an accessory without it being an issue, which makes me think of some of the Mini-Cons from “Transformers: Armada” and how they could go with any bigger figure without issue.

Something about this just feels painful to look at.

Chainclaw’s articulation is limited to running poses, and that’s about it. Since most of his body was made to hide the chainsaw blade, there wasn’t room left for dynamic poses with the figure. The entire figure is based around turning into a weapon, so any articulation he has is a part of that.

To transform Chainclaw, you fold down the handle in his chest so Optimus can hold it, move Chainclaw’s front legs to hide the sides of his face, and fold his ass down so it and his rear legs are under his body and his chainsaw blade is out. It’s a quick transformation with no complications. Now, on first glance, it looks like his legs are blocking part of the handle, so Optimus is only holding him by the tip. However, upon closer look, you can see that the handle is sculpted so that only part of it can be held at all, and it’s held pretty firmly. Chainclaw can also be plugged into holes on both of Optimus Prime’s arms, but that connection’s a bit looser.

"Aaah! Chainsaw! The great communicator!"

My big complaint with this toy is that, when Optimus is in vehicle mode, there isn’t really a great place to store Chainclaw. You can peg him into the sides of the vehicle, but it just looks off. Maybe if you plug weapons into both sides, it would look better, but as is, it’s a lopsided look.